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Author Topic: Writers Novel Marathon Workshop (CLOSED)  (Read 6152 times)

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Offline PhoenixGC

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Re: Writers Novel Marathon Workshop: Day 1
« Reply #30 on: July 31, 2017, 11:53:12 AM »
Story: Underworlders
Genre: Action/Adventure

Synopsis: Ayumu was just an average kid when all of a sudden, his life would change in an instant. Now he's a dream warrior who's job is to fight off Underworlders from feasting on the dreams of men and women everywhere... but why was he given this power, and why must he bear the burden of being a dream warrior?
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---===1st Review Session===---
---===3rd Review Session===---

Review Links
« Last Edit: August 05, 2017, 05:07:17 PM by PhoenixGC »
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Offline GreenTrap

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« Last Edit: August 19, 2017, 01:53:57 PM by GreenBeverage »

Offline Operative13

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Re: Writers Novel Marathon Workshop: Day 1
« Reply #32 on: July 31, 2017, 12:17:11 PM »
A few concerns that need to be addressed regarding links:
1. In order to obtain the proper link for your particular portfolio, you must click on the yellow link that's in the post itself. This will update the url, and that url is the one you want to send to me. This is because that link will jump straight to your post on the thread, instead of only popping up the top of the page your portfolio is on.

It should look something like this (Using Mohadis1's example): http://forums.mangaraiders.com/index.php/topic,18460.msg285679.html#msg285679

Instead of this: http://forums.mangaraiders.com/index.php/topic,18460.15.html

2. Every update you post will be here on this thread. No outside linking. We don't want to see you update your story Live on Google Docs, re-posting things you already have from other writing forums, or any of those other shenanigans.  :glare: It should go without saying that you only post here when you are absolutely sure you are ready. And please use the edit button if it's only minor changes. We also don't want you to spam 10 iterations of Chapter 1 here. Just use common sense.  :ninja:

3. When you do have parts ready to post, please update your portfolio's story links appropriately, using the same method to obtain links I just showed you. It should also be labeled to save everyone from the insanity of having to click every single link when trying to find a particular piece.

Hopefully this answers most of your concerns  :hmm: Let me know if there are anymore questions  ;)
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Offline ToxicWaste97

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Re: Writers Novel Marathon Workshop: Day 1
« Reply #33 on: July 31, 2017, 12:59:49 PM »
Story: Return to Dark
Genre: Fantasy/Adventure

Synopsis: After a failed rescue, a boy and a high priestess must work together to make it back home before a war is waged.

« Last Edit: August 01, 2017, 11:10:09 AM by ToxicWaste97 »
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Offline shishi02

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Re: Writers Novel Marathon Workshop: Day 1
« Reply #34 on: July 31, 2017, 04:04:15 PM »
Title: By Heart, By Soul
Genre: Fantasy, Drama
Synopsis: In the realm of the endless brightness, Alva is considered the brightest of them all. All beings in there have bright souls inside their hearts and it radiant brightly according to their colors. But life in there wasn't fair according to Seishun, a young teen whose light was shunned by his peers for being inferior among the rest. He tried to live life way pass the borderline of poverty but everything changed when a pack of soulless came and wreak havoc in a little town of Hana. He swore to get rid of the soulless once and for all. Will he achieve his goal despite being inferior? Only way for him to find out is to start his journey towards the central city of Alva, where everything started.
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« Last Edit: August 22, 2017, 03:16:40 AM by shishi02 »

Offline OhGodHelpMe

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Re: Writers Novel Marathon Workshop: Day 1
« Reply #35 on: July 31, 2017, 06:09:19 PM »
Story: Sincerely, Your Dearest Phantom
Genre: Drama, Psychological

Synopsis: Shiya Tonbogiri, a normal girl living a normal life. She wakes up, goes to school, fools around with friends, and comes home to her parents. Her days repeat with no out of the ordinary disruption, almost a little too well.

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Reviews
« Last Edit: August 22, 2017, 09:58:23 AM by OhGodHelpMe »

Offline Forlorn Serpent

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Re: Writers Novel Marathon Workshop: Day 1
« Reply #36 on: July 31, 2017, 07:03:54 PM »
Story: The Lemonade Stand
Genre: Drama, Coming-Of-Age
Synopsis: A man reflects on his youth during a time when he and his friends were blackmailed by a drug dealer  when they mistook cocaine for sugar.

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Spoiler

REviews
« Last Edit: August 06, 2017, 07:27:34 AM by Forlorn Serpent »

Offline Operative13

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Re: Writers Novel Marathon Workshop: Day 2 REVIEW SESSION
« Reply #37 on: August 01, 2017, 11:00:48 AM »
Our First Review Session!

