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Author Topic: Coryn's Saga Arc 3  (Read 17210 times)

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Offline 50 Words for Paipis

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Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
« Reply #60 on: May 23, 2013, 01:36:32 PM »
I agree. I think I've been sort of lazy, too, with my latest endeavors. Right now though, I'm determined to revise as much as I need to, so that nothing is confusing. Too, I usually like my writing to be very lyrical, and I haven't been doing that with most of my stories lately, and only a little bit with Crom Killet. The present tense only impairs that, but I think there are workarounds.

And Lego: I'll check it out.

Offline Coryn

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Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
« Reply #61 on: May 31, 2013, 10:26:40 PM »
I think I figured it out.

If I need to write chapters that take place from a high schooler's perspective. I need rediscover my high school self.


This is probably gonna hurt some.

Will review stories upon request. My latest arc: http://goo.gl/KYgsfF

Offline 50 Words for Paipis

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Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
« Reply #62 on: May 31, 2013, 11:21:40 PM »
Ouch. Dedication, man.

Whenever I write from a serial killer's perspective, I have a similar routine... I just remember the days when I watched Courage the Cowardly Dog and all the sick thoughts flow naturally. :sheep:

Looking forward to more CS.

Offline legomaestro

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Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
« Reply #63 on: June 01, 2013, 04:22:13 AM »
This made me chuckle sadly because it's worse for me. But recently I sort of channeled my thoughts into a character. It hurt to admit those were my thoughts but in the end I liked the character that i came up with.

Hope it works out with you, since I really want to see a next chapter.

On the topic of rediscovery though, how clear cut are your memories? Mine are always so fuzzy and hazy. Makes me think i should've really kept a journal better.

Offline Coryn

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Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
« Reply #64 on: June 01, 2013, 12:02:25 PM »
Well i think like all things, there are some memories that stick out more than others. And only when you concentrate on a certain time period can you pull out more of the little stuff.

Will review stories upon request. My latest arc: http://goo.gl/KYgsfF

Offline Coryn

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Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
« Reply #65 on: June 01, 2013, 07:20:18 PM »
Well this is officially the shortest time from one chapter to the next so far.




THE LAST DAY OF THE REST OF YOUR LIFE

Kyle’s back slammed into the hard surface of the cafeteria’s folding table as he slid his backpack

off of his shoulders and onto the adjoining bench. Staring up into the ceiling, he watched as the

clouds glided by the skylight.

   “They really need to send someone up there with a bottle of glass cleaner.”

   “You volunteering?”

   “Hell no, but I like actually being able to see what’s happening around me.”

   Tyler was leaning against an adjacent pillar, his feet crossed as he tapped his foot,

waiting impatiently for the bell to ring.

   “Well, I’m ready for this day to be over with, how ‘bout you?”

   “Meh, it’s not like I’m happy that it’s Monday or anything, but I say sit back and enjoy

your high school stay. It’s not like college isn’t going to be any better.”

   “Some of us might beg to differ. Free time might come in short supply, but said free time

will be much more entertaining. So if you don’t mind I-”

   “SUP BITCHES!”

   Kyle sat up and Tyler twisted his head around the pillar to locate the source of the

outburst. They of course knew full well who the culprit was, and took no surprise to see a short

boy with a mop of curly brown hair, which protruded in all directions from a backwards baseball

cap.

   “I can already see that you ass-hats haven’t done anything interesting this weekend, so

why don’t you just sit tight while I tell you of my most amazing endeavors!”

   There was a loud thud as Kyle once again dropped himself onto the table.

   “Please Robbie, do tell us all about it.”

   His voice was full of sarcasm, but the newest arrival obviously didn’t pay it any heed,

and immediately went into his story.

   “Right, so remember how I told you I had to go to my cousin’s wedding this weekend?

Was supposed to be a total drag right? Well that was true, Friday night’s rehearsal dinner was a

firkin disgrace to the long tradition of gatherings among humans.”

   “I’m sensing a ‘but’.”

