July 27, 2021, 10:21:26 AM

------------------------------------------

If you have Login Problems Use the Login in Top Menu Bar


------------------------------------------
If you have a problem registering here, Leave a msg at our FB Page >> Here.

Plz Don't use Hotmail to Register. You might not receive Activation mail. Use Other free mail provider like Gmail or Yahoo.






Author Topic: Eclipse [Prototype]  (Read 872 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Suuper-san

  • Level 0 Writer
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6007
  • Gender: Male
  • Anyone need a wall of text?
    • View Profile
Re: Eclipse [Prototype]
« Reply #15 on: June 06, 2021, 05:46:14 PM »
Chapter 9 - Collateral Damage

Chapter 9 - Collateral Damage































Bonus: Chapter Title Pages 2-5
Spoiler







Thoughts:

I felt Sam should have been a lot more angrier at Jake than what he was, but the trouble I had was getting Sam to calm down would have been harder afterwards, so I had to make his reaction dealable with in the rest of the script. I think partly I’m thinking too realistically for Sam’s reactions - in other words, how someone in real life would react, whereas most civilians in any action story seem to adjust magically to deal with saving the world or whatever’s going on. It makes for a good story, but I imagine in reality most would be having panic attacks all over the place if aliens attacked or a comet was coming to the earth etc. So to some extent, you have to make your characters unrealistic to make the story interesting, otherwise they would never be capable of greatness. Therefore my character writing could use a lot of upgrading then, I think.

Also I’m recycling character designs from my other stories since my sketchy art can only distinguish between about ~10 characters easily with just the face. Nia is meant to be dark skinned, but since I’m not using tones properly in my manga I wasn’t sure how to show that properly. Also did I even mention her name? lol

Also I limited Heather’s healing ability because in the original story, although never explained, Joshua has an untrained healing ability as well, which is crucial to the climax of the story. I don’t really know where I wanted to take that now the story is leaning in its own direction.

Talking of injuries I think everyone got off quite lightly for being in an explosion and falling debris. I thought that from ages ago but I couldn’t figure out how to fix the story to avoid that inconsistency, even with them being superpowered it’s not like it makes them any tougher, although a lot of stories lean that way for adding more eaction easily.

Also I tried to make Annabelle a sort of tsundere but wasn’t sure about her dialogue at all so meh.
Not sure why Annabelle says thanks or why in that specific scene she is stundere.

Also at the end I’m not sure if Sam should have been proud of Emily or not. Because he’s conflicted.

So a lot of script issues this time.

enjoy.
Art: Manga / Fanart / Requests (closed) / Other Art | Manga Stories & Projects
Other Stuff: Tutorials / Craft | Feedback & Critique Welcome!

Offline Suuper-san

  • Level 0 Writer
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6007
  • Gender: Male
  • Anyone need a wall of text?
    • View Profile
Re: Eclipse [Prototype]
« Reply #16 on: June 13, 2021, 04:07:35 AM »
Bonus: Chapter Title Pages 6-9
Spoiler







Just the chapter title pages this week, see my writing thread for why.
Art: Manga / Fanart / Requests (closed) / Other Art | Manga Stories & Projects
Other Stuff: Tutorials / Craft | Feedback & Critique Welcome!

Offline Suuper-san

  • Level 0 Writer
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6007
  • Gender: Male
  • Anyone need a wall of text?
    • View Profile
Re: Eclipse [Prototype]
« Reply #17 on: June 20, 2021, 05:47:02 PM »
Chapter 10 - A Powerful Ally

Chapter 10 - A Powerful Ally





































Chapter 11 - The Lightening Load

Chapter 11 - The Lightening Load

































Chapter 10 choughts:

I wanted to really show off Jake’s abilities as being quite over powered but I found it hard to imagine what powers he has, but also how to show them in the best way. Since it borders on action shots, which I’ve hardly done, it was all new territory with showing cool poses and angles for things.
Also, it’s a kamehameha lol

I really wanted to do a double page spread, simply to test my ability to draw one at all (the workflow), so I threw that in for practice purposes. I think it fitted though for epicness. This scene was also a way to practice writing and drawing action and use of powers without the trouble of writing combat sequences between several opponents, so it’s a cop out that still gives me experience.


Also kinda skimmed past a super important point that a lot of the members are orphans or ran away from home because of the negative view of those with Abilities. Would definitely be good to get more emotion in that, or focus specifically on a few members and their actual stories rather than just cramming it into one general statement.

Also why does Cleo type on her keyboard hwne she’s a technopath and doesn’t need to even touch the computer to operate it? That’s because she’s used to hiding her ability and by habit she touches the keys even when she uses her ability. Should really mention this kinda of stuff.

