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Author Topic: Fate from Zero!  (Read 452 times)

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Offline Lewd Cat

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Fate from Zero!
« on: November 22, 2017, 01:31:02 AM »
Fate from Zero
Genre: Drama, Psychological, Sci-fi, Action, Mystery, School life, Game, tragedy
A lonely young boy Theremin suffered a unique trait. Children at his age becomes scared at him even if doesn't do something. Also her sister, Sylvia is defective as well; She can't show any expressions. Instead, she draws emoticons to show her feelings. The siblings struggled through life by using their great intellect. However, what keeps them being sane was playing chess.

? Prologue ?

Let me tell you a boring and endless tale what we call “Life”. Everyone is filled with disrupted mentality. The strong devours the weak, Don’t you think it is strange? All of this bad things happened, you wished that you never experienced it. However, what if you can change what you are?

No one knows when it was first happened. A strange phenomenon that appears suddenly in the form of blood moon. It was the “Fate’s Moon”. Our hidden desires becomes a reality but it is different; What’s inside you will shape your entire life.

It was a dark place as if they were in an opera. A spotlight that emphasizes the 2 young boys playing chess. The chess board and its pieces were crafted magnificently; it was the art of chess set made from the finest gold and diamond. Everything was silent except the breathing of the audience highly focused in watching them. They were covered with masks to prevent any unnecessary noises.

“Hey... Are you being serious right now?” said by the man with black hair at the top that slightly becomes magenta at the tips. He smirked and looked down by letting a cold gaze to the opponent in front of him. He then moved his fingers and took the knight to F6.

“Y-you are bluffing! I’m not gonna fall for your traps!” The man with black hair felt something that made his body tremble. He took his time to decide on what he will move next as he looked into his opponent's eye-It was mainly bluish with partial turquoise iris. It was hollow as if you’re seeing yourself drowning.

“How boring. I’ll grant you another move to attack me.” The magenta haired boy tried to cover half of his face with his hand and felt disdain by nodding his head sideways.

“Don’t ever regret that you’ve made that decision.” The black haired man became full of himself and boldly went straight to corner his opponent’s king. “Yes. Because our lives is in the line here.” He replied and he thought what he would next.

“Your life. It is like a game. I can crush it easily.” He moved his knight resulting into uncovering all the blindspots that’s been waiting to assassinate the opponent’s king. “W-what.. Impossible! I have the advantage... b-but why did this happen!?” He was upset and violently washed away the chess board into the floor. He fell unto his knees while his body can’t stop trembling.

“Blame yourself for being weak… But you can still improve.” He moved towards him and touched his chin to look directly to his sincere eye and helped him to stand up. “As for our bet… Your eyes are beautiful. It is lovely... Do you mind if I take it?” He said as he touch gently and softly his opponent’s face.

The black haired man tried to pathetically ran away from him but he was punched and his collar was being held tightly. “You should feel honored. This will become your strength. I am just helping you.” He said as he gouged out one of the eyes of his opponent. He scrambled the insides of the eye and took it clean without the nerves.
Blood was splattered in the floor as he tried to stop the bleeding by covering his eye with his hand. Also, He cried as if he begs for mercy while bearing the pain. The winner showed no empathy towards his opponent. Instead, he became curious and examined the eye in his hand. “I wonder what this tastes like? It has a nice smell after all.” The audience became glad and stood from their seats due to unexpected turn of events and they started to applaud the winner’s actions.

Chapter 1
? Chapter I ?

