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Author Topic: "Red Room/ The Victims" Story idea UPDATED STORY  (Read 341 times)

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Offline Rustee

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"Red Room/ The Victims" Story idea UPDATED STORY
« on: February 10, 2019, 04:08:19 PM »
I have this story idea.  I think it would be nice to get some feedback.  Its a little dark but it could be an interesting comic.  Looking for your thoughts.  This is a rough outline of my story idea!  So I'm gonna take a leap and see what happens.  I am very nervous about this, but I got to get over that.  Sorry, its this is unpolished.  I am going to clean this up as time goes on, but I figured I'd start here.  My goal is to make this into a manga/ comic one day.  I am currently writing out the rest of the story and eventually write it into a script/ storyboard type format.

(((((UPDATE STORY)))))

This is a story is about a girl, a blonde hair, green eye beauty who is about to graduate high school.  Out on the weekend with her friends, they attend a concert.  What seems to be a care free fun night and letting the music take her away; she gets separated from her friends.  Knowing them, they most likely met some boys.  Before she starts to look for them again she uses the little girl’s room.  As she looks in the mirror touching up her makeup, in the corner of her eyes one of the bathroom stall doors opens slowly.  Before she can turn around to see what's going on, a figure leaps out and bashes her in the head.

 
She wakes up dazed and confused in a small room tied up to a chair, unable to move her hands and feet, just her head.  How did she get here?  How long has she been out for?  Her head hurts and her body aches.  She looks around the room.  Above her is a red light bulb and the entire room is lit in red.  There is also a table in front of her with many items including a saw, needles, knifes, pliers, and a blow torch.  Next to those items is a laptop and camera setup. She notices the camera is recording and also what appears to be a chatroom of some type on the computer screen.  But she can't see what is being said on the screen.
 
A heavy set man walks in, wearing a partial black mask where you can only see his deep socket black eyes and greasy spiked up hair.  Now known as Spike, he goes to the computer and starts talking about his "guest" and who is the current highest bidder is.  She is still confused, starts crying, pleading to be let go.  The man turns around and tells her "Congratulations, the highest bidder wants a good show tonight."
 
Spike makes his way the table of weapons, slowly tracing his finger over each item, the needles, the knife, saw, until he stops at the pliers.  As Spike grabs them, he makes his way to the girl.  She starts screaming, yelling for help!  Spike moves behind her and starts laughing, covers her mouth, looks at the camera and whispers into her ear "You’re not going to like this, but we are... let the show begin" and proceeds to yank out her nails with the pliers. 
 
The modern version of the snuff movie, a Red Room is a live stream of the torture and murder of a person for the entertainment of others.
 
After a few more bids inflicting torture (pouring chemicals into her freshly ripped off nails, branding her in the arm) Spike takes a break. He goes into the wash room that is attached to the red room and cleans off some blood around his face, takes a drag of a cigarette before the final bid is made for the big finale, her death.  As she is crying, and in pain, knowing what fate is to come, she starts singing.  It’s her coping mechanism, which is odd, but she needs to find peace before her demise.  As Spike walks back in, he hears her sings and is impressed. “Too bad to see such talent be wasted, but the show will go on.”
 
As Spike moves towards the chatroom with excitement to see who the highest bidder is and what tools and technique to use to execute her, he sees an overwhelming amount of bids!  Reading many messages, one bidder wants her tongue pulled out, another bid for her to sing while being stabbed, but there is an overwhelming amount of bids to force her to sing otherwise pain is to be inflicted. Finally, Spike finds the highest bidder; the amount he is paying is the most he has ever seen!  Accepting the amount and reading his request, Spike becomes very intrigued.  An offer and partnership has been proposed.  Spike is puzzled, this never happens, it seems the Bidder is infatuated with her.  Is this a trick?  The money offered is unrealistic, but the payment went through!  Spike has a decision to make that could back fire, or yet, be a set up. Even if it could have been a set up or the authorities, they wouldn't have enough money to do what had just happened.  No, the Bidder is a powerful man, with a plan.
 
