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Author Topic: Et Cetera [Prototype]  (Read 962 times)

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Offline Suuper-san

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Et Cetera [Prototype]
« on: April 11, 2021, 10:39:42 AM »
Please read my disclaimer if you would like to critique (basically don't critique minor details since I'm only focusing on expressing the core of the idea)
But if you seriously want to mention more fine details then go ahead, it may still be useful to me but I dont want to waste your time.

This is a prototype manga as it is basically in draft format, both script and art. I intend at some point to completely rewrite it and produce it at a proper quality level, although there will always be the allure of the next shiny story.

Et Cetera

Blurb

A robot lands on Earth on a mission to learn about Humans and their culture. He follows around a group of children in an "adventure club", helping them when they get into trouble, and causing just as much trouble on the way.

Chapters

Chapter 1: The Hero Makes a Friend
































Chapter 2: A Guild
































Chapter 3: Going Nowhere

































Chapter 4: Distractions



































Chapter 5: Going Somewhere





































Chapter 6: Operation Escape



































Chapter 7: Where We Are




























Chapter 8 - The Big Outdoors
































Chapter 9 - Not all robots are equal
































Chapter 10 - The Boys Get a Visit


































Chapter 11 - Love Over Money
































Chapter 12 - Risky Games
































Volume 1 Bonus Chapter









« Last Edit: July 20, 2021, 05:38:58 AM by Suuper-san »
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Offline Suuper-san

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Re: Et Cetera [Prototype]
« Reply #1 on: April 11, 2021, 10:51:38 AM »
Chapter 1: The Hero Makes a Friend

Chapter 1: The Hero Makes a Friend































Thoughts:
Like the other 3 manga, the chapter 1 script was too large and had to be cut in half. So the story ends at a funny place. I've definitely got to learn how much plot can fit in a single chapter of manga.

It took a massive while ,talking to myself and changing the target direction, but eventually I settled on going for a sort of Nichijou style manga. The first few chapters are more setting up the story but I hope to have more quick fire jokes and gags once it gets rolling.

Overall I cannot write jokes at all, is what I've been discovering. I'm writing what I think are jokes but really at this point after reading them so many times I have no idea what's funny and what isnt, so I'm just going to throw everything I can down on the page and see what sticks. It's all work in progress.

I really like how the robot's expressions show on his face, for some reason I just find it super cute.

anyways, enjoy.
« Last Edit: April 25, 2021, 08:23:38 AM by Suuper-san »
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Offline Suuper-san

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Re: Et Cetera [Prototype]
« Reply #2 on: April 18, 2021, 12:03:30 PM »
Chapter 2: A Guild

Chapter 2: A Guild































Thoughts:
This was the second half of the first chapter, so it was meant to end on getting a clubroom in the first chapter, and then the episodic story commences. I'm hoping I can make more interesting stories from now.

I literally have no idea what direction this story is going, which probably contributed to the poorer quality art style. I dunno, it's not really gelling too well, and I don't think it's funny either. I'm not going to drop it but it's harder going when I'm lost almost all of the time. But it's good practice all the same.

I think proportions took a hit as well in this chapter, I just wasn't too sure of anything. But the priority is producing a chapter regardless of how I feel or if the plot isn't up to scratch, I could polish the script for days and it would still be rubbish lol

anyways, enjoy.
« Last Edit: April 25, 2021, 08:23:42 AM by Suuper-san »
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Offline legomaestro

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Re: Et Cetera [Prototype]
« Reply #3 on: April 20, 2021, 10:25:03 AM »
Lance, CO02043F74B, Krystal and the supervisor are my favourite characters hahahaha. Gag after gag with this one suuper. You totally nailed it hahahaha comedy gold. This really feels like exactly the light hearted slice-of-life that I've been reading and watching all the time as I grew up. Do you know Dennou Coil by any chance?

