So, uh.... I've been pretty quiet on the posting writing side for a while, but I did a thing about a month ago and here it is. In short: I got married, and not putting it into canon somehow felt wrong, so I did. Anyone who reads this is an honorary attendee of my wedding.
DEATH OF A BACHELOR
Scene 1
A brilliant morning in early September met the streets of the city with a cool breeze and the scent of fresh rain. Clear droplets of water reflected rolling clouds from the surface of a table for two outside a small cafe. Quick hands came down and swatted them away, forcing the raindrops to dance off the edges of the table and matching seats. A pair of artists took their places in the freshly cleared chairs, and resumed their conversation from the night before.
"I just don't understand it," said Suuper, "the composition always looks so blocky no matter how many times I redraw it."
"You want it to flow better?" Asked Killer B.
Suuper said, "yeah. I want it to be more alive, more fluid."
Killer B shrugged and motioned to Suuper's bag, "get it out and let me see. I'll help as much as I can."
As Suuper fished out a tablet nestled amongst scraps of cloth and crumpled sketches, a groaning sound distracted him. Suuper followed Killer's furrowed gaze, and landed on its source.
Coryn shambled down the street, a gutteral monotone emanating from his half ajar mouth. Dark circles highlighted barely open eyes, and the moderator's arms hung limply at his sides.
"I don't think Coryn has been sleeping well," said Killer B.
Suuper replied, "he seems…"
"Zombified?" Finished Killer B.
"It's a little early for Halloween jokes," said Suuper with a frown.
Killer B shrugged, "like the metaphorical light has gone out of his eyes?"
"That's a good way to put it."
"Is it? Do you have a pen and paper in that bag? I want to write that line down for later."
As Suuper found some paper that wasn't too crumpled, Coryn shuffled by, unaware of his fellow raiders chatting across the street.
Scene 2
Days had passed, and Coryn needed space to think. Somewhere wide open where no one was around to bother him. So he chose the one place he could be sure he wouldn't run into another human being.
EcchiWorld may have been the butt of this joke, but Coryn appreciated the silence of its mid-afternoon all the same.
The park was warm beneath a bright sun. These last days of a fading summer still had enough heat to soothe the body and mind. Fountains with placid pools dotted the landscape, their gentle spouts of water barely disturbing the basins. It might have been considered a good spot for a family picnic, if you could ignore the obscene statues, that was. Coryn wasn't sure people could bend like that without serious spinal damage.
The blonde breathed deeply of the perfumed air, felt the wind blowing through his hair. He closed his eyes, and with a deep sigh released a portion of the stress he had built up the last few months. For the first time in days, he felt a small sense of peace.
It was a passing moment, made all the more fleeting by the feeling of someone gently seizing his arm and embracing it.
Coryn opened his eyes and turned to find Lewd-tan cuddled up against him, her head resting on his shoulder.
"Watcha thinkin' 'bout?" asked the tan, her voice sultry and commanding despite the phrasing.
Coryn shrugged, but couldn't dislodge the tan, "nothing, or at least I'm trying to."
Lewd-tan pouted, "that's no fun, why don't you think about me instead?"
The tan picked up her head and whispered into Coryn’s ear, "I've been hearing so many nasty rumors about you recently. We sisters talk, y'know? You're skipping social engagements. Your heart isn't in your work anymore. You aren't sleeping. And you've even gone weeks without saying a word to anyone in the city! Why Coryn, if I didn't know better I'd say you were planning to quit MangaRaiders for good!"
The moderator didn't say a word. He met Lewd-tan only with solemn silence, and it shot a pang of anxiety through the tan's system.
"Hey now don't be like that!" She said with alarm, "why…why don't you come up to the temple, hm? I'll give you a little treat even Ecchi-tan won't know about?"
No reaction was forthcoming.
Crap! Thought Lewd-tan, he really is leaving us!
"Hey… hey now… you can't," sputtered the tan, "you can't just bail on us after all these years! You've been with us my whole life! We're your friends, Coryn!" Her voice dropped back to a whisper, but all sensuality had left her, the next words she spoke were an honest plea "don't you love us anymore?"
