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Author Topic: My Manga Story!!  (Read 2289 times)

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Offline Vikings1428

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My Manga Story!!
« on: July 18, 2018, 03:46:28 PM »
I'll post my first three chapters for (still unsure about a title it is now between hypno proxy or morpheus or maybe dream agent) but lmk if I should post more if you guys wanna keep reading and still looking for an artist for it as well. plus tell me what you guys think!
Also Chapter two and onward are more organized by pages and panels (P) and the 1st chapter is just a script.

Chapter 1
http://forums.mangaraiders.com/index.php/topic,19217.0.html

Chapter 2
https://docs.google.com/document/d/167pLaMd1yFYAXI7gmiDCtJFKzLdxL_xlr9ODgmC9KQU/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 3
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ko_OG3ylZvNlgzleANwL1JqysH9XraoWbM3XudRuH3g/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 4
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1QmbaL68poNHpN_D8JyX91Lnnw8QsqMfGo0B1znZVCk8/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 5
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1QswNPo83RVQTiw2GlZ7PwAMb9jkoGwm64qR4ujNnqaE/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 6
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ibDZHTLfuJhNtUrwgu1NUeklt2ghk_5oM_mCzTbCkCM/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 7
https://docs.google.com/document/d/135zPjPYJf641r8Efuw-yuAkqdLyOnXa3AzqlFV3k9Qk/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 8
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1KhBVEGIXBP8RoqYJ6lURagBAdS3zcjs5DUFdDLbyfOI/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 9
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Q_rhG0JGZBiBpwMXZmBjPjsm9svpapgGYwCTHU-eVAA/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 10
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1l3vNQzrV46wJbwPBVQWABuRbXl7kntTxkMlhi8VSokY/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 11
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1V2FM1tYA8AJUbXrXXfhAbsn46j7hfiS1htc4XnGtvWo/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 12
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1e7KAi8JwFWqcSGnFZzlSkCFKiXmK8IrxgprJ-G2XO2w/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 13
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1LIvSLeuG-20zo7nyRylqPD3zuw_onPefY0XsnikVKos/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 14
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Ye0N60hkYDoQ5B5ug4V4mZ73kIB7FP7epFeyBCx6kx4/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 15
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1nPu-z68Zr7nLcZ2Da0jRV4PjpG3KCuawOPmsbo9wMIM/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 16
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1wXuChoB4RjLbF1OvfPNIP-zVdNFrXzcA2GB0DhIkU70/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 17
https://docs.google.com/document/d/181Ms-sMP8E-69LSJTa7c7gLYPzFeMvXDZod-uwagCb0/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 18
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1_CClUuO97sqMUu2ewe-KaA6bX_E11I0HAN7Y8qerpBc/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 19
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Jx4PYEqc6woRDJkCjAL1nuCtg6Li0p2uG9iyWpC2_74/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 20
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1CDft2ZLvFjDwXo53odomlJ6EfZkgDr4t8m4QZWiK6fs/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 21
https://docs.google.com/document/d/17vJfgFa9yxLA2SkIqiDu8vheVdaJls3XmhBG_ZcWV2s/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 22
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Eda96MT9yebFloh1cyGiT_TEEibK-auFgf_3Z4hKEYA/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 23
https://docs.google.com/document/d/166tj5zNdrXZm1xAEOO1NVvaXD6otDo4duyPkDJSH1-Y/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 24
https://docs.google.com/document/d/178Yng5zDn0sai46Q5P6DBzoTddCjPywhkr0MY142ZKY/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 25
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1JjKbly807ymOlccjMvWvbRWpOYrOuN4QkkVqDFItOqI/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 26
https://docs.google.com/document/d/12SgLtLlLr56gTO3tp0wRjSz24EI2FD9KgbwofUXzOV4/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 27
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1rfIzsv_Ve8THHto-4gGslIN_bSqMQE9_CeT5kSKw8oI

Chapter 28
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1n--GBctDQ32IOvTzBnCLSBnPKVHHy7RFZGYvtS-b8Bg

Chapter 29
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1IX8PmmSzIWxQAg2iViYwOlApj87NPxfibh2gJg6h6qc

Chapter 30
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1S3s0wrGV8Bt57_2-ExCtACIQ5TZ94-6JMNMlr5-I5Mw

Chapter 31
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1N-uNtVKIlygLK83C8pd6yMXWCRGEiWHtyt1bqmDizD4

Chapter 32
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1AifGn05rSDq2WxzawcSwYlN0aXD67Q9ay45vyXg9esM

Chapter 33
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1yK1DG6DrkZd1pJaV-W6zSDUTi9vFFpXKjrlEL-7oAwg

