September 25, 2022, 06:49:08 AM

Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.



------------------------------------------

If you have Login Problems Use the Login in Top Menu Bar


------------------------------------------
If you have a problem registering here, Leave a msg at our FB Page >> Here.

Plz Don't use Hotmail to Register. You might not receive Activation mail. Use Other free mail provider like Gmail or Yahoo.






Messages - TheEndisNotThere

Pages: 1 [2] 3
16
Manga Creations / Re: The Devil of Murkwood
« on: March 09, 2022, 03:15:06 PM »
Chapter 2 - A Statue of a Man

The figure reaches its hands out to the cage.  As its hands enters the light, sizzling sounds and smoke begin to rise from the figure's hands.  The priest shouts, "this creature burns like the demoness!  It must be a hellish minion summoned by her to aid in her escape!"  The figure grasps the cage with both hands and begins to pull.  "Stop the fiend and her minion!"   The priest shouts.  The crowd yells and surges towards the figure like a wave.

"CRACK! SNAP!"  The cage begins to buckle and crack under the figure's strength as the crowd's seemingly infinite number of hands grasp at its cloak and arms.  The cloak rips and tears under the assault of the crowd's hands.  As the cloak tears, a dark mist/fog seems to cling to the figure's form continuing to obscure it.  However, while the cloak rips and tears, the figure remains unfazed by the crowd's attempt to remove it.  Until finally, there is one last snap and the unnatural light goes out bathing the church in darkness.

Some of the women scream at the sudden darkness, but after a few seconds of confusion, a man lights a torch and looks to where the priest was standing.  He is now slumped on the ground against the wall.  Several pieces of wood have pierced his body, including multiple places in his chest, two in his throat, and one through his eye.  A few more torches are lit as the crowd turns back to the cloaked figure.  The cloak has been torn to shreds and the dark mist/fog has faded revealing the figure.  Standing in front of the cage is a well built nude man, tall, wide shouldered, and muscular.  However, his skin seems to be made out of marble or porcelain, his face is smooth, lacking any features, and also seems to have no genitals.  He stands before the crowd with the unconscious in his hand which seems to be darkened as if burned.  He holds her by the rags she is wearing, letting her arms and legs dangle.

Despite having no mouth, his voice is clear.  "The darkness here is old, and the smell of death and hatred permeates even the wood and stone of the buildings in this town.  It will be but a single step of my journey."

"Kill the devil!" Shouts a man with a torch as he charges the faceless man while drawing a knife with his free hand.  "You dare defile th--"  The faceless man kicks him hard enough to send him through the wall of the church and into one of the houses of the town.  The torch begins to catch some of the wood and thatch of the house on fire.  The rest of the crowd begins to pull out different items, some have farming tools while others have axes and knives.  They all begin to rush the faceless man, but are quickly dispatched with only a single blow, which often sends the people struck flying in the direction they were hit.  Some of the crowd manage to get through, but the faceless man's skin is too hard for them to pierce with anything they have, but they continue to attack in a fit of rage or madness.

After all of the crowd has been dealt with, the man carries the girl off into the woods surrounding the town.  Leaving corpses, mangled bodies with crushed skulls, broken limbs, and caved in chests to litter the town, as a fire rages, consuming everything it can, but leaving no traces of darkness.

17
Manga Creations / Re: The Iron Bear
« on: December 21, 2021, 07:27:34 PM »
You are correct, and I have noticed it myself.  I don't tend to add a lot of depth into the language, in the first few passes.  I tend to focus more on what can be seen first, then move into more of the character's thoughts and feelings.

I could add something like, "The metal limb is too slow to grab the small and quick creatures, but makes an effective shield from their small weapons.  The man manages to grasp a goblin by the head with his normal hand and crushes the goblin's head with ease.  The worgs quickly realize the metal limbs cannot be harmed by their teeth, and begin to aim for his more fleshy torso and arm.  However, as they try to rip the flesh away, the metalic arm grabs both a worg and its goblin rider, and quickly crushes the creatures.  He then tosses the newly fused creature away."

Also, I can tend to get a little wordy, when I can do more by just showing the elements I am describing, rather than doing both.  As manga is more of a visual medium, I tend to forget how much I can show, without needing to tell every detail.

I am glad this story does grab you, as it is one my personal favorites, a long with the Devil of Murkwood.

18
Manga Creations / Re: The Devil of Murkwood
« on: December 10, 2021, 12:32:10 PM »
Through this story, I do plan to include some elements of reality, but viewed through the scope of a society given power through magic.  I plan to look into both the holy and profane elements and look at how the "civilized" and "monstrous" races gain power by faith.  This story will definitely focus on a lot of negative and positive aspects that tend to be entwined with the ideas of religion, fanaticism, and manipulation.

I do intend to show how hunts are performed by different churches, as well as their trials/lack there of.

19
Manga Creations / Those Who Were Forgotten
« on: December 06, 2021, 11:14:12 AM »
This story is not part of the world my other stories use, but this is an other story with a different setting, more Sci-Fi in nature.  Please let me know any thoughts about it.  Thank you.



A low thrum hums through a metal room.  After a few seconds the white fluorescent lights in the room slowly begin to activate revealing the red metallic egg shaped pods that line the walls.  Eight pods line the room's east and west gray walls while seven line the north and south to make room for the two black doors.  The room lacks any windows or other sources of illumination.

