Omega World [Prototype]

[Suuper-san]

Please read my disclaimer if you would like to critique (basically don't critique minor details since I'm only focusing on expressing the core of the idea)
But if you seriously want to mention more fine details then go ahead, it may still be useful to me but I dont want to waste your time.

This is a prototype manga as it is basically in draft format, both script and art. I intend at some point to completely rewrite it and produce it at a proper quality level, although there will always be the allure of the next shiny story.

Omega World (Previously: Beta Reincarnation)



Blurb

A man dies and reincarnates into a fantasy world with magic. He was meant to have overpowered game-style abilities as many heroes do, but as he is the first person that the God has reincarnated, his powers are unreliable and he can almost never use them properly. He ends up trying to learn magic the hard way as everyone else does in this world, to get by.

Chapters

Chapter 1: Blasted Far Away

Chapter 2: The First Battle

Chapter 3: Just a Traveller

Chapter 4: On a Quest

Chapter 5: It's a Bugged Game

Chapter 6: Quest Clear

Chapter 7: The Journey Home

Chapter 8 - Family

Chapter 9 - Fire Burning in Our Hearts

Chapter 10 - The Mana Flows Freely

Chapter 11 - The Old and the New

Chapter 12 - The Beginning

Volume 1 Bonus Chapter

[Suuper-san]

Chapter 1: Blasted Far Away

Chapter 1: Blasted Far Away

Thoughts:
The chapter 1 script was far too long and I had to cut it in half, so it ends on a far less thrilling cliffhanger than I would have liked. I'll figure out pacing eventually I'm sure.

I tried to make it look like the main character had a boring and repetitive life, perhaps due to missed opportunities etc. I also tried to contrast his life with his friend from university who has a more intersting life, although not necessarily better. I wanted the main character to have regrets but not know how to fix up his life and makeit more interesting, but then he has the opportunity on reincarnating into an Isekai world.

There was a lot of dialogue and not much action, partly because the action is in the second half of the script that is now going to be chapter 2.

I tried to make it look like he realises it's a different world because of the different scenery and animals, although I don't think that came across too well.

I also wanted a better title but for now I'm stuck with this one.

anyways, enjoy.

[Suuper-san]

Chapter 2: The Slime

Chapter 2: The Slime

Thoughts:
This is both the end of the original chapter 1 and the start of the original chapter 2. I'm sort of cutting the chapters in a strange way until I get back in sync with writing the whole chapter and it fits in a chapter's worth of pages. I've almost got the hang of it though :P

I thought there were a comple of good comedic moments in this chapter due to the new character's clumsyness, hopefully it came across well. It's not meant to be a comedy, but still quite light hearted, so there will probably be a lot more moments like this.

The action played out pretty well I think, but I struggled on creative camera angles and shots for the panels, so overall it feels quite dull I think. The explosion and magic effects went alright I think.

It's hard with writing an Isekai/Reincarnation to know how much emotion to put in the characters first few moments "I'll never see my family again!" or "I'm never going back?!?!" sort of realisations. I put them in the next few chapters but it feels strange to not have them earlier. Most popular stories sadly don't have them at all which makes the characters feel very flat like "sure I'll never see my family again, but who cares, I can do magic!"
In this respect SAO did excellently with the massive panic on everyone realising they are trapped.

Drawing the action poses were also a little difficult as I had to take into account motion and all sorts of balance and stuff, and so they didn't come out too well either.

anyways, enjoy.

[legomaestro]

That character is 100% going to get him killed. Got three chuckles out of me during this read. Dude this is top notch stuff. Have you at least considered making a domain to post your manga? I like Eclipse but this is definitely a story I'm invested in seeing.

You can totally go with this one and people will enjoy reading it. Trust me, literally PM a raider here or a friend and ask them what they thing. I liked this haha.

The pacing is much better too. Totally felt the 9-5 vibe at the beginning, and I'm curious about the lawyer dude. Probably won't appear in the new world but would be interesting.

Nice sense of place and scale too so yeah you're checking all the boxes. Just keep drawing broski.

[Manimal]

A great set-up again, the montage was vivid and you can get the feeling of it playing out in animation from reading it. Meeting the adventurer who actually sucks at what he does in chapter 2 was great. I liked the scenery bit in episode 1 I thought it did good showing that he is somewhere else. and the stove explosion was really well framed. 

Not only is your output insane but you doing these way different series at the same time. That is very impressive man, these are really tight reads as well.

[Suuper-san]

Chapter 3: Just a Traveller

Chapter 3: Just a Traveller

Thoughts:
Here is where my magic system is getting a little choppy. In terms of why didn't the healing work the first time on the hero. Basically we find out later that he has a skill "magic resistance", which typically would reduce debuffs, but it also reduces buffs as well because it's a broken system. as to why the spell worked with a full incantation...I'm not entirely sure. A full incantation will make the spell stronger than an abbreviated spell, so perhaps that's just it. Even then he doesn't fully recover so I think I nerfed the spell alright.

Overall I think this chapter went well. I didn't introduce Darcie too well in line with my not-introducing-characters-properly trend. She's a lot cuter in my head than how I draw her :P

Putting the popups for the "Hero System" in place was quite easy using the perspective transform tool, but it took a little while to get into the flow. I used Word to design the popup, and I'll do the same for the rest of the holograms that appear. Hopefully this wont impact the inking time of the pages too much, but it's a good introduction into reusing repeatable elements and dealing with more complex art.

The BG was pretty much the same all the way through, nothing but trees and clouds, so was pretty easy, I felt a longing to move the characters on to draw more interesting backgrounds, which will happen more in the next few chapters.

