December 05, 2022, 02:09:20 PM

------------------------------------------

If you have Login Problems Use the Login in Top Menu Bar


------------------------------------------
If you have a problem registering here, Leave a msg at our FB Page >> Here.

Plz Don't use Hotmail to Register. You might not receive Activation mail. Use Other free mail provider like Gmail or Yahoo.






Author Topic: Omega World [Prototype]  (Read 3700 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Suuper-san

  • Level 0 Writer
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6355
  • Gender: Male
  • Anyone need a wall of text?
    • View Profile
Re: Omega World [Prototype]
« Reply #15 on: June 06, 2021, 05:56:19 PM »
Chapter 9 - Fire Burning in Our Hearts

Chapter 9 - Fire Burning in Our Hearts































Bonus: Chapter Title Pages 2-5
Spoiler







Thoughts:
I noticed something interesting with this story - I’m trying to include slice-of-life Isekai elements but also shounen style plot stuff, and so I’m struggling to fit in everything I want into each chapter. I don’t know if that’s just I can’t compact my writing yet or I’m trying to put too much in or what. Also I’m not sure how the two different genres interact and it’s giving an interesting flavour to my chapters.

Also I’m apparently using the same format for each of the spells, I guess that makes it easier in some ways although I would have liked to have flexibility. But having a solid system makes it easier in some ways as well, so it’s good for a prototype method and it gets me used to writing magic-babble with some restrictions.

Depending on the manga you read, some have spells written out whereas others just use the names. I don’t know the pros and cons, but I think it’s nice to have the full spell, it’s like poetry and flavour text sort of thing. It just takes up a bunch of panels to do it though, so I tried to abbreviate it with just implied speech bubbles sometimes, as well as include a method in my system that allows the spell to be abridged anyway.

The script expanded into two chapters this time as well and so I had to make an interesting cut-off point when I wasn’t expecting it.

I tried to show time passing quickly with the exchange ebwteen Will and Dariel as they do chores, although the conversation is coherent. I’m sure ive seen that donebefore, but I don’t know how well it came across witht eh jumps in location.

I have my MC struggle to use magic first of all (as well as my other story) because I absolutely hate the Isekai stories where they can just use magic without any issues at all. To me that’s catering to people’s desires to have rewards without hard work, and that’s just contrary to common sense and isn’t good for writing any sort of story. Overpowered characters, written well, like One Punch Man, work, but otherwise you’re just writing a catalogue of special effects and weak clichés. But even in One Punch Man he had to work 2 years or something to get that ability.

have fun.
« Last Edit: June 06, 2021, 06:06:05 PM by Suuper-san »
Art: Manga / Fanart / Requests (closed) / Other Art | Manga Stories & Projects
Other Stuff: Tutorials / Craft / Cosplay | Feedback & Critique Welcome!

Offline Suuper-san

  • Level 0 Writer
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6355
  • Gender: Male
  • Anyone need a wall of text?
    • View Profile
Re: Omega World [Prototype]
« Reply #16 on: June 13, 2021, 04:10:58 AM »
Bonus: Chapter Title Pages 6-9
Spoiler







Just the chapter title pages this week, see my writing thread for why.
Art: Manga / Fanart / Requests (closed) / Other Art | Manga Stories & Projects
Other Stuff: Tutorials / Craft / Cosplay | Feedback & Critique Welcome!

Offline nothuman

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 23
    • View Profile
Re: Omega World [Prototype]
« Reply #17 on: June 18, 2021, 04:06:49 AM »
Read chapter 3! One thing for sure is I admire your ability to be expressive with simple lines! I really enjoy seeing the characters personalities expressed through their gestures and how I'm completely convinced that they're in a unique setting that is outside of our own. It's really cool and I'm certainly taking notes.

The one thing that did take me out for a smidge, if I had to add, is the panel where Darcie asks "What happened to your potions?" Because I'm reading from right to left, the order I read the dialogue went from "Both of them?" to "What happened to your potions?"  to "Ah, I used them". I think moving the middle bubble a bit to the right would probably solve that issue!

I'm taking my time with these but I will be back! It's really good so far!

Offline Suuper-san

  • Level 0 Writer
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6355
  • Gender: Male
  • Anyone need a wall of text?
    • View Profile
Re: Omega World [Prototype]
« Reply #18 on: June 20, 2021, 05:58:37 PM »
@nothuman thanks for the feedback!
I also wondered about the reading order in that panel, so thanks for pointing that out.
I look forward to any more feedback you will have!



Chapter 10 - The Mana Flows Freely

Chapter 10 - The Mana Flows Freely































Chapter 11 - The Old and the New

Chapter 11 - The Old and the New































Chapter 10 thoughts:
This chapter ended up with 2 epic things happening because of poor script planning. I think it went alright. Again not knowing my magic system very well ended up with a lot of discrepancies and things not explained very well.

The chapter script was also on the shorter side because I really wasn’t sure where to cut the chapter and I wanted the big cliffhanger and so didn’t want to write more past that point in this chapter. I could have put more filler in to pad it out, but I figured, better to not have filler for the sake of it and just go for more interesting panels. The chapter ended up on the shorter side, for the first time in this project. I did add some more converstaino where I felt it fitted just to get the 16 pages, as this was a super short chapter.

I think the spoken spells incantation would be much better in animated form, I’m wondering if that’s how I’m imagining the scenes sometimes and that’s why it seems strange as manga.

The MC seems more surpsied when using magic for the second time. that’s partly because he wasn’t expecting it to work, and he was doing it “on his own”, without using the system’s abilitites.


Chapter 11 thoughts:
I found it difficult to set up the father letting the children go to be adventurers after they were so against it, and Darcie even volunteering to come along. So I would have liked a better line of reasoning that softens the parent’s resistance down rather than quite a big jump as I did here. In my head it makes more sense but it’s difficult to explain it without lots of words. So that sort of went badly. I also phrased it badly on top of it not being planned properly. So it basically doesn’t make much sense, I think.

This chapter also ended up being too long and had to be split into 2 chapters. But this made the last chapter a bit more impactful as it ends on a decent ending. But this really raises the question of my methods - just because they generate more content does that make them a good method? i.e. am I just writing random junk filler instead of useful compact scenes? Or am I just planning too much in each chapter and it filling out is the natural consequence of not taking into account the scale of the events and the size they take up as manga? Only experience will tell but I can safely assume that I’m writing very noobish at the moment, one way or the other.

Also a script contradiction where Marcus says a healer wouldn’t use their ability without payment, but Patricia later says that healers are good natured and kind people. I couldn’t reconcile that issue, other than removing Marcus’s comment, but then it felt wrong as well. oh, well :P

During the medical room scene I think I mucked up a ltot of the ordering of the panels, revealing things in the wrong order, so it was probably quite confusing.

enjoy.
« Last Edit: June 24, 2021, 07:58:37 AM by Suuper-san »
Art: Manga / Fanart / Requests (closed) / Other Art | Manga Stories & Projects
Other Stuff: Tutorials / Craft / Cosplay | Feedback & Critique Welcome!

Offline nothuman

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 23
    • View Profile
Re: Omega World [Prototype]
« Reply #19 on: June 23, 2021, 03:59:25 PM »
Chapter 4 thoughts:

Overall, a pleasant chapter that reinforces the personality of the side characters. Dariel is: wreckless, stubborn, and one track minded. Darcie is: considerate, obedient(to her parents), and older-sisterly. Will's motivation seems to be "just survive for now", which is believable given his circumstance. But as far as personality goes, I'm interested in seeing what he decides to become in this new, exciting world compared to his mundane old life.

Some technical stuff:

Dariel's hair color is darkened in panel 1, page 5, and I mistook him as Will.

