Hack.R (working title)

[LazyDude]

Ok I decided to write another story called Hack.R. I am guessing you could guess thats its about hacking which is why this is a little hard to write for me since of course i have heard of so many hacking movies and anime (Like the .hack series and of course The Matrix).

Our hero is a poor teen who struggles to take care of himself and his sisters and brothers. He meets a rich guy who helps him. Yea it seems allot like a slice of life type deal but its actually a shonen battle manga like my other story (Hell's Paradise). And I am going to copy Hikari's Hikari 3 idea (like writing his best 3 stories and stuff) So I am going to make this apart of my Lazy 3. Idk if thats a cool name but meh.

But anyway I know your thinking "If he is so poor how does he get a computer to start hacking?" Here is the twist. He doesnt need a computer because HE IS INSIDE ONE!!!!!! And I already know your like THIS IS SO LIKE THE MATRIX!!! OR THE .HACK SERIES!!!!!! (I never watched the .hack series so I would not know but I have heard of it) But no the difference is everyone knows they are all inside a computer. And I know your like WHAT THE  !!!!!!!!

But basically it is about hackers who fight each other.  (ENGUARDE  MOTHERLOVER!!!!) And they fight for freedom and sh*t and money. So the idea is there but the execution of it is a little hard. Because I have this thing about me when I write. Its kinda like I make this huge event happen that changes the world and then I make my main characters have nothing to do with the people who started this event. Its kinda like my signature. And i already know your like "DUDE THAT  ING SUCKS!!!!!!!

But I do that because to me it makes things allot less cliche idk thats just me. But anyway enough of my rambling I want to ask you guys if its not a bad idea and i really hope I am not copying anyone's ideas but I thought of this idea cause no one really has done a hacking shonen battle manga thing so I wanted to do it (Thats like my mission to do shonen on things that have never been done before) But please tell me if its a cool idea and I wouldnt mind pointers to help me execute the beginning.

[Khaliisto]

Because they are in computers, each person could have a 'port' or 'chipset' or something where they can add or remove programs to change abilities. They could give eachother viruses, you could actually go a long way with that idea. You could treat different servers like different worlds, I dunno, you could go far with this idea.

As for starting it out, I see a stadium full of holo-screens instead of seats. Tens of Thousands of viewers remotely view and gamble on a fight that's taking place between two users. Wealthier viewers purchase the better, bigger and closer monitors, and the kingpin of the casino is displayed on a floating monitor over the stadium, announcing the fight and urging viewers to place their bets.

Maybe your main character isn't actually in this battle, but since you said he's poor, he's actually watching the fight from the stadium in person. He's trying to to be seen, as no one actually attends the stadium to watch the fight inside, they simply purchase the monitors. There are still guards, however, so he must be discreet. His dream is to become a Gladiator or whatever, I realize Gladiator is cheezy, but I mean his dream is to become a wealthy and noteworthy combatant, so that someday he can escape through The Network.

He is spotted by a guard, who releases a low level Security Program, which takes the shape of a vicious dog and chases him out of the stadium.

Maybe you could use a lot of computing and programming terms to sort of relate this world to our understanding of computing. For example, someone could have an ability to guard against virus attacks by creating a 'sandbox' around them. Not actual sand, but a field of energy, you know what I mean. 

And perhaps people learn to be hackers to earn their freedom, like you said, and one would do so by hacking their way out of the heavily encrypted network that leads to whatever or wherever your ultimate roads' end.

Sir, you have a good idea, I didn't mean to hijack it or try to over-suggest stuff, it's just when I hear a good idea, my imagination starts to flare.

[LazyDude]

I absolutely fell in love with the casino idea And the computer references can work pretty well but i neglected to post that they are not just in a computer they are also in like a type of MMO game. So I was going add in more references to MMOs instead of overkilling it with computer references. And I wanted hacking to be a bit more underground like some people think its a myth since they think their world is so "secure". But your idea still KICKS @SS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am going to try to get my first chapter out within a week or maybe even tomorrow. Thx man 

[Lumaria]

yeah...don't hijack ideas here....you have to give advice so that they can make it into their own. now its LazyDude's and Khalisto's.