At last, Coryn looked her in the eyes. A small smile crept across his lips, "it's okay Lewd, I'm not leaving MR."
Lewd-tan heaved a sigh of relief. Somehow she had worked herself up over nothing.
"I'm getting married," said Coryn.
Lewd-tan's jaw went slack, dropping open and stretching her face into a look of pure bewilderment. Following her mouth's lead, the rest of her muscles ceased holding her up. The tan then broke character entirely by performing a comical pratfall off the bench and onto the asphalt below.
Thud!
Lewd-tan was baffled, befuddled, discombobulated, flummoxed, at a loss, and many other words synonymous with 'confused beyond all reason at her friend's apparent betrayal of everything she held dear'.
It was the one thing she hadn’t prepared for.
Splayed out on the pavement with her gaze locked on the sky, Lewd-tan tried to process what was happening, "I…you…how…what?!"
Scene 3
Legomaestro approached the ominous cube.
The invitation had arrived in his inbox a week earlier. Its text had announced the type of event, the date, and the location. Everything added up right down to the intricate font and the fancy paper. But somehow Lego hadn't come to terms with it yet.
He really is going through with it, isn't he? Thought Lego as he mounted the first step.
The cube had been deployed in MangaRaiders' central square, just beyond the doors of MR Tower. Helicopters and workers bearing the logo of a company with a saccharine sweet name had brought it in, hooked it up to the power grid, and then left after a few tests. The mechanisms were operational.
A small flight of steps led Lego to the doors. He tugged at his suit collar, took a deep breath, and pushed his way inside.
Your list of family and friends could get pretty long on the Net. And when everyone wants a good seat, weddings become very difficult. Thankfully Your Perfect Day Of Love & Matrimony, Incorporated were there to help! They were ready and willing to drop one of their Honeymoon Special Hard Light Wedding Experiences [Patent Pending] in the location of your choosing as long as someone was willing to sign their terms and services.
Lego emerged into the virtual space, a carbon copy of the physical venue the couple had selected. The vaulted a-frame was all wood and glass, with a picturesque wooded lakeside beyond the windows and golden sunset rays streaming in. Cushioned bench seats flanked the center aisle, among which sat familiar faces.
Although the space struck Lego as rather barren of guests, he knew there would have been an uncountable number of people ‘occupying’ the same building he was. The happy couple would only see their physical guests and a select number of the holographically piped in attendees, but they would also have a complete list of all ‘in attendance’.
The moderator couldn’t remember off the top of his head which side was the bride’s and which was the groom’s, but neither did most of the other raiders in the room so he decided to sit next to whoever had a space next to them and was the least likely to cry through the ceremony.
Lewd-tan it is, affirmed Lego in his mind.
Lego found all of the tan sisters sitting together in the second row, but it wasn’t until coming up beside them did he realize what he was looking at.
“Lewd-tan,” asked Lego, “why are you dressed like a 19th century widow?”
Lewd-tan looked up at Lego, and even obscured by a black veil he could see the streaks of mascara running down her cheeks.
So much for the plan.
“I always mourn the loss of an eligible bachelor,” said Lewd-tan with a sniffle, “but I think I’m beginning to accept his loss.”
“Uh…” moaned Lego as he found himself sitting down regardless.
From Lewd-tan’s other side, Ecchi-tan (who it must be said was dressed more appropriately for the occasion), leaned forward and smiled, “just ignore her today Lego, she’s being over dramatic for effect.”
Lewd-tan huffed as she dabbed her eyes with a lace handkerchief, “I can’t help it. Being overly dramatic is on my half of our schtick.”
“Sooo…,” said Lego in an attempt to change the conversation, “has anyone here actually, y’know, met this gal?”
NO1SY leaned in from the third row, “you haven’t met her yet Lego? I thought you of all people would have.”
Lego scratched his afro, “I haven’t. I guess I haven’t been around a lot lately though.”
Finally it was MR-tan’s turn to cut-in. She leaned back to look around Ecchi and Lewd-tan’s heads, “they started dating just before the war started.”
Lego suddenly felt a little hot under the collar, and not just because he had put on weight since getting his suit fitted, “OK, so it’s been a little longer than ‘lately’, but I promise to get better about it soon.”