Chapter 11 thoughts:
It was hard writing the pep talk/instructions Jake/Danny give to Emily, partly because my power system is barely written at all, I’m just going with BnHA/X-Men vibes and so didn’t really think about how one would train their ability or improve it, other than just practicing and trying really hard. So that portion is just energetic space-filling I’m afraid. But at the end of the day, it’s fiction, so I guess it almost fits anyway.

But I also managed to fit some exposition in, like basic explanation of the powers themselves, which probably should have been mentioned earlier, but I’m getting used to working out the things I want to include, when.

There’s no amazing reason why Emily’s ability is Gravity Manipulation - it’s just that I always had that as her ability from the beginning, but it’s easily mistakable as telekinesis, especially since it’s not like you can have a test which tells you what your ability is.

The flight scene didn’t come across as I wanted, I was hoping for a much cooler presentation with her going into the air and everyone watching in suspense and excitement.

enjoy.
« Last Edit: June 21, 2021, 02:26:55 AM by Suuper-san »
Art: Manga / Fanart / Requests (closed) / Other Art | Manga Stories & Projects
Other Stuff: Tutorials / Craft | Feedback & Critique Welcome!

Offline Suuper-san

  • Level 0 Writer
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6007
  • Gender: Male
  • Anyone need a wall of text?
    • View Profile
Re: Eclipse [Prototype]
« Reply #18 on: July 14, 2021, 02:34:53 PM »
Chapter 12 - Returning Troubles

Chapter 12 - Returning Troubles

































Thoughts:

Literally so much fail in this chapter lol. But it’s all useful experience.

The art quality is exceptionallylow, I started to get confused with characters and stuff. See my writing thread for why. Basically I stopped caring about that level of quality and just trying to finish the project quickly.

Well this was as close as I could get to “bad guys doing bad guy stuff (TM)” this time around. So many unknowns, like the dialogue they would use, the actions they would take, and so on. So I just sort of went along the only route that presented itself although I didn’t really like it. It gave me a chance to try and almost get some action and fight scenes between ability users. None of it feels like it would fit in my story really, at least how I originally intended the story to go. They don’t sound bad-guy enough basically, although they are small fry in the grand scheme of things. The entire plot lacked coherence on every level, but at least I have the experience of doing it, so I can do a better shot next time. I find it hard to write “bad guy” stuff since really I’m a cute girls doing cute stuff kinda guy, so any sort of tension is beyond me, both in ability but also in style preference :P

I tried to show that one of them had an invisibility power but that was difficult with my sketchy style and lack of experience. Also it may come as a surprise since I didn’t really lay out the types of powers that people could have and so it sounds more convenient than anything else.

Also I wasn’t sure about both Joshua and Danny being so gung-ho in the fight. Danny understandably gets excited but Joshua I typically show as being nervous and careful, so perhaps he was just caught up or anxious about Annabelle being in trouble and wanted to save her quickly.

This also raised a lot of questions about other members on the base, as well as the base operation - what happens in emergencies like this, etc. And so really this prototype method is working well because it’s making me aware of plot holes and loops that need fixing up. In the future I’m seeing this prototype method working just on the writing side to quickly try out chapters and see how they feel, without too much serious connecting all the dots. Given the writing side is quite quick I should be able to write ahead and quickly notice issues and stuff. I’ve almost got a new workflow in my head for that.

Also as a sheer fluke I managed to end the volume on a largish cliff-hanger. I guess sometimes I get lucky. It would be nice to be able to plan an entire volume to have it sort of fit an arc or semi-arc in it so it doesn’t feel like the volume cuts at a weird place, but I imagine most long running manga just crop at whatever number of chapters without really worrying about that.

enjoy.
Art: Manga / Fanart / Requests (closed) / Other Art | Manga Stories & Projects
Other Stuff: Tutorials / Craft | Feedback & Critique Welcome!

Offline Suuper-san

  • Level 0 Writer
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6007
  • Gender: Male
  • Anyone need a wall of text?
    • View Profile
Re: Eclipse [Prototype]
« Reply #19 on: July 20, 2021, 05:40:30 AM »
Volume 1 Bonus Chapter

Volume 1 Bonus Chapter










Bonus - Chapter Title Pages 10-12

Spoiler





Art: Manga / Fanart / Requests (closed) / Other Art | Manga Stories & Projects
Other Stuff: Tutorials / Craft | Feedback & Critique Welcome!

Offline Suuper-san

  • Level 0 Writer
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6007
  • Gender: Male
  • Anyone need a wall of text?
    • View Profile
Re: Eclipse [Prototype]
« Reply #20 on: July 21, 2021, 01:11:21 PM »
Bonus Sketches

Spoiler

































These sketches are for padding the chapters to make sure the pages end up on the right even/odd combination.
Art: Manga / Fanart / Requests (closed) / Other Art | Manga Stories & Projects
Other Stuff: Tutorials / Craft | Feedback & Critique Welcome!