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Author Topic: Beat Limit  (Read 21917 times)

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Offline Monsterful

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Re: Beat Limit
« Reply #30 on: May 12, 2010, 12:16:35 AM »
You have start somewhere xD, we all start at lvl 1 you know xD, no matter the area.

Offline [aero]

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Re: Beat Limit
« Reply #31 on: May 12, 2010, 12:20:37 AM »
true, though there are those lazy people who buy their characters off ebay.. bastards...

aaaannnd i slipped into wow mode there...



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Re: Beat Limit
« Reply #32 on: May 12, 2010, 06:23:05 AM »
Haha, well I actually have 0 stories in the bag. I still need practice with story format writing as well as script, and this is really the only time I'm ever written for someone else other than my fanfics I did anonymously. I think that your story is really good compared to my beginning works, I even believe it's better than most things I write now, danged age difference.
Arcane Judgement - Chapter 5 END (Now being reworked):

Offline Iceh

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Re: Beat Limit
« Reply #33 on: May 12, 2010, 07:52:11 AM »
Quote from: Monsterful
You have start somewhere xD, we all start at lvl 1 you know xD, no matter the area.

Love that.. so true for everything. :)
And after you finally get to a level you are happy or satisfied with.. it is so much fun to look back.... and mostly laugh you ass off at your old stuff. xDD

But Litt, you're doing a really good job if this is one of your first story format written pieces. It flows quite nicely and is just.. quite awesome. <3 You come up with great ideas.

And also..
Quote from: Litt
I haven't done much in the last while, so I have to do something like this to make up for my lack of effort.
Ahh! Don't say that. >:
I've done WAY less than you. Atleast you've done something. I mean, you've done alot though. I only have the first stage of the character designs... kinda struggling with them.. But that's normal for me..When I have a slight vision of what I want a character to look like.. I can never seem to get it... And then it's harder to design it...
Once I get the second stages done.. I'll post up all the roughs. :) Maybe you can help pick out certain pieces that you like from them...
« Last Edit: May 12, 2010, 07:54:53 AM by Iceh »

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Re: Beat Limit
« Reply #34 on: May 12, 2010, 02:34:27 PM »
I haven't done enough since I said I'd have it done by the end of this week before, and now I said Thursday, mostly cause I've got a party to go to on Friday or Saturday, but that was after the fact. Either way, I'm just trying to write a story that makes me feel comfortable with the whole shounen-ai thing, so it's really soft core and I'm better with light romance and comedy than most other genres.

I'll also help however I can, but since you're the artist, I think that your favorite would work best, I also don't know how to match guys up well but I'll try my best.
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Re: Beat Limit
« Reply #35 on: May 12, 2010, 10:41:06 PM »
This is the next part of the story, I find it's a little odd since Brandon is capable of scaling a tree without getting out of breath, not to mention the extra weight of a person on his back,  but I guess that'll just make him the super strong type. Again, let the words fly as you pick it apart and tell me the flaws. I'm going to start writing the next part now as well, I'm only at 4800 words now and I have at least 3000 more to go.

Beginning to sing a song of annoyance, the birds on the electrical wires and in the trees begin chirping late at night, or

early in the morning, however you look at it and in this moment in time within the twilight stands a lonely figure.

Brandon, who wears a gray hoodie and worn blue jeans, sits on a large tree branch, high above the ground, the tree

he sits in is of gigantic proportions compared to the other trees surrounding it. The tree stands upon a hill that gives a

view showing most of the city, in all of its tranquility.

   Brandon stares out upon the city as he leans against the trunk of the tree with his legs stretched out along the

branch’s length. He turns his gaze towards the gray sky above the city, one would expect a storm at any moment.

Words escape Brandon’s mouth, reaching his ears only, “If Ian were to be brought into the sky, soaring above...would

that make me like a tree rooted in the ground?” Pulling back a sleeve of his hoodie and a device similar to a watch

shows, it is his own beat counter. The counter shows some numbers, they seem random to us, but to people of this

world, they couldn’t possibly mean more, Brandon’s counter shows:

<Beat Limit: 3363869754>
<BPM: 80>
<Date: June 17th, 1294>

   “My days are numbered as well...but it isn’t even close to Ian’s days.” Brandon slams his fist against the tree

trunk with a pained face, “Why the hell is life so cruel...” A bird flies out of the tree, startled by the noise caused by the

impact and Brandon stares at it soaring into the sky.

   Beep, beep, beep, an alarm goes off in Ian’s room. “Uhh...” The noise Ian makes as he lazily raises himself out of

bed and his covers slip off of his torso and falls onto his lap, this reveals his bare torso and his dangling beat counter

hanging from his neck, his hair is messy and his eyes have a dazed look. Taking the covers completely off, thankfully he

wears a bottom half to cover regions inappropriate for PG-13.