A scene where every parent could be overwhelmed with joy. There was a woman lying on her bed; Her name was Catherine. It is clearly seen in her face that she had been longing for this experience while holding her first child. As she waited for her husband- Michaelis to come, she reminiscence about their love in that night. It was a lewd thought and she giggled. Her deep black with violet shaded braided hair became loose.
“What a cute baby! It is like a cherry!” A man said with red hair in a man bun came while looking into the baby’s face and noticed its natural magenta colored hair. Full of excitement, he held the baby into his arms.
“Name… Name… Name…”
“Wait- He’s a boy right? Hmnn...”
Michaelis thought while making different facial expressions and it made the baby smiled. “Let’s try to combine our names with cherry. Catherine… Michaelis… Cherry…” “Cherine! How about that?” Catherine insisted with a thumbs up. “Hmmm… not bad but umm.. Chae!” Michaelis looked eagerly as if his reaction is based from other anime. “Cake? Because his hair is like a cherry and his skin is the icing because it is pale as snow? Or is it just letter K?” Catherine tried to pronounce it as she touch her soft lips with her finger.
“Then let’s name him... Theremin!”
It was a lazy afternoon when a young boy in his uniform went to their home. He gently took his shoes off and left it in the shoe rack properly. He caught a glimpse of his father, he then walked towards him whilst looking in the ground.
“What’s wrong Theremin? Being in school for the first time is good right?” Michaelis chuckled while holding some sort of lab test tubes.
“Uhm. Dad? Why I don’t have friends?”
“You don’t have friends? Why?
“When I get closer to them they go away…”
“Seriously? Well, Don’t worry about it.” Michaelis was surprised. He then grabbed the young boy’s wrist and went to a room. It is a simple yet quietly wide room but everything are messy, full of crumpled papers scattered around, leaking chemicals from their tubes and some sort of explanations in the board. He then looked for something.
“Uhm… Er…. Oh! Then play this Theremin! This is called chess.”
“Cheese? Chis? Chess?”
“It would be challenging if I don’t explain how it works.”
It was the day the Theremin began to developed his newfound hobby by playing chess. Although, his strange presence continued to bother people closely or the same age as him. Day after day, he wondered what’s wrong with him but he never found the answer.
“After a year it is still the same. In the end I didn’t have any friends…” Theremin thought as he handed out a bunch of his exam results.
“Woah! Theremin you could do this this!”
“Theremin your mother is proud! Keep it up!”
“I’m happy that I heard those words. But something is bothering me. What is this feeling?”
Unexpectedly, Theremin possessed a great intellect. He was able to score perfectly all of his exams. However, he could not understand how we was able to do it. In a small and cute nursery room in <name> school. It was a free time for everyone to do their things.  A young boy sitting at the back of the classroom is silent and just staring at the chess board. 
“That child… It’s almost been a year. He’s always like that. He’s something-” The teacher observed the quiet and lonely child.
“Hey, let’s stay away from here. He’s creeping me out.”
“Yep! Yep! Yep! Run away from him!”
“Wah! Let’s play!”
The group’s leader had a smug face on him. While his other friends insists on playing without the quiet and lonely child. After this unsightly event, 2 of the teachers began converse.
“So horrible, all those kids never wanted to be with that boy. What was his name again?”
“Theremin... His grades may be good but it’s like he’s having a hard time with socializing.”
“I know that we never lack something when we teach those kids but I wonder what’s wrong with him.”
“When we talk to him, he talks like he’s an adult. Pretty interesting!”
“All kids at this stage starts to explore everything right?”
“It does not apply to him. He kept on staring at the chess board and its pieces.”
“He’s a weird boy right?”
“Yes but he will become something interesting in the future.”
“What do you mean?”
“Someday… I sense something from him. He had the potential to become that.”
“Ah… That… It may be possible but-”
“Right now... We should watch him firmly and warmly.”
It was a lazy afternoon when young Theremin got home. It was seemingly quiet but he was not frightened. Instead he was baffled when there are two silhouettes coming towards him. As they come towards him, Theremin changed his stance into offensive mode.
“The-Re-Min!” Catherine charged into Theremin and tightly embraced him out of joy.
“You are a big brother now!” Michaelis stated as he hold the baby.
“Be gentle with her.” Catherine whispered to Theremin’s ear. It was lewd whisper and her gentle breath made theremin felt an awkward feeling.
“Gentle? What are you saying Catherine?”
“Oh! Don’t mind it! Nevermind! Just forget it! Jeez. Michaelis you are a meanie!” Catherine waved her hands as she stopped embracing Theremin.
“Eh? It’s my my fault?”
“Father she’s crying.” Theremin dropped his bag and his tone changed.
“Oh! Here, Here, Here don’t cry anymore.”
“Her name is Sylvia.”
“Can I carry her?” Theremin insisted as he walk closer to the baby.
“Here. Wait-”
“She’s crying even more...”
Both of Theremin’s parents went silent and the cries of the baby echoed in the room. The more they distanced the baby, it started to calm down. They were baffled on what they should do in that situation until-
“Papa?… Mama?… What am I? I never did something bad. Am I unapproachable? Can you tell me? Am I a human? I cannot understand! Even if I did something good for them, they still stay away from me! I’m so jealous! What is friendship? Do I need that? But what is this feeling? I don't understand it at all! It hurts me so much! This makes me sad! Why does it have to be me? Tell me!” Without hesitation Michaelis quickly embraced Theremin tightly. It can be clearly seen in his face that he understands Theremin completely.
“Theremin. It’s fine. You can lean on us. So, tough it out. We’re always here for you.” Michaelis made his heart crumble and it reminded him of that day.
“Sorry Theremin we can't do something about that but you have to watch over your sister from now on.” Catherine could not even bat her eye directly to Theremin. She could not bear to see that face.
After 3 years of struggling to raise properly their kids. Somehow, they managed to make them into a healthy children with good personality. Theremin and sister shares a white room, full of simple designs and furnitures. Everything were organized very well and ¼ of the room was covered with books.  Sylvia was quite, busy doing some sort and there are many clean papers surround her.
“I’m 7 years old at last! But everything is boring, I can do it with ease but- SN… Why are quite always?” Theremin asked as he play the chess on his own in a relaxed position. Unfortunately, he got no response. “In the end no one wants me... What is she doing?”  SN crawled towards Theremin. “Nii… Let's play!” She said but her face is void of emotions. Instead, she showed a happy emoticon with sparkles in a paper she drew. She had a very long white hair at the top and slightly becomes light purple at the tips.
“For the first time she talk!” Theremin became glad as he stopped playing and looked closer towards her sister. Her sister’s eyes had red and violet iris. He then touched her sister, it was his first time to do it.
A gloomy mood in the living room, where Catherine and Michaelis contemplate about their relationship and to their children.
“Catherine… Is there something wrong with us?”
“Don't bother it Michaelis. It is not like we are not blessed or something.”
“But our children. They are-”
“Don't ever say it! They are our lovely children. They deserved to be loved whatever happens to them!”
As a scientist, Michaelis had doubts to do it. However as a father he had no choice but to continually support them. He reached his conclusion as he went to his children’s room. Only to find out that they are slowly becoming comfortable with each other.
“Theremin? Sylvia? Do you want to play chess with me?” Both of them was quiet and took their time to answer and nodded.
“Alright! I want you to pair up and defeat me.”
“Eh!? How can we-”
“Just think of this game as a way of communication.”
“Yes, a communication that only pure hearts could understand each other.”
“Sylvia, I know you already know this. You and Theremin are connected to each other.”
“C... Connected?”
“You’ll know soon. Then let’s begin!”
“Hey what are you doing? I want B1-C3.”
“Uh Geez… This will gonna take some time.”
“It hurts me that I really have to do it as a scientist. I don’t want to see again that scene from the past.” Michaelis thought in his head. Few minutes passed by, He stared intently into his children but he was overwhelmed that there is still a chance.
“W-we lost?”
“I did everything but-”
“Calm down lil’ kids. It is true you lost but did you noticed some change?”
“You are right Papa… I feel better. It’s like my heart is being warmed by my sister.”
“Theremin big brother…”
“Well you can’t beat me even if both of you grow older.”
“Eh? It is promise that I will beat you!”
“Papa… I’ll definitely crush both of you someday…”
Michaelis  scrub their heads and let a bright smile. Promises and trust was formed as well as problems. Thus, the beginning of passion and regrets began.
 “Only myself knows what is inside of them…” Michaelis murmured.

