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Author Topic: Code: Sigma The Realization WIP NEED CRITICISM ASAP  (Read 184 times)

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Offline Aeaphie

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Code: Sigma The Realization WIP NEED CRITICISM ASAP
« on: June 02, 2018, 01:02:56 AM »
So I plan on creating an anime that is like No game no life, Tokyo Ghoul, a drama like clannad, and a lil bit of gore. Here's the plot:
Drama, Tragedy, Mystery, Sci-fi, Superpower, Supernatural

Spoiler
People trying to escape their fate. (Anime Trope)

“SEED” are people who became contaminated with the unknown pathogen that edits their genes and for some rare cases- they become monsters that no one could identify yet. Most of the humanity evolved rapidly due to this unknown pathogen but their mortality rate decreases. 3 years later, Children who are born with this disease, gained the power called “SIGMA” and far more superior than SEED. Humanity’s fate has been sealed as the mysterious historians called “Meios” watches over them.
 
In a world full of technology and programs serve as an aid for the next talented soldiers called “Wielder of Servancé”. It is just merely an entertainment for SIGMA- Humans who have enhanced inborn trait for combat that strengthens its power through madness and failures. What future awaits them as they struggle their best to survive in a world full of conflicts.
 
 
The story follows Michaelis, a revolutionary scientist and his trusty rival Erzen whose sole purpose is to prove their worthy in a “New Order” initiated by the Government. As the world changes rapidly due to their efforts, they found a material that will cause another “Conflict” and they fled for their lives as the government chases them. Will Michaelis’ comrades survive in a world full of unusual disasters or perhaps use this for world domination. What will happen to the fate of SEED, SIGMA, and the rest of the humanity as they fight for what they believe is “right”.



I think I'm doing this wrong or not but take a look at my finished piece here
https://drive.google.com/file/d/192Z5P8hFP3gcgG8mKKuqUJx2Yity-pEx/view?usp=sharing
« Last Edit: June 07, 2018, 06:44:35 PM by Aeaphie »
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Offline eldritchmaestro

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Re: Code: Sigma The Realization WIP
« Reply #1 on: June 02, 2018, 06:56:03 AM »
Wait do you want help developing the story or is it already complete?

Offline Aeaphie

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Re: Code: Sigma The Realization NEED CRITICISM ASAP
« Reply #2 on: June 02, 2018, 01:15:09 PM »
Wait do you want help developing the story or is it already complete?

I'm not yet finished with the story because I plan to create more chapters and I'm running out of ideas because no one could give me insights problems or plot holes T.T
« Last Edit: June 06, 2018, 11:06:45 PM by Aeaphie »
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Offline Aeaphie

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Re: Code: Sigma The Realization WIP
« Reply #3 on: June 06, 2018, 08:02:06 PM »
Anyways guys I'm in the middle of the book's sub Climax, Chapter 25. What are your thoughts?
***I'll be updating this later because I have troubles with description so here's a mess up spoiler***
Spoiler
? Chapter 25 ?
Sigil of SIGMA
Introduction of Michaelis Power

“Michaelis you are a free man except if you managed to retaliate the invasion together with my forces.” Before Adaranth unlocks Michaelis’ cell, it let it scanned its finger tips, tongue, and his eyes. Adaranth opened the cell of Michaelis successfully. He then removes his handcuffs as well. “Promise me that you’ll keep my fellow scientists safe.” Michaelis said as he barely stood and Adaranth caught him. To his surprise, Michaelis saw who welcomed him outside the prison. It was his old team back in the days. Adaranth then pushed Michaelis’ back and gave him a smile and a thumbs up.

“It sure is a memorable to fight with you guys again…” Michaelis said as he fixed his sleeves and touched his wrists. “You are right Michaelis. It feels like this is a Déjà vu” Lawrence said as he tapped Michaelis’ shoulder. “Lawrence Porter, Blanch Thornsburgh assist me. Teddy Roseheith, you’re my tanker and your sister, Bell Roseheith, be my support.” Michaelis said as he looked sincerely in front of them. Each one of them became glad due to Michaelis’ good condition. “Blanche, Tell Kiyoe and his squad to protect the Section 5 no matter what” Michaelis ordered her. Without hesitation, Blanche did it.

“So, this is the humans who survived the fate’s moon. They don’t become SEEDs but their child becomes one. That’s why they’re angry.” Michaelis said as he looked through one of the hack video livestreams as the battle brew in Section 9-10.

