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Author Topic: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter  (Read 2078 times)

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Offline legomaestro

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Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
« Reply #30 on: April 11, 2018, 04:23:38 PM »
I think I'm more horrified of the idea of a hair strand in the hands of Frono than in a witch like Mahlua. What are you cooking up there with that plan man?

Chill chapter. Good stuff. I'm surprised Mahlua didn't phasebolt-cook the spam ninjas, but good stuff. Your afro is a dangerous weapon (mine is still bigger, but yeah good trick stuff there man.)

Also - *Spawns smartphone* [Come die you son of an english dub]

Action has improved. You hit and miss sometimes but yeah overall pretty good. Easy to follow everything, and dialogue flows. Like Mahlua, I can also tell you've read the hell out of the canon so kudos there too.

Looking forward to the conclusion!

Offline Fronomenal

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Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
« Reply #31 on: April 11, 2018, 07:34:07 PM »
Thanks Lego. I do feel like with every chapter I'm improving. Unfortunately I sort of took a break and I feel as though my writing is suffering a little bit as a result, but it shouldn't take too long to get the gears turning again.

I admit I still haven't figured out how to properly pace my action scenes. I've been searching for source material to go off of, but I haven't found a good book to use as a reference.

And I'm not really planning anything with the hair strand thing. *Sike* *cough* I'm just collecting hair strands to hang my wall is all.  ;) 

Offline Coryn

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Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
« Reply #32 on: April 11, 2018, 10:51:31 PM »
Suspicious.  :glare:

Hurry up and get the next chapter out Fro. At this rate even my busy self is going to surpass your production levels.

Will review stories upon request. My latest arc: http://goo.gl/KYgsfF

Offline Fronomenal

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Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
« Reply #33 on: April 12, 2018, 08:46:18 PM »
Well my writing process is very slow. A typical first draft for a chapter from me isn't pumped out in one session, but rather over a period of days, sometimes even a week or two if I get lazy.

But excuses are excuses, and I'm no exception. Chapter is being worked on. Should be done by the middle of next week. You can hold me to that.

Offline Coryn

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Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
« Reply #34 on: April 12, 2018, 11:06:50 PM »
Consider yourself held.

Will review stories upon request. My latest arc: http://goo.gl/KYgsfF

Offline legomaestro

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Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
« Reply #35 on: April 15, 2018, 11:44:55 AM »
Will fronomenal manage to beat the deadline? Or will he lose his eternal soul in the depths of the nefarious Science Division's Hell Department?

Coming soon to a thread near you.

Offline Fronomenal

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Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
« Reply #36 on: April 15, 2018, 02:07:49 PM »
*Cues the official anime ending theme for MR Canon stories. Whatever the hell that may be*

Funny enough, the Science Division plays a small part into what I'm planning for the conclusion of this story. But all will be revealed in due time.

Oh yeah,  neglected to mention that Wednesday is what I meant by middle of the week. So if I don't drop anything by that time then yeah... Hell Department it is then.

Offline Coryn

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Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
« Reply #37 on: April 15, 2018, 03:08:34 PM »
Don't go naming my sub-sections such terrifying sounding things. Only I get to do that.

Will review stories upon request. My latest arc: http://goo.gl/KYgsfF

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Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
« Reply #38 on: April 18, 2018, 10:47:11 PM »
Literally just finished the chapter. Spent the last four hours working on it. Unfortunately, it's long and it reads like trash, so gonna have to do some heavy editing. Might even split it into two chapters. Would love to do it now, but I still gotta work out and get enough sleep for work in the morning. Will be posting tomorrow.

Quick note to self. Never thought personal deadlines could increase my productivity. Gotta set more personal deadlines.     

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Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
« Reply #39 on: April 19, 2018, 09:09:58 PM »
Alright. After a long delay, here it is. This chapter is by far the longest and it's dialogue heavy, so be prepared for that. The chapter after this one will be the conclusion of this story, which I'm really looking forward to write. Until then, enjoy chapter 4 everybody!

A New Purpose

     “Mary, what are you-” A young Fronomenal uttered, trembling to the very bone.

     All around him was blackness, only a faint light highlighting his form. His eyes, bulged to the point popping out, were focused solely on the blond haired girl standing a few meters ahead with her back turned towards him. Fro took a step towards her, but the shock that overtook him rendered him unable to take another.

     “Mary!” He called the girl’s name, but no response. He was so overturned with emotion that he felt his voice cracking as he shouted her name. “Mary!” He shouted again, but the result was the same. She simply stood idle, refusing to answer his call.

     The tears in his eyes bubbled and slowly slid down his cheeks. “Mary, what happened to you? Why are you doing this? Why did you turn your back on us!?”

     The flurry of words echoed across the endless black, but still she did not move.

     “Mary, please… ANSWER ME!”

