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Author Topic: Society X - The Re-do? Seeking bits of assistance with description, etc.  (Read 1449 times)

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Offline WhiteCrow

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Hello. I know I submitted a version of this story years ago. I have since revised it a few times but have recently begun working towards the story BEYOND what i've already told and what I already know. That being said, because of my previous interactions with an artist - my writing approach is different. As opposed to writing traditional , I write almost what I want the visual to be. So very little "he said", "his brow furrowed and fury in his heart..." It's a bit more simplified - but this was communicated to me by one of my artists that it gives them the creative freedom to visualize my words and not be limited by me saying I want panel 1 to have this, panel 2 to show this, etc.

So, with that said... I wanted to begin posting my revised story (as I still revise older elements while working on new) because I still feel there are things that can perhaps be described better. And since i'm not great with descriptive words - I figured i'd come here for guidance!


Offline WhiteCrow

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Because I have images - I kind of half-ass some descriptions because the artist knows how they look. So i'm going to attach descriptions of characters...

I forgot how to share a picture. Can someone walk me through it?

Offline Operative13

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Good to see you WhiteCrow! It's been a long time since I've last heard of you in these parts.  8)

Simply click the "mona lisa" and add in the url to the image. Remember, it should end in something like a .jpg or a .png so it can properly load in. And of course you can always adjust the width and height by putting width=xxx within the first img box (See example):

Hope that helps!
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Offline WhiteCrow

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Thanks Op! So that photo didnt come from your photo library. It's posted somewhere - like on a website, right?

Offline Operative13

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Yes, I believe that would be the way to load images here. I personally use deviantart for this, but this also works for other sites as well so long as it's public access and links to an image file.

On a side note regarding character description, the best advice I can give when working with artists is to provide references. As in, lots of visual references. It provides a much better idea of what you want to accomplish than simple words, as words can be interpreted numerous ways and there's no means for the artist to accurately assess what you want from them. Just a tidbit to help you out with your next ventures  8)
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Offline WhiteCrow

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Photo


It worked! Thank you sir.
« Last Edit: December 12, 2021, 11:55:45 PM by WhiteCrow »

Offline WhiteCrow

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Photo reference 2

Long-hair: Krun

Hooded: Yinayo (Yi)
« Last Edit: December 12, 2021, 11:56:08 PM by WhiteCrow »

Offline WhiteCrow

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Photo reference 3

Rykon (Will be dubbed the Rykon Revanir - there will be 3 forms of Rykon for this opening segment of the story)
« Last Edit: December 12, 2021, 11:56:24 PM by WhiteCrow »

Offline WhiteCrow

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Photo reference 4

Rykon Onuma

Probably should note - the names given will be what the Neytoc will call them. But the main character will call them something different - easier to remember.
« Last Edit: December 12, 2021, 11:56:41 PM by WhiteCrow »

Offline WhiteCrow

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Ok. Now that i've covered who is who and what is what... to the beginning!!! I break things down in moments.

CHAPTER 1
1.0
1.0: (Five years ago – not set in stone – may change based off timeline) Flashback sequence. Toren and two others are consumed by black substance. Toren calls out to Xodara. Xodara ignores the plea as they, along with two of their henchmen, look out at a battlefield taking place in front of them.

1.1
1.1: (Present day) Yinayo sits down – his expression uncertain as he contemplates the task he’s been given. Krun and Yinayo’s mother, Nilka -slight exposition on current state of things – as they walk toward Yinayo’s hut. Nilka is prepping Krun for the resistance he is going to receive. A subtle attempt (weak – defeat assumed) to deter Krun from his decision. Krun half-heartedly acknowledges her words – talking over her to shut down her attempt and express his suspicion on the knowledge the enemy seems to have.

1.2
1.2: Yinayo and Krun speak. Yinayo voices his concerns – “I’m the strongest warrior. Why send me on a scouting mission? I’m more useful here. Send Dilyarro or -insert name- to this planet. Better yet, send them to request aid from the UUA (United Universal Alliance).” Krun refuses, “The UUA are a non-factor. As for you - did you arrive today? Have you not been present the entire time these monsters have slaughtered us?” – “Then what will one more person accomplish?” Yinayo shoots back. “The UUA is our best hope for assistance not some alien from an infant planet.” – “Follow me.” Krun commands as he walks out of the tent. 

