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Author Topic: Jumbled Idea Journal and Random Scribbles  (Read 550 times)

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Offline CookiePanda

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Jumbled Idea Journal and Random Scribbles
« on: December 03, 2018, 01:00:56 AM »
The reason for this Journal is written in my welcome post

http://forums.mangaraiders.com/index.php/topic,19367.msg298234/topicseen.html#msg298234

So this is not going to be very organized early on. I'll post things into sections when I can. So... "Characters", "Plot", "Random Writings/Snippets" ect.

I would love to know any thoughts you have on things I post here. I would like to know which ideas people enjoy the most. Suggestions for names would be nice since I'll often list things like "MC" (Main Character), Warrior, ect until I find names for concepts. I prefer names that are not Japanese unless the character seems like they could be of that ethnicity. Most of my stories will not be based in Japan. I honestly don't know enough about Japan, their customs, their mannerisms to depict them properly and I feel like watching Anime and reading Manga is enough to really have a thorough understanding.

I will be trying to post things separately which may result in multiple posts in a row. It's not meant for spam, just organization. In general, unless someone posts here and I decide to reply to them my posts will be kept fairly low and potentially large. I tend to ramble as I write.

SO, on to the first "real" post.

Offline CookiePanda

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Re: Jumbled Idea Journal and Random Scribbles
« Reply #1 on: December 03, 2018, 01:45:45 AM »
Stories

Aeos (Story One): A young man seeks to become a hero and heads to the Capital City. Once there he becomes entangled in a quest to save the Kingdom from the unusual rise in Monsters in the area. Tracking down the source he befriends a tomboyish Princess who wishes to be King, an innocent Innkeeper, as well as a Nymph cursed to be blind. Our villains... A brother sister duo seeking revenge for the unjust downfall and genocide of their country. That's all I've got so far lol

Story Two: Daughter of a poor family blacksmith accidentally saves the life of a noble who is being hazed by the Prince and his group. Due to public approval of her actions (being seen as a hero among peasants) she is forced to attend the prim and proper Royal Academy. Bribed with the chance to be taught swordsmanship from the best she must deal with being Hazed by the Prince and his three friends (A mage, A blacksmith, and A ninja like assassin). She works hard to fight against the injustices of the prince, slowly befriending him and changing his views. This story is a romance where two people who start out with a fierce hatred for each other slowly come to love each other. Not sure where this story is heading but curious to try and flesh it out. Romance and Comedy are not my normal projects.

Story Three: A young girl who has never been like others. Follows her descent into becoming a serial killer that preys on men (easy targets) and eats them. Yes she is a cannibal, yes this is an ecchi (she uses sex appeal as a way to lure men by pretending she is a prostitute or just a naive girl). Based partially off of Aileen Wurnos I'm looking for a Dexter kind of vibe. I love dark and gruesome animes/manga. Big fan of Parasite, Inuyashiki, Tokyo Ghoul, ect Really don't want to mess up this story.

Characters (In Progress)

Aeos (Story 1)

Asher (Main Character Male)
Our Adventurer of this story. He grew up on a farm far away from others. His knowledge of the outside world comes from books his grandfather would bring him. He is the oldest of many siblings. Wanting to experience greater things than the simple life he sets out for the capital city with his mind set on becoming a famous and wealthy hero like those in his stories. He's a basic melee fighter. Wields a sword that is honestly more impressive than he is. Not the brightest guy, he gets lost on the way to the Capital and ends up saving a cornered Magnolia from monsters. As a reward he is allowed to stay in her Inn. He joins the city guard and proceeds to embark quite accidentally on an adventure that may be too big for him.

Characteristics: Naive, Bright Eyed, Eager, Stubborn, Bookworm, Confident (Overly), Oblivious, Optimist.

He should appear quite average. Brown hair, pretty golden-ish brown eyes. Not really too much detail in my mind for his looks. He's a farm boy turned "Squire" basically.

Magnolia (Damsel)

A young woman who has taken over her grandfathers rundown Inn. She is determined to rebuild the Inn and her family name. She is cute and ladylike. After being saved by Asher in the woods she ends up allowing her first customer at the Inn to stay for free.

Characteristics: Ambitious, Entrepreneur, Delicate, Cute

Not really any notes for looks other than she tends to wear cute clothing.

Alexandria aka Alex (Princess)

The classic "I don't want to be a lady, I want to be a king". She has a tendency to slip out to fight monsters. A tomboy, she feels that she should rule the kingdom as "king" and not her older brother. In her eyes there is no man as good as she or as worthy. She joins Asher in his quest to find and defeat the unknown enemy that has been wreaking havoc on the Kingdom, seeing it as an opportunity to prove herself.

Most likely will be the MC romantic love interest.

Characteristics: Defiant, Strong-willed, Tomboy, Confident, Arrogant, Kind, Determined.

I'm thinking she should have a braid or some other hairstyle that keeps it out of the way. As a lady she keeps her hair long. Will most likely have two appearances. Her tomboy (male) appearance, and her princess appearance.

Fletcher (Princess Guard)

He babysits the Alexandria. Unlike previous guards he allows the Princess to do as she pleases as long as he is allowed to follow (most often in the shadows).

Characteristics: Sly, Simple, Cool

He should be a fairly standard archer. I leave freedom of this character to the artist.

Guard Mentor

Assigned to mentor Asher he is a simple guy who plays by the rules. Lacking a lot of world experience he's a city boy with a good cop attitude. After meeting Asher he finds himself doing things he never expected and stays with as the voice of reason but also because the Princess blackmails him into it. He's extremely shy with women.

Characteristics: Strong, Dependable, Trustworthy, Faithful, Young, Nice Guy.

I'm thinking blonde and bashful. I'm really not too picky with character designs.