Yeaup, yet another manga I'm invested in. And hot damn man, you're juggling 4 mangas at the same time and really making the chapters. This gives me so much hope for all of my unfinished projects. Totally awed and inspired here man, keep at it!

Offline Manimal

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Re: Et Cetera [Prototype]
« Reply #4 on: April 20, 2021, 11:14:20 AM »
Chapter 1, this was a very solid introduction. You establish the characters well and the robot is instantly likable. It's expressions in the classrooms were hilarious. The composition is well done here also and it had a natural and easy to follow layout. You got the flow of a comedic manga down with the set-up and come downs. An example being "oh what that kid has a gun? Oh it's a water gun". Also the shots that give the robot a sense of scale when it comes down stood out.

Chapter 2 is good also, Krystal adds a fun dynamic to the group and gets them going. To make a small critique I had the feeling you didn't really know what to do with the robot here since it's only in the beginning. I think it would be fun to see it interact with all the characters like the craft club girl and classic sleepy club supervisor. Since they are an adventure club and the robot is looking to collect data I think they can take it to various places a kid would go and have it interact with the people and things they come across. Like an arcade or candy shop etc. I think the best part of this was the interactions with the robot. The club characters are fun as well, and you set-up an easy to follow and enjoyable dynamic. 

I think you show a very good understanding of manga structure and flow here. I enjoyed reading this!

Offline Suuper-san

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Re: Et Cetera [Prototype]
« Reply #5 on: April 25, 2021, 08:52:23 AM »
Chapter 3: Going Nowhere

Chapter 3: Going Nowhere
































Thoughts:
This felt a bit more in line with what I wanted to achieve for this story, a bit more slapstick, a bit more chaos, a bit more "what could possibly go wrong next"

Surprisingly the most developed character is my robot Cogno, whose personality is shaping quite a bit of the plot. while his mission is to collect information, he basically forgets this a lot of the time and gets easily distracted. This was basically to allow the plot to be more varied without needing justification, hopefully this chapter conveys his personality well. Also is he a "he"? He's an "it" but I feel strange calling him an "it".

This chapter was pretty easy to draw, and I didn't have too many issues, probably because it was mostly only the robot in the shots, which has chaotic random proportions that don't really matter as long as he looks like a robot.

I also figured out how to do panels that stretch into the page edges so I trialled that, and it didn't take much time to achieve compared to normal panels. I didn't really know which panels to extend so I basically guessed, with really weak reasons for most of them. I'll get the hang of that at some point.

I also in a few panels (such as the last panel) did a more complex speed lines/emphasis lines rather than "hand drawn" lines, which came out straight and much more emphatic. This also takes minimal time so I'll try and keep this up for practice for when I do high quality manga.

Anyways, enjoy.


Feedback

@Lego

Quote
Gag after gag with this one suuper. You totally nailed it hahahaha comedy gold.
Glad to hear it. I'm hoping to lay down the comedy thick and fast but I'm utterly under experienced to even know how to do it. Hopefully with this story I'll get some core skill in comedy do's and don'ts.

Quote
Do you know Dennou Coil by any chance?
One of my favourite animes and a solid sci-fi story. I loved the fact that the chalk lines were like magic circles but in a technology way, it was very inspiring to my sense of magic systems even now. Also a solid very realistic way that VR technology could go.

Quote
And hot damn man, you're juggling 4 mangas at the same time and really making the chapters.
....so far :P
I expect some sort of failure because I'm really taking on far more than I'm used to and I don't have the experience to carry me over smaller upsets. But there is hope indeed :)

And go for it with your projects! I would love to see an end to the series you started, If i recall you took about an hour a page, so that's really quick for churning out chapters.

