July 12, 2020, 10:50:34 PM

------------------------------------------

If you have Login Problems Use the Login in Top Menu Bar


------------------------------------------
If you have a problem registering here, Leave a msg at our FB Page >> Here.

Plz Don't use Hotmail to Register. You might not receive Activation mail. Use Other free mail provider like Gmail or Yahoo.






Author Topic: The Newcomers (Colored Manga)  (Read 244 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline paulinaillustration

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 19
    • View Profile
The Newcomers (Colored Manga)
« on: June 22, 2020, 04:08:27 PM »
Hi guys I am working on a manga in full color. I would appreciate help, opinions and critique. Here are 24 panels from chapter 1 I will post more soon. Please tell me what you think. :)


























Offline Coryn

  • Director of the MR Science Division
  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 20956
  • Gender: Male
  • Secretly a 13 year old girl.
    • View Profile
Re: The Newcomers (Colored Manga)
« Reply #1 on: June 22, 2020, 04:56:22 PM »
Whelp! That's a whole heck of a lot to digest! I'm no artist, so I'll leave that commentary to better minds, but I can rap story. In the case I would say that you've got a lot of explaining ahead of you, lol. But this whole portal thing is crazy abrupt. Usually with something as wild as a serial killer, a gimp, and a skeleton popping out of a portal, you first gotta lay the groundwork for the universe we're looking at. You're jumping right to putting the picture windows in when you haven't even poured the foundation yet. You're lacking the world building right now that gives us a sense for how usual/unusually this kind of thing is, so we the audience aren't sure how to react to it.

Will review stories upon request. My latest arc: http://goo.gl/KYgsfF

Offline NO1SY

  • Resident Slacker
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3003
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
Re: The Newcomers (Colored Manga)
« Reply #2 on: June 22, 2020, 05:42:37 PM »
Story-wise I’m inclined to agree with Coryn. In order to care about the girl getting threatened and grabbed I think you need to let the readers get secure in a slow and easy opening pace first, in which you develop the brother (Maybe he starts imagining what school in the city will be like, and either worries or gets excited about exaggerated rumours he’s heard) and sister (Maybe she is thinking how worried she is for her brother and how much she will miss him, maybe she wants to surprise him by cooking him his favourite food as a farewell meal etc) a bit more. Also maybe develop their relationship as brother and sister a bit further - they appear close, maybe have them chat about their favourite memory as siblings or something. Once all of that work is done, then BAM! Hit them with the trans-dimensional weirdos!

Art-wise I actually kinda like it. The use of softer, pastel-like colours lends to the countryside aesthetic quite well. But then I would make the guys that come out of the portal have very solid colours and sharper line-work so that they really pop and feel like they don’t belong (Their clothing and designs already suggest this). I think you could work on Addis some more shading and texture to materials like clothing and the sacks and stuff, which would help them not look so flat. But otherwise I actually find the minimalistic character faces to be quite pleasant.

Nice work :)

Offline paulinaillustration

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 19
    • View Profile
Re: The Newcomers (Colored Manga)
« Reply #3 on: June 22, 2020, 06:32:10 PM »
Hello guys thank you for the quick reply and feedback.

Coryn :
That's a great point perhaps I should have done an introduction chapter explaining the world that this story will
take place in. You are definitely right if you read this chapter and thought that this was confusing and abrupt then maybe I should have taken more time to show the brother and sister spending time together and then maybe the other side of the portal... but on the other hand I wanted the audience to be suprised and not know about what's behind the portal as this is what the audience will explore as the story progress. For example in Bleach Rukia appears out of nowhere fighting the hollows ,so I am just thinking how can I do it better but still leave the element of surprsie.

No1SY
The brother and sister will be moving out to city together. They were working hard on the rice field  to save money. They are very excited about that move. I think you are right, perhaps I should create way more panels of them spending time together and working hard and discussing their future plans etc...I will bare that in mind and maybe redo this chapter when the art gets better and I figure out the story completely. As for my art this is definitely not close to what I would like it to look like ,I guess it will take time to find the style and improve. The art will probably change a little bit all the time as I haven't  figured out my own style so I am just trying to draw what I see in my head.

I will post again when I create more panels, I am trying to work as quick as possible. Maybe after next few chapters we will be able to figure out a less confusing way of showing my story.

Thanks again! :)

Offline paulinaillustration

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 19
    • View Profile
Re: The Newcomers (Colored Manga)
« Reply #4 on: June 22, 2020, 06:38:52 PM »
Also I see that some of the images have disappeared now. I think thats because when I used the ImgBB I clicked for some of them to disappear after 2 hrs  :glare: :o I did not realise that they would dissapear from here as well. I just don't want them to be kept on the hosting website. Is there any other way I could upload images here? Thanks :)

Offline Coryn

  • Director of the MR Science Division
  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 20956
  • Gender: Male
  • Secretly a 13 year old girl.
    • View Profile
Re: The Newcomers (Colored Manga)
« Reply #5 on: June 22, 2020, 10:05:14 PM »
Personally I think imgur is a great option. They make it pretty easy to get a link which works for the forum.  But any major image hosting site should get you there.

Back to the story, I'm cool with not knowing about the portal stuff, it's more to do with the siblings' world. We the reader don't know if these portals are out of the ordinary or not. We don't know if there's things the siblings would consider normal that we in the real world would not.

To take your example of Bleach, we spend half the first chapter getting introduced to our world. We learn pretty quickly there that the world of Bleach is just like our own, by it showing Ichigo as being the weird one that can see ghosts. This primes us for some supernatural antics, but it still leaves us surprised when a strange woman pops out of the wall

Bleach's first chapter also continues past that until we hit a satisfactory conclusion. The whole premise is set up by the end of chapter 1. Rukia is a soul reaper who has lost her powers. Ichigo is the human who stole them, and must do Rukia's job in her place. Sure, this isn't told to us explicitly until chapter 2, but we are shown it in chapter 1. In retrospect, we realize we were already given the entire plot of the first arc without us even noticing.

Will review stories upon request. My latest arc: http://goo.gl/KYgsfF