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Author Topic: Toxic's Untitled WIP  (Read 151 times)

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Offline ToxicWaste97

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Toxic's Untitled WIP
« on: December 07, 2018, 01:07:45 AM »
I've been brainstorming an idea for a while that I'd like to make into a full story, but I can't seem to get it into words. I thought that posting some of my ideas out where others can see them and make comments could help me figure out what works and what could be done better.

Story

 After Steph is cheated out of the payment for her bounty hunting for the last time, she decides to prove her strength by capturing the world's most wanted criminal: "Deadman" Logan. In order to fulfill such a task, however, Steph must get the help of Diane, a kindly hero from another land, and Justin, a reluctant thief with a heart of gold. Can they find "Deadman" Logan and bring him to justice, or will this job end like all ones before?

Setting

The Fractured Continent, a group of thirteen islands floating over an endless void, is where the story takes place. These islands drift about amungst each other, occasionally bumping into each other and creating a way to cross from one island to another by foot. The only other method to cross between islands is to sail across the Shallow Sea, a floating ocean that rests between the islands and drifts as they do, changing its shape and position as the islands move over the Void.

Each of the thirteen islands has its own people and culture, but they do share one thing in common. They are each ruled over by a King who has been gifted incredible power by the Divine Guardians of each island. The most senior of the thirteen Kings is appointed High King, a position that grants that King authority over all the islands as well as their own. This is a position to be held with a sense of honor and dignity. It is customary for a King to step down from their throne after a 25 year reign.

Characters

Steph
- Bio - As a child, Steph was always the strongest kid around. Naturally, she assumed this would bring her a bright future in being a soldier for the Royal Army of the High King. However, due to her father's crimes, she is unable to achieve this dream. Instead, she works as a bounty hunter in the Land of Silver in order to live where people don't know her for her father's actions. She works hard, but is unable to make any decent amount of money due to loopholes used by the Silver King to avoid having to pay her what she is owed. As she becomes more and more frustrated, she decides to abandon her current job of chasing little fish to go after the biggest catch in the land: "Deadman" Logan, the most wanted man in the world.
- Age - 16
- Gender - Female
- Appearance - Steph is of average height and build for a girl her age. She typically wears loose-fitting shirts and tank-tops along with her pair of “lucky pants”, which seem to be her only pair. When on a job, she wears boots and gloves, but normally wears a pair of slippers when being casual. She maintains a casual posture and poor personal hygiene. Steph has green eyes and a head of red hair that reaches halfway down her back.
- Personality - Steph is relatively relaxed person, though she does have a mean temper. She also is very forgiving, as she often forgets what even made her so upset in the first place. She enjoys the thrill of a good fight and often will go out of her way to make a fight more interesting for herself. She enjoys a challenge and despises when people go easy on her, even if she cannot succeed without such actions. Steph loves travelling the world, but finds it hard to do so with her empty coin purse.
- Likes - travelling, meeting new people
- Dislikes - receiving charity, waiting on something she cannot control
- Flaws - easily provoked to anger, bad memory
- Fears - always depending on someone else to survive, being judged for the actions of others

Diane
- Bio - Diane was always special. As a child, she drew the Sword of Embers from the Eternal Forge and claimed the title of Legendary Hero. Ever since, she has been treated differently than others, almost like royalty. While this was flattering at first, Diane soon came to realize that she had done nothing to earn her prestige. Thus, she has traveled out into the world, doing acts of good where there is no one who knows her face. Diane has made it her goal to help all those who ask for it, as that is the true mark of a hero.
- Age - 17
- Appearance - Diane is not what a "Legendary Hero" would be expected to look like. She is tall but thin, and she wears practical armor over comfortable clothes. Diane never leaves her home without her sword on her belt and makes sure to show it off when she gets the chance. She has blonde hair kept in a bun and black eyes.
- Personality - Diane presents herself with an air of pride but never looks down on other people. She has a strict sense of what’s right and wrong and disapproves of anyone who breaks her unspoken moral code. Diane is perpetually under the pressure of being the “perfect hero” that other people believe that she is.
- Likes - set guidelines, helping others
- Dislikes - needless praise, large gatherings of strangers
- Flaws - has no social skills
- Fears - being unable to reach her own standards

