here's the edited version of chapter one for the writer's anthology. wont claim its perfect but it's better. if you disagree with anything feel free to change it. also for future reference: you seem to want to use all ways when you should use always
---Chapter 1: Life in Shelter Rho---
Dad: Chione, you might want to hurry up or else you’re going to miss it.
*Chione is rushing through the house grabbing her stuff. She checks a standing mirror quickly as she runs by. Finally she meets her dad at the front door to her apartment cave like thingy. (which is on the outskirts of the shelter village)*
Chione: Ok, I think that’s everything.
*Dad looks her over, checking clothes and such then zips the back of her jacket down hiding her tail. Then pulls her hood up and over her ears*
Dad: Hood’s on, jacket’s zipped up… You have some of your daggers on you?
*Chione sighs*
Chione: Yes Dad.
*Dad turns Chione back towards him and puts his hands on her shoulders*
Dad: Now Chione, listen. Don’t let anyone see your ears or your tail. I mean anyone. They will try to kill you on the spot and I would like to have you home tomorrow. You still owe me a dinner remember?
*Chione laughs and hugs her dad.*
Chione: Alright Dad, I’ll be careful.
*Chione bends down and pats her little brother on the head (He just ran up to his dad's side while Chione was being inspected.)
Chione: You have some fun tonight with Daddy ok? I’ll be back later tonight.
*Her little brother looks down, kind of sad looking.*
Little Brother: Ok… Bye Sis.
*Chione heads out the door and a bit down the street. Her dad and little brother follow her to just out the door*
Chione: Bye Dad!
*Chione starts running down the street then her dad calls after her.*
Dad: Chione!…Happy Birthday sweetie. *Dad and the little brother are smiling and waving goodbye.*
*Chione turns around a backpedals a bit.*
Chione: Thanks Daddy! *Waving with a big smile.*
*Chione turns around and runs down the street into the village/town.*
*Chione comes out of a small alley into the village square where there is a large bonfire, a band playing music, and plenty of couples dancing.*
Chione Thinking: Good, I didn’t miss the festival yet.
*Chione smiles and walks over to a corner of the square with only a few people and leans against the wall to watch the people dancing.*
Chione Thinking: I’m so happy Dad let me come to the Winter Solstice. It must be because it’s on my birthday this year. He doesn’t have to worry about me so much though. I can take care of myself if I have to. He’s always so strict about where I can go and what I can do. I practically never get to go out on my own. I guess it just means he cares though… He probably doesn’t want what happened to Mom to happen to me.
*A young man approaches Chione and extends his hand to her bowing slightly.*
Dancing Teen: Excuse me miss, but uh… I was wondering if you would join me for this next dance.
*Chione looks a little panicked as the teen says this.*
Chione Thinking: Oh crap! He’s talking to me! I can’t go dancing I’ll stand out too much!... Well if I only go for one song nothing can happen right? I have all ways wanted to do this, might as well take my chance!
*Chione takes her hand and starts walking towards the dancers with the teen. They get into classic waltz position and Chione has a worried look on her face*
Dancing Teen: Don’t worry if you can’t dance too well, just follow my lead and you’ll be fine. *Soft encouraging smile on his face.*
*The dance begins and Chione slowly gets into it, becoming more confident as the song goes on. Finally the big finale of the song and then end with the teen twisting Chione down into the classic ending pose where she is horizontal with the floor and the teen is bending over her. She is having a great time but then her hood falls off her head and the teen drops her on the ground.*
Dancing Teen: You…You have Ears!
*Chione gets up and backs away slowly with her hands up and a guilty “Oh crap.” smile on her face.*
Chione: Err… yah most people have ears.
*someone in the crows screams and everyone freezes to stare at Chione*
Crowd 1: It’s a Chimera!
Crowd 2: Run! Everybody Run!
Crowd 3: Someone kill it quick before it attacks!
*A sword flies out of the crowd towards Chione. She jumps back, her cloak flying open as she grabs two Ring daggers from inside. She lands with her arms crossed in a low crouch. (defensive looking). Another sword comes from the crowd from Chione’s left. She blocks with her left dagger and grabs the man’s arm with her right hand, pulling him into the empty space that’s formed. He lands on his shoulders and rolls onto his back. The sword slides on the ground stopping just past him. Chione sees the space in the crowd left by the guy she pulled away and darts through it. She runs through the town with more armed citizens chasing after her, through small alleys until she ends up in a dead end. She can hear the guys chasing after her when a door opens on her right and Cronus stick his head out.*
Cronus: What’s going on out he- Ears!
Chione: Yes, I have ea-
Cronus: Quick, in here!
*Cronus grabs Chione’s arm and pulls her in, the door slamming shut behind her.*
Chione: What the hell!
Cronus: Shhh! *Putting his hand against her mouth.*
*The guys chasing Chione are heard running past the door thinking she’s farther down the outside street.*
Cronus: I’m going to take my hand off your mouth… be sure to be quite or they’ll her you. Ok?
*Chione nods and Cronus takes his hand off her mouth. She takes in a big gasp of air and coughs a little.*
Cronus: Hey Rhea, you can come out now!
*Some shuffling is heard and then a loud bang as Rhea falls out of the closet on the other side of the room.*
Cronus: *laughing* I think I’ll give that a seven there Rhea, could use some more practice on your form!
*Rhea jumps up and smacks Cronus on the back of his head*
Rhea: Jerk! Why’d you shove me in the damn closet!
Cronus: Well you can’t really pass as human now can you Rhea, also… It was hilarious!
Rhea: YOU BAS-
Chione: Uh, excuse me?
Rhea: Errr… (Same time as Cronus.)
Cronus: Yes kitten?
Chione Thinking: Kitten??? (Same time as below)
Chione: Ok, who are you people?
*Cronus grabs Rhea and wraps his arm around her shoulder.*
Cronus: Well, My name is Cronus. And this bundle of joy here is my sister Rhea. We’re travelers from Shelter Tau.
Chione: *Giving a funny look to Rhea.* Right…next question. Why did you help me?
Cronus: What? People can’t help each other in this shelter?
Chione: Well no but… I’m a chimera; People don’t usually offer to help when they see me. *Looking kind of down and to the side.*
Cronus: There’s your answer! We’re Chimera too! Can’t you tell by the green hair and miss crazy eyes over there? *Rhea growls at Cronus and walks back over to the closet where her back pack is sitting. She starts to fiddle with her pistols.*
Chione: Well… I guess that makes sense. Thank you then, for saving me back there.
Cronus: No prob uhhh… Say, you never told us your name.
Chione: Oh, it’s Chione. Chione Rhomartin.
Cronus: Chione… Hmm. That won’t do. From now on I’ll call you Chio!
Chione: Chio?!? Wait, what’s wrong with Chione?
*Cronus grins and sits down on a box relaxing.*
Cronus: It’s not cute enough, obviously.
Chione: Obviously?!?
Cronus: So Chio. With you being a Chimera like us, I was wondering something.
Chione: Uhh… Sure, what is it?
Cronus: Have you ever heard of Shelter Delta?
Topic: Chimera (Read 113337 times)