1.2.1
1.2.1: The trio begin walking through an icy, cavernous terrain. Krun reveals his intention, “The power the Ney Crystal has blessed us with is half of what it is truly capable of. The other half of that power resides on the planet you're heading to. As you said, you’re our greatest warrior. As such, not only will you be able to handle whatever awaits you – but I expect that whomever you choose to wield our power will excel with you as their teacher.” .” – “Our power?” Yinayo repeats, side glancing Krun. Krun stops walking and places his hands a few inches from his chest. A ball of black and blue energy emerges in between his hands. Yinayo recognizes the energy, “The Golara Ritual - are you intending to pass your energy to one of these aliens?” – “Yes.” Krun answers. Yinayo denounces the idea that a sacred rite of the Neytoc be broken. Krun is stubborn, desperation in his tone. He now cups the energy in one hand as he bursts out in frustration “On that planet is an energy signature identical to that of the Ney Crystal! The catalyst for our ascension to the elite! Our situation doesn’t afford us the time to find the source – so we need another way to combine the power of the two. This is it, the only option we have to save our people!” Krun composes himself and looks at Yinayo, “Give the power to one you deem worthy. Their potential will be unmatched. Train them for a month’s time then return.” Yinayo remains stubborn, Krun responds by slamming the energy into him– “Fine - then keep it for yourself in a lost cause or accept the responsibility given to you!”

1.3
1.3: Yinayo is engulfed in energy, “It’s overwhelming.” He says as he struggles to control the energy. “Golara Ritual.” Krun begins, “Offspring can only inherit the Legacy of two. Almost always that of their parents. If you want to accept this power, you need to disown that of either your mother or father.” Krun gives Yinayo a look that shows his confidence in one-upping the warrior. “Which will you part with? If neither, then stop attempting to accept the power for yourself. Pledge to only to pass it down and the energy will subside. But bear in mind – if at any point your intentions waver the pledge to Golara will overwhelm your desires. Your priority must never waver from your pledge.” Yinayo remains reluctant for a moment before conceding. “Fine.” He says, his fists clenched as the energy calms. 

1.4
1.4: The trio continue to walk through the canyon landscape that leads to a plain littered with small hills throughout (the Neytocian home world is covered in ice throughout). Krun directs the others to stop, “Report.” He says – pressing on the centerpiece of his suit. “Clear, Lord Krun.” This message is repeated two more times. Krun waves the others forward – the camera pans to various hills surrounding the area to show scouts hidden. In the distance the trio can be seen.

1.5
1.5: Krun conjures a pyramid-shaped item from his suit. He throws it on the ground and the item splits in two as a ball of light emerges. When the light disappears a mid-sized ship rests where the pyramid was thrown. Nilka grabs her sons' hand and pulls him to the side. “There’s no one I would trust more than you.” She places her hands on his cheeks and smiles, “I’m proud of you.”

1.6
1.6: “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.” Nilka’s words are on the page as the scene focuses on a pair of scouts. A subtle rumble at their location makes them wary. “What’s that?” One asks the other - the outline of a massive figure behind them.

1.7
1.7: Nilka is off to the side as Krun and Yinayo stand in front of the ship – looking at it. “As long as you carry my energy, we’ll be able to communicate. I doubt you’ll encounter anything overwhelming there. But if you do, never attempt to merge our powers. Remember, unless you’re prepared to rid your body of one Legacy at that moment – the internal clash will be too much to withstand. You’ll most likely pass out before you can tap into the powers, or worse – you’ll die.” Yinayo listens intently. Krun gives an almost sincere smile, “I’m confident that the right host will turn the tide in our favor. This will save our lives. I trust your judgment.” He turns his head toward Yinayo. “Please find it in yourself to trust mine.” Yinayo nods, “Yes Sir.” The roar of a monstrous beast echoes throughout the plains. Both Neytocians turn toward the sound before the camera shifts to a shot of the scouts again, both lie face-down dead – a tri-spiked tipped tail shifting away from the last body it just impaled – the rest of the beast still hidden by darkness. This image should make it clear that the beast is about to make its way toward the trio.

