Whispering Magic [Prototype]

[Suuper-san]

Please read my disclaimer if you would like to critique (basically don't critique minor details since I'm only focusing on expressing the core of the idea)
But if you seriously want to mention more fine details then go ahead, it may still be useful to me but I dont want to waste your time.

This is a prototype manga as it is basically in draft format, both script and art. I intend at some point to completely rewrite it and produce it at a proper quality level, although there will always be the allure of the next shiny story.

Whispering Magic



Blurb

A girl who grew up in the country moves into the city to enrol in a famous magic school on the recommendation of her Grandmother, who was a famous mage in her youth. But she soon realises that the magic being taught at the school is nothing like the magic she has learnt herself...

Chapters

Chapter 1: A Small Fire

Chapter 2: Difficult First Steps

Chapter 3: Blending in

Chapter 4: The Storm

Chapter 5: New Things

Chapter 6: Reaching Out

Chapter 7: The Difficult Magic

Chapter 8 - Strong Beliefs

Chapter 9 - A Revelation

Chapter 10 - The Leading Voice

Chapter 11 - Standing Up

Chapter 12 - A Pure Wish

Volume 1 Bonus Chapter

[Suuper-san]

Chapter 1: A Small Fire

Chapter 1: A Small Fire

Thoughts:
The chapter 1 script was too long and had to be cut in half, so it ended on a less impactful cliffhanger than I would have liked.

Drawing a classroom with lots of students is incredibly difficult when you're woring to a low qaulity as there is just far too much detail that gets missed, which is a bit annoying. Also I haven't designed 95% of the students so I dont even know what they look like yet as well.

This story is my favourite out of the 4 prototype mangas I'm working on at the moment, I've got lots of ideas for where to take it but it's hard to pick the best route. so this manga is really just one possible route through the plot.

I haven't quite got the long term plot and setting in place so I'm sort of winging it when it comes to nuances and flavour text portions of the dialogue.

Because I have quite a clear idea of certain aspects of the story such as characters or certain events, it's hard to actually write them because I draft it and it just doesnt sound like what I had in my mind. So this manga will probably be the most disappointing overall as my vision for it is just that much bigger than my writing ability at the moment.

Basically I want to set it up that she gets bullied by a good half of the students, there's a noble/commoner aspect to it as well. I dont want to overdo it though, and I definitely dont want to make a cinnamon roll out of my main character, so it's really hard to adjust the angst to get what I want. only after writing this manga to completion will I probably have a better idea about what direction I actually wanted it to go, I think.

There will be a lot of plot holes in this manga I think (in fact there already are in the first chapter T_T ), it's going to be a bit of a bumpy ride but hopefully it'll get a bit of stability as I move forward.

anyways, enjoy.

[Suuper-san]

Chapter 2: Difficult First Steps

Chapter 2: Difficult First Steps

Thoughts:
This is the second half of my first chapter 1 script. I definitely had too much going on to fit into one chapter. Although this chapter was a tad short of my target pages which allowed me to put in the exposition about runes to pack it out, which was super useful, so all's well that ends well.

The backgrounds went quite well, I think because I was aware of what was where I could fill in gaps behind the characters a lot easier, in the right perspective as well. The cityscape shot, despite being really sketchy, I was super proud of. Almost getting the feel of the Fairy Tail style BG which I love for it's complexity and simplicity at the same time.

I struggled a lot knowing whether to make the couple she tays with super nice or mean instead. I went with mean because I'm a bit fed up of stories where the main characters have everything handed them on a plate, there's no tension or problems for them to overcome. But I tried to toughen up my MC so that she doesn't look completely hopeless, but she's still upset by what people say all the same.

Still clueless on the overall setting so I've still got a couple of major routes that I need to fix down and the story will probably go a lot better I think. Sort of hedging my bets at the moment with a couple of flavour text moments in the dialogue, lost magic or ancient magic, who knows what they are lol.

anyways, enjoy.

[legomaestro]

Dude you totally nailed that city shot how the heeeeeck. Teach me suuper sensei! Backgrounds are no problem at this point, and what the hell, if I'm reading the manga in order right then you're officially improving story telling and art with each different hit? Like I like this even better than the last one hahaha.

