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Author Topic: Here is my idea  (Read 11229 times)

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Offline Berdrek

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Re: Here is my idea
« Reply #30 on: March 29, 2010, 05:25:25 PM »


The next day after school the group is walking home is a very rainy day


Standing outside in a group Hieadki,Takumi and Kenta talk about their wierd encounter the night before

Takumi: last night i saw shadows moving around my room and at exactly 3 in the morning i saw it take form into a human form
Kenta: non-sense you guys dont know what your talking about anymore
Hideaki: no no kenta according to my grandmother if what happened to us was true seeing shadows would be the next thing that would happen
Takumi: and what else did she say?
Hideaki: unfurtanetly nothing else .. she has Alzheimer ...
Kenta: *Serious face* your kidding..right?
Takumi:...
Hideaki: no im not but she gave me this *pulls out a weird book cover with the name ENLIGHTEN written on it*
Takumi: is this a wiki board?
Kenta: it dosent look like it the inscriptions on it are rather weird..
Hideaki: you are right is not, its suppose to be the cover of the book were the story my great grand father told came from
Kenta: and what are we suppose to do with this? hug and suddenly get sent flying and say hi to the shadows *sarcastic laugh*
Hideaki: something like that...
Takumi: What?!...
Kenta: What?!... i sure hope for the  sake of what is left of your sanity your joking
Hideaki: i am not i am actually being very serious right now *very serious face*
Takumi: well how does it work?
Hideaki: lets go to your house takumi since you saw them there first and i will explain everything that i was told by my grand mother

Later that day on takumis bedroom

Takumi: so what do we do now?
Kenta:*sarcastic laugh* we hug it...
Hideaki:*serious face* what he said
Takumi:ok then i guess ill go first
Hideaki: ok here, make sure your mind is clear
Takumi: got it

What powers will this weird cover unfold? find out next time.....


Offline legomaestro

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Re: Here is my idea
« Reply #31 on: March 30, 2010, 06:02:47 AM »
The idea is good and has a lot of interesting ideas, so long as there is a distinct framework of setting, the character descriptions and overall plot. Most importantly, what is the genre? This story can take a variety of ideas.

I'd love to work with you on this script. As for now i'll watch the sidelines and when i can i'll definately pitch in ideas.

Offline legomaestro

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Re: Here is my idea
« Reply #32 on: March 31, 2010, 05:08:59 AM »
Bedrek, would it be fine if i pitched in my own idea of the outline? Without referring to all of you're ideas?

Offline Berdrek

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Re: Here is my idea
« Reply #33 on: March 31, 2010, 04:11:32 PM »
Bedrek, would it be fine if i pitched in my own idea of the outline? Without referring to all of you're ideas?


i wouldn't mind..

Offline legomaestro

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Re: Here is my idea
« Reply #34 on: April 01, 2010, 08:58:23 AM »
ON PANEL: The night is still, and the night is cold. The conditions are right, for misfortune to fall three innocent souls...

NOTE: EXT. means a scene in the outdoors whilst INT. means a scene indoors. Actions are capitalized for readers benefit and dialogue separated to avoid easy confusion with the actions. CONT'd means continued. Please feel free to point out any unrealistic dialogue.


CHAPTER ONE/SCENE ONE
EXT. STORE - EVENING


Three TEENAGERS are WALK up to a STORE. A car FLASHES past with full beams as one of them, the tallest, enters it. He pauses at the door:

KENTA

Sooo... Takumi wants the coke and Hideaki the magazine?

   
TAKUMI [Sighs]

The other way round but yes, you're right.

KENTA enters the STORE. The door SWINGS close behind him with a small squeak. As they watch they're friend enter the STORE suddenly-


CHIKA

Hello there! My name's Chika... You sweet boys mind telling me your names?

A stunningly beautiful woman dressed in a red gown offers a fair hand to both of the boys.


TAKUMI

Uh... Hi? My names... [Glances at Hideaki, who only stares at the woman] Takumi.


TAKUMI SHAKES 'CHIKA's' hand. The world DISTORTS and TAKUMI'S Eyes WIDEN.


