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Author Topic: Some Idea  (Read 1925 times)

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Offline stickmanex

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Some Idea
« on: August 30, 2011, 11:27:22 PM »
Well I've been thinking of a new shonen manga idea and I seem pretty confident on working on it. Well here's the plot of story or whatever (this isn't final):

The story revolves around a 15 year old boy name Shou and his best friend, Lenna. They're students of an academy which trains Adepts - gifted people who uses the power of the elements (fire, water, wind, earth) to fight demons. In this fantasy wold, humans are born with 1 (only) element, and thus can only control/use that type. Also, Adepts are classified into these categories: Knight(melee), Mage(cast magic to fight), Cleric(heals/defensive magic), and Sharpshooters(guns, bows, range weapons). Strong adepts, such as the teachers are called the Master Adepts, while the strongest Adept is called the "Grandmaster" and he/she rules over the academy. Shou, a Adept Knight, want to become a Grandmaster really bad, and the only way to become one is to collect demon souls, enough to satisfied the masters. With Lenna, a cleric, by his side, Shou is confident he will accomplish his goal.

One day, after a demon-hunting mission, Shou and Lenna returns to the Academy. There, they discovered that the Grandmaster was killed by an unknown enemy. Based on the type of element found, it seems that the Grandmaster was killed by "dark"-based attacks, and the dark element is only borned to powerful demons! Realizing that even the Grandmaster wasn't able to defeat this assassin, the Academy's master adepts declared that whoever defeat this unknown assassin will be named the next Grandmaster! With this thought in mind, Shou and Lenna begin their adventures searchin for this "Dark Assassin". Along the way they'll meet new friends, enemies, etc. (Shou is earth-type, and Lenna is water-type)

Good, right? Please help suggesting a Title, the academy's name, and recommendations. If you're suggesting stuff to add that could be named, I'd appreciate it if you named that certain stuff as well.
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Offline Coryn

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Re: Some Idea
« Reply #1 on: August 31, 2011, 12:05:50 AM »
well to be frank it's pretty cliche. school that teaches certain gifted indiviuals to use there powers. and they're main task is collecting souls. you basically took soul eater and added a sprinkling of the last air bender. the concept needs help. you have to think of something that really sets this thing apart from previous stories that are similar. cause lets face it. we've seen this a million times.

also the idea of whoever defeats this super powerful demon becomes the next grandmaster just isn't reasonable. especially when you have students trying to kill it as well. it's just not reasonable and logistically it's a nightmare. i mean it would be like if a real life school had its principle die. and was all like "Whoever does good enough on this test gets to be the new principle." doesn't make much sense now does it?


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Offline ChiefSosa300

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Re: Some Idea
« Reply #2 on: September 01, 2011, 03:55:07 PM »
i hve 2 agree with coryn nt really original u might need to start re arangin ur plot and settings 2 make the story more interisting
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Offline legomaestro

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Re: Some Idea
« Reply #3 on: September 05, 2011, 03:38:13 PM »
Hmmm, i don't feel much interest for the story. I'm thinking you should completely restructure the plot and rewrite everything because as it is I see Mass Effect and Ao No Exorcist within the story. The story seems too flat on its own. Think on what you want to present to the reader. What's your goal in writing the story? And work from there.

Offline LaFemmePennie93

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Re: Some Idea
« Reply #4 on: September 06, 2011, 06:56:12 PM »
I agree that it is a bit cliche but there's still potential for a good story there with some minor changes. Eventhough it's been overdone, I like the academy angle. Find a way to make the demon hunting really stand apart. I'd get rid of the whole knight/mage/sharpshooter thing as when I read that my first thought was 'that sounds more like an mmo than a manga.'