@Maninal

Quote
the robot is instantly likable. It's expressions in the classrooms were hilarious.
Glad to hear it. I like it too quite a bit, I suppose cute robots weren't something that I had in mind when I started this project ehehehe

Quote
You got the flow of a comedic manga down with the set-up and come downs. An example being "oh what that kid has a gun? Oh it's a water gun". Also the shots that give the robot a sense of scale when it comes down stood out.
Thanks, I can't guarantee that there'll always be that level of jokes or that they'll even be easy to understand but I'm trying :P

Quote
To make a small critique I had the feeling you didn't really know what to do with the robot here since it's only in the beginning.
I also noticed that the robot disappeared during this chapter but it was too late to fix it. I think because the long chapter was broken into segments it makes it more noticeable but really this is the quick fire experience that I'm hoping to gain by failures in these 4 stories.

It will definitely make more appearances in the future as it's basically the driving force of the early plot and a cause of a lot of the humor.

Quote
Like an arcade or candy shop etc.
What lol you read my mind they were on my to do list for chapters. That's just strange lol

Thanks and I hope to keep up the comedy and get even better.
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Offline Suuper-san

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Re: Et Cetera [Prototype]
« Reply #6 on: May 02, 2021, 04:33:36 PM »
Chapter 4: Distractions

Chapter 4: Distractions


































Thoughts:

Not sure how I managed to make a Jenga game last the entire chapter but there you go. Not sure if this is the direction I want to take it. Also not really sure what to do with the robot. I do have lots of ideas but they go in all sorts of directions so it’s a pain knowing which way to go, and also making sure that I don’t try something that’s way too hard for me at the moment.

I had to really dish these pages out to finish them on time today, as I was extra behind from other life commitments, so they look a tad extra sketchy than normal. But to be honest I'm not entirely displeased all things considered. I really wanted to not fail in my weekly posting within the first 4 weeks, so I'm my first checkpoint clear now.

anyways, enjoy.
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Re: Et Cetera [Prototype]
« Reply #7 on: May 09, 2021, 01:14:49 PM »
Chapter 5: Going Somewhere

Chapter 5: Going Somewhere




































Thoughts:

I’m really letting loose with the ideas. Even if it’s a bad idea I’m just going with it. I don’t want to start limiting myself in the early stages otherwise I’ll get used to second guessing my ideas and not following through with development. So if the story feels strange, like it’s going in a strange direction, that’s why. And it’s all experience and practice so it’ll all help in the long run.

I tried to add sort of Jojo elements with the epic reactions and scheming etc. Does it even have a name lol. I think I’d like to add this more, it makes any situation more fun I think.

Bizarrely this had the shortest script for words but one of the highest panel counts per chapter so far. I guess that’s what happens when you add a lot of reactions and quick retorts and so on. I think I prefer a higher panel count for a comedy story as I can cram more jokes in, and I don’t need such large panels for showing things, so more panels per page I think might work well.

Curiously given the first 2 pages barely had any speech I wondered if the entire game sequence could have been silent, giving good practice for a silent manga. Just a passing thought but I’d like to try that out at some time.

I basically hated the execution of this idea...but the idea itself I liked. I guess that’s skill and experience that I’m lacking – the next time I go for a card game scene I now have some better experience. That’s the idea of these projects, so it’s working, but the failure is always a tough one to swallow.

anyways, enjoy.
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Offline Suuper-san

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Re: Et Cetera [Prototype]
« Reply #8 on: May 16, 2021, 06:27:05 PM »
Chapter 6: Operation Escape

Chapter 6: Operation Escape


































Thoughts:

I have literally no idea what’s going on any more to be honest, but I’m still trying to pursue my idea in my head of what I wanted. I think I’m getting closer but it’s very slow progress. I guess I’m just that much of a beginner. I also ran out of chapter space and cropped the ending down more than I planned in my head. I intended the teacher chase to go on for some time, but I didn’t want it to cover any more chapters so shortening it was for the best, also It allows me to get on to other ideas and get more varied experience. This is almost pre-draft level script, like an idea that managed to get past quality control but shouldn’t have :P

But this goes to show the power of the prototype method, this way I am gaining experience while I get my ideas in order, such as gaining a good workflow to keep productivity on a weekly timetable. So when I get to my more official serious manga, I have less new ground to cover.

