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Develop Your Story / Looking for feedback
« on: June 22, 2022, 12:20:27 PM »
Hey Everyone.
I'm currently writing a manga and, was looking for some feedback on it.
I have already decided how I would like most of the 1st couple of chapters to play out, That is why some chapters are in a script format instead of a summary format.
Please note that there are spelling and grammar mistakes as I have dyslexia.
Manga Tags:
Fantasy, Isekai, Sci-fi, Action
Manga Summary:
Chapter 1, Script Draft 1
Chapter 2, Script Draft 1
Thank you for taking a look and providing feedback.
I'm currently writing a manga and, was looking for some feedback on it.
I have already decided how I would like most of the 1st couple of chapters to play out, That is why some chapters are in a script format instead of a summary format.
Please note that there are spelling and grammar mistakes as I have dyslexia.
Manga Tags:
Fantasy, Isekai, Sci-fi, Action
Manga Summary:
Spoiler
Eleanor was the king's eldest child and next in line for the throne. Everything in her life was perfect. Until her 18th birthday when she was betrayed by the very person, she loved the most. The hero who saved the world from the demon king, Her Sister. Her Sister took everything from Eleanor, Her Family, Her throne, and her future.
In Eleanor's moment of despair, she was teleported to a new world. A world where magic doesn't exist, a world with skyscrapers and flying cars. A world where other girls were saved from the torment of the very heroes that saved their world.
However, heroes don’t take it lightly when their playthings are taken away from them.
In Eleanor's moment of despair, she was teleported to a new world. A world where magic doesn't exist, a world with skyscrapers and flying cars. A world where other girls were saved from the torment of the very heroes that saved their world.
However, heroes don’t take it lightly when their playthings are taken away from them.
Chapter 1, Script Draft 1
Spoiler
Page 1:
In a large colosseum
Takes up a full page
Eleanor's face crying out in pain while several images are around her face.
These images are her perspective of her being attacked. E.g. Getting hit by a mace.
Mage casting fireball..
Eleanor: AHHHH , Someone save me. Help me
Page 2:
large bedroom with en-suite bathroom. Early morning (3.30am) Arthur and Camilla are sleeping
Panel 1:
Arthur suddenly wakes up from his sleep. He’s drench in sweat from the dream he just had.
Arthur: Gasp (heavy breathing)
Panel 2:
Arthur is rushing out of bed coving his mouth
Panel 3:
Arthur entering the en-suite bathroom.
Panel 4:
Leaning over a sink throwing up
Arthur: Blech
Panel 5:
Looking at the bathroom mirror. Face wet from the sweat.
Arthur: Gasp (heavy breathing)
Page 3:
Panel 1:
Arthur back in the bedroom and is getting dressed.
Camilla looking slightly awake sitting up
Arthur: Sorry for waking you.
Camilla: Come back to bed.
Arthur: I’m sorry but I can’t I’ve got work to do
Panel 2:
Camilla looking at the clock. While Arthur does up his jacket.
Camilla: What work, It's half three in the morning
Arthur: Their something important that needs doing
Panel 3:
Arthur heads over to Camilla
Arthur: I should be free around dinner time if you wish to join me.
Camilla: Fine, Just don’t be late
Panel 4:
Arthur leans into camilla to kiss her on the forehead
Panel 5:
Camilla: Pushes him away
Page 5:
Panel 1:
Camilla Making an EWW face while Arthur stands over the bed
Camilla: EWW Your breath sticks. Have a mint or something
Panel 2:
Arthur opens the bedroom door to leave the room
Panel 3:
As Arthur about to leave the room, he turns to camilla. Who is now fast asleep again
Arthur Thinking: atleast I don’t keep her up for long
Panel 4:
Suddenly Arthur's face is pale as he can hear screaming
Eleanor: AHHHH
Page 6:
Panel 1:
Arthur is now in a hallway with 4 rooms on the left side. The Right side has several windows and plant pots. Two guards in power armour are at each end of the hallway. Seeing Arthur the guards stand at attention
Arthur Thinking: Her screaming getting worst.
Panel 2:
Arthur power walks through the hallway 2 of the guards are now following him. Outside of the window you can see a sci city
Panel 3:
Arthur Yarwing
Arthur thinking: I really need a coffee
Panel 4:
Arthur breaths into his hand
Arthur thinking: And some mints.
Page 7:
Panel 1:
Arthur is now in a small room with no windows and only one door. In the room their is a table with a chess board. Arthur and a hooded figure are sitting at the table playing chess
Panel 2:
Arthur head in this hands
Arthur : I can still help hear crys for help even now
Figure: Check
Panel 3:
The Figure looks up at Arthur while Arthur head still in his hands.
Figure: I can save her, you just merely just need to ask.
Panel 4:
A knock at the door
Panel 5:
A maid with a trolly enters the room
Page 8:
Panel 1:
The maid is handing over the coffee to Arthur
Maid: Your Coffee and mints your grace
Arthur: That will be all, Thank you
Panel 2:
The maid bows to the Arthur as he picks up the coffee
Panel 3:
The maid leaves the room however the hooded figure is not their
Maid thinking: Is the king talking to himself again
Panel 4:
Arthur sips the coffee
Page 9:
Panel 1:
Flashes the screaming Eleanor being hit with a fireBall
Eleanor: AHHHHHH, Someone save me.. Please
Panel 2:
Arthur turns to the side and throws up
Arthur: Blech
Panel 3:
Arthur hand on his heart while catching this breath
Arthur: Gasp (heavy breathing)
Page 10:
Panel 1:
Arthur facing the figure
Arthur: Please… Please save her
Panel 2:
The Figure has a creepy smile on his face. No other features can be seen
Figure: Seeing as you asked so nicely
Panel 3:
The figure snaps his fingers
Page 11:
Panel 1:
Birdeye view of the room - A large throne room full of nobles.
Panel 2:
Four girls chatting. Including Eleanor
Noble 1: How is your sister doing? I heard that she defeated the demon king.
Noble 2: I heard that most of her party got killed.
Panel 3:
Eleanor looks a little worried with the news of her sister losing her friends
Eleanor: She doing well… At least that's what she told me in her letters
Panel 4:
Eleanor looks a bit down as her sister is not here
Eleanor: I was hoping she would arrive back in time for tonight.
Noble 3: It's a real shame that she is missing her birthday
Panel 5:
Eleanor looks hopeful
Eleanor: I'm sure father will arrange something special for her
Page 12
Panel 1:
The king is tapping this glass with a fork to get the guess attention
Eleanor is waving bye to her friends as she walking off
Eleanor That is my queue to go, Chat soon
Panel 2:
Eleanor is standing next to the king and queen. The whole room is watching them
King: I would like to start by thanking everyone for coming here tonight to celebrate. We have had a tough couple of years with the demon king pillaging our land but i'm happy to say that those years are behind us
Panel 4:
King: But i'm happy to announce that those years are behind us, As the demon king was slain just the other day, by the royal hero herself. By beloved daughter no less
Panel 5:
Raising His glass
King: Lets all raise a glass to the fallen, to the hero and to the future
Page 13:
Panel 1:
The crowd raising their glasses in celebration
Panel 2:
King: Sadly Persephone is still on her way home so can’t make it tonight but.
Panel 3:
Eleanor is blushing.The kings arms are showing her off
King: my eldest daughter Eleanor is here celebrating her 18th birthday
Panel 4:
The king Gesturing to the ground with his arms
King: So which young nobleman would like to take my daughters hand for the first dance of the night?
Page 14:
Panel 1:
A young noble steps forward
Panel 2:
The noble bows to Eleanor while offering his hand for a dance.
Noble: May I have the pleasure of having the first dance.
