Coryn's Saga Arc 1

[Coryn]

well the story is supposed to be long. on the scale of bleach or the other great animes/mangas.

as for the convos thats to be expected of any written story. but you have to use the context clues. i always gave a little introduction thingy to show who exactly is talking. but the main part is keeping track of who is talking as it switches on and off.

and yeah grammatical errors are sure to pop up. i find more every time i read over it it seems. but i know i have good grammar its just that it leaks in sometimes.

[Fnnenn Enninn]

Well, I must say, this is osme top notch work.
Though God powers, which you main character seems to possess, turn me away from stories, your wrting was spectacular.
It flowed seemlessly, the description was just right, and over all I was majorly impressed by the writing.
Its long too, and must have taken forever because of how much work was clearly put into this.

Though not my cup of tea, I did enjoy it, and anyone who is interested in this genre, would for sure become a huge fan of Coryn Sken  

I didn't quite make it all the way through either, so if I'm missing anything thats my own fault >,<

[Coryn]

well how far did you get? cause the best part is the last act.

but on the god powers thing thats why i like the infinite reality thing. it allows me to put Coryn in any situation. so while this story is shounen, i could just as easily write a different story with Coryn in it that is shoujo. not that i would write a shoujo story but the point is the same.

[Fnnenn Enninn]

I got to the second page of this topic somewhere.

And nothing wrong with writing a shojo  I for one am a fan

[Coryn]

so you really did miss the best part *sigh* cant be helped i guess. but i guess the harem theme this arc has does fit into the shojo field. but then again there is the high school drama one i have planed. 

[Fnnenn Enninn]

Unfortunate I missed it, but really though the writing was excellent the style is not mine.

[Coryn]

well putting that aside could you give some opinions of the characters themselves? how the personalities were handled and such. or what you thought of the way the story developed? cause really people telling me that i'm awesome is good and all but it doesnt help me improve

[Fnnenn Enninn]

I understand that.
Well as for character development, I think it was overall decent, each character had a distinct personallity, that remained consistant, through what I read. No real major flaws, some minor things, I didn't quite understand Moon. Was he a criminal before he was a super computer? And if so, why would the Nisou Tomobishi be so fine with letting him attach to their computer system?

[Coryn]

he was a white collar criminal yeah but he downloaded his consciousness onto the internet ala ghost in the shell but Coryn redirected moon onto his flash drive instead. and its generally assumed Coryn wouldnt be putting moon into the computer system if he thought he would mess with stuff. basically you could classify Moon as chaotic good.

and if you remember Coryn really didnt ask for permission to upload moon. he just kind of did it.

[Fnnenn Enninn]

The alignment reference made my problems dissapear.
I wish you luck in the future.

[Coryn]

thanks. makes me want to draw up one of those charts now

[Fnnenn Enninn]

I'd offer more help if I read the entire thing, sorry about that Dx

[Coryn]

its fine. im sure there will be more readers in the future. >.>....litt....

[Fnnenn Enninn]

He's reading it xD
Just not sure how far or actively...

[Account Disabled]

I keep getting caught up in things...also quite forgetful and lazy. My combo traits equal failure. I have read halfway through the first page of this topic, and like everyone else, it is good, other than a few spelling errors. which ratio from content and amount astound me, not much else I can say. I'll have to read more to analyze it better.

Sorry, this doesn't help much.