June 15, 2019, 04:38:10 PM

------------------------------------------

If you have Login Problems Use the Login in Top Menu Bar


------------------------------------------
If you have a problem registering here, Leave a msg at our FB Page >> Here.

Plz Don't use Hotmail to Register. You might not receive Activation mail. Use Other free mail provider like Gmail or Yahoo.






Author Topic: A Princess and Her Butler  (Read 1534 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Loveless

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 47
  • Gender: Female
  • Daydreamer
    • View Profile
A Princess and Her Butler
« on: November 01, 2010, 10:35:00 PM »
Hmm I was going to post this new, hopefully, on-going story I'm working on, but first I wanted to finish up these two short stories I'm working on. For now, I'll just post this one short story, my goal is to finish this in 13 chapters, like a 13 episode anime.

This story focuses mostly on romance and tragedy. But it also has a fairly amount of action in it. The setting is in the Edo Period in Japan. After I finish this I'll start on my hopefully, on-going story called, "A Samurai's Bloody Revenge" Look forward to it!

P.S I'm an amateur writer lol so criticisms are welcome. :)



Genres: Romance, Gender Bender, Action, Tragedy

Contents

Chapter 1: The Secret of A King
Chapter 2: A Princess to A Commoner

Coming Up

Chapter 4: Rough-Gentle Hands



Chapter 1: The Secret of A King

Being the middle sibling of Royalty, was as good as not having an existence. I was the princess who was always ignored. My parents didn’t care about me, my sisters were always busy with this and that, all of the servants focused on serving them and I had never even met my older brother. Because each sister had a very important role to play in society, I was the only one who was left behind, useless. No one would grant me wishes.

…Except for one very special person. My butler. He’s been with me now for the past five years. The first time he came here, he was supposed to be assigned to my eldest sister. But for some unfathomable reason, he refused. He said that there was only one princess that he would serve, and if they wouldn’t allow it then he had no other reason to stay.

The only reason why my family didn’t turn him away or the reason why he didn’t end up with his head cut off was because he was the most famous and wanted butler in the world. He cooks, cleans, even has the strength to protect the person he serves. Soon he became my most important person, my light in this dark fortress. Even now though I still don’t understand why he would turn away the opportunity of serving the next Empress-to-be. I’m too afraid to ask him, to hear his answer.

Once in a while my Mother would call for him and that he cannot refuse, unless he wants to see the next sunrise with his head attached to his shoulder, that is. I believe she’s doing this to spite me. For some reason she’s always hated me. Her other three daughters have something similar to her in looks; hair, eyes, skin tone. Except for me that is. I always wondered why.

On my 16th birthday, which was a few days back, my father called for me. He and I were alone as we talked, not even servants or butlers were with us. He said to me, that the Mother I see before me everyday is not the Mother who gave birth to me, that I was the hidden illegitimate child of his Mistress.

That Mistress was the girl he fell in love with when he was a Prince, unfortunately she did not have the qualifications, as in status, to be his wife. So he married another with high status with the condition that his first love was to become his Mistress. No one saw anything wrong with that condition, even she agreed to it. After several years he was blessed with three daughters and a son with his wife, but during this time his Mistress was also pregnant with me.

Father told me that my sisters know of this as well, that it was the reason they didn’t try to get along with me. I understood that, I would have felt the same as well. Having to look at the face of a child who did not belong in their world. I was the child of the “other” woman.

After making sure we we’re alone and telling me the secret that‘s been hidden for years, Father took my hand in his and said, “Listen here. I might not be able to give you a lot of support from now on. When your Mother realizes I’ve told you, God knows what she’ll do. I want you to live your life without the restriction of these walls. You should leave here, and go somewhere safe. You’ve always wanted to see what it was like outside of the castle, right?”

That’s right, I’ve always wondered what it was like outside of this horrible prison. Were there lots of trees, was the sun brighter, how did the commoners live? I had so many questions. It was only natural for someone who has only saw the walls of a castle. I wasn’t allowed outside much, I guess I now know why. Father…why are you telling me this now?

