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Author Topic: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter  (Read 114 times)

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Offline Fronomenal

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MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
« on: January 09, 2018, 08:12:12 PM »
Torn by painful memories that tortured his soul...
He drifted about, with nowhere to go....
Oh troubled Drifter, just how long will you roam...
In search of a place that you may call home...


Killing Demons

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1D3G2VGQ_8

An ominous chill crawled down Fronomenal’s spine as he wandered amidst a field of darkness. He hated this
feeling, the feeling of resented shadows creeping up on him. He was accustomed to this presence of errieness, and he hated himself much for it. Visiting the past knowing the mental anguish it caused him had always been his own doing of course.

Why did I come back here…?

The question nagged at him as he peered at the fog covered pitch blackness ahead of him. The fog’s mist was a veil for this realm, but Fronomenal could see right through it’s jagged form. He shifted his attention to the sky above him. It was a darkened red, much like the color of old blood. A sullen look of dread escaped him as he gazed upon it with his dreary brown eyes. He hated how the sky looked. It made him feel sick.

Then again, where else can I go…?

Footprints of his black boots marked a trail on the crusty ground of brown behind him. His short curly afro itched from the murkiness of the chilling air. He scratched at it in an attempt to resolve the issue, but it only led to more bothersome itching that was now nagging at his entire upper body. He unzipped his black, silk jacket and began tugging on his shirt repeatedly, combating the itch with every tug. When the itching had finally subsided, he groaned. He had won a battle, but it wasn’t the one that mattered. A more troublesome battle still raged on- a battle with himself.

Why am I even alive…

Fro’s left hand balled into a fist, trembling with a rage that ate at his very soul. He closed his eyes. The dark world of the physical had vanished in his mind’s eye, and yet he couldn’t escape the darkness that enveloped his own inner world. He stood idle in this self imagined blackness, a faint light outlining his form. As he stood frozen, flashes of black and white imagery scattered around him. The images were a blur, but faces could be seen, smiling faces, and Fro’s face was among them. It was a moment of happiness. A happiness long lost. It was a memory from a past that he wished he could return to, but he knew that reality was now only a foolish fantasy. Those smiles no longer comforted him. They only served to mock him.

I’m never getting that back… Maybe I should just…

“It- its’s y-you!”

Fro snapped back to reality upon hearing the sound of a frightened voice coming from behind him. He turned to see a man trembling a few feet away from him. He was dripping with sweat and his eyes bulged to the point of almost of falling out. However, the most important thing to note was the silver handgun twitching in his right hand. Fro’s attention was set solely on the gun.

“Who are y-”

“Haha!” The terrified man bursted into a nervous laugh that cut off Fro mid sentence. “I-I thought it was just rumors, but it’s true! I can’t believe it… you’re really here!”

Fro shot the man a look of confusion. “Do we know each other?”

“You don’t know me,” The man began, stuttering. “But I sure know a hell of alot about you!”

Fro’s eyes narrowed. He wasn’t sure of how to respond to the man’s suspicious claims.

“You’re him aren’t you?” The Terror of the Dark Net. You’re Frosiah! AREN'T YOU!?”

Fro eyes quickly widened upon hearing that cursed name. He averted his eyes away from the man with a look of shame on his face.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about…”

“Don’t you bull*censored* me! You look a little different now, but I can tell that you’re him. That afro and those killer brown eyes…” The man raised his hand pointing a finger at Fro with a maniacal grin. “YOU’RE REALLY HIM! HAHA! AIN’T NO WAY AROUND IT! YOU’RE FROSIAH!!!”

Fro’s ignored the man’s claims and turned his back on him. “That name is retired homie… That isn’t me anymore.”

Fro slowly walked away from the crazy bastard. Suddenly…

BANG!

The harsh sound halted him. He turned back around and saw the smoking barrel of a pistol aimed at him. His face darkened with annoyance as he glared back at the man who had a sudden look of determination about him.

