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Author Topic: Help kinda  (Read 426 times)

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Offline bossx5

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Help kinda
« on: July 09, 2019, 12:53:36 AM »
I have had a bad 2019 and been away again to gather myself. I lost my mother and it hurts of all days april 1st. I say this because its the reason for a story i want to do but i want you guys help with the characters mainly the protagonist.

The story is set in the end of the world (you said you were getting away crom the saddness) but its a comedy based on a delivery boy who survived the whole thing only to be stuck with a new job he hates a babysitter. He discovers a small group of kids alone with no one to care for them and with the stupid zombies roaming around his only option is to take care of them. But while looking for a safe place he finds more children.

Basically its a comedy that turns a little serious based on a young man i want him to be old enough to take care of kids but still be inexperienced learning what life is and what true love is (no pedo stuff he is in search of a woman to help but instead of looking for a couple, remember he is young). My thing i need help with is his development should he be goofy which in all honesty most mangas make the MC a little goffy example luffy goku toriko Asta. Anyway is it possible to do this with him being somewhat serious but clumsy. Or should i just make him humorous.

Ps the story is a comedy slice of life story with serious tones but i dont think they will overshadow the story. Any advice opinions are welcomed and thanks for reading i might post a rough draft soon if intrested. Sorry for length.

Offline Coryn

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Re: Help kinda
« Reply #1 on: July 09, 2019, 08:15:23 PM »
I'm sorry to hear about your mother Boss. It's never easy losing a loved one. My full condolences.


Anyway, onto the story. I think what you're sorta dancing around, is that this guy needs to be college age. Early 20s. It's the right age where you might know just enough to get by in life, but at the same time you haven't really lost your innocence. There's still plenty of opportunity to be goofy, but there would be the ability to buckle down when he needs to.

And yeah, you don't want to go full goof. You need to make them well rounded. A goof should still be lovable, but go too goofy, and then they just become annoying.

Will review stories upon request. My latest arc: http://goo.gl/KYgsfF

Offline bossx5

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Re: Help kinda
« Reply #2 on: July 10, 2019, 02:00:53 AM »
Thank you and thats what i want to avoid. I was thinking like the first set of kids he stumbles on are siblings and one is like 16 close enough to watch the kids when he goes out. Im also contemplating some super power not over the type but tge 6 sense type. And i dont see anyone eles doing this here but is okay to share endings i ask because if you are posting in this section your story is a prototype meaning its somewhat of a community test group.

Offline Coryn

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Re: Help kinda
« Reply #3 on: July 10, 2019, 10:48:12 PM »
Yeah no, ending posting is perfectly fine. In fact I'd encourage more people do it to help give greater scope to what they're doing while on this board. It's just that I think as writers we all have an instinct to self regulate and keep the endings back as way of avoiding spoilage (assuming most have endings already in mind). But if your story is truly in development, I don't see the harm.

Will review stories upon request. My latest arc: http://goo.gl/KYgsfF

Offline bossx5

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Re: Help kinda
« Reply #4 on: July 11, 2019, 12:42:58 AM »
I was thinking the same. In the ending i want to go the dragon ball to dragonball z route but the second arc will be short so i can do my favorite kinda of story action but im not taking the comedy out of the story. The ending i have in mind is one of the children he looked after becomes a zombie (this ends the main story) but the MC cant kill him because of the love he has for the now young man and lets him escape.

The true ending will be the part two where most of the kids have become hunters looking for survivors and their lost brother to end his misery but they discover that the MC is also looking to do the job to protect them from the mental harm it can cause. In the process they discover that one person is controlling the zombies so they must find the person.

Other notes in this story zombies differ you have the slow moving ones and then the mutated and finally the generals huge somewhat thinking zombies who leads packs of zombies. They retain their original talents but lack conscious meaning their personality.

