June 28, 2022, 05:11:37 PM

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Messages - Coryn

Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 1779
1
Develop Your Story / Re: Looking for feedback
« on: June 24, 2022, 02:13:49 PM »
Just remember to run spell check and it should pick up most of the little things I caught.

2
Develop Your Story / Re: Looking for feedback
« on: June 23, 2022, 12:46:14 PM »
Alright man, you asked and you shall receive. I'm just going to comment as I go along, so hopefully it all tracks on your end.


1. Your summary gives both a fantasy and sci fi setting, but you don't establish what setting were in when we start with the bedroom. The dream seems fantasy, but the bedroom has a lot of modern conveniences. Obviously if this was an actual manga it would be obvious, but as text you still need notes about this kind of thing so the artist knows what to draw.

2. These two are not in love, calling it right now. Camilla thinks her breath doesn't stink at 3am? Kissing aint going to hurt you none hon. Especially on the forehead. What has happened to debtal hygiene in tbr future?! If this guy aint at least hitting some mouthwash before dressing he's a maniac.

3. Ah, power armor. Now we can begin to see the setting.

4. As a general note, you need to do a proof read for grammar and spelling. Lots of little mistakes that will be easy to iron out.

5. More detail on hooded figure please. Seems too important to be nondistinct.

6. I can't help but feel this demon king should have a name? Demon King feels like it is a proper title leading up to something.


*Pausing this review for now. Will return to it later.*

3
MR Pub / Re: Chit Chat 2022
« on: June 22, 2022, 12:21:52 PM »
Yeah, I've learned over the years that paying for good clothes up front will pay off in the long run. With shoes you really get what you pay for up to an extent. I doubt that paying 100+ dollars for shoes only buys you fashion clout, not a more structurally sound piece of footwear.

Ah, diet is important. I need to be better myself. Could do with fewer alcoholic drinks on weeknights and fewer trips to the office candy bowl. Don't even get me started on macros ToT

My fiance willing, I'm going to try and start meal planning each week around the concept of being able to make, say, 5 different dishes from the same 10 ingredients. That way we can plan ahead for healthier dinners and lunches without much effort. But she's a different eater than I am. I'll happily eat the same meal for lunch and dinner every day for a week from a big batch I make on Sunday. But it's a fight to get her to eat the same two meals in the same week. I can't count the number of times I meal prepped lunches for a whole week that went uneaten because she decided to get fast food instead on a whim.

4
Welcome Center / Re: Hey Everyone
« on: June 22, 2022, 12:13:09 PM »
Welcome to MangaRaiders Fear!

An interesting take on the isekai genre! Usually you don't see fantasy to sci fi. I invite you to post what you've written in our writers section. There are different boards for different levels of fleshed outidness, which you can tell apart by their descriptions. But let me know if you have any questions!

5
MR Pub / Re: Chit Chat 2022
« on: June 21, 2022, 02:06:43 PM »
Hey, walking it more than nothing! You definitely need a lot of distance for it to add up, but thrown on a podcast, go for an hour (or 4 if you've really got the time), and enjoy nature.

I can't recommend finding a local nature trail that you can hit up. Great way to connect with the environment in a tangible way, and also learn something about the local ecology. Walk out there with a tree identification guide, if you really want to get mad at how many invasive species there are  >:(

As for shoes, I recommend thr Xero brand. They're a brand of "barefoot" shoe that have very little sole. It's definitely something you have to adjust to (striking on your forefoot and not on the heel), which is a lot more natural, but does a number in your calfs if you don’t gradually warm up to it.

I know that sounds counterintuitive to all shoes ever, but your calf is your natural shock absorber. Obviously the species came up on the plains of africa without Nikes or arch support. Barefoot shoes are just training all those foot and leg muscles that don’t get used when you're essentially walking on a cloud.

(This is not medical advice. I am not a doctor. This is a personal testimonial. Don't buy something just because someone on the internet said you should.)