And Fightoooo Serenity-chan! Don't listen to those bullies, and she was totally not taught runes because the Seeking Witch can understand the fabric and nature of magic much more naturally and she's done her best to have Serenity be open to that fact. Just wish she had a bit more support. The teacher seems cool but jeez growing up in a bullying class can be a real problem.

Love your magic system for sure, and the opening of the story got me super invested. I've been listening to podcasts about the origins of everything and it was a happy coincidence to stumble across that. And usually manga openings feel a bit cheesy but it got me super interested. Nicely done, suuper.

[Manimal]

This sets up a good underdog story of sorts. Once again you explain the world well here and it shows up that she has some sort of dormant powers that will come out at some point. The couple being mean was unexpected and good as well, it makes it more interesting. It's always great to see the protagonist have to struggle and overcome these things and keep that pure spirit alive while facing all of that negativity.

[Suuper-san]

Chapter 3: Blending in

Chapter 3: Blending in

Thoughts:
This chapter was quite split on quality I think. the first half, that is, the flashback and the city, look really good and flowed quite well. but the second half flopped quite hard. It flows...OK. but I don't even know why it's there. Is it exposition, is it character introductions? who knows.

I think I wanted to make Serenity be able to do something the others couldn't, despite her not being able to use runes. I ran out of space to fit it into this chapter for starters, but I really need to understand my magic system and the unique position of Serenity and her great-grandmother in terms of magic use. I'm definitely winging it, so there are bound to be plot holes popping up. But given this is a prototype manga, "I'll fix it in the final version" has been my saving catchphrase that helps me over the bumps. Whether I'll make a final version or not who knows :P

BG-wise the city came out really well, better than I expected, especially with the horses which I can't draw.

I think developing the other characters in the classroom would help to think of how to develop the plot I think, although I'm not stuck for ideas yet, I just don't know what to do with the rest of the class.

Drawing the rune magic, it's looking pretty wobbly, I'm not sure if I should pre-draw specific circles and reuse them, which would result in a higher quality finish, or carry on in the sketchy style because it matches the sketchy style of everything else.

anyways, enjoy.

Feedback

@Lego

Dude you totally nailed that city shot how the heeeeeck. Teach me suuper sensei!

Cubes, cubes everywhere...
but seriously here are the steps I did.

I sort of basically planned the roads for the foreground


and then just put up "cubes with roofs" everywhere until I ran out of space. Did some cylinder buildings too with dome tops for a bit of interest.


and then just redrawing and criss-crossing tiles everywhere, to make a lot of detail. For the houses more in the background I drew smaller roofs to give depth and perspective, although that was just by eye.

if I'm reading the manga in order right then you're officially improving story telling and art with each different hit?

You are indeed, the order I post them is the order I've been working on them , and while it might just be my different level of  interest in the stories contributing to their quality I'm glad it seems like they're improving
As it happens I do learn a lot as I jump between the stories so each one benefits from the experience gained in the previous stories.

she was totally not taught runes because the Seeking Witch can understand the fabric and nature of magic much more naturally and she's done her best to have Serenity be open to that fact.

BrUH.
Was it that obvious?
I mean it's not like I was trying to keep it a secret but you pretty much nailed it in one.

Just wish she had a bit more support. The teacher seems cool but jeez growing up in a bullying class can be a real problem.

She does make friends slowly, that's sort of the storyline I'm going with, that through her hard work and shining personality she gains the respect and friendship of others. So it has to start in a difficult place to show her development and progress.

Love your magic system for sure,

It's in pieces at the moment, it's basically a hard magic system governed by a soft magic system,which is madness to balance.

And usually manga openings feel a bit cheesy but it got me super interested.

I actually felt that this opening was probably the most cheesiest out of my 4 stories, at least it seems to resemble other stories' beginnings of a similar genre. But glad it didn't come across that way.

@Manimal

This sets up a good underdog story of sorts.

Yup I guess that's the genre this would fall into. I'm making the story quite heavy on character development and growing relationships.

The couple being mean was unexpected and good as well, it makes it more interesting.

Glad you thought so, it was almost a toss up as to which way they went but I figured a more difficult route for the protagonist would make it more interesting.

It's always great to see the protagonist have to struggle and overcome these things

Yeah too many stories have the protagonist already too powerful and it doesn't make for an interesting watch if there's no tension or hardships.

