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Author Topic: My prequel  (Read 3621 times)

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Offline kingwillz

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My prequel
« on: October 11, 2011, 11:15:23 PM »
Hey Heyyyy ;)

I took a break from my main project to write a prequel for it. So I can give everything some type of background. Right now I am 50 chapters strong and cooking. I've poured alot of free time into this but before I continue on I thought I'd take the time to tell you guys about it since I said I'd post something LOL :D I'm curious on how it would sound to strangers so I hope a lot of you read and post on this your input would mean a lot. If there are holes or if it doesn't sound very good just let me know what I'm missing. Don't pull any punches I'm a big boy. 8)

History >:(

In a corrupt world; 2000+ years ago the people in the world were oppressed by an all-powerful force of nature. It began as a mass of energy that seemingly came from nowhere. It started off as a massive cloud that covered the center of the world. Over time the cloud shrunk in size and took the shape of a man. This man knew all about the world from its history to its current affairs. He was unmatched in strength and power. He took the name of Omni.

Omni claimed to be this world's savior. He preached that he was born from the evils of the world, and was created to bring order to mankind; and before long had acted on his words. In short time he was able to bring the world to its knees with his powers. The people who opposed died, the ones that followed were led to live under his views of "Order" and "Equality." All seemed hopeless until four heroes revolted against the god.

The men battled fiercely against Omni in a battle for all. After a hard fought victory the men tried using a spell to seal Omni away forever. Their attempt failed as Omni, with one last burst of strength broke the spell and escaped his sealed fate, but Omni's escape came with a price. As Omni broke the spell his body was completely divided into several parts and scatered all over the world disapearing without a trace.

These men became kings of their home countries, and also becames leaders of the new world. The kings believed that Omni would one day revive, and that it was up to the people of that time to finally put an end to him.

Okay so thats the ground plot that the story follows for the most part. Now for the setting! :D

Present time >:(

The battle that took place all that time ago seems to be nothing but a memory nowadays. The world had completely reverted back to the unruly ways long before Omni's birth. Ambition, envy, anger, and the many wicked evils of the people brought coruption back to the world that the great heroes fought so hard to free. The sons of these great kings were at war with each other. Their battle grew into a world war known as the "Feuding Fathers War."

*EDIT*
Starting characters >:( (I tried to be as detailed as possible hah.)

Marrok Lowell

AGE: 18                                                     STR:4/10                             LIKES: High places
HEIGHT: 5'7                                               DEF:4/10                            DISLIKES: Sleeping in
WEIGHT: 167 lbs                                       INT:1/10                             NATURE: Busy
SKIN: Tan                                                  SPD:6/10                            HOME: Candle
HAIR: Brown                                              LUK:10/10
EYE: Hazel
WEAPON: Knives (for now)
SKILL: None (for now)

The beginning character of the story. In the beginning Marrok worked as a rancher of a small herd of Lesser-Ares alongside his family. His main job was to fend off predators and thieves. His father taught him how to fight, and he gained experience over the years defending the herd. He leaves home to become a succeccful soldier to earn money to bring back home to his family.

Gordon

AGE: 18                                                     STR: 5/10                                   LIKES: Fighting
HEIGHT: 6'1                                               DEF: 3/10                                  DISLIKES: Confusion
WEIGHT: 175 lbs                                       INT: 1/10                                   NATURE: Mischievous
SKIN: Light                                                SPD: 8/10                                  HOME: Candle
HAIR: Green                                              LUK: 2/10
EYE: Blue
WEAPON: Spear (for now)
SKILL None (for now)

The second character to appear in the story. Gordon starts off as an annoying visitor that occasionally comes to challenge Marrrok to fights. He was a thief who tried to steal the Lowell's cattle at first, but soon he just kept coming back to attack Marrok even though he always loses. Fighting throughout the years created a strange bond of friendship between the two even though niether of them would like to admit it. Gordon's story starts off by getting sold into slavery by his fellow thieves.

Courtland Battle

AGE: 22                                                       STR: 5/10                               LIKES: People
HEIGHT: 6'0                                                 DEF: 5/10                              DISLIKES: Excuses
WEIGHT: 172 lbs                                         INT: 5/10                               NATURE: Humble
SKIN: White                                                SPD:5/10                               HOME: Lantern
HAIR: Black                                                 LUK:3/10
EYE: Brown
WEAPON: Saber
SKILL: Guardian's path (think shifting gears)

The third character to appear. Courtland is a highly ranked soldier, and a royal guard for the king. Courtland was passing through Candle on the way back to Lantern. He's your typical jack-of-all-trades hero of the people. He is loved, respected, and looked up to by the children. In the story he is the one who inspires Marrok to become a successful soldier, as he saw how the people acted around him, and the fact that he dropped 3 platinum coins in a street bum's hat.Think $3,000!


Ok so there you have it! :D The ground story and the setting! The story takes place in the middle of war, and as they fight Omni's personas reveal themselves one by one from hiding for so long. The story follows many different characters from both sides of the war that set aside their differences to combat Omni, and finish him once and for all just as the 1st kings warned.

