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Author Topic: i need tips to improve my story  (Read 172 times)

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Offline MilanTheAuthor

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i need tips to improve my story
« on: August 11, 2018, 02:43:47 PM »
Hello, I am a manga writer a and I've been thinking about making a story mainly about powers. Here's the plot.



Beings Called Deities live in a plane different than the humans. they have no effect on the human world and can only communicate with humans through bonds called 'Contracts’.
Contracts do not only let deities communicate with humans but they give the human a part of the deities power.
There are currently only 2 ways to make a contract with a deity.
 1.Partial Contract. gives only a part of the deities power and slightly changes the physical form of the human.
2.Pure Contract . this is a contract only made when the deity fully trusts the human. This gives the human as much of the deities power as they can handle this transformation changes the appearance of the human and it can also even change their personality.
Humans all have different amounts of power so they are ranked by 3 categories
Human level- they are the weakest
Demi level- most of the humans with partial contracts have this power.
Deity level- Power to rival a Deity.
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.
.
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Raizen is the main character and he has a contract with 2 deities the deities of lighting and ice. Thats al i have right now . do you have any tips?

Offline Coryn

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Re: i need tips to improve my story
« Reply #1 on: August 11, 2018, 10:59:36 PM »
Well the problem with quick little summaries like this, is that they don't really tell you much behind the base concept. And at their core, all concepts have the ability to be good if written well. So you see how it gets difficult to judge. That being said, it does sound like a good staring point. I like how the person's body changes. So maybe you can work on how that would be a drawback?

Do you have any specific questions you're looking to get answers to?

Will review stories upon request. My latest arc: http://goo.gl/KYgsfF

Offline suuper-san

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Re: i need tips to improve my story
« Reply #2 on: August 12, 2018, 05:42:52 PM »
sounds cool. I do like stories with a heavy focus on magic or powers, but yeah too early to give much of an opinion, but sounds like a cool basis.

Offline Crackhead Johny

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Re: i need tips to improve my story
« Reply #3 on: October 17, 2018, 06:32:00 PM »
1. First ask yourself how many manga/anime use exactly this same type thing. Reskinning Jojo's is not a great idea.
2. Your "plot" sounds like a character description with an explanation of the powers, not a plot.

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Raizen is the main character and he has a contract with 2 deities the deities of lighting and ice. Thats al i have right now . do you have any tips?
Is it that people can only have 1 contract as a rule? If not, how do deities feel about people taking out competing contracts with other deities? If so, it already sounds like he is a cliche chosen one. Will this lead to a never ending fight against opponents who have ever increasing numbers of contracts with ever increasingly powerful deities?

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this is a contract only made when the deity fully trusts the human
Do not use this bad cliche. Yes it gets plagiarized and recycled all the time but it is stupid. Do not use it.
Deities have been around forever, thus they know humans well enough that they will NEVER fully trust ANY human.
This is why ancient writers had the gods give mortals things to watch mortals mess up with them. Humans were the play toys of the gods. So do not give the self serving, greedy, brainless monkeys your trust, give them fire and see what they do with it.

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Deity level- Power to rival a Deity.
How stupid would a deity have to be to give that to a human? Yes, it is a played out cliche but it is also stupid. Never give a child or your enemy your gun, if you want to live very long.

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they have no effect on the human world and can only communicate with humans through bonds called 'Contracts’.
Contracts do not only let deities communicate with humans but they give the human a part of the deities power
Having lived forever, why do deities want to communicate with humans AKA stupid monkeys? The ancient Greeks  had gods doing it for sex, because humans are pets, to be worshiped, competition between gods, or just to mess with humans for fun. With competition between gods this was because the head god would not allow the other gods to just kill each other.