What To Do About Doubts

[IndigoDoll90]

Lately my minds been so full of doubts due to Dr saying I have ADHD and it's even effecting my drawing and even my creativity. I really want to be a comic book artist and hopefully be able make enough money out of it that I can finally quit my fast food restaurant job but I keep having doubts in my mind. I keep thinking thoughts like what does it even matter if I become a comic book artist I will still have a disability. Usually at times like this I would think ahead to what the future might hold for me because that's the way my mind usually is but the doubts even get in the way of that. Dreams can't really come true I will think to myself. Unfortunately because of court order I have to see this doctor. Is there anything I can do?

[evand498]

Dude I work at a ware house imagine if i'm doing something much more difficult what about my mental health where will it lead to what about for a individual what does one single person need what basic life skills does a person need to stand alone and survive? I've been working on this kind of stuff since 2018 ever since then I've been extremely lost every day just thinking about it and envisioning it in my mind what the actual result would be. I also have a disability and mental health issues I even go to the gym time to time seeing a lot of people there.

I'm also on facebook and I'm scared just being on it
I feel miserable being on twitter as well
and on instagram people conduct themselves differently
I slightly feel miserable being on it

google stresses me out too

but Discord and skype have been less stressful for me

I'm gonna have to take medication just because my mind goes rounds and rounds

What is court order btw

for me what I do I practise drawing and study writing after work but lately I still need to practise driving and being able to be comfortable talking 1 on 1 to people

Is there anything I can do?

That's the same question everyone is thinking about

[IndigoDoll90]

Working at a fast food restaurant isn't easy either and would stress most people out. It even stresses me out every now and then. Luckily I usually have the energy to keep up. However I think it freaks my co workers out how much energy I have and they are starting to suspect that I have a mental disability. I don't like social media that much either. I find most people not that friendly and most of my so called Facebook friends ignore me especially when I post my opinion on Facebook. They only seem to care when I post stuff like happy holidays. Also I believe there is a lot of fake news and stuff on social media trying to sway our opinion that I've mostly stopped social media which is kind of sad because that's the only way I can find out about what video games and TV shows and stuff are coming out and stuff. However in my opinion there aren't very many good video games coming out these days and video games and stuff were much better when I was a kid in the 2000s seems everything was better back then even the music. I'm also just learning to drive since for the longest time my dad was worried about me driving but he was kind of the same way with my older sisters. I just got my permit last summer and am hoping to get my license come this spring or summer. Kind of looking forward to being able to drive around town without having to have another driver with me. Also might be finally getting a car tomorrow. It's looking like I'll be getting a Chevy Cruze (I've been wanting either a Ford or Chevy). Anyway it will be nice to have a car to get around town though until I get my license I have to have another driver in the car with me. As for writing and drawing because of my job I don't have as much time as I use to have to write and draw. Still I try to find some time to practice drawing and writing even if it's just a few minutes. However usually I find myself wanting to play video games or listen to music more especially these days because I feel why even bother with drawing and writing and trying to make a comic book when no matter what I still have adhd. Yet Yesterday I was imagining what it might be like if I follow my dream and become a comic book artist and I imagine I'm actually happy. I guess drawing and writing actually make me happy probably because it helps me get some of my emotions out. Still I have some doubts. I often feel as though if I was meant to be a comic book artist I would be one by now. Also there is still the fact that according to my doctor and counselor I have adhd. Luckily I'm about to stop seeing my counselor but I can't stop seeing my doctor.

[Suuper-san]

This is just a thought, but before and after being told you had ADHD, there was no actual difference to your abilities. It's not like you have lost anything, in fact knowing that it's ADHD (as opposed to something else) can be helpful in finding ways to combat any issues you have, such as focusing etc.

Calling ADHD a disability doesn't sit right with me, because it makes you think that you're mentally disabled or something and can't achieve anything. That sort of thinking does more damage than any condition you might have.

what does it even matter if I become a comic book artist I will still have a disability.

I'm colourblind, which is a visual impairment. I still draw in colour, even though I will never see my own images how they are meant to look. That's what I want to do as an individual.

