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Author Topic: Human Upgrade  (Read 1594 times)

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Offline Frozenaaple

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Human Upgrade
« on: January 02, 2021, 02:28:44 PM »
I found this plot I wrote from when I was like twelve and it seems really cool but I don't know what to do with it.

It's basically a world where supernaturals live and humans are the lowest of low. We're basically trash there. But the female lead(Charlie) wants to prove that humans aren't weak and fights and does pranks to the 'bullies' who look down on them.

One supernatural guy(don't know his name) happens to be her number one enemy since they're always clashing (and she miraculously survives each one). However, he begrudgingly seeks her help when he is framed for killing the president.

Seeing a chance to prove her worth and catch the real assassin she accepts. The two go out of their country to a no man's land which is the home of hitmen and criminals to find out more about the person hired to kill the president.

---------------------------------------

Synopsis: In an alternate Universe of the earth where supernaturals roam its quite obvious who's at the bottom of the food chain. Yes, you guessed right. Humans.

"I watched your father take his first steps. Do you know what that means homo?" He sneered.

"Other than the fact you're a perverted grandpa?" She shot back.

A hiss from the sidelines. "Burn."

Of course with being the weakest creatures on the planet there's bound to be at least one rebel out of the lot.

"Are you talking about the Simpson's girl? The one who busted Uncle Ross?"

"I heard she pissed on Jonny's screen."

"The PED got a hold of her, then let her out the day after. Her ass was too much to handle."

And with being the rebel comes with earning a name, and gaining some enemies...

"This is the last time homo. You better watch your back from here on out."

"Oooh I'm shaking in my bones." she smirked.

"You better be." he glared, a vein appearing at his neck. "The next time, no one's gonna save you."

But when a chance comes to prove your worth with an opportunity presented by none other than the sworn enemy himself, things are bound to get interesting...

"Suspect is on the move, heading towards the homo zone."

:::::

"I need your help." He said quietly, eyes focused on hers.

:::::

"-president was shot dead last evening on his way to the State house. The fugitive suspect made his way to the Homo Sapien District and stole a patrol vehicle. Resources say he has taken a human as hostage and is currently in the free zone..."

::::

"This isn't a game Charlie. The people out there aren't like me. If they catch you, they will kill you."

::::

"Its just like the old man used to say. As long as you don't get caught, the game isn't lost."

::::

Yep, things are definitely bound to get interesting.

__________________________________

I thought it was cool at first but now I'm stuck. I've got so many questions about their world and people as well as the villains and backgrounds but don't have a single clue on the answers.

If it isn't too much I'll like your thoughts and ideas about this. Thanks for reading.
« Last Edit: September 20, 2021, 02:43:23 PM by Frozenaaple »

Offline Operative13

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Re: Help! Found a plot idea from years ago. Don't know what to do with it.
« Reply #1 on: January 02, 2021, 04:39:50 PM »
Since you've most certainly matured since then, you can think to mature your story along with it. Build your world outside of just your typical "high school drama" and perhaps look at it from a broader lens. Perhaps since this is a reverse situation where humans are the slaves in this supernatural world, it can be a freedom-fighter story. The girl leads a peace movement to give her people equal rights, or perhaps is a wanted terrorist. Only the protagonist is blamed for the president's death (perhaps because she's openly against the president?) and not the real villains behind the scene (Whoever they may be). You can really start to develop big plot twists out of this mystery.


Hope that gives you a start to look forward to!  8)
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Offline Frozenaaple

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Re: Help! Found a plot idea from years ago. Don't know what to do with it.
« Reply #2 on: January 02, 2021, 05:30:10 PM »
I guess I could work with that. I'll try writing the first chapter and see how it goes. Thanks for the advice.

Offline NO1SY

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Re: Help! Found a plot idea from years ago. Don't know what to do with it.
« Reply #3 on: January 29, 2021, 06:57:02 AM »
Quite intense for a 12 year old to write!

I think that there is definitely potential here, but I agree with Operative that the idea could mature with you.


You essentially have a whole overarching plot outline:

A Human girl fights against oppression by supernaturals - A Supernatural is framed for a killing - He enlists the girl's help to clear his name - they investigate - they clear his name.


There are specific questions I would ask here and have an answer for right off the bat:

Who are the real antagonists and what are their goals? - Are they Supernaturals or Humans? If the former, maybe the victim was trying to turn humans into Supernaturals, which would upset the current power structure; or if you stick with the President angle, then maybe they were going to pass laws that protect Humans. If the latter, perhaps this was a poorly thought out hit with terrible consequences for everyone - like all out war escalation - otherwise I cannot see a reason why the Human girl would not be ok with the killing of a Supernatural...