Panel 3:
Eleanor Smiles and takes the guys hand
Eleanor: You may
Panel 4:
The two of the head to the center of the hall
Page 15:
Panel 1:
The crowd has crowed around them
Panel 2:
The two of them are dancing
Panel 3:
Eleanor and the noble are smiling while dancing
Page 16:
Panel 1:
Eleanor and the noble are spinning (dancing). Eleanor sees a maid chatting with the king and Queen
Panel 2:
The maid with the king and queen leave the room
Panel 3:
Close up on the king and queens face. They look annoyed
Panel 4:
Eleanor looks a bit concerned
Eleanor Thinking: I hope nothing wrong
Page 17:
Panel 1:
Its the next morning the king and queen are having breakfast. Eleanor enters the room yarwing. The king and queen are chatting about last night.
Queen: I can’t believe the nerve of her…
Eleanor: Morrnning
Panel 2:
The king and queen quickly stop their conversation.
King: Morning dear, did you sleep well last night?
Queen: Morning, Please join us
Panel 3:
Eleanor is curious about what she just overheard. Eleanor walking to the table
Eleanor: I sleep great thanks, what were you two talking about.?
Panel 4:
Eleanor now sitting down. Passing over a fruit bowl to Eleanor
Queen: It’s nothing dear. Here have some fruit
Eleanor: Thank you, Mother.
Page 18:
Panel 1:
Persephone enters the room Smiling
Persephone: Good morning
Panel 2:
The king and queen look displeased
Panel 3:
Eleanor looks overwhelmed with happiness
Eleanor: Sis, when did you get back?
Page 19:
Panel 1:
Eleanor is Hugging Persephone but Persephone not hugging her back
Persephone: I got back late last night.
Eleanor: I missed you so much
Panel 2:
Persephone now hugging Eleanor her face looks like is pressing her anger
Persephone: I missed you too, Sorry I missed last night.
Panel 3:
Persephone and Eleanor are now looking at each other. Both girls are smiling
Persephone: You go to tell me everything that happened
Page 20:
Panel 1:
The king, queen and Persephone, and Eleanor are sitting around the table. Empty food plates are in front of each of them. Eleanor has her arms out wide
Eleanor: and you should have seen the cake it was huge. I saved you a slice as well.
Queen: It's your favorite.. Chocolate.
Panel 2:
Persephone hiding her anger behind a smile.
Persephone: It sounds like a wonderful evening, I'm really a shame that I missed it
Panel 3:
The king looking displeased
King: well it can’t be helped. Just be sure to come to make it to the next one.
Panel 4:
Persephone looks annoyed
Persephone: Sorry father, Next time I will ask the demon king to rearrange this invasion.
Page 21:
Panel 1:
The king is angry
King: Don’t get lippy with me, young lady. You might be a hero but you're still my daughter. You have an duty to attend these events
Panel 2:
The Queen is looking displeased
Queen: Why can’t you be like your sister.
Panel 3:
Persephone slams the table
Persephone: I'm sorry, I'm not the daughter you wanted.
Page 22:
Panel 1:
Eleanor looks upset
Eleanor: Stop this. Please stop fighting why can’t we all get along for once.
Panel 2:
The king and queen look stunned by Eleanor's action
King: Yes you're quite right
Queen: Persephone apologize at once to your sister
Panel 3:
Persephone still annoyed
Persephone: Sorry
Panel 4:
The king passing his cup over the table
King: Persephone mind grabbing me some water
Queen: Make that two dear
Page 23:
Panel 1:
Persephone is pissed off
Persephone: We have servants to do that,
Panel 2:
The king with a serious face:
King: I asked you to do it. Or would you prefer a command?
Panel 3:
Persephone is still annoyed but has a fake smile on her face
Persephone sarcastically: Certainly farther,
Persephone: Eleanor what one as well?
Panel 4:
Eleanor smiling and waving her hands no
Eleanor: I'm good thank you
Page 24:
Panel 1:
Persephone pouring a drink
Eleanor facing her mum and dad and they are facing her
Eleanor: Could you two be nice please it been its been too long since we have all been together
Queen: Your right dear
King: I guess I have been a bit hard
Panel 2:
Hand passing a cup
Persephone: your drinks
Page 25:
Panel 1:
They are all sitting around the table
Eleanor: Oh I know, let's have toast
Panel 2:
Eleanor raising her cup
Eleanor: To all being reunited again at last, and to you sis for saving the world,
Panel 3:
The king and queen are about to drink
Eleanor: Oh and to good health
Panel 4:
Persephone smiling and looking at Eleanor
Persephone: your speech still needs work
Panel 5:
Eleanor smiling back at Persephone
Eleanor: it wasn’t that bad was it. What do you think father?
Page 26:
Panel 1:
Eleanor smiling face turning to face the king
Panel 2:
Eleanor's face looks shocked, small blood splatter on her cheek
Panel 3:
Eleanor looks worried, Screaming
Eleanor: mother father
Page 27:
Panel 1:
The king and queen are facing both Eleanor and Persephone The faces are coved in blood
Blood is coming out of their eyes and mouth
Panel 2:
A small panel showing the cup of water being spilled over
Page 28:
Panel 1:
Eleanor is sitting in a hallway opposite a door. Outside the door are 2 guards.
Eleanor's head is in her hands the moon can be seen in the sky from the window
Panel 2:
Close up on Eleanor sitting down
Eleanor thinking: Why.. why is this happening. Everything was meant to be back to how it was.
Panel 3:
Persephone leaving the room
Panel 4:
Persephone sits next to Eleanor
Panel 5:
Persephone's arm around Eleanor
Persephone: I’ve used healing magic to try and help with the pain. But it's not working against the poison.
Page 29:
Panel 1:
Eleanor looking at Persephone tears are running down her face
Eleanor: Why.. Why is this happening sis
Panel 2:
Persephone: Followers of the demon king are probably behind this
Panel 3:
Eleanor looks worried, Persephone now hugging Eleanor
Panel 4:
Persephone: Don’t worry I will protect you, I won’t let anything happen to you, I promise
Panel 5:
The magic spell is behind Eleanor's head.
Persephone: This will help you sleep
Page 30:
Panel 1:
Eleanor bedroom
Eleanor wakes up in her Bed (springing forward)
Panel 2:
Eleanor's hand on her head
Eleanor Thinking: Aww My head is pounding
Panel 3:
Eleanor leaves her room
Panel 4:
Eleanor standing outside her room. No one is visible
Page 31:
Panel 1:
Eleanor looking worried
Eleanor: Hello, Anybody here?
Eleanor thinking: where is everyone
Panel 2:
Eleanor remembers Persephone mentioning the Followers of the demon king (Page 29- Panel 2)
Panel 3:
Eleanor looks really worried
Eleanor thinking: I need to find Sis
Panel 4:
Eleanor ran though the hallway
Panel 5:
Eleanor opens a door. Eleanor looking nervous
Eleanor: Sis you in here … something …..
Page 32:
Panel 1:
Persephone's bedroom (smaller than Eleanor's room) Eleanor standing in the doorway
Looking at Persephone and the noble that Eleanor danced with. The noble has a dagger in his hand.
Eleanor: doesn't feel right
Panel 2:
The noble head turns to face Eleanor smiling
Noble: Eleanor … I’m
Panel 3:
Persephone grabs the noble hand
Panel 4:
The noble turns to face Persephone with shock on this face
Page 33:
Panel 1:
The noble dagger is in his heart. This hand is still holding the dagger with Persephone's hand holdings his. Fast move action around the dagger as Persephone casts magic to help stab the noble.
Persephone Shouting: Swift wind
Panel 2:
Persephone runs to Eleanor. The noble body falling over. Persephone has the dagger in her hand.
Panel 3:
Persephone hugs Eleanor. Eleanor looks in shock
Persephone: thank the gods you're safe.