   “But then Saturday happened and it blew the *censored* out of whatever you suckers did.

   “There it is.”

   “After the ceremony we had this hotel rented out for the reception. And I met this girl

there who was just *censored*ing gorgeous. Drop dead, head to toes, wonk wonk, nudge nudge, double

tongue click, long whistle.”

   Tyler sighed as he dug a can of espresso out of his backpack.

   “I keep telling you dude, that’s not how you implement onomatopoeias in a sentence.” 

        “Any rate, I know my skills well enough that it wasn’t nothing to walk right on up there

and convince her to fit a little private with yours truly into her schedule.”

        “Let me get this straight? You seduced a girl you met at a wedding. Places which are

basically filled with people who are already your family, or soon to be your family?”
       
        “Point?”

        “Just saying, I think state law might have something to say on the subject, and if it

doesn’t, it really should.”

         Kyle started to snicker, and was about to break out into a full on laughing fit when

Robbie’s foot collided with his unprotected shin.

         “Don’t be assuming that I’m some incestuous bastard here! I made sure to get that *censored*

cleared up from the get go. She was only a friend of the groom’s family. Everything was

kosher.”

          “Whatever you say pal, I just think that…”

          Kyle trailed off as his head rolled over to the side. His eyes began to follow a girl he had

never seen around the school before.

          “Are you guys seeing what I’m seeing?”

          “Is it Susan Anders inappropriately making out with Carl Gilford right in the middle of

everything? Because if so that happens like three times a week bro.”

          “I mean the girl who appears to be walking around dressed as an Asian school girl.”

          Tyler’s interested had been piqued as well, and he soon located the stranger amongst the

crowd as well.

         “Well not to make any rash assumptions, but from the look of her she might actually BE

an Asian school girl?”

          “Isn’t it a little late for new exchange students to be showing up?”

          “Could be a recent immigrant I suppose. What do you think Robbie…Robbie?”

          Both Kyle and Tyler snapped their attention back to where Robbie had been standing

only moments earlier, only to find that he had disappeared without a word to either of them.

Casting confused glances at each other they quickly reached the same conclusion, and after

pointing their heads back in the direction that they had seen the transfer student, quickly noted

that their friend was already giving chase.

          “Am I the only who thinks that Robbie is quite possibly the worst person in the school to

be the first to welcome her?”

           “No Kyle, I believe you are exactly right about that. Common, grab your bag, with some

luck we’ll be able to give her the impression that Americans aren’t all blathering idiots.”


           Katsumi’s mood sunk with the realization that she’d been in the school for approximately

five minutes and she was already lost. Corridors seemed to spawn and disappear off in random

directions, and several stairwells seemed to lead absolutely nowhere at all. The building was an

all around example of poor architecture, but this, she felt, was not her biggest problem, as she

was acutely aware that somebody was following her.

            Taking a few more turns at random, Katsumi did her best to find a part of the school that

wasn’t so densely populated. With luck she found herself heading up a staircase that let out to a

hallway nearly devoid of students. She quickly took a sharp corner at the top of the stairs and

inhaled slowly. Jack had warned her that there was the possibility of her and the other girls being

put on watch due to their association with The Five, but she wasn’t expecting anyone to have

caught up to her already.

             The steps grew louder as they trod up the stairs. Whoever it was would be turning the

corner at any moment. Katsumi took one last glance down the hall to make sure that no one was

watching, and made her move. Reaching out she grabbed her stalker by the neck and spun,

slamming them against the glazed tile of the cool cinderblock wall. Looking down at the small

man Katsumi started her interrogation.

             “Who are you?! Why are you following me?!”

             “Wait a second I don’t-”

             “Are you one of the Hunters?!”

             “I don’t speak Chinese!”

             “What the hell does that have to do with anything?!”

             It suddenly hit Katsumi that she had been yelling at him in Japanese from the get go.

Embarrassment spread across her being as her face filled with blood. After spending a year

learning English she had completely forgotten about the implementation stage. Katsumi’s arms

fell limp at her sides, though the person who she now clearly recognized as a student continued

to keep himself firmly pressed against the wall. She cleared her throat and straightened up, doing

her best not to trip all over her own tongue.