“Don’t you walk away from me you bastard! I’ve waited years for this moment and I won’t let you ruin this chance!”

“What do you want from me?”

“REVENGE!”

Bang! The man fired off another shot. The bullet flew quickly past Fro, narrowly missing him, but that was on purpose. Fro, however, wasn’t fazed.

“Revenge? For what? I haven't done anything to you. “

“Oh, but you have!” The man screamed with a disturbing raspiness in his voice. He was laughing even harder now, as if he had now lost his mind. “This face doesn’t look familiar to you does it?” Well take it a good look at it! Tell me… WHO DO I LOOK LIKE!?”

Fro scrunched his face as he took a good look at the man. He was an ugly individual with a long face and a blonde bowl cut. Stand out features for sure, but none of them were ringing any bells for Fro.

“C’mon now, think hard on it.” The man pressed. “You know this face. I know you do!”

Fro shook his head in disagreement. “Sorry, I don’t.”

“Playing dumb eh? I see how it is then… Does the name ‘Warhammer Jimmy’ ring any bells for ya?”

“Warhammer…” The name echoes in Fro’s mind. Another image flashed in his head. Again, it was blur, but the bleary image of a towering giant slowly focused into a clear view. It was holding a massive hammer, grinning with murderous intentions. A mess of shaggy blond hair draped over his crimson colored eyes. A monster one would assume, but it was indeed human. When the image faded and the realization finally settled in, Fro’s face lit up with an alarming look of utter shock.

“Oh it’s finally hitting ya now isn’t it?” The man chuckled. “That look on your face says it all.”

“How do you know him?”

“How do I know him? I KNOW HIM BECAUSE HE WAS MY LITTLE BROTHER YOU *censored*HEAD!!!”

“Brother…” Fro whispered. The fact caught him off guard. A sudden feeling of guilt welled up inside of him. He was at a loss for words.

“That’s right! Warhammer Jimmy, once the most feared individual on the Dark Net, was my little brother. He was a monstrous killer, who murdered every and any person who crossed his path. No could stop him. And then you showed up.. And murdered him!”

Fro felt a swelling squeezing at his throat. “I didn’t mean to…”

“BULL*censored*!” The man shouted, firing off another round into the air randomly. “You killed him with no remorse! You didn’t have a single ounce mercy when you did it. I know this because you were exactly him!”

“...What…”

“Oh don’t think I don’t know about your past. Everybody in the Dark Net knows about you. The infamous Dark Frosiah who killed approximately thirty two inhabitants of the Dark Net, who all of which were killers in their own right. You were talk of the town at one point ya know? Everyone was afraid of you, yet so many admired you..And then, one day you vanished. Never to be seen or heard of again.”

Fro wanted to deny the man’s claims, but he couldn’t. The look of disheartment on his face was confirmation of the horrible truth.

“So tell me… How did it feel killing all those people? How did it feel killing my brother? Did you enjoy it? Did you get some sick, twisted pleasure from it?” HUH!? TELL ME!”

“He attacked me… I didn’t want to-”

“My brother was a good kid in real life ya know?” The man’s tone shifted into sadness, as if he was about burst into tears. “He was always wanted to be liked by others, but everyone hated him. He was a loser in real life. No one cared for him and he hated that. He hated that he was different from everyone else, that he was ugly and everyone else wasn’t. He didn’t fit in with the cool kids, and he almost took his own life because of it.”

Tears were now trickling down the man’s cheek as he spoke. Fro watched on in silence, unable to speak.

“And then that’s when he found it. The dark side of the internet. It was all scary to him at first, but he soon realized that it was the perfect place for someone like him. There, he could be someone other than himself. He could be someone new, someone different. Someone that could be feared and respected. He can pay everyone back for how they treated him. He could kill with no consequences, no shame, no regrets. He could be the person he always wanted to be.”


The man was now slowly inching towards Fro, pointing his gun at him, arms shaking with a festering rage.