Chapter 2
? Chapter II ?

“Ah~ time pass by easily. The wounds… The pain we received, it felt like it would last forever. Thinking about it from the past, it feels like it was yesterday.” He runned his fingers through his hair but he can’t fix his long cowlick. He was comfortable sitting by lying his back in the tree while reading a book.
“Yosh! I’ve fixed it!”
He closed his book and stood up but his phone vibrated in his pocket. “Hm… A phone call?  Today was March 1st... *censored*!-” He answered the phone call but a gentle breeze blew and it made his long cowlick to stand again.
“Who are you calling a *censored*!? Well, nevermind about it Theremin. Let’s celebrate about you and your sister’s graduation!”
“Got it!” A large text named “Idiot Loving Father” can be seen at the end of his call. “He looked lively as always. I need to find my lil’ sis.” He packed his things and ran away from the school.
“It seems it would be raining soon but why there are so many military helicopters passing by? Theremin just continued walking until he saw a troubled black haired girl with the same uniform as him.
“Hey! What’s wrong?”
“My plushie-”
“No! You idiot! My cat named Plushie went to the tree. Will you help me bring her back?”
“Then hold my bag.”
Theremin carefully climbed the tree and approached the pink cat. “Don’t be scared. I won’t bite you.” Theremin smiled as he reached out his hand and waited for the cat’s response. The cat moved towards the palm of Theremin’s hand. It licked it off nicely then bit it. “This cat is a tsundere!”. The cat began to comfortably slept in Theremin’s hand. He jumped down then gave it to the girl.
“She took a liking to me, I guess. Next time watch her properly or I’ll adopt her.”
“Thank you Idiot strange haired schoolmate!”
“Oh! Before i forget, did you see my sister? She looked like this…” Theremin showed a picture of a picture of his sister in his phone.
“Well, It can’t be helped since you helped me. I think I saw her in a playground so-”
“Wah! I couldn’t do this anymore!” The girl ran out of embarrassment and dropped Theremin’s belongings.
“That girl and her cat… They looked awfully the same haha!”  Theremin took his belongings and went to the playground near him. He noticed a beautiful girl with white hair at the top that slightly becomes light purple to tips with light turquoise highlights. She wore a sailor uniform and her Dark Blue stockings looked erotic. Her eyes were half closed and she is sitting in the swing while embracing her sketch pad.
“Nii.. Don’t you think this swing can be compared to life? If you apply force, you rise. In reality, if you pushed yourself hard, you are certain to bear fruit. However, once the force returns, you’ve become at loss right?” She drew a curious emoticon in her sketchpad and showed it to Theremin. He moved towards her and continued to play swing with her sister. He pushed her as he thought of what he should answer.
“Uhm.. Eh? The wind is picking up…”
“Geez… You’re really an idiot nii.”
“As always, you are like that. Hahaha!”
Sylvia secretly draw a shocked emoticon because Theremin didn’t replied properly.
“Let’s go my sis we will have a party!”
“Just wait a minute.” Sylvia drew a blushed emoticon and quickly held her Brother’s hand. They went home afterwards.
“At last we’re almost there!”
“Nii… I hear that many Military helicopters are coming this way.”
“I saw it too. Maybe they are just patrolling the area.”
“I have a bad feeling about this.”
“Our home… It was surprisingly quite.”
“Papa is not noisy… His experiments don’t go Kaboom! This time.”
“Maybe they just bought some food or some sort.”
“Ah! It started to get really dark… Nii, I wonder if they have umbrellas with them.” Sylvia moved in front of Theremin and pointed her finger up in the sky.

“Target confirmed! Ready to dive!”
“Affirmative. Let the plan commence!”
“Roger that!”
“Estimate time of landing: 2 minutes! We’ve gotta do this quickly Men!”
Series of soldiers skydive from the helicopter with an altitude of 1000 feet above sea level.  They were heavily equipped with some sort of advance technology. The roads and bridges with 1000 miles that surrounds the target area were temporarily closed. Black cars with futuristic yet simple design rushed to their target area.
“Hey Eagle Eye, even if they are kids you should be careful.”
“Geez, Twilight Camo you’re too worried.”
“Dive! Dive! Dive! Dive! Dive!”
“A truly fascinating experience… Men!”
“All of you stay focused with the mission!... And have fun skydiving!” The commander said and their freediving velocity kept on going faster and faster. It seems that they don’t even need the parachute. The commander picked his phone from his chest pocket and called “Ms. E”.
“Yes? Got it. We are coming approximately in 2 minutes. Wait for my orders but apprehend the target right away.” A lady in a secretary uniform talked to one of her men to clarify things.
“Is it ok if we become harsh to them?” It replied with an unusual tone as if they intend to murder.
“Idiot! Even if they are abnormal, They are still human.”
“Copy that Ma’am.”

The rain fell down and it began to slightly become stronger and stronger. The siblings tried to go inside their home then-
“Nii… I’m scared.” Sylvia suddenly stopped and she didn’t know what to do next.
“Don’t worry because I’m here.” Theremin tried to calm her but he didn’t realized something is off. “Nii behind you!” Although sylvia couldn’t show any facial expressions, it can be clearly in her eyes of feeling shocked. Before he could’ve realized it- “Sylvia!...” Theremin shouted as he reached out his hand. However,  Theremin’s nape were chopped down by the soldier and it made him unconscious. “Nii!” Sylvia shouted but her face was covered by the big hands of the soldier and after a few minutes of flailing, she went unconscious as well.