            “I apologize. My name is Katsumi Amano. I am looking for a friend.”

            The young man was still clutching to the wall, but what had started as fear seemed to be

transitioning into outright confusion. Feigning a smile, Katsumi continued.

            “I have not seen him for some time. Can you help me find him?”

            Finally he relaxed and pulled away from the wall. Straightening out his ball cap the

student attempted to regain what was left of his composure.

           “M-my name’s Robert, Robert Singer, but you can call me Robbie. So uh, who is this

friend you’re looking for?”

           “He has blonde hair, and is about two meters tall. His eyes are blue, and his name is C-”

           “HEY ROBBIE, WHERE ARE YOU MAN! JUST LEAVE THE POOR GIRL

ALONE!”

            Recognizing the voice, Katsumi shot her head around the corner. At the bottom of the

stairs stood the one she was looking for. Kyle was wearing a green T-shirt and a pair of worn out

cargo pants. His feet were bare but she spotted a pair of leather flip flops tucked into the side

pocket of his bag. Before she was spotted Katsumi ducked back around the corner and

confronted Robbie again.

           “That is him.”

           “What, you mean Kyle? Sure about that?”

           “His hair is shorter and his features are not as well kept. But that is him.”

           “Wanna go say ‘Hi’ then?”

           “I am afraid he will recognize me.”

           “Well that happens after a long time doll, but trust me, all you gotta do is-”

           Kyle burst around the corner.

           “So that’s where you two were hiding! Robbie what did I tell you about intimidating the

exchange students? Do I have to remind you about what happened with Amelia last year?”

          Robbie chuckled nervously.

          “Trust me on this one bro, I’m not the one doing the intimidating.”

          “Save it man. But since you’re all already acquainted, why don’t you introduce me to

her?”

          “Uh, right, Kyle this is Kasumi, Kasumi this is Kyle.”

          Katsumi smiled while resisting the urge to immediately break out the locket. She knew

what needed to be done, but she knew it was equally important to keep things quiet.

          “It is Katsumi actually. Not Kasumi.”

          “Oh! Konichiwa then! I took an online class in Asian languages last year actually. Maybe

you could help me brush up on my Japanese?”

          “Um, yes, I would like that very much.”

          Robbie pushed his way in between the two while tapping the face of his watch.

          “Hate to break up this really touching scene but class starts in about five minutes, and

          Kyle you might just happen to remember that your first class is on the other side of the building

this semester.”

          “Ah *censored*, right, well I’ll catch up with you at lunch Robbie. I hope to see you around as

well Katsumi.”

          Kyle took back off down the stairs, his backpack slapping against this lower back with

each step before finally disappearing from view. Robbie yelled back at him once more about

putting back on his ‘man-flops’ before he got yelled at again before turning back to Katsumi.

          “Look, don’t take it personally that he didn’t recognize you. It’s not that he’s met too

many Japanese girls named Katsumi before I’m sure, it’s just that guy seriously can’t remember

a person to save his life. Hell I don’t think he could pick me out of a crowd until about a year

after we started hanging out. So don’t take it personally or nothing.”

          “Yes, I believe you. I will try and talk to him later about things.”

           Feeling satisfied with the outcome of the conversation, Robbie excused himself and

headed back into the school, leaving Katsumi standing alone in the darkened hallway. Thoughts

swirled in her mind as she reached into her back and pulled out the small bronze locket Coryn

had entrusted to her over a year ago. She ran her fingers over his engraved initials before turning

her attention back to the matter at hand and re-depositing it in the bag.

           “Let’s just hope that when I do he’ll at least humor me long enough for this to work.”
« Last Edit: June 01, 2013, 07:21:49 PM by Coryn Sken »

Will review stories upon request. My latest arc: http://goo.gl/KYgsfF

Offline legomaestro

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Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
« Reply #66 on: June 02, 2013, 12:52:05 AM »
Read this on the bus... Great for a sendoff.