1.8
1.8: “I suggest you leave.” Krun says to Yinayo as he begins walking in the direction of the roar. “Let me help!” Yinayo replies, his eyes shifting from Krun to his mother – who is in a trance as she stares out in the direction of the roar. Krun looks over his shoulder “I can’t risk that ship being destroyed. You need to leave – now!”

1.9
1.9: “I-“ Yinayo is shocked as he begins to unwillingly turn towards the ship. His arms reach out to open the ship. Why can’t I control my body? He asks himself. “No!” His eyes widen, “You need to leave – now!” repeats in his head. My pledge!

2.0
2.0: Krun has distanced himself from the ship. He presses his centerpiece, “Orini, Navita – report.” silence - Unfortunate. The energy I gave to Yinayo must have drawn it here. He presses the centerpiece again. “Remain at your posts and monitor Yinayo. Make sure he leaves this planet. I’ll confront the beast.” The ground rumbles – the intensity increasing as the beast gets closer. A shot of one of its massive feet – the ground cracking from the weight. Krun lifts his gaze as the beast emerges from the shadows. The beast is over twenty feet tall, three school buses long and two wide. It walks on four legs, has plated, armor-like skin and bladed talons line its spine down to its tail. “Rykon scum.” Krun growls.

2.1
2.1: Icy winds infused with energy form in Krun’s right hand. Below the jaw or the middle of the chest – your most vulnerable spots. No point in dragging this out. The Rykon swung around with impressive speed, bringing its tail full force toward Krun. The Neytoc Lord leaps in the air to avoid being hit – sending the infused energy toward the ground as he does. The energy appears to fuse with the surface, a glowing electric blue flow of light moving just underneath the ice toward the Rykon. Once beneath its neck a spiked pillar of ice erupts upward, piercing the creature. The attack causes the beast to buckle under its weight.

2.2
2.2: Yinayo finds himself reluctantly seated in the cockpit. His mind racing, Krun’s Legacy… I have to prioritize the pledge to regain control of my body. Yinayo, unable to move his head, forces his eyes to look at his mother. “A compromise…”

2.3
2.3: “Hmph.” Krun lands a few feet away from the creatures’ hind legs. He eyes the creature for a few seconds before turning his attention towards the ship. “Why hasn’t he left yet?” The sound of shifting ice alerts Krun to the Rykon stirring. He can only raise his left arm to shield himself as the beasts’ tail slams into his side, sending Krun crashing on the ground – coming to rest in a circle of shattered ice yards away from where he was hit. Krun lifts himself, his left hand on the ground as he kneels on one knee. “Leaving myself open for a counterattack-“ Krun smiles, standing up as he does so. “That was reckless of me.” The damage to Krun’s suit repairs itself as he breaks into a sprint. “The pain has woken my body!” He yells – conjuring an energy ball in each hand.


2.4
2.4: The Rykon swings its neck with force, breaking the ice lodged by slamming it against its leg. The creature opens its mouth and shoots out a storm of ice shards towards Krun. The Neytocian hurls one of the energy balls forward – the shards of ice gravitate to the orb, forming a wall of ice. Krun runs up to the newly formed wall of ice and places his free-hand on it – sending the wall of ice crashing toward the Rykon while he throws his other energy ball at the ground once again. The Rykon charges toward the wall of ice and breaks through. The creature looks to see Krun in the air, his hands above his head and engulfed in energy. In that instant a massive block of ice shoots up from the ground and slams in to the Rykon’s chest, lifting it from the ground. Krun sends the energy toward the Rykon. It races across the beasts’ body like liquid, filling in every gap between its plated skin. “Die!” Krun shouts as he closes his fists. The energy erupts in to spiked pillars of ice that pierce throughout the Rykon’s entire body.

2.5
2.5: Krun hovers above the Rykon. The creature is impaled all over, a weakened roar seemingly signifying its demise. “If not for your sudden emergence we’d have annihilated you all.” Krun conjures an ice spear in his hand. The creature bellows again, its eyes turning red as smoke begins to rise from its chest. “Persistent… pathetic!” Krun slams his spear through the beasts’ eye. The weight of Krun’s body causes the snout of the beast to shatter. “Huh?” Krun jumps back as the beasts’ face crumbles, revealing nothing but emptiness. The smoke seeps from all over the Rykon’s body, blanketing it as the body crumbles to pieces. Krun looks on, the ground rumbling as a deep growl comes from the smoke. Krun can only see the silhouette of something emerging from the husk of the other Rykon – a red hue rising. The smoke settles. Another beast, two-legged, stands where the previous Rykon lay. It’s eye a visor with a cyclops-esque red hue to signify which direction it is looking. “This is new.” Krun says. Though massive, the creature is quick. Before Krun can react, he is grabbed around the neck (and part of his head – creatures' hands are a good size). Krun instinctively reaches to free himself – a pointless struggle.