“And so I watched him enter that portal into this realm that we’re standing in right now. I followed him, hoping I could stop him, but it was too late. He was gone. I wanted to help him, to tell him he didn’t have go down the dark path he was traveling, but I couldn’t reach him. I was the total opposite of my brother and I’ve always hated myself for it! And now that he’s gone I can’t forgive myself. And I won’t forgive you either!”

“Just because your brother was a punk ass who was treated unfairly doesn’t give him the right to kill innocent people!” Fro finally retorted.

“SHUT UP! What gives you right to say something like that!? A heartless murderer like you has no business to speak on right and wrong!”

“Dawg, I’m telling you I didn’t mea-

“You couldn’t possibly understand what my brother went through! What I went through! My brother was the only family I ever had and you took that away from me! DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE!? TO LOSE THE ONLY FAMILY YOU EVER HAD!? DO YA PUNK!? DO YA!?”

Fro’s eyes dilated. Everything around him had frozen. His face went blank and his vision blacked out for just a second.

In the next moment, he snapped.

Fro whipped his right hand forward and shot out a single tendril of hair from his palm that lashed at the man. The man readied his gun to shoot, but soon found it slipping from his grasp as the tendril had now wrapped itself tightly around his neck, strangling him. He clawed at the rope of hair with whatever strength he had, but it was to no avail.

“You think I don’t know what’s it’s like to lose a family…” Fro muttered in a cold voice.

The hair tendril slowly raised itself higher into the air, suspending the man as it did so. With every inch it ascended he could feel all of his strength leaving him. He stared with struggling eyes at the individual getting ready to take his life. “Those eyes…” The man echoed in his head. “Those goddamn eyes!”

“YOU THINK YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE WHO'S LOST A FAMILY!?”

With a hard clench, Fro swung the the tendril downwards, slamming the man on the ground with a loud crash. The man spat out blood upon impact.

“I WAS BETRAYED, MY ENTIRE FAMILY KILLED RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! YOU THINK I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE!?”

A purplish dark energy began to ooze out of Fro’s body. It circled around him, enveloping him in a glowing outline of dark purple.

He swung the tendril upwards only to slam it back down on the ground a second later. Even as he collided with the ground, the man still continued to struggle to free himself from Fro’s grip.

“YOUR BROTHER ATTACKED ME! I DIDN’T WANT TO KILL HIM! I HAD TO DEFEND MYSELF!”

Another slam and another. Fro’s assault was relentless. His eyes beaded with a fiery rage. His veins looked as if going to pop out of his skin. The man could only choke and gasp for air. He was helpless. He was at the mercy of his attacker, who seemed to show no sign of sparing him.

After yet another slam, Fro launched the man way into the air with a forceful thrust. During mid flight, he stops the tendrils momentum, and kept the man suspended in the air. He could see the victim’s arms dangling helplessly at his sides. The man’s face was nearly lifeless, his gasps for breath had been subdued into silent grunts. His end was immediate.

“I didn’t want to kill any of ‘em. I…”

I didn’t know what to do…

Fro’s hand trembled.

“That wasn’t me…”

His grip was slowly loosening. The dark energy emanating from him began to recede. He closed his eyes shut, refusing to accept what had become of him.

I was scared…

“DAMMIT!”

The tendril whipped itself from around the man’s neck counterclockwise, unwrapping and recoiling back into Fro’s palm. The man dropped onto ground as this happened, pressing his hands against his neck, taking deep, exasperated breaths.

Fro was breathing rather heavily himself, trying his best to calm his rage. Opening his eyes, he turned towards his victim, casting him a cold and murderous looking glare.

“Let that be a warning…”

The man sat up and saw the hate burning in his assailant eyes. He pushed himself back with his feet, sliding backwards while whimpering in terror.

“Getcho ass out of here before you’ll end up like yo brother… NOW!”

And with that warning, the man hurled himself up and scurried away, his figure slowly vanishing into the confides of the searing mist.