have fun.
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Offline Suuper-san

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Re: Et Cetera [Prototype]
« Reply #9 on: May 23, 2021, 07:22:11 PM »
Chapter 7: Where We Are

Chapter 7: Where We Are





























Bonus: Chapter 1 Title Page
Spoiler

Thoughts:

Well I have basically run out of full ideas and the willpower to execute them so I’m running on fumes for this story. But I’m still trying to drag ideas out and expand them into a full chapter. The main issue, I suspect, is just time. I’m trying to develop the stories at a massive pace, and unlike the others which have main arcs and long plots, this story is more episodic/random and so suffers from always needing a new thread of an idea for each chapter and expanding from zero each time. I have plenty of one-liner ideas, and I’m trying to fill them out into more detailed plots for a chapter, but none are quite there. So out of necessity I’m going with the fullest ideas that I have even if they aren’t up to scratch. After all, executing an idea is a separate skill to creating an idea. And regardless of the quality of the idea, execution is a completely different step. And I’m curious to see how badly I can allow myself to write, which in turn will help me loosen up. So I’m sort of leaning into zero quality control stream-of-consciousness writing for this one, and basically not looking back. I’d rather have a weekly chapter that’s awful than no chapter. And that’s partly the aim of this project – quality was never part of the intent, gaining experience was. I’m hoping at the end of the project I’ll have some good feedback for myself on how to make and develop ideas more consistently. It’s just I’m too nooby still ahahaha

A vague point regarding this story compared to the other 3 is that I definitely didn’t want to give the characters too much depth, I wanted to avoid making them too real, with motives and whatnot, because I had a sense that would fuel the plot, and lean away from energetic comedy. So that’s partly why their personalities are quite exaggerated and one-dimensional. Dunno if that’s a good thing or not. It’s not a serious story at all obviously.

This chapter was quite a short story but it felt quite cohesive like the sections fitted together well. I had a lot of smaller panels for reactions and so on.

Also where did all the other club members go? Mysterious indeed. I have no idea lol
For this story I’m not sticking to a realistic plot so whatever I want to happen happens without much consequence or logic.

read it and weep.
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Re: Et Cetera [Prototype]
« Reply #10 on: May 30, 2021, 07:10:28 PM »
Chapter 8 - The Big Outdoors

Chapter 8 - The Big Outdoors































Thoughts:

Now that I’ve given up I’m focusing more on interesting dialogue and interactions rather than interesting plot, for which I have run out of ideas for. There’s just as much comedy to be had with dialogue as with interesting stuff going on.
I’m also trying to increase the panel count per page to increase the flow of plot, but not have it span a lot of pages. As an example, Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei has an average 9/10 panels per page compared to 5/6 for Naruto or Bleach. Because a lot of the shots are just character reactions and they can be tiny and still functional. And since I already have the other stories at normal panel counts, I’m happy to experiment with increasing the density in this story. The only annoyance is that the script has to be longer, so I have to write more, which is what I find the most difficult.

I’ve also noticed that the art style has been locked into “normal”, in that there are not as many exaggerated poses and expressions as I originally intended. That’s possibly the story doesn’t warrant it, or just I’ve been forgetting to put them in, or I just don’t know how to draw the sort of expressions I want.

Enjoy!
« Last Edit: May 31, 2021, 05:29:34 AM by Suuper-san »
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Re: Et Cetera [Prototype]
« Reply #11 on: June 06, 2021, 05:41:25 PM »
Chapter 9 - Not all robots are equal

Chapter 9 - Not all robots are equal































Bonus: Chapter Title Pages 2-5
Spoiler







Thoughts:
Possibly one of the more boring chapters, although I tried to make it interesting with the dialogue and wit rather than the plot.

The panel count was very high, making the pages more cramped but I’m trialling this to see how it looks and feels to work with.