     And to his surprise, she turned around, almost mockingly. Her face was cold and expressionless, and Fro could the feel the sharpness of her blue eyes staring into his soul, stabbing it as if they were blades. She walked towards him, her every step slow and meaningful. As she approached, Fro wanted to move, but couldn’t, as if the fear he felt him froze him in place. Everything he once believed was shattering before his very eyes in the form of the young blond in front of him.

     When she finally reached him she grabbed on his shirt, softly, and pulled him close enough for her lips to grace the tips of his ears. Fro could barely breathe, let alone react. The moment felt so surreal, feeling stuck in state between dream and reality and wasn't sure which was real.

     Yet, when Mary whispered coldly in his ears, for a split second he knew, his entire world had flipped upside down.

     “Don’t worry Seiah, you’re saved now…”

     As she whispered those strange words, Fro eyes were shot with terror as his body slowly disintegrated into tiny pieces, fading away into nothingness.

---

     Fronomenal eyes shot open.

     The lush green of grass he had been laying on danced to gentle breeze of the blowing wind. He found himself staring into the starry night sky. He sighed.

     “That dream again…”

     He sat up and stared off into space. That scene… He tried to erase it from his thoughts, but that haunting image stayed with him, etched deeply not just only in his mind, but in the very fiber of his being.

     “I want to forget it, but… I can’t.”

     The vast field of Bungie seemed endless in it’s expanse, so did the sky. The beauty of the present was right in front of him, and yet all he could do was stare blankly into space, into his past. If he continued to chase after it, he would remain stuck in an endless loop of pain and anguish, and as his vision began to go blurry from staring blankly so hard, he questioned if that was worth it anymore.

     “Oi, Frono!” A familiar voice called out to him. “Long time no see.”

     Fro snapped back to reality upon hearing the voice, but did not bother to turn around to see who it was. He knew it was Lego standing behind him, afro, facemask and all. He grinned.

     “Long time no see indeed, homie.”

     A brief silence, a silence that was common between the two. They both knew what was coming next.

     “Y’know Lego, I know you’re still salty about last time, but you did win our last fight. That wasn’t enough for you?”

     “Ha! Of course not. You think a shallow win like that could make up for what you did to me? And besides, I won, but not the way I wanted to. I admit, I regret not taking you seriously back then.”

     Lego swung his arm to the right and as he did so, a femto katana materialized in his hand. Electricity began to swirl around him as he released a surge of energy that rippled the very space around him.

     “You ready, baldy?”

     Fro slowly rose to his feet, matching Lego’s power surge with a force of energy of his own. Hair tendrils spawned from multiple areas on his back as he stood up. He finally turned around, a confident smile on his face.

     “Yeah I’m ready alright… Ready to whoop yo ass!”

---

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dmVnsFSZSfw
   
      The two raiders laid next to one another in a beaten heap. Scratches and bruises, some ripped clothing here and there, and yet, both seemed to be at ease as they stared into night sky, letting their eyes get lost in the stars. For a world created solely for battle, it was surprisingly serene.

     “Hey Frono,” Lego began, his eyes still fixated on the sky above. “Why did you choose this place for our fight?”

     Fro shrugged. “Just felt like it was appropriate. It’s no mortal combat, but in a way it works.”

     “Went for that Nostalgic feel, eh?”

     “Sort of. The vibe is a little off, but the memories come back all the same.”

     Lego smiled. “Yeah, I hear ya. Sken did put a lot of work in creating this place for us raiders to kill each other. Too bad it never popped off like Mortal Combat.”

     “Didn’t Coryn dropped the ‘Sken’ in his name?”

    “He did, but I still say it out of habit sometimes.”

     Silence, followed by a breeze so chilling that the two raiders felt it in their very bones. It was a silence well understood. Sometimes you just have to take in the atmosphere in a moment like this, and they both knew that. Of course, it had to be broken eventually, especially when there’s questions needed to be asked. And Lego had plenty of questions.

     “Y’know Frono, you never explained why you disappeared for so long.

     Fro gave Lego a half baked smile. “Yeah… I haven't… have I?

     “...”

     “...”

     Lego sat up to look Fro dead in his eyes, not willing to play the silent game with him anymore.

     “Well? What gives man? Spill the beans already!”

     Fro looked over to Lego for a second before looking away in a sort of shame. Now that he thought about it, he never once told anyone at MR about his tragic past. It was mostly due to his introverted nature- No, it was because of his past. The idea of the people he felt close to turning their back on him, was something he couldn’t bear again. It made him paranoid, afraid. Sure he was always friendly with others, but there was a line he refused to let them cross.

     And yet, when it came to MR he had a soft spot. He had gotten close with his fellow raiders more than he would had liked to, and funny enough, it wasn’t until his return that he realized how attached he was to the place. It was a weird feeling to him, but it also made him smile.

     I guess there’s no sense in holding back anymore…

     “I’m looking for someone…” Fro said finally, sitting up.