Also, i don't really see much resemblance to .hack because ita about an MMO with a mysterious virus that makes the players go in a coma irl if they get killed by a mysterious infected monster.


But so far, i don't see any balance in this idea. even with Khalisto's addition

[LazyDude]

yeah...don't hijack ideas here....you have to give advice so that they can make it into their own. now its LazyDude's and Khalisto's.


Also, i don't really see much resemblance to .hack because ita about an MMO with a mysterious virus that makes the players go in a coma irl if they get killed by a mysterious infected monster.


But so far, i don't see any balance in this idea. even with Khalisto's addition

Ah yea you may be right about the amount of help he gave me but I will only be using that for the first chapter as a balanced start.

And I am glad that I am not going full copycat on someone's work so thx for telling me about .hack. Also dont worry I didnt give all details about the story yet. I want some of that to be revealed when I actually start writing so I can change things up a little. I will try to make it awesome  .

[joymov]

hm, a mix of genre both a survival and scifi story, sounds cool. though, if people know that they're in a computer (or computer game) then are there also mods? i suppose they could be considered like illegal drugs of the digital world.

are people discriminated against for the type of player they are or what they are labeled as? for example: are hackers discriminated against?

are there laws to the internet/ game? like in SOA, if you kill another character, you get a red character icon above your head for everyone to see. does something similar happen if a crime is committed in the game?

and are there laws that restrict certain aspects of the world? like, is it held to real world physics? or does it have its own laws of motion, power, ect.

is there law? or is it martial law? is there branches of governments the overlook this world? moderators? enforcers? firewalls to stop hackers? (someone to try to keep things "in check"

i really like this idea, and because its based in  place that is infinitely expanding like the internet. there are very few limitations on what could occur. i really wanna help

[LazyDude]

hm, a mix of genre both a survival and scifi story, sounds cool. though, if people know that they're in a computer (or computer game) then are there also mods? i suppose they could be considered like illegal drugs of the digital world.

are people discriminated against for the type of player they are or what they are labeled as? for example: are hackers discriminated against?

are there laws to the internet/ game? like in SOA, if you kill another character, you get a red character icon above your head for everyone to see. does something similar happen if a crime is committed in the game?

and are there laws that restrict certain aspects of the world? like, is it held to real world physics? or does it have its own laws of motion, power, ect.

is there law? or is it martial law? is there branches of governments the overlook this world? moderators? enforcers? firewalls to stop hackers? (someone to try to keep things "in check"

i really like this idea, and because its based in  place that is infinitely expanding like the internet. there are very few limitations on what could occur. i really wanna help

Dude its like your reading my mind right now its freaky  But awesome.

Ok first question. Yes there are mods. I am deciding whether to make them emotionless or actually have emotions. But there will be mods. They will be called "The Enforcers" too

Second question. Yes they are discriminated against. But not how one would think. Players that are very poor are discriminated against. And there are fake hackers like people who pretend to be hackers. Those guys are discriminated against pretty hard.


Third question. People only truly die when killed by hackers. Since its based on an MMO regular players can kill each other for fun. But when hackers kill regular players they are gone for good. Hacker on hacker may be different they might have a chance of survival. I am still thinking about that. But when normal players commit serious crimes they are arrested.

Fourth question. It has a mix of both yes and no. The laws of that world itself cant be broken by normal players but those special hackers can break those rules like gravity. But then normal people can teleport to people and do things like whisper which is like calling some one on a phone. But other than that i think all other laws will be kept to real world standards.

Fifth question. There will obviously be laws that exist today and those types of laws can be broken if needed by any one even by regular players thats where The Enforcers come in. To arrest normal players who break those rules that can be broken. Hackers get a slightly different treatment instead they are killed.