I'll be glad to see the back of this story haha

enjoy.
« Last Edit: June 06, 2021, 05:53:45 PM by Suuper-san »
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Offline Suuper-san

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Re: Et Cetera [Prototype]
« Reply #12 on: June 13, 2021, 04:05:13 AM »
Bonus: Chapter Title Pages 6-9
Spoiler








Just the chapter title pages this week, see my writing thread for why.
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Offline Suuper-san

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Re: Et Cetera [Prototype]
« Reply #13 on: June 20, 2021, 05:40:33 PM »
Chapter 10 - The Boys Get a Visit

Chapter 10 - The Boys Get a Visit

































Chapter 11 - Love Over Money

Chapter 11 - Love Over Money































Chapter 10 thoughts:
I’m noticing because my characters are quite flat and most of the dialogue is generic, that any of them could have said most of the lines, so deciding who speaks which line is quite difficult. I try to give them an even amount of screen time. I suppose with a larger cast you have to be more careful with who appears in each scene. Partly my generic flat characters are to blame for that issue. If they had stronger personalities then each line could be tailored to suit them.

I wanted to make the parents quite strong stereotypes but I couldn’t get as much energy or cliché-ness as I wanted. A bit annoying as they all sort of blended into one another (as well as the following chapters). It’s one thing to have an idea but a completely different thing to execute it, is the tough lesson learned here.

Basically I hate the story for chapters 10-12. But it’s all good practice and experience. I don’t think that’s anything like burnout, I just plain chose the wrong plot to put into the story.

Chapter 11 thoughts:
I was trialling a new script writing method (actually, quite close to how I originally wrote Dark Strike although I didn’t realise it at the time) and so this chapter unexpectedly bloomed into 2 chapters because I successfully managed to write so much. Not sure if it’s just fluke or the method just works that well. We’ll see. I tried to increase the panel count to show smaller reaction panels and so on, trying to focus more on dialogue and interaction rather than an artistic show of things happening like in typical manga. But if I manage to write consistently more with this method then I’m on to a good start.

I didn’t really want the visiting each other’s homes to go on for 3 chapters (including next week) but there you go. At the end of the day, practising making any story gives just as much experience and it was interesting enough. I think if I did rewrite this I would separate the chapters with other interesting things in between. It’s giving a lot of slice of life practice so I guess I’ve got that going for me. I would have preferred more comedy, but there’s always next time.

The chapter was on the short side but I couldn’t add the next section otherwise it would have been too long. A bit annoying really.

In fact I’m thinking I’ll change the next chapter to do something more fun and fob off the last house visit to later (i.e. never :P), which is what I should have done to begin with I think.

enjoy.
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Offline legomaestro

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Re: Et Cetera [Prototype]
« Reply #14 on: July 02, 2021, 07:08:14 AM »
Chapter 3
Spoiler
Was so confused by the panelling for a second until I realized it was right to left. Instantly fixed my disquiet 'hm?' something is off here haha. It's amazing how flow determines how a story is to be read. In that aspect good stuff.

Totally stealing the proportions for chairs and tables because I need this hahahaha. It's ridiulous how hard they are to draw right. That plus with characters interacting.

Oh noooo poor CO02043F74B got stuck hahah.

And the death of the chair for the sake of a book... There's some life lesson in there somewhere.

Manga as a 'Complex encoding of information' is the most complementary form of the genre ever. What was he reading by the way? Looked action packed.

Chuckled at 'The Demon Lord has kidnapped the princess!' haha

'IT'S FOOLPROOF' is now my officail monicker for convoluted plans that will go wrong hahaha. Nice gag you found there suuper. All in all this chapter is really having me chuckling. You're good at this slapstick comedy.

*Chaos in the room, completely destroyed'

"I was searching for information... And I got stuck'

Pfft. Great chap suuper. And I concur that you really hit the spot with slapstick and chaos, and Cogno grew on me too well. Second favourite character would be Lewis. His Chunibyo is just funny haha

Chapter 4
Spoiler
The Chapter title pages are too cute haha.