   Walking through the door wearing a gray hoodie is Brandon, “Mornin’,” He says with a lax attitude, “How are you

felling today?” Closing the door behind him he finally turns to face Ian and immediately he turns back around and walks

into the door.

   Rubbing his eyes, Ian tiredly mumbles, “Are you alright?” He stands up and walks over to Brandon, though he

sways from side to side as if he were drunk.

   On all fours facing the door, Brandon holds his nose as he had caused it to hit the door, “Oww, that hurt.” He

rubs his nose without knowing of the swaying half naked boy behind him, he begins to get up now, he stands with his

knees while looking over his shoulder, “Don’t you think you should be wearing a shir- Ahh!” Hitting the door with the

back of his head this time, Brandon takes more damage.

   “Huh? A shirt?” Ian looks down and notices that he’s shirtless, “Oh, this, well it was pretty hot last night so I took

off my shirt, though it’s pretty cold this morning, isn’t it?” Ian closes in on Brandon’s face and puts his hand on

Brandon’s forehead, “Did you catch a cold? Your face is pretty red.”

   Taking Ian by the arm, he removes his hand from his forehead, “I think that could be from the damage I took to

the head.” Standing up, Brandon passes Ian and walks to the chair near Ian’s bed to sits down, “Sigh, maybe we

shouldn't head out today, it looks like it might rain.”

   “I really want to go outside today though.” Ian pouts and uses his puppy eyes on Brandon.

   “Alright.” Brandon changes his mind as quick as the stock markets change their prices.

   Showing a very confused expression, Ian tilts his head, “That easy? You aren’t going to argue?” Very confused,

Ian looks Brandon in the eyes to verify his identity, “It isn’t an imposter...did something happen?”

   Pulling up the blinds from Ian’s window, Brandon looks at the tree he was sitting in earlier with a far off stare,

“Nothing happened Ian, the weather’s probably affecting my mood.”

   “Oh.” Ian says while still questioning the real reason behind Brandon’s current personality. Ian leaves for the

bathroom to ready for the day and leaves Brandon in the room all alone.

   A drop of rain hits Ian’s window and Brandon stares at it for a full three minutes, though another drop does not

fall, “Holding back your tears as well, sky?”

   Walking back into the room, Ian notices Brandon’s intense concentration on the window but doesn’t say a word,

Brandon notices Ian, “Let’s go.” Ian says.

   “Yeah.” Brandon replies with an distant voice.

   Side to side on the sidewalk Brandon and Ian walk together. Brandon is quiet and he doesn’t make a sound, Ian

is bothered by this and so he tries to start a conversation, “Has anything interesting happened recently?”

   “...” Brandon is silent still, as if he has a wall between him and Ian.

   “Uhh, I guess that was a stupid question.” Thinking hard with his index finger pressed upon his chin, Ian rolls his

eyes up to perhaps see an idea in his head, “Do you want to go anywhere specific today?”

   “...” Again no words are heard from Brandon’s mouth.

   Looking very sad, Ian looks down at the ground as they walk, but unrelenting he tries again, he raises his head

and turns to Brandon, but he notices something between the buildings of the town and shows an expression that

would make you expect a light bulb to appear over his head, “Alright then, let’s go.”

   After a while of walking, Brandon suddenly trips and falls to the ground face first, his chest takes the fall’s force,

“Oomph!” the wind is knocked out of Brandon as he hits the ground.

   Ian quickly turns to Brandon and helps him up, “Are you alright!? You should watch where you’re going here.” He

pats the dirt off of Brandon as he helps him up.

   “I’m fine, my heart is stronger than that,” Quickly remembering who he was with, Brandon internally punches

himself in the mental face and he apologizes, “Ah, sorry, I didn’t mean-“

   Interrupting Brandon, Ian takes his arm and pulls him over a few metres, “Come on.”  Ian says, and he then turns

front on to Brandon, “Surprise.”

   Looking at his surrounding after seeing this sight, Brandon finally realizes where he is. Surrounding them on all

sides are trees, Brandon had tripped on a root before and the thing in front of Brandon right now is the tree he was

sitting in before, “This is...”

   “You kept looking over at this tree so I thought you might have wanted to come here.” Ian walks over to the tree

and rests his head against it, “This tree really is calming though, it has such a nice atmosphere.” The wind blows and

rustles the leaves and branches of the trees and hundreds of leaves begin to fall off of the large tree and dance in the


   “ were worried about me, weren’t you?” Brandon stands still and looks at Ian, past all of the falling


   His hair sways ion the wind, his eyes closed and yet they seem to stare off to somewhere so distant, “It’s my

heart that’s giving out Brandon, not my brain.” Ian says with his image seeming so at peace.

