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Author Topic: chains  (Read 18104 times)

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Offline hikari

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chains
« on: December 16, 2013, 09:55:41 PM »
Ok, got bored and thought of this.
Genre: Shonen, Prison
Plot: Kazuki is a typical teenager, but what he doesn't know is that there is someone out there who looks just like him... and that person is a criminal. Kazuki is imprisoned because of this doppelganger's crimes, which leaves the doppelganger to follow a free life. Kazuki must escape the shackles and reveal the truth... but can he really break out of the prison and defeat the dangerous thug?

The story will also include a background story of 3 gangs that control the underworld of the entire city. Kazuki will be thrown into their world and see first hand, those responsible for all of the crimes that are committed each day.
« Last Edit: August 29, 2014, 12:13:05 AM by Hikari »

Offline Lumaria

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Re: chains
« Reply #1 on: December 17, 2013, 01:13:24 AM »
If you're bored worked on the 3 different stories (or focus on one) afterall, you do plan to share these to an editor when you get to japan.

But...this story sounds "ok". Definitely not a story that's relatable...maybe the character is likable, but you shoould work on making it hit the reader's heart.

Sounds like a comedic one-shot though. So if its that, I'll wait and see.
Stop playing victim....you know what you did.

Offline hikari

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Re: chains
« Reply #2 on: December 17, 2013, 03:15:31 AM »
-comment removed by Hikari-
« Last Edit: February 17, 2014, 05:16:36 PM by Hikari »

Offline Thy Obsessive Freak

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Re: chains
« Reply #3 on: December 17, 2013, 03:31:52 AM »
Okay, I can imagine this being a manga comedy.... But does the main character have to be a murderer? Sorry but aren't we meant to like the main character? Can't you just, I don't know, leave it that he's a criminal? That doesn't make him much more likeable as well, but it leaves it to the fact he's a criminal doing stuff for street cred, which is more understandable as there's been people tempted or pressured to get away with crime for others respect. Sure it makes the other character seem less F'd, but gets rid of that murder idea or just conceals it more at least for people like me who are scheamish (I'll confess changing the murder thing is more selfish than actually helping)
It's an okay idea anyways, especially if you made it while your bored. So long as the story was funny (If you don't mind me saying, sorry but haven't exactly seen much humour, besides awkward humour) then I could imagine just a group of friends gathering around to see it just to have fun.
Hope that's what you were hoping for anyways.

Offline Lumaria

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Re: chains
« Reply #4 on: December 17, 2013, 03:38:13 AM »
part 1: *censored* you im not your pet so dont order me around.
part 2: thanks for the advice
part 3: it was just a quick tester to see if I could come up with a good story in a short amount of time, and yes, I would have used it as a oneshot
Don't be acting so spoiled. You made a HUGE deal over proving how working on 3 different titles will benefit from you and now I see you taken a break from 2 of them. Its not me ordering you around and calling you my pet. Its me challenging the very point you tried to prove not so long ago....you have to admit, you've had that responce coming.

Just be lucky I wasn't as sarcastic as I could've been.

As for a quick tester, that's fine, but if you're going to come up with more, turn this into an idea box. Your quick idea seems ok, as a start for conceptualizing.
« Last Edit: December 17, 2013, 03:40:25 AM by Lorenx1 »
Stop playing victim....you know what you did.

Offline hikari

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Re: chains
« Reply #5 on: December 17, 2013, 04:21:02 AM »
part 1: *censored* you im not your pet so dont order me around.
part 2: thanks for the advice
part 3: it was just a quick tester to see if I could come up with a good story in a short amount of time, and yes, I would have used it as a oneshot
Don't be acting so spoiled. You made a HUGE deal over proving how working on 3 different titles will benefit from you and now I see you taken a break from 2 of them. Its not me ordering you around and calling you my pet. Its me challenging the very point you tried to prove not so long ago....you have to admit, you've had that responce coming.

Just be lucky I wasn't as sarcastic as I could've been.

As for a quick tester, that's fine, but if you're going to come up with more, turn this into an idea box. Your quick idea seems ok, as a start for conceptualizing.
I love how this arguement has a nice side to it XD. But anyway, I never agreed to do what you said... to be quite honest you can be as sarcastic as you want, I'ts the morning and I have other stuff to focus on than your posts. Feel free to keep commenting

Offline Lumaria

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Re: chains
« Reply #6 on: December 17, 2013, 04:52:31 AM »
Does that justify the responce you gave?

All I'm saying. If you ever become that arrogant. Make sure its something you can fullfill. Right now you don't even have 1 story going, and you claimed you could post a chapter for 3 stories for each week.

Its sad to say your not the first in this forum who ends up trying to creep into the shadow and act like you never had anything to prove for something they felt too strongly.

I'll say it again: if you're bored, work on your series. After all you were so deadset on working on all 3 of them at the same time.

I still recommend focusing on one.
« Last Edit: December 17, 2013, 05:00:19 AM by Lorenx1 »
Stop playing victim....you know what you did.

Offline hikari

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Re: chains
« Reply #7 on: December 17, 2013, 05:06:31 AM »
Does that justify the responce you gave?

All I'm saying. If you ever become that arrogant. Make sure its something you can fullfill. Right now you don't even have 1 story going, and you claimed you could post a chapter for 3 stories for each week.

Its sad to say your not the first in this forum who ends up trying to creep into the shadow and act like you never had anything to prove for something they felt too strongly.

I'll say it again: if you're bored, work on your series. After all you were so deadset on working on all 3 of them at the same time.