The lights flicker and go out.  “PRIMARY POWER DEPLETED.”  Booms a monotone male voice into the room.  “SEARCHING FOR BACKUP POWER SOURCE.  ALTERNATE SOURCE FOUND.  ATTEMPTING CONNECTION.  CONNECTION SUCCESSFUL. READING ENERGY TIME FRAME.  2 HOURS REMAINING POWER.  SEARCHING FOR ALTERNATE BACKUP POWER SOURCE.  NO POWER SOURCE FOUND.  EMERGENCY EVACUATION STARTING.”  The room's lights come back on while dim green lights on four of the pods turn on and they begin beeping.

After an hour the beeping stops and a hologram begins to play in the center of the room.  The pods slowly begin to open, while a man's figure appears in the center of the room and begins speaking in a charismatic tone.  “WELCOME, BRAVE VOLUTEERS, TO THE FUTURE.  WE AT THE BOOMING–” static breaks the message up and the hologram jumps for a moment. “–INDUSTRIES UNDERSTAND THAT YOU HAVE HAD SOME TROUBLES IN THE PAST, BUT IT HAS BEEN–” static and a quick jump.  “–YEARS FROM WHEN YOU STARTED.  DURING THIS TIME WE HAVE DISCOVERED A WAY TO HELP YOU WITH YOUR–” static and a complete loss of visual. “–PROBLEM. PLEASE STEP OUT, CLAIM YOUR BELONGINGS IN YOUR PERSONALLY ASSIGNED CHESTS, AND WAIT FOR FURTH–” the message stops abruptly.

Four naked people leave the pods.  The first is a young man with dark brown hair.  He is slim to the point of being able to see his skeletal structure in some places, but appears healthy other than the constant coughing.  While the pod had frozen him standing up, he cannot find the strength to stand as he immediately topples out of the pod onto the floor.  He stays on the floor for a minute before struggling to his feet. The name “Coz” is etched into a metal plate at the top of his pod.

The second person to step out is a well built man who appears to be around 40 to 45 years old.  His shaved head and different parts of his body gleam with a metallic sheen, but appear to have a remarkably human shape.  Unlike the other man he steps out of the pod completely naturally.  He begins to inspect his mechanical parts as if checking for damage or ware.  The silver colored arms and legs resemble normal human shapes, but there are some differences.  While checking his hands the fingers are able to make a fist on the inside and outside of his palm.  “Frode” is the inscription at the top of his pod.

The third person to step out is a young woman in her mid 20's.  She has tattoos over a large amount of her body.  There are depictions of various religious symbols, animals, and tribal markings.  Her long brown hair covers more on her back, but small amounts of black, gold, and red can be seen poking out.  She slowly looks around inspecting her surroundings before fully exiting the containment device.  “Enid” is marked on the metal plate.

The final woman only briefly pokes her head out of the pod to inspect the other people before exiting.  She does cough a little, but manages to step out of the pod without difficulty.  As she steps out the light makes her skin appear to be a lighter shade of green then it normally is.  Her snow white shoulder length hair sometimes brushes against the large white feathered wings protruding from her back.  “EMA” is her designation.  As she steps out of her pod, her stomach growls.  She looks down and places one of her hands on her stomach and has a quizzical look on her face.

“You haven't eaten in a while, have you?” asks Enid as she seems to be opening a chest located near the pod she left.  There is an audible jingle that sounds just before the chest opens slightly.  She fully opens the chest and grabs a brown bar in a clear plastic wrap and throws it at Ema.  The green woman barely manages to catch it, almost dropping it on the floor, and shoots Enid a questioning glance.  She looks back into her trunk gabbing a bag and begins placing more bars into it.  “Relax.  It may look like, and honestly taste like, *censored*, but they are made to contain a full day's worth of nutrition.  They're made for long pilgrimages, and you wont go hungry if you eat it.”

Ema opens the bar and smells it.  She looks back at Enid who is now ignoring her.  She takes a bite and immediately scrunches her face.  She slowly chews the bite before swallowing it.  She then chokes the rest of the bar down painfully but quickly.

“Who or what the *censored* is that?!”  Coz manages to choke out between his coughing.  He is struggling to scramble away from Ema.

“Calm down kid! Ain't you ever seen a spliced before?”  Frode asks approaching Coz.  He picks the struggling youngster up and places him on his feet.  “Relax and just stand.”

“I can't feel my legs.” he says as the older man slaps his back.  He coughs one last time then seems to recover.  He struggles a little, but he stands on his own.  “What's going on?  Where are we?  Who are you? Wha–”

“Easy kid I can only answer one question at a time.”

“Quiet down gear-head!” shouts Enid as she fills her bag with more of those brown nutrition bars.  “Transport pods always leave me with a headache, and they keep everything in your body from moving too much.  I was grabbed after a long night, so light and yelling aren't doing me any favors.” she says while placing the full bag on the floor next to her.  She pulls out a long black robe and quickly covers herself.  She pulls out a bottle, which she takes a drink of its contents, and stuffs it into the bag, she opens a box of cards, quickly counts them and puts them away, and a small metal ring which she puts on.