Eleanor: Sis … wh…ats (gulp) Whats ..going.. On
Page 34:
Panel 1:
Persephone looks Eleanor in the eyes Eleanor still looking at the body
Persephone: I need you to listen
Persephone Shouting: Eleanor, Eleanor
Panel 2:
Eleanor looking Persephone Eleanor looking pale
Eleanor: Ye.. Yes Sis
Persephone: We don’t have much time I need you to listen.
Panel 3:
Persephone: General Judes has staged a coup,
Panel 4:
Persephone looks at the floor
Persephone: Mother and father are dead and we are next.
Panel 5:
Eleanor shaking in disbelief. She looks scared and pale
Eleanor: Dead - No it can’t be.
Eleanor shouting: That can’t be true
Page 35:
Panel 1:
Persephone looks Eleanor in the eyes again
Persephone: We have to get out of here now.
Panel 2:
Persephone hands the knife over to Eleanor
Panel 3:
Eleanor pushes the knife away
Eleanor: I .. I can’t
Panel 4:
Eleanor looks at the body again
Eleanor: That was the guy I danced with
Panel 5:
Persephone also looks at the body
Persephone: He was going to kill you but he mistook me for you
Page 36:
Panel 1:
Eleanor: But .. Why would he want..
Persephone: … are you forgetting that you're next inline for the throne
Panel 2:
Heavy Footsteps can be heard rushing towards them in the hallway
Panel 3:
Persephone hands the knife over to Eleanor again
Persephone: Please take it. It will make me feel better
Panel 4:
Eleanor grabs the knife but is unsure how to hold it effectively
Eleanor: Ok but what will you use
Page 37:
Panel 1:
As Eleanor takes the knife she cut Persephone
Eleanor: Sis are you hurt
Panel 2:
Persephone Smiles at Eleanor
Persephone: I'm fine, it's just a scratch
Panel 3:
Persephone pick up her sword in the corner of the room
Persephone: Anyway, I’ll be using my good friend here
Panel 4:
The door burst open with several armed knights now in the doorway.
Page 37:
Panel 1:
Eleanor turns to face the knight. She looks terrified while holding her knife behind her is Persephone wielding a sword.
Eleanor: Sis help
Persephone Shouting: Swift wind
Panel 2:
Persephone darting towards Eleanor
Panel 3.
Eleanor lying on the floor. Persephone is on top of her. Her sword piercing Eleanor's stomach.
Eleanor has tears running in her eyes and is screaming in pain
Eleanor: AHHHHHHHH
Page 38:
Panel 1:
Persephone looks glad and relieved
Persephone: Guards help before she escapes
Panel 2:
Eleanor trying to speak
Eleanor: Sis, Wh ..
Panel 3:
Persephone twists the sword as Eleanor tries to speak
Eleanor screaming in pain
Eleanor: AHHHHH
Panel 4:
The guards take away the knife off Eleanor while Persephone and the General look at each other. The General is standing over Eleanor and Persephone, Persephone and the ranked guard have a smile on their face.
General: Thank the gods we were in time to help my queen
In a large colosseum
Takes up a full page
Eleanor's face crying out in pain while several images are around her face.
These images are her perspective of her being attacked. E.g. Getting hit by a mace.
Mage casting fireball..
Eleanor: AHHHH , Someone save me. Help me
Page 2:
large bedroom with en-suite bathroom. Early morning (3.30am) Arthur and Camilla are sleeping
Panel 1:
Arthur suddenly wakes up from his sleep. He’s drench in sweat from the dream he just had.
Arthur: Gasp (heavy breathing)
Panel 2:
Arthur is rushing out of bed coving his mouth
Panel 3:
Arthur entering the en-suite bathroom.
Panel 4:
Leaning over a sink throwing up
Arthur: Blech
Panel 5:
Looking at the bathroom mirror. Face wet from the sweat.
Arthur: Gasp (heavy breathing)
Page 3:
Panel 1:
Arthur back in the bedroom and is getting dressed.
Camilla looking slightly awake sitting up
Arthur: Sorry for waking you.
Camilla: Come back to bed.
Arthur: I’m sorry but I can’t I’ve got work to do
Panel 2:
Camilla looking at the clock. While Arthur does up his jacket.
Camilla: What work, It's half three in the morning
Arthur: Their something important that needs doing
Panel 3:
Arthur heads over to Camilla
Arthur: I should be free around dinner time if you wish to join me.
Camilla: Fine, Just don’t be late
Panel 4:
Arthur leans into camilla to kiss her on the forehead
Panel 5:
Camilla: Pushes him away
Page 5:
Panel 1:
Camilla Making an EWW face while Arthur stands over the bed
Camilla: EWW Your breath sticks. Have a mint or something
Panel 2:
Arthur opens the bedroom door to leave the room
Panel 3:
As Arthur about to leave the room, he turns to camilla. Who is now fast asleep again
Arthur Thinking: atleast I don’t keep her up for long
Panel 4:
Suddenly Arthur's face is pale as he can hear screaming
Eleanor: AHHHH
Page 6:
Panel 1:
Arthur is now in a hallway with 4 rooms on the left side. The Right side has several windows and plant pots. Two guards in power armour are at each end of the hallway. Seeing Arthur the guards stand at attention
Arthur Thinking: Her screaming getting worst.
Panel 2:
Arthur power walks through the hallway 2 of the guards are now following him. Outside of the window you can see a sci city
Panel 3:
Arthur Yarwing
Arthur thinking: I really need a coffee
Panel 4:
Arthur breaths into his hand
Arthur thinking: And some mints.
Page 7:
Panel 1:
Arthur is now in a small room with no windows and only one door. In the room their is a table with a chess board. Arthur and a hooded figure are sitting at the table playing chess
Panel 2:
Arthur head in this hands
Arthur : I can still help hear crys for help even now
Figure: Check
Panel 3:
The Figure looks up at Arthur while Arthur head still in his hands.
Figure: I can save her, you just merely just need to ask.
Panel 4:
A knock at the door
Panel 5:
A maid with a trolly enters the room
Page 8:
Panel 1:
The maid is handing over the coffee to Arthur
Maid: Your Coffee and mints your grace
Arthur: That will be all, Thank you
Panel 2:
The maid bows to the Arthur as he picks up the coffee
Panel 3:
The maid leaves the room however the hooded figure is not their
Maid thinking: Is the king talking to himself again
Panel 4:
Arthur sips the coffee
Page 9:
Panel 1:
Flashes the screaming Eleanor being hit with a fireBall
Eleanor: AHHHHHH, Someone save me.. Please
Panel 2:
Arthur turns to the side and throws up
Arthur: Blech
Panel 3:
Arthur hand on his heart while catching this breath
Arthur: Gasp (heavy breathing)
Page 10:
Panel 1:
Arthur facing the figure
Arthur: Please… Please save her
Panel 2:
The Figure has a creepy smile on his face. No other features can be seen
Figure: Seeing as you asked so nicely
Panel 3:
The figure snaps his fingers
Page 11:
Panel 1:
Birdeye view of the room - A large throne room full of nobles.
Panel 2:
Four girls chatting. Including Eleanor
Noble 1: How is your sister doing? I heard that she defeated the demon king.
Noble 2: I heard that most of her party got killed.
Panel 3:
Eleanor looks a little worried with the news of her sister losing her friends
Eleanor: She doing well… At least that's what she told me in her letters
Panel 4:
Eleanor looks a bit down as her sister is not here
Eleanor: I was hoping she would arrive back in time for tonight.