     “Really?” Lego raised a brow. “Who exactly? A friend? A long lost lover?”

     “You can say it’s an old friend, but-” Fro paused, not really sure how to properly explain his feelings on Mary.

     “But?”

     Fro sighed. “Lets just say, we were homies at one point, things happened which caused us to drift apart, and now I’m searching for her to get some closure.”

     He neglected to mention the whole betrayal part, but hey, telling Lego this much was good progress for him.

     “Ah a she, eh? Long lost lover it is then.”

     “Say that again and I’ll break your neck.” Fro retorted, actually sounding a little bit serious.

     Lego laughed. “Relax man, I’m just messing around. So, how long have you been searching for her?”

     “To be honest  I lost track of the years. It feels like its been ages now.”

     “Do you think she’s still out there, Frono?”

     “I wouldn’t be searching for her if I thought she wasn’t.”

     “Good point.”
 
     Even as Fro said that, there was sliver of doubt nagging at him. Hearing himself talk about it made him feel so foolish. Searching for Mary… What for? Closure? Revenge? At this point in his life was it even worth it anymore? Maybe, he thought, talking to Lego about it could help him figure out the answer.

     “I searched damn near the entire Net for her, Lego. I traveled from city to city, stumbled upon alternate dimensions, and even ended up in outer space somehow, and even after all that, I still haven’t found her. It’s been so long that honestly, I wonder if I should just move on, ya know what I mean?”

     Lego looked away from Fro to gaze upon infinite sky. But he wasn’t just looking at the sky, he was looking far beyond it.

     “I sort of get what you mean. In a way I can relate to those feelings of your.”

     “You can?”

     “Yeah… I remember long ago, I too was questioning my purpose in life. I was the offspring of two alien super beings, a product of greatness programmed to devour planets and conquer the entire universe. And yet, when I set out to accomplish my directive I was met with overwhelming failure, and after a while I just got tired of it all. I was lonely and very depressed. I felt as though I didn’t have a purpose anymore. That’s when I decided to change my life. I decided to start over.”

     Start over…?

     “And that’s when I found the Net and the all awesome things that came with it. I discovered anime and art, and exotic tasting foods and beer. It was all so weird to me at first, but I eventually came to love it all. My life had meaning again, a meaning that wasn’t enforced upon me by my past. And to top it all off, I found MR- friends, friends I can share my newfound passions with. It was then I realized that starting over was the best decision I ever made.”

     Is it even possible for me to do something like that?

     “I’m not sure what exactly happened between you and your friend Frono, or how serious of a falling out you two had, but keep in mind that it’s okay to find something else in your life worth living for. I’m not saying to give up your search entirely, but maybe a temporary change of direction could do you some good.”

     And it was then, Fro remembered what The Observer told him.

     “In the meantime, you should try to find something to distract you from your search. Give yourself a break. Perhaps finding a new purpose in your life will do you some good…”

     “I hate it when that old fart is right sometimes…”

     “Huh? You say something, Frono?”

     Fro grinned. “Don’t mind me dawg, just talking to myself.”

     Fro stood up and stared off into the horizon. His clothes flapped as the night breeze blew across the field. It was refreshing. Everything seemed different to him now, as if the entire world around him had changed. For the first time in years, Fro no longer saw his past, only his future.

     “Hey Lego, thanks. I needed that.”

     “Don’t mention it, baldy. Have you figured what you’re gonna do next?”

     “Naw, not yet. I know now I should move on, but what to move on to is still a mystery to me. But…”  Fro balled up his fist and clenched it as hard as he could. It shook, but this time it wasn’t out of rage, just sheer determination. “I’ll figure it out eventually.”

     “I’m sure you will. In the meantime brush up on your skills, man. It felt like I was fighting a hairy slug!”

     Fro scoffed. “Ha! It only felt like that because I was holding back. I would feel bad if I’d ever went all out against you, furball. Wouldn’t wanna go to net prison for animal cruelty.”

     “Sounds like an excuse for a loss.”

     “That’s because it is.” Fro gave Lego a sly smile and a thumbs up. “See ya around, homie.”

     And with that, Fro vanished, leaving behind his signature hair Strand floating in his place. Lego stood up and stared ahead into the horizon himself, letting a smile escape him. Although he hated to admit it, him and Fro had more in common than just extremely large afros. Still…

     “Mine is still bigger, hehe!”

---

     It was thinking time for the Fronomenal One.

     And what better place to think than an extremely tall MR skyscraper?

     So Fro, with his hand glued to his chin, stuck in a thinking pose that resembled a sophisticated statue, sat on the tallest skyscraper he could find and remained there for hours, motionless, just thinking.

     The initial thought was simple: Now that he knew it was time to move on from his past, his main concern now was to figure out a way he could devote the majority of his time and energy into something more constructive, something that not only could help him, but help others around him as well.

     And of course, the best place to do that was MR after all.