Ema quickly locates her own trunk and starts try to open it.  The dark blue trunk is about the length of an arm and built into the floor.  There is a green flap on the trunk's lid with a small black square.  She tries to open the trunk, but she is unable to get the top to move.

“You ain't going to be able to just force it open,” says Frode.  “It's genetic pulse lock.  Put one of your fingers on the black square to open it.”  The jingle plays again and the woman's trunk opens.  There are only her clothes, a black slightly altered tank top that allows the wings sprouting from her shoulder blades to flow over the fabric, jeans, and sneakers, a small knife, and an envelope with the word “MOTHER” written on it.  After she quickly gets dressed, she makes sure no one is looking as she stuffs the envelope into her pocket.  Frode begins to examine the room.  One of his eyes glows with a green light. “What's with the gear-head comment?” He asks Enid.

“What about it?”

“I thought everyone moved past the robotic replacement hate.”

“I have never moved past the idea of sacrificing parts of your humanity so you can be more machine.” She says as she pulls out her bottle for an other drink.

“Hey sometimes we don't get to choose wha–”

“You always have a choice.  If it I had to choose between life or circuitry, I'd die first.” She angrily shoves the bottle back in the bag and turns for face Frode.

He angrily walks straight up to her, leaving only inches between them and says. “Well some of us still have things we need to do and take care of.  We can't all be selfish children crying about things that aren't ours.”

“Is that what your 'logic' program is telling you?” she asks calming herself a little before asking her next question.  “Doesn't even that part bother you, the part where you don't even fully think for yourself?”

Frode angrily turns away from her and walks away continuing with his previous task.  “You'll never understand.”  He says under his breath as he examines the other pods and floor.

Coz opens his own chest and looks inside at the contents.  He shuffles through a couple of his belongings before sighing with relief.  He pulls out the picture and quickly inspects it.  The picture is of him and a woman about his same age.  He stares at the picture with a pained expression for a few moments before he is snapped back into reality.  “If you have any weapons in your  trunk, you better get them out and get ready.” Frode says as he jogs over to his own chest.  “I am seeing signs that this room has a lot of people who have come in, but there are also a lot of drag marks.”

Coz gets dressed.  He puts on a pair of boxer shorts, an old t-shirt with a design on it, a pair of khaki pants, and black walking shoes.  The jingle plays on Frode's box and he throws open the lid.  He pulls a large number of metal parts and begins to assemble something as he continues.  “My guess is that someone knows where and what this location is.  They probably have people come here when the pod timer is supposed to be up.  These chests are designed so that only the living person it is assigned to can open it.  Basically, you wake up with a weapon pointed at you, get robbed, then get shot.  Ain't no excuse for that.”  He finishes assembling a rifle looking weapon and gets dressed leaving the rifle on the floor.  He puts on an undershirt, a pair of briefs, an odd shirt and pair of pants combination that seems to shimmer slightly, and a pair of boots.  He puts on a vest with many pockets and rapidly starts filling them with the other contents of his chest.

The south door is suddenly kicked open and three masked people with purple and silver jump suits rush into the room.  They aimed their weapons at at Ema and the two men.  “We have four pods open, but only three sleepers up.” says one of the men in the masks.

“Where did the one in this pod go?” asks one of the men gesturing to Ema.  “Did she already leave?”  The woman just shakes her head no and looks toward the door on the north wall.  “Looks like we might have one in the chrono room.  '21' go and check the room.  It was supposed to be locked, but we don't know what they had packed.”

“Why do I need to be the one to check it out.  You guys are the veterans here.”  the other man in the suit said.  His voice is noticeably younger then the others.

“I believe you were the one asking to stop on the way here.  Something about needing to make a 'pit stop' so you wouldn't 'explode' before we got here.  We were supposed to be here before they woke up to set up and make sure what they had packed wasn't an issue.”

“I can't help that skitter steak goes through me.  You were the one who made it last night.”

“Then you don't EAT IT!  Now get over there and check the door or you will be having this conversation with SPIDER-PRIME! NOW MOVE!”

“You're TOO LOUD!” yelled Enid as she steps out from between two pods.  She points her ringed hand at the man aiming at Ema, and a bolt of lightning leaps from her hand and strikes the man's torso.  The man shrieks in pain and crumples into a heap on the floor.

“'12' DOWN! OPEN FIRE!”  The masked man aiming at Frode swings his weapon towards Enid.  Frode drops to the floor grabbing his own rifle, targets the masked man who yelled and fires at the same time he does.  Both the masked man and Enid falls to the floor.  The last masked intruder points his weapon at Frode.  An explosion rings in the room.  Smoke begins rising from an old revolver in Coz's hands.  With a muffled thud the last jump suit hits the floor.  Coz stands only for a second before the revolver tumbles out of his hand and clangs on the floor.  He falls to his knees and immediately begins to vomit what he had eaten his previous night.

Frode jumps to his feet and rushes over to Enid on the floor.  He pulls the small dart shot into her arm and begins to check her over.  “*censored*, no pulse.”  He opens her eyes to the light, but closes them again.  “She's dead.  I've been awake for about ten minutes and there have already been four deaths.”  Ema walks over and puts her hand on the man's shoulder.  He looks at her and sees her giving him a sympathetic gaze, but shifts her gaze to the woman.  “They ain't even playing fair.”  he says as he hangs his head.  “They came armed with synapse darts.  Those are more than illegal.  With normal weapons, there is a chance of survival.  A synapse dart overloads the brain with a focused electrical current.  There is no surviving if you have a nervous system.”  He stands up and walks over to the masked man named '12.'  His smoking remains are very obviously dead, and unfortunately nothing survived.  He then checks the man he shot.  It was a clean shot.  This man was also dead.

