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Author Topic: My Manga Story!!  (Read 418 times)

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Offline Vikings1428

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My Manga Story!!
« on: July 18, 2018, 03:46:28 PM »
I'll post my first three chapters for (still unsure about a title it is now between hypno proxy or morpheus or maybe dream agent) but lmk if I should post more if you guys wanna keep reading and still looking for an artist for it as well. plus tell me what you guys think!

Chapter 1
http://forums.mangaraiders.com/index.php/topic,19217.0.html
it's the link on that post ;)
Also Chapter two and three are more organized by pages and panels (P) and the 1st chapter is just a script.

Chapter 2
https://docs.google.com/document/d/167pLaMd1yFYAXI7gmiDCtJFKzLdxL_xlr9ODgmC9KQU/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 3
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ko_OG3ylZvNlgzleANwL1JqysH9XraoWbM3XudRuH3g/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 4
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1QmbaL68poNHpN_D8JyX91Lnnw8QsqMfGo0B1znZVCk8/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 5
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1QswNPo83RVQTiw2GlZ7PwAMb9jkoGwm64qR4ujNnqaE/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 6
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ibDZHTLfuJhNtUrwgu1NUeklt2ghk_5oM_mCzTbCkCM/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 7
https://docs.google.com/document/d/135zPjPYJf641r8Efuw-yuAkqdLyOnXa3AzqlFV3k9Qk/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 8
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1KhBVEGIXBP8RoqYJ6lURagBAdS3zcjs5DUFdDLbyfOI/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 9
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Q_rhG0JGZBiBpwMXZmBjPjsm9svpapgGYwCTHU-eVAA/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 10
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1l3vNQzrV46wJbwPBVQWABuRbXl7kntTxkMlhi8VSokY/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 11
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1V2FM1tYA8AJUbXrXXfhAbsn46j7hfiS1htc4XnGtvWo/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 12
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1e7KAi8JwFWqcSGnFZzlSkCFKiXmK8IrxgprJ-G2XO2w/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 13
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1LIvSLeuG-20zo7nyRylqPD3zuw_onPefY0XsnikVKos/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 14
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Ye0N60hkYDoQ5B5ug4V4mZ73kIB7FP7epFeyBCx6kx4/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 15
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1nPu-z68Zr7nLcZ2Da0jRV4PjpG3KCuawOPmsbo9wMIM/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 16
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1wXuChoB4RjLbF1OvfPNIP-zVdNFrXzcA2GB0DhIkU70/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 17
https://docs.google.com/document/d/181Ms-sMP8E-69LSJTa7c7gLYPzFeMvXDZod-uwagCb0/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 18
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1_CClUuO97sqMUu2ewe-KaA6bX_E11I0HAN7Y8qerpBc/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 19
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Jx4PYEqc6woRDJkCjAL1nuCtg6Li0p2uG9iyWpC2_74/edit?usp=sharing
« Last Edit: July 21, 2018, 02:31:14 PM by Vikings1428 »

Offline suupertramp

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Re: My Manga Story!!
« Reply #1 on: July 18, 2018, 05:06:47 PM »
I read your chapter 1 and its a nice easy read, although the layout and font disagreed with me a little.

I haven't properly read ch2 and 3, but I noticed your panel count is a little high on some pages, not too many though. I think you might benefit from spacing it out a little more, so the panels can have more detail in them and it doesn't feel cramped. sometimes an action is described but no panel is given, so it's a bit hard to tell what you expect in each panel. That might just be me not used to reading manga scripts though.

But that is why artist-writer communication has to be good. Hopefully you find an artist that can give you what you envision.

If you do write more definitely post it, although the story section tends to be quieter than the art galleries, as its harder to review and read scripts as opposed to an image :P

keep it up :)

Offline Vikings1428

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Re: My Manga Story!!
« Reply #2 on: July 19, 2018, 01:56:06 AM »
I think I should just post the doc links here as the copy and paste was kind of confusing when it didn't come out the way I wanted it to...

Offline Vikings1428

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Re: My Manga Story!!
« Reply #3 on: July 19, 2018, 08:03:34 AM »

Hopefully this will flow much better than the spoiler did   ;D
« Last Edit: July 19, 2018, 12:23:53 PM by Vikings1428 »

Offline Vikings1428

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Re: My Manga Story!!
« Reply #4 on: July 19, 2018, 09:54:22 PM »
Updated with 5 more chapters for y'all to read!!  :D :D

Offline Vikings1428

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Re: My Manga Story!!
« Reply #5 on: July 21, 2018, 02:32:04 PM »
updated with 11 more. hope you guys like it  ;D

Offline suupertramp

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Re: My Manga Story!!
« Reply #6 on: July 22, 2018, 03:32:16 PM »
I read up to chapter 6. it feels very much standard shounen which isn't bad, but it lacks much that makes it unique up to this point. I think a lot of readers will want to see why this is different and not generic, although for a casual reader like myself I will read anything shounen automatically. I think you introduced the characters well and naturally, but I cant remember characters from page to page so I cant tell if the personalities are different or not :P

it looks like for the most part the panel count is low per page which is fine for action. perhaps a little more description of the environment wouldn't go a miss, although this is a manga script, more details are always good, and it'll help the artist to get what you want.

Chapter 6 Page 1 P3 - why is it a secret button? I thought they are in a training facility, surely the button would be on a panel in a normal place. maybe needing an ID card or something if its restricted, but not hidden?