     Now all this may sound simple right? Unfortunately for Fro, it wasn’t, for he was an overthinker, and pretty much every idea he came up with didn’t have the best possible outcome.

     The first idea he thought of was possibly interning for the science division. It would be a nice change of pace for him, and he was pretty sure the unique biology of his hair strands could advance Coryn’s research greatly. The possibility of becoming a test subject turned him off from the thought, however, and the added idea of Coryn barraging him with scientific terms that were more than twenty letters long gave him a headache.

     There was also the idea of starting up his own bar dedicated to serving only orange kool-aid. But he then realized he would probably be the only raider who would even go to a bar like that.

     And there was also that janitor idea, but he had no idea just how many buildings were exactly in MR, and he didn’t have the patience to find out either.

     “C’mon Fro gotta think of something…”

     Unfortunately, every bad idea was accompanied by a long and dreary sigh. As the day flew by, so did his ideas, and not a single one were landing.

     “Think Frono, think.”

     All he wanted was a distraction from his Mary escapades. It sounded selfish, which is why he decided to balance out the selfishness with some good intentioned selflessness. But what? Anything wouldn’t just suffice. It had to been something Fro was good at, an expert in, a profession only he knew how to preach.

     “Hey, Filia! Are you alright?” A voice broke out from below.

     The afro haired thinker had been so deep in thought that he failed to notice the commotion arising on the streets beneath him. Breaking pose, he leaned forward on the skyscraper’s edge and began scanning the area below. The sight was typical- a group of new raiders facing off against a small unit of spam ninjas, and the damsel in the distress seemed to be Filia. He had seen this scenario play out many times, and having been in the situation himself, he knew what the next scene was: The new kids would get a couple lucky strikes in and eventually suffer a defeat, only to be saved by a more experienced member from potential death.

     A very formulaic script, but it was consistent, and this time Fro would play the convenient savior role for a change.

     But there was only one problem…

     “I wonder…”

     Fro was never good at sticking to the script.

     “I wonder how the newbies are holding up nowadays…”

     He watched with curiosity as two members from the raider group stormed up to the awaiting spam ninjas. The newbie on the left, armed with a basic looking sword, swung wildly. Had been it a telegraphed strike, it would’ve split the ninja in two. Unfortunately, his carelessness was met with air, and a swift kick to the face.

     His companion had took up a more personal approach, preferring to fight with his fist rather than a weapon. His attacks were fluid and quick, rapid punches and kicks with enough power to reduce a ninja to pixels. His results matched that of his comrade, though, taking a swift kick in the face as well.

     As the action continued, Fro remained idle, watching the fight with an intense focus only a experienced fighter like himself could muster.

     “They’re attacks look nice, but flashiness don’t win fights.” Fro commented, stroking his chin. “Judging from their footwork, this is most likely their first rodeo, which explains why they’re so focused on playing the aggressor. Spam ninjas are too smart and fast to get done in by careless attacks. If those two wanna win, then they gotta switch to a defensive style and force the ninjas to attack them. That way they can properly recognize the ninjas’ patterns and react accordingly.”

     After seeing another failed attack, Fro shifted his attention to Filia who was being looked after by the third member of the newbs.

     “So they decided to leave one guy behind to look after Filia? A smart strat’ considering the situation. If Filia knew how to fight though, then the third newbie wouldn’t have to worry about playing lookout, and the four of them could all just attack together and really turn the situation in their favor.”

     And then, something landed. An idea.

     “If only Filia… knew how to…”

     If a light-bulb could flash above Fro’s head, it would’ve been bright enough to illuminate the entire sky.

     “Duh!? How come I didn’t think of that earlier!?” Fro exclaimed, jumping to his feet the moment he came to his realization. “I may suck at writing and drawing stickmen, but gawdammit- if there’s one thing I know how to do right it’s punching fools in the mouth!”

     Fro clenched his fist, feeling an excitement welling within him.

     “The new kids at MR have gotten soft and it’s my job to toughen them up!” he proclaimed. “All I gotta do is show them the ropes, teach them proper fundamentals, and help develop them into strong fighters like myself. That way, when the city is faced with a crisis, they’ll be able to fend for themselves, making me look good in the process!”

     Fro pounded his fist into his hips and stuck out his chest proudly. He nodded his head, a confirmation to himself that this was the greatest idea he's ever came up with.

     “Ha! Gawdamiit! I'm a friggin genius!”

     “Can someone help?” a distressed voice called out.”

     “Huh?” Fro questioned as he broke out of his celebratory state.

     “Yeah, we’re really getting our asses handed to us!” a second voice chimed in loudly. “It would be great if someone came and SAVED US already!”

     Their obvious cries for help practically screamed cliche, and as Fro looked down to see the newbs pinned to the ground by a pile of spam ninjas, he remembered he still had a role to play.

     “Right… the script.”