Much like all of my stories, the pacing is much slower than I anticipated for a chapters-worth of content. I think that's because I'm being over ambitious, but also because I'm not being concise/compact with my flow and so I'm taking up a lot of panels to do relatively little.

anyways, enjoy.

Feedback

@Lego

Got three chuckles out of me during this read. Dude this is top notch stuff

Haha thanks and thanks

Have you at least considered making a domain to post your manga?

Totally, all the time, since years ago lol. It's just a pain to deal with so I'll get there eventually for public stuff and social media.

You can totally go with this one and people will enjoy reading it.

Glad to hear it. It's quite a light hearted adventure story for the most part and I think probably the easiest of my 4 stories to write script and plot for. I'm going with the flow for this one and just enjoying it myself as well, to be honest.

Totally felt the 9-5 vibe at the beginning, and I'm curious about the lawyer dude.

Glad the tedium came across and yeah the lawyer was just a random character to fill space and drive plot.

@Manimal

the montage was vivid and you can get the feeling of it playing out in animation from reading it

Funny I think I imagine the scenes as animation in my head so if it feels a bit animationy then that's why ehehehe

I liked the scenery bit in episode 1 I thought it did good showing that he is somewhere else. and the stove explosion was really well framed.

Thanks, glad it worked well. Although I'm skimping on art quality I still want the art to convey the right sort of stuff.

Not only is your output insane but you doing these way different series at the same time. That is very impressive man, these are really tight reads as well.

Thanks! We'll see if I can maintain the high output but I'm keeping it high to push myself through the next boundary.

[Suuper-san]

Chapter 4: On a Quest

Chapter 4: On a Quest

Thoughts:

I really wanted to add shading for the night time, but decided not to because of time constraints and not being sure exactly how to do it. I’ll pay attention to other manga when there is a night scene to get a better idea and then I’ll be prepped for the next one. There’s a lot of first time stuff going on like this and it’s just making me aware of the things I have to keep an eye out in real life or in manga to learn from.

anyways, enjoy.

[Suuper-san]

Chapter 5: It's a Bugged Game

Chapter 5: It's a Bugged Game

Thoughts:

I would have liked to show the MC surprised at being able to use magic but basically forgot, so it came across as almost like he expected to be able to use it, although he is quite genre-conscious so it’s not completely out of character.

Doing the effects and lighting went quite well, although the popup boxes are always annoying to get right.

Overall the story is going quite slowly, but I'm quite sure of the plot for a good 5/6 chapters so I'm basically cruising on this one.

Otherwise, nothing outrageously bad, nothing amazingly good, just another average chapter.

enjoy.

[Suuper-san]

Chapter 6: Quest Clear

Chapter 6: Quest Clear

Thoughts:
So the resolution to the cliff-hanger was to mark the glowing plants (by wrapping them with string) and then pull them up during the day when they don’t glow. That’s about as clever as I can get for strategy to be honest, and it felt really stupid even when I wrote it. I think that there was probably an even better way he could have dealt with it and I’ll think of it in a couple of weeks and kick myself. But if it works then hey who am I to judge.

Something that I would have liked is to have clearly stated the contents of Will’s bag first, and then it’s more amazing when he is able to use the items to solve problems. For now I’m just making it a magic bag that will have some sort of useful item in it for now...but typically something that he could/would have bought at the supermarket on his way home from work.

I also included the incantation for the Inspection spell, but it’s likely Loraine would be able to skip the incantation given that it’s basically her job to confirm the quality of materials. I leftit in because I wanted the practice for writing and featuring incantations for when I want to to make one look really good, I’ll haver the practice.

Enjoy.

[Suuper-san]

Chapter 7: The Journey Home

Chapter 7: The Journey Home

Bonus: Chapter 1 Title Page

Spoiler

Thoughts:
Every now and then I have little moments of clarity to notice small plot issues, like having lanterns alongside straw in a stable – surely that’s a massive fire hazard? I left it in but I did have the thought nonetheless. Hopefully as I gain more skill I’ll be able to act on smaller thoughts like that.

I’m also noticing where my background design could be better - I never designed anything for behind Lorraine, and so it was always just white, not because I couldn’t have drawn something - but because I never decided what it actually was. So I think I dfinitely need to spend more time designing the place properly, perhaps even using 3d software (need to trial the usefulness of that) to get a definite reference to use when drawing BG.

enjoy.

[nothuman]

Finished reading the first chapter! Your paneling was super effective and nothing took me out from moving from one dialogue to another. Also love the way you captured the mundaneness! Looking forward to reading the other chapters!

[Suuper-san]

@nothuman thanks for giving it a read! glad you liked it. I'll be happy to hear any thoughts you have on the rest! Criticism is welcome too

[nothuman]

Got a chance to read chapter 2! Really loved the humor and energy of the characters. I'm loving it so far. 

[Suuper-san]

glad to hear it!
It's hard to write characters with energy without making them too energetic though!

[Suuper-san]

Chapter 8 - Family

Chapter 8 - Family

Thoughts:
I wasn’t sure if I made the father too angry in his introduction, but hopefully his justifications later on sounded alright and he really does love both his kids very much. That’s why he’s so angry at Dariel for risking his life.

Also as a kinda major side point, I’ve finally settled on a new name for this manga - Omega World. That’s a name taken from the later plot of the story so it’s relevant as opposed to the current title which sort of doesn’t make sense. I used the word Beta from Beta tester, i.e. someone who finds glitches and bugs in a game, because the hero runs into problems with his RPG-game-style powers. But it felt clichéd using the word “reincarnation”, and the Beta isn’t so clear perhaps, so I switched to Omega, which has a completely different significance in the plot. But it’ll take a while to retcon my work for the final volume release, so it might not show consistently for a while.

have fun.