Enki (Villain Male)

The male half of the sibling duo wreaking havoc around the kingdom. He is a practitioner of the summoning arts turned dark. He is responsible for the rise of vicious monsters infesting the area around the capital. He seeks revenge for the destruction of his country and the genocide of his people. His sister and him are the lone survivors of a genocide that the previous King had ordered of their people. They were spared when the Guard Captain hid them away, unable to bring himself to kill a young boy and his baby sister. The heart of this character is so filled with rage that even if he succeeds with his revenge it is doubtful that he would be satisfied. His one love is for his sister.

Characteristics:  Dark, Brooding, Angry, Temper.

He has two appearances. One as a cloaked stranger with a monster of a beast (his summoned spirit companion) and that of a traveling wanderer staying at the small inn with his cute sister and little pet (cute version of beast). They should look more exotic from others. When in disguise the reader should still be able to guess fairly accurately at who is under the cloak. He's a mage with dark magic.

Lilith (Villain Female)

The female half of the sibling duo wreaking havoc on the kingdom. Younger than her brother she was just a baby during the genocide and has no memory of the world or people she belongs to. Because of this she is more likely to forgive and bond with others. Little exposure to people other than her brother has made her shy and cautious with strangers. Unlike her brother she does not take comfort in hurting others and can be squeamish with blood. Despite this she is devoted to him and loves him with everything she has.

Characteristics: Kind, Shy, Devout, Withdrawn, Sad, Burdened, Innocent

I'd like to reference Xayah from League of Legends for her inspiration. In the CGI she is quite shy compared to her lover. She as well has two appearances. Cloaked and traveling wanderer. She also has a spirit beast but is cuter and purer than her brothers. She uses daggers and magic.

Story 1 honestly has far too many characters. I'll add them in another time. It's late, I'll update this in the morning. In the meantime let me know which plot is the most interesting to you.
« Last Edit: December 09, 2018, 02:14:17 AM by CookiePanda »

Offline MahluaandEggnog

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Re: Jumbled Idea Journal and Random Scribbles
« Reply #2 on: December 03, 2018, 04:17:26 AM »
I prefer names that are not Japanese unless the character seems like they could be of that ethnicity. Most of my stories will not be based in Japan. I honestly don't know enough about Japan, their customs, their mannerisms to depict them properly and I feel like watching Anime and reading Manga is enough to really have a thorough understanding.

First of all, gods bless. I mean seriously. This little bit right here is a shining ray of hope for me. I'm so used to people just picking Japanese sounding names because they're so, shall we say, inspired by anime and manga. It is a true mark of maturity I find in people who understand that there are things that they do not know. Seriously, man. Internet hugs. Now, it looks like your first story is the one that has the most to work with. Before I go into that nitty-gritty, I'll offer just some general advice that I've learned the hard way in my own writing and worldbuilding. The first of which is:

Don't worry so much about the ins and outs of the structure just yet. Before you have a product, it's good to just have a skeleton of an idea. You don't need to have everything figured out right at the onset. Heck, I've tried to plan out specifics in my outlines, but I almost never keep to them. Details come in the writing process.

My main question for your first story is this: whose fault is it that the villains' people were genocided? Is it the current king? How does that play into the Princess wanting to become king? Is it possible that her brother supported the genocide and she did not? I feel like having that extra bit there might help them feel less forced into a villain-y role, and gives the audience more reasons to want to support the Princess in her ambitions.

Other than that, it seems to me that all other questions are ones that could be answered during the writing process. How long would you plan for this story to be, if you can think of an estimate for that?

Offline CookiePanda

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Re: Jumbled Idea Journal and Random Scribbles
« Reply #3 on: December 03, 2018, 11:07:20 AM »
Thanks for the comment! Honestly, I want the villains to be relateable. I want the Hero to question his own morality in supporting his country. So the king set up is interesting. The Villains people are similar to elves where they live for a long time and age slowly.

King who did the war > Current King > Prince and Princess. I'd say it has been at least 50 years if not longer since the Genocide. What happened was the King at the time (Grandfather to the Princess and now Deceased) was frightened by the people to the north of him. These people lived with Nature, had no religion, could cast amazing magic and would summon creatures that the King was afraid of. Basically the people to the North were Pagans to their more Catholic like country. The King was afraid that if the people to the North decided to attack his country that they would be massacred so he decided to attack and wipe them out first. Quite honestly the King most likely had some mental illness, some deterioration of his mind causing paranoia. He ordered the people of the north to be slaughtered with no survivors, to burn down the city and destroy all their written knowledge, and to make the land as uninhabitable as possible.

To this day the Land to the north has still not recovered back its forests. It has become something similar to a wasteland. Most of the youth of the Kingdom don't know about the genocide or the horrors that their Kingdom was responsible for. Only the King and those who participated knew the details. Common folk who weren't involved just thought the King had sent soldiers to check the boundaries of the country.

I have a lot of characters that I need to fill out. Honestly the story has more characters than necessary, some of them won't make it in but they exist in this world. I do believe that all characters that were involved with the Genocide will be making it into the story. The Guard captain was the one who saved our villains. He went against orders and hid them away. He's going to be the one who reveals the details of the genocide to Asher and may be revealed to the Enki and Lilith as well.

If the Princess knew of the genocide she would be appalled and most likely become ashamed by her family name. Obviously she gets to find out as one of the main party members. It's quite possible that her reaction would be to declare that her family doesn't deserve the throne. She might try offering it to Asher but he's not interested in becoming a King (too boring) just a hero. I want the Princess to be a strong female rolemodel. Someone who expresses feminist values in a world that tends to underestimate their women.

Honestly, I didn't mean to be so dark with this story but there is racism in this world (the people of the Capital greatly distrust anyone different from them), there is discrimination between the rich and the poor, there is a Leper who is shunned by most, women are underestimated and expected to be frail things, and I'm pretty sure the Goddess isn't actually a Goddess ... just a powerful fish monster that brainwashes its host and uses their body until it finds a prettier host...