Offline Vikings1428

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Re: My Manga Story!!
« Reply #7 on: July 22, 2018, 03:55:06 PM »
I read up to chapter 6. it feels very much standard shounen which isn't bad, but it lacks much that makes it unique up to this point. I think a lot of readers will want to see why this is different and not generic, although for a casual reader like myself I will read anything shounen automatically. I think you introduced the characters well and naturally, but I cant remember characters from page to page so I cant tell if the personalities are different or not :P

it looks like for the most part the panel count is low per page which is fine for action. perhaps a little more description of the environment wouldn't go a miss, although this is a manga script, more details are always good, and it'll help the artist to get what you want.

Chapter 6 Page 1 P3 - why is it a secret button? I thought they are in a training facility, surely the button would be on a panel in a normal place. maybe needing an ID card or something if its restricted, but not hidden?
Wow you have a point there on the button lol i just wanted to make it embedded into the wall as lol and thanks for the advice on the low panel count which i did but am willing to change up on the discretion of the artist and thanks for reading 😊

Offline suupertramp

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Re: My Manga Story!!
« Reply #8 on: July 22, 2018, 04:04:59 PM »
thats fine!
panel count is a funny thing - some artists can get away with nearly 10 panels on each page, but some barely fit more than 4. the advantage is that more panels can convey either more individual details or make the time flow faster to fit more in each page therefore chapter. but in turn you lose the overall details, such as backgrounds and environments,faces lose the expressions as they are smaller, as well as making it a bit more crowed and complicated to read. the exact opposite is true of lower count pages, great for adding lots of detail to each panel, but page turning is a lot faster, and you need more pages to tell the same story.

do you keep a specific manga in mind for inspiration when splitting the story into panels, or just go with your own experience/intuition?

Offline Vikings1428

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Re: My Manga Story!!
« Reply #9 on: July 22, 2018, 05:28:21 PM »
thats fine!
panel count is a funny thing - some artists can get away with nearly 10 panels on each page, but some barely fit more than 4. the advantage is that more panels can convey either more individual details or make the time flow faster to fit more in each page therefore chapter. but in turn you lose the overall details, such as backgrounds and environments,faces lose the expressions as they are smaller, as well as making it a bit more crowed and complicated to read. the exact opposite is true of lower count pages, great for adding lots of detail to each panel, but page turning is a lot faster, and you need more pages to tell the same story.

do you keep a specific manga in mind for inspiration when splitting the story into panels, or just go with your own experience/intuition?

Yeah i keep dragonball in mind more than anything when thinking about panels and flow of panels

Offline suupertramp

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Re: My Manga Story!!
« Reply #10 on: July 30, 2018, 03:52:02 PM »
cool :P

reead up to ch12

some things I wondered

ch10 p3 "We see someone opening their eyes but through their eyes". - You mean you see them opening their eyes from their point of view?

ch11 PAGE 7
P1 Anastasia uses the knife on the door lock
P2 The door unlocks
Well, that was easy? I was expecting it to be more of an escape the room kinda of feel. was the only problem them getting out of the plastic restraints? felt a tad too easy considering it was meant to be a test.

ch11 page 11
P6 Alex- Yuki, it’s me!(We don’t see him though just his voice)
I can't hear his voice if its a manga, what did you have in mind for this panel?

ch12 page 2
a younger Anastasia at a sniper shooting range with her father standing behind her.
sorry if i missed it, but did her father get introduced already? otherwise how do we know its her father and not some random teammate/guy/instructor?

ch12 page 6 -P4 Ana- Sir, if you’re withholding information that is a criminal offense.
lol

ch12 page 11 p4 "the special effects of the realization of seeing something horrific."
you mean gore censorship?

overall I like the cliffhangers and the pacing is good. I felt the early chapters were a little too slow to get into the main first gritty murder plot, although I don't know what I would have one differently.

Offline ;w; Andou

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Re: My Manga Story!!
« Reply #11 on: July 30, 2018, 04:49:22 PM »
Hey man just about ready to talk about my manga will you be available to talk after this week??
https://waterkahnbeta.wikia.com/wiki/Abilities_and_Powers
I need some writers to help me set this up to be more anime wikia related
https://waterkahnbeta.wikia.com/wiki/Andou_Keitohno
Goals ~ mangaka youtuber and anime cartoonist and a really great job

Offline suupertramp

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Re: My Manga Story!!
« Reply #12 on: July 30, 2018, 05:30:38 PM »
I'm always around here :)

Offline ;w; Andou

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Re: My Manga Story!!
« Reply #13 on: July 30, 2018, 10:19:19 PM »
If u like to help see this

http://forums.mangaraiders.com/index.php/topic,19256.0.html

I swear people just ignore my thread and just go different ones. I hope I can more activities in my thread..
https://waterkahnbeta.wikia.com/wiki/Abilities_and_Powers
I need some writers to help me set this up to be more anime wikia related
https://waterkahnbeta.wikia.com/wiki/Andou_Keitohno
Goals ~ mangaka youtuber and anime cartoonist and a really great job

Offline suupertramp

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Re: My Manga Story!!
« Reply #14 on: July 31, 2018, 02:00:32 AM »
I did have a glance at that topic, it sounded like you already had everyone you needed helping you?

I swear people just ignore my thread and just go different ones. I hope I can more activities in my thread..
please don't feel hurt by this! I've had the same feeling plenty of times in the past.
its just quite quiet here at the moment, so they aren't really going to different threads and ignoring you, they just aren't here lol. Try and be patient :)

It might help if you make it clearer what the purpose of the thread was, since it sounded like you already had like 5 people on board I didn't think you needed help! Don't forget you can use text formatting to make Titles and sections stand out more, otherwise it can be hard for us to know what's going on. we're just amateurs too :P
« Last Edit: July 31, 2018, 02:03:00 AM by suupertramp »