While I enjoyed the back and forth banter between the cast, I thought there were too many people present in each panel, making me feel a bit disoriented. In the previous chapters, many objects and angles that differed from panel to panel made each panel feel distinct and easy to tell apart. I think my favorite panel in this chapter was the close shot of the bags/personal belongings, but a small part of me wished it showed a little bit more things that would highlight each character's personalities(mise en scene but with belongings? mise en objects? I'm sure there's a proper term for it...).

I liked the gradual slowing down towards the end, with Will dozing off. I thought the order of the characters sleeping was well thought out and it was a fitting end to the chapter.

Oh and I LOVE the opening page for each chapter(chapter illustration? splash page? not sure what it's called)!
« Last Edit: June 23, 2021, 04:01:37 PM by nothuman »

Offline Suuper-san

  • Level 0 Writer
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6355
  • Gender: Male
  • Anyone need a wall of text?
    • View Profile
Re: Omega World [Prototype]
« Reply #20 on: June 24, 2021, 07:58:04 AM »
yuup your personality analysis is spot on.
As for will deciding what he will do , that's finally resolved in chapter 12, but it takes a long while. I'm not very good at dealing with personalities and struggles and so the story kinda went in a random direction.

ahhhhhhhhhhh damn!!!!!!!
the shading on the hair is a result of working at mega-fast speeds. I have made this mistake and caught myself many times, so I'm annoyed that one made it though the net. I've also drawn the wrong outfit on characters as well ahaha. that shows that having zero quality control really does have consequences :P

I've been struggling knowing what angle to draw each panel and so the lots of characters in each shot is because I'm clueless to be honest. Glad to know it was disorienting, that's given me something to go on for now.

Quote
I think my favorite panel in this chapter was the close shot of the bags/personal belongings, but a small part of me wished it showed a little bit more things that would highlight each character's personalities(mise en scene but with belongings? mise en objects? I'm sure there's a proper term for it...).
that's my favourite shot too ahahaha. I would have loved to show their belongings...I just have no clue what they could possibly be. My world isn't written too strongly and my research into medieval isn't that great, so I just have too many unknowns at this point. I dont even know what's in Will's bag, and that's modern stuff.
my regrets led to the (late drawn) chapter title page for chapter 2 being Dariel looking at all his stuff inside his room, so that's as close as I could get this time round :P

Quote
Oh and I LOVE the opening page for each chapter(chapter illustration? splash page? not sure what it's called)!
Thanks!!!! I love them too, to be honest!! the quality is a little higher than my pages and it's more of an illustration feel :P
Do they even have an official name ahaha :P I call them "chapter title pages", but "chapter splash pages" has a really nice ring to it!
I think I've heard "title card" being used, but that was regarding anime I think.
« Last Edit: June 25, 2021, 12:55:52 AM by Suuper-san »
Art: Manga / Fanart / Requests (closed) / Other Art | Manga Stories & Projects
Other Stuff: Tutorials / Craft / Cosplay | Feedback & Critique Welcome!

Offline nothuman

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 23
    • View Profile
Re: Omega World [Prototype]
« Reply #21 on: July 01, 2021, 01:12:44 PM »
yuup your personality analysis is spot on.
As for will deciding what he will do , that's finally resolved in chapter 12, but it takes a long while. I'm not very good at dealing with personalities and struggles and so the story kinda went in a random direction.
Something to look forward to!

Quote
ahhhhhhhhhhh damn!!!!!!!
the shading on the hair is a result of working at mega-fast speeds. I have made this mistake and caught myself many times, so I'm annoyed that one made it though the net. I've also drawn the wrong outfit on characters as well ahaha. that shows that having zero quality control really does have consequences :P
lol! I would be lying if I hadn't made similar mistakes myself. The most annoying lately is making sure weapons and other accessories are on the right side. But at least those aren't *as* noticeable so I can kinda get away with it...

Quote
I've been struggling knowing what angle to draw each panel and so the lots of characters in each shot is because I'm clueless to be honest. Glad to know it was disorienting, that's given me something to go on for now.
It's quite a challenge and I've experienced it myself after writing that post. I recently decided to try something different and do a 20 page of characters in the real life setting with more drama, emotions and.... dialogue. Coming up with a unique but natural shot for each panel was a grueling experience... so I understand a bit more of where you're coming from.

Quote
that's my favourite shot too ahahaha. I would have loved to show their belongings...I just have no clue what they could possibly be. My world isn't written too strongly and my research into medieval isn't that great, so I just have too many unknowns at this point. I dont even know what's in Will's bag, and that's modern stuff.
my regrets led to the (late drawn) chapter title page for chapter 2 being Dariel looking at all his stuff inside his room, so that's as close as I could get this time round :P
Do you work strictly from a script or are you more free in the way you change things if deemed necessary? I thought I was a former but I found recently that I'm the polar opposite lol. Lately, I've been adding random objects into panels and call them back later when I run out of ideas.


Quote
Thanks!!!! I love them too, to be honest!! the quality is a little higher than my pages and it's more of an illustration feel :P
Do they even have an official name ahaha :P I call them "chapter title pages", but "chapter splash pages" has a really nice ring to it!
I think I've heard "title card" being used, but that was regarding anime I think.
I've always liked extra/side material that shows characters in a different environment! And I think chapter title page sounds way more better than what I came up with!

Looking forward to reading the next chapter!

Offline Suuper-san

  • Level 0 Writer
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6355
  • Gender: Male
  • Anyone need a wall of text?
    • View Profile
Re: Omega World [Prototype]
« Reply #22 on: July 03, 2021, 09:48:54 AM »
Quote
lol! I would be lying if I hadn't made similar mistakes myself. The most annoying lately is making sure weapons and other accessories are on the right side. But at least those aren't *as* noticeable so I can kinda get away with it...
ahaha you get it!
I think having a good character reference helps in this regard, but also having a good second pair of eyes to double check for glaring faults :P

Quote
Coming up with a unique but natural shot for each panel was a grueling experience... so I understand a bit more of where you're coming from.
I've spent minimal time on getting the "perfect shot" with my current projects, since I have so little skill just doing "any" shot requires so much composition skill that it took my full attention. My next project will focus a lot more on composition and camera angles, because I'll know I have the technical experience from these projects to help me.

Quote
I've always liked extra/side material that shows characters in a different environment!
One Piece does it really well. I also read a mangaka somewhere said it's good to draw characters who are not in the current arc, but who were popular with the fans,  so they get a bit of screentime in the chapter title page.
Art: Manga / Fanart / Requests (closed) / Other Art | Manga Stories & Projects
Other Stuff: Tutorials / Craft / Cosplay | Feedback & Critique Welcome!

Offline Suuper-san

  • Level 0 Writer
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6355
  • Gender: Male
  • Anyone need a wall of text?
    • View Profile
Re: Omega World [Prototype]
« Reply #23 on: July 14, 2021, 02:41:56 PM »
Chapter 12 - The Beginning

Chapter 12 - The Beginning































Thoughts:

Firstly, this story basically ends where it possibly should have started. I managed to take the entire volume to get my MC into becoming an adventurer. I’m not sure if that’s good or not, since I followed the story how it played out in my mind. I also was probably subconsciously avoiding throwing my MC in the deep end and making them all gung-ho “Sure I’ll be an adventurer!”, because it’s totally dangerous and you could die easily. I don’t know if that level of realistic thinking is a good thing, it’s fiction after all. But given that I don’t like it in other stories, it can’t be just me that thinks like that.

To be honest my MC was almost against becoming an adventurer so his reasoning was even weaker than everyone else’s I think. He sort of went along with everyone else and that led to him steeling his mind, rather than making the decision on his own. Again in my head it makes a bit more sense but even in my headcanon he didn’t have a good enough reason I think.