     At the snap of a finger, a pair of hair tendrils, spawned from Fro’s back, quickly shot down and eliminated the spam ninjas in one fell swoop. The two raiders got up the moment they realized their cries were answered, but to their surprise, as they looked up to see where their help had came from they saw nothing. Their mysterious savior had already disappeared, with their only clue being a floating hair strand descending down in front of them.

     “Hey, did you see who helped us?” the swording wielding newbie asked his friend.

     “Nope, didn’t see a thing. Whoever it was though, they were pretty fast, that’s for sure.”

     The two raiders turned around to their third partner and Filia.

     The sword raider spoke. “Hey, what about you guys? Did you see anything?”

     The third raider couldn’t help but shrug as he was just as clueless as his friends. Filia, on the other hand, knew full well that hair strike belonged to Fronomenal. Seeing him coming her to rescue again forced a smile out of her she couldn’t help. Still it’s always more fun to play along.

     “Nope. no clue!” she cheered.

---

     “So,” Coryn began, taking a sip of beer from his glass. “You wanna start a fight club, huh?”

     Fro, annoyed by the fact that he had already explained the idea to Coryn twice already, gulped down his orange kool-aid angrily, and slammed his glass down on the wooden table. Since the MR Pub was usually quieter during the night hours, it was no surprise that the loud noise caught the attention of the other few patrons in the room.

     “No, Coryn. Not ‘fight club’ or ‘fighters club.’ I wanna start a Fighters Division.”

     “I get you’re trying to go for that cool factor Frono, which is why I disagree with the whole ‘Division’ bit. “The MR Fight Club’ has a much better ring to it if you ask me.”

     “No it doesn’t! Are you kidding me? ‘The MR Fighters Division’ sounds way more swag. And plus, I don’t want the name of my Division to be a reference to movie I haven’t even seen yet.”


     Coryn’s eyes blinked from the surprise. “You haven’t seen “Fight Club,’ Fro? That’s surprising to hear considering it’s right up your alley.”

     Fro eyes narrowed. “I don’t have a alley, Coryn. I don’t even have a steady house to stay in.”

     “I’m speaking figuratively, of course.”

     Coryn took another swig of beer before finally deciding to get the conversation back on course.

     “But onto the matter at hand. If I heard you correctly, you said that this ‘Fighters Division’ of yours would be dedicated to training  newer members in a sort of pyramid themed system?”

     “So it’s like this,” Fro began as he summoned a whiteboard and marker in hand via afro magic. He drew on it as he explained. “The basic idea is to take four or five newbies under my wing and train them under a strict, boot camp styled program. Once those newbies reached a certain rank in the division, then those same newbies will gain the right to take in their own set of newbies and train them under the same program. Thus, becoming an endless cycle that descends down like a reversed family tree, which is why I refer to it as a pyramid scheme.”

     “Interesting,” Coryn said as he sat back to ponder on what he had just heard. “Still, that doesn’t explain that sports team bit you sneaked in during your earlier explanation. And what was that you mentioned about integrating some commercial advertising section into the division?”

     Fro broke out into a nervous laugh and rubbed the back of his neck like any suspicious schemer would do. “Oh, I was just shooting random ideas off the top of my head. Forget about that jazz for now, hehe.”

     Coryn was still a little suspicious, but he gave Fro the benefit of the doubt this time. He took another chug of beer and spoke.

     “While your idea has some potential errors in concept, it seems you have have it all thought out, at least.”

     “So you approve?”

     Coryn placed a hand under his chin. “I do, but the part that still confuses me is approaching me about all this. Unless you want me to put in a good word with Hasith- which I'm sure you don't need, I don't see the reasoning.”

     Fro smirked. “Well, since you guys like to jump start new divisions out of the blue, I already know Hasith wouldn't mind a fighters division, so long as it doesn't pull any Mortal Combat level shenanigans. What I need from you Coryn is something only you can provide me with.”

     “Which is?”

     Fro gulped down the rest of his Kool aid in one go and wiped his mouth sloppily. “I’mma need that Gym from you dawg.”

     Coryn’s face went from confused to curious in a instant. “How did you manage to dig that place up?”

     “The shovel helps…”

     “No, seriously Fro. I could've sworn I locked that place-”

     Coryn was interrupted by the sight of Fro twirling a key between his fingers. Upon closer examination, he understood exactly how Fro managed to break in his gym.

     “I’m really gonna have to do a scientific examination on that hair of yours. ”

     “In your dreams, cyborg.” Fro chuckled. “So, you gonna let me have it or what?”
 
     Coryn sighed. He originally used the gym to train back in his earlier days in MR. While it generally wasn’t hard to find since it wasn’t contained in a invisible barrier of any sort, it was located in a rather secluded section in the break area that not too many raiders knew about. It was an ideal place to train in solitude, and as Coryn indulged himself more and more into science, he made a variety of personal modifications to the place, even went as far as to install a secret door that leads into one of the many underground labs in the Science Division.  However, after dying at the hands of Lego, and coming back to life as a cyborg, he lost interest in the gym and locked it away until he found a more beneficial use for it, which he never did.

