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Author Topic: Adventures of Aito  (Read 599 times)

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Offline paulinaillustration

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Adventures of Aito
« on: May 28, 2019, 01:59:14 PM »
First page of prologue for my manga Adventures of Aito


Offline suuper-san

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Re: Adventures of Aito
« Reply #1 on: May 28, 2019, 02:07:26 PM »
nice work so far!
Art: Manga / Fanart / Requests (closed) / Other | Manga Stories: Overdrive / Endlessness
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Offline paulinaillustration

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Re: Adventures of Aito
« Reply #2 on: May 30, 2019, 01:08:25 PM »
 2 page from the prologue - Don't worry guys the actual story won't be sad we just need to get through this introduction  :D :push:


Offline KeanFox

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Re: Adventures of Aito
« Reply #3 on: May 30, 2019, 06:50:45 PM »
What's a story without sad moments  ;D Keep going looks interesting :thumbsup:

Offline suuper-san

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Re: Adventures of Aito
« Reply #4 on: June 01, 2019, 09:38:49 AM »
good to see another page, and nice art style. you might benefit from breaking the longer sentences into shorter ones and add punctuation ie:

"One day in the past he went for a walk with his sister and they got attacked and hurt by criminals"
To
"One day in the past, he went for a walk with his sister. They were attacked and hurt by criminals"

It's a small difference but it makes it easier to read I think.
Art: Manga / Fanart / Requests (closed) / Other | Manga Stories: Overdrive / Endlessness
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Offline paulinaillustration

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Re: Adventures of Aito
« Reply #5 on: June 04, 2019, 05:34:24 PM »
Hi guys page 3 from the prolouge, next one will be the last page from the intro yay!

Thank you KeanFox!

suuper-san just read your reply I will defenitely try that advice next time!


Offline paulinaillustration

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Re: Adventures of Aito
« Reply #6 on: June 12, 2019, 12:57:36 PM »
Final page from the prologue. Enjoy guys!


Offline suuper-san

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Re: Adventures of Aito
« Reply #7 on: June 12, 2019, 03:35:28 PM »
Nice prologue. I have mixed feelings about him stealing the book though, although I understand the reason for it.

Also, not sure exactly what "Aito took one martial art's book" means. You don't have to say "one", you can say "the", or "a", which makes more sense. Maybe "Aito took the school's martial arts book", or "Aito stole a martial arts book".

Hopefully he does well in the tournament :P
Art: Manga / Fanart / Requests (closed) / Other | Manga Stories: Overdrive / Endlessness
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Offline paulinaillustration

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Re: Adventures of Aito
« Reply #8 on: June 12, 2019, 05:44:04 PM »
suuper-san he didn't steal it , the kids were given free books in school i just wanted to higlight that in his poor nation they don't have many books like this so this will be his only source of learning techniques.

Anyway thank you for reading and replaying. It helps a lot :D

Offline paulinaillustration

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Re: Adventures of Aito
« Reply #9 on: June 12, 2019, 05:53:01 PM »
suuper-san Thank you again for giving me advice I don't really have any one to check the mistakes perhaps in the future if I was to ever redraw this story properly with colour or ink I will know what to improve! :)  :thumbsup: :D

Offline suuper-san

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Re: Adventures of Aito
« Reply #10 on: June 13, 2019, 04:05:54 AM »
no problem!
ahhhh, in that case, "Aito took his martial art textbook" might be better. you might have to add a bit more explanation or change the wording, as i didn't make that connection straight away.

wow, you're planning on colouring it? that'll look awesome :P
Art: Manga / Fanart / Requests (closed) / Other | Manga Stories: Overdrive / Endlessness
Other: Tutorials / Craft | Feedback & Critique Welcome!!