Those last 2 questions kinda knocked me for a loop but i think i understood it correctly. And I am glad you like the idea. I also chose it because of the reason its always expanding. That could be perfect for shonen battle manga.

[Lovus Eternius]

Best get a title so people don't confuse it with something else or dismiss it as a rip-off of some other successful series. That would be... demoralizing.

At any rate - the idea has been done before and it sounds like you got quite the inspiration from Sword Art Online. I suggest simply scrapping this one unless you can make absolutely gorgeously original version of this idea... and find an artist willing to do it... -coughs-

[LazyDude]

Best get a title so people don't confuse it with something else or dismiss it as a rip-off of some other successful series. That would be... demoralizing.

At any rate - the idea has been done before and it sounds like you got quite the inspiration from Sword Art Online. I suggest simply scrapping this one unless you can make absolutely gorgeously original version of this idea... and find an artist willing to do it... -coughs-

Well damn... I didnt even write my first chapter yet. .hack series was around with Sword Art Online they both have something to do with MMO. Same with Bleach and Yu Yu Hakusho both pretty similar concepts. I fail to see why my idea will fail when I have not even starting writing so people can see if its similar. And I dont think there were any hackers in SAO (I am currently watching the dub so yea). I believe I can make my story original It will be hard...  BUT POSSIBLE!!!!!! I would like you to judge my chapters and tell me if I am copying them 

EDIT: Oh yea I didnt get allot of inspiration from SAO. Only like the time period that the game would be set in.  I was stuck between Medieval Times and Like the Industrial Revolution. Still deciding. But enough of my rambling I got my inspiration from a game i played when i was young. Mostly for characters and stuff.

[Lovus Eternius]

Best get a title so people don't confuse it with something else or dismiss it as a rip-off of some other successful series. That would be... demoralizing.

At any rate - the idea has been done before and it sounds like you got quite the inspiration from Sword Art Online. I suggest simply scrapping this one unless you can make absolutely gorgeously original version of this idea... and find an artist willing to do it... -coughs-

Well damn... I didnt even write my first chapter yet. .hack series was around with Sword Art Online they both have something to do with MMO. Same with Bleach and Yu Yu Hakusho both pretty similar concepts. I fail to see why my idea will fail when I have not even starting writing so people can see if its similar. And I dont think there were any hackers in SAO (I am currently watching the dub so yea). I believe I can make my story original It will be hard...  BUT POSSIBLE!!!!!! I would like you to judge my chapters and tell me if I am copying them 

[browses web for English dub]

[click]

[listens until 1:25-1:30]

AAAAAAAARRRRRGH!

My god... what have they done... wh-wh- WHO'S VOICE IS THAT?!

[closes tab]

Don't watch the dub... if anybody is reading this... DO NOT WAAATCH THE D...

[let's out dying breath and falls limp in office chair with armrests]

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.
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Moving on. Post the first chapter and I'll offer my opinion.



EDIT:

[crumples up obnoxious side of personality and throws it in recycling bin]

[Bears with the dub a little longer and starts crying because of how beautiful it is to not have to read subtitles and focus on the music and anime itself]

[legomaestro]

There is nothing new under the sun, so don't worry about that too much. In the end if you can make your characters different then things can go well.

I've always sort of thought of that setting where the major heroes and villains are doing their thing and then on the side you follow the story of a sort of regular joe trying to live in this world. Someone who can't quite change or save the world but must survive and face his own problems because of the world he is in.

It's a good idea, but you need to start thinking beginnings now. Whats the place the story's going to take place in. I think you should also mostly start at Hikari and the world he's around. Start with thinking of how he's day goes by in general before any sort of hacker fighting situation made his days more dangerous. How does he get by? Where does he stay? Does he have friends? People who he knows and who know him? What are the rich like and what are the poor like in this world?

I haven't developed a story in a long time but i can tell you that while thinking up the things in the background is good it's important to just start writing before you end up with countless background information without actually writing anything.