   Not saying a word Brandon looks at Ian’s face, his closed eyes, perhaps trying to discover the direction of his far-

reaching gaze, yet only after a moment Brandon speaks, “What’s that supposed to mean?” Taking a step towards

both Ian and the tree he finds so familiar.

   “It could mean nothing or it could mean something very important,” Ian says, the only part of him showing any

movement being his mouth, “It depends on what you’re feeling right now.”

   What I’m feeling right now? ...should I tell him, or keep it to myself... Brandon falls deep into thought.

   Ian cuts in on his deep thinking, “I’m not the worrywart, you can tell me.”  Ian knowing full well that Brandon did

not want to worry him.

   Brandon drops his head and he looks at his feet, his eyes hidden behind his hanging bang, but something odd

stands out, a small grin. Brandon takes in a deep breath and raises his head and exhales, he pats both of his cheeks

simultaneously, “Alright!” He shouts, surprising Ian causing him to finally open his eyes.

   “Eh?” Ian says with a puzzled look on his face.

   “No ‘Eh?’, I’m going to tell you what I’m feeling right now!” Brandon dashes, over to Ian and pats the tree with his

left hand, facing Ian he says, “I’m feeling refreshed and alive.”

   “Eh?” Ian repeats, still confused, “Weren’t you worried?”

   Brandon puts his right hand on Ian’s left shoulder, “There’s nothing to be worried about.”

   At this point Ian is in a mental mess, “But-“

   “No but.” Brandon says, interrupting Ian. Brandon then looks at the tree and stares up at the seemingly endless

height of it, “Ah, that’s right, you said that this tree had a nice atmosphere,” He turns his head back to Ian, “I’m going

to show you the full extent of that.” He kneels down back-on to Ian and points at his back with his right thumb, “Hop


   “Wait...what?” Ian had never stopped being confused since he opened his eyes, “Why?” He asks, hoping to clear

up some of his confusion.

   “You’ll see.” Not giving any real answer Brandon waits to be mounted...wait...what?

   Getting on Brandon’s anyways, Ian puts his arms around Brandon’s neck.

   “You might want to hold on tighter than that.” Brandon says as he takes Ian’s legs and wraps them around his

waist like a belt. They look as if an overgrown child asked for a piggy back.

   “Why do I have to hold on ti- Aaahh!” Ian begins to question Brandon but is interrupted as Brandon jumps a

metre into the air and clings onto the tree.

   “We’re off.” Brandon begins scaling the humongous tree, the size of the tree allowing him to easily find pieces of

peeling bark, he climbs the tree at record breaking speeds, note that no such records exist in their world anyways.

   “H-hey! This is dangerous, and what about your heart!?” His eyes closed for a completely different reason than

tranquility, Ian shows a scared expression.

   “You’ll be safe as long as you hold on, and as for my heart, I’m listening to it right now!” Bursting ahead a shred

of light is seen from behind the forest of leaves, “Almost...” Stopping for only a second Brandon drops down a little bit.

   “I have a bad feeling...”

   Pulling up with full force, Brandon flies through the opening in the leaves and reaches the top of the tree,

“...There!” He lands on a branch skilfully and helps Ian off of his back.

   Feeling his way around for a platform to stand on, Ian finds a large branch and dismounts Brandon, he slowly

opens his eyes and after taking in the sight, his jaw drops open, “This is amazing.” The sun shines now from a large

patch of sky shown from a gap in the clouds, the golden light shines down just upon Brandon and Ian, “What are the


   Brandon looks up at the sun and smiles, “That’s right, there’s no reason to be depressed...” Brandon sits down

on the branch and looks at the sun casting a light making the clouds surrounding it to turn a bright yellow.

   “Did you say something Brandon?” Ian looks down at Brandon though he keeps an eye on the magnificent light

from the corner of his eye.

   “Yeah, I did, I said from this day on, we’re going to live every single day to its fullest!” Brandon shoots his arm up,

his fist clenched.

   Ian is only slightly caught off guard this time, but his slight astonishment quickly turns into a smile with the same

radiant glow as the sun, “Yeah, that’s right, every single day.”

   The wind will not blow, the rain will not fall, and these two will not falter in their wish to live, to live every day to

the limit.

That’s right...I’m not going to make Ian to worry for his last days, I’m going to make him smile. These thoughts go

through Brandon’s head as the sun begins the set behind the mountains surrounding the town, “It’s getting kind of

late, should we head home?”

   The sun eventually hides completely behind the mountains and Ian’s stare finally returns to Brandon, “Alright, let’s


   On the ground, the two begin to walk away from the giant tree, but as they leave Brandon hears a sound of

flapping wings, though very faint, he turns his head around and looks at the tree, he sees the bird from this morning

fly back onto one of the branches and into its nest, Brandon smirks.

   “Is something wrong?” Ian asks, turning his head as well.