Length of the main story... hmmm Fairly long I suppose but I wouldn't say super long. I would say maybe a typical Novel length. I do plan on writing Side stories for this world that focuses on some of the other characters. I'm finishing the main story first and then will write the side stories.

All 3 of my plots are honestly fairly filled out I'm just trying to post the details of one story at a time. I think my serial Killer story is the least filled out but it's the one that I have the clearest first chapter as well as an ending for.   
« Last Edit: December 09, 2018, 02:17:18 AM by CookiePanda »

Offline CookiePanda

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Re: Jumbled Idea Journal and Random Scribbles
« Reply #4 on: December 03, 2018, 11:48:24 AM »
Characters (Continued)
Story 1

Guard Captain

A veteran of the war. He is a strict man with a good heart. He has a soft spot for kids but comes off as rough and scary a lot of the time. He is well respected by everyone of every social class. Seeing what a naive country boy Asher is, he goes hard on his training. He doesn't think that Asher is suited for the life of a guard so he does his best to make him quit. During the genocide he saved Enki and Lilith by hiding them away. He visits the pub a lot when he is off duty and tends to stay to himself. He has never married and Asher slowly becomes like a son to him. He is friends with the Pirate who visits the area. Despite it being his job to catch the Pirate he goes easy on him.

Characteristics: Rough, Stern, Strong, Kind

As for appearance he is greying in the hair with wrinkles but is aging well. He keeps in shape and can beat almost everyone at combat. Is almost always seen in his Captains uniform.

Pirate

He served in the Genocide with the guard captain. After seeing the atrocities that his kingdom had committed he took to the seas and did not return for many years. When he did return he would sell blackmarket goods (exotic and harmless souvenirs from other lands) in an attempt to keep the public from becoming too fearful of the other countries. It's his own way of trying to keep history from repeating itself. He is also a collector and trader of rare books that are banned. Him and the Guard captain are still good friends so he is able to operate with little interference. He has a daughter (possibly adopted) that he keeps locked on the boat while they are docked in the capital. She is from a land where the people have animal ears and tails. He's worried that if she explores the Capital that someone may harm her.

Characteristics: Jolly, Goodnatured, Bit of a Drunkard, Intelligent.

He should be around the Guard Captains age. He should not look like the kind of person who would harbor a love for books.

Cat Girl

The potentially adopted daughter of the Pirate. She is well traveled and highly curious yet still seemingly innocent and Naive. Her father is overprotective of her and she does her best to care for him. When she meets Asher she ends up getting into all sorts of mischief due to her curious nature.

Not sure if she will have a big part in the story or not but she is a character scheduled for her own side adventure.

Characteristics: Innocent, Adventurous, Young, Catty, Curious

She should be dressed cutely in clothing that is more exotic than the capital. She likes bright colors. She has Cat ears and a tail. Maybe some marking on her skin similar to patterns you would find on cats.

Old King

The man responsible for the Genocide. He was a well respected leader of the country and loved by his people. As he got older his mind began to fade and his paranoia of those different than him began to rise. He died around 20 years after the genocide leaving the kingdom to his son.

This character will only be spoken about or used in flashbacks. He has the potential for his own side story but I don't think I like him enough for that.

Characteristics: Paranoid, Old, Senile.

Not too interested on his looks. He's an old king.

Current King

Currently middle aged with plenty of time left before he dies. He has a son that he is always pushing too hard and a daughter that he is trying to mold into a beautiful lady. He loves his children but is often baffled by their personalities. He's a good king with a fairly boring reign. His Archnemesis is the Pirate and his chase after the lighthearted criminal keeps him amused albeit frustrated. He is deeply troubled by the rise of monsters around the city. As the information he receives from Asher grows he begins to suspect that maybe not all of the people to the North were killed or that maybe this is the will of the goddess, exacting punishment for his fathers sins.

Characteristics: Kind, Stern, Old Fashioned

He looks like a king. Honestly, the royal family should have a physical trait that sets them apart but I haven't figured out what. Will most likely leave it to my artist if I ever finish this.

Prince

He hates being a Prince. He has no interest in combat training and honestly believes that his sister is far more talented than he. He has a love for cooking but since no one will teach him how to cook (his father has forbidden it) he tends to experiment with cooking and he is Awful at it. His nemesis is the Young Cook who begins working for the rundown Inn. Young Cook is the only person willing to tell him how absolutely awful his food tastes and tends to irk him with his arrogance.

Characteristics: Pushover, Foodlover, Spoiled

Appearance wise he should be chubby because he loves to eat.

Queen Clio

Mother of the Princess and Prince, wife to the King. She is a woman loved by the people. Kind and beautiful she tends to be the voice of reason for her husband when he gets too worked up. She supports her children in their endeavors but requires them to keep up their studies for both roles if they wish to have freedom to pursue their own goals. She doesn't have much of a role currently in the story but she has such a gentle presence that she may end up becoming something similar to a mother figure for Asher.

Characteristics: Gentle, Motherly

She should be a beautiful middle aged woman who doesn't quite look her age.

Goddess Tallulah

Well the Goddess is a fish monster. A bit strange. They have a love for pretty things and they themselves are quite a pretty fish. They live in a fish bowl atop the head of their host and use their host in order to communicate with humans as well as move around outside of the water. They are capable of controlling water and making minor miracles happen. Asher stumbles across the Goddess. She had been trapped inside a hidden cavern by Enki and Lilith in order to keep her from interfering with their plans. Quite upset at how rude the Villains are she is more than happy to assist Asher and his friends with their quest.

In the side story for this character you discover how the Goddess came to be worshiped as it goes in depth on the religion and practices of the country. From the viewpoint of the Priestess the Goddess is merciful and kind but from the viewpoint of the Goddess they are more of a parasite and honestly more sinister than the villains.

Characteristics: Vain, Arrogant

Should be a beautiful woman dressed in a near see through flowy dress with a fishbowl either atop her head or carried in her hand. The fish is a golden Koi.

