cool :P
reead up to ch12
some things I wondered
ch10 p3 "We see someone opening their eyes but through their eyes". - You mean you see them opening their eyes from their point of view?
ch11 PAGE 7
P1 Anastasia uses the knife on the door lock
P2 The door unlocks
Well, that was easy? I was expecting it to be more of an escape the room kinda of feel. was the only problem them getting out of the plastic restraints? felt a tad too easy considering it was meant to be a test.
ch11 page 11
P6 Alex- Yuki, it’s me!(We don’t see him though just his voice)
I can't hear his voice if its a manga, what did you have in mind for this panel?
ch12 page 2
a younger Anastasia at a sniper shooting range with her father standing behind her.
sorry if i missed it, but did her father get introduced already? otherwise how do we know its her father and not some random teammate/guy/instructor?
ch12 page 6 -P4 Ana- Sir, if you’re withholding information that is a criminal offense.
lol
ch12 page 11 p4 "the special effects of the realization of seeing something horrific."
you mean gore censorship?
overall I like the cliffhangers and the pacing is good. I felt the early chapters were a little too slow to get into the main first gritty murder plot, although I don't know what I would have one differently.
- Yes, Point of view lol for some reason I forgot that
- Yeah I was just displaying the huge gap of experience already between the members of the group, most specifically anastasia
- the panel was supposed to be a shot of the door and the word bubble coming from the door
- Your right about that her father wasn't introduced yet so we wouldn't really know until the confirmation of that later on
- yeah gore censorship lol
read up to ch15
points of interest:
ch13 page12 p1 - We then see him driving in his car while humming ode to joy by Beethoven
how do you intend on showing this? anime is easy but manga not so easy.
ch13 page 14 woahhhhhhh cliffffhangerrrrrrr
ch14 page4 p1-They are all dressed in attire that fits the culture in this town
make sure to elaborate on that, you mean the whole town is western (as in old western) style?
ch14 page 15 p4 - "What’s going on…"
who says this or what? its a narration?
ch15 page1 p1 - Everyone in there positions??
typo (their)
ch15 page4 p1-and get a mini introduction to her a cop who is also in charge of the night watch of this neighborhood
you mean like an info box next to the image or overlayed? like in Conan for the suspects?
ch15 page7 p4 -"neither did he"
lol
ch15 page12 p5-They had some difficulties there as well (controlling Mitsugi)
what sort of image did you have in mind for this?
ch15 page12,13 - are these texts narration or manga panels?
so far you have good endings to the chapters which make the reader want to turn to the next one, and the story is progressing well. perhaps a little more descriptions of locations would be nice, as unlike a novel which is left to the readers imagination, a manga script needs to be turned into a physical definite image. unless you intend on giving your artist a significant amount of freedom, you might want to increase the amount of details mentioned, especially regarding new locations.
- I actually was probably going to put like music symbols or just humming with an sfx description of what he is humming under the panel
- Yeah western attire lol
- I was just kind of describing what would be in the panels without description or word bubbles
- Yeah an info box for her basic introduction to the reader
- them dragging mitsugi from probably going crazy inside the super market
- more manga panels
I had planned on telling the environment more discretely to the artist and thank you for reading and giving good feedback. I'll post alot more soon. thanks for reading as well.
Poll
