July 27, 2021, 10:54:31 AM

------------------------------------------

If you have Login Problems Use the Login in Top Menu Bar


------------------------------------------
If you have a problem registering here, Leave a msg at our FB Page >> Here.

Plz Don't use Hotmail to Register. You might not receive Activation mail. Use Other free mail provider like Gmail or Yahoo.






Author Topic: Omega World [Prototype]  (Read 1340 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Suuper-san

  • Level 0 Writer
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6007
  • Gender: Male
  • Anyone need a wall of text?
    • View Profile
Re: Omega World [Prototype]
« Reply #15 on: June 06, 2021, 05:56:19 PM »
Chapter 9 - Fire Burning in Our Hearts

Chapter 9 - Fire Burning in Our Hearts































Bonus: Chapter Title Pages 2-5
Spoiler







Thoughts:
I noticed something interesting with this story - I’m trying to include slice-of-life Isekai elements but also shounen style plot stuff, and so I’m struggling to fit in everything I want into each chapter. I don’t know if that’s just I can’t compact my writing yet or I’m trying to put too much in or what. Also I’m not sure how the two different genres interact and it’s giving an interesting flavour to my chapters.

Also I’m apparently using the same format for each of the spells, I guess that makes it easier in some ways although I would have liked to have flexibility. But having a solid system makes it easier in some ways as well, so it’s good for a prototype method and it gets me used to writing magic-babble with some restrictions.

Depending on the manga you read, some have spells written out whereas others just use the names. I don’t know the pros and cons, but I think it’s nice to have the full spell, it’s like poetry and flavour text sort of thing. It just takes up a bunch of panels to do it though, so I tried to abbreviate it with just implied speech bubbles sometimes, as well as include a method in my system that allows the spell to be abridged anyway.

The script expanded into two chapters this time as well and so I had to make an interesting cut-off point when I wasn’t expecting it.

I tried to show time passing quickly with the exchange ebwteen Will and Dariel as they do chores, although the conversation is coherent. I’m sure ive seen that donebefore, but I don’t know how well it came across witht eh jumps in location.

I have my MC struggle to use magic first of all (as well as my other story) because I absolutely hate the Isekai stories where they can just use magic without any issues at all. To me that’s catering to people’s desires to have rewards without hard work, and that’s just contrary to common sense and isn’t good for writing any sort of story. Overpowered characters, written well, like One Punch Man, work, but otherwise you’re just writing a catalogue of special effects and weak clichés. But even in One Punch Man he had to work 2 years or something to get that ability.

have fun.
« Last Edit: June 06, 2021, 06:06:05 PM by Suuper-san »
Art: Manga / Fanart / Requests (closed) / Other Art | Manga Stories & Projects
Other Stuff: Tutorials / Craft | Feedback & Critique Welcome!

Offline Suuper-san

  • Level 0 Writer
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6007
  • Gender: Male
  • Anyone need a wall of text?
    • View Profile
Re: Omega World [Prototype]
« Reply #16 on: June 13, 2021, 04:10:58 AM »
Bonus: Chapter Title Pages 6-9
Spoiler







Just the chapter title pages this week, see my writing thread for why.
Art: Manga / Fanart / Requests (closed) / Other Art | Manga Stories & Projects
Other Stuff: Tutorials / Craft | Feedback & Critique Welcome!

Offline nothuman

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 23
    • View Profile
Re: Omega World [Prototype]
« Reply #17 on: June 18, 2021, 04:06:49 AM »
Read chapter 3! One thing for sure is I admire your ability to be expressive with simple lines! I really enjoy seeing the characters personalities expressed through their gestures and how I'm completely convinced that they're in a unique setting that is outside of our own. It's really cool and I'm certainly taking notes.

The one thing that did take me out for a smidge, if I had to add, is the panel where Darcie asks "What happened to your potions?" Because I'm reading from right to left, the order I read the dialogue went from "Both of them?" to "What happened to your potions?"  to "Ah, I used them". I think moving the middle bubble a bit to the right would probably solve that issue!

I'm taking my time with these but I will be back! It's really good so far!

Offline Suuper-san

  • Level 0 Writer
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6007
  • Gender: Male
  • Anyone need a wall of text?
    • View Profile
Re: Omega World [Prototype]
« Reply #18 on: June 20, 2021, 05:58:37 PM »
@nothuman thanks for the feedback!
I also wondered about the reading order in that panel, so thanks for pointing that out.
I look forward to any more feedback you will have!