CHAPTER END 

« Last Edit: December 12, 2021, 11:57:08 PM by WhiteCrow »

Offline WhiteCrow

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Re: Society X - The Re-do? Seeking bits of assistance with description, etc.
« Reply #10 on: December 11, 2021, 01:40:06 AM »
Good to see you WhiteCrow! It's been a long time since I've last heard of you in these parts.  8)

Simply click the "mona lisa" and add in the url to the image. Remember, it should end in something like a .jpg or a .png so it can properly load in. And of course you can always adjust the width and height by putting width=xxx within the first img box (See example):

Hope that helps!

Op - is that one of your characters?

Offline Operative13

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Re: Society X - The Re-do? Seeking bits of assistance with description, etc.
« Reply #11 on: December 11, 2021, 03:21:48 AM »
Indeed, it is! I have several posted in my thread here (http://forums.mangaraiders.com/index.php/topic,19855.0.html)

There's also other pieces of artwork that I have in my possession that I haven't yet shared with, but will get to when the time is right. For now, do expect to see a weekly updates every Sunday PST. If you have the time, I highly recommend reading my work and giving feedback! Anything and everything helps!  ;)
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Offline Robin Rain

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Re: Society X - The Re-do? Seeking bits of assistance with description, etc.
« Reply #12 on: December 11, 2021, 11:58:11 AM »
It's nice to see this story again.  :thumbsup:

Offline NO1SY

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Re: Society X - The Re-do? Seeking bits of assistance with description, etc.
« Reply #13 on: December 11, 2021, 08:29:04 PM »
Yo Crow! Like Robin said, great to see more Society X again ;D

I can go more in depth later, but after a cursory read I just wanted to clarify what you are after here, because It seems that you have a good arrangement going with your artists and I'm not sure about what extra utility you would get from getting more eloquent with descriptive words? - or at least I'm not sure that the extra utility would be worth the extra effort...

Maybe I am misreading what you are asking though, do you instead mean that you want to perhaps provide your artist more in-depth descriptions that provide them more information and direction, and would like advice on the things that might be missing from your current prompts?

Offline WhiteCrow

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Re: Society X - The Re-do? Seeking bits of assistance with description, etc.
« Reply #14 on: December 11, 2021, 10:53:02 PM »
Yo Crow! Like Robin said, great to see more Society X again ;D

I can go more in depth later, but after a cursory read I just wanted to clarify what you are after here, because It seems that you have a good arrangement going with your artists and I'm not sure about what extra utility you would get from getting more eloquent with descriptive words? - or at least I'm not sure that the extra utility would be worth the extra effort...

Maybe I am misreading what you are asking though, do you instead mean that you want to perhaps provide your artist more in-depth descriptions that provide them more information and direction, and would like advice on the things that might be missing from your current prompts?


Hello!

So here's what I mean - i'm seeking suggestions on ways to better describe scenarios. The art work you're seeing is old. I'm not sure if this artist will be available again, I may have a new one - regardless, i'm seeking advice from whomever reads and feels something can be worded better. Example:

The Neytocian hurls one of the energy balls forward – the shards of ice gravitate to the orb, forming a wall of ice. Krun runs up to the newly formed wall of ice and places his free-hand on it – sending the wall of ice crashing toward the Rykon while he throws his other energy ball at the ground once again. The Rykon charges toward the wall of ice and breaks through.

This section here - in my mind the wall of ice that is formed is roughly the same height as the Rykon. I didn't put that because I wanted it to be more in flow with the form of story i'm telling rather than putting "This wall needs to be about as tall as the Rykon". I also don't really like how I describe what Krun does. I feel there's a better way to explain his actions.

So my thinking with this post is to open it for suggestions, and then I at some point provide key moments I am looking to improve and receive feedback for that as well.