Time to take a break.
« Last Edit: December 09, 2018, 02:21:38 AM by CookiePanda »

Offline MahluaandEggnog

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Re: Jumbled Idea Journal and Random Scribbles
« Reply #5 on: December 03, 2018, 02:19:57 PM »
Wow! You have a lot more of this planned out than I thought you had initially. At this point, it may be a good time to take a stab at writing the first chapter (or any random chapter, really. Writing out of order is sometimes really good for keeping things together). I don't see any super major plotholes. There is going to be some tension between the present king, the guard captain, and the pirate, but I can't say if it'll be awkward or not until I see it written. I can imagine that when the pirate and the guard captain hang out or drink at the pub or what they do, the reason the guard captain doesn't arrest him is because he is merely a suspect and he has no hard evidence to prove that this is the man. The pirate would respect this and make sure that he wasn't carrying any contraband while going to meet with him. But that's only one way to make it realistic. There are infinite possibilities.

Offline CookiePanda

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Re: Jumbled Idea Journal and Random Scribbles
« Reply #6 on: December 06, 2018, 08:01:51 PM »
Characters Continued
Story One

Priestess

The Priestess runs the Temple of the Goddess under the guidance of the Priest. Priestesses are chosen for their beauty, the saying goes that Beauty is the mark of the Goddess. Ever since she was a child she has trained for the day that the Goddess calls for her. Eventually, she will become her Vessel. In order to do so she must remain chaste and untouched by man. Pure and innocent. She is friends with the Doctor and the Librarian since childhood.

Characteristics: Devout, Studious, Innocent, Pure, Gentle, Kind, Faithful

Appearance wise she should be one of the most (if not most beautiful) female characters. Her only rival would be the current Vessel of the goddess and maybe the Princess (in lady form). She is covered up but the clothes should be form fitting.

Priest

A devout man of faith he has trained the current Priestess for her time as the Vessel. He is a fatherly man, unmovable in his faith for the Goddess. He is one of the counselors to the King and is privy to many secrets of the kingdom. Kind and reliable during times of crisis and darkness he cares deeply for the people of the kingdom. He wise and knowledgeable. Getting on in age he is looking for a suitable apprentice to leave the temple to.

Characteristics: Elderly, Wise, Kind, Fatherly, Devout, Intelligent

He wears the garbs of a priest. Getting on in age his hair should be greying or possibly he might be losing his hair. He could wear a cap to hide this fact maybe?

Doctor

A man of science (unusual for this kingdom) he doesn't consider medicine to be a gift of the Goddess but rather a gift of science and herbology. In a sense he could really be considered the town alchemist as well. Despite his beliefs he will help anyone who needs it, Hero or Villain... Rich or Poor. He's a respected member of the community and can be found often at the Library reading books. He'll often spend hours debating religion and science with the Priest. As a young boy he was in love with the Priestess, when she was chosen to become the Priestess he tried his best to convince her that the Goddess was not the answer. He still bares resentment in his heart towards the Goddess for taking his love away and tries on the regular to win the heart of the Priestess in hopes that one day she might change her mind.

Characteristics: Lonely, Brooding, Intelligent, Opinionated, Kind

He should have dark hair. It doesn't have to be black just a dark color. He should have items that identify him as a doctor but in the world I am not sure what that would appear to be. Their medicines are medieval in nature with a heavy influence from herbs and magic.

Eleanor aka Nola (Nurse)

Secretly in love with the doctor she works as a nurse. She knows of his love for the Priestess (everyone knows) so she does not pursue her feelings. She is energetic and friendly, always the first to jump in and help. A bit of a gossip she loves to listen to rumors and sometimes even spread some herself. She has a collection of "cats" (no real cats in this world but definitely some kind of cute cat/foxlike creature) that she keeps in her garden. You'll often see one of the creatures pop it's head out from inbetween her voluptuous breasts. The Doctor used to try and keep her from bringing these animals to work with her but he has given up the battle. Because of her ditzy and sometimes klutzy nature a lot of the more well to do characters don't take her seriously and often request a second opinion (think cashier "I'd like to ask your manager" scenarios). Due to this she has learned that when angry, smile wider ^^.

Characteristics: Ditzy, Klutzy, Gossipy, Energetic, Passive Aggressive, Helpful

She is short with large breasts and a childlike demeanor. She tends to wear dresses/skirts. Should be very nurselike but with a fantasy spin. Her colors should be bright and cheerful and a companion that she hides in her clothes should be designed with her. I'll leave the fluffy catlike monster design to the artists imagination. I would assume they would either be colorful or have a chameleon effect.

Librarian

Childhood friend of the Doctor and the Priestess. He has always been a bookworm. Shy with a tendency to knock things over when startled he always seems to be lost in his own world. A purveyor of rare books he can often be seen buying and occasionally lending out banned books. He believes that ignorance is the source of all things evil and that by educating the populace he can help prevent tragedies and misunderstandings from happening. He's an advocate of equal rights and oddly a good friend of the Pirate. He also is in love with the Priestess but he gave up long ago when he realized that his more confident friend, the Doctor, was pursuing her.

Characteristics: Shy, Kind, Forgiving, Klutzy, Intelligent, Dreamer, Idealist

His appearance should be the opposite of the Doctor in the sense that he consists of brighter colors. So if the Doctor has dark colored hair then the Librarian should have light hair or even pastels. His clothing should be midclass showing that he leads a comfortable life with little labor involved. He could have glasses but maybe that is a bit cliche.

Jester

One of the darker characters in this story. You could say that he is the Devil on the Kings shoulder while the Priest is the Angel. The Jester comes from a long line of Jesters. In the olden days Jesters were well respected advisers to the King. While acting the fool, Jesters would blend in at banquets, dances, and important meetings to listen in on whispers not usually heard near more respected members of societies. Essentially, the Jester is the role of a spy disguised as a clown.

