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Author Topic: My Original Manga (Ttile Still a Work in Progress)  (Read 44 times)

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Offline Phaseshifter

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My Original Manga (Ttile Still a Work in Progress)
« on: November 02, 2017, 04:41:19 AM »
Hello and welcome to the first upload of my story. While reading this please feel free to critique it as much as possible as it does help me improve as a writer overall. The title is still a work in progress, so after reading this of you come up with an idea for a title please feel free to share it. Below is just a few details on that what to expect in the story, be wary this is subject to change in the future.

Make sure you pick me on anything that I've done wrong I'm sure I have. Also just a word of warning this story may change a lot until it reaches it completed stage such as segments, even main plot devices may change. So bare with me if that happens because I want to make the best story I can personally write!

Genres: Military, Mecha, Sci-Fi, Ecchi

Chapter One
Spoiler
Orbiting near the colony Spero, a Ariadne Battleship laid dormant it's main body was long and straight, the tip of the hull was shaped with curved edges and pointed tips located both top and bottom. The centre had a curved dome at the top was where the bridge situated.
Standing in the centre of the bridge platform was a middle aged man, a dark blue military uniform with white strips outlining the edges of suit.
He placed a hand on his chin ruffling the hairs of his grown out brown goatee which showed visible signs of gre hairs appearing, his short somewhat unkept hair was in the same state.
The door leading to the bridge slid open sliently behind the man, a young girl floated in onto the bridge.
She stopped placing her feet firmly on the pristine white floor of the platform a little behind this man, and saluted crisply. The man turned to look at her, returning his hand to his right trouser pocket, he turned his body fully facing the girl then returned the salute.
As the ship personnel attended to their duties, the two on the bridge platform begin engaged in conversation.
"Rei, it's time," the man spoke.
Rei, her silver hair moving ever so slightly in the ships lowered gravity, her hair was unkept too close to that of a punk star while having a single side braid running down the side of chest adjusting it's angle to mold against her breast.
"I  understand father," she replied.
"Remember Rei, the objective is all that matters nothing else" Rei's father walked forward, and gently placed his hand upon her head.
Rei responded with a small smile, "Don't worry, I understand," she turns to leave. Before her the door opens revealing a man a couple of years older her entering the bridge.
He moves to the side, giving Rei a flithly look as if she was dirt under his boot. Once Rei left the bridge, he proceeded towards Rei's father clearly dissatified about something.
He stops short placing his feet upon the white floor.
"Master Demason, you're not seriously sending, her, out to complete the mission!" he raised his voice clearly expressing his dislike of the plan. The skin around his eyes scrunched up, his brown eyes sending daggers at Master Demason.
Master Demason turned around clearly displeased, "Are you questioning my decision, Captain?"
The Captain paused for a moment gulping, he immediately bowed towards Master Demason.
"Forgive me, Master Demason, I was out of line"
Master Demason looked for a moment, then turned towards the front of the bridge looking out through the bridges reinforced glass panels towards Spero. The colony took it's desgin after a flower petal, running through the middle of all seven extensions was where the power for the colony was harvested and stored. It took it's power from light years produced by the sun.
Behind Master Demason, the Captain didn't waver in his clear distaste of his superiors decision.


In the grounds of the private military coporation, Tsuihou, the land was that of a barren wasteland with patches dying grass, and trees on their last legs.
A girl with short silver hair, downward spiked tips and a single braid running down her back. She was digging trenches to prepare for tomorrows infantry exercises.
Sweat was running along her body, she looked up into the blue artificial sky created by the colonies weather system. Shaking her head, sweat splashed lighlty upon her breasts as the sweat trickled down her cleavage.
Her along with many other girls were doing the same thing.
Next to her, a girl with spikey blonde hair suddenly muttered something under her breathe.
"What?" she asked.
The blonde haired girl sighed, "Just saying how this is such bull*censored*," she stops for a moment catching her breathe.
She looks back towards the silver haired girl, "Hey, Meo you ever think about what you could of done if you hadn't of come here?"
Meo turned back to her friend, "No not really, I don't know anything else except for surviving, what about you Nonaka?"
Nonaka stood there then shrugged the two giggled when they suddenly heard bellowing from a distance. One of the guys, an adult, rushed over to them, he kicks Meo to the floor. Whom in turns winces from the pain due to landing upon sharp and jagged rocks.
Nonaka rushes to Meo's side trying to help her up.
"No slacking! Get back to work!" the guy pulls out a baton whacking Nonaka across who in turn falls upon Meo crying out in pain.
Another guy in the distance calls out his colleauge.
"Hey, leave them alone we don't have time to baby sit Human Waste"
The guy with the baton grunts leaving Meo and Nonaka in a heap upon the rock, mucky floor. As they stand up the two of them look off into the distance. The girls around them doing the same.
They could the sounds of engines roaring, tracked wheels rapidly scrapping across sharp rock. The vehicle was smaller than a humvee designed only to seat a maximum of two personel, on both sides were mounted weapons.
Multiple vehicles of the same type were in the middle of a combat exercise, the grey vehicles were that of the United Earth Conglomerate Academy, and the barren coloured looking vehicles were that of Tsuihou. Only males are allowing to pilot military equipment such as the well reknowned Mobile Frames.
Girls were strictly forbidden to pilot such machines, believing they were unreliable and weak to do so.
As the girls including Meo and Nonaka watched in the awe the combat exercise taking place before them.
"When the hell will we get to pilot such things?" one girl asked frustratingly. Chatter started to build up between them when the same guy returned baton in hand yelling at them to get back to what they were doing.
They all hurriedly returned back to work.


Rei inside her Mobile Frame descended towards the surface of Spero colony evading the its surveillance system by a narrow margin.
Every Mobile Frame was fitting to exactly fit the wearer, in Rei's she was five foot ten. For her particular Mobile Frame, the head was elongated backwards like a spear, her shoulders and legs had armour piece extensions for the addition of more thrusters. Upon her arms were armour pieces with inbuilt blades on display, and underneath the armour of those forearm pieces were in built plasma weapons.
She continued to descend slowly a look of determination clear in her face, as her darted across the heads up display in her helmet surveying the multitude of information from the suit.
After a few moments she spoke saying.
"It's timeto bring about our war of Judgment"

P.S. Sorry for the short chapter however I will make it longer and changes to this one and future shortly after posting them
« Last Edit: November 04, 2017, 11:09:04 PM by Phaseshifter »