“Take your butler with you. I’ll only be able to provide you limited means of survival; money and an escort. Once you settle down somewhere send notice to me and I’ll send you money every once in a while without them being aware. If you want to search for your birth mother, she should be living on the east part of the Ludwig town. Her name is…”

To be able to talk to my birth mother, I wonder what she would think about me. Would she hate me? Despise the child who came from the man she used to love? Should I search for her? With those questions pounding in my head, I left the castle with my butler by my side. As we stood in front of the gate, I looked up at him and asked, “Do you think I should look for her? Am I allowed to wish that she’ll open her arms for me.”

He smiled at me and said, “You’re allowed to wish anything.”

“Then, I wish to look for her. I want to know what she’s like, why my Father fell in love with her. I hope you’ll listen to my selfish requests.”

On his knees, with his head bowed and his hand over his heart he whispered ever so softly for my ears alone, “It would be a pleasure, my Princess.”

At that time, I was unaware of the ever so closing tragedy, that would change everything.



Chapter 2: A Princess to A Commoner

“Come here and get your fish for half off!! The offer will only last a limited time! You there! Little Princess would you like to buy some fish. They’re fresh from the ocean! HAHAHA.”

My eyes wide, I stare at the live fish the man is waving around in front of me. Fresh indeed. “Thank you kind man but I am not in need of fish,” I said to him respectively.

“Sure thing little Princess.” The confused man said, then went back to work (waving fish in people’s face).

“Did I say something wrong, Edwin?” I look up at Edwin, only to see him smiling. A laugh was hidden behind that smile. “What is it?”

“Nothing, Princess.”

If you’re wondering who Edwin is, he’s my butler. The one who agreed to accompany me on this long journey. After three days of traveling on foot we we’re finally able to reach a village in which we could rest and buy supplies, as Edwin puts it.

“…cess…Princess!”

I look up to see that he had called me for a while. “Oh, what is it?”

“I’m sure you’ve noticed that we’re drawing a lot of attention to ourselves. Even though you’re wearing a dress of low noble status, it’s dangerous to leave it as it is. We should buy a change of clothes for you and work on the way you talk."

I bite my lower lip, hesitating. If I got rid of my dress it would be one less thing that would prove I was a person with Nobel status, that I was a Princess. Most of all it would be one less thing to connect me to my Father. Even though I know he’s right, I don’t want to get rid of it, though I guess this isn’t the time to be thinking about that. “Alright then, I’ll leave the clothing to you.”

About thirty minutes later, we we’re in a clothing shop. I stood in front of the mirror glancing down at myself and looking at my butler who reflected in the mirror. “Edwin? I know I agreed to dress down a little, however may I ask you why in the world am I wearing men clothing and not to mention this plain, small, hat atop of my head?”

He clears his throat and answers in a amused tone, “It’s safer for you to dress as a male than female. Females are more vulnerable. I'll protect you, of course, but in case we end up getting separated for some reason I want to make sure you're safe. The hat is to hide your long hair. Besides Princess, you look much more adorable as a boy, don’t you think?”

“Edwin!” I could feel my cheeks starting to get warm by his words. Is he saying I’m not that cute as a female?! “Then...h-how do I look like as a boy?” Wait, was it even the right time to be worrying about that? What did he mean by getting separated?

“Since you have some male features, it’s easier to fool people. You should remember Princess, not everyone outside of your big castle are allies of your Father.”

I turn around to look at him, “What do you mean?”

He sighs. “Rebels, hired assassins and probably other unknowns are against the King, ever since he allied with our long-term enemy, Emperor Soga of Silla.”

“He only did those things to protect everyone’s lives. He didn’t have a choice, war would have broken out.”

“I know but for now let’s rest in this village, I’ll go buy a horse. Will you be able to get lodging for us, for the night?”

I nod my head.

“Well then,” he said smiling. “I’ll be quick, Hiromi.”

I look at his back, and for some reason I can't help but feel uneasy. What he said had started to bother me, about how a lot of people dislike my father. For some reason I couldn’t shake off the feeling that he was hiding something more from me.

...Wait, did he call me by my first name?! “EDWIN!” I was sure I was blushing that time. It was the first he was informal with me. Even though it was embarrassing, it made me happy. But I wonder why he chose then to say my name.