Chapter 34
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1vYNI4oF7q1ZThnota4LtFIdZuMugoZ4h-oJaVhcI8d4

Chapter 35
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1vHUWEDadV_Pt2d5gps0OTheuUiFYabvUGmtYg6SAS1A

Chapter 36
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1hBS_FYtaRqKRTUDPAt1W_SQB7-qCetNlHUTaWwhqks8

Chapter 37
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1EK0owLiU1-Lem43qTHM8vfLgAWR-vgEzttBJB5RxdjQ

Chapter 38
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1xl7Zx5C72FrAww-bAX0Prdpy12t-XI2OVROYKKjrd2o

Chapter 39
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1Yhp2mTFX5LloHMBiZqQt0p9usq6IijDTAhxa4MS5mY8

Chapter 40
https://drive.google.com/open?id=16MNkQr1OMCIYWjmsKk_n8bumY5OvJCjtWx0H9aZdZ50

Chapter 41
https://drive.google.com/open?id=10ttHyC5mhbKQbRl6lzz4NvkTR1a_LjXIGk-mJgi4SfQ

Chapter 42
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1-U-xf8_11TFn2C4aNUe9CKxJoHImEAEp165FjlokaFk

Chapter 43
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1XQ3O20jn1ZDAvI2EvNPaLiWDg1PgeBKbeUWn5l3Hx14

Chapter 44
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1eNMJnq5v0I8telrEa0ky4j2jRZ8yNzHqJ_K7-i23y-s

Chapter 45
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1OokmmF66yWXoSSGaJzTP3xv789Hs-wc9MJpdNyDVk7U

Chapter 46
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1X_6xZJmbMyxTcjBNNHVF1ilEfFOfu0B_Z6iDlgj7Zvs/edit

Chapter 47
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1JsJpkZd-Uzj8r5DhFUlc0iylJOD06qPFez3YSZOEegc/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 48
https://docs.google.com/document/d/10w9g9q9-k45a2Bd4FxAtrsGRYEhQZfKwzM3duyJLNFI/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 49
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1dUIA3DW8eBrNeFqKSId-AVizIl0YRBvBA7k3UxJjawY

Chapter 50
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1tJEi0XnwK8NDlRYdbaBWNFr4QicGA-hc8fAlOQXJHFY

Chapter 51
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1f34Ecdxsm_7GK7Lt2yiGdDceDm09cW1ZtWcM8e7C_-g

Chapter 52
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1ru0KR-WzXg-rMmAMkfOTQWDcL9m4ne96prMl7sVSmhg

Chapter 53
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1if7pFyJOfOtYbDfZz-xLvfg_UNqKrf--rkPwAynHuE0

Chapter 54
https://drive.google.com/open?id=10otDxuVSFzpLn6jX2xF2k_hsM-TYMZQr4IEAj7eAYyg

Chapter 55
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1NU1BxZkc3qn8tO3YHRIqfOt5Idf4tBJ74c1h3l2dBkQ

Chapter 56
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1wb8UE7GPEXe1mvNfjkLo6bviaPf776qVeYYtAON0Qz0

Chapter 57
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1ynqHu7_MDBnxzNjHss-pMT0xEQpNGTtxk5VjpEyC8aY

Chapter 58
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1lxdnQgunRzO4ycA-pJws7Darbg6zGql2vmScNsbyxxY

Chapter 59
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1L26JVgxmJLFH6NVBopDgItuiw3GsdgfBk8qEBHr5HjI

Chapter 60
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1BAWnxjgx8j1QvIDOXaS8_5bwVCi8shafmQUPi9epuM4

Chapter 61
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1pohfRbylMYiARJJYhzkGHAxljNRoXVMxqB2Mi64Na88

Chapter 62
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1m7hoZ40xyE1eguG1KVr_HPOcui7lt4zsZbKfsdnJeIk

Chapter 63
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1Mvx9szvyhqCna2PsnXcS8glLaWCM3r_4-AkS8w8stmo

Chapter 64
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1ma9m7fmhRB0r0dq-8FjrsZTeyQlX_DnBp3wmhinZE6k

Chapter 65
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1NxO1quUzbPiD2nKGsGYN6iaRp45RIMokO7PGQ7Bh1Yk

Chapter 66
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1VV6-S7J-YZXOhsURn0KyZkWbuY47OJka0bfPMOfyEbs

Chapter 67
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1iFCnOeOIpeSlV5b8jYWj1kFYFy233zxvL9VctHEpX4M

Chapter 68
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1zRUEdVmEbBZtcgbGVGe-2sfgEA-s-DLms6LYP7X1clo

Chapter 69
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1D4BLjbInepnUWH5j-4EnEV4t4_cdB-iFzDVzh69GcHA

Chapter 70
https://drive.google.com/open?id=13GTi0DC2D5QNVopUjQxGMVYMJg0QonAWTVESP_kd3Fw
« Last Edit: September 13, 2018, 11:04:29 AM by Vikings1428 »

Offline suuper-san

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Re: My Manga Story!!
« Reply #1 on: July 18, 2018, 05:06:47 PM »
I read your chapter 1 and its a nice easy read, although the layout and font disagreed with me a little.