Fro sighed, once again returning his gaze to the sickening red sky above. He stomach churned at the sight, but he couldn’t look away. His eyes were glued to it, much like his mind was glued to his past. The pain ate at his soul, leaving him with a feeling of emptiness he long wished to fill. But he had grown numb to the pain. That void couldn’t be filled. He knew that. And yet…

“Family, huh…”  The word rang silently in his mind. A faint smile had almost won over him, but his dreary demeanor persisted on.

“Will I ever find that again?”

He wandered.


Fro The Edgelord??? (Killing Demons: Edited)
An ominous chill crawled down Fronomenal’s spine as he wandered amidst a field of darkness. He hated this feeling, the feeling of resented shadows creeping up on him. He was accustomed to this presence of errieness, and he hated himself much for it. Visiting the past knowing the mental anguish it caused him had always been his own doing of course.

Why did I come back here…?

The question nagged at him as he peered at the fog covered pitch blackness ahead of him. The fog’s mist was a veil for this realm, but Fronomenal could see right through it’s jagged form. He shifted his attention to the sky above him. It was a darkened red, much like the color of old blood. A sullen look of dread escaped him as he gazed upon it with his dreary brown eyes. He hated how the sky looked. It made him feel sick.

Then again, where else can I go…?

Footprints of his black boots marked a trail on the crusty ground of brown behind him. His short curly afro itched from the murkiness of the chilling air. He scratched at it in an attempt to resolve the issue, but it only led to more bothersome itching that was now nagging at his entire upper body. He unzipped his black, silk jacket and began tugging on his shirt repeatedly, combating the itch with every tug. When the itching had finally subsided, he groaned. He had won a battle, but it wasn’t the one that mattered. A more troublesome battle still raged on- a battle with himself.

Why am I even alive…

Fro’s left hand balled into a fist, trembling with a rage that ate at his very soul. He closed his eyes. The dark world of the physical had vanished in his mind’s eye, and yet he couldn’t escape the darkness that enveloped his own inner world. He stood idle in this self imagined blackness, a faint light outlining his form. As he stood frozen, flashes of black and white imagery scattered around him. The images were a blur, but faces could be seen, smiling faces, and Fro’s face was among them. It was a moment of happiness. A happiness long lost. It was a memory from a past that he wished he could return to, but he knew that reality was now only a foolish fantasy. Those smiles no longer comforted him. They only served to mock him.

I’m never getting that back… Maybe I should just…

“It- its’s y-you!”

Fro snapped back to reality upon hearing the sound of a frightened voice coming from behind him. He turned to see a man trembling a few feet away from him. He was dripping with sweat and his eyes bulged to the point of almost of falling out. However, the most important thing to note was the silver handgun twitching in his right hand. Fro’s attention was set solely on the gun.

“Who are y-”

“Haha!” The terrified man bursted into a nervous laugh that cut off Fro mid sentence. “I-I thought it was just rumors, but it’s true! I can’t believe it… you’re really here!”
Fro shot the man a look of confusion. “Do we know each other?”
“You don’t know me,” The man began, stuttering. “But I sure know a hell of alot about you!”

Fro’s eyes narrowed. He wasn’t sure of how to respond to the man’s suspicious claims.

“You’re him aren’t you?” The Terror of the Dark Net. You’re Frosiah! AREN'T YOU!?”

Fro eyes quickly widened upon hearing that cursed name. He averted his eyes away from the man with a look of shame on his face.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about…”

“Don’t you bull*censored* me! You look a little different now, but I can tell that you’re him. That afro and those killer brown eyes…” The man raised his hand pointing a finger at Fro with a maniacal grin. “YOU’RE REALLY HIM! HAHA! AIN’T NO WAY AROUND IT! YOU’RE FROSIAH!!!”

Fro’s ignored the man’s claims and turned his back on him. “That name is retired homie… That isn’t me anymore.”

Fro slowly walked away from the crazy bastard. Suddenly…

BANG!

