November 17, 2017, 09:49:08 PM

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Author Topic: An Example of the Adult Material I Write  (Read 78 times)

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Offline Phaseshifter

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An Example of the Adult Material I Write
« on: October 18, 2017, 04:33:17 AM »
So I thought the best way to approach this conundrum that I am faced with before uploadong my own original content is to show an example to you guys(and girls) of how I write my ecchi/adult material scenes. So if this offends you in anyway I am sorry beforehand but, it's fine. What I am trying to find out is whether the scenes I write are suitable to posted on here. I'm not looking for critique, just whether the appropriateness is there.

Oh and if a moderator removes this that's fine, at least then it'll give me a yes and no answer with whether I can include such scenes into my chapters later on.

As for the example I'm showing it's from a fanfiction piece that I did recently, the girl in the scene is a cyborg just to let you know beforehand.

Spoiler
Quote
Meo was relaxing in the hot bath completely naked. She was fascinated by what it would feel like to have water run across her body, and to be honest she found thesensation pleasurable, she watched as water slowly trickled down her breasts, she even shook them side to side to find out what it felt like. Looking down at her breasts Meo's breathing had slightly increased, her cheeks tinted with a bit of red, and her mouth slightly agape from the pleasure she felt.

She turned around to see a stick with a sponge on the end. Intrigued, Meo stood up in an attempt to reach it. Before she could react, the door to the hot bath slid open, and in walked Bael a towel wrapped around his lower body. When he turned around, he instantly noticed Meo leaning over the bath completely naked. All he could do was stand there blushing with embarrassment as he bore witness to a beautiful sexy body dripping in hot water.
The hell am I doing!, he thought to himself.

Spinning around he started stuttering, "U-uhh I-I'm I didn't know you were in here!" Bael started to walk away when he felt Meo's hand grab his. He turns around to see Meo leaning over, but this towards, he could see her breasts hanging perfectly, and down her cleavage. Bael gulped for a moment.

After thirty minutes being in the hot bath Bael and Meo had not made a single interaction or eye contact. Granted Bael knew that he wouldn't get much conversation out of Meo but, all he had on his mind was the image of Meo completely naked. To any man that would a godly sight to behold, Bael couldn't deny that he liked what he saw. Blushing, he slaps both of his hands on his face, I shouldn't be thinking about that, I other things to be concerned about, Bael chastised with himself.

He turns to Meo to notice she's slipping further underwater, he stands up almost forgetting he has a towel wrapped around his lower body, quickly placing a hand on his towel he rushes to Meo. Catching her breasts pressed up against him, oh god!, was all he thought at that very moment.

"Hey Meo!" he said trying to distract himself, she didn't respond. Bael noticed that she was alive as he could feel her pulse against his chest, and that she had slightly blushed cheeks.

"She must've fallen asleep from the heat" Bael muttered to himself. How do I get myself into these situations with Meo?, was all he could think about.
« Last Edit: November 04, 2017, 09:35:50 PM by legomaestro »

Offline legomaestro

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Re: An Example of the Adult Material I Write
« Reply #1 on: November 04, 2017, 09:38:29 PM »
Incase you have not heard of it http://www.ecchiworld.com/

I'd recommend writing any further works on that forum. I think since you sort of pointed out what sort of content it was in advance it's okay to post, but it's better that you keep that sort of writing to a more ecchi-oriented space aka ecchiworld as I have already posted.

In terms of critique all I can say is I have a weakness for bathe scenes  and such, but I didn't have the emotional investement that comes from knowing the characters' backgrounds and motivations and such....

Offline Phaseshifter

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Re: An Example of the Adult Material I Write
« Reply #2 on: November 04, 2017, 10:47:19 PM »
Thanks for informing me, I was just going to continue uploading my chapters on the other Manga section. So it's good that you told me so I don't anymore (plus I'm having a re-haul of my story, so that put gave little to upload more chapters).

I'll try to remove the aforementioned post if I can, but if not I suggest removing it yourself as I won't be using it now.