6
MR Pub / Re: Chit Chat 2022
« on: June 20, 2022, 03:48:19 PM »
Well, after years of thinking about it, I'm finally taking the leap into some sort of martial art training. Found a place that offers aikido, kenjutsu, and aikijo classes. Doing the first free session tonight.

Hoping it will take my fitness training and give it the final rounding out it feels like it's lacking. Less about intensity and more about mental direction. I'm not misguided about the idea of self defense, but as I understand it it's great for focusing the mind during exercise, which is what I really lack.

7
Manga Art Gallery / Re: Echo Archives
« on: June 20, 2022, 03:41:32 PM »
Updates are right, lol. Took me a minute (and a day) to get everything up and running, but they've been pretty quick downloads since.

8
Video / PC Games / Re: Is anyone playing Genshin?
« on: June 20, 2022, 03:40:01 PM »
Hm, maybe precious enough I might just wrangle up a story play through on YouTube. Any more these days I get home after work and have to spend all evening doing chores. Between the dog, cooking and eating dinner, and exercise, it leaves me a lot less than I used to have when I didn’t have a dog, didn't work out, and ate any ol' garbage that came in a cardboard box, lol

Oh, the things we do to stay healthy as we age  :sadbye:

9
Manga Art Gallery / Re: boss art
« on: June 20, 2022, 03:35:49 PM »
Nice to see you're still producing, boss! In agreement with Suuper, much cleaner!

10
Manga Creations / Re: The Path of Legends
« on: June 20, 2022, 03:34:13 PM »
I broadly agree with Suuper's points. The action is easy to follow, although it is a little clunky at times. For instance when you describe Satan doning armor mid fight, you could easily rephrase it so he's already in armor. As is it feels like an odd thing to happen.

Also curious about the exact theology here. If we're looking at this from a sort of devilman or paradise lost point of view (and it kinda feels like that's the case), then calling Satan by his name works well since "satan" is more of a job title and not a proper name. But as Suuper said, the actual story should clear a lot of this up. Still you should aim to eliminate these kinds of uncertainties during a prologue. You want a prologue to wet the whistle, not bring up questions. It might be better to omit names all together (at least until the very last second). That way it's more of a cliffhanger.

@Suuper: I do believe the last line is meant to be said out loud. The American formatting default is for spoken dialogue to be between double quotes.

11
Manga Art Gallery / Re: Suuper's manga (+digital and 3D)
« on: June 17, 2022, 04:59:04 PM »
Well that's the th though isn't it? A regular motorcycle just looks like a motorcycle. And that's great if you're going for accuracy. But if you want a design that sticks in tbe mind, you gotta make up something that doesn't exist. Nobody is out there building replicas of the bikes from Tokyo Revengers (well, they'd probably just buy one if it appealed that much. But people sure have build a lot of replica Tron and Akira bikes.

12
Video / PC Games / Re: Is anyone playing Genshin?
« on: June 17, 2022, 04:54:32 PM »
Truly though, your current art definitely surpasses a lot of the gotcha games I see adds for, lol. Suuper if you just had some more finished characters you'd be raking it in, lol

13
Manga Art Gallery / Re: Suuper's manga (+digital and 3D)
« on: June 17, 2022, 11:35:54 AM »
That motorcycle really is some early Toriyama looking sh*t, lol. Iean that in only the most positive way of course! I love me some deiselpunk machinery.

14
Manga Art Gallery / Re: Echo Archives
« on: June 17, 2022, 11:33:57 AM »
I gotta ask then, are you also a 14 player Echo? I have yet to find another one to talk to about it in real life, lol

15
Video / PC Games / Re: Is anyone playing Genshin?
« on: June 17, 2022, 11:31:18 AM »
Gosh, I have come very close to jumping i to Genshin several times. Do y'all endorse it for somone with precious little gaming time these days?

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