It feels sort of bracingly real, you know? Like it's happening in an as normal place as can be. How lost Katsumi seemed in the whole setting and such.

Dialogue and character in here were convincing  as hell, and to be honest I didn't even have time to nit-pick at anything.

So it is revealed. To be honest I didn't want to hazard a guess. I even thought it was Robbie for a second!


Offline Coryn

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Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
« Reply #67 on: June 02, 2013, 01:53:51 AM »
Honestly I wasn't exactly trying to mask the fact. Of the two students that got introduced in the second chapter, only one fits Coryn's description, and he's the one we follow from the get go. I even put in a similar name for him. I think perhaps you were expecting me to be sneaky about things?

Thanks for the comment about realness though. Though I suspect that spending four years in an american high school, meant it wasn't too much of a stretch to write about an american high school. I just kinda thought about the people I knew at the time, and it made writing them easier.

Will review stories upon request. My latest arc: http://goo.gl/KYgsfF

Offline 50 Words for Paipis

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Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
« Reply #68 on: June 02, 2013, 09:12:53 AM »
Yeah, it didn't seem like the reveal was a twist, necessarily. Just confirmation.

Good chapter. Things are being developed nicely.

Offline legomaestro

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Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
« Reply #69 on: June 02, 2013, 05:05:36 PM »
It was my bad this time around, but I think with trilogies you always have to be careful not to trust your guesses. For one thing trilogies wrap up things, so very possibly main characters may die.

Also, as coryn said in beta:

FID: Lego, I pride myself on being being an unpredictable story teller.


Offline Coryn

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Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
« Reply #70 on: June 02, 2013, 05:25:22 PM »
Well yes, but building to one thing then doing the opposite really isn't the most impressive way to have a twist is it? The best twist are the ones you never see coming, but on retrospect should have been obvious. Or short of that, are just completely unpredictable.

So if it seems like I'm leading you to a conclusion, I probably actually am leading you to that particular conclusion.

Will review stories upon request. My latest arc: http://goo.gl/KYgsfF

Offline 50 Words for Paipis

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Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
« Reply #71 on: June 02, 2013, 06:01:27 PM »
^Words of wisdom. Lego has a point, though. Some writers get "series-itis" and put a ton of illogical twists in the last book/arc/etc., although I wouldn't suspect Coryn of such a thing.

Offline Coryn

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Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
« Reply #72 on: June 03, 2013, 01:18:02 AM »
Well there shouldn't be anything illogical in there. Though I think that you all will be the judge of that in the end.

Will review stories upon request. My latest arc: http://goo.gl/KYgsfF

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Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
« Reply #73 on: July 22, 2013, 08:20:56 PM »
Gah...I feel like this is going to be the worse chapter you've ever read. Excuse my terrible writing...


LOCK AND KEY

Katsumi spent the next four hours hiding in the janitor’s closet. As she had never actually been

enrolled at the school, she didn’t exactly have a place to go during class times, and needed a safe

haven to pass the time. She would spend the passing periods studying the building’s layout and

tagging along behind Kyle at a safe distance. There was no telling how long it might take to

implement the plan, and the more she knew about her surroundings the better. Finally however

at eleven o’clock, the students began flooding into the cafeteria for lunch. Katsumi slipped back

into the throngs and before long found herself back in the sky-lit dining hall.

   Across the room, Kyle and his friends slipped onto the long benches of a folding table

and let their trays clatter down. Chicken tenders and mashed potatoes slid into each other as the

trays’ momentum came to a halt. Several carrots were lost as Kyle opted to save his milk instead,

but that was par for the course since he had never cared much for them, and only ever let them

grace his plate due to school and state regulations over healthy eating.

   Following the orange disc with his eyes, Kyle watched as it rolled between the feet of his

new acquaintance. His eyes rolled up her body until meeting Katsumi’s face which was filled

with a strange sort of apprehension.

   “Nervous about your first day I’m guessing?”