The harsh sound halted him. He turned back around and saw the smoking barrel of a pistol aimed at him. His face darkened with annoyance as he glared back at the man who had a sudden look of determination about him.

“Don’t you walk away from me you bastard! I’ve waited years for this moment and I won’t let you ruin this chance!”

“What do you want from me?”

“REVENGE!”

Bang! The man fired off another shot. The bullet flew quickly past Fro, narrowly missing him, but that was on purpose. Fro, however, wasn’t fazed.

“Revenge? For what? I haven't done anything to you. “

“Oh, but you have!” The man screamed with a disturbing raspiness in his voice. He was laughing even harder now, as if he had now lost his mind. “This face doesn’t look familiar to you does it?” Well take it a good look at it! Tell me… WHO DO I LOOK LIKE!?”

Fro scrunched his face as analyzed the man. He was an ugly individual with a long face and a blonde bowl cut. Stand out features for sure, but none of them were ringing any bells for Fro.

“C’mon now, think hard on it.” The man pressed. “You know this face. I know you do!”
Fro shook his head in disagreement. “Sorry, I don’t.”

“Playing dumb eh? I see how it is then… Does the name ‘Warhammer Jimmy’ ring any bells for ya?”

“Warhammer…” The name echoes in Fro’s mind. Another image flashed in his head. Again, it was blur, but the bleary image of a towering giant slowly focused into a clear view. It was holding a massive hammer, grinning with murderous intentions. A mess of shaggy blond hair draped over his crimson colored eyes. A monster one would assume, but it was indeed human. When the image faded and the realization finally settled in, Fro’s face lit up with an alarming look of utter shock.

“Oh it’s finally hitting ya now isn’t it?” The man chuckled. “That look on your face says it all.”

“How do you know him?”

“How do I know him? I KNOW HIM BECAUSE HE WAS MY LITTLE BROTHER YOU *censored*HEAD!!!”
“Brother…” Fro whispered. The fact caught him off guard. A sudden feeling of guilt welled up inside of him. He was at a loss for words.

“That’s right! Warhammer Jimmy, once the most feared individual on the Dark Net, was my little brother. He was a monstrous killer, who murdered every and any person who crossed his path. No could stop him. And then you showed up.. And murdered him!”

Fro felt a swelling squeezing at his throat. “I didn’t mean to…”

“BULL*censored*!” The man shouted, firing off another round into the air randomly. “You're nothing but a heartless vigilante who killed not only my brother, but countless other murderers on the Dark Net!

Fro wanted to deny the man’s claims, but he couldn’t. The look of disheartment on his face was confirmation of the horrible truth.

“My brother was a good kid on The Net ya know?” The man’s tone shifted into sadness, as if he was about burst into tears. “He was always wanted to be liked by others, but everyone hated him. He was a loser who everyone trolled and bullied. No one cared for him and he hated that. He hated that he was different from everyone else, that he had a good heart and everyone else didn't. He didn’t fit in at all and he almost took his own life because of it.”

Tears were now trickling down the man’s cheek as he spoke. Fro watched on in silence, unable to speak.

“And then that’s when he found it. The dark side of The Net. It was all scary to him at first, but he soon realized that it was the perfect place for someone like him. There, he could be someone other than himself. He could be someone new, someone different. Someone that could be feared and respected. He can pay everyone back for how they treated him. He could kill with no consequences, no shame, no regrets. He could be the person he always wanted to be. Right here... in this bat *censored* world!”

The man was now slowly inching towards Fro, pointing his gun at him, arms shaking with a festering rage.

“I wanted to help him ya know? I wanted to tell that everything was going to get better and that he didn't have to sink so low. But I was too late. He was already long gone. I hated myself for being unable to stop him, but that's okay now. ‘Cause now I can make it up to him by killing you!”

As the man narrowed the gap between two of them, Fro’s sight fell to the ground, reflecting on the sins he had been accused of. The crazy bastard was right. Fro was a murdering vigilante in his past, and his past was something he could never run from. The Warhammer Jimmy incident was the start of it all, and if that had never happened, he possibly would’ve never strayed down such a dark path.