Mercifully the music changed before Lego had to answer any more uncomfortable questions.
An airy classical song began to play, and from the doors at the back of the chapel entered an old woman and a not as old but still older man. Lego pegged them as mother and son, and also not physically present on MangaRaiders. The ceremony had begun.
After the first pair had sat in the reserved first row on the left, another pair emerged, and Lego’s jaw dropped a little. He couldn’t explain it, but he knew he was looking at Coryn’s parents. The man was Coryn from the nose up, and the woman was Coryn from the mouth down. For a moment Lego couldn’t piece the odd sensation together, but soon reversed the situation in his mind and could understand just where Coryn had got his genetics from.
Lego whispered over to the tans, “Coryn has parents?!”
MR-tan gave him a queer look, “of course he has parents. He’s human.”
“I’m human,” said Lego, “but I don’t have parents. I was built in a lab!”
Ecch-tan rolled her eyes at him, “he’s a regular human. Regular humans still have parents, even on the Net.”
“Oh,” said Lego, “I forget sometimes.”
With the first part of the processional out of the way, the effervescent string quartet faded out and was replaced with an upbeat pop song from several centuries ago. It had a vaguely romantic theme, but could have been creepy if taken the wrong way, and just screamed ‘Coryn’s taste’. As the new song hit full volume, the back doors of the church swung open, and in strutted Coryn’s virtual avatar.
“You bastard”, muttered Lego under his breath.
Lego had to admit it though, Coryn looked sharp. Clean shaven and in a light blue suit, the cyborg had even turned off his eye glow for the occasion.
Next came the best man and maid of honor. Although Lego had been somewhat miffed to not be chosen, he quietly assented to the choice when he realized that Coryn had chosen Nairbons for the best man position. Next in the groomsman line-up came Coryn’s brother who Lego vaguely remembered from a short stint on MangaRaiders when they were all much younger. The last two groomsman Lego didn’t know by sight at all, but must have been close to Coryn if they had arrived in this scenario. There wasn’t much to remark on concerning the ring bearer and flower girl, as children to his credit didn’t hold Lego’s attention, but they did their jobs well and didn’t cause a scene, which was all one could ask for from literal children.
As the wedding party took its place at the front of the room, the back doors had closed again. Once everyone had settled, the pop music faded out, and a moment later was replaced with what everyone expected.
Here comes the bride.
The doors opened and she appeared.
This time it was Lewd-tan who swore.
“That bastard!” said the tan loud enough that Lego hoped the microphones weren’t on, “she’s pretty!”
“That’s my line!” said Lego in response.
Tall, burnette, blue eyed, and beautiful, the bride swept up the center aisle accompanied by an older gentleman who could only have been her grandfather. Lewd-tan was jealous. Lego was jealous. MR-tan was quietly counting backwards from ten in her mind to keep herself from smacking her sister.
“Is Coryn crying up there?” asked NO1SY, “I think he’s going to cry, and if he starts crying then I'm going to start crying!"
NO1SY started fishing around in his suit for a handkerchief, and MR-tan shushed them all as loud as she dared, “he’s holding it in admirably, now quiet!”
As it always was, all eyes were on the woman in white. But after this moment the assembled raiders could hardly remember the ceremony. Nairbons officiated, rings were exchanged, there was a kiss followed by applause as the new husband and wife strutted out. All the things one expected to happen at a wedding happened. Pride, happiness, and jealousy all intermingled into a single warm emotion.
‘Hometown boy makes good’, would read the headline the next day.
Scene 4
"Da da da da da da da da, TEQUILA!" shouted the assembled raiders in unison with the music. The tables, decorations, and expansive reception hall may have all been a hard light illusion, but the food and alcohol were real enough. The 'marriage cube', as the group had taken to calling it, came fully stocked with enough provisions to fuel an all night party, and there was little more raiders enjoyed than feasting, drinking, and talking long into the night.
Unlike the ceremony, the reception room was sized to fit the entire guest list, and every attendee was represented, which brought the true scale of the event into focus. Manimal and Vacant could barely see the far wall from the raiders' tables in the back of the room. Though they didn't know if it was their eyes or the potent combination of roasted meat, ale, cake, and champagne coursing through their systems. All the same, they had gallantly volunteered to haul food and drink back from the serving area multiple times.