   “Umm…Yes, I am…”

   “Well don’t be, we’re all pretty nice for the most part.”

   Kyle winked at hurt and scooted a few inches away on the bench.

   “Have a seat with us, better than awkwardly asking around right?”

   “Thank you, I will.”

   Katsumi sat herself down next to Kyle and a small shiver ran down her back. No matter

how she approached him about the locket, it would almost certainly not be graceful. Being

forceful would be the quickest and easiest route to take, but that would blow both her cover sky

high and no doubt send the school into chaos. She could wait until after the school day ended and

find him alone at some point along his way home, but every moment she waited the chance of

discovery increased. Alternatively she could always-.

   “Hey Katsumi?”

   Her head shot up and turned towards Kyle. He was staring at her with interest, a half

eaten piece of chicken between his fingers.

   “Uh… yes?”

   “Do you actually have a lunch? You need any help running through the lunch line?”

   “Oh…No, I brought my own food.”

   Reaching into the messenger bag, Katsumi rifled through it for a few moments before

hauling out a bottled protein shake and some granola bars.

   “Thank you for your concern.”

   “Yeah sure, anytime…”


   At that same time, and roughly sixty miles above the surface of the Earth, Jaska Baranski

gripped the safety handles of his ship’s primary airlock, he wore what resembled a suit of

futuristic European plate armor, scorched black from what must have been truly extreme heat.

The planet stood like a massive blue jewel beneath him, drifting silently in the void of space.

Slowly the intercom system crackled to life and Alsace’s voice filled Jaska’s ears.

   “Well there you have it. Assuming the secondary energy signature we started picking up

is indeed at Coryn’s location, then you’ll find him in Miami. You’ve got a bit of a storm rolling

in from the Atlantic but nothing too serious. Want me to run the exact coordinates past you

again?”

   “No need, I’ll be able to feel them out for myself once I’m close enough.”

   “Have it your way, we’ll be above the drop point in a few moments, opening the outer

door in five.”

   Jaska smiled beneath the reflective visor of his helmet, his breath fogging up in the cold.

   “Come out, come out, wherever you are, The Spider has come to play.”


   Robbie leaned across the table, scooping Kyle’s remaining carrots onto his tray.

   “So Katsumi, what brings you to our neck of the woods?”

   “My father is an American business man. He wanted me to come learn from an American

school for the year.”

   “Does that mean you’ve visited before then?”

   “Yes, I was last here several years ago.”

   “Have any old friends you’re pining to see?”

   He winked at Katsumi before jostling his fork towards Kyle, who was preoccupied with

scooping up mashed potatoes with a chicken tender. Katsumi tried to avoid eye contact and

busied herself with her granola bar.

   “Yes, you could say that.”


   The airlock doors slid open in front of Jaska, and the last remnants of air rushed out into

the black.

   “Your decent will take approximately eighteen minutes. Do try to make it to the

extraction point in one piece.”

   “How do I know you won’t just leave me to rot down there?”

   “The devil you know.”

   “Fine point Alsace. I’ll see you this afternoon.”

   Jaska took a running leap out of his ship, launching himself into the void of space. Small

thrusters lit up across the entire suit and sharply redirected his course, sending him hurtling in an

arc that would ultimately land him right on top of Coryn.

   
   Katsumi studied the clock hanging at the far end of the cafeteria while chewing a large

bite of granola. She would need to get Coryn to keep still with the locket for several minutes for

a complete imprint, but she doubted his persona of Kyle would be willing to be subjected to that.

Kyle was normal. Kyle was average. Regular people don’t just sit in understanding when they’re

told they have the memories of a ten-thousand year old immortal locked within their brain. She

would need some way of convincing him without scaring him off, and baring that, she needed a

time and place to capture him that wouldn’t raise suspicion.

   
   Jaska watched as the temperature readout on his visor began to climb, gradually pushing

his way into the high atmosphere of the planet.

Fifteen minutes until impact.


   The three boys had finished their food and stacked up their trays in the center of the table.