Noble 3: It's a real shame that she is missing her birthday
Panel 5:
Eleanor looks hopeful
Eleanor: I'm sure father will arrange something special for her
Page 12
Panel 1:
The king is tapping this glass with a fork to get the guess attention
Eleanor is waving bye to her friends as she walking off
Eleanor That is my queue to go, Chat soon
Panel 2:
Eleanor is standing next to the king and queen. The whole room is watching them
King: I would like to start by thanking everyone for coming here tonight to celebrate. We have had a tough couple of years with the demon king pillaging our land but i'm happy to say that those years are behind us
Panel 4:
King: But i'm happy to announce that those years are behind us, As the demon king was slain just the other day, by the royal hero herself. By beloved daughter no less
Panel 5:
Raising His glass
King: Lets all raise a glass to the fallen, to the hero and to the future
Page 13:
Panel 1:
The crowd raising their glasses in celebration
Panel 2:
King: Sadly Persephone is still on her way home so can’t make it tonight but.
Panel 3:
Eleanor is blushing.The kings arms are showing her off
King: my eldest daughter Eleanor is here celebrating her 18th birthday
Panel 4:
The king Gesturing to the ground with his arms
King: So which young nobleman would like to take my daughters hand for the first dance of the night?
Page 14:
Panel 1:
A young noble steps forward
Panel 2:
The noble bows to Eleanor while offering his hand for a dance.
Noble: May I have the pleasure of having the first dance.
Panel 3:
Eleanor Smiles and takes the guys hand
Eleanor: You may
Panel 4:
The two of the head to the center of the hall
Page 15:
Panel 1:
The crowd has crowed around them
Panel 2:
The two of them are dancing
Panel 3:
Eleanor and the noble are smiling while dancing
Page 16:
Panel 1:
Eleanor and the noble are spinning (dancing). Eleanor sees a maid chatting with the king and Queen
Panel 2:
The maid with the king and queen leave the room
Panel 3:
Close up on the king and queens face. They look annoyed
Panel 4:
Eleanor looks a bit concerned
Eleanor Thinking: I hope nothing wrong
Page 17:
Panel 1:
Its the next morning the king and queen are having breakfast. Eleanor enters the room yarwing. The king and queen are chatting about last night.
Queen: I can’t believe the nerve of her…
Eleanor: Morrnning
Panel 2:
The king and queen quickly stop their conversation.
King: Morning dear, did you sleep well last night?
Queen: Morning, Please join us
Panel 3:
Eleanor is curious about what she just overheard. Eleanor walking to the table
Eleanor: I sleep great thanks, what were you two talking about.?
Panel 4:
Eleanor now sitting down. Passing over a fruit bowl to Eleanor
Queen: It’s nothing dear. Here have some fruit
Eleanor: Thank you, Mother.
Page 18:
Panel 1:
Persephone enters the room Smiling
Persephone: Good morning
Panel 2:
The king and queen look displeased
Panel 3:
Eleanor looks overwhelmed with happiness
Eleanor: Sis, when did you get back?
Page 19:
Panel 1:
Eleanor is Hugging Persephone but Persephone not hugging her back
Persephone: I got back late last night.
Eleanor: I missed you so much
Panel 2:
Persephone now hugging Eleanor her face looks like is pressing her anger
Persephone: I missed you too, Sorry I missed last night.
Panel 3:
Persephone and Eleanor are now looking at each other. Both girls are smiling
Persephone: You go to tell me everything that happened
Page 20:
Panel 1:
The king, queen and Persephone, and Eleanor are sitting around the table. Empty food plates are in front of each of them. Eleanor has her arms out wide
Eleanor: and you should have seen the cake it was huge. I saved you a slice as well.
Queen: It's your favorite.. Chocolate.
Panel 2:
Persephone hiding her anger behind a smile.
Persephone: It sounds like a wonderful evening, I'm really a shame that I missed it
Panel 3:
The king looking displeased
King: well it can’t be helped. Just be sure to come to make it to the next one.
Panel 4:
Persephone looks annoyed
Persephone: Sorry father, Next time I will ask the demon king to rearrange this invasion.
Page 21:
Panel 1:
The king is angry
King: Don’t get lippy with me, young lady. You might be a hero but you're still my daughter. You have an duty to attend these events
Panel 2:
The Queen is looking displeased
Queen: Why can’t you be like your sister.
Panel 3:
Persephone slams the table
Persephone: I'm sorry, I'm not the daughter you wanted.
Page 22:
Panel 1:
Eleanor looks upset
Eleanor: Stop this. Please stop fighting why can’t we all get along for once.
Panel 2:
The king and queen look stunned by Eleanor's action
King: Yes you're quite right
Queen: Persephone apologize at once to your sister
Panel 3:
Persephone still annoyed
Persephone: Sorry
Panel 4:
The king passing his cup over the table
King: Persephone mind grabbing me some water
Queen: Make that two dear
Page 23:
Panel 1:
Persephone is pissed off
Persephone: We have servants to do that,
Panel 2:
The king with a serious face:
King: I asked you to do it. Or would you prefer a command?
Panel 3:
Persephone is still annoyed but has a fake smile on her face
Persephone sarcastically: Certainly farther,
Persephone: Eleanor what one as well?
Panel 4:
Eleanor smiling and waving her hands no
Eleanor: I'm good thank you
Page 24:
Panel 1:
Persephone pouring a drink
Eleanor facing her mum and dad and they are facing her
Eleanor: Could you two be nice please it been its been too long since we have all been together
Queen: Your right dear
King: I guess I have been a bit hard
Panel 2:
Hand passing a cup
Persephone: your drinks
Page 25:
Panel 1:
They are all sitting around the table
Eleanor: Oh I know, let's have toast
Panel 2:
Eleanor raising her cup
Eleanor: To all being reunited again at last, and to you sis for saving the world,
Panel 3:
The king and queen are about to drink
Eleanor: Oh and to good health
Panel 4:
Persephone smiling and looking at Eleanor
Persephone: your speech still needs work
Panel 5:
Eleanor smiling back at Persephone
Eleanor: it wasn’t that bad was it. What do you think father?
Page 26:
Panel 1:
Eleanor smiling face turning to face the king
Panel 2:
Eleanor's face looks shocked, small blood splatter on her cheek
Panel 3:
Eleanor looks worried, Screaming
Eleanor: mother father
Page 27:
Panel 1:
The king and queen are facing both Eleanor and Persephone The faces are coved in blood
Blood is coming out of their eyes and mouth
Panel 2:
A small panel showing the cup of water being spilled over
Page 28:
Panel 1:
Eleanor is sitting in a hallway opposite a door. Outside the door are 2 guards.
Eleanor's head is in her hands the moon can be seen in the sky from the window
Panel 2:
Close up on Eleanor sitting down
Eleanor thinking: Why.. why is this happening. Everything was meant to be back to how it was.
Panel 3:
Persephone leaving the room
Panel 4:
Persephone sits next to Eleanor
Panel 5:
Persephone's arm around Eleanor
Persephone: I’ve used healing magic to try and help with the pain. But it's not working against the poison.
Page 29:
Panel 1:
Eleanor looking at Persephone tears are running down her face
Eleanor: Why.. Why is this happening sis
Panel 2:
Persephone: Followers of the demon king are probably behind this
Panel 3:
Eleanor looks worried, Persephone now hugging Eleanor
Panel 4:
Persephone: Don’t worry I will protect you, I won’t let anything happen to you, I promise
Panel 5:
The magic spell is behind Eleanor's head.
Persephone: This will help you sleep
Page 30:
Panel 1:
Eleanor bedroom
Eleanor wakes up in her Bed (springing forward)
Panel 2:
Eleanor's hand on her head
Eleanor Thinking: Aww My head is pounding
Panel 3:
Eleanor leaves her room
Panel 4:
Eleanor standing outside her room. No one is visible
Page 31:
Panel 1:
Eleanor looking worried
Eleanor: Hello, Anybody here?
Eleanor thinking: where is everyone
Panel 2:
Eleanor remembers Persephone mentioning the Followers of the demon king (Page 29- Panel 2)
Panel 3:
Eleanor looks really worried
Eleanor thinking: I need to find Sis
Panel 4:
Eleanor ran though the hallway
Panel 5:
Eleanor opens a door. Eleanor looking nervous
Eleanor: Sis you in here … something …..