“Both targets are down. Waiting for orders.”
“Standby and be on defensive position!”
A bunch of cars almost arrived to the target area and they are positioned to surround it. The black limousine drifted as if it was a grand entrance. The secretary jumped out of her moving car, tumbled, regained her balance, stood firmly and ordered her men. Her beautiful jet-black braided haired swayed in the air. A pose truly fitting of a commander. 

“T-That… Woman… I-is that... Mo… ther?” Theremin murmured after regaining a moment of consciousness. 
“Bring the kids into my car!”
“Roger that!”
“Erase the evidence! Quick! We don’t have time!”
“Affirmative Boss Ekaterina.”
The CCTV’s in the area where altered with fake datas. They cleaned the footprints in the area as well as the remaining evidence that could backfire against them. A string ladder fell down from the helicopter and the soldiers quickly climbed it. The remaining soldiers being in standby quickly rushed to their respective cars. Everyone left the place as if nothing happened as the rain kept falling down.
An exquisite yet mysteriously dark room and It had no windows nor any decorations. It is filled with mess, full of crumpled papers scattered around, leaking chemicals from their tubes and some sort of explanations in the holographic board. A man with a white lab coat sitting in a manly fashion of crossed legs in his favorite chair while he is talking to someone in his phone.
“Ekaterina, everything is according to my plan right?”
“Yes, they are without a doubt and it had no casualties. It was perfect.”
“Good Job! I’m looking forward for your arrival.” The man ended the call and he is glad at the expected turn of events.
“Yay! I finally made one of my cool actions I thought of.” Ekaterina looked happily as she crossed down one of her dream cool action and poses planner in her phone. “Geez, I’m wet. I think I have some spare clothes here.” Her clothes are wet and you can clearly see what’s inside through her white uniform. Layer by layer she removed her clothes and dried her body. “Wait! The siblings are wet too! I can’t afford them to get sick.” Ekaterina thought while her body is covered with her bath towel and she carefully undressed Sylvia without waking her up. She dried her and changed her clothes carefully with ease. “How about this young boy? I bet he is not a virgin anymore because he got a good looking face“. Ekaterina hesitated to remove the first the top of Theremin’s clothes but she had no choice.
“Ugh~ I feel so betrayed. I thought he had more amazing muscular body. It is just an average. What a downer.”
“Ah! How about his lower area? I’m interested! This is for research. Research~” After she removed it, some sort of liquid drop into the red carpet.
“Wait! Wah! I-i couldn’t afford to watch it a...anymore! Ekaterina this is your job. Don’t think of lewd stuff. You’re just being an Ephebophilia. Just be cool, cooler and coolest!” Ekaterina self thought and she dried Theremin’s body without a lewd thought. She successfully managed to changed Theremin’s clothes after a long time of enduring her temptation passed by. “So, we are still in the midway to the city. This will probably take a long time.” Ekaterina looked through the window of the car. They are inside the incredibly huge underwater tunnel. She then caught a glimpse of Theremin’s hand twitched and it made her panicked a little. “Well, being in this state is not cool at all. Let’s get started!” Ekaterina finished dressing up as she patiently waited for Theremin to awake.

“M...Mother?” Theremin said as he regaining his consciousness gradually.
“I do apologize, Theremin... I am not your mother.” She replied with arms crossed in her chest while sitting in a feminine manner.
“Where am I? Where are my parents!? What are you planning to achieve!” Theremin rushed towards her and he held her collar.

“Ahem. You’re supposed to act like this? How rude?” She replied while locking down her eyes to Theremin.
“Just answer me!” Theremin disregard her statement and continued to held her collar more tightly.

“I already foreseen this event, So calm down Theremin. As for your questions, I’ll answer them once we reached to our city.”

“How can I trust you!?” Theremin continued to held her collar more tightly than before as if he tries to choke her.
“I’ll leave it at your own pace... T-Theremin.” She barely said. With all of that fuss, Sylvia awakened and she quickly drew her emotion in her sketchpad. “Nii! No! You mustn't do R-18 stuff!”

“No, I’m going to touch it.” Theremin said with a grin smile. You can expect what he will gonna do to the beautiful woman with large bosom as if it is gonna burst from her tight uniform.
“I like straightforward guys like you. Dig in!” She replied as she hold Theremin’s shoulder with her hands.

“Ah~ This is R-18 stuff! I need to cover my eyes to protect my chastity.” Sylvia tightly covered her eyes due to first time experiencing this.

“What do we have here?” Theremin continued to touch it and he is feeling something from the jet-black-haired girl. “Ah! Can you please be gentle?” The girl gasped for air and her face is red for a few minutes until she got-

“Found it! Your I.D. Card!” Theremin found her ID inside her pocket near to her chest. “Uhm… Her name is Ekaterina Schickshal... Occupation: Secretary at the Grand City Academe... Her age is…”

“Ahem. Will you please stop this farce?” She abruptly said with a cold look.

“2-22 years old!? I thought you were more younger.”
“Oh! I misunderstood things. Nii just wanted to know her!”

“Let’s get serious… I will explain carefully the situation you are right now.”  She ignored everything else and her facial expression and tone changed. It made Theremin stepped back and sat on his place with her sister. Sylvia clinged to her brother, as if she was scared.

They exited from the incredibly long tunnel in underwater and the car kept on moving upwards in an inclined road.
“1 mile remaining before arriving at The Grand City Academe.” Said by the announcer, Twice. 
“We’re almost here huh?” Ekaterina’s thoughts were swayed easily due to that they are almost there.
“Grand City Academe?” Sylvia wondered because it is something that she familiarly relates to.
“Hey, Sylvia. Don’t you think it’s a ripped from G.T.A?”
“Who knows? If they gave credits then its an OK!” Sylvia replied and showed a proud cat-like expression with sparkles in her sketch pad.”
“Woah! I used to play it too but how come I didn’t thought that!” Ekaterina abruptly said.
“Huh?” Both siblings were surprised at her statement.
“Ahem! I said that I didn’t know what you were talking about. Then, What are your questions.”
“Then… Your 3 sizes!”
“Nii… Don’t joke around she’s serious. I can feel it from her silence.”