Kyle stretched out and ended up leaning his back against a concrete pillar that stood adjacent to

the bench.

   “I don’t know about you lot but I think I’ll take a nice nap before classes resume.”

Tyler leaned his elbow against the table, propping his head up with an open hand.

         “How do you even plan to do that with the noise in here? I swear it’s like we’re going to

school with a pack of howler monkeys.”

   “Ah but you forget, I have the superpower to sleep anywhere I so choose.”

   “That’s not a superpower, that’s extreme laziness.”

   “And what are superpowers if not normal abilities taken to their maximum?”

   “Fictional.”

   Katsumi almost chocked on the last of her granola bar. It wasn’t a very humorous

statement, but she found it satisfyingly ironic for Coryn to be lectured on the absurdity of such

things like superpowers. She imagined the real Coryn would spout off something he found to be

deep, clever, or both, before showing off with some demonstration or the other. Then again, it

might be just as likely for him to keep a lid on it. After all, she had never once seen him interact

with a universe that wasn’t in some spectacular state of discord. Even after having made a habit

of saving reality together, she knew all but nothing about what could be considered his normal

day to day.


   Readings now showed that Jaska had penetrated the stratosphere. His suit temperatures

had soared into the red and the bright orange glow emanating from his very body caused him to

squeeze his eyes shut, the tinted visor doing little to keep the light out. Sound still poured into

Jaska’s ears however. The roar of re-entry blocked out everything but the creaking of the suit, its

joints barely holding together under the massive force.

         Eight minutes until impact.

   Time was ticking away on the clock, now indicating only fifteen minutes left in the lunch

period. The group had taken to playing a game of ‘Spin the Quarter’ while bemoaning an

upcoming algebra test. Having no input on the subject of mathematics, Katsumi found herself

content to keep knocking the quarter away from her when it came in her direction. While she was

certain the silver coin was spinning at blistering speeds, to Katsumi its rotation seemed slow and

dull. Over the past year of training she had slowly become acclimated to the fact that time no

longer flowed at the mostly constant rate that she had enjoyed for much of her life. Her

perceptions had changed so dramatically that she sometimes found herself living in a slow

motion universe. Luckily Katsumi’s control over the phenomenon was gradually increasing, and

she could at least turn it on at will, but it still bothered her to no end that she had yet to fully

master it.

   Of course whenever she brought it up, Jack and the other members of The Five would

simply advise her to ‘slow down’, that it was just a result of her latent control of enix exceeding

her conscious control, forcing her mind and body to outpace much of the rest of the universe.

She had been told that the other girls had been experiencing a similar problem as well, but since

the four of them had been kept separate for the most part this past year, there had been no time to

exchange notes.


   Jaska had broken through into the lowest level of atmosphere and the air was hitting him

like a brick. His decent slowed dramatically but he pulled himself into a streamlined shape and

continued on. The suit would soon disengaged and reveal his energy signature, he needed to

close as much distance as possible before that occurred.

   Four minutes until impact.

   Laying her head against the table, Katsumi kept watch on the coin, silently going over a

plan to segregate Kyle from his friends while waiting for time to shift back to its normal flow.

   “Subterfuge or force, seem to be my only two options. If I try to convince him to do it of

his own free will there is a good chance he’ll react negatively, and I’ll have to use force

anyways. On the other hand it could allow me to make my move much sooner. Then again…”


   Katsumi flicked the coin back towards Tyler, hoping her movements didn’t appear too

jerky to those operating at normal speed.

   “Fuji always advocated non-interference, and it would be easy enough to snatch him up

once he’s alone somewhere. Asking to talk to him in private would be too forward. I don’t even

know what I’d say to him if he questioned me. I’ll just have to wait until he provides the

opportunity. At the very latest I’ll take him in his sleep tonight.”


   Drawing her eyes shut, Katsumi rubbed her temple.

   “Why couldn’t they have sent me here with an actual plan? I’m no good at this ‘make it

up as you go’ thing…”


   “Umm… Katsumi?”