Characteristics: Shaco... Dark, Humorous, Creepy, Insane, Nosy

He should be much stranger from the other characters and should appear disturbing in a sense to others. Jesters wear a family mask that many find uncomfortable to look at. I really like Shaco from league of legends and would think maybe some form of reference in respect to that character would be good.

Nobleman 1

A blue blooded Nobleman, he was born into wealth. His business is silk and other rare and valuable items. He was raised with an elitist attitude and looks down on anyone who is not a blue blood. He has a longstanding family rivalry with Nobleman 2. He pampers his wife and daughter, they are the lights of his life and he makes sure to inform everyone about how wonderful they are.

Characteristics: Prude, Uptight, Elitist, Doting

He is in his middle ages. As a Noble who does not require much physical labor to be asked of him he should be fairly round.  I'm not too specific about this character. Just think fat, rude, noble.

Noblewoman 1

Married to Nobleman 1 she has been pampered all her life. She sees herself as a beautiful lady and expects her daughter to follow in her footsteps. She spends her days teaching her daughter and making sure that the house is always respectable. You can often see her at court gossiping with other Nobles.

Characteristics: Vain, Rich, Prim and Proper, Gossip, Stuckup

She should wear a lot of expensive clothes and accessories with an over the top hairdo. She is trying to look young but potentially failing at it.

Mae (Noble Daughter)

The Daughter of Noblewoman 1 and Nobleman 1. She is her parents pride and joy. Perfect in every way she is a little lady. Her parents wish for her to marry the Prince. She is talented in music, manners, art, everything that a lady should be talented in. Secretly, she likes to meet Noble Son and has fallen in love with him. Think Romeo and Juliet except in this instance she is the Romeo pursuing the Juliet.

Characteristics: Polite, Perfect, Charming, Ladylike, Princess, Adventurous, Stubborn

She should be a beautiful young girl around the age of 14 or 15. Her hair should be long and she should be fair in complexion.

Nobleman 2

Unlike Nobleman 1, Nobleman 2 was not born into luxury. He worked hard to create his business (General Goods) and build his fortune. He believes in hardwork and sees the other Nobleman as a spoiled child in an adults body. He has his Son work in the business, learning it from the ground up, so that he may someday take it over.

Characteristics: Strong, Diligent, Gruff, Manly

He should be very manly, like a lumberjack in expensive clothing.

Noblewoman 2

Born to a farming family she disapproves of living a life of wealth. She believes that going without builds characters. Many people when they first see her can't believe she is of Noble status. When she goes to the court she looks quite like a hen among a flock of peacocks. Even tempered, she is a kind and loving woman who often helps to run the customer service part of the business.

Characteristics: Homely, Welcoming, Warm

She should look as a farmers wife might be expected to look.

Noble Son

He worships his father and wants to become just like him. He works hard and does his best to stay out of trouble. When the daughter of a rival noble family, Mae, begins to pursue him he tries his best to avoid her but ends up falling for her.

Characteristics: Hardworking, Young, Innocent, Cute

He should be a young boy around 14 or 15. He dresses casually. Not much to say about this character since his personality is more like a damsel in comparison to Noble Daughter.
« Last Edit: December 09, 2018, 02:01:41 AM by CookiePanda »

Offline CookiePanda

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Re: Jumbled Idea Journal and Random Scribbles
« Reply #7 on: December 06, 2018, 10:39:13 PM »
Characters Continued
Story 1
The Last of Them

Blacksmith

A rugged dwarfish man with an eyepatch. He's gruff with a dry sense of humor. His shop is set near the entrance of the guards quarters. Him and his apprentices are charged with keeping the Guards and Military supplied with the finest weapons and armor. With the rise of the monsters in the area business has been good and he has been busy with orders. Mainly keeping to himself you will occasionally see him at the pub with the Guard captain or haggling in the markets for materials.

Characteristics: Gruff, Serious, Busy, Tough

He's an older dwarf looking man with a beard and an eyepatch.

Blacksmith Apprentice Male

He's a studious blacksmith with a focus on infusing magic into his works. He's a self declared genius and a bit of a sexist. He's constantly competing with Blacksmith Female Apprentice for the number one spot. He's a perfectionist with his work almost to a fault because nothing is ever perfect.

Characteristics: Pride, Perfectionist, Sexist, Cocky, Intelligent, Gifted

He should appear mature and intelligent.

Blacksmith Apprentice Female

A young woman opting to go against social norms. She loves sharp and pointy objects and wishes to become a master weaponsmith. Due to her gender she has to work twice as hard to get the recognition that she deserves. The Princess is a close friend of hers and she tends to make armor and weapons just for the Princess.

Characteristics: Strong, Determined, Dedicated, Talented, Sassy

She should be small compared to Blacksmith Apprentice Male. Long Hair kept in a ponytail.

Lumberjack

A macho young man who lives outside of the Forest. He has a crush on the Nurse but tends to fail at expressing it well. He tends to tease her relentlessly on her big boobs and general squishiness. He has a fondness for the little creatures that she watches over. He has a tendency to hurt himself "accidentally" just to go to the Nurse and be patched up. With the ladies he tends to be quite charming but something about the Nurse just turns him into a bit of a fool.

Characteristics: Confident, Handsome, Hardworking, Loveable, Charming

He should have a large Axe and be dressed to show off his body. Charming smile.

Leper

When the Leper was born his family disowned him thinking him a monster. He was left under the care of the Priest who thought that he would die in just a few days. Surprisingly through the help of the Doctor and the Priest the baby survived. He grew up to be a weak man in constant pain. He is unwelcome among the community as many misunderstand and assume that somehow he will infect them. He lives a lonely life similar to a beggar until the day that the Nymph comes to town. They have their own story...

Characteristics: Sickly, Mummy, Lonely, Beggar, Kind, Understanding

He should be completely covered in bandages. When healed he'll turn into a handsome man.