The car finally is in the surface and It was already noon. They are still far from the City but it can be clearly seen that they seemed to be in a different country. 
“Well, It’s pointless if we will gonna have a Question and Answer portion. So, I’ll directly explain it and I’m not obliged to answer your questions anymore.”

“Despite all of that fuss, I couldn’t understand what her goals are.” Theremin thought inside his head as he observed Ekaterina.

“The Grand City Academe is an artificial land but its land is separated into four. As you can see we’re in the middle of nowhere… In an ocean! The main land in the center is the most influential area above the rest-”
“You said it was four. What is the purpose of the other 3 lands?” Theremin interrupted her but he got no response. After a few moments of silence, Ekaterina continued her explanation.

“Today, you were invited here personally by the man who controls the whole technology in this city. He is called as Dr. Blanc et Rouge, A mysterious man who rarely shows himself in public. The reason why our abduction is like this… Is because both of you are important subjects of Dr. Blanc et Rouge!”

“Dr. Blanc et Rouge? I feel he shares something with my father. Maybe he can-”
“Nii… Blanc et Rouge came from french dialect. It means White and Red but I don’t why he is named like that.”
“As expected of my genius sister…”

“Both of them… They’re clearly close to each other despite the situation…”

They finally arrived at their destination but not precisely; It was only an entrance to the border of that city.  The helicopters and the black cars that accompanied them dispersed. Ekaterina went outside and moved towards the metal entrance door. Her Eyes, Fingerprints, and Tongue were scanned. The metal entrance door opened up its series of thick doors and it formed into a some sort of narrow tunnel. It is much smaller than the Underwater Tunnel they came from. Ekaterina returned to her car and sat silently with crossed legs and arms crossed in her chest.

“What will happen to us? I wonder who is Dr. Blanc et Rouge. But based from my observation, this city looked like it was from a fictional movie. Maybe-” Theremin continued to gaze outside from the car’s window.
“Nii… Don’t overthink things. What we see from anime and movies are just exaggerated fanfic. Everything is gonna be F-I-N-E.” Sylvia tried to smile but she can’t instead she drew a bright smile emoticon in her sketchpad.

The beginning of a major arc (Don't mind the chapter number)
? Chapter XI ?

“We only have 1 night to settle this up. Failure is not an option even if facing your own death!”
The soldiers agreed and positioned themselves according to their plan. They surrounded a certain building and removed the camouflage data.
“This area… Only me is enough to take this down and you lot- focus on our other target area!”
The soldiers agreed and left immediately. The commander walked towards the long narrow alley and he sensed 2 silhouettes standing afar from him.
“Hey, Are you a player or a watcher?”
“Stop, asking him… He looks suspicious.”
“Judging from his appearance, he seems to be a watcher because he had a mask. However, going on with full body of some sort of mecha suit is he a cosplayer?”
“Wait- is that the legendary Purger… White Plague!?” They started to fired at him recklessly. The White Plague ran towards them, loaded his shotgun and fired while evading their attacks as he raided the entrance.
“I couldn’t believe this place…”
White Plague looked everywhere, full of huge blood stained gears in the ceiling dripping with blood, full of unsightly things but it is not yet the real entrance. He continued to walked towards the suspicious door and he exhaled his breath.
“Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! FIRE!!!”
“Even if he’s only one person… Kill him!”
“All of these years of waiting… It’s Showtime!”
Series of men with black suit opened fired at White Plague. It was a variety of guns smuggled from other countries.
“I am White Plague! I do not fear death! I am Death!” He boldly shouted as he evaded all of their attacks. He kept on running and many men fell down in his track until the unexpected came. It came out of nowhere, it's loud footsteps can be heard when it emerged from the thick fog.
“Experiment #983… Failed Humanoid Titan. Why is it here?” White Plague was surprised and it can be seen inside his mask that he is trembling with fear.
“You… Me… You… Me…” The monster said repeatedly and it began to charged towards White Plague.
“Everything is going well huh? I’ll be waiting for your return- It’s so lonely here! I never told that there is some huge extermination going on!” Zephyr self thought and became frustrated as he continued walking into the hallway.
“After this… Everything will get even more interesting!” Zephyr spread his arms wide as he came inside the trial room.
“Theremin… I wonder what will be the end for you. All of the pieces are already set.” He then smirked as he looked closely into a certain area of the trial room.

“Sylvia… Don’t worry, your big brother Theremin will come back soon. I’m sure he just over trained himself.”
“Mama… I can’t help but to worry… I feel something bad is going on. I feel him.”
Catherine hugged Sylvia tightly and she secretly shed a tear.

“Theremin. How dare they dragged you in that situation! I should have never agreed to live here and my family in the first place!” Michaelis slammed the table out of frustration.

“Woah! Everything goes Kaboom! It’s like a fireworks festival! So very beautiful~” Said by the girl who is sitting playfully at the top of the edge of the skyscraper.
“Nothing is more beautiful than a life returning once again unto the ground.” He spouted as he looked down to the city.

It was an unexpected deadly night. People were surprised of what happened that took place in Section 5th and Section 6th. The safety of the civilians are the top 1 priority before everything else in their plan. The No-Names, A secret organization that Exterminates anyone that the Director controls. Raids happened all over the place to apprehend smugglers, drug addicts, suspicious people and lastly the so believed source- The Underground Gambling Playground. It was believed that they possessed one of the forbidden experiment of Michaelis that was rumored to be destroyed or not. 

A failed experiment aimed to be as an alternative for Military weapon. A Huge monster with a body of a human. It does not have weakness because its body is very thick and could easily regenerate its lost parts in incredible speed.
“Experiment #983: Humanoid Titan… How troublesome.” White plague thought and called someone from his phone while evading and exchanging blows with the monster’s attacks.