     “To be honest Fro, I forgotten about that gym long ago. So it would make sense to just hand it over to you since you’ll have a better use for it. Unfortunately, that gym is technically still part of the Science Division, and I don’t lease out property for free.”

     Fro banged on the table with his fist. “Aw c’mon Coryn, are you serious? At this point, damn near the entire city is part of your division! You meaning to tell me that you’re so greedy that you can’t even hand over one lousy gym?”

     “Principles, my friend…”

     Fronomenal leaned back in his chair and sighed heavily. He figured that Coryn was gonna put up a fight, but he at least wished that the cyborg wouldn’t be so stern about it.

     Fro folded his hands under his chin and put on his negotiating face. “Alright… It’s obvious that you have a price, Coryn. Name it.”

     Coryn countered Fro with an intense negotiating face of his own. “Silly Frono, money is not a concern of mine at the moment. Although I'll admit, the mod checks have been looking a little thin lately.”

     In dramatic fashion, Coryn snatched his beer, chugged it down in one gulp, and slammed the glass down as if it was the chess piece that would put Fro in checkmate.

     “What I want is quite simple, really. I want to sponsor your division.”

     Fro’s raised a brow. “I’m sorry?”

     “I’ll give you complete access and ownership of the gym and in return, you and your members will be obligated to beta test and show off any gadgets created by me and my division. Also”, Coryn said, raising a finger. “Should you accept my proposal, you and your students will be subject to partake in any of my personal experiments as well.”

     Fro’s face had gone sullen. “You want us to be your guinea pigs, basically…”

     “A harsh way of putting it, but if that’s how you choose to see it, then so be it.”

     Fro lowered his head in defeat. He should’ve known his nightmares of becoming Coryn’s personal lab rat would eventually come true. Still it wasn’t as bad as he thought. He was sure Coryn wouldn’t use him for something too crazy, and at the end of the day, his sacrifice would be for the greater good. Plus, at least he had a choice in the matter, and having a choice was always better than getting kidnapped against your will. Fro really hated his early days of being kidnapped by higher ranked members for nonsensical shenanigans.

     Fro extended his hand. “Alright Coryn, you got me. It’s a deal.”

     Coryn accepted the handshake, a grin of victory on his face. “Pleasure doing business with ya.” Though I gotta say, you wanting to start a fighter’s division all of a sudden seems really out of blue. Especially considering that you’ve only been back a couple of days. Why, if you don’t mind me asking?”

     “Let’s just say,” Fro began, smiling fondly. “MR has done a lot for me over the years, and I think it’s time for me to return the favor the best way I can.”

     Coryn nodded in approval. “Well, that’s good to hear. I’ll admit, things have been pretty quiet lately, so MR has been slacking in the combat department. Hopefully this training program of yours will keep the new guys on their toes.”

     “Oh trust me, with the regimine I got planned, they’ll be doing more than just keeping up on their toes.”

     “No doubt. In the meantime, I’ll pay the gym a visit and see if there’s any alterations needed to be made. You should get things moving on your end as well. Best to start finding recruits now rather than later. Flyers are your best friend.”

     With that said, Coryn got up from his seat and headed towards the Pub doors. Before leaving out, he turned around to look at Fro.

     “Oh, and Fro…”

     “Yeah?”

     The scientist shot him a smile. “Welcome back.” 

     Fro nodded. Thanks… Coryn.”

     As he watched Coryn exit the pub, Fro leaned back on his chair and holsted his feet on the table. He felt good knowing that he was finally gonna do something positive in his life for a change. Of course, the only problem now was the amount work he had placed on himself. He had to begin considering the little things, such as figuring out a training schedule, and what kind rules he should enforce. Most importantly, he had to think of a design for uniforms, since official uniforms are a must for a division of any kind. Unfortunately, that proved to be a challenge for Fronomenal, for when it came to fashion, he wasn’t the most forwarding.

     “Yeah…” he sighed. “Gonna have to consult with Co on those uniforms…”         



Author comments(Potential Spoilers)

I originally planned to fully write out the rematch between Lego and myself. But then I remembered how stressful it was for me to write our first bout, and decided to cop out. Besides I don't think it may have been necessary this time.

Lego won the fight by the way, in case you guys haven't realize it by now.

Writing Coryn's dialogue was the most concerning for me out of everyone at first. But as I wrote the exchange between our characters it came very natural to me  Pretty sure I didn't get his speech down to a Tee, but it went better than I expected, I feel.

Looks like I gotta do some reaching out for potential candidates. I already have some raiders in mind so hopefully things goes as planned. Looking for at least three newer members to join the ranks, so if any you guys who somehow happen to read this and are interested, feel free to let me know either here or PM.