So them all becoming adventurers is probably unlikely given their personalities up to this point. I don’t know if they needed more justification or their personalities should have been different form the beginning. I like the idea that Will goes from being indecisive do-whatever to more proactive, but I don’t think I showed that growth very well, or at all for that matter.

Regardless of whether it fitted, there were a lot of small events to fit in this chapter, like preparing to leave, saying goodbyes etc, and getting the order right for the events was a real pain ahaha

I basically ran out of content ideas for this chapter since it had to end somewhere sensible, but Will deciding to become an adventurer took up not much space, and I had no idea what to show for preparing or goodbying, so it took up less space than in my head. Overall the second half felt like a post-credits sequence after the final episode has ended, closing up loose ends. I definitely didn’t aim for that feel.

enjoy.
Art: Manga / Fanart / Requests (closed) / Other Art | Manga Stories & Projects
Other Stuff: Tutorials / Craft / Cosplay | Feedback & Critique Welcome!

Offline Suuper-san

  • Level 0 Writer
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6355
  • Gender: Male
  • Anyone need a wall of text?
    • View Profile
Re: Omega World [Prototype]
« Reply #24 on: July 20, 2021, 05:48:01 AM »
Volume 1 Bonus Chapter

Volume 1 Bonus Chapter










Bonus - Chapter Title Pages 10-12

Spoiler





Art: Manga / Fanart / Requests (closed) / Other Art | Manga Stories & Projects
Other Stuff: Tutorials / Craft / Cosplay | Feedback & Critique Welcome!

Offline Suuper-san

  • Level 0 Writer
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6355
  • Gender: Male
  • Anyone need a wall of text?
    • View Profile
Re: Omega World [Prototype]
« Reply #25 on: July 21, 2021, 01:12:52 PM »
Bonus Sketches

Spoiler

























These sketches are for padding the chapters to make sure the pages end up on the right even/odd combination.
Art: Manga / Fanart / Requests (closed) / Other Art | Manga Stories & Projects
Other Stuff: Tutorials / Craft / Cosplay | Feedback & Critique Welcome!

Offline Suuper-san

  • Level 0 Writer
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6355
  • Gender: Male
  • Anyone need a wall of text?
    • View Profile
Re: Omega World [Prototype]
« Reply #26 on: July 29, 2021, 03:55:33 PM »
Volume 1 Cover



Bonus: Printed Copy

Spoiler



Major statistics dump and rambling to follow, but otherwise this project is now complete!
Art: Manga / Fanart / Requests (closed) / Other Art | Manga Stories & Projects
Other Stuff: Tutorials / Craft / Cosplay | Feedback & Critique Welcome!

Offline legomaestro

  • High Chancellor of Righteousness
  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 20370
  • Gender: Male
  • real life has wack graphics
    • View Profile
Re: Omega World [Prototype]
« Reply #27 on: August 02, 2021, 07:02:19 PM »
General Comments

Spoiler
Chapter 3


Phew the bomb hit

Haha felt that defiant roar of 'I'm going to live, you hear me!!'

Yeah I'd pass on apprenticeship with this dude too. No offence '^^

Hahaha him realizing the world has magic seems super obvious to the dude but I think I'd say that too.

Darcie, Darcie, Darcie deaaar (The name reminded me of Flogging Mollys' Murphy for some reason)

Lesser healing is pretty effective haha. Can it maintain status of weaponry and shields? Because he looks real cleaned up.

 Pfft healing him only to wack him on the head haha.

Nani? The healing didn't work. Interesting.

Oh gawd is he immune to magic effects for some reason? Would be unfortunate in terms of needing healing but would be a great buff if he meets any nasty characters down the line.

Ah the healing worked. Interesting.

"It's only right to help someone in need!" They really are twins haha

'Traveller' is the most apt way to put things yeah.

It is indeed a magical tool that keeps food that never spoils. Always amazed at the invention of tin food tbh haha. It has no right not to taste absolutely horrible and I'm always shocked at how 'expired' tin food is still edible (Yes I risked it. I was hungry darnit, and nothing happened after so win win)

Oh gawd he doesn't have a can opener. Shakesperean tragedy right there.

Nani? Music. OST music for the game? Hahahaha. Nice work with the game pop up window. There's lots of manhwa that do it quite well with perspective and everything and I instantly understood it when I saw it here haha.

I really want to see a shot of someone observing a pop up window and how awkward it looks haha.

Thank goodness MC knows the rules of the game. Wait, nani the pop up won't go away hahahahahaha.




Chapter 4




Like this cover title too and also he looks to be struggling bahahaha his friend is saying 'Dude dude the chest first! the chessst!'

Of all the other manga I think Omega Worlds' title and font pops out the most imo.

Oh gawd that popup is going to be annoying if it has to float there all the time.

It's rare to see an MC  reflect about not getting to say goodbyes. Sombre.

Hahaha the popup finally dissapeared. Lag? Oh gawd.

Hahaha medicinal herbs are not to be underestimated Darcie! They're like... Heroically difficult to gather. Who knows if you're getting poison ivy instead of peppermint?

Will has every right to be worried hahaha. But the twins have the perfect dynamic: One blows things up willy nilly and the other heals the collateral damage hahaha.

Pfft at the 'especially him!' panel. Look at his pout hahahahaha.

Aaaand now the MC worries about his life haha. I'd honestly tag along with them on the spot. There's worst first people to met in an alternate world.

One is taking him as an apprentice, the other is too polite to accept his company hahahaha.

 I've always wondered how much of effort is spared the MCs in other-worlds. Does the levelling system just buff them up so long as they meet requirements? Or do they have to physically feel that burn? I guess not, I suppose. Which is the fantasy element of things. Without breaking a sweat you can level up to be OP by doing something ridiculous and then you're super strong haha.

OOF. New story idea: An Olympic participant dies and goes to another world and is secretly a masochist about sport, but he finds he can't ever feel any strain doing sport and is slowly getting mad and depressed even as he becomes super OP: Masochistic Olympian in Another World Can't Feel The Burn! Heh.

One and only nit-pick because you probably noticed but a zoom out to show how far they're travelling in some sense would make the distance feel more tiresome. But in general backgrounds are nice. I just like in general how the paneling and shots really feel like the camera work you'd see in any typical visual media.

"I made the wrong decision! My life expectancy is dropping by the second!" Hahahahaha this panel is almost a meme. MCs' thought processes are not as neurotic as Rai from the other manga and are quite hilarious haha.

Case in point: 'That's very nice and Quest-like of it' XD

Darcie lighting the fire is totally because Dariel would blow it up right.

Her calling him Sir is indeed odd haha.

Dariel: Out like a light in 2 seconds. It's actually a very useful skill to have as a warrior. Gotta get those Zzs whenever you can.

Ah, Mana-exhaustion is usually fatal in other worlds.

'... From Manga and anime!" Hehehehehe.  I don't know why I'm thinking of memes but you could use these two panels to remix a lot of stuff.
"Where I come from we don't bow alot... But we've heard a lot of it a lot... FROM MANGA AND ANIME"
"Where I come from we don't have sushi... But we've heard of it a lot... FROM MANGA AND ANIME"
"Where I come from we don't believe in sitting at the back of the class to be cool, but we've heard ... e..tc"

Another deep panel with him dozing off (like when he regretted not saying goodbye." Interesting way to end the chapter. Would love a close up of the fire maybe too? But the emotion was well evoked. As usual like i said you definitely got emotions down to a pat. I understand how the characters are feeling in the situations they're in. Nice.
 

Chapter 5
That is one random looking skill tree haha

Nice first page. Also Darcie-chan is cute.  Also how comforteable/uncomforteable is it to sleep in grass? Gotta try that sometime haha.

Awesome shot of staring at the stars. In general props on selling that it's night-time with the tones and stuff. It's trickier than one thinks until they have to do it haha. No matter how much you try to tell the reader simple black and white is nighttime by in-scene contextual dialogue and stuff it just never works. Tones are necessary haha.

"I'm just not that sort of guy. I can't remake myself. I am who I am." That hits on a level. Relateable.

Learning magic would be fun haha.

It got updated hahahahahaha. What is the god doing with this game bahahaha is it an indie universe?

I felt the sense of triumph when he said 'It's voice activated!" Nice pose too haha.

Yessss skill tree.

Holy heck yessss he's OP an can just cast a spell just like that!
 
And yeah that's pretty much like holding a gun in your hands. Oh my word what if he has to describe something with spell words within them and they just activate at random. I wouldn't want to talk about the weather at all anymore haha.

Yeah that was definitely a mana problem.

Oh gawd no it wasn't, the system is definitely bugged bahahahahahaha what the heck! A bugged alternate universe hahahahaha.  Instead of Omega world it should be Alpha World haha.

Nice scene with the glowing herbs.  Peaceful.

Dariel woke up instantly like a Sir haha. How the heck can you be so chipper at the start!?
 
Pfft he can't afford a shovel hahahaha.

Aw, they only got seven. And holy heck 50? Damn that'll take a minute to harvest.

Yesss Will! I... Actually have no idea how to fix this problem so I'm curious.



Chapter 6



Will and Darcie mirroring their nervousness and exasperation is legendary hahaha.

Oh the string formation thing is interesting. Did you come up with this solution or did it just occur naturally to you? This reminds me of the interesting conondrum that CO02043F74B had to deal with to get out of the room in Et Cetera haha. Liked the mechanical puzzles and stuff.

Props to Willie. I really think if he had a passion that really worked for him he'd excel or at the very least feel content. I keep on thinking lately about that metaphor of the so-called Einstein quote of "“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”  I think in essence this is a huge problem in the world. People who would legitimately do 'menial' 'difficult' or 'odd' stuff with super excitement, excellence and happiness are forced into shapes that don't fit them (and I'm only generalizing, they can be super awesome stuff and everything but yeah the education of the world tends to judge things in a pretty mercilessly cold manner.)

"Hard work is part of being an Adventurer" Is legit advice and It's actually not as cheesy as it looks hahaha.

Liked the silent two panels of them working at pulling the plants. Understood the scene instantly so props oin imagery and narration.

Haha they're tired as heck. Aaaand hungry.

Nani!? How did you never pack any food hahahahahaha

They've 100% been travelling for way too long from place to place without going home. That being said they seem like pretty agreeable people the twins. I think they came from a peaceful hamlet or something. Or maybe they just had a really cool parentage despite a tragic homeland? Curious curious.

The backgrounds in Whispering Magic were s tronger but holy heck props on drawing sitting characters. I seriously hate trying to draw sitting figures and the poses worked out haha. Also in general across all of the comics you've posted you have a nice pacing and show of action. I can feel the flow of time and nothing feels too abrupt for a change up of a situation before the characters speak and stuff haha. Props.

Kawaii service-maid desu-nee (New random idea: A Neko-Cafe maid is actually a heavy metal guitarrist and a 'nerdy' book-worm at the same time in a teenage-life crisis hahaha.) I love how your manga inspires interesting thoughts. It's a good sign, suuper hehe

Ah, having no money is a problem of all world denizens, Will haha.

 Honestly, the twins are way too nice but Will also seems like a super chill dude who's even invested in moral goodness (judging by the way he regrets and is anxious about certain things). Even if he's super unsure about life (from his first world and second) I believe he counts as one of the 'good guys'

The purse was defo stolen! nuuuu

...... Darius-san.... You are way too broke. Also these three panels are officially in my top-list of hilarious comic/manga moments hahahahahaha just LOOK at them. They are tired hahaha

(Oh nuuu depressed Dariusss) But for real though not-affording a loaf of bread is an annoying level of brokeness that I have twice enjoyed: I will not recommend lel

Hey he could sell  de cash as a foreign exotic thing imo hehe

 Oh gawd I want to eat a mushroom pie (especially if it is literally a pie made of psycadelic (spelling?) mushrooms hahahah)

Hahahaha they left holes in the field

Nice background on the guild

Lorraine doesn't seem excited to meet Dariel hahaha

Chanting the spell that long must mean it's a high level spell? And holy heck he learns skills just by seeing them haha.



Chapter 7



Hey as far as nicknames go 'Genius Tactician' is pretty dope!

Oh I wonder if the Guild Master will show up in the next chapters. Curious about how powerful he is.

Wait why doesn't Darcie want to become an adventurer haha.

"I can see nothing but death at the end of this path!" Hahahaha a smart man. I mean, he died in his every day life I can't imagine he'd have more luck on the road.

Nice background shot outside the guild. You really have mastered drawing cities haha.

No moneyyy.

Ah. A stable hahaha.

Poor Darcie hahahaha.

Will gets the idea. But honestly I'd rather sleep outside... Unless the horses really aren't that smelly haha.

Build a car, Will! That being said do you think given enough time you could build a car suuper? Hahahaha.

Hahaha your alarm hasn't gone off. Although, the game system could technically have a digital watch in there somewhere... Bugged but yeah haha.

"I'm in a Stable in another World" Should be a light novel series name hahaha.

Dariel has a good heart huh. But yeah he should sat least learn to cast Fireball first hahaha.

Coffee doesn't exist!? This world is hopeless! Leave it Will! There's no life to be found here! Nothing worth living anyways hahaha.

Haha food shortage and no place to sleep shalt be the eternal curse of this unlikely trio haha.

'You didn't have to go far for anything' is almost too deep of a modern problem. Walking around isn't a thing anymore. You know exactly where everything is and head there without really taking in the sights and sounds... Or something like that.

And what an accident it was hahahaa.

Being an OP Farmer in another world with awesome skill memorization seems like a legitimately good way to live, Will haha. TBH I don't ever see him going out to defeat the demon king. I like the philosophical/introspective nature of this 'another world' manga. It's pretty chill but deep to get into. I'd definitely love more silent scenes and panoramas (backgrounds are on point in general but it would sell it even more if you splashed some pages or slowed down some moments between dialogue. In general I feel this mood though so props!

'It's just random houses here and there' hehehe is that meta-commentary per chance? Hahahaha. But it looks peaceful.

Oh gawd Darcie literally calls them 'Mother and Father'. This explains the 'Sir' too haha.

Darcies' mom looks very motherly and pops has no chill bahahahahahahahaha




Chapter 8



Dariel being obnoxiously happy-go-lucy on the cover title I see hahahaha.

"Baka!"

Of course the pops is super concerned with other peoples' well-being too. Honestly Dariel is totally his son before whatever wake-up-call his pops got. I wonder why he needs a cane...

He did save you Will... But between that and the accidental explosions it was a close one. And I suppose Dariel is totally self-taught? I imagine his magic disfunction has to do with his father being a bit overprotective and not really equipping him with proper magic and adventurer training? Just a guess haha.

Aw poor Dariel. I think his pops is too hard on him. I felt that rumble.

"A very far away place" hahahaha the mans' literally died. I couldn't come up with a better explanation.

Wait they don't know what toast is!? This world is officially hell.

Ah that explains the fathers' timidness what with the family being one of healers haha.

Ah that explains Mr. Langfords' trauma. But it must be a competent family to get enough visits for him to want to raise his son that way. Still, I wonder why Dariel never learnt healing magic and how they're still in a humble village if it's a family tradition. The daughter at the very least seems real good at spells at her age so I imagine the parents are even better? Either way respect to this super cool family haha.

"You can't save people if you're dead!" Is an interesting statement. I want to have a counter-argument but to be honest it's a perspective that requires a little bit of dialgue to reply to correctly. In this sense I respect Pops' decision to raise his children in the way he has haha.

I feel bad that Dariel has been left out of the whole conversation, and have the feeling Will is one of the first people Mr. Langford has been able to at the very least express himself to properly in a long time. Tis is why travelling and having visitors is an important thing to have in life, you get to have different opions from totally different people '(not necessarily people who've died in another world but yeah haha)

Working hard and not feeling fulfilled is the worst feeling ever I tell you sir. Also ANOTHER deep sentence from Will. Honestly I wasn't sure but either this or Et Cetera are my favourite manga for extreme reasons of hilarity vs. interesting thoughts (And both have elements that each other have so interesting)

Nani a patient? WILL HEAL HER. Ah. Will WILL heal her! I hope.

Mr. Langford has a lot of pride and definitely understand where Dariel gets his over-the-topness hahahaha.

Ah I knew he wanted to be an adventurer!

This family is too wholesome haha.

Punishment was harsh but pops really does care for his fam haha.

Seeing Dariel being calm and apologetic is off-putting, but the dude definitely has a heart haha.

No no no, Mr. Langford: YOU are the strange one for being too nice haha. I'd definitely feel like Will in such a situation .

Aw I wanted more random scenes after the wood chopping like for food prep and stuuuuff. This is the time where montages are necessary hahahaha.

Feeling for Wills' appreciation of the rents. The Langfords are seriously coolbeans haha.

Happy ending to the chapter.





 Chapter 9




You're facing the wrong way, Will! For once Dariel is actually pointing at the target hahahaha.

What the heck is up with this update even? Bahahaha this is totally a noob programmer who's in charge of this universe. Poor Will haha. At least he got to wake up early because of it.

Ah Will  I'd really suggest enmeshing yourself with the family. Either that or at least living in the village. I honestly think the adventurer life isn't for him.

Hahahaha the lazy Dariel sleep pose is perfect hahahaha. And are the chickens normal chickens or fantasy chickens from another world? WILL. HELP THE COOL FAMILY hehehe

Oh thank goodness theres' eggs on toast at least... There's hope for this world at least haha. Also props on this scene (and in general I've never felt lost about the change of scenes and flow of time in your manga across the board so props man)

"Leave the man alone! He hasn't finished eating!" Is a quote for ages hehe. Never disturb a man by his Breakfast! Or meal! Grrrr. Haha.

Wait healing doesn't work on old injuries? What's that about? I need to hear the full story even because it means he got injured and wasn't nearby people who could heal him 1. Because he was in a remote area and trying to be a solo adventurer or 2. (A bit sinister) He couldn't afford adventurer fees or stuff and couldn't get a healer in time even though he was nearby people who could help... I hope Will can still heal him somehow - it'd OP but I'm okay with that. Mr. Langford is a gent.

I wonder what 'D.I.Y' is in japanese hahahaha. And yeaup it's quite interesting to realize that term really is a modern phenomena haha.

Will is the perfect foil to Dariel following this conversation, and yessss my wishes are fulfilled with the small-talk during the chores and stuff like I wished for earlier. Nice scene suuper helps build character and is interesting to read hehe.

Hey Will he isn't wrong: When you're strong everywhere is indeed safe haha.

"BECAUSE OF ANIME AND MANGA" Meme. Let it be a meme pleaseeee

"Yes you would!" Mr. and Mrs. Langford have the same simultaneous response dynamic as their twins hahahaha 

Wait Dariel trains? And yes I wish I had a hideout at all. Never came around to it unfortunately. Maybe in my next life as a hamburger? That'd be fun.

Oh the chapter title fits the theme of this one. Time for Will to show how OP he is hehehehe.

He looks way too pleased by the title of 'Master' hahahahahaha

I think Will is literally skipping all of these 3 requirements because cheat codes hahaha. But interesting. (Also I wonder how different this magic system is in comparision to that of Whispering Magics' universe? )

... You missed Dariel... Master Dariel dono I mean... But still... You missed

"He recovered from missing the target!" I share this amazement at how he can bounce back from such stuff too hahahahahaha.

Wait can you make the incantation in your mind or does it need to be vocalized?

Oh gawd I expected something epic Will... Literally nothing happened hahahaha.

Ah wait he's getting the hang of it hahahaha. Like this sequence btw.

Ah! Whispering magic parallel at least with the runes thing: Visualization is super important to magic making and stuff hehe.

Will found a solution! Heck yessss time for some levelling up hehe.




Chapter 10




Will going HAM on the science of magic and Dariel KNOWING the poor man has gone mad hahahahahaha. Omega World chapter titles are also my favs along with Whispering Magic. Really set up the manga in a way hehe.

Epic scene

Holy hallelujah Mushroom Cloud Fireball!!

They're both shocked as I am hahahahaha.

Wait Dariel isn't even remotely jealous or anything! This dudes' heart is too pure hahaha.

Fireballs are indeed cool haha.

Asking the important questions, Will. His aim is ridiculously bad. It never hits the target and as a gag that works but what's the real reason?  Curious.

Wait how does it answer the question hahahaha. I know  Dariels' all over the place but he technically does do stuff he puts his heart too. My most-likely-wrong-theory is as someone raised as a healer and put down by the good-hearted pops he doesn't really want to be attacky in his spell-casting so he subconsciously avoids being effective in his attacks hehhe.

That panel of Will and Dariel running contentedly is more heart-warming and hilarious than it should be hahaha. Their expressions speak to themselves so well. I could imagine that as a literal no commented 2 minute scene where you only hear them 'thump thumping' through the forest with those lazy stressed expressions as they head home hahaha. Like I said backgorunds are on point here too but I'd love more splash pages for this manga for sure. Quiet and scenery would put this on top-notch level for sure hehe. Fun ride in general and props, suuper.

Time is a relative thing, Sir Langford haha.

Dariel dutifully chopping things is also a scene I haven't been able to show in ages: You're real good at showing 'progress' scenes already and a panel like that is more time investement than one thinks. This is why I love manga and you show you understand that aspect of showing singular moments in the middle of the flow of the story. Western-comic telling is so dialogue and exposition heavy (and definitely has its place i.e tops manga in certain occurences) but the essence of manga is showing singular moments properly in the middle of flow (The rolling water bottle from Et Cetera is still one of my favs) but yeah good stuff.

"Potential for destroying forests" pfft.

I really like how wholesomely supportive Dariel is about WQill haha.

WILL NO DONT HEAL

Dariel is such a bro he lets a bleeding cut sting so he can support a bro. I need a bro like this hehehe. Seriously good hearted family haha.

HE DID GREATER HEALING. IT FLASHED TOO BRIGHT EVEN HAHAHAH AWESOME BUT NUUU WILL YOUVE OFFICIALLY CROSSED THE RUBICON HAHA
Aaaand I am thankful for once that this is not exactly a cliff-hanger because I want to know what happens in the next chapter for sure haha.



Chapter 11




Nice perspective shot on this cover title dude. Cool as heck and I really want to eat what they're eating haha.

Class A Curse? Nanii!?

NUUUU WILL DONT DIE AGAIN

Oh gawd did he die again and visit a new world?

Ah, he's still alive.

WILL HEALED MR. LANGFORD. HECK YES

Greater healing is awesome. It's like, the best possible sort of collateral damage haha.

I mean it's buggy as hell but I think it's trying to help him... Seriously though I wish there was directer explanation as to what exactly is happening hahaha. Either Will is responsible or the 'God' is incompetent hahaha.

Father and Son are seriously super supportive and curious it's too heart-warming. I was hoping for that hahaha. May the Langfords live many many many generations haha.

Yeah he totally wasn't hiding it haha

Will has officially recived a quest hahahahaha.

Dariel nervously agreeing to his fathers' admonitions is such a fun funny panel hahahahaha. Dat finger gesture is a universal gesture haha.

The Langfords are too trusting. Haruhi bless the haha.

YES BECOME ONE WILL. I was on the fence to be honest but I think he can at the very least be the best support for Dariel ever hahaha.




Chapter 12



Will looking stocked and ready for action: But seriously uncomforteable in this armour hahahahahahahahahaha. I think all the chapter title pages are my favourite for Omega World for sure haha. TheY're just fun and that word-logo play works too well hehe.

Dinner is much more important than registering for an adventurer hehe

Yesss Darcie is inpsired haha. Love the family dynmanic.

Also it took too long of a time but Mr- Langford reminds me of Jake

Also, I wonder how old the Langford family name is haha

Nice scene with the stars.

Oh bro, I believe Slime is the worst of your worries Will hahahaha. And to be honest I don't trust how bugged the system is, that's an entire storyline in of itself hahahaha.

"What even is a hero?" Is also a deep question that I can't unironically answer hahaha. 'A person who saves people in need?' 'Someone who puts others over themselves?' Really like Wills' monologues haha.

Dariels' definition is a bit optimistic, but super on point hahahaha. And also I appreciate that he isn't too naive to see that Will is 'one of a kind'

Will will finally have purpose! Yesssss. Really happy for him.

I'm super curious as to what exactly the music is from the settings hahaha. Good for you though, WIll, good for you.

Nice scene of him packing and I'm curious about the sick gal. Seriously the icing on the cake for this manga would be more silent scenes especially because you've got backgrounds and emotional transmission down to a pat suuper. Props and really enjoy the dialogue and storyline and everything but it shines even more from the quiet moments hehe.

Will does indeed look super weak hahahhaa. Wear a cape already bro!

 (Also liar you can totally use all magic WIll haha)

Millions of adventurers? Wait nevermind he only guessed haha.

Like the panel of the trio heading out. Would live lighting effects too hehe.

Also the Langford parents are too supportive and awesome and I wish them all the best haha.

 Darcie will totally literally write a lot of letters haha.

REMAKE YOURSELF WILL. I'm glad of his character development. And to be honest he had no chance with such earnest and kind company haha.

'And full stomachs' Yesss finally hahaha.

AND NUUUU THE ADVENTURE ENDED. I HAVE QUESTIONS AND CURIOUSITIES DAMMIT




--

Is the game bugged or not? Will will become a legendary adventure or settle for something more humble? How was the girl so badly injured and will Will ('Will Will' is offically one of my favourite question-sentences now) ever meet her again? Will Will ever truly explain the nature of his appearance? Is this world in need of saving or is the Hero-System as simple as 'Hiring people who can help the world' Will Will need to face a demon lord or something or is he going to be OK? What of his original world? Does he even want to return? Gaaaaaaaah.

Nice manga, suuper haha.

Relate too well to Lorraine haha

NUUU THE MONEH GOT RIPPED. Waiiit. What kind of bill was it? I once tried to rip an old-school one-dollar bill on a bet and it was super hard hahaha (didn't even pull it off)

Glowing herbs: Almost as bad as  cellphones in the dark.

Status screen insomnia is too underestimated in life in another world haha

I would sleep so many many miles away from a shelf of explosions in the care of Dariel: Yes offence darnit!!!

Rock paper- FIST

Oh gawd how do you flip an egg into making a new anime-protagonist-hairstyle hahahahahaha Dariel

The moment Dariel regrets a decision is the moment you should pray to all your gods. Also slicing up a slime should totally be a problem that happens to an OP character down the line that undererstimates their enemy and causes problems instead of solutions hahahaha.


Really not much to say in general other than: Awesome stuff Suuper. I literally cannot compute how you managed to pull of this feat of juggling so much manga at the same time and am damn proud of you man. Props and keep at it. I really would like to see a sort of conclusion to this and Et Cetera (And Whispering Magic if possible?) but in general trust your gut and I think you've definitely achieved your objectives of output, quality control and flow. The rest is just a matter of fine-tuning and doing what you like.

Unsolicited advice? Go for indie comic publishing and try to find internet domains to post your webcomics and stuff. And also I'd die for WIPs because it'd interest me so much how you managed to churn out so much content in so short of time.

Freaking frakking good stuff, man 
And may the Langfords live forever haha

Offline Suuper-san

  • Level 0 Writer
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6355
  • Gender: Male
  • Anyone need a wall of text?
    • View Profile
Re: Omega World [Prototype]
« Reply #28 on: August 03, 2021, 02:49:20 AM »
@Lego thanks for the massive feedback, I super appreciate it!!!!

kinda wrote a lot in response...actually you also wrote a lot as well ahahaha

Spoiler
Chapter 3:
I hadn't written very far ahead (or planned the magic system too far) when I wrote the healing not properly working on him, and it seems like more of a plot hole because I never addressed it. You're not far off, he does have a general magic resistance, but that also doesn't work well or consistently (also why would you resist healing? it's a glitch as well)
In my opinion for food use-by dates, there's a scale factor involved. i.e. if it lasts a year, one week more doesn't make a difference (~2%more), but if it only lasts 3 days (e.g. seafood), then a week puts you in massive danger (~200%more). So I think a tin will go much longer out of date (also the companies have to err on the side of caution)
Yeah this entire manga is an awful remake of The Gamer with an Isekai twist to be honest, that was basically the core of my inspiration.

Chapter 4:
thanks yeah some of these title pages turned out quite nice as well, although past about chapter 6 I kinda skimped on the backgrounds and so they weren't as great as they could have been. This chapter cover is probably my ultimate favourite over all the manga I did, as it's very full of energy and artistic balance as well.

I really wanted to show that Will had left things behind in his old world - as you say it's not touched on hardly at all in other Isekais and that's somewhat disturbing to me - that they have nothing or noone that they mind leaving behind. Obviously that makes them a prime target for an Isekai, but it's hard to relate to. Like they miss nothing at all, not even late-night corner shops? internet? google?
I wanted to show a lot of Will's emotions but I figured it would take up too many chapters and ultimately get nowhere, so I moved on but at least I touched on it.

almost all the other Isekai not even level up their MC to begin with, they START the entire thing OP as hell, and it infuriates me no end. Any levelling they put in (so they can say "see, they earned it!") is fundamentally pointless since after one episode they end up OP anyway and it's just fanservice and poor writing in my opinion. Everyone might want to see explosions and awesomeness, but make it realistic and earned and it will feel far better.

ahaha great new idea! There's plenty of Isekai sub-genre that haven't been fully addressed by a hit manga yet, so there's a lot of room for exploration (in more ways than one :P). Personally I want to find a new genre outside of Isekai because it feels like it's getting overused and saturated with poor stories now.

I'll work on adding more zoomed out panels. Part of the issue is whenever someone speaks I try to have them in view, which I finally realised isn't always necessary if it's clear who is speaking, and secondly silent panels can have any composition since noone is talking. Composition of shots took quite a back seat in this project since I was working on just drawing ANYTHING to any standard. My next massive project will try and feature more composition and skill in the art department :P

Glad you think it resembles other manga in the composition area, I'm currently putting off a massive research project on heavily analysing a lot of manga to understand composition, camera angles and so on. I'll likely do that before my next massive project, perhaps :P

I did try and make this manga and MC a lot more lighter on the emotions, so it could lean into comedy sections easier and be more lighthearted story in general.

Yeah I didn't see a need to make mana-exhaustion fatal in this story, since "you can live without magic so why would you die from not having it?". It also mirrors the gamey-feel of MP running out and you just have to wait for it to recharge with no negative effects.

the chapter ending was sort of chopped at the best location, I didn't originally plan for the falling asleep to be the chapter end, but I literally couldn't cut the chapter anywhere else, so it naturally turned out alright, but no skill of mine ahahaha

Chapter 5:
I've never slept overnight on grass, but it's basically as comfortable as a carpet. I've dozed on grass on warm days before and minus the bugs, it's surprisingly very comfortable. Easy enough to sleep for hours I think.
I did a bit of tonal testing for night-feel but gave up since I didn't want to spend a lot of time on it. I really wasn't sure how to make it nighttime without pasting a 30% grey over EVERYTHING in sight, so I left it white after the first page or so.
The MC being reluctant to remake himself unfortunately fuels a lot of (not so very interesting) non-plot in the entire manga. This was a result of me trying to avoid the normal gung-ho Isekai MC trope.

"Indie Universe" is not very far off from what it is to be honest, and the reason behind the original "Beta Reincarnation" title, as in "Beta Tester", for a game. The reason it's called Omega is that there are many worlds, each with a god/gods ruling it, and the one Will has landed in is a new world with a newbie god (with his world ranked last - Omega), so the world isn't properly set up yet and Will isn't properly integrated and the game system is broken as hell. I missed out on a lot of other ways I could have hinted more at this or revealed more in the "White Room", but I was working on a tight time budget and didn't have the time nor the experience to write anything better this time around :P

At the point in time Will uses the fireball he's not OP, just sort of general ability at the moment, but he doesnt have a lot of issues such as learning spells, so he's still got a lot going for him.

I considered Alpha World, but I think the meaning would be lost, as alpha games dont get as much coverage as beta games do, since alpha version is more in the developers room and doesnt leave until it's beta, so it's not really mentioned in forums/news etc.
Incidentally Will himself is from the Alpha World, which is the most advanced world out of all of them in terms of society and technology.

Dariel is just super stoked at this point to be an adventurer so it's more like his adrenaline never went down from the previous day ahahaha

Chapter 6:
Yeah the string solution came to me, not sure the exact order of how that worked. I think I wanted to make Will useful to them, to make them indebted to him and to show his resourcefulness, so I made sure that they wouldn't get the herbs in time, then I had to figure out what would Will have in his backpack that sounds plausible, and what would I do to solve the issue, and I figured "mark the plants somehow". It didn't feel so epicly cool as a solution but there was a bit of a nice logic shift from "the plants have to be picked in a small timeframe" to "they can be picked whenever as long as we know which ones".

Yes sadly virtually noone ends up in their dream job, and in some cases their dream job doesnt properly exist or it's so difficult to get into because of lack of availability. For example me wanting to be a mangaka :P

I think I originally planned something like Dariel left and Darice went after him the next day, and she's only just caught up with him the hour previously before the slime chapter, so it's still the same day Darcie left the house, and she didn't figure she'd need to pack food, or anything useful.

Sometimes sitting figures are easier because you only have to draw the upper half of the character. But that comes with its own set of challenges. Drawing at the low quality I did probably masks a lot of problems because of the loose lines.

ehehe you're getting a lot of interesting ideas off my mangas XD
now you've given me one - an Isekai where the girl MC ends up working as a maid but she really wants to adventure, and she's really OP and keeps destroying the shop by accident (and therefore has to keep working there to repay them for the damage) I'll add that to my list :P

yeah Will is a generally Niceguy(TM). I wasn't sure how much of a priority to make his survival instincts. i.e. "I'm only sticking with these kids to survive - I dont care about them at all", but that felt kinda bad.

goodness knows what happened to the purse - I did that just to make the struggles easier to write, and add some urgency to things to move the story on. Also saved them renting a room and the plot going nowhere.

I've never been super broke but I can imagine yeah wouldn't want that again...T_T

Loraine knows Dariel already from previously, they kinda grew up together as they're from nearby villages, as shown by the interaction with Darcie next chapter.

chanting the spell increases its strength, but not by crazy much as explained later. Also I noticed this discrepancy as well, but given the amount she uses this spell, it would be hard NOT to be proficient and to therefore skip the incantation.

Chapter 7:
nope the guildmaster was just a name drop I'm afraid. But he'll eventually turn up when Will registers as an adventurer, but I've not written it.

Darcie doesn't want to be an adventurer because it's uncertain (financially and otherwise) and dangerous, and she doesn't want to leave home. She also feels a responsibility to look after her parents and eventually take over the clinic they run.

ahaha only the first level of city drawing so far - there's a lot more to just cubes with roofs that I need to learn. Going to try and steal the style from Fairy Tail because those buildings and cities always look so neat and detailed, but they're actually deceptively simply constructed.

mehhhh it probably smells a bit, but it saves being cold from the night air, although it's set roughly in spring so it's not crazy cold at night. Also blankets and hay to sleep on.

hmmmm a very interesting question about building a car. I dont have extensive knowledge in car/engine mechanics to say "yeah I could totally build one", but I know enough to almost give it a shot, plus I'm used to working through prototypes and stuff to gain new experience and knowledge. The main issue would be that an engine requires very complex and precise manufacture (not to mention precise operation), and some methods wouldn't even exist yet in a medieval world (such as an electrical spark). An electric car would probably be easier methinks as an electric motor is much easier to make and is much more forgiving of bad tolerances (assuming you can figure out how to make a battery). Assuming all the materials could be procured there's a half decent chance it would work, but given the non-smooth roads in the current era it would never go anywhere (and would require constant maintenance methinks). you'd be best off making something else useful, like a toothbrush and toothpaste.

indeed even if it was there it would be bugged :P

ahahaha would be a great series name

coffee probably exists but it hasn't started to be imported yet. This is based off a medieval setting and so there's not much variation in goods yet.

There's already an OP Farmer manga lol if you can believe it. I lost interest after about 50 chapters but it starts massively interesting from a construction/learning to survive in another world viewpoint. Isekai Nonbiri Nouka if you care to read it.

it is 50% meta commentary but also that is the village structure, it's closer to a hamlet or whatever is the next thing smaller than a village. That's also partly why they have travelled to the other town on occasion as it is bigger and has things not sold at their hometown (homehamlet?)

yup Darcie is super polite and a Verygoodgirl(TM)

Chapter 8:
I semi-tried to make the covers relevant to the chapter content although it wasn't a big thing.

Dariel is mostly self-taught, he's got friends that also learn magic as an interest like he does. so they sort of bounce off each other for tips and ideas. Generally most children will play with magic as it doesn't require anything other than yourself. and boys lean towards destructive magic because of course.

they know what toast is but not the term when used to mean "I'm toast!". "you're a piece of cooked bread?"
I did wonder if that would be misunderstood when I wrote it tbh :P

hmmmmm the family are definitely competent healers, but given the medieval structure, people dont travel far for their needs, and so he's the village doctor basically. something like that. and children will take on their parents skills in this setting as they did in real life past.

ehehe yeah it was pretty chekhov's gun mentioning an unhealable person at this point.

yeah I was short on dialogue and didn't really know what do do for adding more scenes with the chopping wood. also chapter length wouldn't allow it as I'd already decided the cut probably by then. I did speed up some sections just to move the story forward because knowing me I could write a whole chapter on chopping wood and the story would go nowhere.

generally on my medieval research I found that travellers were quite well received by villagers as they went about their travels, so generally most people would be happy to have a traveller stay with them and hear stories of where they have been and what they have seen.

Chapter 9:
ahaha true true on the title page XD

noob programmer indeed. Unfortunately never explained in the entire first volume of the story, or even hinted at properly (although you sort of guessed it there so perhaps I hinted well enough?) always hard to tell how much to give away and when.