“Looks like it’s your lucky day Songbird.”  The Bidder and Spike have come to an agreement to keep her around and try out a new business venture in the dark web world.  Spike comes up to the camera, and tells his audience "to be continued" and cuts off the live stream.  Spike grabs one of the needles from the table and stabs her into the neck.  As she screamed her world goes black.  Over the next 24 hours Spike and the Bidder goes over details, income, and what the Bidder wants to accomplish.  Songbird is their slave.  Bidder is a rich and sick powerful man that runs many gangs around the world for human trafficking.  He sets up monthly meetings at different locations ranging from restaurants to casinos conference halls, with security monitoring the build and doors.  Spike is the keeper, something different and new for him.  He’s been doing the red room thing for a while now, and is craving higher status in the dark web world and to make more money to achieve some personal goals.
 
The Bidder gets restless of the same ol' boring meetings.  Songbird will be preforming at conferences where these men and woman meet up to discuss kidnappings, weapons, human trafficking, and the secret underground world that provides to the dark web.  The Bidder wants to provide entertainment to not only himself, but to his guests and provide a welcoming environment for future clients.  He has provided a new environment with his clients during meetings and now parties, such as illegal gambling. The underground world is enjoying it, the Bidder is playing his cards right, coming closer to being the boss of an organization he has long and desired for.  What is the Bidder’s desire, what does he have up his sleeve?
 
 
While Spike has Songbird in the red room till she is needed for entertainment purposes, he lives streams, forcing her to perform for certain dollar amount.   Songbird is threaten that if she escapes, seeks/ asks for help, or does not comply; she will be tortured or meet her ultimate fate.  As time goes on, the Bidder and Spike "recruit" others to form a band.  The Bidder hires people to go out to bars, small venue concerts to find a drummer and guitarist, now known as Stix and Strings.  A behind the scenes look of how kidnapping works and how the victim’s identity has been torn away from them and sold into modern day slavery.  They are locked away next to Songbird and forced to practice.  Some “customers” in the live streams like to set them up to fail, sometimes having them hooked up for electrical shock if they miss a beat or off key.
 
Stix is a young talented drummer and has just graduated from high school.  He decided to take a year off and travel with his band to play at any venues.  Hoping they would be offered a music deal one day.  One night after playing at a small concert hall, him and the band head next door to the local bar and set up their booth to sell merchandise.  A gentleman approaches him, with false information, about being a manager at a record label and how they need a drummer to lay down some beats for an upcoming solo artist.  Stix agrees to meet up the next day, ecstatic to go over a contract, compensation, and free hours in a recording booth.  The gentleman offers a courtesy service to pick him up to which he gratefully obliges to, only to be drugged with chloroform during the ride and wakes up in his own red room.
 
Strings attends a fine arts college to peruse a degree in painting. He also has a part time job at night playing guitar in the back ground at restaurants and wineries.  Little does he know that he is being stalked.  After a late night playing at a restaurant, he is abducted.  A black SUV with 3 men pulled up behind and yanks him in.  He fights back swinging his guitar case at the abductors and manages to break the back window.  He takes his chance and starts crawling out the back window, receiving deep cuts from the broken glass. Before he is able to break free and jump out of the moving vehicle, 2 of the men grab him, pull him back in and bash him over the head, knocking him out.  When he wakes up, the room is lit in red.
 
 
A rich man, who owns many luxurious hotels, is secretly a leader of a gang involved with human trafficking, a “friendly” competitor of the Bidder.  Lux holds meetings at his own conference halls at many of his hotels, where innocent people stay and have no clue this type of stuff goes on right under their noses, hiding in plain sight from everyone. he is holding these private meetings, going over requests from cults, brothels, red rooms, who are looking for certain types of men, woman, age, color, race, and so on.  Coming up with estimates and forming hunting parties to travel out into the world to find these people that have been requested.  But at the same time this hotel owner gives the appearance of being a charming, hardworking, smart businessman.  Impressed with how the Bidder runs his business, even having hos people sent out to find his drummer and guitarist, Lux seeks to hire the Bidder's band, now known as The Reds to perform at one of his clients Brothels on occasion. He takes his party of rich friends and other clients to show them a good time and to spend plenty of money at these brothels.  He notices at these brothel parties that a few people have their eye on Songbird.  Lux asks Spike about selling her out after preforming.  Spike declines proposals for her, knowing she could get killed, and he is not ready to lose his investment, at least that soon.  Lux may need to steal this idea from the Bidder and Spike, or yet, why not steal her?
 