   “It’s nothing, just a bird returning home.” They both walk home, their days to come will fly by in the blink of an

Arcane Judgement - Chapter 5 END (Now being reworked):

Offline Iceh

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Re: Beat Limit
« Reply #36 on: May 13, 2010, 09:21:31 PM »
Ah, wow, thanks! So dedicated. ;)
Sadly, I'll have to read this later. Looking foreward to it though.
@/_\@ So tired right now....

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Re: Beat Limit
« Reply #37 on: May 13, 2010, 09:43:48 PM »
Dear god, I've been procrastinating again, I've only gotten a little over 1500 words done today on the story with about 2000-2500 more to go. I'll finish up as much as I can tonight and post it tomorrow, sorry I couldn't finish it today, I will make no excuses. m_ _m (by the way, that emote is bowing, just to let ya know XD)
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Offline [aero]

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Re: Beat Limit
« Reply #38 on: May 13, 2010, 09:45:47 PM »
i totally dont see the bowing..

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Re: Beat Limit
« Reply #39 on: May 13, 2010, 09:49:03 PM »
I got it from a manga I read before,  it worked better with the text there.

Eyes-->_ _
Hands on ground with eyes facing down-->m_ _m
Maybe this works a little better?-->m(_ _)m
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Offline [aero]

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Re: Beat Limit
« Reply #40 on: May 13, 2010, 09:49:56 PM »
yes, that works better

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Re: Beat Limit
« Reply #41 on: May 15, 2010, 02:03:17 AM »
Dear god...I'm up at 3:30AM on Saturday to try and finish the story, I was out Friday and hanging out with friends for various reasons, excuses as I said before though will not be tolerated if not by you, then by me. So, its nearing the end and I'm about to finish it off now with all the energy and expertise I can muster...again, now 3:32AM...I'll do my best. *Weak fist pump in the air*

   Knock, knock, knock, a person knocks on a door but all that is seen is complete darkness, but after an alarm clock

rings, the darkness disappears as Ian opens his eyes and allows the light to enter, “Uhh...morning...” Ian turns off his

alarm clock.

   “Are you awake Ian?” Brandon asks, he stops from knocking on the door.

   “I’m not feeling too well, I think I should be alone for today...” Ian voice sounds weak from behind the door.

   Brandon shows a determined face, “Isn’t that just more reason for me to be by your side? I’ll nurse you back to

great health!” He tries to turn the doorknob, “Huh? Locked?

   “Cough, cough. I think you’d better stay away from me for this one, I think I have a cold and I don’t want you to

catch it as well.” Ian continues to cough periodically.

   “I can’t just leave you alone when you’re-“ Brandon begins.

   “I’ll be fine, it’ll be gone in a day, I don’t want to trouble you.” Ian cuts Brandon off, “Just head home, alright? You

need your rest too. Cough.”

   Another knock is heard from the door, but just one, caused by Brandon putting his head against it, “Alright Ian, I’ll

head home, but you better get better.”

   “I will, don’t worry.” Ian replies.

   Footsteps are heard, the get lower in volume over time, then a faint sound of a door closing is heard, Ian jumps

out of bed and he is dressed normally, minus the backpack he has on, “I should be heading off as well.” Opening his

window Ian steps out.

   Now in a new area, Ian stands in the forest and looks around, “It wasn’t a very good idea for me to come here so

early...maybe I’ll take a nap since I woke up early to get ready.” Ian finds a tree and takes off his backpack to use it as

a pillow, he lies down and closes his eyes and falls asleep immediately.

   Waking up, Ian opens his eyes, his surroundings dark and dreary the sun has set and the moon has taken its

place. Twinkling in the night sky are thousands upon thousands of stars, lighting up the town, Ian on the other hand is

in the cover of the forest and barely has any light at all.

   “I can’t move around in this dark forest at all, maybe I slept too long.” Walking forward, Ian steps on twigs and

runs into a few trees and bushes, “This is really hard, I can’t even leave.” Wandering around a bit more, Ian sees a

faint light, “That’s!” Running after the light it gets increasingly larger with every step, and luckily for Ian that ne trees

stand in his way, Ian takes an empty bottle from his back pack and removes the top while running, “I’ll get y-“ Ian slips

and falls somewhere just as the light was in reach, “Uwaahhhh!”THUD!

   Morning arrives and Ian awakens at the bottom of a steep cliff, “Uuuugh, where am I?” Scanning the area, Ian

notices his bottle turned over on the ground near him, “Oh! That’s right!” The bottle holds a few fireflies in them which

shine faintly, even during the morning light, “That’s lucky of me, I got some fireflies anyways.” Ian stretches forward to

try and reach the bottle, but a sharp pain is felt in his side, “Agh!” He holds his side, “A broken rib? That isn’t good...”