Ultimately, it boils down to what you want to do. If you want to write a story or comic, then go ahead. It doesn't matter whether you have ADHD or not. If ADHD is making it hard to write, than that's a separate issue. But you haven't said that. It sounds like free time seems to be the bigger issue.

Look at your goals and write down the steps to achieve them. If you see some steps are hard to reach then break them down and see how you can solve them.

i.e:
Goal: write a manga story
Steps:
-make a story idea
-decide how it begins and ends
-decide the characters
-develop the story
-write chapters
-draw pages

it freaks my co workers out how much energy I have and they are starting to suspect that I have a mental disability.

Does it really matter what other people think, though? Isn't having a ton of energy a good thing? I'm more energetic than the kids I teach at school. Everyone knows me to be a strange person but it doesn't stop me from being myself. If people aren't nice to you then they are horrible people, that's it.

if I was meant to be a comic book artist I would be one by now.

That's not how it works at all!! There's nothing stopping you from doing anything at any age. People change hobbies and gain skills throughout their life, so you do what you want to do.

I hope some of that helps.

[IndigoDoll90]

I suppose even after being told by my counselor I have adhd I'm still the same at writing and drawing. It just doesn't help that I see my adhd as a disability and a weakness. Makes me less motivated. And funny you should mention vision impairment. Not sure it exactly is a vision impairment but I have astigmatism and had to wear glasses since I was in high school. Without my glasses I've noticed it's harder for me to read. And yeah having adhd does kind of make it hard to stay focused on one idea for very long when I'm drawing or writing but I suppose if I was to break things down into steps It wouldn't be impossible. Luckily despite my adhd  I am somehow good at setting goals it just takes me long to get it done.

[Suuper-san]

having goals can really make a difference, so if you're already good at reaching them, even if it takes a while, then you've definitely got what it takes to do a comic.
I jump around between lots of different ideas as well, but I try and make sure to come back and finish them at some point, so if you end up with lots of projects that's not a problem as long as you have a plan to actually finish them off

[NO1SY]

If I may weigh in, even though it may not be my place...

On a personal advice level I think Suuper's tips are spot on, and it sounds like you are receptive to them which is good. I strongly recommend breaking projects down into more manageable chunks that you are sure you can achieve when you sit down to work on them. On top of this, if you think it'll help you to stay accountable, keep up productivity and a schedule, and track progress, perhaps you could post regular updates here on the forum as a sort of record that people here can see and help to encourage you.

To speak slightly more seriously and to the more mental health side of things, it sounds like you are having an understandable reaction to a diagnosis like this. I don't know if telling you this will actually help - it's kind of easier said than done... - but it's important to realize that the disorder is not you: it's not your identity, it doesn't define you, it doesn't lessen you as a person, and you can live your life despite it. Unfortunately, not everyone interacts with mental health responsibly and well... my brother is an example of this: he had ADHD suggested to him by a doctor once but never formalized, then he spent a long time using it as an excuse for a lot of shortcomings, and made no effort to help himself or seek help. He manages himself better now thankfully, but please use this a s a cautionary tale.

Hopefully the doctor told you this diagnosis with an aim to help you manage its effects. As I understand it, referral to a decent therapist usually helps in working out and sticking to plans, but also, maybe more importantly, it can help to deal with those feelings of anxiety and despair over getting a diagnosis like this. That said, healthcare in the UK is "free" for this kind of thing... I also hear that diet can have an effect, for instance foods/drinks high in refined sugars probably don't help with concentration because of the short and erratic energy bursts, and avoiding foods that could be distracting in terms of body sensations (such as those you find addictive or those that make you feel lethargic or nauseous afterwards - like greasy fast food).

I hope you keep going with your creative endeavors. If anything, I reckon that writing and art probably help focus your mind and are a good treatment in and of themselves! Best of luck to you.

[evand498]

Yeah I feel this is one of the paths I can take since my mind always attacks me every minute of the day. It feels more relaxing and I can feel the meditation to it most of the time.

[Coryn]

A lot of good advice so far. Especially what NO1SY had said about your ADHD not being your personality.

I will say this too, and I hope you glean some meaning from it: Your mental health is not your fault, but it is your responsibility.