Page 32:
Panel 1:
Persephone's bedroom (smaller than Eleanor's room) Eleanor standing in the doorway
Looking at Persephone and the noble that Eleanor danced with. The noble has a dagger in his hand.
Eleanor: doesn't feel right
Panel 2:
The noble head turns to face Eleanor smiling
Noble: Eleanor … I’m
Panel 3:
Persephone grabs the noble hand
Panel 4:
The noble turns to face Persephone with shock on this face
Page 33:
Panel 1:
The noble dagger is in his heart. This hand is still holding the dagger with Persephone's hand holdings his. Fast move action around the dagger as Persephone casts magic to help stab the noble.
Persephone Shouting: Swift wind
Panel 2:
Persephone runs to Eleanor. The noble body falling over. Persephone has the dagger in her hand.
Panel 3:
Persephone hugs Eleanor. Eleanor looks in shock
Persephone: thank the gods you're safe.
Eleanor: Sis … wh…ats (gulp) Whats ..going.. On
Page 34:
Panel 1:
Persephone looks Eleanor in the eyes Eleanor still looking at the body
Persephone: I need you to listen
Persephone Shouting: Eleanor, Eleanor
Panel 2:
Eleanor looking Persephone Eleanor looking pale
Eleanor: Ye.. Yes Sis
Persephone: We don’t have much time I need you to listen.
Panel 3:
Persephone: General Judes has staged a coup,
Panel 4:
Persephone looks at the floor
Persephone: Mother and father are dead and we are next.
Panel 5:
Eleanor shaking in disbelief. She looks scared and pale
Eleanor: Dead - No it can’t be.
Eleanor shouting: That can’t be true
Page 35:
Panel 1:
Persephone looks Eleanor in the eyes again
Persephone: We have to get out of here now.
Panel 2:
Persephone hands the knife over to Eleanor
Panel 3:
Eleanor pushes the knife away
Eleanor: I .. I can’t
Panel 4:
Eleanor looks at the body again
Eleanor: That was the guy I danced with
Panel 5:
Persephone also looks at the body
Persephone: He was going to kill you but he mistook me for you
Page 36:
Panel 1:
Eleanor: But .. Why would he want..
Persephone: … are you forgetting that you're next inline for the throne
Panel 2:
Heavy Footsteps can be heard rushing towards them in the hallway
Panel 3:
Persephone hands the knife over to Eleanor again
Persephone: Please take it. It will make me feel better
Panel 4:
Eleanor grabs the knife but is unsure how to hold it effectively
Eleanor: Ok but what will you use
Page 37:
Panel 1:
As Eleanor takes the knife she cut Persephone
Eleanor: Sis are you hurt
Panel 2:
Persephone Smiles at Eleanor
Persephone: I'm fine, it's just a scratch
Panel 3:
Persephone pick up her sword in the corner of the room
Persephone: Anyway, I’ll be using my good friend here
Panel 4:
The door burst open with several armed knights now in the doorway.
Page 37:
Panel 1:
Eleanor turns to face the knight. She looks terrified while holding her knife behind her is Persephone wielding a sword.
Eleanor: Sis help
Persephone Shouting: Swift wind
Panel 2:
Persephone darting towards Eleanor
Panel 3.
Eleanor lying on the floor. Persephone is on top of her. Her sword piercing Eleanor's stomach.
Eleanor has tears running in her eyes and is screaming in pain
Eleanor: AHHHHHHHH
Page 38:
Panel 1:
Persephone looks glad and relieved
Persephone: Guards help before she escapes
Panel 2:
Eleanor trying to speak
Eleanor: Sis, Wh ..
Panel 3:
Persephone twists the sword as Eleanor tries to speak
Eleanor screaming in pain
Eleanor: AHHHHH
Panel 4:
The guards take away the knife off Eleanor while Persephone and the General look at each other. The General is standing over Eleanor and Persephone, Persephone and the ranked guard have a smile on their face.
General: Thank the gods we were in time to help my queen
Chapter 2, Script Draft 1
Spoiler
Page 1:
Panel 1:
Eleanor is dressed in a prison rag and is tied up in a dungeon
Eleanor (thinking): Why, Sis why you doing this
Panel 2:
Eleanor: Someone please help me
Panel 3:
Two guards enter the room
Guard - No one going too save a traitous slut like yourself
Guard 2 - Anyway its time for execution
Panel 4:
Eleanor looking terrified
Eleanor: My execution
Page 2:
Panel 1:
Guard punching Eleanor in the stomach
Guard: You deaf whore… You are guilty of treason
Panel 2:
Eleanor with tears down her face
Eleanor:No that can’t b…
Panel 3: .
The guard punches Eleanor again
Panel 4:
Eleanor has a pillor around her hands and 2 chains around her neck. Each guard is carrying a chain
Page 3:
Eleanor is in an arch way of a huge colosseum
With a crowd shouting.
Crowd : Traitor, Murder, Kill the traitor,
Page 4:
Panel 1:
Eleanor being draged to the middle of the colosseum
Stones can be seen being thrown at Eleanor
Eleanor is crying
Panel 2:
Eleanor see's here sister in the middle of the colosseum
Eleanor: Sis pleas hel…
Panel 3:
A stone hit Eleanor in the eye causing it to bleed
Eleanor is screaming out in pain AHHHHHH
Eleanor: AHHHHHH
Panel 4:
Eleanor is forced too kneel infront of Persephone.
Persephone raises an hand gesting for the crowd to be silent
Panel 5:
A magic circle appear's infont of Persephone and around Eleanor's neck
Page 5:
Panel 1:
Eleanor is squirming in pain covering he eye the best she can
Persephone: I Queen Persephone II am shocked by my treasonous sister act, The murder of our Father and mother, Your King and Queen, as well as Duke Richard.
Panel 2:
The crowd start shouting
Crowd: Kill the traitor
Persephone: Even so I still see sister I loved and care for. If she confesses and repent for her sins I will show mercy on her
Panel 3:
Persephone looks at Eleanor who is pale with fear
Persephone: So sister what will it be. Mercy or …
Panel 4:
Eleanor no longer has the silent spell around her neck
Persephone leans into Eleanor's ear
Eleanor: Sis please, Why you doing this. I love you
Panel 5:
Persephone looks furious
Persephone:’ WHY WHY
Page 6:
Panel 1:
Persephone stops herself from getting carryed away (Hand over mouth)
Persephone: If you don’t confess I will make you suffer after all we our above the Pit. I'm sure those criminal will love to have you
Panel 2:
Eleanor images her in the pit
Panel 3:
Eleanor crying.
Eleanor : Please sis. I don’t want to die
Panel 4:
Persephone : If you confess, I promice you will not be sentenced to death
Eleanor thinking: What do I do. I don’t want to die
Panel 5:
Persephone: 10, 9…
Page 7:
Panel 1:
The look of panic washes over Eleanor face
Panel 2:
The crowd are shouting:
Crowd: Kill the traitor, Burn her alive
Eleanor thiniking: I don’t want to die
Persephone: 2,1
Panel 3:
Eleanor whisping: I did it.