[Suuper-san]

Chapter 4: The Storm

Chapter 4: The Storm

Thoughts:
The first 2 panels I think are in the wrong order because they are meant to carry on without a break from the previous chapter last page, so the 2nd panel would have been better first as a recap panel I think.

This is only one day at school but it’s already stretching quite a few chapters ahead. I know pacing of manga varies by what’s happening but it feels very slow at the moment to gain speed and get into the actual plot. Like If I were reading this I’d probably be getting bored or suspicious by now that it’s not going anywhere. Maybe it just feels like that because I’m thinking about how the story goes next, but I’m not there yet.

I think Warren is the best character introduction I’ve done so far, although I think I could have swapped the two panels when he first appears, to give his first appearance more impact, and then Serenity’s reply can be in the second panel with the both of them.

Deciding the content of magic lessons varies a lot between exposition of my magic system and pure flavour text for filler. Obviously the more filled out my magic system is the easier I’ll be able to make it sound real, but at the moment I’m sort of winging it with a general idea in my head. Interestingly this has led me down the path of “when creating a magic system, how is it taught/learnt in the story?” as a bonus element to complexity.

anyways, enjoy.

[Suuper-san]

Chapter 5: New Things

Chapter 5: New Things

Thoughts:

Not sure why the teacher calls the students by their surname. It wasn’t uncommon in my school but still feels strange for some reason. Perhaps it’s probably not needed, but I feel without it, it would be strange. I suppose it makes character introductions more annoying since I refer to them by two names, separately.

I had to cut the chapter in half again annoyingly. I just can’t fit what I expect into a single chapter. But lately I’ve been starting to skimp on the content in my mind thinking that “I’ll make it fill a chapter”, but really I want to be clever and concise to fit in more, but not make it seem cramped.

enjoy.

[Suuper-san]

Chapter 6: Reaching Out

Chapter 6: Reaching Out

I made Anna the daughter of a Duke. I’ve done a fair bit of medieval hierarchy research but it’s still all a little above my understanding, so I’m going with a super basic nobility structure for the minute. I think Duke is pretty much the topmost one. I’m playing it a bit loose since I have no idea how to work with the ideas and ranks, and how they interact differently with society.

I added quite a few characters this time too as well as some possible minor characters, but I’m really not keeping much of a track of them properly, so I expect I’ll forget them quite quickly :P

The last panel is one of my favourite panels in this project so far. Definitely want more illustration-feel panels strewn across my work :P

I think the flow of this chapter went quite well, with showing emotions and moving the story along.

enjoy.

[Suuper-san]

Chapter 7: The Difficult Magic

Chapter 7: The Difficult Magic

Bonus: Chapter 1 Title Page

Spoiler

Thoughts:
Well this accidentally turned into a bonus Japanese class on how to study kanji. Again not sure if I’m being a bit too heavy on my magic system exposition, but really this is how the story plays out in my head. I’m starting to see that not everything that happens in your story needs to be seen, as long as it is implied or semi-explained at some point. But choosing which parts get seen, that’s what changes the flow and style of your story. I remember Lego saying he liked the simple day to day aspects like cooking or checking emails appearing in stories, whereas others might prefer more action without the need for that level of grounding the story in reality. I definitely prefer interesting scenes, but I like the everyday stuff too, especially if it’s fantasy as it’s different to what we know. So this story is leaning towards slice-of-life in my head...which is an unexpected turn of events. But being aware of the genre shift makes me more aware and open to plot opportunities in the slice-of-life genre as well now, so it’s a constantly evolving story. I’m also learning what I actually want to write as well.

I had quite a few coincidences like how Ruby went to the library and found Warren and Serenity, and how both their classes had been cancelled, but I just about justified it, and I don’t care for a solid plot at this point as there are so many holes a few more can’t hurt. So I’m just steamrolling ahead with the story and writing what I want :P

I’m enjoying writing the character interactions but it keeps driving me down unexpected paths and I’m almost writing myself into a hole every time. So far it’s alright but I can see it becoming a problem at some point.

The entire chapter ended up being magic explanation...I’m not sure if I could have condensed the dialogue to move the story forward more, but it just seems that this is how I’m imagining it in my head. I’ll probably start to notice more in other manga how to compact my ideas more now that I’m noticing that I don’t have that skill.