Also, hopefully Coryn doesn't have too much fun with the doors I left open for him.

Final Chapter coming soon. Stay tuned!   


Offline Coryn

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Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
« Reply #40 on: April 19, 2018, 11:13:58 PM »
Alright, let's get into this bad boy. (I've elected to do a light review. Hope you don't mind.)


- "blonde" not "blond"

- this feels like a final fantasy cutscene

- Oh man, I actually just came across a sick cover of this song as a screamo song. Hardly fits the mood, but good nonetheless. Maybe like 10 minutes earlier.

- you capitalized "nostalgic" in the middle of the sentence. (On purpose?)

- it's still my last name. Don't forget it. *Sunglasses. Explosion*

- Everyone gather in the open field for the feelings jam. Drinks to be served after. (But seriously, I like to think we're all family here. Anything you need. (Alright, real talk over. That music got me feeling though.))

- keep leaving hairs behind like that and you might really go bald buddy. JK jk.

-Had (it not) been it a telegraphed strike,

- if you were sitting on the edge of a skyscraper thinker style, wouldn't jumping to your feet lead to a Willey Coyote style fall?

- Hmmm... that fighters club does sound awfully familiar. Wonder where I might have heard of it before

- And to be fair, I'd definitely hit up your bar if you added black cherry to your offerings

- Never refer to something as a scheme. It makes people feel uncomfortable. Great joke though. And honestly "Fighters Division" does sound rad as hell.

- To be fair, the Science Division only really starts below grade. 2D maps aren't everything.

- You got to get me in as an honorary sensei at least though. My muscles are still fleshy after all (OMG you would not believe what my phone wanted to correct "fle" to. What the f*ck phone). I digress. I bet I could still show the kids a thing or two. Even without fantastic powers.

- They're already subject to the terms and conditions (y'all really  should read those). But it's always nice to have willing volunteers.

- forwarding? Forward thinking perhaps?



Closing thoughts: I think it was actually better without the fight. Sometimes it's much better to show less. Without it the chapter flows much more naturally. Given the conversational nature of the rest of the chapter, it was a very smart decision. Even unindented changes can be for the best after all.

I'm honored you put so much time into thinking about my speech patterns. I hope I don't come off as too stern though. I'm trying to ease up on that and incorporate more of my little colloquisms, but I still like my dry wit, even if it doesn't translate well through text. (Somewhere, someone laughs at the notion that I actually have wit)

And don't worry, I'll only provide the latest training equipment. No deathtraps for the young'uns I promise  :D (those are for the advanced classes)



Over all I really liked this chapter. Felt very good and natural. Maybe it's because I'm doing it recently too, but you got to take time and explore those quiet, mundane moments. They're often more compelling than grand fight scenes, even if they aren't the center of attention.

Can't wait for the conclusion!

Will review stories upon request. My latest arc: http://goo.gl/KYgsfF

Offline legomaestro

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Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
« Reply #41 on: April 20, 2018, 05:25:20 AM »
Chapter read seamlessly, although I think Lego is usually more grumpy than that. Perhaps add more pensieve standing in the wind with his trenchcoat being buffetted by the wind? No? I've seen your hating ways.

That Kool Aid Pub hahahaha. Now that would be something.

The Newbs' do need some training. That Red-Shirting was preposterous. Train them well, Frono.  And best of luck on your quest indeedy.

You said you'd get a chapter done in a set time and you did it. Props man!
« Last Edit: April 20, 2018, 10:21:51 AM by legomaestro »

Offline Coryn

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Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
« Reply #42 on: April 20, 2018, 07:44:33 AM »
Lego you're too much of a good for that. We give you any more pensive looks and it'll open a singularity.

Will review stories upon request. My latest arc: http://goo.gl/KYgsfF

Offline eukocar

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Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
« Reply #43 on: April 20, 2018, 08:14:03 AM »
Closing thoughts: I think it was actually better without the fight. Sometimes it's much better to show less. Without it the chapter flows much more naturally. Given the conversational nature of the rest of the chapter, it was a very smart decision. Even unindented changes can be for the best after all.

i totally agree with this. it was an great chapter to read. an manga raider fight club. where do i sign up!!







Offline Fronomenal

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Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
« Reply #44 on: April 25, 2018, 09:30:51 PM »
@Coryn: Much thanks for the review, Coryn! I'll respond to each of your points accordingly.

Quote
- "blonde" not "blond"

*Facepalms*

Quote
- this feels like a final fantasy cutscene

Now that you mention it, this scene reminds me of the many ffx cutscenes where Tidus is just standing idle and staring off into space having deep internal monologues with himself, and all the while the atmosphere feels extra deep and sentimental, especially if the zanarkand theme is playing in the background. I miss that game.

Quote
- Oh man, I actually just came across a sick cover of this song as a screamo song. Hardly fits the mood, but good nonetheless. Maybe like 10 minutes earlier
.