Inside a ridiculously long truck stationed at a certain place. It was equipped with all sorts of communication devices. It was served to aid the Extermination plan of the No-Names. People with large numbers inside there is very busy.
“Yes? Got it. I will inform the director. But where are you now? I hear some strange noises.” Ekaterina replied as she dialed and called the director.
“Ah~ I’m just fighting Experiment #983 but this would rather take a long time.”
“Eh!? Then, I assume the estimated subjugation plan is unknown.”
“Ekaterina, I need you to connect my sight directly to the director’s Video livestream.”
Ekaterina and her workers had trouble in adding another screen to manage due to work overload. Somehow, they managed to grant White Plague’s request.

“You’ve never failed me as always White Plague… Things are going well according to my plan.” The Director chuckled as he sat comfortably in his room.

White Plague ended his called. He then climbed unto the body of the monster, loaded his shotgun, greatly increase his speed and jumped into the air.
“Take this Monster!”
White Plague fired at the monster’s nape but it had no effect. Only to his surprise, when he was about to land, the other hand of the titan is in front of him- Ready to crush him.
“The one who cheated Death. The one who pretends Life. I am the power that courses through my gun... Bane of Acrimony!”
White Plague’s Shotgun transformed and fire a very high condensed energy that vaporizes the monster’s hand and its head. The recoil of the gun in the ground is very strong and he was blasted all the way to the wall.
“*censored*! This is why I hate that form. It always takes a great toll in my body.”
White plague rested for a while. The monster fell down and lots of blood spilled out from its lost limbs.

In the arena where various players plays the forbidden gameplay- Chess of pain. Players are binded with electric straps into their chairs. The audience with masks on their faces are very intrigued to the fight of Theremin vs #1.
“#1’s beauty is like a doubled-edge sword. She uses it for her pleasure and offense.”
“But look at that young boy… He’s putting up a good fight against her!”
“Yes you’re right… All of her victims are always entrapped into her beauty- they are certain to lose if their hearts swayed.”
“This is the fight of a S and M! Everyone who is your bet!?”
“Let’s throw our money!”
Theremin and her are playing chess at incredible speeds. Their fast reactions and understanding is not only makes them entertaining- Every time they loses a piece or revives a piece, they are bound to experience limitless amount of pain. Also, every minute passed while playing they are being shocked.
“Look at you Theremin! You don’t need to be strong! You only need MADNESS!”
“Madness you say? This feeling of wanting to mess up your body- It's wonderful above else!”
“You resist Madness? Why do you resist it? MADNESS IS LOVE! LOVE IS MADNESS!”
“You don’t understand me. That’s why I need to defeat you!”
“Harder! Stronger! Faster! Make my head spin! I can’t get this enough!”
“Hey, what’s wonderful about bearing the pain? Humiliating yourself? I couldn’t understand.”
“Just accept your defeat Theremin… I’ll show you my world and it will make you crazy!”
“No! This is my once in a lifetime experience! I wonder how your body will last as a top 1 player!”
“Ah~ Those words…. Ahn~… Kya~... It makes me wet!”
“Don’t get me wrong. I’m not going to give you pleasure- I wanted to skinned you alive!”
“S-Skinned alive!? Ah~ How should I deal with it? Should I become happy? Or sad?”
“Well, who knows?”

Series of explosion sounds can be heard and something fell down. It made the audience worried as they tried to find the source but it was in vain.
“What’s with that sound!? Something exploded? Well, not even that matters because we will see the climax of the game!”

He walked casually in the stage. His identity become clearer as the mist faded away. “They are drugged once they touch the pieces. The effects are like an Aprosadiac’s. I pity you Theremin to see you in such state.” He thought.

“I-It’s the white plague!” The audience started to panicked.

“They are so very focused playing to the point that they almost belong to another dimension.” White plague showed himself from the stage. He particularly moved towards to Theremin’s match.
“What are you doing? I almost going to be the victor!”
“Hey, Mr. Cosplayer… If you have matters with him, let us finish this first!”
White Plague loaded his shotgun and blasted everything at the table into pieces.
“What are you doing! You piece of *censored*!”
“Theremin. Do remember well my face- I am Tamashiro Kiyoe!” White Plagued unmasked his face while he pointed his shotgun at a point-blank range at Theremin’s face.
“President of the student council- Tamashiro kiyoe?”
Kiyoe fired his shotgun and Theremin fell down.
“As a President under the Director’s and as a No-Name… Everyone is under arrest!”

The audience were startled with White Plague’s declaration and it made them panicked. They started to run and never cared if something happened to their fellow watchers. They quickly rushed to the exits as they stepped over one another.
“Let’s run with our lives!”
“He’s only one no need to worry!”
“The doors are closed!?”
“What’s going on here!? *censored*!”
“Impossible! He… He killed all our guards!?”
They were stucked near the exits as they gazed with rage to White Plague.

“Theremin… You gave me a bad taste. I always thought we were the same.” White plague covered his face and threw grenades. The explosion caused by the grenade activated the emergency sprinklers. However, the components of the grenade contains sleeping effects and it thoroughly spread all over the place.
“Mission Accomplish… Send me cars enough for 100 people.”
“Director, I couldn’t find that thing. My deepest apologies.”
“Tsk! I’m hoping that we would attain the Pandora’s Box! Well, It can’t be helped. Good Job, Kiyoe.”
“To make this easier, All of the targets are just unconscious. They are not yet dead but there may be some casualties due to panic.”
Kiyoe ended his call and walked out of the place. Series of soldiers came inside to collect the bodies. It can be seen that kiyoe looked utterly disappointed.

? Chapter XII ?