And I’m digging myself further into a plot hole with my magic system. Serenity has no elemental affinity, or rather, she has all of them. I have a couple of justifications for that but the order in which I release “secret” information will be the key to making the inconsistencies believable, I think.

Also noticed they went back to class after eating without any playing outside or anything. That’s partly a mistake and also I couldn’t figure out anything interesting that the children would play at lunchtime, especially with magic perhaps. Like children’s magic games. Would definitely like to expand that for future reference. Partly not giving myself enough time to develop the story has left me with blanks here and there for each story.

Also did I get the definition for academy right? This school is a new type within the story and most schools would not teach magic, partly for having skilled enough mages to do it and also advanced magic is also quite a new thing too. The government funds it to get skilled mages from all levels of society, which in turn they hope will contribute to society with their learned skills. Otherwise commoners and paupers etc with magical aptitude would get wasted (The city is quite serious about magic). So being able to be taught magic as a commoner is incredibly rare actually. This sort of exposition probably belongs somewhere in chapter 1, I think ahahaha.

Also now got two short spikey black haired male characters now gonna be fun to differentiate between them :/

anyways, enjoy.

[Suuper-san]

Chapter 8 - Strong Beliefs

Chapter 8 - Strong Beliefs

Thoughts:
This was a sort of cut off chapter really and begins and ends at random places in the story. Still working on that. But I decided to pull forward a couple of events, partly because I got stuck, but also because it seemed workable in a different order. It’s useful to have a smaller future plan that can be readjusted with minimal effort.

I’m struggling to give Serenity any proper personality and It’s really annoying now. Like how does she react in certain situations, how does she feel etc. I’m trying so hard but I just can’t get a sense of complex characters yet, they’re all mostly cardboard cutouts of generic characters at the moment and that’s super annoying. Also the character arc I have for Serenity is that she becomes friends with some of those that previously bullied her, and that’s incredibly difficult because not only do I need a ton of events where she makes small bits of progress with each character, but I also need to develop the bullies characters to also reflect this change in how they interact with her. So it’s very complicated.

In my head I have a “perfect” version of serenity where I can tell if an action suits her or not, but I can only say yes or no, I can’t directly think of what action does suit her or not. So this chapter was supremely hit and miss - she would not have recovered so quickly from being slapped I’m very sure, and it’s unlikely she would decide to be kind to the family so quickly after such an event. Not sure if I was cramming or just wanted to move the story on quickly or what. I just want to do a lot I guess.

Looking back I feel that Warren and Ruby made friends a little too fast with Serenity, considering it’s still the same day as the 2nd chapter, just a super long day. But in my mind, it’s been several weeks. So I feel like they are closer than they probably should be. Although they are friendly to begin with so it’s not impossible.

I’ve carried on with the couple she stays with being horrible. I’m still working on how she can soften them a little. I kinda went a bit too far with their horribleness to begin with, but I figured I need the practice for making characters that I don’t like, so more for my practice and experience I went further than I probably would have liked for their specific characters and this story. Again a useful part of this prototype format, especially for me with little experience. I kinda just thought up as any unreasonable complains they could possibly have and just threw them all in.

And once again my magic system isn’t properly developed so I’m giving Serenity much more control than I suspect she should have, although I still think it’s just about justified within my complex system. It’s more that I’m only just getting a proper sense of what I wanted in the first place, which was one of the possible outcomes of this project from the beginning.

Page count went high to 18 this time, I sort of wanted larger panels for the more interesting shots and so it filled out when I was drafting the pages. I’ll get the hang of it someday I’m sure.

Wasn’t sure if the last 2 panels could have been swapped to get more of an impact. I thought the bowl being fixed made a nice ending showing her growth, rather than the other panel showing her intent, but both were quite poingnant.

enjoy if possible :P

[Suuper-san]

Chapter 9 - A Revelation

Chapter 9 - A Revelation

Bonus: Chapter Titles Pages 2-5

Spoiler

Thoughts:
Annoyingly I’m starting to run out of plot for the short term. I have plenty of long-ish term ideas but I didn’t want to use them yet. So perhaps I need more ideas or just move into the next plot sooner than expected.