[LazyDude]

Thank you for your wise words of wisdom Lego-sama  . I am writing it out now. I will try to put out chapters as fast as I can without rushing my ideas. Working on two series and thinking of a third. So I am gonna test my brain  to see if i can handle that.

But anyway I will put out a chapter soon. Wish me luck 

[LazyDude]

Ok guys sorry for the hold up. I just had to put a little foreshadowing in it. And make it pretty awesome unlike my other story (HELLS PARADISE GO CHECK IT OUT RIGHT!!!!!!! STOP EVERYTHING YOUR DOING AND GO THE LINK IN MY SIGGY!!!!! ITS AWESOME TRUST ME WOOOOOOOOOO  ) sry if I advertised a little too much.

Any way here we go enjoy:

This is a story that follows a young man named Steffi who struggles to live day to day with his siblings. They live in the world called One Realm. Now we will watch as Steffi survives the world that is placed before him. What dangers lie ahead? Will he survive? Or will he be destroyed by the disgusting world that he despises? One can only watch and see.

Chapter 1: Enter! Steffi Paul!

Spoiler

Steffi narrates: "Overpopulation. Something we never thought was possible. In the year 3998, Our world is now filled with humans. War has stopped and birth rate increases. Our human population reached 80 billion people. It was something that no one ever imagined. Almost all animals were extinct or so few in numbers we did not notice their existence. And this increased famine and world hunger a hundred fold. This became a serious issue. The only logical option was to nuke the world until we reached a number that satisfied us. But was that humane? Was it the right thing to do? Well the world leaders didnt think so. They came up with a twisted idea of putting the entire world in a virtual reality. Pretty stupid idea to me. So they could further control the world. The best way to control the number of people controlled in 25 different servers. It was child's play. And so now the world has changed."

Steffi (thinks): "This world..."

Scene opens at a casino. Steffi is standing at the entrance. Many people are showing off their wealth.

Steffi: (thinks) "Is...."

In the casino many rich-looking people are laughing at fights that they have placed bets on.

Steffi: (thinks) "Is........."

Women complimenting men winning  casino games.

Steffi: (thinks) "Disgusting."

Steffi Paul is 17 years old. He struggles to get by with his only family, his sister. Steffi is at a casino so he can fight and place bets to make money.

Steffi begins to walk further into the casino and when he is stopped by an overconfident rich man with 3 girls on each arm.

OC Man: "Now look at this. I had no idea trash could move and walk like humans. H-HAHAHA!!"

The girls on his arms also laugh.

Steffi's hair falls over his eyes. And he smiles.

OC Man: "They must let any piece of filth walk around in this...."

Steffi: "Listen to me you pudgy f*ck. You're the only one that looks like trash with those tight-ass pants that make you look like your begging for...."

A young man walks up to both of them.

Young Man: "Do we have a problem here?"

OC Man: "This piece of filth insulted me by walking in this casino."

Steffi: "How dare you!!??"

Young Man: "Lets all calm down."

OC Man: "Who do you think you are anyway telling me to calm down??"

Young Man: "Ok then sir. Let me be frank. My bank account is much bigger than yours. I can buy everything you own. I am Benjamin Powerwalker."

One of the girls that the OC Man has says: "Is that true?"

OC Man: "Lets go ladies."

OC Man and the women walk off.

Steffi: "You didnt have to do that."

Benji: "Its alright. I hate jerks like him. Call me Benji by the way."

Benji is a 23 year old man. Who is very rich.

Steffi: "You dress weird for a rich guy."

Benji: "Its just my style. Geez why does every one say that?"

Steffi: "Any way. You know where I can find the arena?"

Benji: "Its at gate 3. So your a fighter or placing bets?"

Steffi: "Fighter. These contests are not very fair if I get paired with some guy that is above level 4 I am gonna be in trouble. But I think I might bet on myself so I get the prize money and the contest money."