But doesn’t mean that this psychotic person with no sense of morals had a right to judge him. Or did he? Fro clenched his fist at thought of this, angered by his own mixed emotions.

“I get that your pissed about what I did to your brother,” Fro began, sounding as if he was trying to calm himself.

“But if you honestly think that your brother had a right to kill people because he was some punk ass who couldn’t
handle being bullied, then you’re more insane than he was.”

“SHUT UP! What gives you right to say something like that!? The man aggressively swung his arm to the left.” You couldn’t possibly understand what my brother went through! What I went through! My brother was the only family I ever had and you took that away from me! DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE!? TO LOSE A FAMILY THAT YOU LOVED SO DEARLY? DO YA PUNK!? DO YA!?”

Fro’s eyes dilated. Everything around him had frozen. His face went blank and his vision blacked out for just a second. Those smiles were flashing in his head again.

And in the next moment, he snapped.

Fro whipped his right hand forward and shot out a single tendril of hair from his palm that lashed at the man. The man readied his gun to shoot, but soon found it slipping from his grasp as the tendril had now wrapped itself tightly around his neck, strangling him. He clawed at the rope of hair with whatever strength he had, but it was to no avail.

“You think I don’t know what’s it’s like to lose a family…” Fro muttered in a cold voice.

The hair tendril slowly raised itself higher into the air, suspending the man as it did so. With every inch it ascended he could feel all of his strength leaving him. He stared with struggling eyes at the individual getting ready to take his life. “Those eyes…” The man echoed in his head. “Those goddamn eyes!”

“YOU THINK YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE WHO'S LOST A FAMILY!?”


With a hard clench, Fro swung the the tendril downwards, slamming the man on the ground with a loud crash. The man spat out blood upon impact.

“I WAS BETRAYED, MY ENTIRE FAMILY KILLED RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! YOU THINK I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE!?”

A purplish dark energy began to ooze out of Fro’s body. It circled around him, enveloping him in a glowing outline of dark purple.

He swung the tendril upwards only to slam it back down on the ground a second later. Even as he collided with the ground, the man still struggled to free himself from Fro’s grip.

“YOUR BROTHER ATTACKED ME! I DIDN’T WANT TO KILL HIM! I HAD TO DEFEND MYSELF!”

Another slam and another. Fro’s assault was relentless. His eyes beaded with a fiery rage. His veins looked as if going to pop out of his skin. The man could only choke and gasp for air. He was helpless. He was at the mercy of his attacker, who seemed to show no sign of sparing him.

After yet another slam, Fro launched the man way into the air with a forceful thrust. During mid flight, he stops the tendrils momentum, and kept the man suspended in the air. He could see the victim’s arms dangling helplessly at his sides. The man’s face was nearly lifeless, his gasps for breath had been subdued into silent grunts. His end was immediate.

I was scared…

Fro’s hand trembled.

“That wasn’t me…”

His grip was slowly loosening. The dark energy emanating slowly receded. He closed his eyes shut, refusing to accept what had become of him.

I didn’t know what to do…

“DAMMIT!”

The tendril whipped itself from around the man’s neck counterclockwise, unwrapping and recoiling back into Fro’s palm. The man dropped onto ground as this happened, pressing his hands against his neck, taking deep, exasperated breaths.

Fro was breathing rather heavily himself, trying his best to calm his rage. Opening his eyes, he turned towards his victim, casting him a cold and murderous looking glare.

“Let that be a waring…”

The man sat up and saw the hate burning in his assailant eyes. He pushed himself back with his feet, sliding backwards, whimpering in terror.

“Getcho ass out of here before you end up like yo brother… NOW!”

And with that warning, the man hurled himself up and scurried away, his figure slowly vanishing into the confides of the searing mist.