Offline Coryn

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Re: Help kinda
« Reply #5 on: July 11, 2019, 11:10:41 PM »
Hm,... I mean when you put it like that, it sounds like you're not describing an ending at all. It's sorta a weak ending if the story just immediately picks back up again right? It's more like you'd just be trying to make a sequel out of thin air. But you can put in a big time jump like that, but I would just call it a change in act. Same story, but now it's on to act 2.

In that case, I'd try and find a way to make this a true 3 act epic. It sounds like you're already wanting to go into it for the long haul. So you might as well lay out the structure. Maybe find a place to cut/skip ahead some before the one kid gets zombied. Depending how young these kids start, maybe you jump ahead 10 years to when they're in their teens, and then you can explore your characters at that age. The protagonist can be more advanced as both a fighter and as father. Make that act 2, and then at the end of it, we learn about the zombie controller, and one of the kids die. Then we get another time skip to when the kids are adults in their own right, and the father character has come into his midlife.

That way, we get to watch all of the characters learn and grow through multiple distinct parts of life. And there's the added bonus of adding a sense of continuity, because the kids will have become the same age as our protagonist by the end as he was at the beginning.

But maybe I'm spit balling too much. I just hope it's some food for thought.

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Offline legomaestro

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Re: Help kinda
« Reply #6 on: July 12, 2019, 05:56:50 AM »
(Also sorry about your mother man. Hang in there, and glad to see you making ideas and stuff.)

I can't add much other than saying I find myself interested in seeing how the MC grows along with the characters he took care of.

Am I reading it right in thinking there are super powers in this? Is it related to the zombies? Are they virus zombies or something created by magic?

I also think coming up with a working title for your project may help you frame it better in your mind when thinking of the ideas. Even place holder names for things like the main character and the like could be nice.

Where does the story take place? You can have very interesting things happen depending on where the zombie apocalpyse is happening. A small village surrounded by mountains and forests? A massive city? What about an island? The setting will also be good in explaining how the MC is able to live long enough, find enough food and shelter to support his 'family' so to speak.


Offline Vikings1428

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Re: Help kinda
« Reply #7 on: July 12, 2019, 04:50:45 PM »
(Also sorry about your mother man. Hang in there, and glad to see you making ideas and stuff.)

I can't add much other than saying I find myself interested in seeing how the MC grows along with the characters he took care of.

Am I reading it right in thinking there are super powers in this? Is it related to the zombies? Are they virus zombies or something created by magic?

I also think coming up with a working title for your project may help you frame it better in your mind when thinking of the ideas. Even place holder names for things like the main character and the like could be nice.

Where does the story take place? You can have very interesting things happen depending on where the zombie apocalpyse is happening. A small village surrounded by mountains and forests? A massive city? What about an island? The setting will also be good in explaining how the MC is able to live long enough, find enough food and shelter to support his 'family' so to speak.

I didn't get the sense of superpowers, just mainly a survival setting with zombies and all also with some story involved. maybe you should think on not only just the MC and the characters he has to take care of but you can also think about possible antagonists and other side characters within this post apocalyptic world, especially when every human is fighting for their own survival, sounds similar to high school of the dead or walking dead with the setting but I would like to see the slice of life/comical sense you put into it as well as the more dramatical tone, plus with zombies there is always a bit of gore and action

Offline bossx5

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Re: Help kinda
« Reply #8 on: July 12, 2019, 05:11:41 PM »
Thanks guys she always said life moves on i cant change the hurt but its life. And to answer the power questions no super strengths but like esp and visions and the ending it will end in like a comidic way with our main character story him building a safe zone. But what i mean by true ending is the wraping up of the full ending like extra where you get a diffrent view of how the children grew and how they all live their lives.

The title part qell im working on it. The zombies are super strong which i believe all real humans have it but our bodies have limit caps that keeps us from hurting ourselves of course a 130 lbs man cant lift a car over his head but he might can lift the back in extreme conditions.

