My advice for hatching is to not outline the areas you hatched or will hatch, otherwise you get that sharp look Walter mentioned. It is useful for sharp edges that would be there on the face, like creases and such, but doesn't work for smoother parts of the face.
It does look like you were trying to use your pen to 'shade,' but the principle stays true there as well. With a pencil you'd do a soft-transitional edge, but with pen you need to be more crafty to get that soft-edge. Any spherical forms do best without any lines that stand out from the hatch.
This principle at least applies mostly to the face. At least in this case, it is 'human' to draw these types of lines, but 'heavenly' to do without them. There is a lot more leeway to other subjects.
Nice renders lately, as well ^.^