Cecily (Nymph)

A young Nymph found in the woods by MC. The Villains have cursed her (currently debating if she should be mute or blind). MC takes her back to the Inn much against the advice of his companions (Nymphs are a different race and thus face a lot of racism from other characters). While at the Inn she takes over assisting with basic housekeeper duties (maid) and befriends the Leper of the town (perplexing the villagers). She has her own love story with the leper where the MC goes on a quest to the Goddess to restore her Sight/Voice (need to pick which one she loses) but instead she chooses to heal the Leper of his lifelong illness. The Goddess is only able to grant a cure of this magnitude once (basically a miracle).

Characteristics: Kind, Quiet, Shy, Curious

She should be different from other characters by ear shape, hair color, clothing (starting out skimpy before the Damsel and Princess dress her in something more appropriate), and potentially skin color/markings.

Cook

Rival to the Prince he is an arrogant Cook who creates feasts for the wealthy. Deciding to pursue a simpler life as he masters a new, secret, groundbreaking recipe he responds to the ad for a cook at Damsel's Inn. He's hot tempered and rash and is constantly finding ways to annoy the Prince (it's basically his hobby). Mainly a side character that will be seen more during filler pieces.

Characteristics: Charming, Arrogant, Rash, Hot Tempered

He'll look like a chef I suppose. A very Arrogant young Chef.

Innkeeper/Barkeep

The owner of the Pub in town she is a young and sexy woman. She is used to having all men pursue her and is amused by the innocence of MC. She spends a lot of her time trying to get the attention of the Bard (the only man who seems to never look her way). She dislikes the Damsel.

Characteristics: Sexy, Flirtatious, Confident

She should be a very confident and sexy woman. I suck at describing characters lol

Felix (Bard)

The Bard is an odd character. He has been cursed with bad luck. Story is that one of his ancestors made a deal with a demon in exchange for musical talent. The catch was that the first son of every generation would experience terrible luck in all things. The Bard has his own mission to try and find a way to break the curse. You can often see him playing around with all sorts of different magic objects in hopes that one of them will work. Unfortunately his luck is terrible so of course none of the items actually work. Because of his focus on music and cursed items he is oblivious to the lust of the Innkeep.

Characteristics: Oblivious, Unlucky, Klutzy

I would say hipster-ish clothing with miscellaneous charms for warding off badluck. Maybe some Tattoos.

Fisherman

The fisherman has my favorite story... The Fisherman is an oldman who lives on the beach in a small cabin. He spends everyday fishing. In his youth he would travel all over the world and fish in all sorts of places that no normal man had ever fished before. The reason for his passion for fishing is because it is an occupation that keeps him close to water at all times. You see, as a young boy he would play down by the ocean. While playing one day he met a beautiful mermaid who took a liking to him. Everyday he would go down to see her and they would chat and play all day for several years. One day he decided to give the mermaid a present, a bracelet made of sea shells and pearls that he had scavenged himself. Going down to the sea he could not find the mermaid that day, nor the next, or the next... He never saw that mermaid again.

Saddened by the loss and determined to find her again he became a fisherman, a sailor, and even at one time a pirate. He became a legend before finally settling down in a cabin on a beach outside the Capital.

One of my oneshots for this story is the MC helping the Fisherman to get to an island that was rumored to be protected by mermaids. There he meets the mermaid from his youth (she never aged), he gives her the bracelet, and is able to finally die in peace.

Characteristics: Friendly, Elderly, Dreamer

His looks are really up to the artist but he is going to have two appearances minimum: Young and Old.


And that is the end of the characters that exist in the realm of Story 1. Now I get to move onto Outlines for the story, Chapter Outlines, and my horrendous roughdraft that will need A LOT of critiquing ... Especially the dialogue. I hate Dialogue TT
« Last Edit: December 09, 2018, 02:04:41 AM by CookiePanda »

Offline CookiePanda

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Re: Jumbled Idea Journal and Random Scribbles
« Reply #8 on: December 07, 2018, 01:49:11 AM »
So I took a stab at the first chapter because I realized while plotting that the first 3 chapters won't create an plot holes by writing this early. I'm writing with panel format. Please don't critique whether or not a panel should be split into multiples because my boyfriend will change those automatically as he is drawing. It's agreed between us that he has free artistic reign to remove unnecessary panels or to add additional panels.  Also, I could describe the battle scenes but he is far better at drawing those scenes than I am at describing them so I leave the combat up to him.

What I do need critique for is Dialogue, Grammar, Spelling, Pointing out my bad habit of capitalizing random words, Suggestions for character names (You can see character descriptions above), Story flow, ect. Characters have a life of their own, I may have written descriptions for them but sometimes my characters turn out to be a completely different person than I thought they would be.

My formatting didn't stay the same in translation to the forum but it's neat enough I suppose.

Well, enough rambling. Here is Chapter One of Aeos (Temporary Name).

Spoiler
Chapter 1 Aeos

Panel 1: Shows a top view of the Kingdom of Aeos with the Capital at its center.
      
  Asher Narration: “The Kingdom of Aeos…
         My Grandfather used to read me stories…”

Panel 2: Shows silhouettes of strong looking heroes.
      
  Asher Narration: “About the heroes of our people…”

Panel 3: Show a Knight fighting against a fearsome monster (large like a dragon). The Knight should be small with his back to the viewer and the Monster should be preparing to strike with its mouth open wide (Like when a snake strikes), large and looming.
      
  Asher Narration: “Knights who vanquished fearsome monsters…”

Panel 4: Show a Knight kneeling before the Goddess.
      
  Asher Narration: “Won the love of Goddesses.”

Panel 5: Show the Knight wearing expensive looking armor surrounded by riches.
      
  Asher Narration: “And bathed in the spoils of their Quests!”

