November 12, 2018, 09:29:57 PM


If you have Login Problems Use the Login in Top Menu Bar

If you have a problem registering here, Leave a msg at our FB Page >> Here.

Plz Don't use Hotmail to Register. You might not receive Activation mail. Use Other free mail provider like Gmail or Yahoo.

Author Topic: Protector Number Thirteen  (Read 304 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Canislupus54

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 77
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
Protector Number Thirteen
« on: November 29, 2017, 10:57:17 PM »
Any feedback on this is welcome

Aldus: Aldus is a fifteen year old Caucasian boy. He has shaggy brown hair. He wears a white button up shirt, a brown vest, and brown pants and shoes. He is six feet tall
Bryce: Bryce is seventeen years old. He resembles Aldus but two inches taller and with shorter hair.
Aria: Aria is ten years old. She has mid-back length brown hair  and wears a knee length brown dress. She is four foot five
Thirteen: Thirteen appears fifteen years old, with a Caucasian complexion. She has shoulder length white hair, pink eyes, and is five foot three. She wears a mid thigh length black dress, mid-calf length black socks, black shoes, and a white hair ribbon.
Robert the Ripper: A large, six foot five, thirty year old man. He has the stubble of a beard and mustache on his face. He wears a black vest lined with white fur inside, white shorts, and black boots. He wields a large, one edged sword.
Aldus’s father: Six foot four. Same haircut and color as Bryce. Broad shouldered. Wears a lab coat.
Chapter 1

Page 1
Three Panels
1.1 A girl resembling Thirteen floats in a tube full of liquid. She is clothed in a white dress as opposed to Thirteen’s black.

1.2 Zoom out to show a young Aldus and his father looking at the girl. They are in a cave. The ceiling has stalactites but the floor is smooth and tiled. A high-tech looking console is in front of the tube.
   Aldus’s father: One day, this girl will protect you and Bryce.
   Aria’s voice(From off panel): Aldus. Aldus! Alduuuus!

1.3 Current Aldus awake in his bed, dressed in a pair of boxers. Aria is shaking him by pushing him with both hands. The room is messy. There are clothes scattered around the floor. A real sword in its sheathe leans against the bed, while a wooden sword lays on the floor.

Page 2
Five Panels
2.1 Aldus looks at Aria. He’s still waking up, so his face is curious.
   Aria: Aldus!

2,2 Aldus smacks Aria’s hands away from him. Aria’s eyes are wide with surprise.

2.3 Aldus scowls at Aria, who is off-panel
   Aldus: Don’t touch me. What is it?

2.4 Aria clutches her hands close to her body in pain, but gives Aldus a cheerful smile.
   Aria: Bryce says it’s time to go hunting. If you’re early, you might even squeeze in some training!

2.5 Aldus springs out of bed, grabbing a shirt as he does so.
   Alus: Crap, I totally overslept!

Page 3
Two panels
3.1 Aldus, now fully clothed and holding a wooden sword, runs out of the house to meet Bryce. Bryce is standing just outside the door with an empty sack slung over his back and a wooden sword at his hip..
   Aldus: I’m here, let’s go get some food and beat each other up!
   Bryce laughs

3.2 Bryce looks at his wristwatch with a friendly smile, showing that he enjoys his brother’s company.
   Bryce: You just made it, we should have time for both.

Page 4
Six Panels
4.1 Bryce sets down the sack, now full of dead rabbits, his hand on the hilt of his sword. He’s in a clearing in the middle of a dense forest.

4.2 Aldus holds his sword ready in front of him

4.3 Close up on Aldus’s eyes, which are narrowed in concentration

4.4 Bryce stands in a relaxed stance with his sword at his side, the tip facing the ground.

4.5 A leaf falls off of a nearby tree.

4.6 The leaf hits the ground.

Page 5
Three Panels
5.1 Aldus launches forward with his sword raised over his head. He shouts in determination
   Aldus: Ha!

5.2 Aldus brings his sword down at Bryce. Bryce parries the blow with little effort, redirecting Aldus’s sword to Aldus’s left.

5.3 Aldus is on one foot, waving his free hand in the air, thrown off balance by Bryce’s parry.

Page 6
Three Panels
6.1 Aldus slams his foot down, recovering from his off balance state and swings his sword horizontally at Bryce.

6.2 Bryce blocks the blow with his sword and punches Aldus in the face.

6.3 Aldus is covering his face with one hand in pain. There’s no blood, however, and it’s clear he’s not seriously hurt. Bryce gently taps Aldus’s forehead with his sword.