Coz slowly recovers.  He does not look at the body of the man he shot.  He instead focuses on retrieving his remaining possessions from his chest.

A confirming tone rings through the room as the door on the north wall opens.  Frode retrieved an identification card from one of the dead intruders.  “Time to see how long we have been in this place.  Lets go everyone.”  The other two remaining pod inhabitants move into the room.  Frode turns on a computer and begins typing in information.  “Lets see, we were in these three pods here.”  The computer processes the information entered.  It displays each of their names and how long they have been inside the pods.  The three look at the screen in disbelief at how long they have been sleeping for...

20
Manga Creations / A Knight of Earth and Stone
« on: December 06, 2021, 11:09:54 AM »
Alan could still remember the last time he saw his father.  He was four when his father walked out of the house leaving Alan with his mother.  "When you can protect yourself and what you hold dear, come and find me."  These were the words Alan lived by.  By the time he was was six, he was a squire for Sir Ferris.  Sir Ferris was known across the land as the "Grinning Knight," but until becoming a squire, Alan only called him uncle.

During the day, Alan would tend to horses, practice swordsmanship, and learn how to survive in harsh conditions with Sir Ferris.  Days were long and trying, but they allowed him to become more resilient.  During the evening and night Alan's mother would come to teach him during the week and talk with him on the weekends.  The weekends were the days he looked forward to the most.  These were the days letters from his father would arrive.  His mother would read them to him, letting him know that even if his father was away, he still thought of them, and sent them money he earned.  After all, his father was an adventurer.

When Alan was training with Sir Ferris at the age of seven, Alan learned of his magical aptitude.  Shaping the Earth and stones around him to provide him with weapons or a shield as he needed.  Sir Ferris told him, "Magic is a great tool that can help you in many ways, but there are places in this world where it doesn't function properly or even at all.  Do not rely on it unless it is a last resort.  You always have the strength of your body, but magic should not be relied on wholly."  With that Sir Ferris forbade Alan from using magic until he had proven himself worthy of the title of Knight.

After reaching the age of ten Alan was introduced to Nephele, the eldest daughter of the Baron of the Clouds, Baron Aither.  The baron had been under the protection of Sir Ferris when he was younger and trusted the safety of his family only to his or his Knights' protection.  Nephele was eight at the time, but seemed to loath Alan.  She would never look at or even acknowledge Alan, despite being very open and kind toward Sir Ferris.

Sir Ferris and Baron Aither decided to have the children get to know each other better.  They decided to have a few days of the week be dedicated to having them spend time together.  Alan, hated these days.  The time when he and Nephele were alone, were spent in silence or with her running away from him.  Although Sir Ferris' land were clear of monsters, different animals still roamed the lands, making the area dangerous to a noble's daughter who didn't have any survival experience.

After two months of these encounters, Nephele ended up getting lost in the woods outside of Sir Ferris' estate.  By the time Alan had found her, it was already dusk, with night quickly approaching.  Nephele was frightened, and refused to move until she knew someone who could keep her safe arrived.  However, night fell leaving the woods cloaked in total darkness.  Alan grabbed Nephele's hand and started dragging her back towards Sir Ferris' home after hearing movement deeper in the forest.  While heading back Alan spots a wolf not too far off in the woods and stops holding his breath hoping it will move on without noticing them.  Nephele see it and screams, catching the wolf's attention and drawing it to them.  Armed only with his practice sword and knowing he cannot outrun the animal, Alan prepares to fight the animal.


With this story, I am planning on focusing more on the arcane, studied/inherited, magic, and how they are obtained and used.  I also am planning on using this story to describe the world's origins and what magical powers came to exist in this world.  Again, any comments/thoughts are appreciated.

Thank you.

21
Manga Creations / The Iron Bear
« on: December 01, 2021, 11:09:35 AM »
A covered wagon races down a dirt road in a forest, being chased by multiple worgs (highly intelligent and overly muscular wolves) ridden by goblins.  The goblins fire arrows at the cart, some of the arrows just bounce off harmlessly while others pierce the the fabric.  A goblin with a staff and wearing an animal skull near the back of the pack shouts at the others.  Two of the worgs begin to advance on the wagon.

Inside the wagon, four people wearing cloaks obscuring their features sit across each other.  The driver holding the reins to the horses pulling the wagon sits apart from them.  Two of them clutching a limb with an arrow sticking out of it, one clutching their leg and the other their arm.  "Aren't horses supposed to be faster than those monsters?" asks one of the hooded passengers. 

"They are, but when they started running, it's like they are dragging something heavy."  the driver calls back to them.  "Are one of you are wearing a cloak of the traveler?  It obscures appearances so I cannot tell who is carrying too much, but if we don't lose some weight, none of us will make it to the town of Senvolus."

One of the unharmed passengers sighs as they stand up.  "It's me, all of you head to Senvolus, I'll make my own way there."  Without waiting for a response, the passenger leaps out of the back of the wagon.  The hooded figure lands on the heads of the two advancing worgs.  When landing, both of the worgs heads are crushed, flinging the goblin riders off the creatures.  As the wagon speeds away, the single hooded figure is surrounded by the remaining goblins and worgs.

The worgs snap and snarl at the figure as the goblins pull them back and draw blades and spears.  The goblin with the skull helmet and staff points at the figure and yells something, causing the worgs and goblins to pounce on the figure.  With only their hands, the figure manages to fend off the creatures, until a worg manages to rip the cloak off the figure.  Revealing the figure is a giant of a man, standing almost 8 feet tall with a head full of matted hair and a full beard.  However, his left arm and legs are metallic and oversized compared to the rest of his body.

The goblins and worgs continue to attack the man who manages to kill a some of them, but most of the wounds they inflict close unnaturally.  However, some wounds still seem linger.  Finally, the goblin with the staff barks an order and the goblins disengage from the man and the leader points his staff at the man.  After a moment of the goblin leader speaking and waving the staff, a red fireball flies toward the man which erupts into a huge explosion.  When the explosion clears the man is standing with burnt skin which heals back to normal, even his hair begins to regrow back.  The goblin leader barks an order and the worgs and goblins retreat back into the forest.



This story focuses more on the monsterous races of this world and the type of magic they tend to use.  The world has three main forms of magic.  Divine, magic given by the keepers of souls or devil/demons, Shamanistic, magic given by spirits (either natural or ancestral), and Acrane, magic that can be either studied or received from a magical lineage.

The main character of this story is Malcom Cuthier, a natural born werebear.  At some point in his recent history his limbs were taken from him by a human of great power known only as the "Body Maker."  A close friend of his, also a lycanthrope, was being held captive by the "Body Maker" and Malcom's journey is to try and rescue her.

Any comments or critiques are welcome.  Thank you.

22
Manga Creations / The Devil of Murkwood
« on: November 14, 2021, 07:50:05 PM »
A single hooded figure is heading down a path in the woods.  The hooded cloak obscures all of the figure's features, making it impossible to determine any physical characteristics.  As the sun begins to get low in the sky, the figure can see a break in the trees further down the path.

As the figure heads further down the path, it stops short of getting to the break.  A man's corpse is strung up to one of the trees.  The place where the face should be has been worn down to the skull, while flesh still clings to the rest of the man's body.  The man was thin before the decomposition started, but he has been out here for days.  There is a sign strung around the dead man's neck that says, "Followers and Consorts of Darkness are not Welcome."  The figure stops to examine the corpse, scoffs, then continues down the path.

As the sun starts to set the figure sees the town at the edge of the tree line.  There is a pair of posts at the beginning of the clearing that has a swinging sign, but it is too far away to be able to see the words written on it.  As the finally sets, the figure can read the sign in the last moments of twilight.  "Murkwood"

Despite the darkness, none of the buildings in the small town are lit, except for the church.  The full moon hangs over the building bathing it in the pale light.  The dancing light of the torches in the church cause shadows to move in the windows.  The figure opens the door to the church and enters.  Inside the decently large church is more people than the church should be able to hold.  The whole town has gathered here, and in front of the group is a priest standing next to wooden cage with a child inside.

"Friends and fellow followers of the Keeper of Nature, Makovir the Tender, I present to you, the devil that has been plaguing our town."  The priest motions to the cage as the crowd murmurs amongst itself.  "Have you found food scarce in your home?  Your harvest of Makovir's bounty less then what it was the year prior?  I have here the reason behind it all!"  The crowd begins booing and hissing.  The figure begins moving through the crowd toward the priest and the cage.  The child stands up revealing that she is a young girl with a pair of horns sprouting from her forehead.

"I didn't do anything!" Yells the child.  The crowd starts talking amongst themselves.

"Silence Devil!"  The priest slams the cage with his hand.  "Your lies will not save you."  He turns to the crowd that quiets down.  "Tonight, we will purify Murkwood of this taint."  He puts his hands together and bows his head.  "Makovir, I ask your moon to cleanse this devil spawn from our presence."  The torches all blow out and the pale moon light seeps into the building from a window near the top of the church.  The light slowly approaches the cage before finally stopping on the girl.

"Stop, please!  It burns!"  Shrieks the girl.  She notices the figure and reaches a hand out of the cage.  "Help me! Please!"  She falls unconscious.



This is the second story that I am working with.  This story focuses more on the religion of the world.  As the reader goes deeper into the story, they learn more about the Pantheon of the world and what role it plays in the life of mortals and magic.

23
Manga Creations / Re: A Deadman's Search For Redemption
« on: November 05, 2021, 08:28:40 PM »
You are correct, the world I am using is very detailed, as I have been constructing it over 5 years or so.  This universe will be were all of the stories that I am creating will take place.

I absolutely agree that readers need to be slowly introduced to the more complex parts of the story.  This is why when I wrote the second post (the part intended to be the introduction), I only included the main character, other humans, and the mimic.  The reader doesn't know who Dorian is, about is journey to save monstrous humanoids, or even that he is a pirate.  The main reason why I have given more information than what is actually going to be used immediately is because there are more questions about the backstory than about the first chapter.  Also, I want to make sure it is known that I have already planned well into the future about where the story will head, and how Dorian gets there.

As for the confusion with Belephore being in both places, I understand how that can be confusing when you know that there is only one mimic.  However, if you do not know that there is only one, it eliminates the confusion as there could be 2, 5, 10, or 100 mimics.  The ship is meant to be a surprise for the reader.  They won't find out that Belephore is only a single mimic until a possible last scene of the first chapter, or an early scene in the next one where the mimic detaches itself from Dorian's shoulder, hits the deck of the ship, and is reabsorbed by the main body.

I hope that helps to clear up anything.  Thank you for the responses.

24
Manga Creations / Re: A Deadman's Search For Redemption
« on: November 04, 2021, 12:00:51 AM »
Hello NO1SY,

In regards to Belephore, the simple answer is that they are both the same mimic.  The long answer is that the mini-mimic with Dorian is a simple collection of sensory organs that are connected to the ship's main body through an invisible/psychic link.  This lets Belephore be in essentially 2 different places at the same time, so that it can taste and experience food, that may not be possible to prepare on the ship.  While the ship mimic can freely change its shape, it cannot change its mass, so there is always a consistent body.  While Belephore can multiply numerously, all his parts must add up to the mass of an entire ship.  However, too many copies results in an overload of stimulus that results in Belephore becoming physically sick, as there are too many different senses returning different feedback.  Belephore is still a single individual creature and cannot handle overstimulation.  Instead Belephore can choose to sever the link with a piece that was separated, but this creates a new mimic that is no longer attached to the main body.  If it has all of the essential organs of a mimic, it becomes a new mimic with Belephore's memories up to the point of disconnection, but if it doesn't have the organs it needs to live, the copy dies, and cannot be reabsorbed into the main body.

As for Dorian's back story part, this has a lot more to do with his adoptive father, Bartholomew Phore (Bar for short).  Bar was titled the "Tactician's Judge" for utilizing a number of unprecedented tactics and technologies that allowed him to win a great number battles.  No one in the main country knew where these innovations came from, as it is an island based country without humanesque creatures other than humans, elves, and very rarely dwarfs.   Bar had acquired them through battles with the monstrous races.  Taking tactics from hobgoblins to board enemy ships in close range and setting ambushes and utilizing orc weaponry and goblin primitive submersible technology.  The main country's other troops never fought these creatures as they were only heard of through rumors and legends in distant lands too dangerous to visit.  However, Bar was not just a man of military might, he was an adventurer before deciding to settle down in the main country with his wife, a Duke's daughter.  He taught Dorian of how these creatures were not just dangerous monsters fighting to survive, but also intelligent creatures to be respected.

The person who rigged the trial is also the same noble having an affair with Dorian's wife,  Fredrik Aldele.  Fredrik really doesn't care about Dorian at all, but absolutely hates Bar for a number of reasons; being a foreigner, being lowborn man who married into the royal line, being successful, and being what he needs to measure up to in order to get any accolades himself.  Everything he is doing is an attempt to drag Bar's name down into the mud, so that he can rise higher.  Fredrik is closer to Dorian's age then Bar's, but it was his family who poisoned his mind and turned him against Bar to begin with.

This should shed some light on the questions that you had about the story.  If you have anything else you would like to know or ask, please feel free to let me know.

Thanks

25
Welcome Center / Re: Hello Everyone
« on: November 03, 2021, 10:31:38 PM »
Hello NO1SY,

I truly enjoy TTRPGs because of the amount of freedom it gives to both the players and the DM.  While Video Games are great for static enjoyment, I don't think anything can compare with the ability to change, improv, and create fun and interesting encounters in TTRPGs.

As for my favorite board game, I would have to say the classic game of Chess is my favorite.  I enjoy trying to find different ways to confound my opponent, while still trying to keep the game in my advantage.

If you are looking for a more obscure game, I enjoyed the Jumanji board game based on the classic 1995 film.  The game wasn't perfect, but if you treated the game like TTRPG, it was a lot of fun.  It was a classic race to the finish style of game, where there is only one winner, but it also included an aspect cooperation.  If too many challenges were failed, all the players would lose the game.

A game that I would like to learn is Shogi, although I do not think I will ever have enough time to learn such a complex game, and be able to master it.

26
Manga Creations / Re: A Deadman's Search For Redemption
« on: November 02, 2021, 04:07:55 PM »
I use the prose format when I am doing a general outline of events to help describe actions and events in a more detailed approach.  When actually writing the dialogue, I prefer the script format because it's much easier to determine where and when the speech bubbles should actually appear.

27
Manga Creations / Re: A Deadman's Search For Redemption
« on: November 02, 2021, 12:48:46 PM »
Hello Coryn,

Thank you for taking the time to read through my story idea and leaving feedback.  I have created a post in the welcome center, to give a little more information about myself and the goals that I have.  Thank you for the suggestion.

It was my mistake to not be more clear in the previous posts.  The first post and the second post are separated by about a year of events.  After being left on the island, Dorian finds a cave that leads to ruins of a tower that have been swallowed by the earth.  While exploring this sunken tower, he discovers that it is riddled with traps and that belonged to a mage researching mimics.  At this point Dorian learns more about physical and mental aspects of mimics.  At the bottom of the tower he meets a mimic who doesn't have a name and a magical ring on the corpse of the dead mage.  The mimic agrees to be Dorian's ship, but in return Dorian agrees to letting the mimic try many different types of food (mimic biology functions essentially like alligators in that they do not die from old age, have even slower metabolisms as they do not need to move most of the time, but they can get smaller through reproduction by division).  After agreeing to the name Belephore, Bele being the name of the mage and Phore being Dorian's last name, Dorian heads straight back to his previous country to reunite with his wife.  The ring that belonged to the mage is identified as a ring of clouded vision here.  The ring hide the person wearing it from any type of tracking magic.  However, upon returning to his home, he found that his wife was not there.  He finds her journal and after reading through it discovers that she had been having an affair with with a high ranking noble.  This affair had been going on while Dorian was out to sea, and that the noble was the actual father of the child his wife was having.  This noble is also the one who hired Borgar (previous captain) to transport slaves.

It is also where he looks at the port city he resides and sees the true disparity between the humans (primary race) who live there and most other races.  This is when Dorian decides that he will be going against his previous government by freeing the slaves before they actually arrive in the country.  Due to the time he spent in the military, he understands the methods and tactics used to track down and eliminate enemies.  Through some careful maneuvering, he manages to get a hold of a lineage crystal.  These crystals, when placed over a magically attuned map, gives the location of a person or closest living relative within one step (ie father, mother, siblings, and children).  The magic of the crystal requires some kind of physical object closely tied to the individual.  He sets his previous house on fire, an attempt to destroy anything that could tie him to a lineage crystal, and flees the city with Belephore to find his birth parents.

Dorian arrives in the port city of the second post, as this is where his birth parents are.  He orders a large amount of supplies to be delivered to his ship, and spends a few days trying to locate his birth parents.  When he finds them, they are homeless people, living a miserable existence of scrounging for food, begging for money, and doing anything they can to escape the reality they are in.  Drugs, magical potions, and spells that fascinate/hypnotize them to take them away from their reality.  The guards of the city basically ignore them, and sometimes abuse these homeless people themselves.  The night before the second post's events.  Dorian rationalizes to himself that killing them ends the existence that they are constantly trying to escape, and protects them from the previous country if anything should happen to where a linage crystal is used to find him.  That night, he kills them in an alley while they are under the effects of some magical spell or potion that they have taken.  As he walks out of the alley, two guards are on patrol, stops him, investigates the scene, cracks a joke about if he got anything on him, and good riddance that there are two less rodents on the streets.  He heads back to the tavern in the first post, and attempts to drink himself to sleep, but even alcohol cannot provide the relief needed to stop the mental anguish he is in.  This is when the second post/first chapter starts.

As you mentioned, Dorian is a broken character to start with.  I wanted this to paint him as a "bad guy" to allow him to grow into a character who is willing to create bonds again, as he spent so much time breaking the old ones he had.  Both the physical and emotional ones.  The second chapter has his first raid on a slave transport ship where he pick up his first permanent crew mate.  Verigal Fin is a lycanthrope who had a similar idea to Dorian, in that stopping the slave ships and freeing slaves is the way to help those affected the most.  Verigal is a Natural Born Wereshark (Doesn't go absolutely berserk during full moons and has full control of his shapeshifting) who is brawny, brash, ruthless, and intimidating, but he is willing to sacrifice himself for the betterment of others.  During this raid, Dorian is wounded.  The wound is cauterized by Dorian using the heated barrel of his pistol, but he ends up going into shock.  Verigal leads Belephore to an island where he knows a physician is.  This is to give Dorian a reason to form a bond with Verigal, as he realizes no mater how strong an individual is, he needs others to do what he cannot.

There are a total of five crew mates that will end up aboard the Gluttonous Anemone, not including Belephore himself.  Dorian the Pirate, Verigal the Wereshark, Nicodemus the Cartographer, Lloyd the Researcher, and Sylvana the Cloud Shaper.  Each of these characters will have their own quirks and goals that happen to align with Dorian's.  There will also be many characters from the rescued races including Orcs, Minotaurs, Goblins and Hobgoblins, and other various creatures.  However, not all of them will be in need of rescuing, some of them will be fighting back as Verigal did.  As Dorian progresses through the story, he will start to build ties with both his crew members and the different creatures he rescues and meets along the way.

Dorian doesn't start by trying to take down the government, but rather stopping the flow of slaves.  However, once the government starts using slaves to transport new slave, sending more battle hardened ships as escorts, and eventually using airships instead of traditional boats, Dorian realizes that just treating the symptoms won't stop the corruption, and actions need to be taken to break down who is currently in control in order to start the healing process.

I hope this makes things more clear.  Again, thank you for taking the time to read through my idea, and if you have any more suggestions or comments, please feel free to let me know.

Thank you

28
Welcome Center / Re: Hello Everyone
« on: November 02, 2021, 11:13:01 AM »
Hello Coryn,

I mainly decided to go in this direction because I truly enjoy the idea of story telling.  I love Table Top RPG games like Starfinder, D&D, and other interactive narrative driven media.  For example, video games that allow you to change how the story unfolds, not just through choices, but through the player's actions. 

I chose manga because it just feels like a lot of the mainstream western comics have decided to play too much on politics.  I just want to make something that doesn't rely on politics to be the main factor to what pushes the story forward.  I would rather focus on characters, their struggles, and who they become.

29
Welcome Center / Hello Everyone
« on: November 02, 2021, 10:06:44 AM »
Hello there,

You can refer to me as TheEnd, I am a 32 year old male writer living in Pennsylvania.  I am a writer, who found this forum looking for an artist while searching for a place to connect with different artists.  When it comes to hobbies, I enjoy most media; Anime, TV shows, Movies, Video Games, Card Games, and even Board Games.  I enjoy a lot of these for the narrative aspects.  My favorite anime would have to be my first introductions to it.  Dragon Ball Z and Speed Racer.

The reason I chose to become a member of this forum is to start a variety of different manga, doing 1 chapter of 4-5 manga, then moving to a website like patreon or kickstarter where anyone who enjoys the manga can vote on which one they would like to see the next chapter of.  I also wanted to do something special for anyone who contributes more by making a special version of a manga.  I call this a long form manga.  A long form manga has each panel drawn as a whole page, showing more details and a wider viewpoint.  While the regular chapters will be released in digital format.  I would like to release the long form manga only as a physical book.  Digital is very easy to copy and spread while physical tends to be more difficult to mass copy and distribute.

I look forward to getting to know everyone.

Thank you,
TheEnd

30
Manga Creations / Re: A Deadman's Search For Redemption
« on: October 26, 2021, 03:27:28 PM »
After some thought, I decided that the original post will be back story to be reflected on in later chapters rather than as the first chapter/chapters.  It is a little long and dry to try to tell all at once.

The first chapter will start in a port city's tavern early in the morning.  The main character (Dorian Phore) will be sitting in a bar stool, face down on the bar.  The tavern is rather busy with travelers, adventures, and sailors eating breakfast preparing to start their day.

The door of the tavern is kicked open by a guard captain, and guards flood into the tavern.  "Where is the captain of the 'Gluttonous Anemone'?"  The tavern keeper looks at Dorian who is still face down on the bar.  The captain of the guards approaches Dorian.  "I have been informed that a large number of provisions have been delivered to your ship."

"Why is the guard captain coming to tell me about the food I ordered, was delivered?"  Says Dorian still face down on the bar.  "Do you moonlight as a messenger?"

"Based on the size of your ship and the amount of food delivered, your reported crew size of 2 is clearly not accurate."  The guard captain unfastens a pair of manacles from his belt as he continues to approach Dorian.  "You therefore owe more for your docking fee, an additional fine for lying to the port master, and an additional 'messenger' fee for a guard escort to the station."

Dorian, head still on the bar, "first of all I've had a long night, and really don't want to deal with you lot."  He pulls his head off the bar and looks at the captain.  "Second I didn't lie about the number of crew, there is me," pointing at himself, "and him."  pointing at the tinny treasure chest resting on his shoulder.  The guard captain looks at the chest.  The chest pops open startling the guard captain.

In side the chest is an eye inside the teeth lined interior "Yeah, and I'm the big one" blurts the mini-mimic.

"I guess we need to add bringing a monster within city limits to the list of fines you already owe.  We have already ordered your ship to be locked down.  Guards are in the process searching the ship for any extra crew that may be on board.  Now, are you going to come quietly, or do you need some 'gentle' persuading?"  The captain holds the manacles out to Dorian.

Dorian holds out his hands and says "I'll let you know now, this won't end well for you or your men, but I will come quietly."  After the captain places the manacles on Dorian, he leads Dorian outside and heads toward the port.  After reaching the port, the guard captain finds the port with the ship, but none of his men are there.  He pulls a crystal from his belt, which is lights up in his hand.

"Report lock down team."  The guard captain speaks into the crystal, but there is no response.  "Guards, this ship should be locked down by now.  Half of you go aboard and find out what is taking the lock down team so long."  Half the guards escorting Dorian go onto the ship.

After a few minutes have passed, Dorian says while scratching his head, "I told you this wouldn't end well for you and your men.  Now you can either let me go and I'll leave with my ship.  No more damage, no more death."

Ignoring Dorian, the guard captain speaks into the crystal again.  "Squad B report."  No response.  "Squad B what is your status?"  The crystal lights up this time.

"Captain, there is something going on with the ship.  I cannot find anyone else, not from the lock down squad or from squad B.  It's like the ship is haunted, people are disappearing, the structure of the ship seems to change constantly.  Captain, I don't know what's going on I think --" the crystal goes dark.

"Squad B report!"  A gunshot rings out and one of the guards falls to the ground.  When the knight captain turns to see what happened, Dorian has his rapier in the chest of an other guard.  The other 2 guards attack Dorian, but with an other gun shot and a parried attack and riposte the other two guards are dead.  Dorian walks towards the ship, putting himself between the guard captain and the ship.

"I'm leaving.  Belephore, get ready to set sail."  The Guard Captain draws his weapon and shield and gets into a fighting stance.  The ship begins to move, it grows arms, and a mouth revealing that it is actually a giant mimic.  The Guard Captain drops weapon and shield as Dorian walks onto the ship.


I think this is a better starting chapter, as there is only a single encounter to focus on.  Again, any comments or suggestions are appreciated.

Pages: 1 [2] 3