Benji: "Hmm thats smart. Seems like you got to win then. I will be placing my bets on you. Hope you win."

Steffi: "Ok thanks."

Steffi feels himself for his ticket but cant find it.

Steffi: "Damn it. Where the hell is it?"

Benji: "What's wrong?"

Steffi: "Cant find my ticket."

Steffi runs outside.

He finds the ticket on the ground.

Steffi: "There it is."

He notices a homeless old guy.

Homeless Geezer: "THE ERA OF HACK MASTERS WILL BEGIN AGAIN!!!! TRUST ME THE HACK WORLD WILL RETURN!!!!!! THEY WILL NOT BE DESTROYED SO EASILY!!!!! WE CAN RETURN!!!! WE WILL RETURN TO THE REAL WORLD!!!!!"

Steffi: "Hackers dont exist dude."

Homeless Geezer: "Its the truth I know it. How could you say that its... Wait a minute your face... its... Whats your name?"

Steffi: "Its Steffi Paul."

Homeless Geezer: "HAHAHAHA!!!! IT LOOKS LIKE THERE IS NOTHING TO FEAR!!!! THIS WORLD WILL BE SAVED!!!"

Steffi: "Yea whatever you say old drunk."

Steffi slowly walks past him, into the casino.

Homeless Geezer: "Well alright. There is no need to worry. That boy..."

Steffi speeds up a little.

Homeless Geezer: "Is..."

Steffi walks even faster.

Homeless Geezer: "Is..."

Steffi walks allot faster.

Homeless Geezer: "His."

Steffi runs off to get ready to fight.

Scene moves to large dark arena.

Benji has just taken his seat.

He holds his small binoculars to his eyes so he can see the fight when it starts.

Steffi is sitting on the bench with a large hammer in his hand ready for the fight.

Announcer: "WELCOME LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!!!! PLEASE GET READY TO SEE THE BEATDOWN OF YOUR LIFE!!!!"

Both contestants enter the ring.

Steffi: "Huh?"

Announcer: "IN ONE CORNER WE HAVE STEFFI PAUL!!!!! HE IS A LEVEL 4 BRAWLER!!!!! WIELDING THE SPUNKY HAMMER!!!!! IN THE NEXT CORNER WE HAVE OLIVER DEADEYE!!! A LEVEL 20 BRAWLER!!!!!!!

Steffi: "Oh sh*t!"

Announcer: "HE IS WIELDING THE CHEAPSHOT HAMMER!!!!!!"

Oliver: "Dont you look cute and talk cute. I am gonna make you my little b*tch."

Steffi (thinks): "I dont know if I can beat this guy. But I wont know unless I try."

Announcer: "NOW LET THIS FIGHT BEGIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Bell sounds.

Steffi charges at Oliver.

He repeatedly strikes him with his weapon.

Oliver barely feels any pain.

Steffi: "Damn it."

Oliver swings his weapon and hits Steffi in the stomach.

Steffi exclaims in pain and spits up allot of blood.

Steffi: "KAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!"

Oliver spins his weapon around on his small finger.

Oliver: "So you ready to end this kid?"

Steffi (thinks): "Dammit there is no way I can beat this guy. Which means I will not be able to support Kayla. And we will lose our apartment and everything. Then that means I have to win. I HAVE TO WIN!!!"

Oliver grabs Steffi by the hair.

Oliver: "Time to die my friend."

Benji rushes down to the arena at incredible speed.

Oliver attempts to smash him with his hammer.

And then suddenly his weapon is stopped by Benji's hand easily

Steffi is completely shocked.

Steffi looks at Benji and checks his level.

Steffi (thinks): "This strange feeling..."

Benji is a level 2 brawler with no weapon.

Steffi (thinks): "What is it......?"

TO BE CONTINUED!

[legomaestro]

Could you space out your lines LD? it's sort of hard to read.

http://forums.mangaraiders.com/index.php/topic,8672

I'll get to this as soon as I can

[LazyDude]

Will this do for right now?