Now marks Day 2 of the Writers Novel Marathon Workshop, and with it comes our very first Review Session! You’ve spent all day yesterday typing everything you could come up with for your story, and now is the time to present that work to the world! Well, figuratively speaking...  :sure:

There are two ways you can post your progress. Either through a separate thread in the Develop Your Story section, or right here at the workshop! Just remember to link and update your portfolio before the next Review Session.  8) It's recommended you have a word count next to the part that's to be reviewed, although I won't require you to have it.

To ensure these Review Sessions run smoothly, we will be working in teams throughout the entire workshop. The team you are in generally share similar stories to that of your own, and therefore it is to your benefit to exchange ideas and ask for help among your team regarding your own story. Don't be hesitant to message them if you happen to get stuck. I have no doubt some of you will run into the dreaded Writer's Block as we start getting into the rhythm of jotting out 1000 words a day. The team you are assigned to will be the team you will need to critique every Review Session following the format laid out in this video:


To re-iterate the points...

1. Give good feedback.
Take notes on what you liked and didn't like. Don't just write down a list, explain why you liked or disliked such-and-such. "I like this character. They work hard to... and I really like to see where they go from there." "I didn't like this character. He seems petty and self-centered." That is good feedback.

2. Be specific
It goes without saying, if you don't say what's good or bad about something, the author won't know what needs to be done. Try to work details in your review.

3. Be descriptive, not proscriptive!
Everything having been said, remember you are giving feedback. You are not telling them how to write their stories. You should not be saying "You should be doing this!" "This is how you... etc." It is the author's own job to see if the reaction you give is the reaction they want out of their writing. Saying "I was bored in this part" is actually more useful than telling them "You should make this more exciting." Sometimes the author wants you to be bored there!  :D Telling them how something should be written destroys the message the author is attempting to convey, and instead panders to what you would write in their place. Try to understand what the author is getting at, and see whether the writing is doing the job it's supposed to. :ninja: Just no dictating.

4. Ignore the small stuff
If the first thing in your review is something along the lines of "You misspelled 'such-and-such'" or "You use 'such-and-such' too much," that's not very helpful. You should be leading with the big things. Plot, characters, setting. Talk about those in details, and perhaps at the end of the review you can mention it, but always lead with the big things first. Only talk about prose if it becomes a big issue, as in it's so atrocious you have a hard time understanding what in the world the author's saying. I assume we all know how to speak decent English, so hopefully that won't be too much of an issue  :sure: Remember, most of the writing in the Review Session will be ROUGH. That's fine. It'll be revised and edited down the line, so focus on the more pressing issues at hand.

When you are ready to post your feedback...

POST YOUR FEEDBACK HERE

Don't post it anywhere else, as it's easy to lose track of people when everyone has their own threads. I will be keeping track of who's done their reviews and who hasn't, so don't post it in the wrong place.  :ninja: When you post, be sure to label what story you are reviewing and its author.

Now that that's done, I have to reiterate what I said at the beginning of the workshop...

IF YOU ARE THE ORIGINAL AUTHOR, DO NOT REPLY TO THE FEEDBACK.

Everyone else is free to discuss about your story, but you alone. The moment you decide to reply, you bias your readers, diluting the quality of the your feedback and setting the tone for an argument to start. That doesn't mean something won't be done to address "trashing." The moderators and I will deal with it appropriate if need be. However, I will enforce this rule Without Exception. Rest assured, if you follow the workshop directions to the point, we'll have no problems from here-on out.  8)

There are good reasons for this, and it is to your benefit that you gauge if the critique they provide is something you can use to better your story. It does not matter if you take it or not. No one will care, and that's fine. So long as by the end of the workshop, you produce a good, solid story for people to enjoy!  ;) You want your group to look at your work by the next Review Session to say "Yeah, this all makes sense now!"



As a bonus, I will be posting lectures from Brandon Sanderson every Review Session. I highly recommend watching these videos to help you with your writing  :thumbsup:


Thanks to your input, I’ve taken the liberty of organizing the groups based upon your genres and synopsis. It turned out more difficult to do, with the lack of good synopses and rather ambiguous genre choices with some people, but hopefully I managed to group everyone into those with similar interests. Let me know if there are any concerns regarding the setup, particularly if you plan on changing your story this week.

Urban Fantasy Light:
Forlorn Serpent
GreenBeverage
shishi02

Urban Fantasy Dark:
Mohadis1
Krurisuchristina
OhGodHelpMe
PhoenixGC

Epic Fantasy:
Operative13
ToxicWaste97
Xamasa

Now that everything is set, and all the rules are in place, it's time to grab a comfy chair, pour some hot cocoa, and get to reading!

Have fun on your adventures, Fellow Writers! :D

“To give of oneself is the noblest of all acts.”