The operation ended exactly at 2:00 a.m. All of the apprehended during the raid were binded in a special strap. One after the another, they regained consciousness only to find out that they were inside the trial room.
“All of you who committed sins in our city! Why would you do those things? Are you powered-hungry? Do you want fortune so badly? Or perhaps you just wanted to spread chaos? Tell me… Why are you looking down!? Is it the truth?” Tamashiro Kiyoe shouted and his fellow committees were quiet.
“Kiyoe, you went too far to calculate their objectives. That’s why they can’t answer it…”
“Ah~ How could I never thought of that Zephyr? Also, Ekaterina call the director to come over here.”
“President Tamashiro Kiyoe, this will be the last favor I will ask… I need to talk to Theremin.”
Zephyr humbly said with all due respect and Kiyoe agreed. Zephyr went down from their place and walked towards Theremin.
“Zephyr! Save me we’re friends right?”
“Theremin… I couldn’t do it this time.”
“You fell into madness Theremin. You were clouded with false ideals and you forget that you have someone to protect.”
“What are you saying?”
“Do you think that you can obtain power that easily? You are just sheep following in the pack of wolves and wished to become one of them.” Zephyr said as he pushed the button and slowly by slowly the ceiling of the room opened.

“What is he doing? Wait- the remote is gone! Zephyr stop!” Kiyoe stood up from his chair and ran towards Zephyr but it was too late.

“See for yourself Theremin… What’s inside you wants to be the real you?”
It was the strange phenomenon where no one knows when it was first happened. The moon suddenly became red and it enveloped the whole world into light mist.
Everyone in the whole world stopped what they are doing- Only to see this rare sight. It was named as “Fate’s Moon”.
“Theremin. Stare at the moon and fall completely to your sub-conscious! This is your responsibility!”
Series of unknown images and events surged into Theremin’s mind. He flailed in his chair while crying with blood.
“Awaken now Theremin! My fellow brethren!”
“Something inside Theremin came out. It was an unsightly presence. If I were to describe it- an Abstract life form.” Kiyoe couldn’t do anything and fell into his knees. With all of that fuss, Catherine and sylvia came inside the trial room- Only to find out that her child became something else.
“Theremin… Is that you?” Catherine said and it can be seen that she had doubts in what she saw.
“Mama? Mother... Catherine… Little sis? Sylvia?” Theremin walked towards his mother.
“Theremin! I know you are still you! So, please come back with us.” Catherine couragely ran to Theremin despite his appearance.
“Nii. Please? I beg of you! Come back with us!” 
“Mama!” Theremin cried as he embraced his mother.
“Mama will forever always loves you Theremin. Forever...”
Sylvia looked at the moon and she reminiscence her past bonding with her mother.
“Sylvia… Even if you are like that, Your mama loves you from the bottom of my heart.”
“Wow! That necklace looked very good to you. Sorry if it was not brand new but it is one of my prized necklace.”
“Don’t be sad Sylvia. Follow my footsteps and you can become strong too! Don’t you want protect your brother?”
“If I will be gone someday… Sylvia will you keep me a promise? Try your very best to become a good person that will guide your brother just like the way I did.”

Everyone’s attention are focused in that scene. Theremin hugged her mother, It was such a love-heartening moment until- 
“Eh? What happened?” Catherine’s head fell down to the floor.
“Mama!” Theremin fell unto his knees knowing that he became something else. The unsightly presence in his back became worse.
“He can’t control it? He lost himself? Meios!” Zephyr thought while shivering with fear. Suddenly a burst of high condensed gale exploded from Theremin’s body resulting into pushing everyone hard. It made the ceilings, floors, walls have some unbelievable dents. The lights went down as people fell down one by one.
“I didn’t imagine that Theremin is such a perfect vessel for Meios… I finally awakened one of us but nothing’s changed! Before this would become a disaster… I should put a seal to him.” Zephyr thought before he lost his consciousness. Theremin reverted back to his usual self but when he fell down to the floor- A pool of blood spilled out from his body.

After a few minutes, the backup generator turned on. The trial room is lit with red lights. Michaelis is the first one to rushed inside the room; only to find out that his whole family is dead.
“How… What… Why did this happened! Catherine… Theremin… Both of you are dead? How about Sylvia… Sylvia!? She’s unconscious but she had barely a pulse. She will die!”
Series of soldiers came inside the room and positioned themselves. His loud footsteps can be heard, He is laughing maniacally- It was the Director.
“Oh~ What do we have here? Why are you in such a pathetic state Michaelis?”
“You tricked me! I should have never listened to your words. I should have never worked for here!”
“Don’t you ever dare to come closer to me or the No-Names will blast you to pieces.”
“Collect all of the bodies and proceed according to my plan!”
“Director… I will not allow you to take my family!”
“Then, promise me that you will follow my last mission for you. I will explain it later.”
“No-Names! Give me 3 stretchers and send my family to my lab at once!”
“No-Names, don’t hesitate to follow his order. After all, he is still have some use.”
Michaelis spent the dawn crying and grieving inside his laboratory. His cries echoed all over the room and it made him realized something.
“Sylvia… Sylvia is not dead! I refuse to accept this! I need to save her! Even if this is just a prototype… I promise that I will keep her alive!”
Michaelis putted sylvia into some kind of big cylindrical container. He inserted different sizes of tubes to their respective holes in the container. Some sort of liquid were slowly filled inside the container. He then did it the same to Theremin. He then performed a surgery to Catherine and putted her inside the container as well with hopes to make them all become alive.
“Even if this will costs me… I will keep you all alive!”
“Michaelis… It is already that time. Come over here.”
Michaelis adjust his glasses once he heard the voice message from his phone and securely locked his laboratory.

“My last mission for you Michaelis- Prove me that your experiment is correct!”
“Humans subconsciously gaining powers? I don’t know if it is right due to my observations from that phenomenon.”
“This time you must do it. You don’t want to see humans to die by your hands, right? Oh! This time you are forbidden to come anymore to your laboratory. This will be the new laboratory that you will be working from now on.”