TAKUMI [THINKS]

What... what a wierd vibe...


CHIKA

That's a powerful piece you have there.

CHIKA points at the ROSEMARY on TAKUMI's neck and giggles:

CHIKA[CONT'd]

Don't lose it
TAKUMI nervously pats the ROSARY

TAKUMI

Thanks.

CHIKA turns to HIDEAKI,

CHIKA

And who might this young man be?

HIDEAKI is silent, so TAKUMI takes charge:

TAKUMI

This is my friend, HIDEAKI


CHIKA offers her hand to HIDEAKI, HIDEAKI steps back with FRIGHT and ANGER on his face:


HIDEAKI [SCREAMS]

Stay the hell away from me! You're not infecting me with your Qliphoth!

TAKUMI jumps in fright at HIDEAKI's outburst. CHIKA smiles with narrow eyes. 'Oops, you caught me' They seem to say. KENTA BURSTS from the store clutching a COKE,

KENTA

What in the world is going on here?


KENTA glances at CHIKA, then to TAKUMI, who is GLARING at HIDEAKI,

TAKUMI

I have no idea. This woman came introducing herself and Hideakis wierding out. As usual...

CHIKA

Well, it was very nice meeting you boys. See you!

HIDEAKI[Yells]

Why in the world would we do that!

She SMILES at HIDEAKI, TURNS and WALKS away gracefully. The BOYS all stare at her go in silence.

HIDEAKI

Come on guys lets get out of here. Please.
TAKUMI and KENTA share glances.

Offline legomaestro

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Re: Here is my idea
« Reply #35 on: April 01, 2010, 09:04:25 AM »
SCENE TWO

EXT. STREET - NIGHT

TAKUMI

What was with the screaming fit, Hideaki?

HIDEAKI[LOOKS at TAKUMI with fright in his eyes]

Come on Takumi don't tell me you didn't feel it too.

TAKUMI
Feel what?

HIDEAKI

You practically fainted when you shook hands with her. Your eyes went pale and your holding you're rosary like you're life depends on holding it.

TAKUMI GLANCES at his hands and sees that HIDEAKI is telling the truth.

TAKUMI[Thoughtfully]

Yeah... I sort of did feel something wierd... Bad.
KENTA shakes his head,

KENTA

Man, I can't buy a coke without any of you guys wierding out on me.

TAKUMI glances at KENTA,

TAKUMI

You can't even get me a magazine.


KENTA[Shrugs]

They're too old for you. I was about to anyway but suddenly Hideaki screamed 'Kwipot or something'

KENTA[GLANCES at HIDEAKI and Continues]

What was up with that, anyway?

HIDEAKI[Playing with his fingers nervously]

Listen guys my great grandfather used to tell me stories like this all the time. He said spirits that are not allowed in heaven and dont go to hell roam stuck in the living world, giving away their negative energy, my uncle called it Qliphoth.

KENTA

You're not serious. Takumi and I know that's nonsense, right?

TAKUMI just holds his ROSARY. He looks at KENTA and shrugs,

TAKUMI

I... I don't know man. I did feel something... But maybe i'm just tired.
-TAKUMI yawns:

TAKUMI[CONT'd]

I'm turning in. See you guys later.

KENTA

Why the early night? There's still stuff to do.

TAKUMI

Nah, not feeling up to it. See you guys later.

TAKUMI WALKS away. His friends, out of focus, watch him go. CUT TO-

INT. TAKUMI'S HOUSE - NIGHT

SCENES CUT TO- different actions. TAKUMI KICKING off his shoes - TAKUMI hanging his JUMPER - TAKUMI saying goodnight to his GRANDMOTHER [who dozes in front of a TV with a book on her lap] - TAKUMI upstairs in his room -TAKUMI BRUSHING his teeth. - TAKUMI SLIDING into bed with his eyes closed. TAKUMI yawns and TURNS off bedside LAMP.

SCREEN is black as he sleeps.


SUDDENLY - a cruelly SMILING row of TEETH hang in the air. It WHISPERS:

DEVIL TEETH

Nice soul, Takumi. Nice rosary. Nice piece... But not Nice enough.