They're normal chickens because I ain't making a new animal and then drawing it 100 times lol

glad the flow has been followable. This story has simple settings, I dont move about much, but generally I've had a solid idea of where the characters are, and so that has helped in drawing them in the scene well.

healing doesnt work on old injuries, because they have already healed. kinda makes sense when you look at it that way. I never gave his injury a backstory, but your theory makes a massive amount of sense with the hinting I gave earlier. Perhaps he was hiding his injury and didn't want his parents finding out, and it only became an issue as he got older (like a sports injury or something), or he was out camping far away from a village and had to strap his own leg up. ouch. dont want to think too much about that otherwise it'll be 127 Hours all over again. Never seen that film but I can imagine.

Hmmmmm DIY in japanese is apparently "Nichiyou daiku" i.e. Sunday carpentry. ahahaha.

glad you like the small talk. I like adding it, but it can take away from actual plot, and takes up valuable page real-estate, so I'm still getting to grips with how to fill a chapter.

Quote
"BECAUSE OF ANIME AND MANGA" Meme. Let it be a meme pleaseeee


Quote
Maybe in my next life as a hamburger?
Made me spit air XD

I tried to make the chapter titles fit but I generally kept to one word abstract phrasing.

In this case Will skips one of the requirements, but using the chant he fulfils another. I went with the fact that the fireballs were unreliable last time and so he wants to learn it "properly". But his magic sense is totally overpowered since he has this "link" of the Hero System. If I'm honest I can't fully explain why he is overpowered in this scene, I just wanted it to be a contrast and like, a surprise to everyone even Will. Really badly written power system to be honest. It's heavily plot driven unfortunately.

Chapter 10:
I loved the mushroom cloud and the shock combo.

In my head I think the fireball just ate up the target as it went along, so it was probably a well aimed shot. Or Will being surprised by the size of the fireball upset his aim and it went off in a funny angle by accident. I didn't think about that too much.

Ah the answer to that is that Dariel doesn't have good focus, he's easily distracted by things and never finishes stuff he starts, like always on to the next new thing. So he's unknowingly not putting in very good focus, but he thinks he is. Perhaps will's response should have been "No you don't!!", and it would have made more sense.

looking back that was a cute running shot. Probably because I skimped on the face details their expression looks more comical than it should have done ehehe. They weren't meant to look so casual, it was just the scale of the panel didn't allow for the detail.
Also, a comical no speaking running scene? say no more https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJQXshfncfc
you're welcome :P

I struggle massively with both sequential illustration of actions, but also general flow of plot. Glad you liked the chopping wood but I can't say it was like a conscious "This'll definitely be a good scene" moment.

Dariel is kind of an adventurer fanboy - he's heard stories and also heard adventueres give their own stories as they pass through, so he's giving Will sort of hero-worship I think. But energy is his primary personality component, so whatever he does, it will be loud.

Chapter 11:
I think this is the first birds eye shot I have ever drawn, so it came out quite well.

Yup curse spoiler ahaha I threw that in but never brought attention to it.

I really had no idea what order to reveal world information about the god and so on. Ultimately he has been born into the world for a purpose - the defeat the evil that is growing the other side of the world (thanks to a "prank" from another higher level god)

ahaha I love that finger pose but I think I overuse it a tad because I'm short of other pose ideas. Definitely lacked a variety of stuff like that all over the project.

tbh Will was on the fence mostly as well, as well as me, so that's why it's kinda surprising that he does become an adventurer in the end.

Chapter 12:
I did generally muck about for the chapter titles on this story, mostly because I was so unsure what even made a good cover.

Yup Mr Langford is indeed 100% Jake. I copypasted that personality because that was the easiest thing to do ahaha.

Yeah Dariel answers one typical kind of hero but there are plenty more. People can be a hero for many reasons because hero is a quite vague term like "winner".

was finally glad to give Will purpose he was being far too non-MC so far.

The music, I imagined as a rip-off 8bit mario track. i.e. sort of catchy but you end up hating it real quick.

I definitely need more silent panels. Most of the issue is that I mostly wrote dialogue as the main script content, and so I drew panels to match that. I didn't really write any silent panels in much. Fortunately I take that regret forward into my next project, and hopefully, along with better composition, I'll have some silent panels as well.

Basically the sick girl who is a patient - her parents are utter trash and want her out of the way because they want a firstborn son to inherit the estate or something. So to make it look normal and natural they've paid to have a deadly curse that looks like a disease put on her to kill her off. Yeah I'm sure there were other ways, but the other ways would probably have succeeded. Perhaps other people would suspect them of foul play. Didn't really think too hard for it. Thanks to the Langfords persistence though she's been kept alive massively longer than they wanted. Will can't lift the curse at this point but he removes the debuffs and brings her back to normal, minus the out-of-shape body. She eventually catches Will up later as she wanted to give her thanks, and joins them on their travels . At which point he's OP enough to lift the curse. Her mind is still that of a little girl, despite being I dunno 18 or so, which leads to interesting misunderstandings and situations. Also makes for a perfect 2/2 boy/girl balance. I had in mind Will becomes a sort of father figure to her,but it was just a passing thought.

Quote
Will Will' is offically one of my favourite question-sentences now
ngl I tried so hard to not have the word "will" anywhere, especially as the font is always in capitals you can't see the difference. but I love the "Will Will?" combo.

and all your questions are on point, and I sort of answered them as I went along as well.

Bonus:
maybe it depends what countries money you try and rip? UK old paper money ripped quite easily. The new plastic money is indestructible though.

There are a lot of manga moments in many stories where an enemy/monster duplicates on being cut, or has an invulnerability to physical damage. it always adds an interesting bit of logic to the fight as they have to find a new way to defeat it. such as using fire, or destroying a core of sorts.

I have literally no idea now I manged to make it this far with all the stories to be honest, possibly a mix of pride and sheer low quality on the writing and art front methinks.

It's unlikely I will carry on the stories as I'd be writing myself into a corner for a lot of the plot. I didn't have enough experience to know how to properly plan the story from the beginning, but I knew that to gain the experience I had to write some throwaway stories that would simply be awful plotwise. They surprisingly maintained coherence above what I expected, but I'd honestly rewrite them sooner than continue them. Which is a possibility, so stay tuned.

hmmmm, WIPs you say...I can show the stages of work, but tbh I pulled most of the art out of the air. the simple art quality was basically first draft level quality.

"Underguides"
This is basically panel size planning and figure placement. The cross on the faces helps to give orientation.
Big blue dot helps to mark the panels which extend to the edges.
 

"Guidelines"
I draw the final panels in first, so the guidelines are in the right place when I draw them.
 

"Ink Draft"
Only draft for quality, it's actually the final version.
Text is added first and speech bubbles drawn around the text. Massively faster that way.
And then draw everything, don't need to draw what's covered by the speech bubbles.
The lines that go outside the borders are masked off later.
 

"Tone"
not very much happening here, but in a more serious manga this would be a very important stage, adding textures and shade would also happen here.
 

Other than that I didn't do much else, really I didn't have the time with such a huge project doing 4 weekly chapters. I figured that I wouldn't learn much from drawing the pages properly with lots of detail, so went for quantity instead of quality.

if you have any other queries feel free to ask!
otherwise thanks for the epic feedback over each of my stories, It's really useful to hear someone elses view and opinion, especially the running commentary you did gives a first-time readers viewpoint and thoughts (like guessing what will happen next etc) which is hard to get, so it's given me a lot to go on.
« Last Edit: August 03, 2021, 04:29:19 AM by Suuper-san »
Art: Manga / Fanart / Requests (closed) / Other Art | Manga Stories & Projects
Other Stuff: Tutorials / Craft / Cosplay | Feedback & Critique Welcome!

Offline watanabe_ringo

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 11
    • View Profile
Re: Omega World [Prototype]
« Reply #29 on: September 29, 2022, 12:01:07 PM »
love your fundamentals ;D although it is a rough drawing style, you can really see that you know exactly how to place bodies in paneling and all that and have good facial reactions