“Day and night… I see people die everyday due to my failed experiments. I wished to share their burdens with me but this is not the time. Did my mind lost its cause due to that event because I kept on failing?”
“Young boy… Zephyr Marrowstride… I’m sorry for doing this to you and could you bear the pain?”
“I failed… Meios… I wasn’t able to guide him completely…”
“Is that his last words?”

“2 months have been passed since I’m doing that experiment. I killed all of the apprehended humans during the Extermination raid. I’m the only one left.”
“Michaelis, After watching you, your theories and explanations, we finally found the answer. You… You will become the last guinea pig!”
“The director is right… I have no right to live in this world anymore. I just wanted to belong with my family. I just want peace.”
Series of people in lab coats and with masks began to apprehend Michaelis. They performed experiments on him day and night for 1 whole month. He experienced tremendous amounts of pain, unusual transformations in his body, and became crazy.
“Look at you Michaelis… The experiment was neither a success nor a failure. You cheated death for 1 whole month interesting! Your hair… It became white and some remnants of your old hair color.”
“Director… Release me here. I believe that I may polish more this experiment if I wander around the globe looking for answers.”
“What would that benefit from me?”
“I promise that I am still contributing to this city’s technology and you can keep an eye from me via satellite. However, you may not interfere on what I would be doing once I leave this place.”
“Hahahaha! Interesting! I was right all along to make you work for here. Then, I will take your request… I will open up your old laboratory this day only. You can leave anytime as your preparations are done.”
“Also, one more request. If sylvia managed to survived… All of my belongings will be hers. She will take control over my old laboratory and she will still continue attending to your academy.”
“As expected of Arcaea family…”
Michaelis came back from his old laboratory. He took his time wisely to clean it that he could’ve never expected to do. Everything was neat and sparkling. He organized everything he wanted to say in all kinds of recording devices. He then putted it into a special rack.
“Sylvia you will be alive sooner or later. I’m sorry… I’m such a failure. My dignity as a father lost. I couldn’t face you. I won’t let you see such a pathetic father like me. I failed to protect you, Theremin and Catherine. This is a farewell.”
Michaelis contemplate his past actions as he gently touched the containers of his family.
“This recording device will reveal its contents once Theremin... If ever he managed to become alive.” Michaelis wrote a note with a ball of recording device in the table.

« Last Edit: November 22, 2017, 01:48:19 AM by Lewd Cat »

Offline Coryn

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Re: Fate from Zero!
« Reply #1 on: November 24, 2017, 01:59:19 PM »
Aha, so I went ahead and read the prologue and first two chapters (since there seems to be quite a jump being made just after that  :ohmy: )

To start with, there are a lot of strange turns of phrase in here. Am I write in assuming that English is not your first language? Of that's the case, it's nothing to be ashamed of, it's just something you need to recognize and look for. Knowing where our weaknesses are is the first step in fixing them. If it is though, I would suggest a more thorough review for these kinds of things before posting. Even though you're looking for input, doing a self edit yourself first is an excellent practice to pick up.

I can definitely see where your inspirations are coming from. And don't get me wrong, taking inspiration from certain series is all well and good, but I think you may have over done it a little. Let's get into it.

It's all, let's say, extremely ANIME. There are for instance, a lot of the common visual tropes (ex: the weird hair colors) that feel forced when written in prose. That's because it takes a lot of words to break these tropes down into something that is easily understood by the average viewer (Protip: Never assume your reader has preexisting knowledge). So instead of getting into how the characters have red highlights, you could say "His hair took on a two toned nature, crossing the dark hair of his mother and his father's red." It creates a better flow, and is a natural bridge for describing the child of two parents we were just introduced to.

The strange anime tropes can also be seen very strongly with the character of Ekaterina. You've shoved so many tropes in there that she's completely contradictory. She's flipping between clutz, pervert, and cool type constantly. There's no break between them. It's fine if a character has all of these traits, but keep a wall between them. For instance, when she first arrives on the scene, it should be a legitimately cool moment, but you give her a pratfall. Then minutes later, she's contemplating rape on an under age boy who she was minutes before that extremely concerned with as a danger to her heavily armed men. (On that note, 1000 miles is way too big for a police blockade. That'd be several separate nation's depending where this story is set. That's longer than.l the entire state of California!)

There is also that weird sexual assault scene. It's really freaking creepy. Even if this kid is supposed to of age by this point. (I'm not sure  from what is written here. Was his sister supposed to be graduating highschool?) I know it gets played for laughs in a lot of anime, but as soon as it goes into prose (again, don't assume who your reader is), it gets super awkward, and isn't likely to endear you to a character.

Those are the main issues here though. You definitely have an interesting flash forward in the prologue, and I'm interested in how we arrive to that point, and how our heroes are supposed to extricate themselves from that situation. Just don't let the journey to the cool moments fall by the wayside. Don't let famous tropes give you an excuse to avoid having believable characters. Because at this point I really don't believe any of them as "human". They are more like automatons. Sure they are described as human, but in giving them distinctly 'non-human' characteristics, you strip away the ability of the reader to sympathize with them. You need an emotional heart, not just a pretty face.

So keep up the hard work! I want to see you grow better with each chapter and gain the insight you need! Don't get discouraged now. Let my words be the critical advice you need to improve.

Will review stories upon request. My latest arc:

Offline Lewd Cat

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Re: Fate from Zero!
« Reply #2 on: November 26, 2017, 05:21:02 AM »
"Because at this point I really don't believe any of them as "human". They are more like automatons. Sure they are described as human, but in giving them distinctly 'non-human' characteristics, you strip away the ability of the reader to sympathize with them. You need an emotional heart, not just a pretty face."

I think I know what you're pointing... It is because I didn't made any some sort of detail actions during conversation. I get the gist of it now.

Offline Coryn

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Re: Fate from Zero!
« Reply #3 on: November 26, 2017, 09:00:47 AM »
I hope that advice will help. Good luck!

Will review stories upon request. My latest arc: