Here is the Prologue of a manga i am writing. Plz enjoy. And leave criticism if can.
Spoiler
Prologue OF Asguardian
Manga Script
Asguardian
Chapter 0
Genre: Shonen, Comedy, Action, Martial arts, Mystery, drama, superpower, adventure, other, fantasy, Supernatural
Setting “Forest”
Eric is walking tiredly through a thick forest with his, superior, Suri. She is walking in the back (with a black book reading) of Eric as he walks at the front tiredly. In the forest there are vines the size of tree trunks swinging (at arm’s length) with fruits. The forest is like a tropical forest with exotic trees and plants etc.
Eric: Suri, Can we rest? I am hungry and tired.
Suri: No, we have to bring back the Maginata before the day ends.
Eric: But can we………
Suri: Eric,
Suri made a pause
Eric notices her anger in her tone.
Suri: Are you questioning your superior’s Judgment?
She said calmly with an angry but cold expression.
Soon, she reaches on the floor for something.
Eric: No, no not at all.
Eric said quickly and calmly.
Eric thought: Is best I don’t get Suri mad. I don’t want her to throw a boulder at me.
Suri crudely watches him and puts back a boulder on the floor.
Soon she stops.
Suri: Eric, you should be a bit more serious. Remember although I am your friend, I am still grading you as your superior in the field and up to now you haven’t impressed me with mental or physical abilities.
Suri turns around.
Suri: Furthermore
she sees him fighting a monkey for an apple
Eric: Give me the apple you can find hundreds
Suri looked furious
Eric notices her anger.
Eric pointed at the monkey.
Eric: He took my apple.
Suri throws a large rock and Eric got hit in the head.
Suri is dragging him through the forest.
Suri: What are you doing with an apple in a survival mission?
Eric: I… was…. hungry (he mumbled)
Eric said while trying his best to remain conscious
Setting Change (Temple)
There is a pyramid shaped temple where a tribe had inhabited. The Temple looked ancient with moss and vines.
A bald man is there with a child at the temple. The child is trying to read inscriptions on the wall as the man nervously looked on.
Saru (the man): Did you find it .
Akuza: No, the writing only talks about protocols of the Temple.
Saru: Damn!
Saru Thought: I hope this kid gets the location of the Maginata.
Akuza interrupted: I found something!
Saru: read it!
Akuza: “This Maginata was bestowed to this tribe of Hermes by the gods. It was used in many battles even to fend off a beast that looked like a possessed cow. This treasured weapon resembles a mallet with a great size of 5 men and made of pure gold.
Saru interrupted: Wow gold! This will surely raise the price of the Maginata.
Saru: in that inscription, does it state the location of the Maginata?
Akuza: hmmmmm…… No.
Saru looks annoyed.
Saru thought: The information is probably is in that damn temple. I hate these damn temples, they are always really scary and creepy with traps………
Akuza: Um….
Saru looked annoyed
Saru: What is it?
Akuza: how are we going to carry a huge Hammer?
Saru: all Maginatas are so light that even a child can lift it.
Saru thought: Maybe……..
Akuza interrupted: But won’t we look suspicious with a huge hammer carrying it from town to town.
Saru boiled with annoyance
Saru: When we have it we will deal with the problems.
Saru thought: When I get that Maginata, it will be like winning the lottery and………
Akuza interrupted: But won’t………
Saru grabbed Akuza at his shirt.
Saru: Look here brat. I didn’t take you out of that damn orphanage to ask me damn questions. We are not friends; we are not anything, so stop talking to me and do your damn job.
Akuza: Yes
Saru tossed Akuza on the ground.
Saru: You ask so many damn questions. I can’t even here myself think
Saru scoffed
Saru: Now… let’s go in the damn temple.
As Saru was going inside the Temple
Suri: Where are you going Sir?
Saru looked panicked
Eric and Suri came to the temple.
Suri looks uptight while Eric has a smile on his face with a bandage on his head.
Suri: Sir that Temple is off limits to civilians.
Saru turns around.
Saru: I am not going in there. I am...uh a tourist with his son uh... site seeing.
Saru helps up Akuza to his feet
Suri looks at the man carefully.
Suri: Who are you?
Saru: uh I am Saru and this is Akuza.
Suri saw blood on Akuza’s leg.
Suri: What happen to your Akuza?
Akuza: I…….
Saru: He fell down….uh playing in the temple ruins.
Suri looks at Akuza’s leg.
Suri: Well I can fix that.
Suri goes in her bag.
Suri: by the way I am Suri a Soldier of Scerra and this is ……
Eric: Hey I am Eric, soldier of Scerra….
Suri interrupted: In training
Eric: I am going to graduate. He said angrily
Suri: wouldn’t bet on it.
Suri gave a cold expression
Eric looks pissed at Suri as she attends to Akuza’s injury.
Akuza looked helpless in the middle of their conversation.
Saru thought: Why is resistance scum here? I have to leave, better not blow my cover.
Suri: All finished.
Suri dressed Akuza’s wound.
Saru: Thank you for fixing his leg. We will be going now. We don’t want to be in your way of your mission? So Good bye!
Saru was rushing to go, tugging Akuza’s hand. They suddenly stepped on a trap that emitted an ear-ringing screeched.
Everyone at the temple covered their ears.
Saru: was that a trap?
Soon an aggressive howl was heard.
Minotaur: Heeeeee Haaaaawawaw!
Eric looks puzzled.
Eric: Did someone hit a donkey?
Soon loud stomping was very audible and was getting closer.
A Minotaur (15 feet tall) came with the Maginata in its hand swinging.
Minotaur: Heeeeehawwwwwawawa
everyone looks scared except for Eric and Suri. Eric looked excited while Suri looked extremely annoyed
Eric: That’s one big ugly donkey.
Suri is leaving to go in the temple.
Eric: Where are you going Suri?
Suri: I am going inside to……… learn about the Maginata. You deal with things out here
Eric: sure, this will be easy but remember to come back soon. Eric smiled brightly
Suri went inside the temple ignoring what Eric had to say.
Saru took off running with Akuza in his hand.
The Minotaur went running towards them, tackling Eric in the process. Eric was thrown away from the temple.
Saru: Damn these things always happen.
Saru looked behind and saw the monster charging with great speed.
Saru looks at Akuza and with desperation Saru tossed Akuza and ran off.
Saru ran, focused in escaping the beast.
Saru: Tough luck kid! You were too heavy.
As Akuza lied on the ground, the Minotaur’s hoof was about to mash him. Akuza looked in awe at the mindless beast. Soon Eric jumped under the hoof, holding it up.
Eric: Hey kid, do me a favor and move out the way.
Akuza: You……
Eric: Yeah I am holding the Donkey’s foot. Can you move?
Akuza still in awe,
Eric picked up Akuza with one foot and tossed him away from the fight.
Eric looked at Akuza with conviction. I will kick this donkey’s ass so stay alive I will protect……..( he said with his thumb up smiling).
As he said that the Minotaur swung the hammer (like golf) and hit Eric, sending him flying.
Akuza: Eric!!
The Minotaur was going towards where Eric was sent
.
As the Minotaur approached the location, Akuza had thrown a rock at the Minotaur.
He didn’t get the Minotaur’s attention.
Akuza thought: What am I doing? I don’t want to get killed by that thing but…….. I can’t let Eric die because of me…..
Like her. I won’t let him die because of me.
Akuza looks confused
Akuza thought: No I won’t let him die like how she died trying to protect me!
In the Background showed a girl around Akuza’s age.
Akuza: Mika, You always told me to keep friends near me but friends in my time is a resource hard to come by but…… when Eric looked at me, I saw your eyes, it was like you looking at me, so even if he is a little like you, like my friend, I will fight this time even at the cost of my life!
So don’t you dare touch Eric!
Akuza threw the nearest thing to him.
A larger rock was launched at the Minotaur.
The Minotaur’s attention was directed at Akuza.
Minotaur: HeeeeeeeeHaaaawawawaw!!!!!
The Minotaur went berserk, running towards Akuza, preparing an attack.
The Minotaur was about to land an attack at Akuza with the hammer when Eric jumped towards Akuza and punched
the hammer. Their attacks were on par.
Eric: You cow, assed face Donkey….. That is the last time you will hit me.
Eric looks furious.
The Minotaur was sizing up another attack.
Eric jumped up to the Minotaur’s chest and prepared a menacing-looking punch.
Eric: After…….shock!
He threw a punch at the front of its chest (not connecting) and a large punch print was outlined on the Minotaur's chest.
Akuza looked faint afterwards
.
The Minotaur and Eric fell.
Akuza: Eric!!
Akuza rushed towards Eric (limping)
Akuza: Eric! Are you O.K.?
Eric: it’s nothing, just a little hungry.
Akuza looked at him smiling.
Eric: You know what you did was really stupid….
Akuza looked disappointed in himself.
Eric: but I like you. You’re my first friend that’s really weak and brave
Akuza: Friend?
Akuza began to cry then he hugged Eric.
Akuza: Eric!!!!!!
Eric: ahh………… Ok, ok that hurts a bit
Akuza still clenched Eric tightly.
Scene Change (Temple ruins)
The temple ruins comprised of buildings that were destroyed due to the environment.
Akuza and Eric are sitting on a builder while Suri is treating their injuries.
The Minotaur is also lying on the floor next to the Maginata.
Suri: Are you ok?
Both Akuza and Eric are in bandages.
Eric: Yeah I am fine.
Suri: I am not talking about you bone head.
Suri gave a cold expression.
Eric looks annoyed.
Suri: I am talking to Akuza.
She said coldly
Akuza: Yeah…….. I am fine but Eric has all the injuries.
Suri: He never focuses on his mission and that’s why he is always in bruises.
Akuza whispered: I am always in bruises because you always throw things at me.
Suri got furious
Suri: What did you say bone head?
Akuza: Nothing, nothing
Suri breathes out.
Akuza: Suri……
Suri: Yeah
Akuza: did you find it?
Suri: Find what?
Akuza: The information on the Maginata
Suri: Well ummmm…….
Suri looked like she’s trying to make up something.
Eric whispered to Akuza: She just said that to read her manga.
Suri: It is not just a manga.
Suri looks disgusted and pulls out a pink manga book.
It’s “my pony” a story that demonstrates a girl’s dedication to receive the love of a horse. To read I require total silence.
Akuza and Eric looks disturbed to see that side of Suri.
.Suri looks into the sunset with passion in her eyes for her book.
Suri: Now, I need to go in the woods to find some uh… herbs for medicine. Suri took her manga with her.
The two boys look at her with expressions like “Who is she trying to fool”
Suri leaves
Akuza: Hey
Eric: Yeah
Akuza: What’s a Maginata?
Eric: Hmmmmm let me think. I don’t usual pay attention during class. He said smiling.
Akuza looks like he expected that from Eric.
Eric: Ah, Maginatas is weapons the gods left behind for us humans. They greatly boost our abilities. That’s why the resistance wants them to beat monsters like that donkey today.
Akuza: If Maginatas are used to beat that monster, how did you beat it.
Eric: Cause I have a Maginata.
Akuza: Really, Where?
Eric: Here
Eric shows him a tattoo that is gold with an address and writing that says “take out” under it
Akuza: That looks like a restaurant address tattooed to your arm.
Eric: It’s not just a tattooed address of my favorite restaurant……It’s my Maginata.
Akuza looks puzzled.
Eric: There isn’t much Maginatas in the world so the soldiers of Scerra melts the Maginata and applies a small amount of it melted as a tattoo so many people can get all the gained abilities that one get from one Maginata.
Akuza: So that giant Maginata can be used by many people at once in a form of a tattoo.
Eric: Yep and we call the tattoos eicons.
Akuza: Wow!
Eric nodded in proudness.
Eric: It took me five years of Suri’s horrible teachings to learn that.
Eric looked scared.
Eric’s stomach then started to growl.
Eric then looked at the Minotaur.
Eric: Can you make donkey stew?
Akuza: That’s a Minotaur
Eric looked puzzled.
Akuza: Half cow half……
Eric: You mean I can get beef from that Minwa
Akuza: Minotaur!
Eric: Awesome.
Setting Change (Forest Exit)
The characters are leaving the forest.
Eric is holding Akuza on his back, dragging the Minotaur in one hand, while Suri is in the back reading a black book in one hand and holding the Maginata in the other.
Suri: Akuza…..
Akuza: yeah
Suri: Where is your dad?
Akuza: Saru is not my dad. He only adopted me because I can read the inscriptions on the temple.
Suri: You can read those inscriptions? That’s amazing. It takes scholars years to decipher that but….. Who is that man you were with?
Akuza: He is a tomb raider……. (Akuza looked alarmed) and I know tomb raiding is illegal and I am sorry that I was helping…..
Suri: it’s ok Akuza. I am not angry at you.
Eric: Hey Suri…… you think I can go back and print my knuckles on Saru’s cue balled head.
Suri: No Eric. We need to notify Scerra before we apprehend Saru besides from my experience people like that guy always get what they deserve.
Akuza: Really.
Suri: Really, you have nothing to worry about.
Eric: And if you need a place to stay you can live with my mom and me.
Akuza: Your…. home?
Eric: Yeah, at home the people there are really nice and friendly but the only thing you have to worry about is my mom’s horrible cooking.
Akuza started to cry…..
Akuza: (Sniff, Sniff,) Arigato!
Akuza hugged Eric
Eric: Ok, ok
Suri: hahahhahahah
Eric: This is not funny Suri
Setting Change (Forest Zorons’ territory)
Saru is in traversing through the forest and passed a sign that says “Zoron Territory, warning mating season”. (Zorons are creatures that resemble alligator/Gorilla and the males are interested in all species at mating season)
Saru: I can’t believe I got lost in this damn forest. I also lost that kid. Now where am I going to find a damn translator for those damn Inscriptions?
Saru breathes out in relief.
Saru: At least now I am safe away from that damn monster.
Soon a howl was heard.
Zoron: hawwoohawooooo!
Then five male Zorons surrounded Saru.
In this panel (The last panel) shows the sky and Saru’s Screaming voice.
Saru: Ahhhhhhhhhhwaaaaaawoooooooh