Ignoring his pain, Ian grabs the cover for the bottle that fell right next to him and slowly places it back on the top of

the bottle, as to not let any fireflies escape, “That’s good, I didn’t lost any...”  Ian passes out while hearing a voice

fade out.

   “Hey! Wake up! Hey!” The voice dies out as Ian’s consciousness fades.

   For a third time, Ian awakens but this time he finds himself in a gown and a hospital bed, “A hospital?” Ian looks

around, “Who brought me?”

   “You had me worried for a second there.” A doctor wearing a white coat and wearing glasses comes in, his hair is

pitch black and he looks Asian, around his mid thirties most would say, “I noticed that a beat counter was in an odd

place so I went to check, luckily I found you when I did.”

   “Beat counter? How did you-“

   The doctor takes a laptop off of a nearby table and opens it up to show Ian its screen, on the screen is a map of

the whole town with a grid, dots are everywhere but mostly inside houses with at least three to five dots in each

house, “Beat counters are used for tracking as well, for your own good of course.”

   “What’s that really fast moving dot?” Ian points to a dot moving at break neck speeds o the screen.

   The doctor shows a smile, “You don’t need to worry about that for another ten minutes, before that, allow me to

explain some things to you.” The doctor takes a chart off from the end of Ian’s bed and sighs.

   Ian’s looks hardens and he readies himself for the news.

   Brandon appears in the doorway, out of breath, “Ian! You- pant, your- haah...” Brandon leans against the wall to

catch his breath.

   Putting his hand on the bottle with the fireflies and stares out of the window, “You know, fireflies have a really

short life span, but even so, they shine as bright as they can until the end.” He turns his head to Brandon, “So don’t


   Taking a deep breath and exhaling, Brandon walks over to Ian with a lowered head, “What does the life of a

firefly have to do with’s your life that’s...” Brandon rests his head on the side of Ian’s bed.

   “I know, the doctor before told me all about it.”

   “Why didn’t you tell me...”

   “I didn’t want you to worry.”

   “It didn’t work.”

   “I know.”

   They both stay there silently as the hear the sound of machines working in the hospital along with the

surprisingly noisy fireflies, Ian places his hand on Brandon’s head and eventually they both fall asleep.

   The doctor from before looks in and shows a shocked look, he thinks to himself, Even though I guessed it, I’m still

surprised to see it. His shocked expression turns into a smile, he walks away.

   “Definitely...for my last days...I’ll be my brightest...” A voice escapes Ian’s mouth, his will is strong, his light even


   Hearing this from outside of the room, the doctor stands in the hall, “...” Still and with a pained face, he then

begins to walk with a serious face.

    Brandon and Ian sit in the park with some drinks and they talk happily, laughing and joking around, the park is a

nostalgic site for them, the angel fountain creates a small rainbow and the trees create a cool shade.

   “Ahaha, it’s been a while since I could laugh this hard.” Wiping a tear of laughter from the corner of his eye Ian

spills a few drops of his drink from swaying too much.

   Brandon chugs the rest of his own drink, which was apparently a soda based on the belch which followed, “It has

been a long least a decade since we met.” With a far off stare, Brandon looks at his cup and plays around it

with, spinning it with a finer on each side.

   “I thought you promised to be happy today.”  Ian lowers his head into Brandon’s view and looks up at him with a

worried smile, “We still have time, so let’s smile some more, okay?”

   Brandon stands up and walks over to the fountain, he fills his cup with water that spouts from the angel’s head

and pours it on his own head.

   Dumbfounded, Ian stares at Brandon, “What are you-“

   “I’m cooling my head off.” With a calm look, he fills his cup again and raises it, “Free refills.”

   Trying to hold back a laugh, Ian covers his mouth with his free hand but he fails to withhold his amusement and

chuckles, “Pfft.”

   Breaking out a smile, Brandon drinks some of the water and spits it out, “Bleck, this stuff is grimy.”

   Beep, beep, beep, the count down on Ian’s watch continues, beep, beep, beep.

<Beat Limit: 132769>
<BPM: 124>
<Date: Last Day>

   As if the hands of time had sped up just this one day, it suddenly becomes evening and the sun has begin to set

behind the mountains. Ian and Brandon both sit at a high place, the wind blows strongly and a single leaf spins

between Brandon’s fingers.

   “The stars aren’t shining.” Slowing lowering his back to lie down, Ian looks at the cloudy sky.

   “I’m surprised since it’s so windy too.” Brandon stops twirling around the leaf he’s holding.

   “...will I be able to get to the sky like this?” Ian’s voice carries hints of both sadness and worry.

   “If you don’t, I’ll fly you there myself.”

   “Will you promise me?”

   “I won’t promise, I’ll guarantee it, cross my heart and hope to die.”

   With an unamused voice and face, “Don’t say things like that, Brandon.”