Page 7
Five panels
7.1 Bryce is picking up the sack. His head is turned to look at Aldus, who is off panel.
   Bryce: Not bad. A little more practice and you’ll catch up in no time.

7.2 Bryce walks past Aldus, back towards their house, glancing at his watch as he does so.
   Bryce: It’s getting late, we should get home.

7.3 Close up on Aldus, glaring at Bryce’s back.
   Aldus: Geez, to think you’re only two years older than me.

7.4 Aldus runs to catch up to Bryce.

7.5 Aldus and Bryce are walking side by side. Both are smiling warmly.
   Aldus: We have an extra rabbit, right? We should sell it to Old Man Jay.
   Bryce: Haha, if we give Old Man Jay a rabbit every day, he’ll overeat.

Page 8
Four Panels
8.1 Aldus, Bryce, and Aria are seated around their wooden kitchen table. They each have a bowl of stew in front of them, while a pot of stew sits in the middle. Aria is holding her bowl in one hand, eagerly spooning out the stew. Aldus is resting his arm on the table. Bryce is eating with one hand in his lap, sitting perfectly straight.

8.2 Aria looks at Aldus, smiling.
   Aria: Hey, Aldus, want to see a portrait I made of us?

8.3 Close up on Aldus glaring at Aria.
   Aldus: No. Don’t talk to me.

8.4 Aldus stands up and walks towards a door, his room.
   Aldus: I’m going to bed.

Page 9
Five Panels
9.1 Aldus is asleep in bed.

9.2 Aldus hears an explosion outside. His eyes snap wide open.
   SFX: Boom!

9.3 Aldus sits up and looks out the window.

9.4 Out the window, the town is in flames. People are running away from figures wearing black hooded robes, rebel mages.

9.5 One mage shoots fire out of his hands at an elderly couple, incinerating them.
   Elderly couple: AAAAAH!

Page 10
Three Panels
10.1 Bryce bursts into the room, holding a sword in one hand. Aria is right behind him, holding his other hand.

10.2 Bryce is shouting at Aldus.
   Bryce: Aldus, let’s go! Aria’s barrier won’t hold for long!

10.3 Aldus scowls
   Aldus: Can we really trust her? She’s one of them, after all.
   Bryce: Not now, Aldus! Let’s get going!

Page 11
Five Panels
11.1 Aldus stands and grabs a sword.

11.2 Aldus, Bryce, and Aria run out of the house. Three mages are standing in an arc in front of the house, shooting fire at it. An invisible barrier turns the flames away just before contact.

11.3 Close up on the three.
   Bryce: Take Aria and run!
   Aldus: Where?
   Bryce: You know where! The caves! Dad was on Number Thirteen!

11.4 Aldus’s eyes are wide and full of fear. There are tears in his eyes.
   Aldus: What about you?

11.5 Bryce smiles.

Page 12
Five Panels
12.1 Bryce draws his sword and takes off running towards the mage on the far left. Aldus and Aria are running in the opposite direction. Aria is reaching a hand out to Bryce and looking back, but Aldus is dragging her along.

12.2 Bryce stabs the mage in the heart.
   Mage: Gah!

12.3 Arrows of light appear around the other mages and fly towards Bryce.

12.4 Bryce deflects some of the arrows as he runs towards the next mage over. A few of the arrows strike him, however, slowing him down.

12.5 The mages shoot fire at Bryce. He shouts in pain
   Bryce: Ah!

Page 13
Three Panels
13.1 Aldus looks back in horror, tears starting to run down his face. Aria is openly crying hysterically.

13.2 Aldus looks away and keeps running.
   Aldus: There’s nothing we can do. There’s nothing we can do…

13.3 Arrows of light fly at Aldus, but they shatter against a barrier.
   Aldus: Damn it, now I have to rely on the little monster.

Page 14
Three Panels
14.1 Aldus and Aria reach the mouth of a large cave and run inside.

14.2 Aldus and Aria are inside the cave. It is the cave from the opening dream, but the floor is cracked and dirty.
   Aria: What is this place?
   Aldus: Shut up!

14.3 Aldus and Aria reach a console, behind which is a tube of liquid. Thirteen is suspended inside, unconscious.

Page 15

15.1 Aldus presses a button on the console.

15.2 The liquid begins draining out of the tube.

15.3 The tube opens up and Thirteen falls out.

15.4 Thirteen hits the ground, but doesn’t show any sign of waking up

15.5 A shot of the opening of the cave with three mages standing in it.
   Center mage: They went in here!

Page 16
Six panels
16.1 Aldus kneels beside Thirteen, shaking her shoulder in an attempt to wake her up.
   Aldus: Come on, wake up!