The TEETH OPEN wide to swallow-

-TAKUMI WAKES up, FLICKs the beside LAMP ON. He breathes heavily.

TAKUMI [BREATHING heavily]

Just a nightmare. Just a freaking nightmare...

TAKUMI RUNS his hand through his hair. He sighs

TAKUMI[LAUGHS slightly]

What am I, nine?

He casually looks over at his LAMP. Its SHADOW is the shape of a DEVIL'S PITCHFORK. TAKUMI's eye's WIDEN. He jumps back in fright.


TAKUMI

AHHH!

He RUBS his eyes. The Shadow is a perfectly normal lampshade once again.

- TAKUMI's door BANGS open. His GRANDMOTHER holds it open, clutching her ROSARY. She looks GRIM and TENSE.

GRANDMOTHER

What's wrong, Takumi?

TAKUMI[SMILES nervously]

Ah. Nothing, ma, just a rat.

His GRANDMOTHER's face SOFTENS. She nods slightly and closes the door.

GRANDMOTHER

Good night, then. Don't forget to pray.
TAKUMI

Good night. I won't.


When his GRANDMOTHER is gone TAKUMI looks at the lamp again. The shadow is as normal as ever.

TAKUMI[WHISPERS]

What the hell?
« Last Edit: April 01, 2010, 09:19:59 AM by legomaestro »

Offline legomaestro

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Re: Here is my idea
« Reply #36 on: April 01, 2010, 09:24:17 AM »
I hope people don't mind me posting these here. They're a trial and i want to see how the team reacts. Berdek, what do you think? I used a script writing software and i hope you like the dialogue.

Offline Berdrek

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Re: Here is my idea
« Reply #37 on: April 02, 2010, 04:13:16 AM »
its pretty good,i love how you added the night in hes house i personally enjoyed it, what software did you use? if you don't mind telling me that is hehe

Offline legomaestro

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Re: Here is my idea
« Reply #38 on: April 03, 2010, 04:46:02 AM »
I used Screenwriter. But its pretty sloppy and i think there might be other better softwares. There's a lot of hands on working to do with it and i rely on real scripts i downloaded.

Offline legomaestro

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Re: Here is my idea
« Reply #39 on: April 21, 2010, 05:42:46 AM »
SCENE THREE

EXT. SCHOOL GROUNDS - AFTERNOON


IT IS RAINING HEAVILY.

KENTA, TAKUMI and HIDEAKI stay on the fringes of the SCHOOL GROUNDS, under the shelter of one of the exterior CORRIDORS. The rain slants and splashes them, and KENTA LOOKS at the downpour distastefully,



KENTA

You guys just love putting me out of my comfort zone, dont you? What's up anyway, Takumi? Why insist on Niagara falls out here, there's plenty private places in the school!

TAKUMI[CASTS Furtive looks]

There's too many lights in there... Makes big shadows. Too many human shapes too. Easy manifestation...


KENTA[SNORTS in disgust]

I'd expect  nervous-breakdown behavior from Hideaki, not you.

TAKUMI looks bad. His eyes are bloodshot and he has wrinkles than normal. He seems to have aged with fright and terror, and the easy going attitude has left him. HIDEAKI studies him intently, with some amount of apprehension. TAKUMI talks


HIDEAKI

Takumi... what's wrong?


TAKUMI looks at his friend, then BEYOND him. Because, in the dull afternoon light, the shadows of the RAIN become clear outlines of EYES. They STARE with no expression, and TAKUMI closes his own EYES, shudders and whispers,


TAKUMI

Somethings really bad. You guys... need to help me. Otherwise i'm done for...


KENTA folds his arms and LOOKS at his friend with concern. TAKUMI looks at the opposite wall. There are no more shadow eyes on the wall. He takes a deep breath-


TAKUMI

Every single time of the day. Every single hour since yesterday... I've been... seing things. [Looks at TAKUMI] Shadows. Everywhere... they morph into these... shapes and-


TAKUMI closes his eyes, then opens them. The EYES are on the opposite wall again. STARING.