I montaged her getting closer with the family she is staying with, I feel like I made them too nice by the end given it was only about ~2 weeks time, but that’s my limited ability to have complex characters at the moment. So I can’t deal with the in between stages of becoming less hostile to becoming friendly. At the end of the day, even though it’s badly shown, it’s character development and plot happening, so I’m hoping next time I try something like that, I’ll be able to add a bit more complexity. It was hard writing the script without making them go a full 180 into nice people (although that’s how they appeared in the beginning), so the dialogue I think is super wobbly. Possibly one of my largest annoyances in this story so far actually. I don’t think they were bad people from the beginning, just a little disgruntled and took it out on her by mistake.

Also again my stories lean towards fire magic as being quite prevalent...that’s just my bias towards drawing it easily, but also lack of direction with my story and exploring the other uses of the elements and their way of being taught in school. So on a rewrite I would definitely like a good balance to show off all sorts of types of magic. I’m starting to add that now as I plan later chapters, but it’s a bit too late.

Aaron has the potential to be a proper scum antagonist, his father is also scummy and that’s who he takes after. But I don’t want so much of a focus on him although he has the potential to drive a lot of plot and character development for Serenity. In fact one possible story route sets off a massive part of the story which I’m thinking of. Sort of recycling Anna and her friends comments about commoners, although that’s how all nobles feel, as sort of pointed out by serenity asking if there are any good nobles. I’m just making it up as I go along.

But I’m getting a bit better at creating tension and arguments, basically making some characters horrible and stuck up, that sort of thing. Not sure if I could do it any better yet, but at least I’m doing it. A lot of the reasons the insults are from faceless characters or off-screen characters is simply because I’ve not planned out enough characters and so other than the ones already shown I’m out of new characters. Ideally should have planned more tbh.

Also never mentioned is that Serenity missed a day of school which was basically her second day...that could have been harped on more but I was keen to get the story moving forward a little more.

Also the ending plot and cliff-hanger came from nowhere, it sort of just wrote itself. I guess I had the idea that they find out about her grandmother at some point but I hadn’t specifically planned it here. I think it fits quite nicely.

Not sure if I tried to fit too much into this chapter, 2 quite important things happened and I wonder if it would better to have just one thing each chapter and make that the focus. Always a learning curve.

enjoy.

[Suuper-san]

Bonus: Chapter Title Pages 6-9

Spoiler

Just the chapter title pages this week, see my writing thread for why.

[Suuper-san]

Chapter 10 - The Leading Voice

Chapter 10 - The Leading Voice

Chapter 11 - Standing Up

Chapter 11 - Standing Up

Chapter 10 thoughts:
I was annoyed that I couldn’t take the “everyone now knows who her grandmother is” plot point anywhere, I sort of imagined it becoming a rumour around the school but couldn’t imagine how those events would play out, so I basically swept it under the carpet. Partly that’s because no one believes her, so it doesn’t go anywhere.

This happened much earlier, but it relates to this chapter onwards. I had to work on combining my ideas together to make the next section of plans for the story, and this led to a lot of ideas being changed up and moving around, also creating a possible new workflow for this sort of rough planning. But as a result I managed to plan the next 5-8 chapters super roughly and shouldn’t have too much of a trouble for a while on this story. In fact I can almost see a way through to around 30/40 chapters now so that’s nice. Most of the issue is that I’m driving the plot forward without much character development, or screentime for what I consider the main cast. So some of the “plot” really needs to be downtime from the main arc to allow the characters to interact and develop, as well as give backstory and flesh them out in-story. Annoyingly I think I want to have a lot of small things going on, which sounds more interesting than just one big thing going on, it’s probably more realistic and also the complexity is nice, but it’s harder to manage and think of lots of ideas. I might not quite be giving enough time to planning, well I’m definitely not tbh, and that’s partly because at the beginning I didn’t know how to plan anything, but I’m starting to get a good sense of how to plan effectively at level 1.

Talking of plot development, I’ve noticed a lot of my older notes for this story are becoming less coherent/relevant to my current understanding of the plot and magic system. So the story has definitely grown and changed as I’ve worked with it.