I haven't properly read ch2 and 3, but I noticed your panel count is a little high on some pages, not too many though. I think you might benefit from spacing it out a little more, so the panels can have more detail in them and it doesn't feel cramped. sometimes an action is described but no panel is given, so it's a bit hard to tell what you expect in each panel. That might just be me not used to reading manga scripts though.

But that is why artist-writer communication has to be good. Hopefully you find an artist that can give you what you envision.

If you do write more definitely post it, although the story section tends to be quieter than the art galleries, as its harder to review and read scripts as opposed to an image :P

keep it up :)
Art: Manga / Other / Requests (closed)
Manga:Overdrive / Endlessness
Other:Craft

Feedback & Critique Welcome!!

Offline Vikings1428

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Re: My Manga Story!!
« Reply #2 on: July 19, 2018, 01:56:06 AM »
I think I should just post the doc links here as the copy and paste was kind of confusing when it didn't come out the way I wanted it to...

Offline Vikings1428

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Re: My Manga Story!!
« Reply #3 on: July 19, 2018, 08:03:34 AM »

Hopefully this will flow much better than the spoiler did   ;D
« Last Edit: July 19, 2018, 12:23:53 PM by Vikings1428 »

Offline Vikings1428

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Re: My Manga Story!!
« Reply #4 on: July 19, 2018, 09:54:22 PM »
Updated with 5 more chapters for y'all to read!!  :D :D

Offline Vikings1428

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Re: My Manga Story!!
« Reply #5 on: July 21, 2018, 02:32:04 PM »
updated with 11 more. hope you guys like it  ;D

Offline suuper-san

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Re: My Manga Story!!
« Reply #6 on: July 22, 2018, 03:32:16 PM »
I read up to chapter 6. it feels very much standard shounen which isn't bad, but it lacks much that makes it unique up to this point. I think a lot of readers will want to see why this is different and not generic, although for a casual reader like myself I will read anything shounen automatically. I think you introduced the characters well and naturally, but I cant remember characters from page to page so I cant tell if the personalities are different or not :P

it looks like for the most part the panel count is low per page which is fine for action. perhaps a little more description of the environment wouldn't go a miss, although this is a manga script, more details are always good, and it'll help the artist to get what you want.

Chapter 6 Page 1 P3 - why is it a secret button? I thought they are in a training facility, surely the button would be on a panel in a normal place. maybe needing an ID card or something if its restricted, but not hidden?
Art: Manga / Other / Requests (closed)
Manga:Overdrive / Endlessness
Other:Craft

Feedback & Critique Welcome!!

Offline Vikings1428

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Re: My Manga Story!!
« Reply #7 on: July 22, 2018, 03:55:06 PM »
I read up to chapter 6. it feels very much standard shounen which isn't bad, but it lacks much that makes it unique up to this point. I think a lot of readers will want to see why this is different and not generic, although for a casual reader like myself I will read anything shounen automatically. I think you introduced the characters well and naturally, but I cant remember characters from page to page so I cant tell if the personalities are different or not :P

it looks like for the most part the panel count is low per page which is fine for action. perhaps a little more description of the environment wouldn't go a miss, although this is a manga script, more details are always good, and it'll help the artist to get what you want.

Chapter 6 Page 1 P3 - why is it a secret button? I thought they are in a training facility, surely the button would be on a panel in a normal place. maybe needing an ID card or something if its restricted, but not hidden?
Wow you have a point there on the button lol i just wanted to make it embedded into the wall as lol and thanks for the advice on the low panel count which i did but am willing to change up on the discretion of the artist and thanks for reading 😊

Offline suuper-san

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Re: My Manga Story!!
« Reply #8 on: July 22, 2018, 04:04:59 PM »
thats fine!
panel count is a funny thing - some artists can get away with nearly 10 panels on each page, but some barely fit more than 4. the advantage is that more panels can convey either more individual details or make the time flow faster to fit more in each page therefore chapter. but in turn you lose the overall details, such as backgrounds and environments,faces lose the expressions as they are smaller, as well as making it a bit more crowed and complicated to read. the exact opposite is true of lower count pages, great for adding lots of detail to each panel, but page turning is a lot faster, and you need more pages to tell the same story.

do you keep a specific manga in mind for inspiration when splitting the story into panels, or just go with your own experience/intuition?
Art: Manga / Other / Requests (closed)
Manga:Overdrive / Endlessness
Other:Craft

Feedback & Critique Welcome!!

