I'm not a fan of romance but i managed to go through the story pretty easily. For a so-called amateur writer you're on a pretty solid standing narrative and grammar-wise. The story is interesting, but i have misgivings on whether it will have its own element of uniqueness that sets it apart from the rest. I hope reading the next chapters will clear this up, and i definately will read them.
I think i may have seen one or two things that didn't quite fit with the timeline. But i'm not really sure. The fisherman talking about percentages seemed a little odd. Was the concept of percentage all-ready introduced in that time period?
Also Edwin said 'not everyone... is a fan of your father' That also seemed out of place. But let me repeat, i'm not sure.
Also i gotta ask, is that drawing made by you?
Anyhow it looks very promising, i'll be following it whenever i can.
I'm not really sure if I'm going to continue it though. Even though I know some things about the Edo period, I can't seem to put the wording down correctly in my writing. This was actually a oneshot but because I got a lot of responses to continue it on another forum, I thought I'd try it out.
Thanks for your reply though. :) It only became this way because I edited it so many times. It was horrible at first with lots of mistakes and errors.
Now that you mention it....the first thing I spotted was the butler wearing a black suit. I need to change his clothing. Hmm I think it percentage was around during that time. The Edo period was around the 16th-18th century I think. But how about instead I put, "Come here and get your fish for half off!!" Less confusing, don't you think? Or at least more simple for me, cause I don't have to wonder if they did have it around back then lol.
O.O That really does sound out of place. Lets seeeee....I can change it to, "You should remember Princess, not everyone outside of your big castle are on your Father's side."
or
"You should remember Princess, not everyone outside of your big castle aren't your Father's allies.”
Hmm I wonder which one I should. What do you think?
Oh, I spotted something else thanks to you!
"That fisherman
hit it on the mark when he called you princess." Doesn't sound right. I'll change that to, "If the fishermen had a better education, he could have discovered the truth by the way you talked. We'll have to work on that as well."
Umm...I think that's better. *nods*
X No way! I can't draw at all. My drawing is really horrible, I mean stick people horrible :Embarrassed: lol. That picture is from an anime. I just did some Photoshop editing.
Anyhow, lol, thanks for taking the time read and apply to this even though you aren't into romance. :)