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Author Topic: Arabic fantasy webcomic script  (Read 150 times)

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Offline JackOfArtAndProse

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Arabic fantasy webcomic script
« on: April 22, 2019, 07:23:48 AM »
Hello folks!

I'm JackOfArtAndProse, a new arrival to these forums. I debated a bit whether I should post the very first comic strip from my main project over here, to get some valuable feedback, and decided that I'd do just that. I'm posting this one without any preface, trying to avoid giving you any references so that I can gauge whether or not I can convey the story's beginning through its own merits alone. I will, however, state that this is written in scrolling format that is common to webtoons. Also, my script-writing is functional, but it doesn't adhere to the most conventional formula.

I look forward to hearing you folks' thoughts and ruminations!

Quote
Blood of the Immortal(WIP name)

Comic strip 1

[Panel 1: This is a scrolling panel that continues until all of the exposition is done. The panel is entirely black, sans the white text(this is subject to change; no one wants to read a webcomic that starts with a literal black screen as it is unappealing)]

Narrative: What is a Lifeblood?

(As the readers scroll down the black panel, more sentences appear)

Narrative: The Black Caps have struggled with this question for a millennia already.

Narrative: “Bloods' are items”, they argue, being correct.

Narrative: “Reflections of one's vitality”, they continue, stating but a simple fact.

Narrative: However, I know…

(some blackness in between)

Narrative: If someone were to claim that Lifebloods are something far more, he'd call upon himself the wrath of those who once lived in the shadow of the God-King.

(some blackness in between)

Narrative: You don't play games with the Church of the God-King...

Narrative: ...especially not cat and mouse.


[some black space in between)


Narrative:  Rilad Sylnera’s diary,
113 years after the demise of the God-king



(The black panel fades into whiteness, which fades into a view of a blue sky with an emphasized sun overhead to convey the heat. A distant plume of dark smoke is rising up into the sky.)
(The panel scrolls down, the sky slowly changing into high-rising buildings, then medium-sized buildings and a bazaar. There's people shuffling about and buying goods from bazaar stalls; fruit, roasted meat, all kinds of things. All the time, we can see the plume of dark smoke in the far distance. Then the panel continues down into the shadows of the Shadow District[a slum of sorts], showing two people[Elir and Sari, our main characters] walking down a heavily shadowed street. The high-rising buildings from before cast large shadows over the district, and the mood is somewhat foreboding, as if hinting at things to come. However, the sun is shining RIGHT on the two[we’re only seeing their backs for now, and Elir is walking slightly huddled as if he were assaulted by the heat from th)e sun]. Sari - the girl walking on the right side - has turned her head to look up at the plume of smoke in the distance, shielding her eyes with her hand. Elir - the one walking on the left side - walks huddled as if silently suffering under his cape.)


[Panel 2: Same shot as at the end of panel 1, but we're shown Sari speaking her first line in the whole series.]
Sari: The smoke still lingers.

[Panel 3: Camera cuts to Sari, showing her entire upper body and face as she’s looking upward from between her fingers. We're shown a few small glimmers of sweat on her neck. She’s frowning heavily as she peers into the distance, her gesture suggesting that she has a bad eyesight.]
Sari: Was it that bad…?

[EXTRA PANEL(added during editing process): Same shot as in panel 3, but Sari turns to look at Elir, lowering the hand she had used to shield her eyes.]
Elir(speech bubble coming from outside the panel): Sari...

[Panel 4: Camera pans to Elir as if we were looking from Sari's eyes. We see Elir looking at the “camera” from under his hood. We don’t see his eyes. It is clear that Elir dislikes the hot weather.]
Elir: You won’t figure out what happened last night even if you keep staring at the sky.

[Panel 5: A shot of Sari from behind. We're shown her holding her hand to her waist in a traditional "duh" pose, her other hand pointed towards Elir as if she were demanding for an explanation.]
Sari: Well, excuse me for trying!

[Panel 6: An enlarged shot of panel 5. We still don’t see his face. Sari is agitated, perhaps lifting both of her arms into the air as if exasperated with Elir.]
Elir: Your eyes are already bad as-is--
Elir(second speech bubble):--better not make them worse by looking anywhere near the sun.
Sari: You’re the enemy of all natural curiosity!

[Panel 7: A small shot at Sari who is lowering her hands and looking somewhat despondent. It looks like she’s emotionally overwhelmed by the unknown circumstance looming in the horizon.]


[Panel 8: Same shot as panel 7, Elir’s speech bubble comes from outside the panel.]
Elir: Come on. It’s not much further 'till the bazaar.

[Panel 9: A shot of Elir, showing his upper body.]
Elir: It’ll be cooler there.

[Panel 10: A shot of Sari inhaling deep, as if trying to control herself.]

[Panel 11: A shot of Elir and Sari from the side as they round a corner.]
Sari: You owe me a plateful of fruit.
Elir: Do you know how much fruits go for nowadays?!
Sari: Oh, I know.  And that’s why.

[This last exchange happens in the white space just before the chapter ends]
Elir: ...Fruit addict.
Sari: Numbhead.
Elir: Glutton.
Sari: Boor.
Elir: Blind princess who never does any housework.
Sari: I have to do research!

EDIT: Also, I might combine this webcomic 'strip' with the next one to make it longer and a more coherent whole. For now, however, this is the form that it has taken.
« Last Edit: April 22, 2019, 07:27:55 AM by JackOfArtAndProse »

Online KeanFox

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Re: Arabic fantasy webcomic script
« Reply #1 on: April 22, 2019, 06:43:22 PM »
I read it on google docs. Seems nice. A bit short to know whats up. I didn't try the scrolling format so I can't say much about it. Like you said scrolling format is best for webtoons and such. When reading the script I get the webtoons feel, so thats good.

Offline suuper-san

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Re: Arabic fantasy webcomic script
« Reply #2 on: April 23, 2019, 08:01:24 AM »
cool so far. not much happens but the first half certainly leaves us wanting to know more.
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Offline JackOfArtAndProse

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Re: Arabic fantasy webcomic script
« Reply #3 on: April 23, 2019, 08:48:57 AM »
Quote
cool so far. not much happens but the first half certainly leaves us wanting to know more.

Ah, that means that I pretty much succeeded at what I was trying to do. Sparking readers' interest was my first priority, and the pace will only pick up from here(this is basically the beginning of a prologue that will contain the instigating incident which will push the whole story into motion).
« Last Edit: April 23, 2019, 09:32:57 AM by JackOfArtAndProse »

Offline Kagayaki-hime

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Re: Arabic fantasy webcomic script
« Reply #4 on: May 02, 2019, 04:30:22 PM »
I did learn a lot about writing scripts from reading this. My mind is still blocked, though.

Offline suuper-san

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Re: Arabic fantasy webcomic script
« Reply #5 on: May 03, 2019, 09:59:26 AM »
@Kagayaki-hime writing/drawing block is a common problem. If you're stuck on what to do, maybe try and take a manga and describe each panel/speech as if you were giving it to an artist to draw. that will help you to build up your descriptive ability so when you do have a story to write, you'll be much more able to bring it to life.

@JackOfArtAndProse aha that's cool. can't wait for more then :P
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Offline JackOfArtAndProse

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Re: Arabic fantasy webcomic script
« Reply #6 on: May 12, 2019, 06:45:38 PM »
@Kagayaki-hime Oh wow. Thank you, that means a lot. I will have to state, however, that my script-writing style is hardly professional. It's only meant to be functional.

@suuper-san Glad to hear! I'll be writing more once the month ends(although I do have a more pressing project coming up soon-ish).