16.2 The mages stop several yards away from Aldus.

16.3 The mages float up into the air on platforms of earth. Arrows of light appear in the air around them.

16.4 Aldus is still kneeling besides Thirteen, now he’s holding his head in his hands, desperately trying to remember what Bryce said through the adrenaline.
   Aldus: What number did Bryce say? Wake up, Number Thirteen!
16.5 Close up on one of Thirteen’s eyes, closed.

16.6 Close up on the same eye, open.

Page 17
Three Panels
17.1 The mages point at Aldus and Aria and the arrows fly at Aldus and Aria.

17.2 Thirteen shoves Aldus and Aria behind her.

17.3 Thirteen’s arms blur in front of her and the arrows impact the ground beside her. She’s actually catching every arrow and throwing it aside.

Page 18
Five Panels
18.1 Aldus stares incredulously at Thirteen.
   Aldus(thinking) What? A barrier? No, she’s moving, I just can’t see it.

18.2 Close up on the center mage
   Mage: What the hell? Burn her!

18.3 The mages shoot fire from their hands at Thirteen.

18.4 Thirteen performs a roundhouse kick. The air pressure diverts the flames.

18.5 The air pressure from Thirteen’s kick knocks the mages off their perches.
   Mages: Wah!

Page 19
Four Panels
19.1 Thirteen is suddenly in mid-air, in front of the center mage.

19.2 Thirteen’s hands blur in front of her as she punches the mage over and over again.

19.3 Thirteen delivers a powerful final punch, sending the mage flying away from her, back towards the mouth of the cave.
   SFX: Crack!
   Mage: Agh!

19.4 Thirteen lands in a crouch and examines her hands.

Page 20
Five Panels
20.1 The other two mages glare at Thirteen angrily.
   Mage on the left: Physical enchantments!

20.2 The mages’ bodies start glowing. They launch themselves at Thirteen.

20.3 The mages punch rapidly at Thirteen, but none of their blows connect. Thirteen appears to be standing still with all of their blows missing, but is actually moving just barely out of the way of each one. Convey this with a blur effect around Thirteen.

20.4 Thirteen jumps into the air and kicks both mages in the face by doing the splits.

20.5 Both mages go flying and hit the cave walls.

Page 21
Five Panels
21.1 All three mages stand up.

21.2 Close up on the center mage.
   Center mage: We are not losing to this girl!

21.3 Aldus tosses his sword to Thirteen.
   Aldus: Thirteen, sword!

21.4 Thirteen catches the sword by the hilt.

21.5 Thirteen is suddenly in front of the mage on the left, slashing through his waist and bisecting him.
Page 22
Four Panels
22.1 Thirteen beheads the center mage, whose head still has a shocked look on its face.

22.2 Thirteen stabs the final mage in the heart.

22.3 Thirteen withdraws her sword and kicks the mage up into the air.

22.4 The mage is impaled on a stalactite.

Page 23
Six Panels
23.1 Aldus runs up to Thirteen with Aria.
   Aldus: That was incredible, Thirteen!

23.2 Aldus has a relieved smile on his face. Aria is looking at him curiously, not used to seeing him smile around her.
   Aldus: Thirteen, your job is to get us to Ladleton unharmed!
   Aria: What about Bryce?

23.3 Aldus frowns.
   Aldus: We both know Bryce is gone. Take us to Ladleton, Thirteen.

23.4 Thirteen stares at Aldus silently with a scowl on her face.

23.5 Thirteen’s face is neutral once more.
   Thirteen: Yes, Master Aldus.

23.6 Thirteen, Aldus, and Aria, run out of the cave.

Page 24
One Panel
24.1 A shot of Robert the Ripper standing over the mouth of the cave, his massive sword resting on his shoulder. He has a massive grin on his face.
Chapter 2

Page 1
Four Panels
1.1 Thirteen, Aldus, and Aria are walking through the dense forest. Aria’s eyes are half closed and her head is lowered

1.2 Close up on Aria. Her eyes are closed and her head is completely lowered.

1.3 Aria tugs on Aldus’s sleeve.
   Aria: Aldus… I’m tired…

1.4 Close up on Aldus, who turns on Aria with an intense glare.
   Aldus: Keep up. I’m only keeping you around for Bryce.

Page 2
Five Panels
2.1 Aria bursts out crying. Tears stream down her face.
   Aria: Aldus, you’re always so mean to me!