   “I’m not lying Ian, I’ll make sure you make it to the sky.”

   “And how will you do that?” Ian sits up and looks at Brandon, and as he quickly raised himself, his beat counter

finds its way out from under his shirt.

<Beat Limit: 2456>
<BPM: 118>
<Date: Last 20 Minutes>

   The display taunting them for a second time, it does not bother with the date, only showing them the time left

before Ian’s heart stops.

   Ian takes off his beat counter like any normal necklace would be taken off, and he places it on the ground, the

display turns blank, “I won’t be needing that anymore.”

   “Who’s the one being gloomy now?”

   “Saying this to a dead man?”

   “You’re alive right now.”

   “But I won’t be in twenty more minutes.”

   “Why are you sad now? You’re the one who told me to smile on this last day.”

   “Am I not allowed? This is my last day, I should get permission to do anything I want.”

   “...that’s right...”

   “It isn’t fair, why do I have to die now? It isn’t fair!” Ian’s swings his arm as if to knock away all rebuttals, “Why

do I have to die now!? When I found some I really care about, why do I have to leave them!?

   A shocked expression on Brandon’s face quickly changes into a smile, he pulls Ian close to him and hugs him, “I

understand Ian, but I can’t change this, I can only help you reach the sky.”

   “Then at least do that for me reach the sky.” Ian buries his face in Brandon’s chest.

   “I’ll give you my blessing so the angels can’t turn you down and so the clouds themselves will move aside so you

can be carried above them, into the sky.” Brandon takes Ian’s head with both his hands and moves closer, he kisses

him on the forehead.

   Ian blushes and buries his face into Brandon’s chest again while holding Brandon’s shirt with both hands, “That

was mean Brandon...”

   “Let me be mean...just for now.” Brandon holds Ian even closer to him, “Just...just for now...”

   Beep, beep, boop, the beat counter that Ian had taken off flashes, the screen reappears just to show:

<Beat Limit: 0>
<BPM: 0>
<Time of Death: 12:00AM>

   Ian’s arms drop from holding onto Brandon’s shirt and they hang lifeless from his body, his head no longer

pressed against Brandon’s chest, but now laying against, his bright red face now tinting pale white, his heart has

stopped beating.

   Holding onto him for just a moment longer, “ you Ian.” Brandon sets Ian’s body down slowly and as

carefully as possible, he then walks to the edge of the cliff on the mountain, “...” He holds out one arm, the hand of

that arm holds out a leaf and Brandon let’s it go, the wind carries it away.

   The leaf flies in the wind, it rises higher and higher, further and further away, until it can no longer be seen.

   Night has arrived and Brandon decides to leave, he heads towards the cable cars, gondolas, boxes that move on

a conveyor, whatever you may call them, and behind him he leaves a small dug up spot of dirt on the mountain, Ian’s

beat counter lays atop of it. Starting up the cable cars, Brandon hesitates to get in and he looks back at Ian’s grave,

“...” Finally turns back to the cable cars Brandon steps into one, he sits down on one of the sides and as he tries to

look back at the mountain, he notices some smudges on the window consisting of backward letters, without a sob or

any sound of sadness tears begin to flow from Brandon’s eyes, he rests his head on his lap to hide the tears, he stays

this way until the ride ends, and even then the tears will never stop flowing.
Arcane Judgement - Chapter 5 END (Now being reworked):

Offline Account Disabled

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Re: Beat Limit
« Reply #42 on: May 15, 2010, 03:19:11 AM »
Finally finished it! Stayed up, current time is 4:45AM, and I finished it T.T. <--Tears of joy.

Anyways, being serious, please read through the story and tell me if you want me to fix anything up, Iceh, I will do my best! Also, here's the last part.

   The sun rises and birds begin to sing, but Brandon lays in his bed staring with empty eyes at the ceiling. A ceiling

fan in the centre of the ceiling makes a loud sound and fills the entire room’s emptiness with a infuriating monotony.

   A doorbell is heard from outside of Brandon’s door, nothing else is heard, no footsteps, voices, even the doorbell

only rang once, after hearing it Brandon did not change his stare, he simply listened with no care and lay there


   Swinging open, the door to Brandon’s room opens, the doorknob in the hand of a familiar face, the body of the

familiar face in a white coat, the doctor who treated Ian stands in the doorway, “I know you’re probably angry at me

for not being able to save your friend, but hear me out.” Other than the ceiling fan, not a sound is heard, “I wanted to

ask you something...” Again, no other sounds but the fan, “Do you want to save people?”

   Flipping a switch in Brandon’s head, his head turns to the side, not changing posture and only head direction,

Brandon stares at the doctor with his empty eyes, but even that slight movement was progress.

