Randomly remembered this and decided to bring this back for the one time. You might as well start calling me "Young Gravedigger", cause all I do is dig up the past.
This little piece was something I wrote when I was sort of having "women troubles" a year ago. It's an exaggerated version of what a typical day looked like for me back then, so it doesn't hold up to this topic's name in the purest of sense. However, I really wanted to share this and I didn't want to make a whole new topic for it, so yeah, fight me.
Overthinking
He was on a bus. A very old and smelly Cta bus. He sat in the very first seat in the front on the right, just sitting there, his knees jerking up and down as he stared at the blank screen of his galaxy smartphone. There was an older fat woman sitting next to him talking on the phone. She was yelling loud, something about a “dumb bitch that's been trying her at work recently.” He paid no attention to her though. He simply just stared blankly at his phone, focused. There were other loud people on the bus too. The bus was packed full of them. But their cacophony of voices did not reach his ears. Even as the bus rocked and jerked violently during the ride, he remained motionless. Nothing moved him, as his mind was only concerned with the one thought that's been eating him alive for months…
Is she thinking about me…?
They had been talking for at least four months now. He first met her last year at his job when they both came in together as new hires. It took some time, but after a long year of battling anxiety, he had finally asked her out on a date. And to his surprise, everything went amazingly smooth. A couple of a good dates. Even got a nice kissing session out of it. You know, textbook dating at its finest. But there was still a problem…
Why am I so unsure…?
Things were moving slow. Uncomfortably slow. He read in a website article about dating, that a girl, if you've been doing everything right, should be all over you by the second or third date. But they've been on at least six dates and yet things feel as if they're not progressing. She told him that she wanted to take things slow and he accepted that. But for some reason, he felt as if things weren't moving at all…
I feel weird…
The bus jerked to the right, hard. His neck jerked right along with it. A sharp crack could be heard as he rolled his neck around. There might been some pain there now, but he didn't notice. He continued staring at his phone with that same Stoic expression. Waiting. He had texted her earlier, telling her that he thinks about her a lot and that she makes him feel happy when he thinks about her. It's been two hours since he sent that text, and his eyes haven't looked away from his phone screen since then either.
Maybe I'm just over thinking it…
Suddenly his phone lights up. He eyes bulged in excitement. His fingers moved faster than the speed of light as he eagerly put in the password to unlock his phone. He quickly stabbed the message icon and opened up the messenger app. He looked at the message that was sent to him. He frowned.
“Aye fam you bogish for telling her that. You gave off that relationship vibe and now she's backing off. You tweaked hard.” It was a message sent to him by his friend Skid. It was the last thing he wanted to see.
I feel so damn stupid…
He finally put his phone back in his hoodie’s pocket. He drowned his face in his hands and groaned silently in frustration. He knew he had been getting ahead of himself, but he couldn't help it. The way that she made him feel… he had never felt that way about a girl before. It was weird feeling that he wasn't accustomed to, but it was a good feeling nonetheless. It made him do unnecessary stuff. Well, unnecessary to him at least. They say love makes you do stupid things, and while he was sure he wasn't in love just yet, he definitely felt like he was doing stupid *censored*.
Why am I so pathetic…?
He had been chasing her just a little too much. During his desperate research for dating advice, he had learned that women are turned off by men who chase them too often, and that they are more attracted to men who let the woman do all the chasing. It was agreeable logic and he had been doing that for the most part. But after a while he got comfortable. He felt it was okay to send her a text first every now and then, that it was okay for him to tell her how he felt strong feelings for her so early in the dating process. And because of all this, because of his simple mistakes, she had been slightly flakey as of late. She had been texting him less and their conversations are shorter than usual. It wasn’t like that at first and it worried him. It made him feel uneasy. The mere thought of him screwing everything up ate him up inside. He stomach began to churn at the thought.
Maybe she’s done with me…
“umm Hi.”
The word had startled him. He had been so deep in his thoughts that he forgot about reality for a second. He looked up to see a pretty light skinned girl with brown curly hair smiling gently at him in the same seat where the fat woman had been sitting just a few moments ago. After a brief awkward pause of him just staring at her, he responded in an almost, uncomfortable tone.
“Um… hey…”
Is this happening right now…?
“I'm sorry about your pants,” She said sounding nervous.
“Huh?”
“Your pants. I accidentally spilled some of my juice on them. You didn't notice?”
He looked down immediately and noticed a strawberry scented juice stain on his black cargo pants. He was completely dumbfounded by the fact that he didn't even notice. He felt a little stupid for letting his obsession for this girl completely disrupt his sense of reality. Then again, it was funny still, so he couldn't help but chuckle at the thought.
“Damn. I Guess I didn't notice.” He said with a embarrassed smile.
She giggles. “You gotta wake up man! She said with an energetic voice that kinda excited him in a weird way. “Can't be spacing out like that.“
“Yeah… Yeah you right, I guess. My bad dawg.”
“Oh no, you're fine.”
“Yeah…”
The two shared a smile for a brief moment before they each turned away to fiddle with their phones. He swiped back and forth on the home screen, confused, as if he was looking for a reason to keep himself from looking at the angel who just enchanted his soul.
That was… weird. But…
He looked away from his phone and pretends to glare at the front window of the bus as if he was looking for his stop, which wasn't coming up no time soon. As he did this, he took calculated glances at the girl. To his surprise, she returned the gesture, but they both quickly looked away from each other every time their eyes met.
Is she really looking at me…?
The thought made him feel nervous, perturbed and excited, all wrapped up into one sandwich of emotions. He wasn't sure what to do. In just a short amount of time, he went from obsessing over a girl who he had been crazy about for at least year now, to obsessing over a girl he just met on a bus. And to be honest, he wasn't sure which was worse.
Should I talk to her?
The anxiety was beginning to build up inside him. The idea of striking up a conversation with a girl he just met didn't make him feel too apprehensive. He's done it before. In fact he's pretty good at it. However, an underlying fear was nagging at him.
How would she feel…?
Granted, they weren't in a committed relationship. Going by the rulebook, he had every right to pursue and talk to other women if he so pleased. The problem unfortunately, was that the idea wasn't so pleasing to him. To be frank, he was prioritizing her feelings over his, and that was major problem. He knew it. Just hated to admit it. The question is though, how long will he let it last?
F!ck it. I don't care. I’ll-
Ding!
The bus string was pulled and the bell sounded. He turned to his right and his sees the girl getting up from her seat and walking to the door. His heart sinks at the sight. His face ridden with defeat, he looked down trying not to stare at the girl preparing for her exit. As he looked down, out of the corner of his eye, he saw the girl turning around to look at him. She smiled and waves at him. Excited, yet unable to hide his disappointment, he waved back with a rather weakly smile of his own and watched his angel get off the bus.
That was an L… F!ck!
He leaned back in his seat and took a couple of deep breaths in attempt to calm himself down. “Another missed opportunity”, he thought. Then again, even he if he did talk to her and somehow got her number, he probably wouldn’t have went along with it anyways. The idea of juggling between two women sounded too much of a headache for him, and plus, his infatuation for the girl he’s currently dating wouldn’t allow him to. But what if this girl he’s obsessing over was talking to another guy and that’s the reason why she’s been so distant as of late? The thought caused him to pull his hair in frustration.
Suddenly, he felt his phone vibrating. He pulled it out, unlocks it and checks the messenger app. His face lights up. His heartbeat escalates . The girl finally responded. He waited a moment, took a breath, and tapped on her name to read it. He smacked his lips in disappointment.
She responded with “Ok.”
I ain’t sh!t…