That being said having her reconcile with people who have been hostile to her two chapters in a row is a bit much I think. It was always going to happen in my plans, but I would have liked to spread out those good moments with some hard work or other things happening in between. But I just did the best I could with what I had available. I also leaned towards clichéd reactions and interactions towards the end where they become friends. That’s more because I wanted to see how they would look and they seemed more dramatic than what I could imagine myself from scratch, so I figured it was good drawing practice. And so bizarrely, serenity cries more here than anywhere else. I randomly made the other girl react differently because she’s only sort of copying everyone else and so she realised it wasn’t her own intentions. Also super wishful naivety on serenity’s part but it works. The script went quite bumpy for that interaction between the girls. If it wasn’t obvious, which it wasn’t, Caroline was the girl who said her grades would drop if she was around serenity a couple chapters back.

I actually crammed quite a lot in so it’s amazing it all fitted really. Setting up some possible long term plot as well.

Also super cheesy ending, I wanted to see what that would look like. As a side point drawing hand-holding is a super pain, especially with my lower quality guideline style. I basically gave up :P

The double page spread was surprisingly fun, I thought it would be sluggish, but I found it actually quite calming and could add more detail than I expected. Still took quite a while, even at mega fast speed.

Also this chapter is why the story is called whispering magic btw.

Chapter 11 thoughts:
I really wondered about this chapter as it sort of blends with the previous chapter and sort of feels like a duplicate chapter. I struggled to not repeat phrases I used previously. I wondered about merging chapters 10 and 11, but went ahead as I had planned because I couldn’t merge them into a short chapter - it ended up being too long with all the events in it, so there you go. But I’m starting to see the value of abbreviating events that don’t contribute to the main plot - have them but don’t let them take up pages of space.

I mention the magical assessment - this was actually a large part of the plot, but it’s so far away now it didn’t make it into this volume. Slightly annoying but there you go I managed to write other stuff.

enjoy.

[Suuper-san]

Chapter 12 - A Pure Wish

Chapter 12 - A Pure Wish

Thoughts:
Very confused about the personality of Rai to be honest. Basically he’s a good guy but struggles with communication with others. But that’s difficult to write and show. I went a similar route to what I saw done with the librarian girl in The World only God Knows, that they just have a constant stream of thoughts and can’t pick the right thing to say, so people assume they’re not talkative or friendly whereas the opposite is true. Not sure how he grows to be a friend with serenity either lol. I also gave him a bit of a unique element affinity so that everyone’s scared of him as well, that’s more because it made it easier to estrange him from people, rather than any long term plan for his ability. I used serenity as a character base for his internal thoughts since I really didn’t have a clue. At least I’m learning what I can’t do :P Also why did it take him this long to reach out to someone? Who knows. Perhaps it was because serenity approached him first he thought he had a chance. But large dialogue fills up speech bubbles quite a lot, so it was difficult to fit it in compared to normal speech. Also I sort of shifted the view of him from just being anti-social to being outright scary because of his magic. So it’s unlikely warren and ruby would have suggested to ask him anything since they would have been nervous around him too. I actually expected more of this type of plot hole in my stories tbh as I changed up things, but perhaps I just can’t see them for the trees.

Kinda just made up the entire chapter. I mean when do I not but yeah. Basically whatevered my way to the end. The letter contents were difficult because I was imagining Rai struggling over what to write but I skipped that because otherwise the entire chapter would be Rai panicking and that was making me panicky lol. I just went with the overall thought content without focusing on the actual wording, so it’s quite dry and, simple, I guess. Also timeline-wise I messed up a couple of times, making a bit of a plot hole. Basically lack of proper planning in the beginning methinks.

I also wasn’t sure about the flashbacks, because it starts with a flashback of a younger Rai, but then jumps forward to 2 weeks previous, so it’s still a flashback, sort of, still not current time. Hopefully the similar circumstances made it clear that it was showing the same scenes from before, but from Rai’s point of view. I didn’t want it to take up too many pages so I kinda crammed it into 3 pages but it probably should have been like 4 or 5 to be nicely paced, probably. The time jumps probably aren't too clear to be honest, but at least I'm aware of that for next time.

Also sort of a decent cliff-hanger for the volume end as well. Again the magic system is a mess so I can’t really explain why most of the stuff happens, I just basically wanted cool interesting stuff and it was too hard to justify in a concrete way.

Probably there was enough content in this to make 2 well-paced chapters but I really wanted to have something interesting happening so I crammed it in anyway ahaha. Probably not the best but at least I did what I wanted.

enjoy.