Why is the girl the specific person the Supernatural guy enlists, i.e. why would she be able to help clear his name? - I tend to try to simplify things when I have to answer these kinds of questions (because then you tend to get closer to Okham's Razor in your eventual narrative reasoning). Does she have contacts that he doesn't, for instant Supernaturals who are sympathetic to her cause? Was it a rogue element of a Human movement? Is she just the best detective in the world now, or simply just so strong that he needs her muscle?

Why would the girl help? - Perhaps he can offer her something she wants for her movement? Perhaps he is offering up the heads of Supernaturals worse than him? Perhaps he is genuinely turning to her cause? Perhaps he is dying anyway so doesn't care if she kills him after? - again, I don't recommend trying to go too complex here, at least in early itterations of the writing.


Anyways, I agree that the best thing you can probably do is just sit down and start writing some material. Get a first draft (preferably of as much of the story as possible) done, and then see if it works and can be improved upon in re-writes.

Best of luck!

Offline Frozenaaple

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Thanks for the tip! I really like how you broke things down it makes it so much easier. It also helped me realise some errors. I'll certainly keep your words in mind.

Offline Frozenaaple

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Re: Human Upgrade
« Reply #5 on: September 20, 2021, 02:54:16 PM »
Alright so I revisited the plot, broke things down and reconstructed it. At the end I was able to come up with a new plot.

Chapter one

  "It's been sixty two years since the world evolved. After global warming set in, the earth went into a chaotic state. The apocalypse of man. Floods, heat waves, toxic fumes and radiation pushed mankind and all creatures to the brink of extinction. That was until Dr. V.E Ranstav noticed that some animals were still striving. Our closest relation, the ape.
   The apes were not only surviving the change, they were changing along with it. An increase in intellect made them form groups to ambush and rob humans off their belongings. They learnt how to cook, how to build.
     Ranstav, with the help of the UN caught a number of them and through experimentation noticed a mutation in their genes. If this went on it won't be long until the apes became like the humans, effectively replacing us. The information only caused panic and mayhem, but the scientist found our solution in it.
     By extracting the dominant mutative gene and fusing it with a human's, we would also evolve into a higher species capable of surviving. The gene couldn't be replicated, so the government made a sacrifice. Each ape's chance of survival would be given to a human. Thus, our genetic siblings were wiped out, allowing the humans lucky enough to have the implant to live."

 "It doesn't end there there though, does it?"

 "No, Hailey. It doesn't." The teacher replies as the holographic image switches to a different scene.

"The cure worked, however, its effect was unexpected. Out of the Evo gene came four different mutative ones. The S gene, V gene, E gene and H gene. Each of them affected the body differently. Can someone tell me about them? Yes, Felix?"

Without warning the hand supporting the boy's sleeping head slips out, making him bang his face on the table with a resounding noise.

"Wha-I'm up!"

Snickers resonate through the classroom and Miss Fanny shakes her head. "Can someone who's mind is still present in the class answer the question? Grace."

    We all inwardly groan as the teacher's favourite clears her throat.

   "The S gene or shifter gene is dominant in Weres, this allows them to manipulate their bone structure and transform into another animal. However they can only turn into one type, and nothing else. They can be recognised with gold eyes.
     The V gene is possessed by the Vamps. They were named that because of their similar abilities with the mythical creatures vampires. They are swift, fast, strong, alluring and sensitive to direct sunlight. Their eyes are scarlet red.
       The E gene is found in Elves. Also named after the myth because of their pointy ears which enables them to hear better. They are beautiful, fast, agile and have enhanced eyesight. They also have a soothing effect on beasts. Their giveaway is obviously their ears and emerald green eyes."

"Show off" Eugene whispers to which she flips her hair, showing her pride.

     "Then the H gene." I feel the atmosphere shift as she glances at me. Found in Homos. Named after our parent specie Homo Sapien. Have no ability whatsoever. Noticeable trait, plain, brown eyes, weak body."
   
     
   Six years later

"Rise and shine maggots!" The jailer yells, banging on the cell doors. Like most of the people in this building, I'm not startled by it. I've been awake for two hours now.

The alarm chimes and the doors swing open. I pull myself up the bar one last time before dropping down. A strand of my hair removes from the messy bun I've put it in and falls on my face. I leave it there.

"Morning Derry, great day for a walk eh?" My neighbor Quinn quips as I step out. Her pixie cut hair is it's usual blend of green and black. It's styled to highlight the elf ears pierced with eight different kinds of rings in them, four on each side. Her emerald eyes glint devilishly and I know why

She's in the approved green uniform only she's designed hers with markers, again. The washers are gonna have a field day. On her wrist is a black bracelet, set to immobilise her if she uses any of her strengths. I don't have one on because I don't have any.

"Yes it is." I reply as we both join the que to the cafeteria for breakfast.