In other words, never blame yourself for your condition. Know that it is not your be-all-end-all. Understand that it is a part of you, but that it does not control you. No medical condition, mental or otherwise, gives you the excuse not to take charge of your own life. It is something else you must handle, true. But handle it you can, and you will.

For my own part, I'm an epileptic. I take precautions and medication to control it. It affects my life, but it doesn't dictate my life. I am still me, even if I have to do some things or not do others in order to deal with it. I am in control of myself, first and foremost. Do are you, despite what society might imply.


Getting off social media when you see that it doesn't make you happy is a very good move actually. You feel like you're out of the loop only because you, like most people on the internet, have been systematically convinced that social media is the only way to exist online. Again, this is not your fault. We are all influenced by these media giants in ways we didn't sign up for. It rots people's brains, so if you get the impression that people behave stupidly and ugly in Facebook and the like, then I would say you're thinking a lot more sanely than they are.

Remember that the internet is vast, and is entirely what you make of it. You can always go to polygon's or Eurogamer's websites directly if you want gaming news. If you want to buy something, you can go directly to the manufacturer's website instead of Amazon. If you want to talk to a friend, then your phone still has text messages and voice calling. Go to actually news sites instead of getting random headlines though your Twitter feed. If you want to talk to people about a specific subject, then humble forums like ours still exist. You are in control of how you interact with the internet. Don't be lead to believe that convenience is the best thing.


Finally, I will say that as a Chevy Cruz driver myself, that you're getting a nice little car. Just be sure to keep up on the maintenance, because regardless of what vehicle you get, regular maintenance will cost you a lot less time, money, and headache than waiting until everything goes wrong at once.

There's a mental health metaphor in there somewhere, lol.

[IndigoDoll90]

I really need to stop feeling sorry for myself.  As for the internet I forgot about official websites for finding out about the latest video games and movies and stuff. Besides I don't usually believe in something unless it's from an official source anyways.

[evand498]

if you feel sad through out a portion of the day just let yourself know that it will go away. As time passes by through the day we don't have to feel happy all the time and if were sad it doesn't mean anything. If your a little bit happy until the end of the day that is what it really matters just know your taking baby steps and accomplishing bit by bit

we just have to be strong even if our whole world comes crashing in we just have to keep fighting there is always a second chance??!!

[IndigoDoll90]

Recently I talked to my counselor and she said the only reason she said I have adhd is because I keep saying I have it just to feel sorry for myself so she wasn't sure what to say because to her it was like I wanted to have ADHD. Anyway good to know I don't really have it. Since then my confidence has been up more but I really need to quit telling myself I have ADHD to feel sorry for myself.

[Coryn]

Well, that's certainly possible, yeah. I've known a lot of people over the years claim to have some mental illness or the other without a legitimate diagnosis, just because they were (consciously or not) looking to excuse behavior. So it's not a moral judgement here, it's just common coping behavior.

I hope you are able to move past this then, Indigo. Remember we're all mostly "faking it until we make it" in this world. But what that really means is that we're looking at this thing called "learning" and being embarrassed by that for some reason. We're all always learning in life. Whether that be art, writing, or just how to live in a way that we find fulfilling. Never be ashamed of where you are or what you haven't done yet. We all move at a different speed. The important thing bid that we don't stop moving.

[Suuper-san]

Yeah psychosomatic problems can be an issue, because it's very hard to get out of the negative thinking pattern when you (wrongly) think there is something wrong. It's very similar to depression really. But being told that you don't really have it is a real plus, you don't have to worry about it and can focus on building your confidence up.

I've had my fair share of depressive episodes over the years, but as Coryn says, we can learn over time to deal better with things.

[IndigoDoll90]

It isn't so much I'm depressed as much as for some odd reason I like the feeling of sadness which is why I will feel sorry for myself. I think the reason that I like sadness was because I would get attention from my parents when sad. I've been thinking about this lately and other than being spoiled by my parents as a kid I also crave connection to others which may be another reason I crave attention so much. So now I've been thinking of other ways I can get that similar feeling of connection other than being sad, which others find weird. I've noticed I feel a similar feeling when I'm outside or even spending time with my pet hamster. Also just spending time with my friends helps too.