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Author Topic: Is this alright for a new Manga idea ?  (Read 3160 times)

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Offline ChiefSosa300

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Is this alright for a new Manga idea ?
« on: April 16, 2011, 07:22:34 PM »
So basicly I was chillin and then i thought of a rough idea.

The story is introduced by several scenes.

At the scene of a kidnap Two criminals drag the innocent 15 year old girl and dash her in the back of the boot tied up in duck tape, 2AM midnight. At these times Ace (MAIN CHACRACTER) was busy chasing gangsters who tried to rob a local store. No he wasnt a police or a cop neither a detective. But he always thought himself as being a hero because he grew up watching cop films and super hero movies and became inspired. Ace was only a mere young 15 year old but had potentiall skills but he never showed it becuase he doesnt know his own strengths yet.

Meanwhile a boy named Change was camping outside a game store to get the new edition of the famous massive multiplayer online game called Core soul online. Sleep was a waste of time for him so he kept banging out his portable hand held console that he charged the day before all day. He enjoyed video games but then while he was having so much fun a mean thug from the local gang called ''Money motivation''  snatched it out his hand. And said '' Blood Gimme that before i stab you'' then as he snatched it out his hand. The unarmed hero Ace arrived with no talents or skills whatsoever except for running and bluffing.

The gangster boy thought ace he was an undercover cop so he didnt want to stop at any risk he put the game in his pocket and started speeding off in the dark. Ace promised Change he would get his game back for him, so Ace followed after Remi, untill he turned a corner and there was no one but them two in a alley way. Remi started to doubt Ace as an officail and picked up a pole, ''Hey pig wheres youre gun use it if youre bad''.

 Ace didnt have a gun neither a tazer or a club. He had no weapon and he was about to be found out. Everyone thought he was a undercover neighbour hood cop, ''Hey pig, why you stalling arrest me then''. Ace was confused and didnt know what to do. Ace was liturally screwed he had no way out of it and he didnt know what to do. Remii so the fear in his eyes and crept closer to him, in the suspension Ace was shivering in fear, all those times of pretending to be a cop and look whats happened to him now.

 Remii aproaches him taking a knife out of his underwear and holding it to Ace's face. He whispers in his ear '' This is what you get for stuntin on the real G's''. Then he holds the knife up.'' with this short blade. I will end youre life, the roads are cold kid and your paying the price.'' he thrust the knife in his stomach and blood drips. Ace his eyes widen and his face becomes pale, he then galls to the ground. With his eyes closed and blood dripping out everywhere.

As the young boy falls to his dreadful death he feels an aproach. And a white light is shone towards him coming from the end of the alleyway. Was he in heaven? there was a voice of a little girl singing, then the voice became clearer and as it does time started to freeze she came closer and closer to him and finally she came to him. And held his hand, then the light shone everywhere. And everything was going back the blood went back into his stomach his clothes sewed up and time went back to the time when he chased remi into the alleyway.

Lets retry things, as remii ran into the alleyway so did ace, but this time ace jumped on one of the ladders that went ontop of the roof. Ace stood there waiting without a plan he knew what he was going to do already. Remii sought this out '' Is this what you plan on doing? cuase it's not going to work if you think im that stupid.'' Remii implied. And ace was left there to stare at him without a reply,Remi acknowledged the 10 second silence he took the knife out of his ankle strap. Then walked closely to him, closer , closer , closer Ace walked back a bit , then a bit, and a bit. But he only cornered himself into the edge. This was his second chance to live. Theres a small chance he will get another one his life has summed up to the last chapter and the curtains are closing.

Remii takes out the knife and pulls it to ace,'' You see this is what you get for messin wit the real G's the streets aint a place to mess around wit especiially at this time of the day, Youre not even a cop! Dis punk wasted ma time in my hood, nah you know who i am il waste you biatch. Anything to say?''. He didnt reply ace was to shocked I mean what was ace thinking pretending to be a hero and chasing bad guys around with nothing but a toy bb gun he bought of some weird salesman.

The atmostphere was tense and the air got thick, heart rates where increasing in only a short minute of silence. Remii gripped the Handle of the short kitchen blade tightley and grabbed ace's chest with the other hand. Thien he pushed his hand forward to slice through his skin. But in midway he stopped, his eyes widened, and Ace opened his eyes and looked at remii suprised. Then he released his gripp on the blade, and looks down only to see another blade going right through his back into his stomach. It was just stock there, no one senced a third apearence. It was a mystery, Remi's eyes dulled and his pupil vanished. His eyes rolled up, his eyelids closed and he lost his breath as he crumbled to the floor. The man who runned the streets, finnaly fell to his death. After all those he killed but who was it? Ace widened his eyes and a lightning bolt went right through his body as he was shocked to see who it was. Out of all people how could it be, this person....

So who do you think it is???
« Last Edit: April 18, 2011, 03:41:33 PM by BurnSkulls »
Our motto on our hard days of training “To be stronger than yesterday” If i have to I’ll be stronger than a half day ago, even a minute ago.
 - Rock Lee

Offline Coryn

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Re: Is this alright for a new Manga idea ?
« Reply #1 on: April 16, 2011, 07:27:20 PM »
sounds like the set up for kickass. it doesnt really feel like manga though. thats probably due to the language being used.