Chapter 10 - The Mana Flows Freely

Chapter 10 - The Mana Flows Freely































Chapter 11 - The Old and the New

Chapter 11 - The Old and the New































Chapter 10 thoughts:
This chapter ended up with 2 epic things happening because of poor script planning. I think it went alright. Again not knowing my magic system very well ended up with a lot of discrepancies and things not explained very well.

The chapter script was also on the shorter side because I really wasn’t sure where to cut the chapter and I wanted the big cliffhanger and so didn’t want to write more past that point in this chapter. I could have put more filler in to pad it out, but I figured, better to not have filler for the sake of it and just go for more interesting panels. The chapter ended up on the shorter side, for the first time in this project. I did add some more converstaino where I felt it fitted just to get the 16 pages, as this was a super short chapter.

I think the spoken spells incantation would be much better in animated form, I’m wondering if that’s how I’m imagining the scenes sometimes and that’s why it seems strange as manga.

The MC seems more surpsied when using magic for the second time. that’s partly because he wasn’t expecting it to work, and he was doing it “on his own”, without using the system’s abilitites.


Chapter 11 thoughts:
I found it difficult to set up the father letting the children go to be adventurers after they were so against it, and Darcie even volunteering to come along. So I would have liked a better line of reasoning that softens the parent’s resistance down rather than quite a big jump as I did here. In my head it makes more sense but it’s difficult to explain it without lots of words. So that sort of went badly. I also phrased it badly on top of it not being planned properly. So it basically doesn’t make much sense, I think.

This chapter also ended up being too long and had to be split into 2 chapters. But this made the last chapter a bit more impactful as it ends on a decent ending. But this really raises the question of my methods - just because they generate more content does that make them a good method? i.e. am I just writing random junk filler instead of useful compact scenes? Or am I just planning too much in each chapter and it filling out is the natural consequence of not taking into account the scale of the events and the size they take up as manga? Only experience will tell but I can safely assume that I’m writing very noobish at the moment, one way or the other.

Also a script contradiction where Marcus says a healer wouldn’t use their ability without payment, but Patricia later says that healers are good natured and kind people. I couldn’t reconcile that issue, other than removing Marcus’s comment, but then it felt wrong as well. oh, well :P

During the medical room scene I think I mucked up a ltot of the ordering of the panels, revealing things in the wrong order, so it was probably quite confusing.

enjoy.
« Last Edit: June 24, 2021, 07:58:37 AM by Suuper-san »
Art: Manga / Fanart / Requests (closed) / Other Art | Manga Stories & Projects
Other Stuff: Tutorials / Craft | Feedback & Critique Welcome!

Offline nothuman

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 23
    • View Profile
Re: Omega World [Prototype]
« Reply #19 on: June 23, 2021, 03:59:25 PM »
Chapter 4 thoughts:

Overall, a pleasant chapter that reinforces the personality of the side characters. Dariel is: wreckless, stubborn, and one track minded. Darcie is: considerate, obedient(to her parents), and older-sisterly. Will's motivation seems to be "just survive for now", which is believable given his circumstance. But as far as personality goes, I'm interested in seeing what he decides to become in this new, exciting world compared to his mundane old life.

Some technical stuff:

Dariel's hair color is darkened in panel 1, page 5, and I mistook him as Will.

While I enjoyed the back and forth banter between the cast, I thought there were too many people present in each panel, making me feel a bit disoriented. In the previous chapters, many objects and angles that differed from panel to panel made each panel feel distinct and easy to tell apart. I think my favorite panel in this chapter was the close shot of the bags/personal belongings, but a small part of me wished it showed a little bit more things that would highlight each character's personalities(mise en scene but with belongings? mise en objects? I'm sure there's a proper term for it...).

I liked the gradual slowing down towards the end, with Will dozing off. I thought the order of the characters sleeping was well thought out and it was a fitting end to the chapter.

