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Messages - IndigoDoll90

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General Discussion / Re: What To Do About Doubts
« on: February 10, 2022, 08:24:13 AM »
I just talked to my doctor and he still thinks I have ADHD and now I'm starting to have doubts all over again. I tried explaining to him I just say I have it to feel sorry for myself but he seems so convinced that I actually have it. These doubts are even starting to affect my work. I find myself depressed and not as energetic as usual and unable to keep up at work which frustrates me. I talked to my counselor yesterday but I'm still having some doubts today and I'm kind of worried I won't be able to handle work again. It's just (and this is going to sound really geeky of me) I always wanted to have some kind of super power or talent, but it seems instead I have a disability. Lately Ive been reading about creativity being a super power but Even if I do have some talent it doesn't even matter because I still have ADHD and a disability.

break Room / Re: The Status Of Our Fellow Raiders
« on: February 01, 2022, 09:54:03 AM »
Oh, just waiting for spring to start, lol. Went to the plant nursery today. Was quite nice.

On the main though, just slowly counting down the days, dollars, and hours of work before my wedding in September  :ohmy: so much to do...

Wish I was getting married. Seems just about everyone else in my family is married and has kids except me so I feel kind of left out. I have a boyfriend but it seems my bf isn't ready for marriage yet. Besides as my best friend says marriage is a huge commitment and you have to consider the others feelings. However she isn't married herself yet, though she kind of has a point. Also part of me really feels I should be focusing on advancing my career. Though I'm making enough money at my current job to afford a small apartment for myself which I'm happy about at the same time working in fast food isn't exactly my dream job. However at the same time I would really like to have kids someday and my boyfriend and I aren't getting any younger and I worry if we don't hurry we will soon be too old to have kids. But then again kids are a huge responsibility and my bf and I are both just learning to be more responsible so for now we aren't really ready for the responsibility of a kid. Still (and this is going to sound really weird) my bf and I both had a dream in which we were married and had a kid and I really want that dream to come true.

General Discussion / Re: What To Do About Doubts
« on: February 01, 2022, 09:08:22 AM »
It isn't so much I'm depressed as much as for some odd reason I like the feeling of sadness which is why I will feel sorry for myself. I think the reason that I like sadness was because I would get attention from my parents when sad. I've been thinking about this lately and other than being spoiled by my parents as a kid I also crave connection to others which may be another reason I crave attention so much. So now I've been thinking of other ways I can get that similar feeling of connection other than being sad, which others find weird. I've noticed I feel a similar feeling when I'm outside or even spending time with my pet hamster. Also just spending time with my friends helps too.

General Discussion / Re: What To Do About Doubts
« on: January 31, 2022, 11:03:38 AM »
Recently I talked to my counselor and she said the only reason she said I have adhd is because I keep saying I have it just to feel sorry for myself so she wasn't sure what to say because to her it was like I wanted to have ADHD. Anyway good to know I don't really have it. Since then my confidence has been up more but I really need to quit telling myself I have ADHD to feel sorry for myself.

General Discussion / Re: What To Do About Doubts
« on: January 27, 2022, 07:44:36 PM »
I really need to stop feeling sorry for myself.  As for the internet I forgot about official websites for finding out about the latest video games and movies and stuff. Besides I don't usually believe in something unless it's from an official source anyways.

General Discussion / Re: What To Do About Doubts
« on: January 22, 2022, 11:41:13 AM »
I suppose even after being told by my counselor I have adhd I'm still the same at writing and drawing. It just doesn't help that I see my adhd as a disability and a weakness. Makes me less motivated. And funny you should mention vision impairment. Not sure it exactly is a vision impairment but I have astigmatism and had to wear glasses since I was in high school. Without my glasses I've noticed it's harder for me to read. And yeah having adhd does kind of make it hard to stay focused on one idea for very long when I'm drawing or writing but I suppose if I was to break things down into steps It wouldn't be impossible. Luckily despite my adhd  I am somehow good at setting goals it just takes me long to get it done.

General Discussion / Re: What To Do About Doubts
« on: January 22, 2022, 08:31:09 AM »
Working at a fast food restaurant isn't easy either and would stress most people out. It even stresses me out every now and then. Luckily I usually have the energy to keep up. However I think it freaks my co workers out how much energy I have and they are starting to suspect that I have a mental disability. I don't like social media that much either. I find most people not that friendly and most of my so called Facebook friends ignore me especially when I post my opinion on Facebook. They only seem to care when I post stuff like happy holidays. Also I believe there is a lot of fake news and stuff on social media trying to sway our opinion that I've mostly stopped social media which is kind of sad because that's the only way I can find out about what video games and TV shows and stuff are coming out and stuff. However in my opinion there aren't very many good video games coming out these days and video games and stuff were much better when I was a kid in the 2000s seems everything was better back then even the music. I'm also just learning to drive since for the longest time my dad was worried about me driving but he was kind of the same way with my older sisters. I just got my permit last summer and am hoping to get my license come this spring or summer. Kind of looking forward to being able to drive around town without having to have another driver with me. Also might be finally getting a car tomorrow. It's looking like I'll be getting a Chevy Cruze (I've been wanting either a Ford or Chevy). Anyway it will be nice to have a car to get around town though until I get my license I have to have another driver in the car with me. As for writing and drawing because of my job I don't have as much time as I use to have to write and draw. Still I try to find some time to practice drawing and writing even if it's just a few minutes. However usually I find myself wanting to play video games or listen to music more especially these days because I feel why even bother with drawing and writing and trying to make a comic book when no matter what I still have adhd. Yet Yesterday I was imagining what it might be like if I follow my dream and become a comic book artist and I imagine I'm actually happy. I guess drawing and writing actually make me happy probably because it helps me get some of my emotions out. Still I have some doubts. I often feel as though if I was meant to be a comic book artist I would be one by now. Also there is still the fact that according to my doctor and counselor I have adhd. Luckily I'm about to stop seeing my counselor but I can't stop seeing my doctor.