2.2 Aria collapses face down on the ground.

2.3 Close up on Thirteen. Her eyes are widened slightly in concern.

2.4 Close up on Aldus. His expression has softened, though it doesn’t quite look concerned.
   Aldus: Thirteen, we’re stopping for the night.

2.5 Close up on Thirteen, whose face has resumed neutrality.
   Thirteen: Yes, Master Aldus.

Page 3
Five panels
3.1 Thirteen is crouching and gently depositing some firewood on the ground.

3.2 Aldus smashed some rocks together to create a spark. The wood lights on fire.

3.3 Aldus and Thirteen sit silently on opposite sides of the fire. Aria is lying next to it, behind it from the readers’ perspectives.

3.4  Close up on Aria, showing that she has been repositioned. She is now lying on her back and sleeping peacefully.

3.5 Back to 3.3’s perspective.
   Aldus: So, Thirteen, it’s been a while.
   Thirteen: This is the first time we have met, Master Aldus.

Page 4
Four Panels
4.1 Close up on Aldus looking quizzical.
   Aldus: I could have sworn my dad introduced us…

4.2 Close up on Thirteen from the side. Her face is neutral.
   Thirteen: You are most likely referring to one of my predecessors. I was never activated until tonight.

4.3 Shot from behind Thirteen, over her shoulder, looking at Aldus.
   Aldus: So you only recognize me because Dad programmed you too.
   Thirteen: Correct. Professor Dash was very thorough.

4.4 Close up of Aldus, staring at the sky wistfully.
   Aldus: Alchemy can do some amazing things, huh? Makes me wonder why mages even bother with magic…

Page 5
Five Panels
5.1 Close up of Thirteen at a three-quarters view. She is silent.

5.2 Close up on Aldus, scratching the back of his head.
   Aldus: Er, you were supposed to respond.

5.3 Back to 5.1’s view.
   Thirteen: I can only speak when addressed directly by you or Mistress Aria. I believed your statement to be rhetorical.

5.4 Aldus looks intrigued, with wide eyes and cupping his chin with one hand.
   Aldus: So you have to serve the little monster too. That’s too bad. So, what exactly do you do. Short version please.

5.5 Back to 3.3’s view, except Aldus is leaning forward and shouting.
   Thirteen: By default I will protect you and Mistress Aria with my life. Beyond that, I will do anything you or Mistress Aria command. Tasks I am programmed to do include playing games, housekeeping, performing, singing, dancing, bedwarming--
   Aldus: B-bedwarming!?

Page 6
Four Panels
6.1 Back to 5.1’s view.
   Thirteen: Yes, I am versed in two hundred fifty techniques for pleasing men.

6.2 Close up on Aldus, blushing and holding his hands out in front of him.
   Aldus: What was Dad thinking? I won’t make you do that!

6.3 Aldus and Thirteen stare silently at each other.

6.4 A twig snaps off panel. Thirteen, who is standing now, and Aldus look in the direction it came from, right at the camera.

Page 7
Two Panels
7.1 Full body frontal shot of Robert the Ripper stepping out of the shadows. He’s grinning. His sword is sheathed at his hip.
   Robert: Stealth was never my strong suit. Whatever, come at me!

7.2 Thirteen and Aldus stare blankly at Robert.
   Aldus: Who even are you?

Page 8
Four Panels
8.1 Robert’s jaw is wide open, he has blank white eyes.
   Robert: You don’t know me!? But I’m a famous mercenary!

8.2 Robert has recovered. He now has a smug grin with his arms crossed over his chest.
   Robert: I’m a mercenary hired by the mages to clean up the stragglers. I’ve slaughtered hundreds over my career! As long as it can move, it’s fair game!

8.3 Robert strikes a dramatic pose, flexing his biceps.
   RoberT: I’m Robert the Ripper! I’ll show you why they call me the Ultimate Mercenary!

8.4 Robert calms down, he has his fist in front of his mouth as he clears his throat.
   Robert: Ahem. I’d like to fight the white-haired girl now.

Page 9
Three Panels
9.1 Aldus is standing and looking at the ground with his eyes in shadow.
   Aldus: So, you, or your squad, you killed anyone the mages missed?

9.2 Robert strokes his chin.
   Robert: That’s what that means, yes.

9.3 Aldus’ head whips up to look at the camera(Robert). His eyes are wide with rage.
   Aldus: Forget about Thirteen, then! I’ll take you on!

Page 10
Six Panels
10.1 Robert throws his head back and laughs.
   Robert: HAHAHAHAHA!

10.2 Close up on Robert’s smugly grinning face.
   Robert: The little boy who ran away is going to fight the Ultimate Mercenary?

