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Author Topic: New Plot idea need comments  (Read 497 times)

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Offline Megane

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New Plot idea need comments
« on: March 04, 2021, 11:59:48 AM »
First page ami is found in a hospital here i thought of something like (a doctor form or patient form showing patient name and their stage of cancer and life expectancy and the date of the time, date of administration is mentioned and treatment available ) so here its stage 4 cancer, life expectancy is 1 year she was administered a year ago. cure available like a checklist here you mention chemotherapy, surgery. here you let the artist show how cancer looks like and where its located. here she is chubby with normal hair
2nd page a nearby patient had died so they moved her with a towel on her head you have to show the towel on the head that means they are dead. so ami got scared and started breathing heavily. she had a panic attack and ami has a really scared look on her face.
3rd page she given a drug with radical sign on it. but she slapped the hand of the nurse who gave it to her and shouted.she was given a tranqulizer and put on Drip with chemotherapy.
4th page she wakes up and she found the chemotherapy drug Drip attached to her but her mother was there she prevented her from removing it. now ami was given a good luck charm by her mother.
5th page now ami is skinny and losing hair drastically she is wearing a headband like the one cancer patients do or you can add that to the 6th page.
6th page ami now has no hair and a hair band on her head and skinny.
7th page Ami was sent to the ER for surgery but first the doctor had shown her mother the papers for surgery as they debated chemotherapy is not enough.
8th page ami is in ER now and the doctor comes out with a happy face ami mother collapsed and had a really happy face while crying she was clinging to the doctor while crying so the doctor hugged her and slowly clapped her back

if you saw this as a silent manga what is your feedback what does it feel lacking? what does it need?

i tried being realistic did that backfire on me please tell me any comments as i really need opinions right now ??

Offline KeanFox

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Re: New Plot idea need comments
« Reply #1 on: March 05, 2021, 08:25:23 PM »
It communicates your idea clearly. I personally see nothing wrong or lacking. Being a silent manga, most of the heavy lifting will be in the drawing stage.

 

Offline NO1SY

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Re: New Plot idea need comments
« Reply #2 on: March 06, 2021, 06:50:02 PM »
Hi Genie

Quite an intense topic to tackle in a story or comic... but I also think it's important that creators do not shy away from tackling topics like these. The hardest part, however, is that there can be a very wide variety of experiences that people and loved ones dealing with illnesses like cancer can face - this means that telling a single story runs the risk of alienating or upsetting a lot of people, for instance if you tell a story of a success case then it may (or may not) be very upsetting for a family member who lost a loved one to illness to read.

In regards to your story, I personally enjoy "silent" cartoons and comics and think that the presentation could work well for a story like this. Something that you really have to focus on with this style though, is to make sure you are very effectively communicating the thoughts of the characters through their displays of emotion and actions. Considering how much terminal cancer can affect a person and their loved ones mentally, it may be a disservice to not fully explore the full scope of the internal battle that the characters would surely be going through.

I do think that you should probably make this longer overall. You are depicting a trauma that induces anxiety in Ami on Page 2 and this is not really explored very deeply or resolved properly. Moreover, chemotherapy is a long and gruelling treatment and I don't see that really come through in what you have provided here. I feel that really displaying the progression through the treatment and side-effects over several pages is important to give a sense of time progressing and her battling. To weave in some positivity in an otherwise very difficult to read process, maybe consider focusing on some things that give Ami the strength to push through the nausea and tiredness and physical changes etc., such as a delivery of pictures drawn for her by her classmates, or making a friend in her ward, or having a phonecall with a relative etc.

Another point I would contest is Page 3. I don't think that any hospital (in any nation that respects freedom of the individual) would ever approve the involuntary sedation of a patient in this circumstance, nor the initiation of treatment that they do not agree to. Ami seems like she is a child and therefore the parents would ultimately make the decision about treatment here, but I think that a much more poinient scene would be to have the parent or some other character (such as another child undergoing chemotherapy) talk to Ami and convince her/give her the bravery to accept the treatment. You can still keep the good luck charm scene that you outline on Page 4, but maybe it can be in the context of Ami reaching a point where she feels she cannot face another round of chemo drugs.

Page 7 sets a difficult precedent, which basically says that Ami's fighting with the chemotherapy and everyone elses' input was not enough. If this is not the tone that you wish to set then an alternative framing could be that the chemo was actually working, but the cancer was caught too late and was causing complications in a place that it has spread to (such as the brain or kidney or something). You can still portray this with Ami being rushed to surgery, but an unexpected emergency incident that is tangentially related to the cancer provides that intensity without invalidating the fight all of the characters have had with the cancer itself.

Some advice for presenting ideas, especially if you intend to look for artists to work with or publishers: Make sure that your writing is properly punctuated and grammatically correct, even when it is just a concept proposal or plan like this. You can think of it similarly to handing someone your CV/Resume for a job; if they struggle to read or understand it then they will not accept it. So even for plans and story-boarding scripts, make sure to proof read and punctuate properly.

Your realism aspect works fine here I think, although most works of fiction I have read about this kind of subject material do tend to work in metaphor or abstraction usually - as a way to explore the mind-states and emotions of the characters from a different, hypothetical or representative angle that the readers may be able to relate to or empathize with easier. For instance a child may start to see a doctor that is administering them very unpleasant treatments as a monster, or start to imagine the fluid in the IV as lava because that's how it makes their stomach feel. I think you have the option to go either way with a very visual medium like graphic novels though.

Good luck

(Also, I noticed you have another thread in "Develop Your Story" for this same story... try to not double up in the future.)
« Last Edit: March 06, 2021, 08:55:42 PM by NO1SY »