Panel 6: Show Asher striding confidently away from his farm. Sword on back, map in hand, Family waving him off.
      
  Asher Narration: “I’m 18 and finally an adult!
            Old enough to begin my own adventure in the Capital!”

Panel 7: Show Asher walking in the woods looking tired.
      
  Asher: “This is not how I imagined my story beginning…”

Panel 8: Show close up of Asher’s stomach. You can see his hungry face as the viewer looks up from below.

      *Stomach Growls*

Panel 9: We view Asher from above as he looks down at his map. A single drop of water is seen falling down.

Panel 10: Close up of the map and the drop of water hitting it.

      Asher: “You’ve got to be kidding me…”

Panel 11: An angry Asher looking up at the sky.

      Asher: “I’ve been walking for days and I’m LOST!”

Panel 12: Wind rushes around Asher and rips the map from his hands.

Panel 13: Asher chases the map through the woods, almost grabbing it but it slips through his fingers.

Panel 14: The map lands in a creek and floats away as Asher watches it go.

Panel 15: Asher slumps onto the ground with his head in his hands.

      Asher: “Of course…”

Panel 16: Asher seemingly tries to compose himself and looks up. The rain isn’t coming down yet, just threatening with storm clouds and a rumble of thunder.

      Asher: “That’s fine… That map was useless anyways!”

Panel 17: Asher opens up his pouch to view his food… It’s pretty much just bread crumbs in his hand.

      Asher, muttering to himself angrily: “Leave the farm they said... You’ll be fine
                they said… Just follow the map they said!”

Panel 18: Asher stomach rumbles again.

      *Stomach Rumble*

Panel 19: Looking above Asher. The scream takes up most of the panel.

      Magnolia: “AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!”

Panel 20: Asher scrambles to his feet and looks around.

      Asher: “What was that?!”

Panel 21: He’s looking around (different angle) when the scream comes again. Still takes up most of the panel.

      Magnolia: “AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!”

Panel 22: Asher takes off running towards the scream, not caring about bad weather or branches.

Panel 23: Magnolia is sprawled out on the ground, her basket is a mess around her as she is surrounded by a pack of very hungry, vicious looking wolf-like monsters. View is from above.

Panel 24: Show Magnolia from over the shoulder and the face of one of the wolf monsters very close to hers. Saliva dripping from its mouth.

Panel 25: Magnolia tries to flee from the wolf and it strikes as she turns. Before the wolf can reach her Asher bursts out of the thicket and slices his sword through the attacking wolf.

Panel 26-29: Asher is now the one surrounded by wolves. Asher readies himself to fight.
Battle scene for the next few panels. I leave these scenes to the judgement of the artist.

Panel 30: Asher finishes off the wolves. They lay slaughtered around his feet, his sword is dripping with blood. He is posed looking down at his sword with a serious expression.

Panel 31: We see Magnolia's impressed face while she is hiding in the bushes.

      Magnolia: "Wow… He’s super strong!”

Panel 32: Asher snaps out of his serious look and looks around. Question marks around his head maybe?

      Asher: “Did she run away?”

Panel 33: Asher puts his hand to his mouth.

      Asher: “Hello?! It’s safe to come out now!”

Panel 34: Magnolia clumsily makes her way out of the bush, she trips on her way out as her clothes were snagged on the bush.

Panel 35: Asher rushes forward to catch her in his arms out of instinct.

Panel 36: Magnolia's body is pressed close to his and their faces are close together as she looks up at him from his arms. They both blush and he quickly straightens her out.

Panel 37: Awkwardly distancing himself from her.

      Asher: “Are you alright?”

      Magnolia nods: “Yes… Thank you! If it weren’t for you…”

Panel 38: Magnolia looks at the mess of her supplies all over the place.

      Asher: “What are you doing out so deep in the woods on your own?”

Panel 39: Magnolia bends down to try and salvage her supplies. Asher also begins to help.

      Magnolia: “My supply of herbs was running low so I came out to try and collect
                a few. The woods aren’t usually so dangerous. I’ve never heard of
                somebody being attacked by monsters so close to the Capital!”

Panel 40: Asher looking up surprised and happy, with herbs in his hand.

      Asher: “You’re from the Capital?!”

Panel 41: Magnolia, looking at Asher, also surprised.

      Magnolia: “Yes, and you’re not?”

Panel 42: Supplies have been gathered and put back into the basket. Asher stands up, he ruffles his hair a bit.

      Asher: “Nope. I’m from a farm a few days south of here. I was actually on my way
                to the Capital when I heard you scream.”

Panel 43: Magnolia, looking up incredulous at him.

      Magnolia: “He’s a farm boy? And he fight likes that?”

Panel 44: Asher holds his hand out to Magnolia to help her up. He appears quite gentlemanly and we see him either from her point of view (developing a crush) or from the side with both of them in the image.

      Asher: “My name is Asher.”

Panel 45: Magnolia snaps out of her crush with a blush and takes his hand. He helps to pull her up and she straightens/brushes off her clothing.

      Magnolia: “I’m Magnolia. I run an Inn right outside of the city walls.”

Panel 46: The weather reminds the two with a loud roll of thunder and and darkening clouds.

Panel 47: Magnolia and Asher looking up at the weather that they had forgotten about “!!!!!!!”

      Magnolia: “We should hurry! Follow me. You can take shelter at my Inn for
                the night!”

Panel 48-49: This will be multiple panels of them moving through the dark woods, following a beaten path.

Panel 50: Asher and Magnolia are at the forest's edge. In front of them looms the city walls looking gigantic.

Panel 51: Asher stops walking and we see his face full of wonder as he has never seen such large walls before.

      Asher: “Wow! This is the Capital!”

Panel 52: The rain starts to come down hard, snapping Asher out of his wonder. He runs with Magnolia to take cover at the entrance to her inn.

Panel 53: Asher stands at the door of the Inn, not going inside, just looking at the walls above him. There is rain and thunder. Should be a fairly large panel.