I still recommend focusing on one.
Actually, I'm currently working on a oneshot that me and the artist I am working with will enter into treasure with, with that going and college it doesn't work well. EXO was way too rushed and therefore I want to restart it and go slower, I'll do that once the oneshot is at a good point. Finally, It was 3am when I wrote this topic, and I had literally just thought of the idea then... I don't know about you but I'm not the kind of person to crack open the laptop and go to town, only to fall asleep 5 minutes later

Offline KagePen

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Re: chains
« Reply #8 on: December 17, 2013, 05:41:12 AM »
I honestly don't think this would work as a comedy :/ The themes are way too serious for it to be funny, also it's a bad example of a shonen manga (shonen manga was invented to educate teens about positive values and morality. Manga like Deathnote and Fist of the North Star were gruesome but they taught important life lessons, your story does not adhere to this.) Even if this is seinen, you need to tone down the themes for the comedy to work. If he were a skilled thief that would work much better, but DO NOT market it as shonen. A manga about earning street cred to bring meaning to your teenage life would only rot the shonen industry, therefore it wouldn't make it past the editorial department. The reason shonen manga is the top in it's field is because it is the most important of all. It teaches youths life lessons and insures good morality in the future generations. So something like this would only bring tarnishment.

I don't mean to be harsh, but I had to bring this to the table. As a teen yourself it must've seemed as an interesting concept, but that's what makes it bad, these things should not be interesting to teenagers. I probably sound like a stuck-up adult but there is a higher purpose to manga, especially shonen manga, and you must keep it in mind when making manga. People who think manga is just time-passing entainment do not understand manga at all.

Offline Thy Obsessive Freak

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Re: chains
« Reply #9 on: December 17, 2013, 09:10:15 AM »
I honestly don't think this would work as a comedy :/ The themes are way too serious for it to be funny, also it's a bad example of a shonen manga (shonen manga was invented to educate teens about positive values and morality. Manga like Deathnote and Fist of the North Star were gruesome but they taught important life lessons, your story does not adhere to this.) Even if this is seinen, you need to tone down the themes for the comedy to work. If he were a skilled thief that would work much better, but DO NOT market it as shonen. A manga about earning street cred to bring meaning to your teenage life would only rot the shonen industry, therefore it wouldn't make it past the editorial department. The reason shonen manga is the top in it's field is because it is the most important of all. It teaches youths life lessons and insures good morality in the future generations. So something like this would only bring tarnishment.

I don't mean to be harsh, but I had to bring this to the table. As a teen yourself it must've seemed as an interesting concept, but that's what makes it bad, these things should not be interesting to teenagers. I probably sound like a stuck-up adult but there is a higher purpose to manga, especially shonen manga, and you must keep it in mind when making manga. People who think manga is just time-passing entainment do not understand manga at all.

Honk  :cop: ! Going to have to stop you right there if you don't mind KagePen before you get anymore excited. Apologies if I am contradicting you, but you seem to be criticizing Hikari unfairly in my opinion over the apparent lesson which Hikari hasn't gotten into. All this is is the synopsis. Where does it say that Hikari is getting into that it's all about street cred  :read: ?

I'm not sure where you're even getting this idea KagePen, but by what it looks like is a main protagonist going to great lengths to protect his street cred, which I'm certain is going to lead to slapstick comedic events. Yes we're following a criminal character that may attract kids who relate to his street cred thirst, but that's always the point is that it's most likely not going to pay up in the end or it's going to be something that his replaced, as in he realizes there's things more important than street cred

Again sorry, but I do feel you didn't read the thing properly.

Offline Lumaria

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Re: chains
« Reply #10 on: December 17, 2013, 10:07:57 AM »
Also note that this is more of an anti-hero type. Considering he's indirectly trying to prove another person is innocent. 
Stop playing victim....you know what you did.

Offline KagePen

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Re: chains
« Reply #11 on: December 17, 2013, 11:32:33 AM »
@TOF: I in no way meant to be unfair to hikari, was just adding my thoughts. In the synopsis he stated that the main character goes to prison to attack his doppelganger for taking his street cred, that's the relationship between him and the doppelganger and therefore plays a big part in the story. This would probably fit in with the seinen genre but would not be encouraged as a shonen.

I can understand if he becomes a good guy in the end, but Hikari never said that. Even so, a mass murderer as a protagonist still doesn't fit. And if the main character realizes there's better things than street cred there's no point since he's going to rot in prison for the rest of his life.

I didn't mean to attack hikari negatively, I really like the stories he writes, but this one just doesn't fit. The two things I find wrong with it is 1: A mass-murdering teen protag. is a bad influence so it wouldn't fly past publishers. 2: The themes are too intense for comedy to be present.

@Loren:
...Angered by this, the main goes to the prison to attack the boy for getting the street cred that the main should have got...

The series would revolve around the main trying to convince people that he committed the crimes and therefore had earned the other prisoners' respects...


Firstly he wanted to attack his innocent doppelganger, and secondly he just wants the cred so he can get respect in prison.

Offline Lumaria

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Re: chains
« Reply #12 on: December 17, 2013, 11:34:07 AM »
i said "indirectly". as in, its not his intention, but if he succeeds he ends up proving the other is innocent.
Stop playing victim....you know what you did.

Offline KagePen

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Re: chains
« Reply #13 on: December 17, 2013, 11:38:47 AM »
But what does it help if he doesn't care about the other guy's innocence?

Offline Lumaria

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Re: chains
« Reply #14 on: December 17, 2013, 11:43:22 AM »
But what does it help if he doesn't care about the other guy's innocence?

It doesn't matter if he cares or not. Its just like Bardock in the manga where he saves a village from Chiller (or Chilled? i forget). It depends on what the focus is, his murders or him trying to regain his credibility.

Ever heard of an "anti-hero". Their those who do things certain heroes would do, but they have their own selfish goals.

And you'll see this alot in manga, where kids and such would see someone as a good guy to a bad guy just because they happen to save them out of convenience
Stop playing victim....you know what you did.