“I… Einhitcherl Pospíchal, deployed here for the sake of Axis of the Void, humans who take courage to fight the so called powerful SIGMA users, arrest you lot for not involving us in your cure!” He demanded with as he spread his arms wide. The mechanized robots began to move from his back. As well as organized teams of humans who are equipped with advance technology. They wear a different type of Servancé, Automated Madness Modifier, a type of armor and weapon. Large tubes that contains some sort of liquid are inserted into their backs. To prevent one’s weight from them, they have a special robotic spine to aid them. Also, they can insert their hands in the special gauntlets of that armor; It can be used as a sword or a gun.

“WHY ARE THEY HERE!? WHO LEAKED ONE OF MY CANCELLED EXPERIMENTS!?” Michaelis slammed his fists into one of the stoplight poles outside the streets of Section 8. Michaelis’ comrades just stood in their place and watched him; They are worried.
“Michaelis… I never seen him this mad. Is he consumed by his SIGMA?” Blanche said as he looked to Michaelis. “I’m fine… However, we will wipe every last of them. They also have a different type of Servancé. It’s inside their mechanized robots.” Michaelis noticed as they fought one of the mechanized robots. The battle became intense when they are starting to be surrounded by the mechanized robots as they evade its bullets.

“Impossible! An ordinary human manages to survive the alternate reality- our madness in their lifetime during this 20 years!?” Lawrence Porter said in shock. He then kicked one of the mechanized robots. He then used his cane to counter one of its attacks. After that, he used his cane to stop the bullets from the other mechanized robot.

“The reason why I don’t want them to be in this place…” Michaelis spouted coldly as he shoots his dual pistols into the heads of the mechanized robots. It made everyone became more alert. “The reason of your past?...” Bell wondered. “Michaelis’ past…” Teddy said while shielding his allies with his hardened body. “Dr. BeR… Michaelis…” Blanche said as she fought while she is being support by Teddy.

“They are the ones who started the Project: Fate’s Moon” Michaelis said loudly as explosions from mechanized robots. “What!?” It made everyone questioned him.
“We’ll do this quickly despite that we don’t have any information regarding to their equipment” Michaelis said as the numbers of mechanized robots began to increase.

“Since, I created this place together with the Director, Adaranth Sterling, we have the upper advantage.” Michaelis walked casually in front of the leader of the mechanized robot. A Titan Robot named, Centaur.
“I’m going to use my power for my family.”
Ethereal strips and dark energies began to surround Michaelis. Dark and Ghostly Hands began to embrace Michaelis. The sky became red. Everyone witnessed a portion of Michaelis’ madness in his mind vividly in the sky. It terrorized some and instead of them becoming SEEDs, their bodies disintegrate. Also, it seems that the form of their souls- an orb like object vanished.

As the viewer of that event, we can see Michaelis in a strange form. It was neither a SEED or a SIGMA. It is the awakened True Sigma. His both eyes contain the Sigil of Sigma, ?, it was reddish in color. His eye color changed it became partly deep bluish in color and the rest black. It’s a horrifying appearance as if it was the eyes of Madness.  He had an ethereal ghastly cloak that flows to his feet. Half of his hair color became white and his hair grew that falls unto his shoulders. A gold ornament in a shape of box that wraps his neck with carvings from an unknown language can be seen. A black chain can be seen that is attached into the ornament in his neck. In God’s eyes this are just an uncomplete transformation.

“This is my madness… The madness I’ve been fighting for.”
“The man who shaped me. The man who taught me things. The man who fought greatly for his ideals. The man who saved me.”
“My beloved Servancé!”

Michaelis transformed into a being that no one could identify as mere humans. As SIGMA’s we can only see his horrific transformation- A SEED in the body of a man with Godly Appearance. As robots we can only see him as a glitch and it tells us to never touch him.”
“What is this presence!? Is this fear? Is this still Michaelis?”
“What’s even going on here, Michaelis?”
“Michaelis…”
“I need your help… Ever the same, Ever the different… Kill me if I lost my mind…”
“Let’s go”

“I, Einhitcherl Pospíchal, for the first time witnessed a God. Or perhaps a Demon?”
“Don’t allow your fear consumed you! We as human fought for the last 20 years for this day!”
“Let us prove that Humanity can survive anything!”


“Eidos… Munichproxeus… Etherius!” Michaelis shouted as technology around him become distorted. Ethereal energies formed as well. He created ammos out of them. A true display of beauty of otherworldly and Technology combined. He then shot it at the mechanized robots that invading them all over the place.

« Last Edit: June 06, 2018, 11:06:19 PM by Aeaphie »
Be the best of what you can be~