Offline bossx5

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Re: Help kinda
« Reply #9 on: September 13, 2019, 10:32:59 PM »
iphysiologic.im still working on this but its hard to flesh out character s personality and be true to it like when you are watching a movie and we all do this is ask why would they do something so stupid, what im trying to say is to think outside of myself. To clarify the ending thing the first arc is a young mans journey to true adulthood in extreme conditions. The second will be about the new generation growing up in this new world.
I can see how its like a sequel but the second arc will have a darker tone.

Offline Coryn

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Re: Help kinda
« Reply #10 on: September 15, 2019, 07:02:20 PM »
I find that true personality comes from the small things that aren't called to attention. The reader will always pick up on things, even if you aren't making a point of it. So don't be afraid to slip things in that help define your characters. If you want your character to have a drug habit for instance, they should always be scrimping and saving on other activities just to retain a few extra cents to fuel what they are craving. You don't have to spell it out for the reader, but if you show the character acting as one would act and give the right clues, you will have built them up more than any well thought soliloquy ever could.

Will review stories upon request. My latest arc: http://goo.gl/KYgsfF

Offline Crackhead Johny

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Re: Help kinda
« Reply #11 on: October 02, 2019, 03:30:19 PM »
Are you funny? Have hundreds or thousands of people told you you should do stand up? Do you do stand up?

If not keep in mind that doing quality comedy can be nearly as difficult as quality time travel (always avoid time travel unless you wrote Primer!).

I'm a little worried as I already see you talking about goofy or serious but clumsy..
Comedy is a 1 shot deal, after that first time you have heard that joke before. You cannot plagiarize. Dane Cook? Carlos Mencia? Dead careers after joke stealing. Robin Williams moved into serious stuff like Dennis Leary, before stealing killed their careers.

I had to remove something from my book after googling it to still make sure it was mine. Long long ago at a scifi convention I was staggering around drunk at ~3AM and saw 2 trekkies talking I held up my hand in the "Shocker" sign and said "Live long and shocker" 1 trekkie looked angry and the other looked like I kicked his puppy. I though it was hilarious and busted out laughing. Then I found my friends and giant crowds of people and did it and they though it was hilarious.
When I got home I googled it and got no returns. This was mine.
The next year I would whip it out every so often for laughs and even tried to get someone online to photoshop the classic Spock pic to be giving the shocker sign. Got home and still no Google returns.
Well, ever so many years later after one of my characters picks up a T shirt with the Spock art I wanted (and never got). So I google it to make sure it is still mine. A bazillion returns, including the Spock pic I wanted and even Leonard freaking Nimoy giving the shocker sign at a convention. It was no longer mine and if I kept it in I'd be a joke stealer. So my own joke had to be removed. When you share your jokes online/with people you can lose them. I have caught people doing my stuff as their own many times without crediting me.

A comedy piece may take you years as you text yourself/write down whatever you said that made a room bust out laughing, until you have enough of the good stuff to fill in a book. Always google your jokes to make sure they are yours. I had a character say "Hell is other people" google says Jean-Paul freaking Sartre said it first.. DELETE.

Hollywood and anime is mostly just endless plagiarism these days (your average shonen fighting anime looks like they used TVTropes as a plagiarism check list https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/SoYouWantTo/WriteAShonenSeries which is why just about all of it is brain damaged trash. This is what made One Punch such a wonderful parody of the genre). Trope? Plagiarized! Cliche? Plagiarized to the point no one knows who came up with it first. Wanting to play by those rules with comedy just generates garbage and gets people to consider you a thief.

The only humor you can recycle (carefully) are jokes no one wrote. Like getting hit in the groin. Getting hit in the groin has been funny since before humans developed language. You still can't copy a famous groin strike. Steven Segal in "Cock Puncher" (find it on Youtube) shows how well this one joke can work even when used again and again. The same for "Ow my Balls" from Idiocracy.

The problem with "goofy" or "clumsy" is that it suggests you are just going to be stealing/recycling other people's stuff. 
« Last Edit: October 02, 2019, 03:42:17 PM by Crackhead Johny »