Persephone: Louder Louder so the everyone can hear
Panel 4:
Magic is infont of Eleanor, tears running down Eleanor's face
Eleanor: I did it. I killed my mother and father,
Please sister show mercy You promised
Panel 5:
Persephone has a sadistic smile while snapping her fingurs
Persephone: Unlike you I keep my promises
Page 8:
Panel 1
A Giant slug is being dragged from the gate
Panel 2:
Eleanor face looks confused
Panel 3:
Persephone: And for your punishment, I will grant you the wonderful life of being a living training dummy. You will be aloud to eat once a week from the sewage waste. I would say this is a fitting end for someone who only takes from the kindom. Now Its time to give back
Panel 4:
Eleanor face is pale
Eleanor but you said I would be shown mercy
Page 9:
Panel 1:
Persephone Laughing
Persephone: I promised you that you wouldn't be sentence to death
Panel 2:
Persephone Cast a spell on the slug and Eleanor
Eleanor crys out in pain
Persephone: Soul Exchange
Eleanor: AHHHH
Panel 3:
Persephone pointing to her old body
Persephone: Dump her old body in the pit I have no need for it
Panel 4:
The guards drag her old body away. Persephone casting a spell on Eleanor slug body
Persephone: Life regen
Persephone: Nealy forgot about this spell, nnd as promise you won’t die
Page 10:
Panel 1:
Persephone rasing both her arms
Persephone: Now lets the Coronation games begin
Panel 2:
The crowd cheer A group of gladiators line up
crowd: Long Live the queen Long live the Hero
Panel 3:
Persephone: First off lets have the contestidents show us their strengh on our new target
Panel 4:
Eleanor Half slug face half normal face. Her nomal face has tears running while nothing shows on the slug face.
Eleanor Thinking: Help me please ,someone please
Page 11:
Panel 1:
Chapter 1 Page 1 panel 1 is shown
Panel 2:
A light racing through space
Page 12:
Panel 1:
Suddenly Eleanor teleported to a room. Eleanor is panicking. She is naked.
Eleanor: AHHHHHHH
Eleanor: Someone save me Please
Panel 2:
Eleanor looks at her hands starts realise that she is no longer a slug and that her cuts have healed
Panel 3:
Eleanor is hugged behind by a priestess (Illyria) The hug is also adding a white rob coving Eleanor
Illyria carming voice: Don't worry your safe
Panel 4:
Eleanor Looks that the priestess (Illyria), Illyria smiles carming at Eleanor
Illyria: The hero can’t hurt you here.
Page 13:
Panel 1:
Illyria is sitting next to Eleanor. Holding both of Eleanor's hands
Illyria: I’m Illyria, What's your name?
Eleanor still catching her breath: El.. I'm Eleanor. Am I dead?
Panel 2:
Illyria waving her hands
Illyria: Oh no-no-no. You are still very much alive
Panel 3:
Eleanor signs a breath of relief
Panel 4:
Illyria looked pleased.
Illyria - The King heard your cries for help. So he saved you. Just like he saved me. Isn’t that nice of him
Panel 5:
Eleanor looks confused
Eleanor: Saved you?
Page 14:
Panel 1:
Illyria nods while standing up holding both of Eleanor's hands again to help her stand.
Illyria: I’m just like you, a victim of a hero. This place is a sanctuary for people like us.
Eleanor: So where i?
Panel 2:
Both girls are walking towards a window Illyria and Eleanor are looking at each other
Illyria: This is a lot to take in but you have been teleported to another world.
Eleanor: Another world?
Panel 3:
Illyria thinking
Illyria: That's not even the hard bit. This world hmm how to put it. It's very different from the one you're used to.
Eleanor: different how?
Panel 4:
Illyria opened the curtain to the window
Illyria: it will be easier for you to see for yourself
Panel 5:
Eleanor's face is in awe with what she seeing
City reflection in her eye
Page 15:
Panel 1:
A huge sci-fi city with towering buildings with tinted glass. Flying cars, Billboards etc
Illyria: The world is far more advanced than what we are used to
Page 16:
Panel 1:
Eleanor's face is in awe. Illyria standing next to her with an arm behind her to support her in case she faints
Illyria: The world is far more advanced than what we are used to
Panel 2:
Illyria looking at Eleanor's face, Eleanor still looking at the city
Illyria: Come let's get you dressed and grab some breakfast
Panel 3:
Eleanor and Illyria are on a balcony. Eleanor leaning on the banister while Illyria sitting down.
Eleanor is wearing a dress. The table has empty bowls of fruit. “ guards are present
Page 17:
Panel 1:
Illyria holding a cup of coffee.
Illyria - I still remember the 1st time I saw this place it truly is amazing is isn't it.
Panel 2:
Eleanor turns her head towards Illyria
Eleanor: Yeah it's breathtaking, What was your world like?
Panel 3:
Illyria holding a cup of coffee still
Illyria: Probably similar to yours. Beautiful then the demon king attacked. Then shortly after we defeated him, A hero in my world became corrupt. He became worst than the demon king that we fought.
Panel 4:
Illyria has fear in her eye and is trembling slightly. The background becomes dark
Illyria: He.. he
Page 18:
Panel 1:
Eleanor holding Illyria's hands
Eleanor: I understand.
Panel 2:
Eleanor smiling at Illyria to reassure her
Panel 3:
Eleanor now sitting next to Illyria
Eleanor: what's the king like?
Panel 4:
Illyria thinking
Illyria: He’s and kind and just ruler…
Panel 5:
Illyria smiling while nudging Eleanor
Illyria: .. and he cute.
Page 19:
Panel 1:
Illyria: has a serious face
Illyria: and best of all he made this world safe haven for us
Panel 2:
Illyria looking a bit upset:
Illyria: He’s sadly a little busy today so I will show you around if that sounds good to you
Panel 3:
Eleanor: That sounds nice, but are you positive my sister won’t find me here?
Panel 4:
Illyria's hand on her heart
Illyria: I promise she won’t find you. As far as I’m aware not a single hero has ever existed in this world
Panel 5:
Illyria pointing
Illyria: Plus look that them
Page 20:
Panel 1:
Illyria's hand pointing at a guard
Guard: Fear not princess, As long as I have breath no harm will come to you
Illyria: See nothing to fear.
Panel 2:
Illyria stands up while taking Eleanor's hand while walking to the balcony
Illyria: Come I want to show you something
Panel 3:
Illyria and Eleanor at standing at the balcony looking at the city.
Illyria: See that
Page 20:
Panel 1:
Illyria's hand pointing at a stone building in the city, Eleanor looks confused and Illyria signing
Illyria: That's the Imperial Museum
Illyria: it's a building housing all the history of this place. I recommend heading there once you have time
Panel 2:
Illyria's hand pointing at a Tokyo/ Eiffel tower building
Illyria: Over there is the Imperial Tower. It's a great way to see the city. If we have time we can visit if you like?
Panel 3:
Precious panel but with Eleanor's face looking pleased and Illyria's face
Eleanor: Really, That would be amazing
Illyria: Of cause, we can. If not today tomorrow
Panel 4:
Illyria pointing at a grand cathedral
Illyria: And lastly over there is the grand cathedral
Page 21:
Panel 1:
Illyria proudly
Illyria: If you ever need me I’ll likely be there, After all, I am the High stainless
Panel 2:
Eleanor looking hopeful
Eleanor: Would it be ok to visit?
Panel 3:
Illyria's face lights up
Illyria: Of cause. We can go at once if you like.
Panel 4:
Illyria proudly
Illyria: I had a feeling you would be a follower of god
Page 22:
Panel 1:
Eleanor: Yeah if we can. I’ll like to pray to the gods
Panel 2:
Illyria's smile leaves her face
Illyria: Their only one god here
Panel 3:
Illyria looks serious
Illyria: The creator, the god of everything, Life, death, Heaven, Hell
Panel 4:
Eleanor looks like she pleading with Illyria
Eleanor: But..
Panel 5:
Illyria puts her finger on Eleanor's lips cuting Eleanor's speech
Page 23:
Panel 1:
Illyria is still serious but understanding
Illyria: Look, I understand how you feel, But in this world worshipping gods is a sign of heresy.
Panel 2:
Illyria has a strict face
Illyria: Be grateful that these guards are understanding, Anyone else overhearing you mention gods will burn you alive.