Justin
- Bio - Justin belongs to a large family. He is the youngest of ten children, and he is very clearly the favorite of both his father and mother. Though he has no problems with this preferential treatment, he is very much aware of the contempt it breeds in his older siblings. Deciding to solve the problem himself, Justin ran away from home, thinking that without him around, his parents would begin to treat his siblings with more affection. However, he sadly lacked the forethought to bring along any money on his journey, forcing him to live on the streets, stealing garbage and pocket change to survive. Though he never steals anything that would be missed, Justin still feels a great guilt for his actions and desires nothing more than to live a more legitimate lifestyle.
- Age - 15
- Gender - Male
- Appearance - Justin appears to be a bit shorter and thinner than he should be. He owns one set of clothes: an oversized grey t-shirt that belonged to his father, a long-sleeved green shirt that he wears under the larger shirt, and a pair of worn pants. He doesn’t care too much about his appearance, and thus his brown hair is always messy. Justin’s blue eyes are unique in his family.
- Personality - Justin is a bit over-judging of himself, though this may be due to his upbringing with nine older siblings. He finds himself second-guessing himself all the time, and often makes mistakes because of this. As a result, he has trained himself to act impulsively in order to avoid the mistakes from hesitation. Justin is unable to stand idly as he sees morally wrong actions take place, but he has a poor grasp on what actually is and is not moral outside of his home. He tends to treat most interactions with others in one of two ways: like he is talking to a sibling or with a parent. Justin does not seem to have a filter when it comes to what he says. If he thinks it, he will probably say it.
- Likes - being correct, eating good food
- Dislikes - perceived injustice, inaction
- Flaws - honest to a fault, impulsive
- Fears - causing the suffering of others, not living up to his parents' expectations

Offline CookiePanda

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Re: Toxic's Untitled WIP
« Reply #1 on: December 07, 2018, 01:36:01 AM »
Wow! I am super impressed by this world! I also have difficulties starting and finishing a story.

I think if you're not sure how the story is going to flow that you should write down what the end goal of the story is going to be. Is Steph going to catch "Deadman" Logan? Is she going to fall in love with him and give up on her dream of fame? Is she going to make unlikely friends on her journey and become an important member of the royal army after the High King personally meets her?

Even without knowing where you're going to end I think the first chapter should be easy enough. I believe the most obvious choice for starting is her in the middle of the job that she becomes cheated out of. We should get a good idea of her skills and confidence. A sudden change in scene to her handing in the criminal. We should see her getting cheated out of the money and then maybe a change in scene to her living in poor conditions. The meager amount of money that she has saved up. I don't know if she has any vices or friends in the city but maybe we could see her complaining over a drink to a close friend and then during her drunken fit see her looking at the wanted board. A picture of "Deadman" Logan hanging at the top "Most Wanted!" and she can declare "That! That is how I'm going to prove myself!" her friend confused "What? What that? What are you going to do?" She is going to dramatically strut up to the board, stick a knife in the picture of "Deadman" Logan and go "I'm going to catch 'Deadman' Logan!" end chapter.

Offline ToxicWaste97

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Re: Toxic's Untitled WIP
« Reply #2 on: December 07, 2018, 08:12:04 PM »
Thanks for the input. I suppose you're right about showing off the end goal of the story. It's mostly an adventure story about Steph and her journey across the world, meeting new people and fighting baddies as she tracks down and eventually faces off against Logan. There will be a bit more to the story than "girl wants to catch criminal" but that requires a bit of setup.

I've actually already started on the first few chapters, and you're not too far off from what I already have regarding the beginning.

Offline CookiePanda

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Re: Toxic's Untitled WIP
« Reply #3 on: December 07, 2018, 09:29:31 PM »
If you need anyone to read the chapters and give you some input I would love to do so! It's a really interesting concept.