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Author Topic: The Abandoned Elf (Story Concept) by (thewriter197)  (Read 93 times)

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Offline thewriter197

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The Abandoned Elf (Story Concept) by (thewriter197)
« on: May 03, 2018, 11:45:40 PM »
(CREDITS):

--written by thewriter197.
--written for fantasy writing practice.
--this item has been copyrighted for business reasons.
--Contact me on here or by email.




Magical Books and Swords:
The Abandoned Elf


(Chapter 1):

Light, give me the holy light of Ghashia, I am lost and I no longer see the way. Oooh Ancient one of the skies and clouds. Grant me vision to see purpose.

“They abandoned me,” said Zara. Zara, once as member of the Neilian family. She was outcasted because she failed her bow mastery test. The test all elves must past or they are outcasted from the group. Elves are required to past the test at the age of 23. Zara, failed her test. The rain drops on her face as she cry to the gods for a second chance. Pink tears slowly fall down her face. They travel down the left side of her cheek to bottom of her chin. Then, they drip slowly to the front part of her brown and green shoes. She looks up and see rain everywhere. The rain spreads all around the blue grassy meadow for miles. A few trees can be spotted waving violently with the wind. Her purple hair cut in a short bob moves with the wind. Drenched in gallons of water. The elfin make up falls off her face and her little disclosed face appears. Hours go by and the elf stands in the middle of the meadow. “Hey little girl, are you ok? Said a boy. “I am fine, do not bother me,” said Zara. The boy looked at with look for concern. Zara did not want to be attended by strangers. The boy walked away in a different path. Zara wiped the tears off her face and walked a few feet forward. Heart filled with nothing. She lost everything and now she has to move on. She doesn't know how she can do this. She looks in the sky and cries silently. Hoping nobody see her weakness. Feeling weaker then an ant. Looks back down and notice something. She picks up a broken bow. Puts it around her back and starts walking. She does not know where she is going to next. But, she keeps walking in the rain. Faced painted with sadness. She walks slowly and tries to forget. She can’t forget. What will happen to Zara? To be continued……
thewriter197, The freelance writer.

Offline legomaestro

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Re: The Abandoned Elf (Story Concept) by (thewriter197)
« Reply #1 on: May 22, 2018, 05:26:26 AM »
Whoa how do you get kicked out of an entire clan for failing at shooting a bow and arrow? I feel like there needs to be more description there.

Paragraphs for different ideas help the reader so try to keep that in mind in the future. Here:http://forums.mangaraiders.com/index.php/topic,8672.0.html

The colours also seem a bit much? Not sure. Pink tears, blue grass e.t.c I mean Avatar was pretty colourful and worked out but still haha I'm not sure.

Hope Zara finds her way.