Fro sighed, once again returning his gaze to the sickening red sky above. He stomach churned at the sight, but he couldn’t look away. His eyes were glued to it, much like his mind was glued to his past. The pain ate at his soul, leaving him with a feeling of emptiness he long wished to fill. But he had grown numb to the pain. That void couldn’t be filled. He knew that. And yet…

“Family, huh…”  The word rang silently in his mind. A faint smile had almost won over him, but his dreary demeanor persisted on.

“Will I ever find that again?”

He wandered.
 
 
 
« Last Edit: January 11, 2018, 08:27:05 PM by Fronomenal »

Offline Fronomenal

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Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
« Reply #1 on: January 09, 2018, 08:27:09 PM »
I usually avoid double posting, but I'm double posting anyway. Fight me about it.

Author's comments


Before I start, Frosiah's name is a play on the word "Messiah." Just wanted to get that out of the way.

Reading Mahlua's work inspired me to start this unexpected project, which is why I'm using the MRverse tag that she uses for some of her stories. (Shout outs to her by the way).

This is an attempt to creatively explain my absence from MR. For added context, this take place a year after the epilogue of the "Strand of Truth," which you can read here http://forums.mangaraiders.com/index.php/topic,18808.0.html

I wanted to take a more dark approach with the first chapter. I feel I've somewhat succeeded in writing a very dark and gritty start, but it could've been a lot better I feel.

That's all I have for now. I will somehow figure out a way to add the universe with this piece but I'm still juggling ideas on how to do that. I just don't want this to be simply a backstory. That's what Origins Stories are for.

Let me know what you guys think. Until then, take care!


Offline MahluaandMilk

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Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
« Reply #2 on: January 09, 2018, 09:57:00 PM »
Nice! We now have some inkling into the dark net in the MR canon, although we typically don't separate an "in real life" as opposed to the life in MR. MRverse is an alternate universe in which "irl" doesn't exist, because "irl" is the 'Net itself--although the dark net being a part of something greater, and portals to it in the 'Net still holds water. Basically, you may have incidentally made the dark net a parallel universe to the net that is the reality of MRverse, and I kinda like that idea. Sorry if this comment is confusing.

All you edgelords with tragic pasts and I'm like "lol lighting hit a thing and a human was made. Science rules."
"My manner of thinking, so you say, cannot be approved. Do you suppose I care? A poor fool indeed is he who adopts a manner of thinking for others!"--Marquis de Sade
"A loss of innocence / one hand to wash the other / be a perfectionist / you're nothing if you're just another"--TBM, "Goodnight"
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Offline Coryn

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Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
« Reply #3 on: January 09, 2018, 10:06:46 PM »
Science does rule indeed.

As sarcastic as it may sound, it does get pretty edgelord in that first chapter. Not that there isn't a place for edgelords, but I feel like you belabor the point a little too long? It got to the point where I was thinking "yeah yeah he killed your brother. I figured that out after the first five times you said it." You're kinda running in circles there. So, you could maybe trim some of the fat and get on with it y'know? Both with the brother being killed, and the whole not wanting to do it thing.

Cool hair slams though. I have to say, if this is a sorta origin story explaining your absence, then it would be good to toss in a reason for the absence in the first place. Food for thought.


And yes, the Messiah thing was not lost upon me. Guess we know how you really see yourself.  :sure:

Will review stories upon request. My latest arc: http://goo.gl/KYgsfF

Offline Fronomenal

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Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
« Reply #4 on: January 09, 2018, 11:01:05 PM »
@Mahlua: I was kinda using Lego's origin story as a reference point when I thought about that whole portal thing. Unless I missed I something, Lego arrived from a totally different universe that was not connected to the Net, so I felt could play around with that idea myself. Although perhaps I may have broken a rule there? I'm not sure. To clarify, the dark net I'm writing of exist within the same plane as MRverse, or "The Net" I should say. However it's separated from said Net, and has it's own domain. Kinda like how the dark web works in irl. Thanks for reading though. I appreciate it!