10.3 Aldus draws his sword.
   Aldus: Thirteen, stay back. I have to do this!

10.4 Aldus charges forward at Robert.

10.5 Aldus stabs at Robert’s stomach.

10.6 Robert moves out of the way of Aldus’ stab.

Page 11
Four Panels
11.1 Robert punches Aldus in the side of the head.

11.2 Aldus falls over and rolls a few feet away from Robert.

11.3 Robert kicks Aldus up into the air.

11.4 Robert punches Aldus in midair.

Page 12
Three Panels
12.1 Aldus goes flying and hits a tree.

12.2 Aldus falls to the ground on his face.

12.3 Aldus stands up, though he’s bent over in pain.
   Aldus: Not yet!

Page 13
Four Panels
13.1 Aldus charges at Robert.

13.2 Aldus slashes horizontally at Robert.

13.3 Robert draws his sword and parries the blow.

13.4 Robert knees Aldus in the stomach.

Page 14
Five Panels
14.1 Close up on Aria, her eyes closed.

14.2 Aria’s eyes are half open.

14.3 Aria’s eyes open and she sits up.

14.4 Shot from behind Aria, over her head, with Robert kneeing Aldus in the background.
   Aria: Thirteen, save Aldus!

14.5 Close up on Thirteen in profile.
   Thirteen: I cannot. Aldus ordered me to stay back, and his orders take precedence.

Page 15
Four Panels
15.1 Aria stands up and holds out her hands, she has a determined scowl on her face

15.2 An arrow of light appears in front of Aria’s hands.

15.3 Shot from behind Aria at an angle. The arrow flies at Robert.

15.4 Robert casually deflects the arrow. Aldus is in front of him, struggling to stay standing.

Page 16
Three Panels
16.1 Frontal shot of Robert. His head is turned to the side to address Aria.
   Robert: Sorry, baby mage. I’ll get to you once I’m done teaching this guy a lesson…

16.2 Close up of Robert grinning maniacally
   Robert:...In how painful death can be!

16.3 Shot from behind Aldus. Robert slashes horizontally at Aldus. Aldus leaps backwards but gets a cut on his stomach. Blood splatters in an arc.

Page 17
Four Panels
17.1 From behind Aldus. Aldus is kneeling on the ground. Robert looms over him with his sword resting on his shoulder.
   Robert: Not bad reflexes. But that cut will cripple you.

17.2 Same perspective as 17.1. Robert raises his sword high in the air for the finishing blow.
   Aldus: Thirteen, save me!

17.3 Close up on Robert’s sword swinging down.

17.4 Side view. Thirteen stands in in between Robert and Aldus, having caught Robert’s sword one handed. Aria is running up to Aldus in the background
   Robert: No way!

Page 18
Three Panels
18.1 Same perspective as 17.4. Thirteen hold the sword out behind her, having wrenched it out of Robert’s hand. Aria is kneeling beside Aldus with her hands on his stomach. Her hands are glowing.

18.2 Close up of Thirteen holding the sword by the hilt and examining it.

18.3 The sword’s blade turns pure silver and starts glowing.

Page 19
Four Panels
19.1 From behind Thirteen.  Thirteen points the glowing sword at Robert.
   Robert: What the…?

19.2 Shot from a three quarters view of Thirteen from the front. Thirteen has dashed past Robert and cut off his arm, which is still falling.
   Robert: AGH!

19.3 Thirteen grabs Robert by the vest.

19.4 Thirteen throws Robert through several trees.
   Robert: Wah!

Page 20
Four Panels
20.1 Side view. Robert is slumped against a tree with Thirteen standing over him, her sword ready.

20.2 Close up on Robert.
   Robert: No, please! I’ll give up the trade, just don’t kill me!

20.3 Shot from in front of Thirteen, looking over her shoulder at Aldus, who is now standing. Aria is standing next to him.
   Aldus: Thirteen, don’t kill him.

20.4 Close up on Aldus, scowling.
   Aldus: Let him bleed out.

Page 21
Five Panels
21.1 Side view. Thirteen stabs the sword into the ground next to her.
   Thirteen: Yes, Master Aldus.

21.2 Thirteen walks away from Robert.

21.3 Thirteen walks up to Aldus and Aria
   Aldus: Let’s go.

21.4 Frontal shot of Robert, who has tears running down his face.
   Robert: Wait! Heal me! Don’t leave me like this!

21.5 Aldus, Aria, and Thirteen walk away into the shadows of the forest.

Page 22
One Panel
22.1 Shot of the night sky with the moon prominent.