Oh and I LOVE the opening page for each chapter(chapter illustration? splash page? not sure what it's called)!
« Last Edit: June 23, 2021, 04:01:37 PM by nothuman »

Offline Suuper-san

  • Level 0 Writer
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6007
  • Gender: Male
  • Anyone need a wall of text?
    • View Profile
Re: Omega World [Prototype]
« Reply #20 on: June 24, 2021, 07:58:04 AM »
yuup your personality analysis is spot on.
As for will deciding what he will do , that's finally resolved in chapter 12, but it takes a long while. I'm not very good at dealing with personalities and struggles and so the story kinda went in a random direction.

ahhhhhhhhhhh damn!!!!!!!
the shading on the hair is a result of working at mega-fast speeds. I have made this mistake and caught myself many times, so I'm annoyed that one made it though the net. I've also drawn the wrong outfit on characters as well ahaha. that shows that having zero quality control really does have consequences :P

I've been struggling knowing what angle to draw each panel and so the lots of characters in each shot is because I'm clueless to be honest. Glad to know it was disorienting, that's given me something to go on for now.

Quote
I think my favorite panel in this chapter was the close shot of the bags/personal belongings, but a small part of me wished it showed a little bit more things that would highlight each character's personalities(mise en scene but with belongings? mise en objects? I'm sure there's a proper term for it...).
that's my favourite shot too ahahaha. I would have loved to show their belongings...I just have no clue what they could possibly be. My world isn't written too strongly and my research into medieval isn't that great, so I just have too many unknowns at this point. I dont even know what's in Will's bag, and that's modern stuff.
my regrets led to the (late drawn) chapter title page for chapter 2 being Dariel looking at all his stuff inside his room, so that's as close as I could get this time round :P

Quote
Oh and I LOVE the opening page for each chapter(chapter illustration? splash page? not sure what it's called)!
Thanks!!!! I love them too, to be honest!! the quality is a little higher than my pages and it's more of an illustration feel :P
Do they even have an official name ahaha :P I call them "chapter title pages", but "chapter splash pages" has a really nice ring to it!
I think I've heard "title card" being used, but that was regarding anime I think.
« Last Edit: June 25, 2021, 12:55:52 AM by Suuper-san »
Art: Manga / Fanart / Requests (closed) / Other Art | Manga Stories & Projects
Other Stuff: Tutorials / Craft | Feedback & Critique Welcome!

Offline nothuman

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 23
    • View Profile
Re: Omega World [Prototype]
« Reply #21 on: July 01, 2021, 01:12:44 PM »
yuup your personality analysis is spot on.
As for will deciding what he will do , that's finally resolved in chapter 12, but it takes a long while. I'm not very good at dealing with personalities and struggles and so the story kinda went in a random direction.
Something to look forward to!

Quote
ahhhhhhhhhhh damn!!!!!!!
the shading on the hair is a result of working at mega-fast speeds. I have made this mistake and caught myself many times, so I'm annoyed that one made it though the net. I've also drawn the wrong outfit on characters as well ahaha. that shows that having zero quality control really does have consequences :P
lol! I would be lying if I hadn't made similar mistakes myself. The most annoying lately is making sure weapons and other accessories are on the right side. But at least those aren't *as* noticeable so I can kinda get away with it...

Quote
I've been struggling knowing what angle to draw each panel and so the lots of characters in each shot is because I'm clueless to be honest. Glad to know it was disorienting, that's given me something to go on for now.
It's quite a challenge and I've experienced it myself after writing that post. I recently decided to try something different and do a 20 page of characters in the real life setting with more drama, emotions and.... dialogue. Coming up with a unique but natural shot for each panel was a grueling experience... so I understand a bit more of where you're coming from.

Quote
that's my favourite shot too ahahaha. I would have loved to show their belongings...I just have no clue what they could possibly be. My world isn't written too strongly and my research into medieval isn't that great, so I just have too many unknowns at this point. I dont even know what's in Will's bag, and that's modern stuff.
my regrets led to the (late drawn) chapter title page for chapter 2 being Dariel looking at all his stuff inside his room, so that's as close as I could get this time round :P
Do you work strictly from a script or are you more free in the way you change things if deemed necessary? I thought I was a former but I found recently that I'm the polar opposite lol. Lately, I've been adding random objects into panels and call them back later when I run out of ideas.


Quote
Thanks!!!! I love them too, to be honest!! the quality is a little higher than my pages and it's more of an illustration feel :P
Do they even have an official name ahaha :P I call them "chapter title pages", but "chapter splash pages" has a really nice ring to it!
I think I've heard "title card" being used, but that was regarding anime I think.
I've always liked extra/side material that shows characters in a different environment! And I think chapter title page sounds way more better than what I came up with!

Looking forward to reading the next chapter!