« Last Edit: November 08, 2010, 01:58:00 AM by Loveless »
"This development is on the same level as some second-rate fiction novel." -Saiunkoku Monogatari, Kou, episode 18

Offline legomaestro

  • High Chancellor of Righteousness
  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 19362
  • Gender: Male
  • real life has wack graphics
    • View Profile
Re: A Princess and Her Butler
« Reply #1 on: November 02, 2010, 11:41:13 AM »
I'm not a fan of romance but i managed to go through the story pretty easily. For a so-called amateur writer you're on a pretty solid standing narrative and grammar-wise. The story is interesting, but i have misgivings on whether it will have its own element of uniqueness that sets it apart from the rest. I hope reading the next chapters will clear this up, and i definately will read them.

I think i may have seen one or two things that didn't quite fit with the timeline. But i'm not really sure. The fisherman talking about percentages seemed a little odd. Was the concept of percentage all-ready introduced in that time period?

Also Edwin said 'not everyone... is a fan of your father' That also seemed out of place. But let me repeat, i'm not sure.

Also i gotta ask, is that drawing made by you?

Anyhow it looks very promising, i'll be following it whenever i can.

Offline Loveless

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 47
  • Gender: Female
  • Daydreamer
    • View Profile
Re: A Princess and Her Butler
« Reply #2 on: November 03, 2010, 12:32:53 AM »
I'm not a fan of romance but i managed to go through the story pretty easily. For a so-called amateur writer you're on a pretty solid standing narrative and grammar-wise. The story is interesting, but i have misgivings on whether it will have its own element of uniqueness that sets it apart from the rest. I hope reading the next chapters will clear this up, and i definately will read them.

I think i may have seen one or two things that didn't quite fit with the timeline. But i'm not really sure. The fisherman talking about percentages seemed a little odd. Was the concept of percentage all-ready introduced in that time period?

Also Edwin said 'not everyone... is a fan of your father' That also seemed out of place. But let me repeat, i'm not sure.

Also i gotta ask, is that drawing made by you?

Anyhow it looks very promising, i'll be following it whenever i can.

I'm not really sure if I'm going to continue it though. Even though I know some things about the Edo period, I can't seem to put the wording down correctly in my writing. This was actually a oneshot but because I got a lot of responses to continue it on another forum, I thought I'd try it out.

Thanks for your reply though. :) It only became this way because I edited it so many times. It was horrible at first with lots of mistakes and errors.

Now that you mention it....the first thing I spotted was the butler wearing a black suit. I need to change his clothing. Hmm I think it percentage was around during that time. The Edo period was around the 16th-18th century I think. But how about instead I put, "Come here and get your fish for half off!!" Less confusing, don't you think? Or at least more simple for me, cause I don't have to wonder if they did have it around back then lol.

O.O That really does sound out of place. Lets seeeee....I can change it to, "You should remember Princess, not everyone outside of your big castle are on your Father's side."

or

"You should remember Princess, not everyone outside of your big castle aren't your Father's allies.”

Hmm I wonder which one I should. What do you think?

Oh, I spotted something else thanks to you!

"That fisherman hit it on the mark when he called you princess." Doesn't sound right. I'll change that to, "If the fishermen had a better education, he could have discovered the truth by the way you talked. We'll have to work on that as well."

Umm...I think that's better. *nods*

X No way! I can't draw at all. My drawing is really horrible, I mean stick people horrible :Embarrassed: lol. That picture is from an anime. I just did some Photoshop editing.

Anyhow, lol, thanks for taking the time read and apply to this even though you aren't into romance.  :)


"This development is on the same level as some second-rate fiction novel." -Saiunkoku Monogatari, Kou, episode 18

Offline matsurinoaoi

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 958
  • Gender: Female
    • View Profile
Re: A Princess and Her Butler
« Reply #3 on: November 03, 2010, 07:12:03 PM »
I think it sounds promising so far (<-feebly attempting to critique). Though if I were to offer advice, the first chapter has a lot of "telling" rather than "showing". If there were instead a way of letting the reader know about the events without having the main character narrate it, it might be more interesting. Bah, I hope I don't sound mean DX

Offline legomaestro

  • High Chancellor of Righteousness
  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 19362
  • Gender: Male
  • real life has wack graphics
    • View Profile
Re: A Princess and Her Butler
« Reply #4 on: November 04, 2010, 06:31:25 AM »
you're welcome Loveless, and really, go with what you want. Anyhow the corrections you suggested seem reasonable enough.