Panel 3:
Eleanor looks sad
Eleanor: I'm sorry I just want to pray to my mother and father and let them know that I'm ok.
Panel 4:
Illyria hugging Eleanor but still looking at her face
Illyria: I understand, I have a private room, that I use to pray to the gods of my world. You can use that
Panel 4:
Eleanor looks relived
Eleanor: that would be great thank you
Page 24:
Panel 1:
Illyria no longer hugging Eleanor. Illyria looks happy
Illyria: Perfect then let's get ready and head out
Panel 2:
Eleanor looks worried
Eleanor: I don’t know if I'm ready to leave, what if something happens
Panel 3:
Illyria looks disappointed at Eleanor
Illyria: Trust me bad nothing will happen, we will be going to the 2nd safest place in the empire
Panel 4:
Illyria points to the guards
Illyria: Plus we will have these guys with us the whole time
Panel 5:
Illyria holding Eleanor's hand as if she is begging
Illyria: And you did want to pray, after all, I’ll even pray with you if you like
Page 25:
Panel 1:
Eleanor still looks a bit worried
Eleanor: Ok but only for a bit ok
Panel 2::
Illyria is happy
Illyria: Perfect, then let's go
Panel 3:
Illyria looks at the guards
Guard: The security detail will be ready in 20 mins princess.
Panel 4:
Illyria smiling at Eleanor while taking Eleanor's hand. As they are walking back into the palace
Illyria: Wonderful, I can see us being best of friend
Page 26:
Panel 1:
A phone starts ringing.
Panel 2:
An old priest picks up the phone. A voice comes from the phone.
Phone: Everything is set for the saint priestess. This will be your only chance. Best of luck.
Panel 3:
The phone goes dead. Old priest puts the phone down
Panel 4:
The priest starts smiling
Page 27:
Panel 1:
The priest has his arms out in an embrace stance front of him are several other priests and priestess
Priest: Brothers, Sisters, The time has come for us to send this heretic back to her hell and retake are positions that she stole.
Panel 2:
Priest: In the name of the creator. We cleanse the church of her corruption.
Priest and priestess: Latom
Panel 1:
Eleanor is dressed in a prison rag and is tied up in a dungeon
Eleanor (thinking): Why, Sis why you doing this
Panel 2:
Eleanor: Someone please help me
Panel 3:
Two guards enter the room
Guard - No one going too save a traitous slut like yourself
Guard 2 - Anyway its time for execution
Panel 4:
Eleanor looking terrified
Eleanor: My execution
Page 2:
Panel 1:
Guard punching Eleanor in the stomach
Guard: You deaf whore… You are guilty of treason
Panel 2:
Eleanor with tears down her face
Eleanor:No that can’t b…
Panel 3: .
The guard punches Eleanor again
Panel 4:
Eleanor has a pillor around her hands and 2 chains around her neck. Each guard is carrying a chain
Page 3:
Eleanor is in an arch way of a huge colosseum
With a crowd shouting.
Crowd : Traitor, Murder, Kill the traitor,
Page 4:
Panel 1:
Eleanor being draged to the middle of the colosseum
Stones can be seen being thrown at Eleanor
Eleanor is crying
Panel 2:
Eleanor see's here sister in the middle of the colosseum
Eleanor: Sis pleas hel…
Panel 3:
A stone hit Eleanor in the eye causing it to bleed
Eleanor is screaming out in pain AHHHHHH
Eleanor: AHHHHHH
Panel 4:
Eleanor is forced too kneel infront of Persephone.
Persephone raises an hand gesting for the crowd to be silent
Panel 5:
A magic circle appear's infont of Persephone and around Eleanor's neck
Page 5:
Panel 1:
Eleanor is squirming in pain covering he eye the best she can
Persephone: I Queen Persephone II am shocked by my treasonous sister act, The murder of our Father and mother, Your King and Queen, as well as Duke Richard.
Panel 2:
The crowd start shouting
Crowd: Kill the traitor
Persephone: Even so I still see sister I loved and care for. If she confesses and repent for her sins I will show mercy on her
Panel 3:
Persephone looks at Eleanor who is pale with fear
Persephone: So sister what will it be. Mercy or …
Panel 4:
Eleanor no longer has the silent spell around her neck
Persephone leans into Eleanor's ear
Eleanor: Sis please, Why you doing this. I love you
Panel 5:
Persephone looks furious
Persephone:’ WHY WHY
Page 6:
Panel 1:
Persephone stops herself from getting carryed away (Hand over mouth)
Persephone: If you don’t confess I will make you suffer after all we our above the Pit. I'm sure those criminal will love to have you
Panel 2:
Eleanor images her in the pit
Panel 3:
Eleanor crying.
Eleanor : Please sis. I don’t want to die
Panel 4:
Persephone : If you confess, I promice you will not be sentenced to death
Eleanor thinking: What do I do. I don’t want to die
Panel 5:
Persephone: 10, 9…
Page 7:
Panel 1:
The look of panic washes over Eleanor face
Panel 2:
The crowd are shouting:
Crowd: Kill the traitor, Burn her alive
Eleanor thiniking: I don’t want to die
Persephone: 2,1
Panel 3:
Eleanor whisping: I did it.
Persephone: Louder Louder so the everyone can hear
Panel 4:
Magic is infont of Eleanor, tears running down Eleanor's face
Eleanor: I did it. I killed my mother and father,
Please sister show mercy You promised
Panel 5:
Persephone has a sadistic smile while snapping her fingurs
Persephone: Unlike you I keep my promises
Page 8:
Panel 1
A Giant slug is being dragged from the gate
Panel 2:
Eleanor face looks confused
Panel 3:
Persephone: And for your punishment, I will grant you the wonderful life of being a living training dummy. You will be aloud to eat once a week from the sewage waste. I would say this is a fitting end for someone who only takes from the kindom. Now Its time to give back
Panel 4:
Eleanor face is pale
Eleanor but you said I would be shown mercy
Page 9:
Panel 1:
Persephone Laughing
Persephone: I promised you that you wouldn't be sentence to death
Panel 2:
Persephone Cast a spell on the slug and Eleanor
Eleanor crys out in pain
Persephone: Soul Exchange
Eleanor: AHHHH
Panel 3:
Persephone pointing to her old body
Persephone: Dump her old body in the pit I have no need for it
Panel 4:
The guards drag her old body away. Persephone casting a spell on Eleanor slug body
Persephone: Life regen
Persephone: Nealy forgot about this spell, nnd as promise you won’t die
Page 10:
Panel 1:
Persephone rasing both her arms
Persephone: Now lets the Coronation games begin
Panel 2:
The crowd cheer A group of gladiators line up
crowd: Long Live the queen Long live the Hero
Panel 3:
Persephone: First off lets have the contestidents show us their strengh on our new target
Panel 4:
Eleanor Half slug face half normal face. Her nomal face has tears running while nothing shows on the slug face.
Eleanor Thinking: Help me please ,someone please
Page 11:
Panel 1:
Chapter 1 Page 1 panel 1 is shown
Panel 2:
A light racing through space
Page 12:
Panel 1:
Suddenly Eleanor teleported to a room. Eleanor is panicking. She is naked.
Eleanor: AHHHHHHH
Eleanor: Someone save me Please
Panel 2:
Eleanor looks at her hands starts realise that she is no longer a slug and that her cuts have healed
Panel 3:
Eleanor is hugged behind by a priestess (Illyria) The hug is also adding a white rob coving Eleanor
Illyria carming voice: Don't worry your safe
Panel 4:
Eleanor Looks that the priestess (Illyria), Illyria smiles carming at Eleanor
Illyria: The hero can’t hurt you here.
Page 13:
Panel 1:
Illyria is sitting next to Eleanor. Holding both of Eleanor's hands
Illyria: I’m Illyria, What's your name?