General Discussion / What To Do About Doubts
« on: January 21, 2022, 06:15:21 PM »
Lately my minds been so full of doubts due to Dr saying I have ADHD and it's even effecting my drawing and even my creativity. I really want to be a comic book artist and hopefully be able make enough money out of it that I can finally quit my fast food restaurant job but I keep having doubts in my mind. I keep thinking thoughts like what does it even matter if I become a comic book artist I will still have a disability. Usually at times like this I would think ahead to what the future might hold for me because that's the way my mind usually is but the doubts even get in the way of that. Dreams can't really come true I will think to myself. Unfortunately because of court order I have to see this doctor. Is there anything I can do?

General Discussion / Re: How To Get Started As A Manga Artist
« on: November 12, 2021, 05:12:58 PM »
Yeah I've been thinking lately it might help to start with a 1 or 2 page short manga and maybe posting it to my deviant art account to start with.

General Discussion / How To Get Started As A Manga Artist
« on: November 11, 2021, 08:33:18 AM »
Right now while I'm still single and have no kids I want to focus on my career especially becoming a manga artist. One of my problems is I have so many ideas and am rather disorganized which makes it hard for me to get my ideas down and sort through my ideas. I've been told to just pick an idea and stick with it but I often will eventually get tired of one idea and want to focus on another for the moment. Sometimes I wish I could just stick with one idea but I guess my brain just isn't like that. I've been told once I can get my ideas more sorted I should go to a comic book publisher but I don't like that idea. Besides if I was to take my ideas to a publisher they probably would want me to make a lot of changes to it. Besides I like the idea of publishing my own manga anyway. Still I have such a hard time sorting through ideas and sticking with them not to mention motivating myself that I feel I will never become a manga artist. Besides I often feel I should be one already. Any ideas how I can finally get started as a manga artist.

Manga Artists Wanted / Re: Manga Ideas, Artist Wanted!
« on: October 14, 2021, 05:27:02 PM »
Hey, I sent you a message.

break Room / Re: Do you easily cut ties with your friends/family?
« on: October 12, 2021, 06:47:01 AM »
I'm only close with some people in my family. Also I tend to be closer to my dad's side of the family these days. It kind of upsets my mom that I'm closer to my dad's side than her side. It's just I tend to take more after my dad's side of the family since it's his side of the family that's more creative and artistic than my mom's side. That isn't to say my mom's side isn't artistic just not as much as my dad's side. My dad even says he can remember being a teenager and his family getting together to play music. Apparently my dad's side of the family is very musical. Even have an old photo of my great great grandfather on my dad's side playing music with his brothers. Unfortunately most of my family even my dad's side is in another state. Still I wouldn't mind it if my dad's side was to have a family reunion.

break Room / Re: hey what's everyone sleep schedule
« on: October 12, 2021, 06:24:32 AM »
Lately I've been having a hard time sleeping myself. Doesn't help that I'm naturally very energetic. I would agree with Coryn that a routine helps. Since I started working I've gotten use to going to bed early and getting up early though on my days off I will stay up a little later and sleep in a little. Still even on my days off I will wake up before 9am.

General Discussion / Re: Thoughts on the Webtoon vertical format?
« on: October 12, 2021, 06:00:34 AM »
I actually started liking comics through Webtoon titles like Eleceed and Bastard, but after reading page-format manga I really find myself disliking the Webtoon format of vertical scrolling. It's such a good platform for posting comics, so it's a shame it really doesn't accommodate page-based comics very well at all. Some really interesting spreads can be created through the vertical format but action in general I feel flows not as well. Does anyone feel the same or is it just me?

Yeah I'm the same way kind of prefer the traditional comic format compared to webtoons vertical scrolling. Though I can see how people like scrolling as it's much easier to do on a mobile device. However, I read more traditional manga then webtoons, which may also be why I prefer the traditional format though I mostly read my manga through my kindle app these days since I don't have the room for a bunch of physical books. Besides I'm kind of liking reading through my kindle app more than reading a physical book or comic book these days.

break Room / Re: tell me of your dreams wwwww
« on: July 23, 2021, 08:44:44 AM »
My dream is to someday soon become a manga artist. Also been considering becoming a freelance graphic designer especially since I studied graphic design in college. Also I read that with being a freelance graphic designer I won't have as much interaction with people, which sounds kind of nice to me.

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