@Coryn: Not gonna lie, I had to google edgelord to understand what you were talking about, and when I read the definition I was like, "oh wow was I really going for that?" Lol it made me feel a little weird I guess.
But onto your point, I do agree that was I dragging the point a little longer than I should have.  I sort of have a habit of getting lost in my own dialogue when I write, and my writing usually suffers from that habit. I was mainly trying to sprinkle important bits of information in my dialogue, all the while trying to remain mysterious and fighting the temptation of just being lazy and just info dump the whole first chapter, which is why the brother guy ended up talking a lot. I'll definitely work on that for sure.

And as for your second point, I will be explaining Fro's absence in the next chapter. The first chapter was intended to be a prologue to serve as a hook, with the following  chapter giving the much needed explanations. But I knew it was going to be too long, and ultimately decided to treat it as a normal first chapter.

And No, I don't see myself that way lol. The name Frosiah is tied into Fronomenal's origin story, which I've put on the back burner for far too long now. Then again, most of my recent avatars have consisted of godly looking afro haired Buddhist monks and a Afro haired Jesus. So maybe I do see myself in such a light? :hmm:

Much thanks like always Coryn. You and Lego are like my Senseis on this forum, so I hold you guys opinions in high regard.

*Respectfully bows*

Offline MahluaandMilk

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Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
« Reply #5 on: January 10, 2018, 12:15:31 AM »
Ah, yeah, that'd explain it. I was kind of rambling, but you cleared up what I was thinking. Lego's origin story I guess got buried and I never exactly got around to reading it either. Whoops. You're good. Nothing's broken! I just blepped in my own MRverse knowledge.
"My manner of thinking, so you say, cannot be approved. Do you suppose I care? A poor fool indeed is he who adopts a manner of thinking for others!"--Marquis de Sade
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Offline Coryn

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Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
« Reply #6 on: January 10, 2018, 07:42:07 AM »
Yeah, I think the important thing to remember with the MRverse is that it's not some sword art thing where it's just a bunch of people logging in to a computer. Parallel universes abound.

Will review stories upon request. My latest arc: http://goo.gl/KYgsfF

Offline Fronomenal

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Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
« Reply #7 on: January 11, 2018, 08:39:01 PM »
Threw in a edited version of the first chapter in the opening post. I followed Coryn's advice and chopped out as much extra dialogue as I could. Hopefully it reads s a bit more smooth now. Also, took out that bit regarding the portal. I kinda felt that part was no longer necessary.

The next chapter should be done and posted by the middle of next week. I've been on a three week streak of completing story chapters during my two off days from work. I look to maintain that momentum.
« Last Edit: January 11, 2018, 08:54:11 PM by Fronomenal »

Offline legomaestro

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Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
« Reply #8 on: January 14, 2018, 05:20:59 PM »
I guess the others pointed out the other technical stuff, I just wish I knew what you invisioned the Dark Net to be like in this MR Verse. I mean, the forum translates as a weird shifting city in the middle of a desert, and ecchi world has its greek multilayered pyramid thing going for it so what would the Dark Net look like? How would one get there? There are spam ninjas on this side of the net, what do bad things look like on the dark net?

I need that dystopic scene described!

Also, for any good wandering story you can take your time introducing things, but take inspiration from Champloo, Trigun and Cowboy Bebop : Sure there are characters who want revenge, but use characters and themes nicely/effectively, in combo with good music and you can make this a tale to remember for sure.

In any case, always love it when people participate in canon. Keep at it man.

Offline Fronomenal

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Re: MRverse: The Return of the Drifter
« Reply #9 on: January 14, 2018, 07:45:37 PM »
Thanks Lego! The dark net is a rather unexplored place in my head, but I do have a basic idea of how I want to portray it eventually. Unfortunately, you won't see much more of it in this story, since it pretty much served its purpose. I'll let Frono's origin story handle that bit when I decide to finally write it (Lord knows how long that'll take to happen).