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Author Topic: Journey of the Dimensions (working title)  (Read 134 times)

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Offline jubacard

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Journey of the Dimensions (working title)
« on: March 29, 2019, 08:40:26 PM »
Hello everyone my name is Julian Barragan but y'all can call me Jubacard here lol.
I'm a proffessional filmmaker from Colombia that for some reason decided to start writting a manga lol.
I'm familiar with the rules of story structure and I add my flare to it, but this is for sure my first attempt at a shonen format.

The lore of the story Centers Around The Morai Agency. They have the job of fixing time anomalies throughout space and time. Matsuko is our rebel member of Morai, and ise, our protagonist is a first semester college student who doesn't know what to do with his life, they meet and go on crazy space and time adventures.

It's done in a screenwritting format but with some liberties taken.
Every type of comment of suggestion is recieved! thank you! I wanna write as much as possible.

Chapter 1

Spoiler










Chapter 1 (text spread)

Spoiler

fade in.

int. abandoned warehouse - day.

A tin can lays against a wall. A quick shadows passes by that knocks the can down. Matsuko (18) tall, very slender look, with a fashion sense that doesn't make a ton of sense, That's just not a thing She pay's attention to.

Matsuko chases the shadowed figure trough the warehouse, while he seems out of breath, he does not stop.

Finally the beast is cornered against a windowed wall; Matsuko and it lock eyes.

matsuko

Please don't make me do this

Still covered in shadows, the beast makes jumps towards Matsuko. Matsuko attacks the beast and they both go through the window.

ext. abandoned warehouse - day

Book and the beast fall through and as they hit the ground; Isetika Kuharu (18) passes by.

A blue liquid splashes out of the beast and on Ise. Ise looks at his shirt, then looks at the beast and Matsuko.

Matsuko cannot believe Ise is looking at the beast.

Matsuko

mumbling

...What?

POV of ISE: The street is completely empty.

ISE

Huh.

ISE continues his way. matsuko keeps looking at Ise therefore the beast runs away.

Montage - Ise in college

The whole montage is Ise going through his regular day, throughout it all he says is:

ISE

Bored.

Ext. Gym - day

Ise runs laps on the track.

Once he sits on the bleachers, a drop of blue liquid falls onto his hand, he looks up, and notices that something is dropping those drops but it is not the roof itself. they appear to be falling from nothing.

A blue drop generates but, before it falls it moves very fast to an abandoned building near the college. Ise decides to follow.

ext. abandoned building - day

Overgrown grass fills the area. As Ise looks around he notices a trail of drops that goes into the building.

int. abandoned building - day

Ise hears an animal coughing and tries to find it. All of a sudden, A splash of blue liquid sprays onto Ise's face, the creature is now completely visible to Ise.

Ise is petrified. The creature, with an angrier look by the second, gets closer and closer to Ise. A roof from the top. Drops of rain start to fall through a hole in the ceiling

All of a sudden, from the Sky drops Matsuko right on top of the beast and starts to wrestle with it; trying to capture it.

Matsuko notices that Ise is doging a lot of the beast's attacks. and in the process of trying to protect him, the creature gets away.

Matsuko pulls out a scanner device and scans Ise. The device says:"human"

Matsuko

Okay, I'll just go ahead and ask. Who the hell are you and how the hell can you see me?

ISE

Uh, I don't know how to answer to that.

matsuko

I have a live camouflage filter on, there is no way you could have seen me

or the thasnar moving around.

ISE

You mean that three ton crocodile?! What the hell was that thing?!

Matsuko

A Tashnar, they're this big alien animals, Morai farms them, we make our camou....

ISE

Morai?

Matsuko

Wait, you didn't get any of its blood near you right?

ISE

It literally Splashed me in the face.

matsuko

Oh boy...well, I guess we're gonna have to meet again.

Matsuko takes a bottle full of pills out of her pocket. Gives one to Ise.

Matsuko

Here, take this. It's got a bit of an aftertaste when you eat it but right now for your safety It's the best course of action.

Ise looks at the pill afraid; Swallows it.

Ise falls to the ground and for about ten seconds is in a lot of pain.

Matsuko

Sorry about the aftertaste...

ISE

That was the after taste? Why the hell did I eat it.

Matsuko gets ready to jump and leave.

ISE

Wait, where are you going?!

Matsuko

To get the Tashnar. Don't worry I'll be back as soon as I get it. We don't have time to waste.

ISE

Why?

Matsuko smiles.

matsuko

Because if I don get The Tashnar in the next 48 hours At the very least you'll be brain dead not to say for sure you're gonna die. Toodles!

Matsuko leaves.

END OF CHAPTER 1


Chapter 2

Spoiler

















Chapter 2 (Text Spread)

Spoiler

Chapter 2

Ext. Abandoned builDing - afternoon

Ise is perplexed.We flashback back to Matsuko smiling.

Matsuko

For sure you're gonna die.

Ise looks at the sky.

ISE

Find the tashnar huh?

EXT. ABANDONED WAREHOUSE - night

Ise stands in front of the street Matsuko and the Tashnar went through.

ISE

This is the first place the tashnar's blood got to me.

INT. ABANDONED WAREHOUSE - night

Ise walks around the building. As he walks a small lizard follows him from behind. it grows to a full size tashnar.

Ise and the tashnar lock eyes.

ISE

Hey there little buddy.

The tashnar tries to smell Ise, it's like a big cat.

While he bonds with the tasnar, it lets Ise get on top of it.

MATSUKO (V.O)

What the hell are you doing here?!

The tashnar flinches and bolts towards matsuko and puts a whole on the wall...The chase is on.