Pfft Junga

And yes let CO02043F74B stay away from the Junga game plz I don't know what could happen. By the way it's great he became small because I can't imagine what havoc he'd wreak mega-sized haha.

These guys are pulling out the block like ninjas hahaha. Hands blurring and everything.

And bow-tie girl is too cute with how she pulled out the Jenga. Gambate!

Stacking the books thing is how these things go wrong hahaha. What the heck happened to cleaning the room!? baha

Lewis and Connor are not a good combo if you want to have a peaceful life haha it just keeps on escalating.

The Supervisor is the best ever.

Poor CO02043F74B didn't deserve the tower fall. RIP robot-kun

Yes Tidy up plz pfft.

Props man, you made an entire episode out of Jenga. Was pretty engaging tbh

Chapter 5

Spoiler
Krystals' Poker face is legendary. She looks more robotic than CO02043F74B

As for kawaii bow-tie girl...

The under-handed tactic would end my career lol

The heroes of justice attack was heartless hahahahaha.

The feints between Connor and Lewis. I could hear epic battle music man hahaha.

No... Lewis you're not allowed to hold onto the cards bahahahaha.

Oh gawd is it even possible to tear a card like that? I imagined that'd take a lot of force hahah.

Aw she was invested in the game

Lance is a fool but he really is fun. I wish I had a troupe of misfits like this to be foolish like this haha.

Ah, I see Lance has mastered the JoJo Secret Family technique: Nigerooooooo

Operation Escape dun dun duuuun

I'm amazed at how much content you pack in the chapters. You've really been at this man props. And this is just one of the many manga you're juggling! Epic.

Chapter 6
Spoiler
"School is a prison" Hit too hard.

For the sake of knowledge you must break the rules hehehe.

The matter of fact 'We got caught' and the way she holds them like muppets made me laugh hahaha. Just look at how dejected they are.

And holy heck the head teacher must be buff as heck haha.

AND DID SHE EAT A DEVIL FRUIT lol

The entire silent sequence is having me laughing hahahahaha She even sealed the freaking windows.

Surprisingly chill though all said and done by not punishing them.

I heard Mission Impossible music when they started plan B

Also heard the MGS '!' sound when they saw the Head

Oh gawd what is happening with the Head. Kage-bunshin no Jutsu? Too funny man. 


Chapter 7
Spoiler
Hey reading manga can give you inspiration to make great escape plans haha.

And oh my god I was so invested in the escape plan the 'Why do we have to escape' thing also shocked me out of it.

And yeah, you should've done it in the beginning, and also a point above all this: You guys have already been adventuring for the last past chapters bahahahaha!

The Games club is pretty bare haha (great background drawing skills btw. Always have a sense of where everything is.

They were abducted pfft.

Oh wait the 'Help sign oh oh'

CO02043F74B is super useful with his transformation haha

HAHAHAHAHA I KNEW THEY FOLLOWED THEIR FOOTPRINTS

Chapter 1 Title Page remix was a good one. And I know about the fumes-stage of doing a lot of productive work. But this is where you get the muscle to keep on going. Serious props man. And stream-of-consciousness is a great way to reduce mental strain you just literally go at the seat of your pants haha.

Interesting take on one-dimensionality being necessary for energetic comedy. And it's a true point in a way, but I like it when comedies have their realistic parts for the conclusino of a season or the start of a certain arc. Gintama is legendary at this.

OH NO I REALLY THOUGHT THER'D BE A CONCLUSION FOR WHERE THE CLUB MEMBERS WENT lol. Knowing this school with doppelgänger Headteachers they probably were abducted haha. Or maybe they got sucked into a video-game.

Chapter 8
Spoiler
Nice homely neighbourhood. Like the background. And haha cute CO02043F74B in his own little bed.

"We can be outside... On the weekend!" Pffft these guys. And I like the panels where they have a shocking realization because I unironically also have shocking realisations.