And there you have it! MY PREQUEL! like I said please give feedback I could further explain my storyline but only if I see some intrest.

Tell me how you feel about it ;) Does it suck? :o Is it something you'd pick up :thumbsup: Your input is most appreciated because I dream to make something the entire world will love! :D so yeahhhhh PLZ AND THANKS!

p.s.

Like always... REPLY OR ELSE!!! I know where you live... :ninja:

« Last Edit: October 12, 2011, 12:07:05 PM by kingwillz »
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Offline kingwillz

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Re: My prequel
« Reply #1 on: October 12, 2011, 02:07:25 AM »
Oh and one more thing sorry about not adding some characters. LOL I forgot I'll add some later in an edit when I'm not sleepy :sleep:
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Offline EvilCommie

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Re: My prequel
« Reply #2 on: October 12, 2011, 02:33:37 AM »
One thing: After the "As Omni broke the spell his body was completely divided into several parts and scatered all over the world disapearing without a trace." it sounds as if those men became kings, not the heroes.

Otherwise im totally okay with the story, though if this were a book or a manga i'd have to see some strong characters to continue reading it. Or some weird twist or things that makes it more unique.

Offline kingwillz

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Re: My prequel
« Reply #3 on: October 12, 2011, 02:53:32 AM »
ahh I see. Thanks! and there will be plenty of powerful fighters with wicked abilities! I'll post one of my chapters someday no time soon though LOL
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Offline kingwillz

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Re: My prequel
« Reply #4 on: October 12, 2011, 12:08:26 PM »
There you go character bios! :D
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Offline Coach Fro

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Re: My prequel
« Reply #5 on: October 12, 2011, 12:58:54 PM »
for some odd reason this sounds like a upcoming rpg game to me i dont know why im just tweaking right now anyways good story keep working on it
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Offline legomaestro

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Re: My prequel
« Reply #6 on: October 12, 2011, 01:06:55 PM »
I can't really feel much from it right now. It reads a lot like a basic fantasy. Synopsis is okay i guess, but i think maybe I should see some actual story.

I can only give pointers to bring something new to the table. And make a good conflict that isn't strictly good vs evil. I see you've done something akin to that with the old heroes' children warring against eachother. And I'm not quite sure if getting rid of Omni was completely good, so there some nice points there.

Can't say much else though. Character rpg points is a bit odd but whatever works for you.

Offline kingwillz

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Re: My prequel
« Reply #7 on: October 12, 2011, 01:15:30 PM »
maybe the stats were a bit much, but it was fun to do lol.

hmm yeah I would give the 1st chapter but it's a bit of a slow starting story. It picks up speed and then takes off when Marrok get's his new weapon. The summary was a bit under explained in my feeling but I just didn't want to tell everything before I finished. I wanted to give you the gist of what the story was going to revolve around
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Offline kingwillz

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Re: My prequel
« Reply #8 on: October 12, 2011, 01:22:14 PM »
oh I guess it would seem like a good v evil kind of thing but everything unravels as you read.
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Offline EvilCommie

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Re: My prequel
« Reply #9 on: October 12, 2011, 01:24:36 PM »
Well the only thing we can do then is wait i suppose (^.^)

Offline kingwillz

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Re: My prequel
« Reply #10 on: October 12, 2011, 01:27:37 PM »
yep yep!! I should have it finished in a month or two (plotting and researching is really hard!) but I'll definately give a more in depth view in the future! hopefully I can find an artist to make sketches by then too!
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Offline legomaestro

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Re: My prequel
« Reply #11 on: October 12, 2011, 01:33:09 PM »
That's always a good thing. I'm a bit worried about your bigger project though, what has happened to it? Is the problem that's holding it up very big or are you sure you'll be back at it some time in the future?

Offline kingwillz

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Re: My prequel
« Reply #12 on: October 12, 2011, 01:44:37 PM »
It'll definately be back as soon as i finish it's prequel. The reason I stopped is because of my writing style which is "Everything needs a reason" My main project follows Marrok around as the main character unlike in the prequel  because *SPOILER ALERT* my main project takes place 50 years after the prequel Marrok is revived (yes he dies at the end of prequel) as a weapon for the insane EX-ally that killed him before. (I can explain more if you'd like) since this is 50 yeras prior everyone has either aged, gotten stronger, died, or has a child or grandchild. I'm just making this prequel to better explain the relations and connections between everyone, and how they were before the story started, how they got all these badass powers etc. It's just me being over explanatory lol
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Offline legomaestro

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Re: My prequel
« Reply #13 on: October 12, 2011, 01:59:09 PM »
Hm i see.

Firstly *Spoiler raeg! I'll never ask again.

Secondly worlds are big things, sometimes it's great to let the reader question things even when characters have been introduced, leave some things to imagination. It's okay to develop stuff and all but keep some mysterious more hidden.

And please, no more spoilers T-T

Offline kingwillz

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Re: My prequel
« Reply #14 on: October 12, 2011, 02:02:19 PM »
Thanks for the tip bro and okay I'll leave the spoilers alone LOL hopefully a lot of people will like my end product cuz like i said in my introduction post "I have an entire series in mind" My main project is part of something even larger!
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