Screamo Willy Wonka? Not super big into that kinda music, but it sounds interesting

Quote
- you capitalized "nostalgic" in the middle of the sentence. (On purpose?)

Not on purpose. *Facepalms again*

Quote
- it's still my last name. Don't forget it. *Sunglasses. Explosion*

*Dies in explosion*

Quote
- Everyone gather in the open field for the feelings jam. Drinks to be served after. (But seriously, I like to think we're all family here. Anything you need. (Alright, real talk over. That music got me feeling though.

Haha! I was really going for the power of friendship vibe in this one, I’ll admit. Glad you liked the song selection, though.
Quote
- keep leaving hairs behind like that and you might really go bald buddy. JK jk.

Not if you keep a good stack of Bosley, you won't.

Quote
-Had (it not) been it a telegraphed strike,

*More facepalms*

Quote
- if you were sitting on the edge of a skyscraper thinker style, wouldn't jumping to your feet lead to a Willey Coyote style fall?

When I wrote that, I was imagining him jumping to his feet, but still somehow managing to stand on the edge as he stood up. But in the end I think you're right.

Quote
- Hmmm... that fighters club does sound awfully familiar. Wonder where I might have heard of it before

Lol. Obvious reference is obvious. The fighters club thing, or division in this case, was an idea cycling in my head for at least four years now, even before the VN started. Funny thing is was that I originally didn't plan to give it a name, since the original idea, was just my character training newbs to beat Coryn in a bout, but that Canon idea has long been abandoned, and eventually evolved into what you see now.

Quote
- And to be fair, I'd definitely hit up your bar if you added black cherry to your offerings

Omg black cherry is good! I was thinking of adding grape to the menu. Still, orange beats all in the end.

Quote
- Never refer to something as a scheme. It makes people feel uncomfortable. Great joke though. And honestly "Fighters Division" does sound rad as hell.

Noted, and another good point I didn't think about. Fighters Division does sound awesome if I do say so myself. 8)

Quote
- You got to get me in as an honorary sensei at least though. My muscles are still fleshy after all (OMG you would not believe what my phone wanted to correct "fle" to. What the f*ck phone). I digress. I bet I could still show the kids a thing or two. Even without fantastic powers.

Guess coach or teacher could probably work. Come in for a session or two. Lecture the newbies on some basics. Throw in a couple “back in my days” while you're at it. I dig it.

Quote
- They're already subject to the terms and conditions (y'all really  should read those). But it's always nice to have willing volunteers.

Subject to the terms and conditions? They're subject to kidnapping? You're right, we really do gotta read that stuff.

Quote
- forwarding? Forward thinking perhaps?

Forwarding came naturally to me. Feel like I've heard it been used in a similar sense before, but oh well. *Facepalms anyway* 


Quote
Closing thoughts: I think it was actually better without the fight. Sometimes it's much better to show less. Without it the chapter flows much more naturally. Given the conversational nature of the rest of the chapter, it was a very smart decision. Even unindented changes can be for the best after all.

I'm honored you put so much time into thinking about my speech patterns. I hope I don't come off as too stern though. I'm trying to ease up on that and incorporate more of my little colloquisms, but I still like my dry wit, even if it doesn't translate well through text. (Somewhere, someone laughs at the notion that I actually have wit)

And don't worry, I'll only provide the latest training equipment. No deathtraps for the young'uns I promise  :D (those are for the advanced classes)



Over all I really liked this chapter. Felt very good and natural. Maybe it's because I'm doing it recently too, but you got to take time and explore those quiet, mundane moments. They're often more compelling than grand fight scenes, even if they aren't the center of attention.

Can't wait for the conclusion!
This was, by far, my favorite chapter to write, which is why I'm really glad that you liked it as well. I think my best writing shows during those laid back conversational moments in my stories. To touch on your mannerisms, I wanna do my best to make sure that every raider that I incorporate into my canons are properly represented through their actions and their dialogue. I stressed over yours in particular because I know how witty your character can get with the dry humor, and I wasn't sure if I could pull it off, so I decided to keep your dialogue light and not overthink or overdo it. I approach writing other Raiders’ characters this way: Instead of thinking of what would their character say, I thought to myself, what would the Raiders write? Luckily for me, Coryn, you got more than enough material to go off of.

Keeping the fight scene out was a good decision in the end. It wasn't necessary, and the chapter flows much better without it like you said. I'm gonna write that rematch soon, though. And I'll be sure to make it epic. Once I brush up on my skills, of course. Thanks again, Coryn!

@Lego: Sorry man, for the sake of the story, grumpy cat Lego had to show his more personal side. More pensive standing accompanied by epic trenchcoat fluttering in the wind in the future, I promise. ;) Thanks for reading!

@Eukocar: You're actually one of the raiders I had in mind to join, so good timing. Once I'll compile a list of canon related questions, you should be expecting a PM in your inbox soon.