Pfft 'Praise me more'

Like the park and the variety of outfits. Also you've got their expressions and body gestures down to a pat. It really
feels natural.

The tall transformation was hilarious hahaha.

Oh man his poor feelings were hurt because he was too heavy haha.

'Robot Equipped' pfft.

The "IT CALLS ME" was like the roar of a lion. I almost heard it hahahaha.

"I've heard rumours about shops like this. Men get abandoned outside of them for hours." Pfft it sounded like an RPG
where you find a legendary building with hidden lore.

How the heck did they buy so much in seconds hahahahaha.

The shiny credit card is a high-level item. How the heck does she have it!?

And good CO02043F74B with his transportation.

And yay maybe he'll find a friend in the Denki Electric store. But I hope he won't get dissapointed by their processing power...

And oh gawd you know Sayonara Zetubuo Sensei hahaha. Gawd I still need to finish that manga and anime. So creative, so weird, so hilarious.


Chapter 9

Spoiler
Talking to a mixer hahahaha.

And gahahaha he's stuck in that form!

Oh nooo he's getting bought! And that  scene pretty much summarized what would probably happen if CO02043F74B got discovered haha.

'Robotnapped' *facepalm

The Robotnapper was totally a heads-in-the-cloud sort of guy haha.

Pfft how she's proud of 'That's enough for an entire month!' Haha


Chapter 10
Spoiler
Too cute how she dreamily stared at the new milkshake flavour.

Wait did they ever get the clothes home? I lost track for some reason haha.

Nice restaurant scene. Like the progression of them ordering and how filled up it seems. Good background work dude.

"Because I'm an assassin!"

"Stop narrating other peoples' lives!" Pfft

Pffft its sad and hilarious how the parents are happy at him bringing friends. And yeah, tis is truth about quality over quantity.

The father trying to kidnap the girls smh

*facepalm* The damn cardboard keypad


Awesome robot collection btw

The 'Aren't we friends' ask was a low blow. Oof right in the heart.

The moment I saw him wear a bow-tie I knew the parents would be... Special.

PFFT the dedication to the gag by the mom having one too is too much haha.  WAIT THERES A BOWTIE ON THE LAMP.
AND A BOWTIE PICTURE.

I have no words for this family lol.

Oh gawd I was low-key invested in the entire speech on why bowties are the ultimate form of neckwear. And to be
honest... I like them too.

AND OF COURSE LANCE BUYS INTO IT.

And it occurs to me bow-tie girl also had one.

And KRYSTAL GOT ONE TOO.

This chapter is too hilarious. I want to see the other houses now.


I think you do a good job of Conner playing off Lance as competitive childhood friends, one more energetic and the other more subdued and serious like his parents, while Krystal is tsundere like and bow-tie gal is just kawaii. I think the constellation is what matters and so long as they show up regularly the comedy is there. Enjoyed this chapter. And hot damn was it longer than I thought. Awesome.



Chapter 11
Spoiler
Gawd for the life of me I forgot her name was Rosie.

And oof she's poor? Holy heck. My sympathy for her has only increased x100. I want to protect her!

The door handle falling off lol.

Oh gawd is the house in shambles because of how clumsy they are!?

The parents are too dopy and loving.

Losing your glasses on his head pfft.

And oh gawd they are just unlucky as all heck!

(pfft it was raining love pellets)

I didn't expect Rosies room to be like that. But maybe because of the bad luck magnetism of the parents she has...

Good luck? Or neutral luck at least.

And dun dun duuuun. Krystal is 100% filthy rich. I wonder if her parents are at home. Curious about them too.


Phew that was a great ride. WIll be getting to your other works soon but all in all great productivity man and serious props. I think I'll just make a general comment after binge reading the other chapters to be able to get through them faster and enjoy them more. Reading manga and reacting on every page doesn't work as well as when I'd be reading a script haha, but yeah its a great ride man. This is slapstick-manga for sure! Props suuper and looking forward to the rest!