What will happen to Songbird and the others?  Will they be forced to do this for their rest of their life?  Are they going to fight back?  Will they escape or be hunted, tortured, and killed?  Or give in to become one of them.....


(((THE ORIGINAL POST/ OUTLINE OF STORY)))

Story is about a girl.  She wakes up dazed and confused in a small room and she is tied up to a chair.  She looks around, it has a red light bulb, so the room is lite in red, there is also a table in front of her with many items including a saw, needles, knifes, pliers, a blow torch.  As well as a laptop and camera setup.  She notices the camera is recording and also what appears to be a chatroom of the type on the computer screen.  Then a man walks in, wearing a mask.  He goes to the computer and starts talking about his "guest" and who is the highest bidder.  She is still confused, starts crying, pleading to be let go.  The man turns around and tell her "Congratulations, the highest bidder wants a good show tonight" and he starts to pull off her nails with the pliers.  The modern version of the snuff movie, a Red Room is a live stream of the torture and murder of a person for the entertainment of others.  After awhile of torture, the man takes a break before the big finale.  As she is crying, knowing what fate is to come, she starts singing.  Its her coping mechanism, which is odd, but she needs to find peace before her demise.  As the man walks back in, he hears her sing.  He is impressed, but moves to the chatroom to see who the highest bidder is and what tools or technique to use to execute her.  Well... everyone in the chatroom loved her voice.  Odd, this has never happened before, they really don't want to waste that talent!  The man see's the highest bidder and is intrigued by his request.  Looks like its her lucky day.  The highest bidder and the man have come to an agreement to keep her around.  They have come to an agreement to try something new in the dark web world.  She is their slave, she will perform at meetings, conferences, where these men and woman meet up to discuss kidnappings, weapons, human trafficking, the secret underground world that provides to the dark web.  Guess you can say, to provide entertainment to  these business men.  They keep her in the red room, live streaming, forced to perform there as well, threatened if she escapes, seeks help, or does not do as told, she will meet her fate.  As time goes on, the bidder and the man "recruit" (kidnap) others to join her to form a band.  Going to bars, small venue concerts, finding a drummer, and guitarist.  Forming the band The Victims.  What will happen?  Will they be forced to do this for their rest of their life, fight back knowing they will be hunted, tortured and killed, or give in to become one of them.....
« Last Edit: March 15, 2019, 12:37:48 PM by Rustee »
It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop. – Confucius

Offline Coryn

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Re: "Red Room/ The Victims" Story idea
« Reply #1 on: February 10, 2019, 09:42:33 PM »
I mean, as a general rule you shouldn't worry about whether something has been 'done before'. Now obviously, don't go ripping of Naruto, but if you're looking for things your story is similar to, you'll never see the end of it. Just hop in and make it your own thing, and no one will notice.

Now, as for the story itself, it's... Contrasting with itself? It's really hard to say without seeing actual writing from the story, but going from dark web snuff livestreams to "they're in a band!" Seems like one hell of a jump. Once you're at the band part, where even is the focus going to be? It doesn't seem right to concentrate on the music itself, because that would almost make it a farce.

Plus, what do these mysterious dark web people even need a music slave for anyway? Couldn't they just hire a normal band and not risk exposing their operation by having the slave band going out in public? Wouldn't it be better to have them in a more controlled environment?

The way I see it, you've got two stories that you're trying to make into one. There's the dark web snuff industry story, and then there's the story of a singer trying to get out from under the thumb of a criminal organization. It's not that the two can't be mixed, but that will require actual writing to judge. So you can definitely pursue that if it's what you want, but I think you can keep the singer/band component, lose the dark web snuff film thing, and half a cleaner and stronger set up for a story because of it.

After all, what defines great writing is often less what is there, and more what isn't there.

I hope that gives you some food for thought!

Will review stories upon request. My latest arc: http://goo.gl/KYgsfF

Offline Equil

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Re: "Red Room/ The Victims" Story idea
« Reply #2 on: February 10, 2019, 09:57:29 PM »
your idea seems pretty interesting to me, I am definitely interested in seeing what ends up happening if all these people end up being forced to sing for the rest of their lives and if they get away how will the events that happened affect these characters.


Offline Rustee

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Re: "Red Room/ The Victims" Story idea
« Reply #3 on: March 05, 2019, 01:40:41 PM »
Yeah this story idea is pretty different and random, I am not familiar with a lot of manga and anime's, so I'm hoping I didn't subconsciously get this story idea from something I read or saw.  I like being unique and different, I want to push myself into creating stories that seem ridiculous but has a great outcome.

I know its odd to mix a dark web world type story and putting a band together, but the more I ran with the idea and how these other band members get kidnap can add to this story of how the dark web works, who works for who, money laundering, pretty much how it gets from point A to point B.  Also, giving hope, plot twist, and false hope.  And how and if these members survive.  Also, I want to contribute into the story of how some business men (and woman!) hide evil so well. 

Example:  A rich man who owns many luxurious hotels, is the leader of a gang involved with human trafficking in certain parts of the world.  He holds meetings at his own conference halls at his many hotels, where innocent people stay and have no clue this type of stuff goes on right under their noses.  Hiding in plain sight from everyone....  He  is holding these private meetings, going over requests from cults, brothels, red rooms, (the bidder and masked man odd request!) who are looking for certain types of men, woman, age, color, race, and so on.  Coming up with estimates and forming a hunting parties to travel out into the world to find these people that have been requested.  But at the same time this hotel owner gives the appearance of being a classy/ charming, hard working, very smart businessmen!  An important part of the story that is scary because this does happen in real world sadly.

I know this story is not for everybody, I actually would like it to be a manga/ comic series.  I just hope it takes people on a journey they never explored before, especially for people who are into suspense and thrillers.

All thoughts and constructive criticism is welcomed  :)
It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop. – Confucius

Offline Rustee

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Re: "Red Room/ The Victims" Story idea UPDATED STORY
« Reply #4 on: April 11, 2019, 11:26:40 AM »
Found an artist to help me bring this story to life and trying to decide if I want to post it.  The opening/ pilot comic should be ready in about a week.  So many emotions!
« Last Edit: April 11, 2019, 11:28:20 AM by Rustee »
It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop. – Confucius

Offline suuper-san

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Re: "Red Room/ The Victims" Story idea UPDATED STORY
« Reply #5 on: April 11, 2019, 11:54:07 AM »
awesome. we would love to see how it comes out naturally :)
....although I think what you've got in mind is a bit beyond the PG-13 level that we have on the forum XD
« Last Edit: April 11, 2019, 06:37:56 PM by suuper-san »
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Offline Baruden

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Re: "Red Room/ The Victims" Story idea UPDATED STORY
« Reply #6 on: April 11, 2019, 10:39:34 PM »
this story gave me a chill to my spine. Just to let you know am living alone abroad in a 2-floor condo with wooden floor....i already try to ignore everything when i try to sleep now this floating in my mind. thank you!  >:(

What i can suggest to you is that you can separate these 2 stories in different chapters. for example start writing about the singer in Ch. 1 then the dark web in Ch. 2. the more you write in each story the more you can plan how they will collide to make one story.

Just think of it like in the last Avenger movie where Ironman team were with Thanos in his planet. Black panther had cap and the others in Wakanda and Thor with his team were retrieving his hammer. then the result of that war in Wakanda effected all of them.   :clapping:

Offline Rustee

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Re: "Red Room/ The Victims" Story idea UPDATED STORY
« Reply #7 on: April 12, 2019, 11:35:45 AM »
I am going to do my best to keep it PG13/ Mature.  Give the audience a clear idea what is going to happen and then cut to the aftermath (but having the option to come back later and add gore if we wanted too).  I wish I can explain it better.  I also want the setting of the story to be mainly about the victims being trapped in the dark web world and trying to survive it, while showing what that world is like and what goes on in it.  But I like the suggestion of telling 2 separate stories and having them collide.  I'll look into that :)

And Sorry Baruden!
this story gave me a chill to my spine. Just to let you know am living alone abroad in a 2-floor condo with wooden floor....i already try to ignore everything when i try to sleep now this floating in my mind. thank you!  >:(

Also, confession...... I haven't seen the Avenger movies.................... please don't hate on me too hard
It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop. – Confucius