MATSUKO

Man what is it with this kid.

ext. city outskirts - night

Matsuko Chases Ise and the tashnar through the forest, the bounce on trees and some small houses, maybe a small neighborhood in the woods.

It looks as if the Tashnar is gonna go through a house but a blue energy goes through the tashanr's body; surrounding Ise as well.

All of a sudden the Tashnar turnsa size smaller than the keyhole on the door. The tashnar goes through the entire house avoiding cups and people moving, they exit and the tashnar goes back to its normal sizes as he heads to the city.

Ext. City central - night

Little kid (6) stand in front of a store next to their bikes.

MOM

Okay I will be right back, just keep an eye on the bikes and we'll go straight home and start cooking okay?

kid

Okay!

Little kid looks at his phone.

kid (V.O)

I hate going for groceries. It's

just too boring, nothing ever interesting happens.

While the kid looks at his phone the tashnar flashes in front of him.

kid

Whoa!

All the kid sees is a flying Ise flopping around moving fast.

Slowly, the Tashnar starts to become visible to people. Some freak out, some take out their phones.

Ise

People can see you?

Ise notices the tasnar is bliedding from the neck.

Ise

You're hurt. I'm so sorry.

Matsuko catches up to them and tries to get Ise off of the Tashnar. She breaks her communications device in the process, as the Tashnar heads to a tall building in the center of the city.

People have their eyes glued to Ise and the Tashnar as it goes up the building.

Person 1

Wow! Just like King Kong!

Person 2

How is anybody gonna save him?!

Person 3

Look!

A small dot can be seen running up the building, it's Matsuko.

Matsuko jumps over the Tashnar. Ise looks over as the light from the moon silhouettes Matsuko.

ext. building's roof - night

Matsuko and the Tashnar stand at oposite corners of the building with Ise pushed to a corner on the side.

Matsuke

Alright buddy you caused me enough trouble. Morai is gonna have a real fun time erasing this planet's memory so they can forget you.

Matsuke pulls out a small cane with needles on both ends; the tashnar growls. Matsuko starts to run towards the Tashnar with no mercy in her eyes.

Ise

It's hurt!

Matsuko stops.

Ise

It's bleeding from the neck.

Matsuko Flashbacks to the moment they went through the window.

matsuko

I'm so sorry.

She tries to get closer to the tashnar but it's too scared and keeps growling.

matsuko

What's your name?

Ise is surprised.

ise

Isetika Kuharu...uh...but people call me Ise.

matsuko

Think you can get close to it?

Matsuko hands the cane to Ise.

matsuko

It's a sedative, I tried a single dose last time but it wasn't enough so we ended up going through a window...I think that's how it got hurt. This should be enough to put it to sleep to take him back to Morai.

Ise gets close to the tashnar and applies the sedative.

Ise

There there.

The Tashnar falls asleep. Matsuko puts a circular pad on it that absorbs the tashnar into a tiny cube. Like a pokeball.

matsuko

sigh

Well that wasn't easy.

ise

(yelling)

BIG UNDERSTATEMENT!

Matsuko laughs.

matsuko

Well, at least you have that time dampener in you. Now we can make a real antidote.

ise

Time dampener?

matsuko

It stops your body from decaying after a fatal injury. It is meant for us to use to make sure we finish the task at hand even if we already got fatally wounded. It wont stop you from dying, but it will delay it.

Ise

Wait, how long wold I have lived if I didn't take it.

matsuko

Hmmm, about 20 minutes.

ISE

WHAT?!

matsuko

But don't worry! All we gotta do is tell the agency to pick us up and...

Matsuko goes for her comm, but notices it's broken.

matsuko

Uh oh.

Ise

What?

matsuko

My comm is broken, I'm MIA (missing in action) for all they know.

Ise

What are we gonna do about the poison?

matsuko

Well, I'mm gonna need another comm to get us to HQ and make the antidote. But the closest station to us is too far away for you to make it in time. And I didn't bring my ship cause I din't think it was needed for such a simple mission. And that's not even the thing I'm worried about the most.

Ise

It's not?

int. office - night

The tashnar is seen on youtube while a shadowie figure sips a scotch. We can see it smile, it is not human.

MATSUKO (V.O)

There is no way a giant lizard going up a building isn't spreading through the internet right now. Morai has a tight grip on Tashnar distribution, so whenever you can get your hands on one to sell to the black market, you do so. I'm sure we caught some eyes.

ext. building's roof - night

matsuko

So we gotta protect this tashnar at all cost until...

Ise drops to the ground in pain. Matsuko is shocked.

matsuko

This shoudn't happen right now.

Ise looks at Matsuko as he faints, she tries to aid.

matsuko

I think I miscalculated, your normal human body can't take the dampener for that long....Don't worry, I'll figure it out. YOU'RE GONNA BE FINE!

End of Chapter 2

« Last Edit: March 30, 2019, 06:27:33 PM by jubacard »

Offline Coryn

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Re: Journey of the Dimensions (working title)
« Reply #1 on: March 30, 2019, 09:40:38 AM »
Hey there Jubacard! Sorry but I had to remove your links. We don't allow links until you've made 25 posts, but even then we ask that if you're posting a story that you just post the text directly into the reply box here!

Same goes for images. Please embed those directly using the image tags (little mona Lisa icon above the smiles)

Thanks!

Will review stories upon request. My latest arc: http://goo.gl/KYgsfF

Offline jubacard

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Re: Journey of the Dimensions (working title)
« Reply #2 on: March 30, 2019, 03:41:03 PM »
Thank you!, fixed!