      Asher Narration: “Now this is where my story finally begins…”
 
« Last Edit: December 09, 2018, 02:32:48 AM by CookiePanda »

Offline CookiePanda

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Re: Jumbled Idea Journal and Random Scribbles
« Reply #9 on: December 07, 2018, 03:13:41 AM »
So while I was writing my boyfriend was apparently drawing. This is his concept for the main character (Asher)! Ah I'm so happy that he's drawing again <3

Spoiler

Spoiler

It's just a rough idea. I told him I'd try coloring it for him since he's fairly anti coloring things. I'm terrified though lol, coloring is definitely not my forte.
« Last Edit: December 09, 2018, 02:33:02 AM by CookiePanda »

Offline ToxicWaste97

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Re: Jumbled Idea Journal and Random Scribbles
« Reply #10 on: December 07, 2018, 09:24:58 AM »
I like that first chapter. Looking at the art for the MC makes me want to see what the rest of that chapter would look like drawn.

Offline CookiePanda

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Re: Jumbled Idea Journal and Random Scribbles
« Reply #11 on: December 09, 2018, 01:43:42 AM »
Chapter Two is turning out to be a bit of a challenge. In the meantime I've been researching names for Characters and will be going through and editing the previous posts as I decide upon names.

Found inspiration oddly enough while reading an article on Satanism. Apparently, some believers state that Satanism predates Christianity and that Christianity was made in response to Satanism. Of course, he wasn't known as Satan but rather as Enki. In comparison to the God of Christianity many see Enki/Satan as being more benevolent and worthy of worship. I found that this resonated with me in terms of my two characters (the antagonists) because their country was destroyed for being different and for being too powerful despite their peace. They are the antagonists of this kingdom but depending on perspective they could also be seen as the heroes of their country.

I decided on naming the sister after Lilith, Adams first wife who refused to bow to him. In the bible she is a fearsome demon, one of the most powerful, but in other religions she is seen as an embodiment of feminine power.

If only figuring out names for my heroes was as easy TT Any suggestions on good names? I'm currently digging through baby names and articles on various religions/mythology/leaders in history for inspiration.

Offline Coryn

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Re: Jumbled Idea Journal and Random Scribbles
« Reply #12 on: December 10, 2018, 03:04:38 PM »
Well, you asked me to take a look at the dialogue, and I'm pretty sure I can offee some advice.


1. There is an awful lot of your characters just announcing what they feel/what is happening. This is the first thing on the list of dialogue don'ts. Nobody has ever proclaimed "I've been walking for days and I'M LOST!". The character already knows it, and obviously there's no one around to tell. Maybe if Magnolia had asked the question, he would have said it, but she certainly wasn't in scene yet. Have the character do something to express his being lost. Maybe he offers up a prayer to the gods asking for help. Oraybe he's angry and starts yelling at the map itssld. Just something that is coupled with an action.

2. Asher speaks in a very proper way. If he's supposed to be a country bumpkin, make him sound like a country bumpkin. Give him slang, contractions, poor grammar. It can be excused potentially by Magnolia, if she's from the fancy capital, but there should be an immediate difference between their speech patterns.


I have more thoughts, but duty calls. Those are the top two points though. I'll be back around later to add more.

Will review stories upon request. My latest arc: http://goo.gl/KYgsfF

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Re: Jumbled Idea Journal and Random Scribbles
« Reply #13 on: December 11, 2018, 10:52:44 AM »
Alright let's continue.

3. Related to point 2, every character should have a distinct way of speaking, just like all of us do in real life. After all, we're all individuals with past histories and experiences. Things will change. Now, this is definitely not an easy thing to achieve. I have definitely struggled with it myself. But there are some ways to combat it.

First up, you need to have a well defined image of eagc character in your head. Right now Asher and Magnolia are basically cookie cutter fantasy characters. They've got nothing to set them apart. You need to work in the little unique quirks that add to their humanness. The more you shape them, the more it will be apparent to you as their creator how they will sound. It's a long process, but it will be worth the effort.

The second thing is something of a game you can play. Take all of the lines of dialogue each character has, arrange them at random, and then see if you can pick out who says what. If you can do it, congratulations you're at least at a 2 out of 10. You wrote it after all. Now get someone else who has read the story to do it. If they can, it's a 5/10. If you can get someone who hasn't read the story to do it, then you're 8/10 territory. I don't say 10/10, because while having distinct dialogue is going to mean you've made it a lot of the way to having really good dialogue (You'll be learning along the way, after all), there's still the question of how well it's written from a general standpoint.

4. Understand your world inside and out. The more you know your world, and your characters' place in it, the more you will understand how that world informs their character. It is always interconnected. And that's true for all of this advice. Character development has as much to do with writing good dialogue as having a good grasp on the language itself. You should always look for the lines that connect them.

I hope that helps you out. Good luck!

Will review stories upon request. My latest arc: http://goo.gl/KYgsfF

Offline suuper-san

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Re: Jumbled Idea Journal and Random Scribbles
« Reply #14 on: December 11, 2018, 12:02:04 PM »
Good names for my characters might not be good names for your characters. You've got to take into account era and country (if it's a fantasy country does it have a reference in real life?) ie Attack on Titan has a bunch of German names.
Anime often has characters names based on a theme, such as the 7 sins, or a name that's linked with their ability (even though their ability isn't known at birth.
Although not anime, The Incredibles did this nicely with Dash (Dashiell?) = Speed, Violet = Invisibility (Ultraviolet light is invisible/shrinking violet) and Jack-Jack (Jack of all trades), to name a few.
Characters can also have long term/permanent nicknames/hero names that are a lot closer to their ability or personality, and get used more than their name does.
People these days are just making up names for their kids anyway, and I sometimes think of a word or a mash-up of words and think it sounds cool as a name. Road names have been a source of inspiration too.
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