   “After seeing your friend and you, I couldn’t handle being a doctor and not being able to actually save people...I

want to protect the hearts of people!” His voice resonating in the empty room, “I wished to ask you, would you aid me

in my research?”

   With the same look and position as before, Brandon simply stares at the doctor blankly without a sound.

   Being silent himself, hoping for an answer, the doctor does not speak for a short while, though after he gives up

on waiting for the answer, “You don’t have to tell me now, you can come to the hospital at any time and find me, I’ll be

waiting.” Closing the door behind him as he leaves, the doctor doesn’t say a word after that to coerce Brandon to help


   Brandon lay still and silent in his bed.

   Time passes, the sun rises and sets repeatedly and an event unexpected occurs. Sitting at his desk is the doctor,

he reads through books and highlights parts as he goes, and without any notice Brandon shoots through the door and

slams his hands on the desk where the doctor works away, “Let me help you!” Brandon stands there with frizzy hair,

wrinkled pyjamas, sweat stains, and an odour one would never forget.

   Without any sign of surprise the doctor smiles, “Then why don’t we start with a shower?” The doctor himself is

covered in sweat stains, his hair greasy and his coat and clothing wrinkled, it seemed as if he had not slept for days,

“We should begin as soon as possible, you have a lot to learn and this teacher has little time to give.”

   They begin studies and Brandon takes notes and the doctor uses a pointer to indicate certain areas on a

diagram. After this the doctor heads to his desk to do more medical research while Brandon took some medical books

and began to study on his own. This continues for days, weeks, months, and even years until the point where Brandon

begins suggesting things to the doctor becomes frequent.

   “What if you...” Brandon says as he shows the doctor a written thesis.

   “I already thought of that, it won’t work.” The doctor replies.

   Both of their appearances have aged, Brandon had aged more, showing more manly features, his face having

some  gruff, the doctor is the same as he was before, though his hairs begin to turn white, whether it was from stress

or age was unknown.

   “Alright then, I think I have another idea, I’ll work on it now.” Brandon walks out of the room with his papers.

   “Heh, the kid studies for a few years and he thinks up stuff I just recently thought of myself. The kid’s a genius

and he’s gonna surpass me any day now.” The doctor shows a grin and returns to his own research.

   More years pass as they work, Brandon shows the doctor more ideas but they’re all turned down, each taking

more time though as they are new ideas that even the doctor could not think of.

   Sleeping on one of the couches around a coffee table, Brandon snores as he dreams away, on the table are

papers and sketches. The doctor walks in to check in on Brandon, he puts a hospital blanket on top of him, “He’s a

doctor now and he doesn’t even care if he catches a cold.” Sighing at the irony, the doctor notices the sketches on the

coffee table, “What’s this? His new idea?” The doctor picks it up and goes through the pages, his hands shiver, “This

is...” He dashes out of the room and into his own research room, he shuts the door completely.

   Brandon awake sometime in the afternoon and drinks a cup of water, he wets his face and walks to the doctor’s

room. Opening the door, it creaks, he looks in and notices the doctor scribbling away at the paper actively, “Did you

discover anything doctor?” Brandon asks with a tired voice, he takes another drink from his mug of water.

   “This would go...and here is...then it could actually...” The doctor mutters to himself as he writes and sketches on

the paper in front of him.

   Brandon moves closer and looks over the doctor’s shoulder, “Doctor?”

   Finally taking notice to Brandon, the doctor jumps up not in surprise, but joy, “You’ve done it Brandon! You’ve

finally discovered a way to regulate the heart rate and elongate the lifespan of a heart!” The doctor shakes Brandon

forward and back as he excitedly says this, “Oh no, I shouldn’t stop working.” The doctor quickly sits down and begins

scribbling again.

   Showing a little astonishment, Brandon stands still for a moment, taking in the doctor’s words, he then shows a

small grin, “We’re not done yet doctor, we have a long ways to go.” A second chair that is lying around the room is

taken by Brandon and he sits right next to the doctor, “We’ll double the speed and work on this together.” Brandon

takes some papers that are free and begins to read through them.

   Decades pass, the doctor passes, and Brandon ages to the point where his own heart would be about to give

out, but at a desk is this old Brandon, he tinkers away at a device, he uses a small screwdriver to fix on some parts,

after he’s done inserting the screws, he stands up, “Finally finished...”

   Another doctor walks in, much younger than Brandon who looks at least 70 or 80, this doctor looks like he’s in his

mid 30s, “Doctor? Are you finally finished the device?”

   The fragile looking old man replies, “That’s right, I’ve finally finished it, doctor’s work, as well as my own.”

   “Do you have a name for it? It’s revolutionary, it’ll change the world itself.”

   “I was thinking the name that doctor and I had come up with together after we finished the design, artificial


   “A pacemaker? That sounds quite fitting for its purpose.”