Offline Operative13

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Re: Writers Novel Marathon Workshop: Day 2 REVIEW SESSION
« Reply #38 on: August 01, 2017, 11:11:57 AM »
ToxicWaste, since you're in my group, know that you won't need to do a review for Xamasa this section as he won't be back until Wednesday or Thursday. You'll only need to do the review for mine in this session.  ;)
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Offline PhoenixGC

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Re: Writers Novel Marathon Workshop: Day 2 REVIEW SESSION
« Reply #39 on: August 01, 2017, 11:34:22 AM »
Ok I guess I'll go ahead and kick things off. In this post, I'll be reviewing Mohadis1's story, Champion!



So first off, I want to say "Great start to the story." At first, I kinda thought it had a similar start to Pokemon and was totally ready for the character to meat Professor Oak. But I liked how you changed that towards the end of Chapter 1. Also the story is quite interesting. Way to start off with the action and paint a world in our head.


 Now I'm not exactly sure if you meant this, but I'm not really sure who the characters name is. If you plan on giving that out later on, awesome keep going. If you didn't really think about it, i'd try and introduce that sooner rather than later. I feel like it's good to get to know the main character (Then again, i may be wrong. I did only just get into story telling recently :P). 

"you ready "I said "Raaaawr" it replied "I think that means yes "I shouted as I jumped up.

A couple things here. So first off, the Y in You should be capitalized. Second, I'm kind of surprised you didn't really put much description in the yell of the Daga. You put a lot of description in your first chapter, and I personally think you should do the same here. Really paint a picture in our head. Is it a tiny little yelp from such a small animal, or is it a pretty scary roar from a ferocious beast.


This is all I have for now. Again, your story is very neat and I cant wait to read more! I look forward to your next chapters!

-Tyler A
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Offline ToxicWaste97

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Re: Writers Novel Marathon Workshop: Day 2 REVIEW SESSION
« Reply #40 on: August 01, 2017, 11:44:03 AM »
Here's my review of The Coming Storm by Operative13:

Initial Thoughts:

- Is this supposed to be over a radio set? If so, this is an interesting choice. I like this approach for the prologue, as it gives a feel for the setting.

- This prologue feels very dialogue heavy. This is just a statement, not a criticism. Again, because I assume this is supposed to be words being broadcast over radio, this seems very appropriate.

- Lots of good worldbuilding. Good introduction of the backstory. Didn't feel like you were rattling out exposition.

Criticism

- At times, it can be hard to tell which of the characters was talking. It was probably a side effect of the radio, but it may be something you'd like to look at.

Conclusion

- This is a good introduction to your story. Other than that one criticism, you seem to be doing well. I'm interested to see where this is going.
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Offline Mohadis1

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Re: Writers Novel Marathon Workshop: Day 2 REVIEW SESSION
« Reply #41 on: August 01, 2017, 01:30:26 PM »
Well, I'll start off by reviewing the story by Krurisuchristina
First of all I real liked the story it created suspense from the bit at the beginning to the synopsis it really gave a feeling of something more to come. The first part really reminded me of madoka magicka girl while the synopsis reminded me of thee endless eight arc of Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuuutsu [if you mean for the days to repeat] and I really like how it built up atmosphere without much happening in terms of action I really look forward to more I cant really give much criticism until I see more.
I really liked it can wait for more
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Offline GreenTrap

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Re: Writers Novel Marathon Workshop: Day 2 REVIEW SESSION
« Reply #42 on: August 01, 2017, 03:40:59 PM »
Think I'm a bit late to this, but I'll begin your feedback soon Shishi and Forlorn  :ninja:

Offline shishi02

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Re: Writers Novel Marathon Workshop: Day 2 REVIEW SESSION
« Reply #43 on: August 01, 2017, 03:50:27 PM »
Give me 6 hours to write something new, I got school and will try to go home early

Offline GreenTrap

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Re: Writers Novel Marathon Workshop: Day 2 REVIEW SESSION
« Reply #44 on: August 01, 2017, 04:24:20 PM »
Fair enough Shishi, just take your time  :ninja:

So Forlorn, here is my feedback to your story...


-I like the little details that make you think; hole in the shirt, why is nobody going up to speak? Really like how it poses questions and leaves you wanting answers.

-Good use of general detail and visual scenery. Helps paint a picture in the head of what's going on.

-Managed to get some glimpses into the character of Danny and understand some of his thought processes. It helped me relate to the character.

-Impressive to write so much with so little dialogue, something I wish I could do. That's what I find really fascinating with this story.

-I could get a feeling of where the plot was going, but I still want to know answers. It's a really good setup for some twists that I assume will happen.

But

-I could see what was going on, sometimes hear, but I didn't feel as into the scene as I could have. My five senses weren't all engaged. I felt more like an observer rather than being absorbed into the scene.

-The characters didn't stand out so much, but I get a feeling you were more writing for the atmosphere and set up for future chapters. The chapter felt like a straight line rather than a build up and climax and anti-climax, so I didn't get the feeling of anticipation I would have hoped when Danny took the stage.

I hope that feedback is good, I really liked your style and admire it your use of heavy description and little dialogue! Look forward to the next chapter!