The wedding party had already breezed through the dinner, traditional dances, and cake cutting, so the new husband and wife now took on the unenviable task of trying to talk to every last table before anyone could leave. They had been snaking back and forth for an hour before finally making it to the raiders.
"You didn't have to sit all the way in the back," said Coryn over the music, "there were closer tables."
"Freands…" announced Lego with a slur, "alwas sit in baqsh…"
"How much has he had?" asked the beaming bride.
Lego slapped a bottle of whiskey onto the table that had been drunk three-quarters of the way down, "dis much…you bastard."
"Excuse… me?" said the bride.
"Ignore him," said Artist-tan as she slurped on a juice box, "he was talking to Coryn. It's an old joke."
"I can't believe your real name is M******!" shouted Lego, who had just remembered his shock from earlier when the new couple had been announced.
Coryn sighed, "it's my given name, but if you ever use it I will release every piece of blackmail I have on you."
This shut Lego up, and made the bride giggle, "after what Coryn has told me about you raiders, I'm glad you live up to the interesting stories. It seems like you have a lot of fun together."
"Plenty. Or at least, we used to," said a dark voice from the bride’s left.
Turning to meet it, the bride came face to face with red-eyed Lewd-tan still in mourning dress. Unsure of what the situation was, Coryn’s new wife held still as the red haired tan looked her up and down. Lewd-tan circled around the bride once, taking in the full picture. When she at last returned to the bride’s front, Lewd-tan leaned over so she could give Coryn a thumbs-up as fresh tears swelled, "you have my consent, you lucky bastard."
The tan spun around dramatically and made for the restroom, "come sister! My period of mourning is at an end! Bring out my slutty party dress!"
Ecchi-tan rose quickly from the table, an oversized purse in hand, "coming Lewd!".
Meanwhile, Coryn’s new wife leaned into his ear and whispered, "her name is 'Lewd'?"
"Long story," replied Coryn.
"Speaking of long," said a voice from behind them. As the pair turned, Hasith and Corycaly came into their fields of view. Each carried platters of food and drink, "those lines at the buffet. I hope you don't mind Coryn. We helped ourselves out on the table's behalf, again…"
Corycaly sat down her tray of champagne with a tinkling of glassware, "and it is so lovely to meet you my dear," she said to Coryn's new wife, "after all this time we were beginning to wonder if he was going to remain a bachelor forever."
The administrator cast a backwards glance at the table and muttered under her breath, "it's something of a trend…"
Hasith either didn't hear or ignored the comment, and clapped his now freed hands on Coryn’s shoulders, "what my old friend means to say is that we're happy for you Coryn. Congrats on finding the other half," said Hasith with a smile.
"Thank you, everyone," said Coryn.
"Now if you'll excuse us," said the bride, "we have a dozen more tables to talk to before I'm allowed to take these torture devices off," she jokingly kicked up a foot to display her fancy but deeply uncomfortable looking dress shoes, "and as of twenty minutes ago I really could use a beer. Let's go sweetie," she grabbed Coryn by the arm and off they went.
Back at the table, MR-tan leaned her cheek into her fist and smiled, "that boy is all grown up finally. Maybe he will start a trend?"
Vacant's collar suddenly felt much tighter. He scooted his chair away from the tan, "hey ah, don't say that too loud now! You don't know who's listening!"
Thankfully for Vacant, Manimal suggested moving onto the dance floor (where the DJ booth would be in easy reach for requests), and there was much agreement to follow that plan instead. That night the raiders partied well, powered by a happy occasion almost none of them had seen coming just a few years earlier. Coryn least of all.
Thanks to anyone who reads this. This was an incredibly personal thing to write about, and I only hope I conveyed half of the emotion that went into the day itself (9/16/22, btw). Big thanks to NO1SY as usual for being my editor, and an extra big thanks to my wife who read this and gave her approval to post it (although she will almost certainly never see this post, lol).
Topic: Death of a Bachelor - MR Canon (Read 2553 times)