   “Yes, well we were doctors, not poets.”

   “Are you going to show the medical world yourself?”

   “I think I’ll retire now, I’m too old for this stuff now.”


   “Here.” The aged Brandon hands the pacemaker along with papers on it to the younger doctor, “You take it and

present it to them, I’m tired and I need rest...a long, long rest...”

   “Wait! Doctor, where is your beat counter!?”

   “That thing? I threw it away years ago, darned thing always got in my way while writing.”

   “Laying down the pacemaker and notes quickly but carefully, the young doctor quickly looks through some

cabinets and finds and extra beat counter, “Hurry! We have to-“

   “I know my heart better than any machine, I’m going to die soon.” Brandon says  this so calmly.

   Dropping the beat counter, the young doctor stares at Brandon in shock, “But you’re a great asset to the medical

world! We can’t lose you now!”

   “I’m done with being an asset, I’ve served my purpose, so now I leave the medical world in your hands.” Brandon

walks towards the door and leaves the hospital.

   The young doctor watches him leave, and after he is out of sight, the young doctor slowly approaches the

pacemaker and the accompanying papers, “...”

   On top of the nostalgic mountain, Brandon stands near the edge, his body so frail that you would think he was

about to be blown away, but he holds a wooden cane and digs it into the ground, “It’s been too long Ian, it’s about

time I was off as well.” He turns around and he sees and Image of Ian on top of the well kept grave, “Finally come to

get me?” Brandon himself portrayed as a young image of himself, “You’re too slow.”

   The image of Ian smiles and holds out his hand, “Let’s go Brandon.”

   Brandon smiles back at Ian, “Alright.”

   In a large conference room are bleachers creating a three sided figure, open on one side for the exit and

entrance, is the young doctor, he holds the pacemaker and papers up for the other doctors to see, “These, my fellow

doctors, are the answer to our problem. Created by two great men, now passed...”

   The giant tree in which Brandon had scaled with Ian on his back now blows in the wind, the leaves fall like a

heavy rain, the mountain displays a well-kept grave and a fallen old man with the wind blowing strongly, then in a park

where there is nothing but calm, an angel spouts water from her head, creating a rainbow of all colours.

   Back in the conference room the young doctor continues, “These great men had accomplished what many doctors

did not, all because these two doctors had things they did not,” The young doctor now raises a finger for each point he

lists off, “they had the knowledge, studying at age 15 diligently one of them excelled at cardiology,” He raises his index

finger, “they had courage, both working their hearts to the limit so they could lessen the burden for others,” He raises

his middle finger, at the same time he picks up the pacemaker from his stand and holds it up, “and finally, they had the

heart, the compassion and the desire to save others no matter what the cost, even at the expense of their own

lives...” He raises his ring finger, “This is a medical breakthrough, we must study and produce these ‘pacemakers’ as

they are called so we can save lives and fulfill the wishes of these two great doctors, these doctors who are not only

the saviours of many people, but the doctors who finally discovered how to defeat the beat limit.” Out of breath and

energy, the young doctor rests his elbows on his stand.

   The crowd in awe stay silent for a long time, allowing the young doctor to catch most of his breath, but in the next

moment a roar goes up in the air, “Finally! We can live!” a doctor yells, “We’re no longer bound by these!” another

doctor shouts as he removes his beat counter and tosses it down towards the young doctor, all the rest follow suit

and throw their beat counters away.

   Showing a huge smile is the young doctor, he takes off his own beat counter which is much like Brandon’s old one

and he raises it up to show everyone, the screen reflects glare from the bright lights and only a fraction of the beat

counter’s screen can be seen, it reads:

<Beat limit: >

The numbers are that and everything under is too blurred by the light.

   Now raising his arm even higher, the young doctor shouts, “It’s finally been done! The limit...they’ve beaten the

limit!” Slamming his beat counter against the ground and smashing it into bits and pieces the cheers grow even louder.

   The sky outside is bright and the sun shines down, the temperature is slightly humid with a light breeze, the

weather is nice, and just for this day it should be, but this day will only last for a moment in time. The trial ahead of

everyone now, the test they must all take is...what will they do with their freedom? Two birds fly next to each other,

they fly in crossing patterns using the rising heat and light breeze to raise themselves closer yet, they fly higher and

higher, they keep flying up until they reach the sky.

Just need to say this...THE END!
Arcane Judgement - Chapter 5 END (Now being reworked):

Offline [aero]

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Re: Beat Limit
« Reply #43 on: May 15, 2010, 03:38:11 AM »
whoo hoo finished!

id read through it bbut im kinda busy making stuff for doodle right now x_x

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Re: Beat Limit
« Reply #44 on: May 15, 2010, 03:53:54 AM »
LOL looks like there's more than one team now!

Litt/Iceh and now Doodle/Aero xD!