February 21, 2019, 07:09:32 AM


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Author Topic: "Red Room/ The Victims" Story idea  (Read 58 times)

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Offline Rustee

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"Red Room/ The Victims" Story idea
« on: February 10, 2019, 04:08:19 PM »
I have this story idea.  I would be interested to see what people think about it.  I feel like its a little dark.  I think it could be an interesting comic.  Looking for your thoughts, or see if there is something similar out there.  This is a rough outline of my story idea!  So I'm gonna take a leap and see what happens.  I am very nervous about this, but I got to get over that.  Sorry, its this is unpolished.  I am going to clean this up as time goes on, but I figured I'd start here.

Story is about a girl.  She wakes up dazed and confused in a small room and she is tied up to a chair.  She looks around, it has a red light bulb, so the room is lite in red, there is also a table in front of her with many items including a saw, needles, knifes, pliers, a blow torch.  As well as a laptop and camera setup.  She notices the camera is recording and also what appears to be a chatroom of the type on the computer screen.  Then a man walks in, wearing a mask.  He goes to the computer and starts talking about his "guest" and who is the highest bidder.  She is still confused, starts crying, pleading to be let go.  The man turns around and tell her "Congratulations, the highest bidder wants a good show tonight" and he starts to pull off her nails with the pliers.  The modern version of the snuff movie, a Red Room is a live stream of the torture and murder of a person for the entertainment of others.  After awhile of torture, the man takes a break before the big finale.  As she is crying, knowing what fate is to come, she starts singing.  Its her coping mechanism, which is odd, but she needs to find peace before her demise.  As the man walks back in, he hears her sing.  He is impressed, but moves to the chatroom to see who the highest bidder is and what tools or technique to use to execute her.  Well... everyone in the chatroom loved her voice.  Odd, this has never happened before, they really don't want to waste that talent!  The man see's the highest bidder and is intrigued by his request.  Looks like its her lucky day.  The highest bidder and the man have come to an agreement to keep her around.  They have come to an agreement to try something new in the dark web world.  She is their slave, she will perform at meetings, conferences, where these men and woman meet up to discuss kidnappings, weapons, human trafficking, the secret underground world that provides to the dark web.  Guess you can say, to provide entertainment to  these business men.  They keep her in the red room, live streaming, forced to perform there as well, threatened if she escapes, seeks help, or does not do as told, she will meet her fate.  As time goes on, the bidder and the man "recruit" (kidnap) others to join her to form a band.  Going to bars, small venue concerts, finding a drummer, and guitarist.  Forming the band The Victims.  What will happen?  Will they be forced to do this for their rest of their life, fight back knowing they will be hunted, tortured and killed, or give in to become one of them.....
It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop. – Confucius

Offline Coryn

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Re: "Red Room/ The Victims" Story idea
« Reply #1 on: February 10, 2019, 09:42:33 PM »
I mean, as a general rule you shouldn't worry about whether something has been 'done before'. Now obviously, don't go ripping of Naruto, but if you're looking for things your story is similar to, you'll never see the end of it. Just hop in and make it your own thing, and no one will notice.

Now, as for the story itself, it's... Contrasting with itself? It's really hard to say without seeing actual writing from the story, but going from dark web snuff livestreams to "they're in a band!" Seems like one hell of a jump. Once you're at the band part, where even is the focus going to be? It doesn't seem right to concentrate on the music itself, because that would almost make it a farce.

Plus, what do these mysterious dark web people even need a music slave for anyway? Couldn't they just hire a normal band and not risk exposing their operation by having the slave band going out in public? Wouldn't it be better to have them in a more controlled environment?

The way I see it, you've got two stories that you're trying to make into one. There's the dark web snuff industry story, and then there's the story of a singer trying to get out from under the thumb of a criminal organization. It's not that the two can't be mixed, but that will require actual writing to judge. So you can definitely pursue that if it's what you want, but I think you can keep the singer/band component, lose the dark web snuff film thing, and half a cleaner and stronger set up for a story because of it.

After all, what defines great writing is often less what is there, and more what isn't there.

I hope that gives you some food for thought!

Will review stories upon request. My latest arc: http://goo.gl/KYgsfF

Offline Equil

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Re: "Red Room/ The Victims" Story idea
« Reply #2 on: February 10, 2019, 09:57:29 PM »
your idea seems pretty interesting to me, I am definitely interested in seeing what ends up happening if all these people end up being forced to sing for the rest of their lives and if they get away how will the events that happened affect these characters.