TAKUMI

They look at me. They stare. They reach for me... and my dreams are worse. They want to eat me. They keep on saying 'nice rosary Takumi,' 'nice piece'... its driving me insane!

KENTA and HIDEAKI exchange glances. HIDEAKI shakes his head and sighs,

HIDEAKI

Then its true. I sort of... checked my uncle's library for my great grandfathers books on this stuff?
KENTA

No ways. That library even you are scared of. The one you're uncle practically butchered you over when you mentioned it?

HIDEAKI nods, and PRESENTS a HEAVY BROWN HARDCOVER with the SYMBOL of a slanting white humanoid outline, with a HORIZONTAL WHITE LINE above and a HORIZONTAL BLACK LINE below the figure. [The name of the book is ENLIGHTENMENT]

TAKUMI takes a step back into the rain, staring wide-eyed at the book

TAKUMI

I've seen that symbol. In my dreams. They kept coming in visions.
HIDEAKI[NODS thoughtfully]

You should see it. Its the symbol of Qliphoth, its vision manifests when they get closer to their targets. Its a sort of warning for you and calling card for them.

TAKUMI STARES at the BOOK with PURE DREAD-

TAKUMI

I'm... Targeted?

HIDEAKI nods. KENTA looks between his friends, and folds his arms-

KENTA

Takumi's on a supernatural hit-list? Wow, we're moving up in the world.

HIDEAKI [Scowls]

Kenta, this is serious.
KENTA looks at TAKUMI with a glare, then he shakes his head and looks at TAKUMI, who is staring off in the distance-

KENTA

Listen! Okay? Serious is failing class! Serious is not having girlfriends for a whole semester, Serious is going out in the rain to talk about Kipot and whatsoever. You know what you need? You need a shrink!
TAKUMI doesn't seem to hear KENTA. He points over KENTA's shoulder, pointing at the WALL. THE EYES are piling up to make one BIG EYE. THE EYE is blacker than it has right to be. IT BLINKS and ITS IRIS BURNS RED... TAKUMI jumps back in fright, whilst HIDEAKI and KENTA look back at him. They can't see it.

KENTA is fed up.

KENTA

Okay, good friend. Time to slap you sensless.

HE REACHES for TAKUMI-

HIDEAKI

No! DON'T!


KENTA GRABS TAKUMI, his other HAND RAISED, poised ready to strike, but KENTA's eyes WIDEN, and COILS OF BLACK spiral across TAKUMI's ARM. They BORE into KENTA's sleeve, shredding the jacket and entering five different sections of the sleeve in a synchornized SPURT OF BLOOD.

HIDEAKI jumps back, holding the BOOK to his chest,


KENTA

Argh! What the-


HIDEAKI

You idiot! You got yourself infected!


KENTA glares at HIDEAKI,


KENTA

Don't you feed into-


HIS EYES WIDEN because behind HIDEAKI his shadow SMIRKS with a wide open mouth, BARING unreasonable SHARP TEETH.

HIDEAKI SLAPS his forehead with the HEEL of his arm,


HIDEAKI

Idiot...


KENTA and TAKUMI stare at the apparation in horror. KENTA's sleeve dribbles BLOOD slowly. Takumi FROWNS.


TAKUMI

The shadows on the walls... They decreased.

HIDEAKI

That's because Mr. Sceptic here shared some of the Qhiploth in you. Its halved the negative energy in your blood.
[TURNS TO KENTA AND CONTINUES]
At least one good thing comes out of your idiocy, but it won't last: The negative energy grows over time. Now, are you ready to listen to reason, Kenta?


KENTA

You... You can stop this, right? Coz i definately don't want to see those things everywhere i go.


TAKUMI and KENTA stare at the shadow behind HIDEAKI. It holds two wicked knives and lolls an evil tongue at them. HIDEAKI is oblivious.



Offline legomaestro

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Re: Here is my idea
« Reply #40 on: April 21, 2010, 05:43:30 AM »
Okay, i think i'll be on a haitus for a while. I really want to work on a personal project right now...