Offline Suuper-san

  • Level 0 Writer
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6007
  • Gender: Male
  • Anyone need a wall of text?
    • View Profile
Re: Omega World [Prototype]
« Reply #22 on: July 03, 2021, 09:48:54 AM »
Quote
lol! I would be lying if I hadn't made similar mistakes myself. The most annoying lately is making sure weapons and other accessories are on the right side. But at least those aren't *as* noticeable so I can kinda get away with it...
ahaha you get it!
I think having a good character reference helps in this regard, but also having a good second pair of eyes to double check for glaring faults :P

Quote
Coming up with a unique but natural shot for each panel was a grueling experience... so I understand a bit more of where you're coming from.
I've spent minimal time on getting the "perfect shot" with my current projects, since I have so little skill just doing "any" shot requires so much composition skill that it took my full attention. My next project will focus a lot more on composition and camera angles, because I'll know I have the technical experience from these projects to help me.

Quote
I've always liked extra/side material that shows characters in a different environment!
One Piece does it really well. I also read a mangaka somewhere said it's good to draw characters who are not in the current arc, but who were popular with the fans,  so they get a bit of screentime in the chapter title page.
Art: Manga / Fanart / Requests (closed) / Other Art | Manga Stories & Projects
Other Stuff: Tutorials / Craft | Feedback & Critique Welcome!

Offline Suuper-san

  • Level 0 Writer
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6007
  • Gender: Male
  • Anyone need a wall of text?
    • View Profile
Re: Omega World [Prototype]
« Reply #23 on: July 14, 2021, 02:41:56 PM »
Chapter 12 - The Beginning

Chapter 12 - The Beginning































Thoughts:

Firstly, this story basically ends where it possibly should have started. I managed to take the entire volume to get my MC into becoming an adventurer. I’m not sure if that’s good or not, since I followed the story how it played out in my mind. I also was probably subconsciously avoiding throwing my MC in the deep end and making them all gung-ho “Sure I’ll be an adventurer!”, because it’s totally dangerous and you could die easily. I don’t know if that level of realistic thinking is a good thing, it’s fiction after all. But given that I don’t like it in other stories, it can’t be just me that thinks like that.

To be honest my MC was almost against becoming an adventurer so his reasoning was even weaker than everyone else’s I think. He sort of went along with everyone else and that led to him steeling his mind, rather than making the decision on his own. Again in my head it makes a bit more sense but even in my headcanon he didn’t have a good enough reason I think.

So them all becoming adventurers is probably unlikely given their personalities up to this point. I don’t know if they needed more justification or their personalities should have been different form the beginning. I like the idea that Will goes from being indecisive do-whatever to more proactive, but I don’t think I showed that growth very well, or at all for that matter.

Regardless of whether it fitted, there were a lot of small events to fit in this chapter, like preparing to leave, saying goodbyes etc, and getting the order right for the events was a real pain ahaha

I basically ran out of content ideas for this chapter since it had to end somewhere sensible, but Will deciding to become an adventurer took up not much space, and I had no idea what to show for preparing or goodbying, so it took up less space than in my head. Overall the second half felt like a post-credits sequence after the final episode has ended, closing up loose ends. I definitely didn’t aim for that feel.

enjoy.
Art: Manga / Fanart / Requests (closed) / Other Art | Manga Stories & Projects
Other Stuff: Tutorials / Craft | Feedback & Critique Welcome!

Offline Suuper-san

  • Level 0 Writer
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6007
  • Gender: Male
  • Anyone need a wall of text?
    • View Profile
Re: Omega World [Prototype]
« Reply #24 on: July 20, 2021, 05:48:01 AM »
Volume 1 Bonus Chapter

Volume 1 Bonus Chapter










Bonus - Chapter Title Pages 10-12

Spoiler





Art: Manga / Fanart / Requests (closed) / Other Art | Manga Stories & Projects
Other Stuff: Tutorials / Craft | Feedback & Critique Welcome!

Offline Suuper-san

  • Level 0 Writer
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6007
  • Gender: Male
  • Anyone need a wall of text?
    • View Profile
Re: Omega World [Prototype]
« Reply #25 on: July 21, 2021, 01:12:52 PM »
Bonus Sketches

Spoiler

























These sketches are for padding the chapters to make sure the pages end up on the right even/odd combination.
Art: Manga / Fanart / Requests (closed) / Other Art | Manga Stories & Projects
Other Stuff: Tutorials / Craft | Feedback & Critique Welcome!