Offline Vikings1428

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Re: My Manga Story!!
« Reply #9 on: July 22, 2018, 05:28:21 PM »
thats fine!
panel count is a funny thing - some artists can get away with nearly 10 panels on each page, but some barely fit more than 4. the advantage is that more panels can convey either more individual details or make the time flow faster to fit more in each page therefore chapter. but in turn you lose the overall details, such as backgrounds and environments,faces lose the expressions as they are smaller, as well as making it a bit more crowed and complicated to read. the exact opposite is true of lower count pages, great for adding lots of detail to each panel, but page turning is a lot faster, and you need more pages to tell the same story.

do you keep a specific manga in mind for inspiration when splitting the story into panels, or just go with your own experience/intuition?

Yeah i keep dragonball in mind more than anything when thinking about panels and flow of panels

Offline suuper-san

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Re: My Manga Story!!
« Reply #10 on: July 30, 2018, 03:52:02 PM »
cool :P

reead up to ch12

some things I wondered

ch10 p3 "We see someone opening their eyes but through their eyes". - You mean you see them opening their eyes from their point of view?

ch11 PAGE 7
P1 Anastasia uses the knife on the door lock
P2 The door unlocks
Well, that was easy? I was expecting it to be more of an escape the room kinda of feel. was the only problem them getting out of the plastic restraints? felt a tad too easy considering it was meant to be a test.

ch11 page 11
P6 Alex- Yuki, it’s me!(We don’t see him though just his voice)
I can't hear his voice if its a manga, what did you have in mind for this panel?

ch12 page 2
a younger Anastasia at a sniper shooting range with her father standing behind her.
sorry if i missed it, but did her father get introduced already? otherwise how do we know its her father and not some random teammate/guy/instructor?

ch12 page 6 -P4 Ana- Sir, if you’re withholding information that is a criminal offense.
lol

ch12 page 11 p4 "the special effects of the realization of seeing something horrific."
you mean gore censorship?

overall I like the cliffhangers and the pacing is good. I felt the early chapters were a little too slow to get into the main first gritty murder plot, although I don't know what I would have one differently.
Art: Manga / Other / Requests (closed)
Manga:Overdrive / Endlessness
Other:Craft

Feedback & Critique Welcome!!

Offline ;w; Andou

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Re: My Manga Story!!
« Reply #11 on: July 30, 2018, 04:49:22 PM »
Hey man just about ready to talk about my manga will you be available to talk after this week??
www.oeiji2000.forumotion.com plz join to help with my manga

Offline suuper-san

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Re: My Manga Story!!
« Reply #12 on: July 30, 2018, 05:30:38 PM »
I'm always around here :)
Art: Manga / Other / Requests (closed)
Manga:Overdrive / Endlessness
Other:Craft

Feedback & Critique Welcome!!

Offline ;w; Andou

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Re: My Manga Story!!
« Reply #13 on: July 30, 2018, 10:19:19 PM »
If u like to help see this

http://forums.mangaraiders.com/index.php/topic,19256.0.html

I swear people just ignore my thread and just go different ones. I hope I can more activities in my thread..
www.oeiji2000.forumotion.com plz join to help with my manga

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Re: My Manga Story!!
« Reply #14 on: July 31, 2018, 02:00:32 AM »
I did have a glance at that topic, it sounded like you already had everyone you needed helping you?

I swear people just ignore my thread and just go different ones. I hope I can more activities in my thread..
please don't feel hurt by this! I've had the same feeling plenty of times in the past.
its just quite quiet here at the moment, so they aren't really going to different threads and ignoring you, they just aren't here lol. Try and be patient :)

It might help if you make it clearer what the purpose of the thread was, since it sounded like you already had like 5 people on board I didn't think you needed help! Don't forget you can use text formatting to make Titles and sections stand out more, otherwise it can be hard for us to know what's going on. we're just amateurs too :P
« Last Edit: July 31, 2018, 02:03:00 AM by suupertramp »
Art: Manga / Other / Requests (closed)
Manga:Overdrive / Endlessness
Other:Craft

Feedback & Critique Welcome!!