Will review stories upon request. My latest arc: http://goo.gl/KYgsfF

Offline ChiefSosa300

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Re: Is this alright for a new Manga idea ?
« Reply #2 on: April 16, 2011, 07:38:49 PM »
About that I changed and modyfied a post so read again if you want
« Last Edit: April 18, 2011, 03:42:57 PM by BurnSkulls »
Our motto on our hard days of training “To be stronger than yesterday” If i have to I’ll be stronger than a half day ago, even a minute ago.
 - Rock Lee

Offline ChiefSosa300

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Re: Is this alright for a new Manga idea ?
« Reply #3 on: April 18, 2011, 04:00:28 PM »
Wait theres an alternate ending to the end of the first chapter


The atmostphere was tense and the air got thick, heart rates where increasing in only a short minute of silence. Remii gripped the Handle of the short kitchen blade tightley and grabbed ace's chest with the other hand. Thien he pushed his hand forward to slice through his skin. But in midway he stopped, his eyes widened, and Ace opened his eyes and looked at remii suprised. Then he released his gripp on the blade, and looks down only to see another blade going right through his back into his stomach.

It was just stock there, no one senced a third apearence. It was a mystery, Remi's eyes dulled and his pupil vanished. His eyes rolled up, his eyelids closed and he lost his breath as he crumbled to the floor. The man who runned the streets, finnaly fell to his bloody death. He lived by the blade, he shall die by the blade. As the heart rates decreased and everything slowed down, Time froze again, but this time Ace didnt die, no it was remii could it be for him. He didnt hear any singing neither he saw a figure. But suddenly a voice started to talk to him '' Hahaha youre becoming more and more just like youre father Ace, keep up the good work, im starting to like you. Cold blood sure runs in the family especialy yours....''. Ace tried to reply ''My father? he disapeared a long time ago what do you mean, how do you know him? ANSWER ME!!!!!!!!'' The creepy voice just luaghed as it started to fade in the darkness and the light also faded it parished along with the luagh. And Ace was left with a pounding weight on his heart, maybe it was a lock. But who whas it that killed Remii? Becuase Ace knew for a fact it wasnt him. Or was it?

Our motto on our hard days of training “To be stronger than yesterday” If i have to I’ll be stronger than a half day ago, even a minute ago.
 - Rock Lee

Offline ChiefSosa300

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Re: Is this alright for a new Manga idea ?
« Reply #4 on: April 18, 2011, 04:16:49 PM »
Oh and Im probably going to end up changing the names cuase they seem kinda crappy :/ except for one of the charecters ''Change''  but that could be a nickname I named him change for a reason though

One more thing if there is anyone that wants to assist me or take part in this story im more than glad to welcome you in becuase im mostly good at stories and thats just about it im alright at drawing i guess and research maybe but having more people means more suggestions and improvements
« Last Edit: April 19, 2011, 05:58:05 AM by BurnSkulls »
Our motto on our hard days of training “To be stronger than yesterday” If i have to I’ll be stronger than a half day ago, even a minute ago.
 - Rock Lee

Offline gstar244

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Re: Is this alright for a new Manga idea ?
« Reply #5 on: May 15, 2011, 01:46:53 PM »
man i love your stories they give me that uk feel in remii's dialect, also i found it very humerus and at the end  was left thinkin it was 'change' (as it is, and as the literal meaning goes) that came and helped weak little young but strong minded Ace..lol  ..

Offline ChiefSosa300

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Re: Is this alright for a new Manga idea ?
« Reply #6 on: May 16, 2011, 02:00:58 PM »
Loooool Oh my Gaard sum1 finnaly replied i mean i fort my idea  was crap cuz no one replied but u saved this manga's life lool
Our motto on our hard days of training “To be stronger than yesterday” If i have to I’ll be stronger than a half day ago, even a minute ago.
 - Rock Lee

Offline everlastin01

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Re: Is this alright for a new Manga idea ?
« Reply #7 on: May 16, 2011, 03:51:51 PM »
i like it alot
 you misspelled laugh in the alternate ending
just luaghed as it started to fade in the darkness and the light also faded it parished along with the luagh.
do you have word 2007 because if you don't i can spell check for you....no affense
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Offline ChiefSosa300

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Re: Is this alright for a new Manga idea ?
« Reply #8 on: May 16, 2011, 04:13:56 PM »
Yh i gt 2007 but i just typed it in the post it wud be a better idea to write it on word then copy and paste considering all the mistakes i made by accidently going a page back
Our motto on our hard days of training “To be stronger than yesterday” If i have to I’ll be stronger than a half day ago, even a minute ago.
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Offline everlastin01

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Re: Is this alright for a new Manga idea ?
« Reply #9 on: May 16, 2011, 07:46:38 PM »
oh.....i also noticed when you copy and paste the scroll thingy goes haywire
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Offline ChiefSosa300

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Re: Is this alright for a new Manga idea ?
« Reply #10 on: May 17, 2011, 02:01:40 AM »
lol   ;)
Our motto on our hard days of training “To be stronger than yesterday” If i have to I’ll be stronger than a half day ago, even a minute ago.
 - Rock Lee