"Purrfect for a breakout, don't you think so too ladies?" A voice calls behind as two arms swing over our shoulder. Moss's face pops in between us, a grin on his face. I roll my eyes.

"Only you would think of something like that out loud, idiot." Quinn jests. Poking his ribs. Moss's face scrunches like he's in pain. "I'm hurt princess." His voice rasps, sweet and innocent.

One would hardly believe a werecat would find its way into the most secured prison in City K. You'd think he was a vamp at least. But he has a yellow uniform on. And vamps are only let out at night.

"Three o'clock, who's that?"

Quinn and I discreetly glance in the direct Moss whispered. Gold eyes glare at us with such intensity we're forced to look away. It's only for a moment but we've seen enough.

"Newbie, female, 5'7, our age or slightly older, were, probably a bird or lion, auburn hair." I deliver in one breath.

"Geez, our first meeting and she's got her pants twisted." Quinn mumbles. I stifle a laugh, feeling eyes on my back. The last thing anyone needs is a fight. The new ones are especially fiesty. Though it doesn't do them any good, especially if their female.

Bolton prison isn't divided into gender, that's because the girls are just as dangerous as the men—is what they say. Still, it's not a good idea to go solo. Even those sitting in the shadows are not alone. In this prison, there are your friends, allies and enemies. Her defiant will of surviving her term on her own shows this is her first time in Bolton, or any other prison for the matter. But she'll learn soon enough.

A grab a tray of the pre-served bowl of porridge and bread. There's milk on the table but I don't take it, so do the others. No one's taken it for a week. We move to our table and dig in. Moss takes off his sun glasses. His overgrown bangs do well to hide his eyes from others.

"You're eating like a starved blind pig." Quinn comments in distaste when a drop of the food lands in his uniform.

"Starved I am, blind I am, pig I'm not." He replies casually as he wipes his shirt with a handkerchief.

"Missed a spot." I say. He fumbles over the fabric until he catches my lie in my and Quinn's snicker.

"Shrewd"  He puts his spoon down and glances at the table across. It's a group of thieves but one is missing.

"Wonder what James's doing."

"Finished serving his term last week. Lucky bastard." Moss grumbles.

"Knowing him he's probably looking for a way to get back in here. You know how it is out there for homos, no offence Charlie." Quinn gives me a its-a-fact look.

"None taken." I shrug but glance down at my brown uniform anyway. I never liked the way homos were treated. From birth we were told we were inferior, we were looked down upon by the other classes. That belief is what landed me here a year ago, though you'd could say it was partly my fault.

"Stealing from the guards and blasting paint in their headquarters with the excuse of it being a prank isn't what I'd call partly Charlie. Plus we both know you've done way worse than that."

"Still isn't enough to put me behind bars for nine freaking years. A vamp blew it up and he's walking free."

"They ruled it as an accident."

"Was it?" Everyone knows it wasn't. There's silence for a while and Moss changes the subject.

"So, what are you gonna do when you get out?"

"Get my stuff and say bye bye to good ol' City K." Quinn says. From the look in her eyes I know she means it. This place is full of prejudice. Even with being from the most admired class she isn't really welcomed. 'They're just not ready for my style.'

"I'll probably go stay with my dad for a while." The two look at me as if I've grown another head. "Only for a while." I emphasize, then switch to Moss, asking of his plans.

"Me? I think I'm gonna start searching." He says and now it's time for Quinn and I to stare at him. It's not a bad decision. Just unexpected.

"Oh"

Weres along with their shifting abilities also have the fortunate luck to be able to detect their mate on sight. A cruel joke forms in my head about him being blind but I wave it away. It's just my jealousy. Him finding the one means settling down which means losing one of my best friends.

Quinn said she'd be leaving this city, probably to the capital where they're more open minded. She'll be happy there, if that is, she doesn't cause trouble. I'll also be leaving to my dad. Dread feels me. I haven't seen him in ten years. Something tells me it's gonna be one hell a reunion.

We go back to our silence, pondering over what the future will bring. Well, it's not like the future would be coming any second from now. An alarm chimes and the announcement sounds.

"Prisoner 419 you have a visitor."

I look up, as do Quinn and Moss. Through all my years in jail I have never had a visitor. That's because I had no one outside who cared enough to be one. But a name runs in my head, and I know it runs in my friends too.

My dad is here.

Plot: Girl is a trouble maker fighting against racism and oppression. Guy is the one who caught her and put her in jail. Guy gets framed for killing the president, seeks for her help after she's out of prison. Why? Because as much as he hates it she's the only one who can sneak him out of the city. She's done it before. Girl also agrees because she believes he knows something, otherwise why would anyone put the blame on a nobody officer like him?

I'm still trying to put the elements together to make a good adventure but I would like your comments on what I've done so far.