   Katsumi shot straight up in her seat as time suddenly shifted back to normal, only to find

Kyle staring at her with a concerned look on his face.

   “What is it?!”

   “Are we boring you here? You seemed kinda out of it.”

   “Umm… No. Well yes. I am just very tired. I am still adjusting to the change in time

zones.”

   “Ah, so you really did just get here didn’t you?”


   The joints of Jaska’s suit sprung to life. Rotating and unlocking themselves, they burst

open and fell away from his body, flying on ahead of him as he pulled back and spread out,

catching enough wind to slow himself down to a more survivable speed. Jaska could clearly see

the city spread out before him, and the scent he had caught off Coryn’s energy trail now felt like

a pulsing beacon. Finally as the last of the suit broke away, Jaska’s mass of silver hair and red

long coat were caught by the wind, bringing a sharp smile to his face.

   One minute to impact.


   Katsumi leapt to her feat as a massive chill ran down her back. She was suddenly aware

of a massive energy signature approaching at a ludicrous speed.

   “Something is coming this way! You all need to get out of here right now!”

   Kyle had hopped off of the bench as well, but was just as confused as the rest of the

crowd.

   “Katsumi what the hell are you going on about?!”

   Wasting no time, Katsumi tore at her scarf and took hold of the bronze locket hanging

around her neck. With a quick jerk she shattered the chain that held it in place and thrust the

trinket into Kyle’s face.

   “I don’t have time to explain but you need to open this locket right now!”

   “Listen I don’t-.”

   Time had run out. Still burning chunks of re-entry suit crashed through the glass roof, and

walls of the cafeteria. Glass and rubble shot out in all directions, cutting down stunned students

and faculty. Seeing that her time was completely out, Katsumi reached for the locket’s latch, but

just before she could get her fingers around it a massive chunk of suit slammed down into their

table, abruptly launching Katsumi into the nearby pillar, and scatting Kyle and his friends into

the gathering dust cloud.

   Katsumi could feel her neck snap as she hit the pillar. She could feel that it wasn’t broken

but more importantly she was suddenly aware that the locket had flown from her hand during the

impact. Fighting to stay conscious she pulled her head back up and scanned the room. Most of

the students were fleeing in a panic. A small few were trying to help their friends, and at least a

dozen seemed to be paralyzed with shock. She estimated that roughly a hundred dead littered the

room, but all she cared about was Kyle’s safety, if he died, Coryn died with him.

   Trying to pick her body back up, Katsumi was quickly thwarted in her plans as one last

object slammed through the roof and onto the tile floor. The ensuing shock wave planted

Katsumi back against the pillar again, and looking up she tried to rationalize what she was

seeing.

   A lanky man who towered at least six and a half feet tall stood before her, silver hair

obscuring his face. He wore what looked like the coat of a naval captain from the eighteenth

century, though the sleeves seemed to have been hemmed all the way back to his elbows. Blood

began pouring into the shallow crater he had created, a grim match with the hue of his coat.

   Jaska lifted his head up, yellow eyes gleaming in the midday sun. Instantly he found

himself concentrated on a boy crumpled up against the base of a shattered wall. The Spider had

found its quarry.

Will review stories upon request. My latest arc: http://goo.gl/KYgsfF

Offline legomaestro

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Re: Coryn's Saga Arc 3
« Reply #74 on: July 23, 2013, 01:40:58 PM »
That went pretty well with me to be honest, but i guess i'm not really that reliable of a critic for these kinds of things. The switches between the two wasn't disorienting, and the fact that real real people in a school died just like that was a bit of a shock. I thought Katsumi was more naive and innocent to brush off deaths like that, but i guess she likes Coryn that much huh.

This Jasker person looks like an interesting fellow. Looking forward to see how it pans out as always.

On this energy signature thing, does enix act like reiatsu to an extent? I know it's like the fabric of everything but when a powerful enix user exists they have a higher potential of enix in them right? It's not purely like a quincy simply manipulates energy? (Dunno if you get what i'm asking...)