Eleanor still catching her breath: El.. I'm Eleanor. Am I dead?
Panel 2:
Illyria waving her hands
Illyria: Oh no-no-no. You are still very much alive
Panel 3:
Eleanor signs a breath of relief
Panel 4:
Illyria looked pleased.
Illyria - The King heard your cries for help. So he saved you. Just like he saved me. Isn’t that nice of him
Panel 5:
Eleanor looks confused
Eleanor: Saved you?
Page 14:
Panel 1:
Illyria nods while standing up holding both of Eleanor's hands again to help her stand.
Illyria: I’m just like you, a victim of a hero. This place is a sanctuary for people like us.
Eleanor: So where i?
Panel 2:
Both girls are walking towards a window Illyria and Eleanor are looking at each other
Illyria: This is a lot to take in but you have been teleported to another world.
Eleanor: Another world?
Panel 3:
Illyria thinking
Illyria: That's not even the hard bit. This world hmm how to put it. It's very different from the one you're used to.
Eleanor: different how?
Panel 4:
Illyria opened the curtain to the window
Illyria: it will be easier for you to see for yourself
Panel 5:
Eleanor's face is in awe with what she seeing
City reflection in her eye
Page 15:
Panel 1:
A huge sci-fi city with towering buildings with tinted glass. Flying cars, Billboards etc
Illyria: The world is far more advanced than what we are used to
Page 16:
Panel 1:
Eleanor's face is in awe. Illyria standing next to her with an arm behind her to support her in case she faints
Illyria: The world is far more advanced than what we are used to
Panel 2:
Illyria looking at Eleanor's face, Eleanor still looking at the city
Illyria: Come let's get you dressed and grab some breakfast
Panel 3:
Eleanor and Illyria are on a balcony. Eleanor leaning on the banister while Illyria sitting down.
Eleanor is wearing a dress. The table has empty bowls of fruit. “ guards are present
Page 17:
Panel 1:
Illyria holding a cup of coffee.
Illyria - I still remember the 1st time I saw this place it truly is amazing is isn't it.
Panel 2:
Eleanor turns her head towards Illyria
Eleanor: Yeah it's breathtaking, What was your world like?
Panel 3:
Illyria holding a cup of coffee still
Illyria: Probably similar to yours. Beautiful then the demon king attacked. Then shortly after we defeated him, A hero in my world became corrupt. He became worst than the demon king that we fought.
Panel 4:
Illyria has fear in her eye and is trembling slightly. The background becomes dark
Illyria: He.. he
Page 18:
Panel 1:
Eleanor holding Illyria's hands
Eleanor: I understand.
Panel 2:
Eleanor smiling at Illyria to reassure her
Panel 3:
Eleanor now sitting next to Illyria
Eleanor: what's the king like?
Panel 4:
Illyria thinking
Illyria: He’s and kind and just ruler…
Panel 5:
Illyria smiling while nudging Eleanor
Illyria: .. and he cute.
Page 19:
Panel 1:
Illyria: has a serious face
Illyria: and best of all he made this world safe haven for us
Panel 2:
Illyria looking a bit upset:
Illyria: He’s sadly a little busy today so I will show you around if that sounds good to you
Panel 3:
Eleanor: That sounds nice, but are you positive my sister won’t find me here?
Panel 4:
Illyria's hand on her heart
Illyria: I promise she won’t find you. As far as I’m aware not a single hero has ever existed in this world
Panel 5:
Illyria pointing
Illyria: Plus look that them
Page 20:
Panel 1:
Illyria's hand pointing at a guard
Guard: Fear not princess, As long as I have breath no harm will come to you
Illyria: See nothing to fear.
Panel 2:
Illyria stands up while taking Eleanor's hand while walking to the balcony
Illyria: Come I want to show you something
Panel 3:
Illyria and Eleanor at standing at the balcony looking at the city.
Illyria: See that
Page 20:
Panel 1:
Illyria's hand pointing at a stone building in the city, Eleanor looks confused and Illyria signing
Illyria: That's the Imperial Museum
Illyria: it's a building housing all the history of this place. I recommend heading there once you have time
Panel 2:
Illyria's hand pointing at a Tokyo/ Eiffel tower building
Illyria: Over there is the Imperial Tower. It's a great way to see the city. If we have time we can visit if you like?
Panel 3:
Precious panel but with Eleanor's face looking pleased and Illyria's face
Eleanor: Really, That would be amazing
Illyria: Of cause, we can. If not today tomorrow
Panel 4:
Illyria pointing at a grand cathedral
Illyria: And lastly over there is the grand cathedral
Page 21:
Panel 1:
Illyria proudly
Illyria: If you ever need me I’ll likely be there, After all, I am the High stainless
Panel 2:
Eleanor looking hopeful
Eleanor: Would it be ok to visit?
Panel 3:
Illyria's face lights up
Illyria: Of cause. We can go at once if you like.
Panel 4:
Illyria proudly
Illyria: I had a feeling you would be a follower of god
Page 22:
Panel 1:
Eleanor: Yeah if we can. I’ll like to pray to the gods
Panel 2:
Illyria's smile leaves her face
Illyria: Their only one god here
Panel 3:
Illyria looks serious
Illyria: The creator, the god of everything, Life, death, Heaven, Hell
Panel 4:
Eleanor looks like she pleading with Illyria
Eleanor: But..
Panel 5:
Illyria puts her finger on Eleanor's lips cuting Eleanor's speech
Page 23:
Panel 1:
Illyria is still serious but understanding
Illyria: Look, I understand how you feel, But in this world worshipping gods is a sign of heresy.
Panel 2:
Illyria has a strict face
Illyria: Be grateful that these guards are understanding, Anyone else overhearing you mention gods will burn you alive.
Panel 3:
Eleanor looks sad
Eleanor: I'm sorry I just want to pray to my mother and father and let them know that I'm ok.
Panel 4:
Illyria hugging Eleanor but still looking at her face
Illyria: I understand, I have a private room, that I use to pray to the gods of my world. You can use that
Panel 4:
Eleanor looks relived
Eleanor: that would be great thank you
Page 24:
Panel 1:
Illyria no longer hugging Eleanor. Illyria looks happy
Illyria: Perfect then let's get ready and head out
Panel 2:
Eleanor looks worried
Eleanor: I don’t know if I'm ready to leave, what if something happens
Panel 3:
Illyria looks disappointed at Eleanor
Illyria: Trust me bad nothing will happen, we will be going to the 2nd safest place in the empire
Panel 4:
Illyria points to the guards
Illyria: Plus we will have these guys with us the whole time
Panel 5:
Illyria holding Eleanor's hand as if she is begging
Illyria: And you did want to pray, after all, I’ll even pray with you if you like
Page 25:
Panel 1:
Eleanor still looks a bit worried
Eleanor: Ok but only for a bit ok
Panel 2::
Illyria is happy
Illyria: Perfect, then let's go
Panel 3:
Illyria looks at the guards
Guard: The security detail will be ready in 20 mins princess.
Panel 4:
Illyria smiling at Eleanor while taking Eleanor's hand. As they are walking back into the palace
Illyria: Wonderful, I can see us being best of friend
Page 26:
Panel 1:
A phone starts ringing.
Panel 2:
An old priest picks up the phone. A voice comes from the phone.
Phone: Everything is set for the saint priestess. This will be your only chance. Best of luck.
Panel 3:
The phone goes dead. Old priest puts the phone down
Panel 4:
The priest starts smiling
Page 27:
Panel 1:
The priest has his arms out in an embrace stance front of him are several other priests and priestess
Priest: Brothers, Sisters, The time has come for us to send this heretic back to her hell and retake are positions that she stole.
Panel 2:
Priest: In the name of the creator. We cleanse the church of her corruption.
Priest and priestess: Latom
Thank you for taking a look and providing feedback.