It's a pity that you may not continue it though. Maybe make it a short story? Not every story has to be a gigantic adventure.

Offline Loveless

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 47
  • Gender: Female
  • Daydreamer
    • View Profile
Re: A Princess and Her Butler
« Reply #5 on: November 04, 2010, 02:44:42 PM »
matsurinoaoi - Thanks for reading. Hmm I understand what you're saying. The reason it's like that is because this was originally a oneshot, I just got to lazy to change it around lol.

maestro - :) Thank you. I'll make changes to those soon then! Well, that's what I was thinking of doing at first. Write it in 13 or less chapters. I might do less though lol.
"This development is on the same level as some second-rate fiction novel." -Saiunkoku Monogatari, Kou, episode 18

Offline Loveless

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 47
  • Gender: Female
  • Daydreamer
    • View Profile
Re: A Princess and Her Butler
« Reply #6 on: November 08, 2010, 01:50:43 AM »
Chapter 3: Such A Refined Villain


“Have you heard?”

“About the villain who wears a mask, attacking nobles?”

“Isn’t it scary. We should be more careful!”

With my back against the wall, as I bit into my apple, I listened carefully to the passing whispers. It’s been two days since we reached Ludwig, the place where most nobles resided. It took us two weeks get here.

Now that I think about it, I should have asked Father why Mother was living in this part of town. Perhaps she had become the Mistress of another noble? That thought wasn’t pleasant for me somehow.

While we traveled here, Edwin was strict in his “How to act like a male,” lessons. I had to practice how to stand like a male, eat and talk like male. Every-time I did something wrong, he would sigh and every-time I did it the right way he would say, “Not yet.” I never knew he was so…so bossy! Back at the castle, he was more sincere. It’s like he’s become a different person.

 And could you believe, the reason why he called me by my formal name was only because calling me Princess in public would cause confusion, as he puts it.

When we reached Ludwig, Edwin has been going around town, trying to find clues about my mother’s whereabouts. But it wasn’t easy, the town was divided into six sections. It was a very huge place. He told me that I could go out on my own only during the day and only if I carried the knife he gave me at my waist. What use would it have, if I didn’t know how to use it? I slid the knife halfway out and stared at it.

“Stop him! Don’t let him get away?”

Looking up from my knife, there was man being chased from what looked like a dozen guards. I watch in awe as the man ran past others without bumping into them. He had long, black hair, tied into a ponytail and a tanned skin with a black and white mask that covered half his face, but I still was able to see the emerald color of his eyes. He looks close to my age, maybe even younger. I can only stare, as he came closer to me and even though he was getting chased, he was laughing.

“He’s the thief whose been stealing from the nobles!”

I slide my knife out, waiting until I can attack. Well, as they say, the more experience you have the stronger you get…or something like that. When he reaches me, before I could even move, he grabs my hand, with the knife, in his and pulls me to his chest. The guards stop.

“If you wish to see this boy unharmed, you’ll turn your backs. I‘m sure you don‘t wish to have murder on your hands,” he says with a voice that was surprisingly gentle, while he had the knife pointed to my neck.

The guards, one by one turn their backs to us. He quickly then pulls me with him, and runs. We ran until we reached a place where no one were. He lets go of my hands, and then amazingly, he hands me my knife, and bows. “I apologize for pulling you into this.”

He grins. I raise my eyebrows. "Is that really an apology?" Before I could get his answer, he disappears. And the day came to an end, as if nothing ever happened.

When I went back to the place where Edwin and I were staying, I said to him, pulling out the knife, “Teach me how to fight.”


« Last Edit: November 08, 2010, 01:55:10 AM by Loveless »
"This development is on the same level as some second-rate fiction novel." -Saiunkoku Monogatari, Kou, episode 18